I didn't reach 70 reviews :( and I was going to wait and then upload this, but I'm dying to share this with you all.

I never planned on writing this chapter, but after a while of thinking, I decided I would write it. I thought it would be a great Idea for you guys to see things the way Bella sees them. So, this chapter is so you can fully understand Bella's story, and to get to know the person underneath the bitch.

Reviews would be amazing x

Chapter 36

Bella's P.O.V

I was in the car with Tom, driving to help Mum with preparing for the One Direction Charity Concert. We couldn't wait to see them, it had been far too long. The thought of seeing Louis again brought a huge smile to my face.

"What are you so smiley about?" laughed Tom as we drove.

"Nothing really…" I giggled. "I just can't wait to see the boys."

"Well Louis you mean." smiled Tom.

"Yeah… Louis."

The last time I had seen him was at the house warming party, just after they had moved in. I remembered Niall coming down the stairs and asking everyone to leave. It was so weird. We didn't even get to say goodbye to the boys. Even Mum had no idea what was going on.

We pulled up outside the arena and made our way inside. The security guard let us straight in with no questions asked. I guess that was the best thing about being tight with a famous boy band.

We walked through the backstage corridors and found ourselves behind a huge curtain that ran across the stage. We could hear people talking and laughing from the other side.

I quickly fixed my hair and adjusted my clothes before shouting, "Mum we're here!" Tom and I walked out from behind the curtain and saw Mum standing on the stage, and the five boys sitting in the front row of seats.

We went over and hugged Mum while the boys made their way up on stage to say hello. I hugged all of them, none of them made eye contact with me at all except for Louis, who gave me a huge smile as he hugged me. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, and I was suddenly reminded of the time he kissed me outside the restaurant. And when that Tia bitch tried to take him away from me. Slut, I thought.

"Well listen guys I'd better be going." Said Louis. My heart fell. I wanted to spend more time with him.

"Alright." Said Mum.

"But we only just got here!" I said quickly running up to him and pressing myself against him. Hopefully that would make him stay.

"This is more important." smiled Louis, shaking me off a little.

"More important than me?" I winked. Where did he have to go?

"Bell let him go." Interrupted Tom.

"Just try not to be too long okay?" said Mum with a concerned look on her face.

"I don't know how long it will go for." said Lou. "But I'll try get back as quick as possible."

"So where are you going?" I asked. "Can I come?"

"Bella leave him alone!" said Harry. What was up his ass?

"Jeez no need to shout Harold." I scolded. "I just wanna hang out with my Boo Bear." I pinched Louis' cheeks.

"We can hang out after then." said Louis.

"Why are you guys all of a sudden so serious?" I asked. "Has something happened?"

There was a long pause of awkward of silence. "Well I'm off kids." said Louis.

"Good luck man." said Harry, kissing him on the cheek.

"Yeah good luck." Said Liam. "I'm sure everything will be fine."

Lou gave everyone hugs but as he got to me, I quickly released myself out of his grasp and hurried off the stage as tiny tears filled my eyes.

I quickly ran to Mum's private room and slammed the door shut behind me. I collapsed on the couch and sobbed into one of the pillows. After a little while of sobbing, Tom came into the room.

"What do you want?" I moaned.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"Why are you such a good brother?" I said, a faint smile coming to my face.

"I saw you in there." Said Tom. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know when you're upset. Especially over boys..."

I sat up a bit and looked him in the eyes. "Do you think the boys have changed?" I asked.

"Honestly?" he asked and I nodded. "No. I think it's you that has changed. With everything that's been going on with you lately, I think it's all in your end."

I sighed. I was glad he was honest. "I came here tonight thinking that it would make me happy." I said.

"I know…" said Tom. "I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through. It's been three years and I still have to remind myself of your pain and to make sure I don't push you over the edge."

"You've been a terrific brother to me." I said. "Through everything. Through the entire depression, the crying myself to sleep, the bad moods, the cutting…"

"Never think that I'm not here for you." He said, placing his hand on my wrist. He started stroking my scars with his thumb. "You're my sister, it's my job to take care of you."

