The training session was not going to plan, not for Rose and not for the other aurors. It was going swimmingly for Harry, George, Ginny and Draco. The two teams had entered the simulation area and within minutes, Rose and her team had been pushed aside by her consultants and were told to watch as they made light work of the aurors that were descending upon them. Rose couldn't contain her disbelief at seeing three of the people closest to her lose all sense of self as they switched straight back into fight mode and moved across the field with ease. Harry stood back with them and watched as his team of aurors, incredibly high in number, got more and more furious at being unable to take them down. They became even more angered when they realised one of the three was Draco Malfoy. Ginny, George and Draco might as well have been dancing; the way they moved and the speed they shot hexes and curses was outstanding, Rose had never seen anything like it. The rest of her team and most of the team of aurors hadn't either, judging by the looks on their faces and the frustrated movements they were making. Beams of light flew across the space they were standing in, red and blues, silvers and oranges all soaring through the air. Aurors were dropping like flies and Ginny, George and Draco remained standing, making it look too easy to take on near a hundred men and women without breaking a sweat. The aurors were getting angrier and angrier, a few of them focusing mainly on Draco. Several minutes went by before Draco cried out and fell to his knees.

"Enough!" Harry bellowed across the crowd. "Who cast that?!"

The room remained silent.

"That was an unforgivable, somebody answer me!" Harry roared.

Ginny offered Draco a hand and helped him up. He could see the ferocious anger in her eyes.

"Forget it Harry," Draco said. "It doesn't matter..."

"It bloody well does!" Harry seethed. "I will not have a member of this team strike out like that."

"Seriously, just leave it," Draco said. "It wasn't all that powerful anyway."

"It was powerful enough to make you fall," Drake sneered.

Draco mumbled under his breath. "Please, my father hated me more than whoever cast that curse."

"What?" Barbara frowned, she'd been standing close enough to hear him. A few others were looking at him strangely too, having heard what he'd said.

"Nothing," Draco growled. Rose glared at him, knowing he wasn't likely to open his mouth again.

"No, what did you say?" Barbara folded her arms defiantly.

"Your own dad crucio'd you?" Jules eyes were wide as she looked at Draco.

"How'd you know that?!" Gareth stared confusedly between Jules and Draco.

"Because he said his father hated him more than whoever cast that crutacious..." Jules mumbled, flinching at Draco's furious glare. "Sorry, but you shouldn't have opened your mouth if you didn't want it heard."

"I didn't mean too," he grit out.

"How would you know Lucius Malfoy cursed his own son based on that statement?" Ray frowned.

"Because you have to really mean an unforgivable for it to work," Harry said quietly, and his team turned to look at him. "Something his Aunt once taught me, and I'd say Bellatrix Lestrange really new her stuff when it came to that.

"But I thought your side only used that stuff on us lot?" Another auror looked around at his team, willing someone to reaffirm what they thought they already knew.

"D'you fancy enlightening my whole department Draco?" Harry gave him a pleading look and found the demon looking back.

"I'm going the fuck home," Draco spat. "Educate your team your fucking self."

"So still a coward then," Drake said.

"Fuck off arsehole," Draco snarled. "Keeping you lot at bay was a fucking walk in the park. Make me angry, I dare you." The auror continued to glare at Draco but said nothing. "If I'd have known you lot were going to fight dirty I'd have bought a whole new level to this game."

"Well if anyone knows how to cast that curse, it would be you," Drake said.

"Yes, it would." Draco stared him down, his usually cold grey eyes were a dangerously dark stone.

"Care to show everyone who you really are," Drake challenged him.

"I'm not stupid enough to use an unforgivable curse in front of the the whole fucking auror department, you idiot," Draco said.

"I'm sure whoever hit you with it just felt you deserved a taste of your own medicine." Drake shrugged. "Enlighten us why don't you, like Mr Potter asked. How often did you get hit with a crucio compared to how often you dolled them out? Huh?" He smirked as Draco remained silent and still. "I thought so. I bet your father hit you once with it, maybe twice. How many times did you torture some poor sod..."

"Enough Drake!" Harry cut across him angrily, shutting him up immediately. Drake looked daggers at Harry but remained silent.

.

"You know what? The lot of you can go fuck yourselves," Harry raged at them suddenly.

"Excuse me Sir?!" Edith cried.

"There's a fucking reason why the only person in this whole bloody department who fought in the last wizarding war, is me," Harry barked. "Because no other fucker can relive a battle like I apparently can." He blew out a raging breath. "We took over this whole exercise today to try and teach you something, to try and show you something. That war doesn't leave us when it's over, that it will always be a part of us. Don't insult me, and don't insult those who fought in it by presuming you know anything at all about what happened!"

"He's a Death Eater Sir," Gareth whispered furiously. "He fought against you..."

"There is no black and white in war," Harry seethed. "And if any of you had fucking fought in one, you'd know it too." He rounded on Draco. "Answer his question, tell them what I can't..."

