Two Weeks Later

Jill tapped her fingers impatiently on the table while her customer was rooting through his pockets for change.

"I don't have all day," she sighed. The man slapped down some bills, glaring at her.

"What, no tip?" she accused.

"Ha!" the man snorted, putting on his coat and storming out. Jill scooped the money and walked back to the till with it. Joey wasn't there that day, so she was trying to train the customers to give her the tips instead. It wasn't working. She couldn't figure out what she was doing wrong.

"Hey," Rachel said, coming in. She was on her lunch break from work. She felt a little unwell, and she was trying not to panic that it meant something was wrong with the baby. She was 13 weeks along now, and she knew she had to tell her parents. She just didn't know when.

"When you worked here, did you feel like the lowest form on the planet?" Jill asked her when she sat down. Rachel stared at her.

"What?" she asked.

"I feel like I should be doing something more than this," Jill complained. "Why can't I come work with you?"

"There aren't any job openings," Rachel answered quickly. Her sister with her at work and at home? So not happening. That much time with her sister would result in a potential homicide charge. Or maybe just an aggravated assault charge. She was daydreaming about it when Jill's voice dragged her back to the present.

"You really need to start watching your diet," Jill commented rudely, gesturing at her.

"Excuse me?" Rachel asked.

"You're getting fat!" Jill exclaimed. "It's unbecoming."

"How do you even know how to use that word?" Rachel demanded. She bit her tongue otherwise. Jill didn't know she was pregnant.

"I'm not stupid, Rachel," Jill snapped, flicking at her hair. "And you are! Are you stressed or something? I know someone you could talk to..."

"It's really none of your business," Rachel said angrily, getting up. She wasn't going to stay here and take this.

"I'm just watching out for you," Jill said innocently. Rachel grabbed her purse and stormed out. Her sister really was a big idiot sometimes.

Joey

"Hey," Joey said to Monica as he entered her apartment.

"Hey," she replied. She had hoped it was Chandler. Ever since their first date, they had spent every evening together since. She was anticipating their physical relationship to become more shortly, and she was feeling nervous. It was Chandler. She knew she had taught him what he needed to know back when he was with Kathy, but what if he had forgotten it all? What if it was awkward and gross? What if she said something stupid?

"I need your help for Phoebe's Valentine's Day gift," Joey said, sitting across from her. Monica stared at him.

"Um, that was two weeks ago," she said. Chandler had taken her to a very romantic restaurant and then a walk around Central Park after. While she appreciated they were taking things slow, she wished he had at least gotten to second base during their make out session.

"I know," Joey said, affronted. He didn't forget everything. Did he?

"So, why are you celebrating it now?" Monica prompted as he frowned to himself, thinking. His attention snapped back.

"I was working, so we postponed celebrating it."

"Oh."

"So, any ideas?"

"Not really," Monica replied, shaking her head. Phoebe had some quirky tastes, and Monica had a hard enough time getting her a birthday present let alone think of something a boyfriend would give her.

"Ah, dang it," Joey muttered, rubbing his neck. He guessed he'd have to resort to his fallback idea.

"I'm sorry," Monica apologized.

"It's all right," he said, getting up. "You have to have money anyway to get something really nice."

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"It's...it's been a little lean lately," Joey answered.

"Can you get more shifts at the coffeehouse?"

"No. Jill is taking them," Joey said, annoyed. "And I don't want to be around her more than I have to be."

"Do you have an audition coming? Maybe you'll get it."

"You're hilarious," Joey said sarcastically. He moved to the door. "I have a better idea, though."

"What's that?"

"I used to get experimented on all the time. It paid well. I'm going to look into doing that again."

Monica stared at him.

"What?!"

"Thanks, Mon!" Joey said, shutting the door behind him. Monica sighed loudly. If Joey was getting experimented on, then that would explain a lot.

Ross-Later

"Sock bunny?" Monica was asking Phoebe, who nodded.

