It had been two weeks since Wade had started to attend therapy, two weeks that he's been trying to avoid Zoe. Two weeks of hell because he thought he was doing the right thing by avoiding her, until he was told otherwise. He knew he was wrong for staying away from her, when all he wanted to do was fix what was broken between them but he didn't know how to do that. With the help of his therapist he was starting to learn just how he was supposed to fix it. He needed to be honest with Zoe and really let her in. That's why he was sitting on her front steps waiting for her to come home, the longer he waited the more nervous he got. Seeing her walking up to him, he felt his hands suddenly grow sweaty.
Zoe froze seeing Wade waiting for her on her steps. He was the last person that she thought would be waiting for her. But part of her was happy that he was no longer avoiding her. The other part of her was scared of what he had to say. Ariel took off towards Braxton as he was motioning her over to him. Zoe walked slowly towards Wade, trying to remind herself how to breathe, she licked her dry lips, giving him a weak, "Hi."
"Hey," he greeted, wiping his hands on his pant legs. Zoe sat down next to him. "I'm sorry," he blurted out. Everything he had planned on telling her went out the window. "It means shit, I know that, but I really mean it Zoe, I'm sorry for everything." Zoe looked up at him ready to fight him on this but she saw the remorse and the sincerity that was in his eyes and all the fight in her quickly drained away.
"You're right this doesn't fix anything but thank you because it's a start," she told him, folding her hands in her lap, looking everywhere but at him. Wade nodded, getting up to pace around, finding ways to turn his thoughts into words.
"With the right help I've come to learn that I can't keep pushing you away. I thought it was the right thing to do, to protect myself before you hurt me, like she had done so many times," Wade sighed coming to a stop in front of her. "I built this wall up around my heart and you were able to break it down in a matter of seconds. I got scared and thought if I could push you away then it wouldn't hurt as much and that we could at least still be friends when things went to hell."
"I'm not Aggie, Wade," Zoe stated, standing in front of him. "You need to see that I'm not her and I'm not going to be her." Zoe placed her hands on his biceps. "I would never hurt you for the fun of it, to break you even more. But you can only push me so far before I walk away and never look back."
"I get that," he sighed, resting his forehead against hers. "I see it but having her voice in my head telling me that I can't be happy with you because I'm not good enough for you. Reminding me that I'm broken," he told her shaking his head, letting a small puff of air out, kicking at the ground. "I'm broken and you deserve someone a hell of a lot better than me," he told her. Zoe let a small giggle out. "This isn't funny, Zoe," he hissed, pulling away from her going back to pacing. She reached out grabbing his wrist.
"I wasn't laughing at you, Wade or even with you," she told him, getting his gaze to land back on her. "I'm laughing because you've gone crazy trying to protect me from what I want. If I want to be with you, that's my choice to make and there isn't anything you can say to make me decide against it." He relaxed hearing those words from Zoe. "But the thing is Wade, you can't keep me out, you need to let me in or this thing won't work between us," she told him.
"I know that, I do and I'm trying to let you in. To voice my concerns," he promised her, leading her back to the steps. He looked down to see that she had slipped her hand into his. "With Aggie I knew it was ending. I was at this age in my life that I was tired of playing head games with my Wife. Things just went horribly wrong before they could truly end. I was coming to terms with a failed marriage."
"Wanna know your problem?" Zoe asked, gently feeling his hand squeeze hers. "Aggie was a manipulative, conniving little bitch that ate you alive. You built this fantasy around her at a young age," she started to explain, holding a hand up when Wade grew pissed at her. "I know that she was an amazing Mother. I have no room to comment on that or on Aggie at all because all I have to go on is these stories that are all over this town," she sighed, wanting him to understand she wasn't bashing Aggie as a mother, just stating the opinion she had formed in her head from what she had been told. "That fantasy you built up crumbled around you and you didn't know how to deal with it or what your next move was. You acted like nothing happened but that got you no where and you tried to find an end. You're still trying now Wade and that counts for a lot," Zoe told him softly.
He nodded wanting to go off on her for what she had said but it was true. He had built this fantasy when it came to Aggie and the second that fantasy burned to the ground, he acted like nothing happened. But that had only made things worse for him and when he tried to find the right way to deal with it all, it was too late and she was dead. "I did love her," he whispered. "I do love you Zoe, but I'm scared that you're going to hurt me or that I'm going to hurt you. I don't want that for either one of us. I screwed up so much already when it comes to us and the kids, I can't do that again," he told her.
"Who says you will, Wade?" Zoe asked, earning a shrug from the man next to her. "The thing about the future, we can make it into anything we want it to be." He nodded, pulling Zoe in for a hug. "You say you don't want pity from people, but you thrive off of it, deny it all you want, but it's the truth."
He was ready to yell at her, but he couldn't. She was right about the pity. "If they give me the pity than they don't have time to question what really went on. They can't hate me for something that wasn't in my control. I should have tried harder, I should have done things different, I should have loved her more, but I couldn't do any of that. Part of me believes that I didn't want to save things with her because I fell out of love with her. Hell I don't even know if I really loved her after we were married. I've come to think that I only married her because she was the Mother of my son," he confessed. "I feel more for you than I ever felt for her."
Zoe wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. "We can't be together, Wade. It's not our time to be together, I do believe that we will be together again one day. But until that day comes, I'm going to be here as your friend, as a shoulder to lean on, as an ear to listen to you and as anything you need me to be, okay?" She asked. He knew that he could count on her. She had already been honest with him. Telling him things that he needed to hear and he wasn't going to find anyone else that was going to be that brutally honest with him. It was a comforting feeling to have.
Wade smiled, snaking his arms around her, hugging her to his body. "Okay," he whispered, placing a soft kiss to her cheek. Having her as a friend was a lot better than not having her in his life at all, he could be her friend. It was the whole romance thing that he needed to work on and with a lot of time, on his side he would be better and past Aggie and the issues she caused him. He'd be free and he'd be able to start fresh with Zoe, as fresh as he could anyway. He'd make it all up to her.
After what felt like hours sitting in the comfort of each other's embrace, Wade untangled himself from Zoe. He turned to face her, rubbing the back of his neck. "Hey, Zoe," he said, gaining her attention from where she was watching the kids play a game of something or another. "Thank you," he told her.
"It's nothing really, it's what friends are for," she replied, giving him a warm smile. She was actually happy that Wade had been willing to talk to her about the things he was feeling. It was progress. "I'm proud of you Wade. You're making such great progress." She bit the inside of her cheek seeing the small blush creep up on his cheeks.
"Do you think maybe we could do something this weekend. I do miss hanging out with you and the kids," he suggested. "As friends of course," he quickly added on.
"I would like that. Ariel has been going on about wanting to go to the beach. Though she's afraid a shark is going to eat her for a snack," Zoe responded, looking over at the kids. "But whatever it is that we ended up doing should be fun," Zoe told him, placing a kiss on his cheek.
Wade gave her a smile and walked off gathering his son in the process. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. It was like he could breathe once more.