"Fuck off Potter, no way in hell!" Draco shook his head.

"Why?!" Harry argued. "Why the hell wouldn't you want people to know the reasons you did the shit you did?! It's not in any of the fucking history books and it's not likely to be if you don't say anything!"

"I don't want it in the history books!" Draco cried. "Merlin man, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Why the hell would I want people to know why I did all those things?! No matter the reason it still wasn't good enough to do it all anyway! Not to mention the fact that no one is going to give a flying fuck what I did and why, and no one has the right to ask them to!"

"Draco, our main problem with this unit is that none of them understand what the enemy is really like. They see everything as black and white, they see that you got off scot free for something you should have served life in Azkaban for." Harry tried to reason with him.

"I did get off scot free," Draco said.

"No, you didn't," Harry said. "The fact that you barely screamed when that curse hit you proves you didn't get away scot free."

"So what? I can take a crucio like a punch to the gut, big deal." Draco shrugged.

"Tell me, how many times do you have to be hit with that curse to be so used to it that you learn not to scream?" Harry snapped.

"A fair few, why? D'you want me to teach you? I'll keep count if you like?" Draco snapped back.

"People need to know," Harry said defiantly. "Being blissfully and ignorantly hateful is what started the whole fucking problem in the first place!"

"How is baring my bloody soul going to help anyone?!" Draco roared.

"For fuck's sake Draco just tell them and stop being such a bloody martyr!" Harry huffed.

Draco roared and flung his hands in the air before starting to pace up and down in front of the ever curious crowd. He set his sights on Rose and gave her the most intimidating, coldest look he could muster.

"This is all your fucking fault!" He spat.

"Oh save me the details Draco and either storm out or say something," Rose sighed and folded her arms, staring him down. Draco advanced on her quickly and several people started pointing wands at him in anticipation of an attack. Rose simply rolled her eyes as he came almost nose to nose with her.

"How many times do I have to say it...?" she groaned like a defeated parent. "I am not afraid of you." Rose levelled him with a look, eyebrows raised. Draco sagged and huffed before turning back to face Harry and the rest of the crowd.

"None of you told your kids the half of what really happened and you want me to go into the gory details of what life was like on my side of the war?" Draco scoffed irritably. "I'm aware of how much you suffered under our hands, I was fucking there for merlin's sake!" He ran his hands through his hair and locked eyes with Harry. "I don't say this lightly, but what you lot went through was a walk in the fucking park compared to the shit I remember. D'you really want me to tell them? Considering they have no fucking clue whatsoever?"

"They're of age," Harry said.

"You're fucking mental! I can't even tell my own family! I can't even say most of it out loud in a room on my own!" Draco cried, looking at Harry in disbelief.

"Well, you're doing pretty well so far," he smirked.

"Fuck off Harry," Draco grimaced tiredly.

"Just answer the question, you don't have to give a blow by blow account of everything that happened to you in the war," Harry said.

"What exactly was the question?" Draco said.

"How many times do you have to be crucio'd before you can control the scream?" Harry said.

"I lost count," Draco bit out.

"Rough estimate?" Harry pushed.

"How many days did the war last?" Draco asked.

"You were crucio'd everyday?" Drake snorted in disbelief.

"It's how I was woken most mornings." Draco shifted uncomfortably, giving Rose a dark look. It was what he meant when he told her he learnt to always sleep with one eye open, and it would have been kinder if they'd just killed him.

"Seriously?" Gareth mocked. "And you didn't go mad from torture because...?"

"Because the Dark Lord knew just how far he could push a person before they broke. He'd always ease off before you got to a point where you weren't likely to come back," Draco forced himself to speak. "...he also knew exactly how much respite was needed before he started up again, not a minute too late either."

"Voldemort tortured you personally?" Drake scoffed. "Because you were so bloody important..."

.

"I'm done," Draco said, his tone clipped and his patience obviously wearing.

"Telling them all of it, it would make them understand," Harry said quietly.

"I never wanted them to understand," Draco said. "I don't even fucking understand..."

"I'm sorry Sir, but he will never be able to give a good enough explanation," Drake spat. "My whole family were fucking purebloods and Voldemort wiped them out, with his fucking help!"

"They wouldn't join him," Draco said calmly.

"Of course they fucking wouldn't! We weren't stupid fucking psychopaths!" Drake raged. "We wanted no part in the fucking war, it wasn't as though we fought with the fucking Order. But you killed them all anyway!"

"Yes, because Voldemort was a stupid, fucking, psychopath," Draco said. "You couldn't reason with him, he wasn't a reasonable man. He was immensely intelligent and ridiculously idiotic all at the same time. The shit he spouted was all because his magical mother died and his muggle father left her. He hated he was a halfblood and he hated that his mother couldn't defeat death even with magic on her side. All he did was fucking hate. No matter what side you were on, he hated you. Not fighting with him was as good as fighting against him, everyone knew that. Your family were noble in what they did, refusing to join him, but they were stupid to think he'd let them live after that. The Dark Lord was not the most feared wizard of all time because he was merciful or understanding, he was feared because he was the biggest fucking prick to walk the planet and he had enough magic and intelligence to force people to listen to him."

