I'm really sorry because I can keep up the pace that I wished but I'm afraid I can't do better. I have good reasons. I don't want to rush too much into it since it's such a crucial part of the story. You'll have to trust me when I say that I'm doing the best I can and forgive me for not updating a lot.

Edward

Je t'aimais, je t'aime et je t'aimerai

I was watching TV in the living room secretly hoping Bella would be back early and I could freak Julian out once again with my half nakedness. It was almost too easy to anger him and I was developing an addiction to it. Somewhere deep in me, I knew it wasn't right. It was bound to end badly but damn remembering him that Bella was mine... *Mine?* I frowned at my own choice of words. *I meant that Bella is closer to me.* I felt a weird sensation creeping inside of me. I couldn't quite grasp what it was but it wasn't pleasant. I switched position a couple of times, trying to feel comfortable but the uneasiness seemed to come from within. I heard the door opening so I thanked god for the distraction and glanced over my shoulder to see if Julian was there. I didn't want to tease him anymore. I didn't want to see him at all. All was forgotten when I saw my best friend entering the apartment completely undone. In a second I was by her side, completely freaked. I looked for signs of physical damage but she seemed fine. Two legs, two arms; no horrible scar or blood dripping on the floor.

"Bella what's wrong?" She was a mess. She'd probably been walking in the rain for a while. I brought her into a bone crushing hug. She was all wet and freezing. With her hair all damped and her red eyes, she made me think of the teenage Bella that had woken me up in the middle of the night to confide that her parents were getting divorced. She still hadn't said a word. I pulled back a little to see if her features could tell me something more. She begged me with her beautiful brown eyes to stay calm and be patient. I understood that this story would take a while to come out. Whatever happened, it wasn't good at all. Anger raised in me at the possibility that Julian was responsible for this but even if my intuition was screaming that he was, I couldn't be sure until she talked.

I brought her into her room and forced her into something drier. The feel of her cold skin against my bare chest was making me shiver so I thought about getting a shirt for me but I wasn't strong enough to leave her for a second. I compromised by enveloping us in a large blanket. It took a while before she talked but I didn't pressure her. Bella was always like this in moments of infinite sadness. She couldn't talk right away, she needed to make sense of the events in her mind otherwise she'd just break down. It was driving me crazy anyhow. I needed to know what was wrong to make it better.

At last she started to speak. I listened to her. I tried to be there for her and make sense of her cries. I got that Julian had implied that she was cheating on him with me. My anger rose high. She was so hurt and shocked I wanted to go kill the jerk. I caught glimpses of the detailed story during the first half hour she cried in my arms shamelessly. As the event became clearer and clearer, I realized it wasn't just about Julian. All he'd said to her had brought something bigger on the surface. All the lies people had been saying between themselves for years mirroring in Julian's eyes… It was too much for her to bear alone. So I was there to split the burden. Like I'd away been and would always be. Right by her side. So what if everyone thought we were friends with benefits, fuck buddies, whatever they called it these days. I didn't care. However Bella was more sensitive to these kinds of things. I wish that I could shield her from the world, that I could ensure that she never felt anything but happiness. I was usually pretty good at protecting her but I'd done a poor job in this particular case. As the story went on, I couldn't dismiss the idea that my jackass attitude from last week had maybe brought all of this on her. I still thought Julian was an asshole but the thought that I could be partly responsible for her horrible evening was breaking my heart. I tortured myself for what felt like an eternity with the possibility that a part of her could be blaming me for what'd happened. I just had to know.

"Bells, do you think my behaviour influenced his opinion? Maybe I've been too…" But she put her small hand over my mouth, silencing me. She crawled into my lap; looking deep into my eyes.

"Edward, you didn't do anything wrong. Do you understand me?" I nodded at her imperative tone. It was the longest she'd gone without bursting in tears. She hid her face in my neck and sighed.

"I've got to stop; I'm drowning you in all those tears." She said trying to make a joke.

"It's okay you know, I have sponge genes." I joked quietly.

"You're always exactly what I need you to be." She solemnly stated. I wiped a tear from her cheekbone with a kiss.

"We take care of each other Bells." My heart was pounding in my chest. God I wanted her to be smiling again. I noticed I was shaking. I didn't know what to do and the uneasiness from before was back.

"I need a very hot shower." She interrupted my thoughts and I nodded. Her warmth was soon gone and a shiver coursed my body. She grabbed her favourite towel and made her way to the bathroom. I paced around the kitchen, trying to pinpoint the source of my turmoil and getting frustrated by not finding anything. When I heard a knock on the door, I'd never imagine that I'd find him on the other side. *He has a death wish.* I thought as I stared blankly at Julian standing in the hallway like nothing happened. My hand grabbed the door firmly. He was not getting in.

"What are you doing here?" My voice was quiet but murderous. I was ready to hit him. I'd been aching to hit him for a long time now. On the other hand I didn't want Bella to know he was here.

"I want to talk to her." He asked trying to force the door open.

"Over my dead body." I hissed. I went in the hall closing the door behind me.

"It could be arranged." He suggested cockily. I snickered.

"Don't flatter yourself. The only reason you're still standing is because the sight of your blood on the carpet might upset her."

"Let me talk to her." Okay, he was really not getting it. I could either cause a scene and beat the hell out of him or get rid of him quickly and pray Bella wasn't out of the shower yet. I decided with a sigh that the second option, though less appealing, would be better for her. She hated physical violence. I could always catch him later.

"Now is not the time. If you care at all about her you'll give her the space she needs." I hoped that he felt guilty enough to bend to my very logical order. He cringed but started walking away.

"I may have been an idiot tonight Cullen, but you're no better for her than I am. Hell, you don't even know what you've got" He sneered before disappearing around the corner. I took a moment to calm down and re-entered the apartment. I was relieved to hear the water running. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I considered making her something to eat but quickly dismissed the idea. She was way too emotional to eat. She'd probably want to go to bed. I really needed a minute to gather my thoughts and figure out why my heart ached so much.

She came out of the bathroom looking more beautiful than ever. And so vulnerable it was killing me. We went to bed but she couldn't sleep.

"Love sucks." She breathed.

"Yeah it does beautiful." I kissed her forehead sweetly. She seemed so tiny in my arms tonight. We stared in each other eye's for support and I let my mind drift away.

"Love sucks." A teenage brunette with braces stated to a less bulky but equally handsome boy with copper hair. They were lying next to each other in his bed. She'd been crying but Edward's presence soothed her like no other. She hated her parents. Especially her mother. Abandoning her and her dad like that was horrible.

"Yeah it does." The boy vehemently agreed. She nodded. He had had his share of problems. After all, his mother has run away too and it'd killed his dad. She shivered at the thought that it could happen to Charlie too. The boy sensed her worries and hugged her.

"I never want to fall in love." The girl stated like she was making a vow.

"I don't think that I ever could." The boy replied seriously, taking the hand of the girl in his.

"It's all nonsense anyway. Love hurts. We never hurt each other." She added.

"We're best friends, it's way better." He answered with confidence.

"I wish it could stay that way." Bella sighed.

"It will Bells. Best friends forever." Edward promised staring into her eyes. She believed him. He would always be there and love… well love was overrated.

"Best friends forever." She breathed and just like that, life was better again.

Hush

Its okay

Dry your eyes

Dry your eyes

Soulmate dry your eyes

Dry your eyes

Soulmate dry your eyes

Sleeping with ghosts - Placebo

Okay so there are two choices, I can keep posting as I write the chapters or I can assure you I won't be posting until August and prepare a couple of chapters so when that time comes you'll have more to read. Tell me what you prefer and remember that I am truly sorry.