"He'll love it," Phoebe winked. She had plans for that sock bunny. Dirty plans.

"I don't want to know," Monica said, wrinkling her nose upon seeing Phoebe's expression. Ross came into view then.

"Where were you guys?" he asked, noticing their work out clothes.

"We went to self-defense class!" Phoebe exclaimed. Ever since the whole Ursula framing Phoebe as a porn star thing, she had some real creeps following her around. Joey had suggested the class, and she thought it was a good idea. Monica had agreed to go because Rachel didn't think it was safe to do while pregnant.

"Yea, kicking ass all afternoon was very uplifting," Monica added.

"We can kick anyone's ass now!" Phoebe cried.

"I highly doubt that after one class you can kick anyone's ass," Ross snorted.

"Keep talking, and it'll be your ass we kick," Monica warned.

"Yea, go over there and pretend to be a psycho, and you'll see!" Phoebe chimed in.

"Well, of course you could defend yourself if you knew the attack was coming," Ross scoffed. "You need to have unagi in order to successfully protect yourself."

"Why would I arm myself with an eel?" Monica asked, perplexed. "I've never heard of using an eel to slap someone around with, Ross. That's stupid."

"It's not food, it's a concept," Ross snapped, getting annoyed.

"I could go for some eel right now," Phoebe said.

"I know a great Japanese place," Monica replied.

"Fine! Get attacked! Be unaware! Don't blame me when you get hurt," Ross said, going to leave.

"Just tell us," Monica said, exasperated. She contained her laughter, but barely.

"It's a total state of awareness," Ross said, coming back and being all know it all-y on them. "You can only be prepared for all danger when you've achieved unagi."

"Because there's always someone plotting to attack us," Phoebe nodded.

"You never know when there could be a SUPRISE!" Ross shrieked, pushing his face into hers.

Phoebe's fist shot out into his throat, making a bizarre sound escape his lips. He gasped and choked as he bent over.

"Oh my God," Monica said, covering her face with her hands.

"Ross! I'm so sorry," Phoebe said, bending down to him. "Are you okay?" He straightened up and gave them both a dirty look while holding his throat.

"You suck," Ross managed to say before running away. Monica and Phoebe both burst into laughter when he was gone.

"So, Japanese?" Phoebe asked once they stopped.

"Sure," Monica grinned.

Rachel

She looked up from her desk when she heard Jill's voice. What was going on? Why was her sister here?

"I would be perfect for this job," Jill was saying.

"When can you start?" Rachel's boss, Kim, was asking.

"Today!" Jill giggled.

"Um, excuse me," Rachel said, poking her head out of her office. "What's going on here?"

"Kim stopped by the coffeehouse after you left, and I mentioned I was looking for a job, and she said she had one!" Jill squealed, clapping her hands.

"Really," Rachel said, unimpressed.

"Yes, well, you know that Nancy left, and I need another young protégé, so when Jill asked for work, I thought it would be perfect since you two are sisters," Kim said, giving Rachel a smirk that showed she knew what she was doing. Rachel was fuming now.

"She has no experience!"

"You can train her."

"No," Rachel said flat out. "That is not a good idea."

"Well, you might want to reconsider speaking to me that way in your condition," Kim said, narrowing her eyes. "You don't want to lose your job, do you?"

Rachel froze. Jill was staring at her. Kim was still smirking. The question Rachel wanted to know was: how did Kim know she was pregnant?

"Oh, come on," Kim scoffed. "I know a pregnant woman when I see one. Show Jill to her desk, and no arguing." She walked away, leaving Jill to stare at Rachel even harder.

"You're pregnant?" Jill asked, stunned and outraged.

"It's no big deal..."

"It is a huge deal!" Jill shouted. "You didn't tell your own sister you're pregnant?! You're so selfish!"

"How does that make me selfish?!"

"You only think about yourself," Jill snapped.

"Jill! It's my business," Rachel said, grabbing at her face and feeling anxious. Jill didn't know about her miscarriage either.