"So what? You're saying their deaths were their own fault?" Drake looked like he'd swallowed something particularly nasty.

"No, I'm saying they weren't smart enough to stay alive," Draco said.

"So, they should have joined him anyway? Just to stay alive? Pretty cowardly, isn't it?" Drake sneered.

"Yes, it is. But yet here I stand and here they aren't." Draco looked at him blankly, his face completely devoid of any and all emotion. He'd shut them down and turned them off, like he always did when it got too difficult to deal with. Like he did when Scorpius badgered him into telling him something awful that happened during the war, like he did when Rose berated him so long she dragged up memories too painful to relive in full colour, like he did whenever his father was mentioned and whenever the war was brought into conversation. People assumed it was because he was ashamed, or bitter, or angry or frustrated; they had no idea it was because he was forced to remember the physical pain and the torture, the screams and the howls, the blood and the death. And the hate, all the hate, so much hate.

Draco suddenly bent over double as Drake's hatred coursed through his veins and boiled his blood. Seconds later and the man had been disarmed, he was bound tightly and angry tears were escaping his eyes.

"Did you do it? Or did your Death Eater family kill them all?!" Drake roared. The large crowd still gathered around them were stock still as they all waited with baited breath. Draco just wanted it all to end, he just wanted to go home.

"I don't know," he said.

"What's the matter? Can't remember how many victims fell at the end of your wand?" Drake snapped.

"Enough," Harry said quietly, his face pale and his energy drained. This was not how he expected this session to go.

"Enough? Enough?!" Drake raged. "The people he hurt and the things he did...! He should be rotting away in Azkaban for his crimes, like every other fucking Death Eater! He only switched sides because he was smart enough to realise his side was fucking losing!"

"He was sixteen," Rose spoke up, her voice firm. "He was a child."

"Don't start that again Granger!" Draco growled in her direction, suddenly very relieved he had someone he could yell at that wouldn't take it all the wrong way and wouldn't be terrified of attack.

"Start what?" Rose asked. "You were a child!"

"And I've told you I wasn't much of kid by then!" Draco growled.

"That's beside the point! I don't feel like much of a child and you still told me I am because I'm eighteen!" Rose cried. "That's two years older than you were! Plus the fact that you didn't believe what you were fighting for and hadn't done for several years! You never switched sides because you were afraid to lose, you switched because it was the first chance you'd had to do so and not get yourself or your family killed!"

"Shut up Rose!" Draco shouted.

"Is she serious?!" Louise looked with wide eyes at Draco. "Is that the truth?!"

"It doesn't matter!" Draco barked.

"Of course it fucking matters!" Ginny screeched at him. "If your heart wasn't in your fight it would make all the fucking difference!"

"Maybe in the fucking fight it would, but at Malfoy Manor it made no fucking difference at all!" Draco roared. "It didn't matter if my actions were carried out with conviction or not, I still carried them out!"

"Draco, it still makes a difference!" Ginny yelled. "How do you not bloody see that?!"

"Because you aren't the one who has to relive it! You aren't the one who sees their faces and hears their screams! It doesn't make a fucking difference! It never made a fucking difference!" Draco's chest heaved as he breathed in and out, his eyes closing as he realised exactly how much he'd said.

"So you do remember all of them?" Louise said gently.

"Of course I fucking do," Draco sighed, lifting his lids and casting a wary glance around him. "Doesn't mean I remember any of their names though..."

"So you do care?" Tyler interjected.

"I'm not inhuman," Draco growled.

"No, your not. And part of being human is making mistakes," Ginny said softly.

Draco snorted. "Part of being human is fucking paying for them."

"And is that what you think your doing now? By holding on to all of it and refusing to let go?" George frowned.

"I'm sorry, I don't recall the mandatory 'offer' to come and consult with you lot extending to my being psychoanalysed. You're not picking me apart, and I'm not helping you understand what happened on my side of the war. Living it once is enough, thank you very much." Draco shook his head and his decades old trademark sneer reappeared on his face.

"I'd agree with you if you had indeed stopped living it," George mumbled and Draco glared more fiercely at him. George raised his hands in mock surrender. "I'm just saying."

"Say what you want, I'm going home." Draco stalked out of the simulation room at a brisk pace, dodging all the hateful and disgusted looks as he made his way to the floos and back to Malfoy Manor. Letting Rose force him into helping her was such a stupid thing to do, he sighed resignedly as he poured himself a large dose of muggle whiskey. He took a shuddering gulp, trying to calm his trembling nerves before the memories caught up to him and the horror of those dark years replayed inside his head on an unrelenting loop.

.

The rest of the department, still in the simulation room, all looked back at Rose.

"He's a complicated arsehole," she said.

"He's a monster," Drake snapped. "He's evil and twisted and he should be rotting in Azkaban with the rest of them!"