"I just wish I could tell him…" I said.

"That you're in love with him?" asked Tom.

I nodded.

Nobody except for Mum and Tom knew about all this. And it wasn't like I had a best friend to talk to or anything.

Tom and I spent the rest of the day in Mum's room laughing and playing around. He was so good at distracting me from the pain. But I guess it was because he had so much practice.

About half an hour before the show started, Mum came in telling us that Claire, Tia and Ally had arrived. I really didn't want to talk to Tia, but I thought it would be rude not to go and say hello.

We walked through the crowded corridors and into the dressing room. Everyone eyed me down as I walked in. I flashed everyone a huge fake smile and walked straight over to Louis and grabbed his hand. He gave me a cute smile that made my heart melt. Then out of nowhere, Tia grabbed his other hand. What was she trying to imply?

We all gathered around in one huge circle, connecting our arms to form a huddle. I held on tightly to Louis' arm.

"Alright boys." said Mum. "I know you guys will be amazing tonight. There are thousands of people here and there are quite a big number of celebrities here too. So we have to make this count alright?"

All of the boys nodded as they cleared their heads to get in their zone. Something I had seen them do many times before.

"You know what do to Harry." said Liam seriously.

Harry had a very serious look on his face and nodded, taking a deep breath in. Then his serious face turned into a huge grin.

"Let's do this poo." He beamed.

Everyone broke off from the huddle in pits of laughter and cheers, except for me. Harry would always be the immature kid that hated me. I wasn't about to laugh at his joke.

I suddenly caught sight of something in the corner of my eye. Something that made my stomach drop, my heart stop and my entire body freeze. I turned my head fully to see something that made my entire world crash down right before my eyes. Louis was kissing Tia. I could not hold my pain and anger in any longer.

"What is this!" I shouted. They both separated from each other, but Louis' hand was still on her waist. "What the hell is going on between you two?"

"Well…' smiled Tia. "We're sort of a couple."

The smile she had on her face made me ache inside. It was like, she was happy that I was hurting. But of course, she had no idea that I was hurting. No one did.

"What?" I snapped. I felt all of my emotions build up inside me, ready to pounce. "That's not possible, because Louis and I are supposed to be a couple."

I had no control whatsoever of what I was saying. I was sure that I would regret it later.

"Ah Bella?" said Lou. My gaze moved from Tia's to Louis'. His perfect face stared intently at mine. "You and I were never a couple…"

My stomach dropped even lower. "What?" I shouted. "What about that kiss?"

"You mean when you forced me to kiss you?" snapped Louis. I felt tears come to my eyes. Was I really hearing this?

"Guys please!" shouted Zayn. "We've got a show to do. We don't need any distractions."

I couldn't do it anymore, I needed to get out. I shoved through everyone and sprinted out the door. On my way I heard Liam shout, "Alright let's do this!" and then everyone started cheering.

"Bell! Wait!" I heard Tom shout from behind me. I slowed down a bit to let him catch up. When he reached me, I buried myself in his arms, and let the tears fall as hard and as fast as they wanted.

"I know…" he muttered. "I know…"

We walked towards the side of the stage where we would be sitting to watch the boys. If there was anything that might cheer me up, it was watching the boys sing. Tom held me in his arms as they began their first song.

I didn't take my eyes off Louis the entire show. And when he sang his solos, I buried my face into Tom's chest, tears falling effortlessly off my face. I could never tell him how I really felt about him. How are you supposed to tell a person that anyway? 'Hi, I've been in love with you for over a year and I've suffered from severe depression for three. But despite my flaws, I can actually be a nice person.' Which I knew wasn't true. I was a bitch. There was no doubt about it. I wanted to change so badly though. I loathed myself.

After the concert was over, Tom decided he was going to take me out for the night. We left the arena after saying goodbye to Mum and found a club just around the corner. We ate dinner and had a bit to drink. It definitely helped me get my mind off things.