"Are you going to show me my desk or not?" Jill asked, changing the subject. Rachel wanted to explode about how dare Jill accuse her of being selfish when Jill was even more so. She couldn't even stay focused on her accusation. Instead, Rachel breathed in deeply, closing her eyes.

"Fine," Rachel said. "This way." She walked fast, making Jill hurry after her. Rachel had no idea how she was going to deal with this.

Chandler

He was walking into his apartment when he stopped, staring. A man who looked oddly a little like Joey was coming out of Monica's apartment and holding a piece of cake.

"Excuse me," Chandler said, making the man jump.

"Hey! How are ya doin'?" he asked.

"Damn it, Carl!" Joey shouted, bursting out of Chandler's apartment and making Chandler leap back from fright. "It's how you doin'! It's not that hard!"

"What is going on here?" Chandler asked as his heart rate started to return to normal.

"I need an identical twin for the medical research study," Joey answered logically.

"And finding a random man from the street is the way to do that," Chandler said, letting his sarcasm fly.

"We have some work to do, but I think it's gonna work!" Joey exclaimed. "Come on, Carl."

"But I want to eat this cake," Carl complained.

"PIZZA!" Joey burst out. "We like PIZZA! Get out of here!"

"He does like cake too, Carl," Chandler said to the poor man who was looking very desolate as he trailed after Joey. He shook his head as he went into his apartment. He could hear Phoebe and Monica coming up the stairs then, chattering. He smiled, looking forward to seeing Monica. He moved to greet her at the door when he heard a scream:

"DANGERRRR!"

It was followed by an "Ah!" and a thud to the floor. Chandler hurried to see Monica shaking her hand and Ross on the ground writhing in pain.

"Ah, freshwater eel," she said to Ross, smirking and making a hand gesture at the side of her temple.

"What is with everybody today?" Chandler demanded.

"Ross is trying to scare us and prove we don't have awareness," Monica explained.

"It's unagi!" Ross said from the floor. Chandler could see blood coming from his nose.

"And we just unagied the shit out of you!" Phoebe crowed, high fiving Monica.

"Come on," Monica said, pulling Ross up. "You had to know better than to try to scare me."

"This isn't over!" Ross cried, rushing away.

"I've never loved you more," Chandler said, giving Monica a kiss. It was always nice to see Ross taken down a peg sometimes.

"I have to go meet Joey now for our Valentine's date," Phoebe said. "It's gonna be great!"

"Have fun," Chandler smiled. He followed Monica inside.

"So, about us," he said once they were alone.

"What about us?" she asked, feeling worried.

"I've been thinking about how we want to take things slow," he started. She looked at him. It was now or never, and she wanted it. Now.

"I changed my mind," she said quickly.

"Oh, thank God," he said, grabbing her and lifting her into his arms, kissing her as they walked to her bedroom, and kicking the door shut behind them. To Monica's relief, it wasn't awkward or weird at all.

Joey & Phoebe

"How did your experiment go?" Phoebe asked Joey. They were sitting at her table eating dinner.

"It failed. Carl screwed it up," Joey muttered.

"I'm sorry."

"I just...I really needed the money."

"Joey, we'll be okay," Phoebe reassured him, reaching to take his hand in hers. "I have some savings, and work is busy right now. Don't worry about it, okay?"

"Okay," he said reluctantly. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. She always had a way of making him feel better with minimal effort. It was one of his favorite things about her.

"You ready for your gift?" she asked, waggling her eye brows.

"Hell, yea!"

"Here," Phoebe said, pushing the bag over to him. He pulled out the sock bunny.

"A puppet!" he exclaimed. "Awesome!" He started moving it around.

"It's not just a puppet," Phoebe said slyly. "It's a sex puppet." Joey's eyes widened.

"What does it do?" he asked.

"I'll show you," she winked.

"Oh yea, you will," Joey said coyly, nodding.