"He's not a monster!" Rose cried angrily. "He thinks he's a bloody monster but he's not!"

"I don't care how bad he had it, I don't care what you could tell me about him, I will always hate his fucking guts! Nothing you can say will ever excuse what he did!" Drake roared.

"I'm not trying to excuse his actions!" Rose screamed back.

"It fucking feels like it!" Drake struggled angrily against the ropes holding him back.

"I'm just trying to tell you that he doesn't go unpunished!" Rose cried. "Nothing you say or do could possibly make it any worse, you're arguing with a man who actually agrees with you, and you're angry at a man who doesn't exist!"

"How can you stand there and defend him?! After everything he's done?!" Drake looked at her incredulously, his tone implying a hint of betrayal.

"Because I know him. He's one of my closest friends..." Rose started.

"Closest friends?!" Drake cried. "Please tell me you're fucking joking?! He tried to kill most of your fucking family!"

"He's not that guy, he was never that guy! He was a terrified and trapped child!" Rose argued.

"He said himself he wasn't much of a fucking child by then!" Drake barked back.

"Have you any idea the kind of shit you have to go through, not to feel like a child by the age of sixteen?!" Rose raged at the ignorant man bound before her.

"Losing nearly your entire family will do that to you," Drake said. "Trust me, I know..." he growled.

"Rose, drop it, this is not for you to argue," George raised his arm at her as she went to open her mouth.

"But..."

"No, it's not your fight. Only Malfoy can fight this and he doesn't want to." George gave her a sympathetic look.

"Besides, it doesn't matter much since I need to get Drake here to a holding cell and then over to Azkaban and that's going to take quite a lot of paperwork," Harry said, moving to take a suddenly very pale Drake to the small prison located at the back of their department.

"You can't do that," Rose said with a sigh.

"What? Why not?" Harry frowned. "He cast an unforgivable, technically he cast two..."

"I never cast the first one," Drake mumbled feebly. "He just pushed me too far when I cast the second one..."

"Then we'll check everyone's wands before we all leave for the day," Harry said. "Two lots of paperwork..."

"Uncle Harry, you have to let them go," Rose said again. "Sack them if you have to, that's your call, but you can't send them to Azkaban."

"They cast an unforgivable," Harry reiterated slowly and frustratedly.

"I know, but Draco didn't want them charged for it," Rose said. "You can't send them to Azkaban, there's already so much he won't forgive himself for and this would just add to it."

"That's beside the point Rose! Everyone knows unforgivable curses carry a life in Azkaban sentence! How am I supposed to uphold that if I let two of my own staff get away with it?!" Harry cried.

"No one has to know," Rose pleaded.

"Don't let me off to save that fucker!" Drake growled.

"Uncle Harry, please, listen to me," Rose stepped to face him and ignored Drake's persistent grumblings. "I don't care about Drake, and whoever cast the first curse. But Draco won't be able to cope knowing that someone was sent to Azkaban because they hurt him. He'll see their actions today as justified, and to some extend he's not wrong." Harry gave her a strange and skeptical look. "These people don't know the Draco Malfoy I do, they don't know who he really is, and even I know he still did really terrible and really evil things. Whoever hurt him did it because they were hurting and no matter how you want to look at it, Draco believes he deserves it. You cannot imprison someone for doing something Draco feels he deserves because that's two more lives you're adding to his conscience."

"Rose, I don't know..." Harry frowned.

"This isn't about someone not facing punishment," Rose said stubbornly. "This is about choosing to forgo that punishment to spare another from a worse fate. Please, Uncle Harry?" Rose looked imploringly at him. "Drake isn't going unpunished by not going to Azkaban, he'll be indebted to Draco for remaining a free man and I can't think of a worse sentence you could give him."

Harry sighed in defeat, knowing he was making the right decision when he caught Ginny's approving eye. He nodded slowly and undid Drake's bindings. "You're suspended from duty until further notice. I will owl you when I have decided what to do about your employment with us."

"I will never be indebted to a fucking Malfoy," Drake spat as he walked past Rose, his angry glare attempting to penetrate her unwavering stance.

"Don't worry Drake, he'll never see it that way." Rose kept her eyes glued to his. "You're secret's safe with me."

"Fucking bitch!" He growled as he left the room.

"Thank you Uncle Harry," Rose said.

"I'm not promising he'll keep his job, same as whoever else cast the first crucio," Harry said. "I can't work with people I don't trust."

"Me neither," Rose said. "But I appreciate you not condemning them for the rest of their lives."

"It was the thought of the paperwork in the end," Harry chuckled and Rose gave him a small grin back. The teams dispersed in an uneasy silence and went back to their own offices and desks, handing in their wands for testing before packing up to go home. The whole showdown in the simulation room had given quite a few of them a lot to think about.

...

"Draco!" Rose hissed through his bedroom door at three thirty in the morning.

"What?!" He growled back as he yanked the door open.