I noticed Tom eyeing the door weirdly. I quickly turned around to see what he was looking at. The five boys and three girls were walking through the door and heading onto the dance floor. I immediately saw Tia and Louis dancing together, looking as happy as ever.

"Do you want to go?" shouted Tom through the loud music.

I shook my head. "I came here to enjoy myself. I'm not about to let them ruin it."

Tom smiled and then stood up, holding out his hand. I took it and we walked out onto the dance floor, as far away from Tia and Louis as possible. But despite the fact that they were all the way on the other side of the dance floor, I couldn't help but stare at them dancing together. Their bodies moved together with the music. A monster built up inside me, something that was a regular feeling to me. Louis kissed her neck as she moved her body closer into his.

What I did next was me letting all of my emotions out in one go. I couldn't help it. I had zero impulse control whatsoever. And I had to do something.

One minute I was marching down the dance floor towards them, the next I threw my drink onto Tia, causing her to fall backwards into the heap of smashed glass on the floor.

It didn't make me feel better at all.

"Bella what the fuck were you thinking!" shouted Louis as he rushed down to Tia's aid.

"I needed to let my anger out somehow!" I shouted back. The monster inside of me had been released.

"How dare you hurt her!" shouted Louis. The anger in his voice blew my heart to pieces. "Don't you ever touch her again."

"What's so special about her anyway?" I screamed, flinging my arms in the air. "What is so amazing about her that made you completely forget about me!"

Louis helped Tia to regain her balance. And then he slowly walked over to me, anger had filled his eyes, and his entire frame was shaking.

"Excuse me?" he started. "What is so special about her? And Bella when did you even get the impression that I liked you? Yes we flirted a bit, but I never had feelings for you!" he started to calm down a bit. "Tia is the most amazing girl I have ever met. I don't deserve her…"

"Lou…" said Tia butting in.

"No Ti let me talk." He gave her a faint smile then turned back to me.

"Bella there's something you should know. Tia and I, were more than just a fling now. You see, were going to be having a baby."

My heart stopped beating for a split second and my breathing hitched.

That was it.

There was no way my heart would ever beat the same after what I had just heard.

"Tia's pregnant."

I didn't even think it was possible for me to cry anymore. I thought I had run out of tears. But yet, they came anyway. "What?" I asked. I hoped maybe that I had heard wrong, that I had made up the whole thing in my head.

"I'm sorry." said Louis. "We should have told you earlier."

The monster rose again, and again I had no control over what it would do. The monster and I stormed over to Tia, and slapped her hard in the face.

The monster backed down, and I immediately regretted what I had just done.

"Bella!" screamed Louis.

"Don't you dare touch her bitch!" said Ally, pushing me. "Get the fuck out!" she screamed. I gave her a funny look, hoping that she would see the pain I was in. Ally was such a kind and gentle person, surely she would be able to see what was going on inside me. I looked her in the eyes, hoping and praying that she would realize. But she didn't. The anger that was plastered on her face stayed there. All hope was gone.

I ran out of the club and slammed open the door. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't live with the pain anymore. I needed to get out. Not just from the club, but from the country, the entire world. My world, was Louis' world. And I needed to get out of it. No matter how painful it would be. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't Tia's and it wasn't the baby's. It was my entire fault. I let everything lead to this. I didn't want to be this person. I loved him with all my heart, but this was too painful I could barely live with it anymore.

I found myself running towards a bridge that ran across the river. The sounds of cars rushing past pierced my ears. I reached the ledge and stood up onto it. My feet were a couple of centimetres from the edge. I took a deep breath and moved a centimetre closer. The sounds of people screaming and shouting at me were just a blur in the back of my head. They didn't understand. They didn't know anything. This was my only way out from the never ending rollercoaster. I was sick of being thrown around.

"Bella!" I heard a familiar voice shout from the distance. I ignored my twin brother's voice and moved even closer to the edge of the bridge. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I needed a new life.

A life without Louis…