"What did you get me?" Phoebe asked, trying to see the bag beside his chair. He reached for it, pulling out an object. Phoebe wriggled in excitement. He handed her tissue paper, and she tore through it.

"Crotchless panties!" she cried. "I lost mine. You know me so well." She grabbed his chin and pulled him in for a kiss.

"That's not all," Joey said, pulling out two tickets. She looked at them and back to him, puzzled.

"You got me two gifts?" she asked, surprised.

"The one compliments the other," Joey answered. She took the tickets.

"A day at a couple's spa? Joey!" Phoebe exclaimed. "That is so sweet!"

She kissed him again then. Sometimes he was smart, smarter than he looked.

"Puppet time?" he asked after, breathless.

"You're damn right," she answered, pulling him to the bedroom, the sock bunny flapping behind them.

Rachel

"She forced her way into that job!" Rachel was crying. She paced the apartment. Ross was sitting on the couch and nursing his wound. After Rachel had established Monica had done it, she stopped fussing over it.

"Monica hit me," Ross said again, still trying to figure out how she had managed to do that.

"Ross, are you listening to me?" Rachel asked, annoyed. "She hit your nose. I'm pretty sure that means your ears still work."

"I realize that you're pregnant and your hormones are amped, but I am wounded over here," Ross said, holding the ice pack to his face.

"Don't even," Rachel glared. Ross decided to change tactics then.

"I'm sorry Jill took your job."

"You're not listening! She didn't take my job. She got a job working with me! That's different!"

"So what are you gonna do about it?" Ross asked. Rachel thought hard.

"Would you think less of me after?" she questioned.

"Why? What are you going to do?" He looked worried now.

"I need to sleep on it," Rachel said, sighing and going to their bedroom. Jill was still out. Ross hated when she stayed out late. He hated that she was living with them. Jill was very annoying.

"Don't do something you'll regret," he warned her receding back.

"Tell that to your face," Rachel called back. She heard him make a guffaw noise and smiled. Rachel would have attacked him too if he had tried to scare her. Served him right.

A Week Later

"You guys," Ross whispered when Rachel went into the bathroom at Monica's apartment. "I think I have a problem."

"What problem?" Chandler asked.

"Did you try to teach her unagi?" Phoebe asked. Joey snickered.

"Someone wrote on my teacher evaluation that I'm the hottie of the Paleontology department," Ross said, ignoring them both.

"Seriously?" Monica asked, snorting.

"Hey," Ross said, holding out his hands. "Don't be mean."

"I'm being honest," Monica corrected. He glared at her.

"So how is this a problem?" Chandler asked, getting back to the point.

"I don't want Rachel to get jealous or mad," Ross said. "She's already having such a hard time with Jill working in the same office as her and thinking that something is going to happen to the baby. I'm actually really worried about her."

"For all you know, it could have been a guy writing that," Monica pointed out.

"It's a girl," Ross snapped. Monica just shrugged.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Joey said. "You don't even know who it is, right?"

"Yea. These evaluations are anonymous."

"Then I wouldn't even bring it up," Joey nodded.

"Okay, you guys," Rachel said, coming out of the bathroom. "I'm going to go to work."

"Is it bad that I'm glad Jill is no longer my problem?" Joey asked Phoebe quietly. She shook her head.

"Rachel doomed us all by taking her in," she replied.

"Good luck, honey," Ross said, rubbing her shoulder. Rachel sighed.

"If I don't lose my sanity, then shoot me," she ordered them.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Monica said. Rachel didn't respond as she left.

"Can I check my messages?" Phoebe asked.

"Sure," Monica nodded. They chatted with each other while Phoebe dialed.

"Oh!" Phoebe said. "Who are you?"

They all looked at her, puzzled.

"That is my apartment. Why are you in there?" Phoebe demanded. Joey grew concerned. "Oh my God. Okay. Okay, thank you." She hung up and looked at the others.

"What happened?" Monica asked.