"Coffee and chocolate?" Rose looked at him as though it was obvious.

"Fuck off Granger, I'm not in the mood tonight," he snarled, making to slam the door. Rose shoved her foot in the doorway and then began jumping up and down on the spot, holding back her squeals of pain as the door came in contact with her foot. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?!"

"Coffee and chocolate!" Rose hissed, holding on to Draco's outstretched hand in an attempt to steady herself.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" He grumbled, bending down to scoop Rose up and carry her to the kitchen.

"What are you doing?!" Rose squeaked as he hauled her over his shoulder.

"Carrying you, what does it look like?" He scoffed.

"Why did you have to carry me over your shoulder?" She huffed, folding her arms petulantly as the blood rushed to her head.

"Because I'm your future father-in-law, not your fucking boyfriend," Draco said.

"You could have just helped me walk," she pointed out.

"I don't have the patience tonight," he replied.

Draco placed Rose unceremoniously upon a stool at the island in the kitchen. He took a quick minute to assess the damage in her foot and repair it before heading over to the kettle and preparing two coffees. As he pottered about the kitchen fixing their drinks he threw two large bars of chocolate on the counter in front of Rose, who set to opening them and breaking them into chunks, making their usual mountain.

"Thank you," Rose said as Draco put her mug down in front of her, a little more irritably than normal. He remained silent and stoic as Rose grabbed a couple of chocolate chunks and popped them in her mouth. "I'm sorry...about today..."

"You fucking should be," he growled.

"Hey! I didn't completely disregard the training exercise and decide to take on the whole fucking department with two other idiots!" Rose cried. "I'm sorry you got hurt and it got awkward and uncomfortable, but it wasn't entirely my fault!"

"You think I give a crap about being crucio'd by some arsehole who barely knows the meaning of the word hate? You think I care about the bloody atmosphere?!" Draco sneered. "I'm not pissed about getting cursed and I'm not pissed about it getting tense-"

"Then what are you so pissed about?!" Rose barked.

"That you tried to defend me!" Draco snapped.

"What?" Rose's face softened slightly and she looked at him in surprise.

"Everyone in today's world lost somebody they knew or they loved to that war, it is not up to you to defend my actions in the face of their anguish," Draco said, his voice cracking slightly.

"Draco..."

"No." He shook his head. "You don't get it, and you never will. No matter how much I tell you, you won't ever get it..."

"Drake didn't go down for it," Rose said quietly.

"Good, because he didn't bloody deserve to," Draco said.

"I don't believe he did either," Rose agreed, making Draco snap his eyes up to meet hers. "To them you're a monster, and monsters deserve to be punished."

"I am a monster," Draco whispered.

"No, you aren't," Rose said, with too much conviction for Draco to swallow.

"I lied, I remember all their names," Draco said.

"All their names?" Rose frowned in confusion.

"Drake asked me if I had a hand in the death of his family, or if my Death Eater family did the deed instead...?" Draco drew in a deep breath and squared his shoulders. He looked up at Rose who shook her head slightly, pleading with him not to say anymore. "I did, I remember exactly what happened to them. Problem is, telling him exactly what happened to them is not going to ease his troubles." Draco's voice had become detached, but still harsh and full of contempt. "Most people just want to know if their loved ones suffered before they died, you know?"

"Draco stop..."

"But it was Voldmort, the Dark Lord..."

"Draco-"

"...Of course they fucking suffered!" He barked a mirthless laugh.

"Draco!"

"But no one wants to hear how their mother screamed, or how their father wept or how their brother was torn apart or their sister given to satisfy deranged Death Eaters..." Draco spat. "I could tell the fucker exactly what happened to his fucking family!"

"Stop!" Rose cried, feeling her heart break that little bit more; for him, for them, for everyone who had to suffer at Voldemort's hands.

"You wanted to know, you wanted to hear exactly what I witnessed and exactly what I went through!" Draco snarled. "What's the matter? This too much for you to handle?"

"No! I can handle a damn sight more than that!" Rose yelled, an angry tear sliding past her lashes. "I can't handle the look in your eye!"

"What look?!" Draco frowned at her in bewilderment.

"The look that tells me if you walked in the door and faced yourself right now, you'd tear yourself limb from fucking limb with nothing but your bare hands and your teeth!" Rose let out a strangled cry. "The look you always seem to have in your eyes but right now is intensified beyond anything I've seen before, the look that tells me just how much you hate yourself..." she held back a sob and swallowed the lump in her throat that had grown as she'd spoken.

"It's not hard to hate me Granger," Draco sighed.

"On the contrary, I don't think I could ever hate you," Rose wiped away her tears slowly before grabbing a few more pieces of chocolate to keep her hands busy.

"Oh you could," Draco said as he sipped his coffee. "Remember, most of the shit I did was to your fucking family..."

Rose froze as those words hit her ears. She could feel Draco's eyes on her and after all the things he'd just said, she wasn't sure how to answer him. She still didn't hate him, that much she knew. But she could feel the bile rising up in her throat, the sting at hearing how ugly the war really was and having just some inkling about what actually happened to her family during it. She lifted her gaze slowly and met his waiting eyes.

"I don't hate you," she whispered.

"You really should," he replied. "Because it was me, all of it, every time." He took a long and deep breath. "The Dark Lord, he made me partake in every...meeting...that we had in the Manor, and quite a few outside of it too. Bellatrix was no different, she had her claws firmly embedded in my leash. It was punishment for being too fucking weak to take out Dumbledore, like he knew it wasn't in me so he forced it out anyway."

"Draco," Rose sniffed as she looked at his disgusted expression.

"Anything that happened, everything that happened...I had front row tickets with a participation clause. You defend me by saying I was a child and I didn't want to do it anyway...that argument is null and void when my body count is almost as high as Voldemort and Bellatrix, and the pain I caused our victims was just as palatable as theirs." He gave her a resolute look and did his best to mask the absolute agony he was in.

"But you didn't believe any of it...?" Rose frowned, her voice breaking.

"You have to really mean an unforgivable, yes. But no one said anything about feeling any of that towards the person you're aiming it at." Draco shoulders slumped and his eyes closed with his damning confession. Several tears made track marks down his face before he spoke again, his voice coarse and pained. "You said yourself that you've never seen anyone hate the way I hate myself...how'd you think I managed a convincing crucio?"

Rose jumped down off her stool and ran out of the room.

.

She launched herself full pelt towards Scorp's bedroom and threw herself gracelessly inside. In seconds she was at his side and shaking him awake.

"Scorp!" She hissed. "Scorp wake up!"

"What? Why? What time is it?" He mumbled.

"Really early," Rose said, chewing her lip. "But I need help with your dad..."

"Why? I thought you said you could handle my dad?" Scorp shook the sleep off slightly to raise his head and eye Rose.

"I can, I can handle a pissed off, almost violent and completely irate Draco Malfoy. I cannot handle this, this Draco Malfoy." Rose shook her head. "I've never seen him like this..." she shook her head sadly at Scorp.

"Like what?" Scorp was wide awake now and looking a little concerned.

"It's like he's stewing in his self hatred. Like...like..."

"Like if he could take it all out on himself he probably would...?" Scorp asked tentatively.

"Yeah," Rose nodded.

"Shit!" Scorp growled and was out of bed faster than Rose could move. "What was the last thing he said?"

"Something about how he could cast all those unforgivable curses during the war by channelling his hatred for himself as opposed to his hatred for whoever he was aiming it at," Rose said, going to follow Scorp as he stopped abruptly in the doorway.

"What?" He looked completely aghast.

"I didn't know what to do..." Rose sniffed. "I can't make him see that he's not a monster..."

"Rosie..." Scorp sighed and tugged Rose's hand, pulling into a gentle and reassuring hug. He kissed her temple before they both took off for the kitchen hand in hand.

Draco was still sat at the counter, his head leant on his folded arms and his shoulders shaking.

"Dad?" Scorp called softly as he moved around one side of his father.

"Scorp?" Draco looked up and let out a strangled sort of cry. His eyes were still wet with tears. "What're you doing up?"

"Rose came to get me," Scorp said softly.

"Why?" Draco frowned.

"Because she's not used to this side of you," Scorp said.

"You mean the one where who I am catches up to me?" Draco scoffed.

"No, I mean the one where you say too much in an attempt to get everyone to hate you as much as you hate yourself," Scorp sighed, perching on the stool next to his dad and grabbing a couple blocks of chocolate.

"Did it work?" Draco asked, unaware that Rose was the other side of him.

"No," she said. Draco whipped his head around so fast she could have sworn she heard it crack.

"You ran away," he said.

"Because I didn't know what to do with you in this state," Rose sat down too. "You scared me, and not in the way you think you should." Her voice broke. "I wish you could see yourself the way we see you..." she whispered.

"That's a pretty fucking inaccurate perception you've got though," Draco sniffed and began playing with his mug. "I don't deserve Scorpius, but I have him anyway and it's a conclusion I came to accept many many years ago." He sighed and looked up at Rose again. "But you? I don't understand how you see a light that isn't there? You look at me as though I'm one of the good guys and I know I sure as hell don't deserve that! I mean, Scorp sees it, sure, I'm his fucking father...but you? I tortured half your fucking family! Hell, I think I even killed a few!"

"Dad!" Scorpius gave a harsh cry and fixed his father with a reprimanding look.

"Sorry...I shouldn't have said that...sorry..." Draco mumbled and shook his head, letting it rest on his forearms again.

"Where's the firewhiskey?" Scorp asked Rose.

"What? You can't give him firewhiskey in this state!" Rose hissed.

"He's drunk on his own self loathing, the only way to kick him out of it is to actually get him drunk," Scorpius said. "He'll wake up tomorrow with a blinding headache and an unhealthy dose of denial but it's the only thing I've found that works when he's in this mood."