"There was a fire," Phoebe answered.

"That's two!" Ross exclaimed. They looked at him.

"What are you going on about now?" Chandler asked.

"Things happen in threes," Ross shrugged. "Rachel and I had a fire. Now Phoebe and Joey had a fire. There's gonna be one more."

"Oh, stop it, freak," Monica snapped.

"What are we gonna do?" Phoebe asked. She clutched Joey's hand.

"You can stay here," Monica promised.

"Oh, thank you," Phoebe said.

"We better get over there," Joey urged. They left together, leaving Ross, Chandler and Monica alone together.

"Well, I should go to work too," Chandler said, getting up. Monica resisted hugging him. Ross still didn't know. So far only Phoebe knew. Monica didn't want to keep it a secret forever, but for now she was okay with minimal people knowing.

"Have fun," she said. He gave her a look over Ross's shoulder. She hid her blush. They were practically living in her bedroom the past week. They had almost gotten caught that morning.

"What are we going to do about Rachel?" Ross asked her once Chandler was gone.

"Take her shopping or something," Monica suggested. "Get her mind off of things."

"I worry she's going to have a breakdown," Ross said.

"Just stay on top of it."

"I'm trying."

"I think you should tell Jill to leave," Monica told him.

"I know. How?"

"Easy. You tell her to leave," Monica said, annoyed.

"She's a little scary," Ross admitted.

"Oh, please," Monica scoffed.

"Fine," he growled. "But when she attacks me, it's your fault."

"Good luck," she said cheerfully. At last, she had her apartment to herself again. For now.

Rachel

She knew it was bad, evil almost. She didn't care. She just wanted Jill gone. Jill was trying to take over everything, and Rachel knew it wouldn't be long before Kim went with it. Rachel did not work hard to get here only to have it taken away by her sister.

"Kim?" Rachel said, knocking on her door.

"Yes?" Kim asked, looking at her.

"I need to talk to you."

"Come in," Kim gestured. Rachel did so, closing the door behind her. She sat across from Kim, playing with her fingers. Her Daddy always knew that was a sign she was lying.

"It's about Jill," Rachel started.

"Isn't she wonderful?" Kim gushed.

"Super," Rachel nodded, annoyed. "Um, there's something you should know."

"What's that?"

"She...she's a drug addict," Rachel lied.

"What? Oh no..." Kim said. "Poor thing. She seems so together."

"Yea. She's faking it. She's the queen of faking it, trust me. She's so bad that she skips out on work all the time, and if you don't watch out, she will start stealing from you next for her next fix. She hasn't kept a job for longer than a week," Rachel went on. "Jill is bad news, Kim. Trust me, I'm her sister. She needs to be in rehab. Ralph Lauren is not safe if she's working here."

"Are you sure you should be telling me this?" Kim asked, narrowing her eyes.

"I've been torn up about it for a week," Rachel said smoothly. "I just didn't know how to begin. I figured any place is as good as any, so here I am. You can't keep her here. She will damage the company."

"All right. I'll talk to Zelner. Thank you for letting me know," Kim said, reaching for her phone. Rachel stood and went to the door. She felt guilty, but she also felt relieved.

Jill

She had heard it all. Rachel always did talk louder than normal. Jill couldn't believe her own sister would do that to her. She cried in the bathroom for twenty minutes before calming down. Then, she got an idea. Payback was a bitch, and Rachel was about to get hit hard. She went to an empty desk and picked up the phone, dialing.

"Hi, Daddy," Jill said sweetly, hearing his reply in her ear. "I'm good! I'm working, but I was wondering if I could come home. I just...I miss all of you, and this place hasn't really helped me like I thought it was. I mean, Rachel has been great, but soon she won't be able to let me stay at her place with the baby coming and all. Isn't it just fantastic that you're going to be a grandpa?"

Jill squeezed the phone in her hand as her father's exclamation hit her ears. She smiled. Rachel had no idea what was about to hit her.