"Really?" Rose shifted uncertainly.

"I trusted you when he was angry, but you came to get me tonight. Trust me, please..." Scorp gave her a forlorn look and Rose nodded. She went and retrieved the firewhiskey from its hiding place and poured three generous helpings into three glasses, offering one to Scorp as she placed Draco's in front of him.

"Oh! If I'd known this was what it took to get my firewhiskey back, I'd have done it ages ago!" Draco scoffed.

"Just shut up and drink the fucking liquor!" Rose snapped, frustrated that she didn't have a handle on him like this.

"So, what happened today?" Scorpius asked. His gaze flicked between his father and Rose, knowing it must have been something to do with Draco helping her at the Ministry.

"Nothing," Draco grumbled.

"He fought the entire auror department alongside Ginny and George, and there were a couple of aurors who took offence to his presence..." Rose cleared her throat nervously.

"And?" Scorpius could see she wasn't saying something.

"And nothing," Draco growled.

"One of them crucio'd him mid fight-"

"What?!"

"It was no big deal," Draco argued.

"Yes it bloody was!" Rose cried. "Anyway, it sort of paused the apparent lesson Uncle Harry and three of them were trying to teach us..." Rose sighed and explained to Scorpius exactly what happened up until the point Draco had left.

"So what happened to the two who cast the crucios?" Scorpius frowned angrily.

"They were both suspended," she said.

"Unforgivables hold a lifelong sentence in Azkaban," Scorpius said through gritted teeth. "Please tell me they didn't escape that because it was my fucking father they cursed?"

"Not exactly," Rose said quietly.

"What does that mean?" Scorpius hissed.

"I'll explain later," Rose said.

"Explain now!" Scorp demanded hotly.

"It means Harry wanted to sentence them to Azkaban and Granger here talked him out of it," Draco said, a mixture of amusement, frustration and gratitude evident in his voice.

"Why the fuck would you talk him out of it?!" Scorpius looked at her in disbelief. "You know how unfair that was!"

"Because they didn't deserve life in prison for getting angry at me," Draco said. "I did help kill Drake's whole family..."

"Under duress!" Scorp snapped.

"But I still did it," Draco shrugged defiantly. "And without a shred of mercy. They suffered and they suffered horribly."

"But that's not on you!" Scorp barked frustratedly.

"Was my wand, attached to my hand," Draco slurred a little as he downed his fourth glass of firewhiskey since Rose had brought the bottle out.

"Dad!" Scorp groaned.

"'m goin' t'bed," Draco huffed, taking the firewhiskey with him but leaving his glass. Scorp watched forlornly as his dad stalked out the door.

.

"Explain," Scorp turned to Rose, angry and upset. "Why did you help those fuckers get away with it."

"Because for Drake it was the worst punishment he could get and for your dad...I couldn't let Uncle Harry add two more lives to his conscience." Rose looked up at Scorp sadly as a few tears leaked out of her eyes. "I'm sorry it feels like your dad was treated unfairly, and that they got away with it just because it was him but...he didn't want them punished and I knew, I just knew that no matter how much I tried to convince him he didn't deserve it but they did deserve to go to Azkaban, he'd never believe me. And then he'd feel guilty for their prison sentence and he already feels too guilty for so many things he shouldn't...I couldn't watch any more added to that."

Scorpius slipped off his stool and came to wrap his arms around Rose, sniffing as a few of his own tears trailed down his cheeks. Rose nestled her face into his collar bone and sobbed quietly, feeling so frustrated with the whole thing.

"I'm sorry Scorp, I really am..." she whispered into his skin.

"No, don't be sorry." Scorp shook his head. "I should have known you'd be thinking about dad and not the others..."

"Well, I was kind of thinking about Drake too, because there was no worse a sentence he could have had than being indebted to your dad for not being in Azkaban," Rose said.

"So so Slytherin..." Scorp chuckled.

"I just...I couldn't see your dad drown in any more guilt and self disgust." Rose sighed. "He's never going to see he's not guilty, is he?"

"I don't think so," Scorp said sadly.

"D'you think he'll ever forgive himself at least?" Rose sniffed.

"I don't know," Scorp said. "But I don't think so..."

"I just wish he wasn't so crippled by it all the time!" Rose cried. "It's just not fair!"

"I know, I know it's not..." Scorpius soothed.

"How have you done this for so many years?!" Rose asked.

"I learnt too long ago that dad wasn't ever going to see it any way but his way," Scorp said. "I tried to get him to understand it wasn't all on him, but...he just...he can't..."

"I hate your grandparents," Rose said without thinking.

"I'm not a big fan of them either," Scorp sighed. "But you should give yourself some credit, I've never seen someone break his walls as fast as you are, or get as far in as you have."

"But it feels like it hasn't made a blind bit of difference!"

"Rosie, the fact that dad was working with your Aunt and Uncles today proves it has made a great deal of difference," Scorp said. "The fact that he let slip that stupid comment about Lucius, proves your efforts haven't been in vain. He'd never have done that before you barged in here with a fucking sledge hammer and started remodelling our entire existence." He smiled at Rose's almost apologetic grimace.

"I love you," she whispered.

"And I love you..." Scorpius pulled her back into a hug, kissing her temple and smoothing his fingers through her hair. "He's going to be bloody savage tomorrow so I'd steer clear of him for a bit..."

"I can deal with bloody savage," Rose let out a shaky breath.

"He really shook you up tonight, didn't he?" Scorp sighed.

"I...yes." She nodded numbly. "I'm struggling with the idea that he may have been right, that he'll never have a decent night's sleep till the day he dies..." she let out a strangled sob. "And I hate so much how that is so unfair!" She whispered.

"It's the by product of being in a war and fighting for the wrong side," Scorp said. "I know he was pushed into it but it doesn't stop him from having lived it."

"But he didn't want to..."

"Neither did your parents or aunts or uncles, difference was, they were hunted whereas dad was the hunter. The pain he caused while trying to stay alive was never for a greater good, it was never justifiable to anyone but himself." Scorpius wiped away more of Rose's tears with the pad of his thumb. "And as hard as that hurts to hear it, I do understand it. And that's what gets him in these moods, when that reality becomes so much more apparent to him. I've been beside him for so long now, I learnt to accept that a while ago."

"I'm sorry, that you had to. That both of you had to." Rose sniffed and took hold of Scorp's hand, intertwining his fingers with her own. "None of it should ever have been something you both had to learn to accept."

"Come on, let's get back to bed." Scorp tugged on her arm and led her back to his room.

Rose crawled back into bed and Scorpius followed, sighing as he eased back into the cushions. Rose turned to face him, her heart still hurting for him and for his father. She felt such admiration for the beautiful blonde man lying across from her, thinking of how much he'd had to carry from such a young age. Scorp had watched his father, had seen the man beyond broken and heard some of his most awful secrets, he'd listened and learned and accepted everything his dad had said to him without question. He'd accepted the fact that he couldn't change Draco's mindset, and that was what floored Rose the most. Scorpius selflessly carried his father without hope of change, without believing that at some point Draco would get better or see things differently. He loved the man knowing he would never love himself, something Rose was having great trouble accepting. She loved Draco as one of her closest friends and she could feel nothing but true heart ache at the thought he would never see himself as anything more than a monster.

Rose lifted her hand and gently placed her palm on Scorpius' cheek, smoothing her fingertips along his jawline as she did. Her troubled blue eyes found his understanding grey ones and the love she felt for him bubbled over in her chest. Leaning in she captured his lips in the softest of kisses, trying to show him how in awe of him she was. Everything she had she poured into that kiss, her lips moving in time with his own. Scorpius moved to rest above her, deepening their kiss, his hand gripping the back of her neck as though she were a life line. As though she were the first person in his life to truly understand, to finally get it. And she was. The two clung to each other, their kisses and touches remaining slow and purposeful for many minutes, before breaking apart and settling into each other waiting for sleep to take them over. Rose sighed, relieved she had Scorpius and his comforting arms.

"Do you regret it?" Scorp barely whispered.

"Regret what?" Rose whispered back.

"Upending our world? Knowing what you know now...would you take it all back if you could?"

"Do I really have to dignify that with an answer?" Rose scoffed.

"I don't deserve you," Scorp sighed.

"Don't fucking start that," Rose said, a deep warning tone to her voice. "I can't deal with two delusional Malfoys!"

"Rosie..."

"Don't Rosie me! I'm being fucking serious," she ground out. "There is no reason why you don't deserve me! I love you, and you can have me without having to 'deserve' it, whatever you think that means...so bloody deal with it!"

"Okay!" Scorp said with an amused sigh. "I just meant...I'm lucky to have found you. Is that better?"

"A little, although if we're being precise, it's more like 'I'm lucky I stopped being such a bloody tosser for more than ten seconds at a time whilst in your presence'," Rose grinned.

"Hi pot, I believe in this scenario I would be the kettle?" Scorpius smirked.

"No way! I was never as bad as you!" Rose denied.

"Please! You were the devil wrapped up in the skin of a goody-two-shoes. I was an angel disguised as a monster."

"One delusional Malfoy, one!"

"That was pretty accurate, and you know it!" Scorpius laughed.

"Shut up and go to sleep," Rose said, a lazy smile stretching across her face as she wriggled back into him, resting her arms on top of Scorp's that were locked around her waist.

"Night Rosie," Scorp sighed contentedly.

"Night Scorp," Rose yawned back, her eyelids falling shut.

A/N - I'm so so so sorry it's late. I'm hoping the word count makes up for it a little bit and the next chapter won't be too far behind. This one is a pretty intense chapter too but don't worry because the next one will be a lot lighter, sorry I keep going that...

As always, thank you so much for the favourites, follows and reviews. I hope this chapter lives up to expectations and everyone enjoys it as much as the rest of the story :)