Chapter 36: Con Pérdida

There was too much unknown in Antonio's life right now. He still didn't know where he stood with Lovino, or what his mother was up to, or what was happening with Francis. So much unknown made him feel like a terrible friend and boyfriend. It was a relentless seesaw between pouring all his attention onto Lovino and his friends. He was being stretched thin between being a caring lover and a loyal friend. Things had gone bad so quickly. He still remembered when Lovino had told him he loved him. Deeply missed the kisses he could place on his boyfriend's lips and the playful banter they had. He couldn't understand why life had taken this turn yet again corrupting happy memories with harsh realities. He loved Lovino so much but if he was honest with himself these few days were harder than any to keep that love going. It was as if the Lovino he had fallen in love with had been replaced. They hadn't even texted each other.

"Maybe I'm the one who has changed." He sighed.

"What?" Gilbert asked.

Gilbert's voice slightly startled him. He had forgotten that he was talking to Gilbert on the phone.

"It's nothing. I was wondering if I'm the one who has changed in the relationship...I mean there's something off about Lovino, but that just might be me."

"I don't think so."

"What do you mean?"

"You aren't the only one who thinks Lovino has been strange."

Gilbert's tone of voice unsettled him.

"What's going on?"

"Feliciano...he attacked Lovino last night"

Gilbert had to be joking. Feliciano was such a pacifist that he couldn't imagine the Italian hurting a fly. He stuffed his laughter when Gilbert went dead silent.

"That really happened?"

"Yes. I don't know what got into him...It really freaked Ludwig out."

"It was that bad?"

"He was so shaken that he had to stay the night with me. I haven't seen Lovino yet, but Ludwig told me told me he was bleeding a bit."

"WHAT! I'm coming over right now!"

"That's fine. Please don't make a scene. We need to talk to them. Ludwig only knows so much of what really happened and he's taking it out on himself."

The pain in Gilbert's voice was obvious. It was something he hadn't heard in a long time. The usual cheerful demeanor of his friend was gone and that frightened him more than anything. This was serious. He couldn't just laugh it off or run over risking things getting worse.

"I understand."

"I'm going to check on them now."

"I'll see you soon."

"Goodbye."

The call ended and Antonio wasted no time getting ready. As quickly as he could he grabbed his things and moments he was in front of the Beilschmidt household. As if sensing his presence Gilbert opened the door and he rushed in. Gilbert's wildly hair told him that he hadn't slept well. Of course, things were starting to wear down Gilbert, Gilbert constantly took care of everyone without leaving time for himself. There were bags under those eyes which made him feel even more guilty about not being able to help out before things got out of hand.

"Good morning."

"They should be getting ready about now. I still need to finish breakfast."

"You look exhausted. Let me help you."

"I was up most of the night. If it wasn't for your random call I would be running later than I am."

"You need a break." He said placing his hands on Gilbert's shoulders.

Gilbert seemed to have relaxed ever so slightly under his touch.

"If there is anything I can do please let me help."

"I just want everyone to be taken care of."

"They will be. Let me take care of breakfast while you rest a little."

"Let him bruder." Ludwig said emerging from Gilbert's room.

"You're up." Gilbert said turning to face his brother.

"Es tut mir lied."

"We've gone over this. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Watching the two brothers interact made it painfully obvious that they both were carrying the responsibility for what had happened the night the opportunity he busied himself in the kitchen cooking eggs. He had picked up just enough culinary skills from watching Lovino that he could do a simple breakfast. There wasn't much to work with, which made him wonder why Gilbert had never asked him for groceries.

"Another thing I was too stupid to help out with." He berated himself.

He hadn't done much to help anyone in life besides himself. It was a wonder why anyone put up with his uselessness. All this time he hadn't known about Francis's mother being hospitalized, or his abusive father. He didn't even realize how much Gilbert was struggling. Without the blissful ignorance around him, it was increasingly difficult to face his friends. His own problems seemed so minuscule compared to what his friends went through on a daily basis.

"This is not the time to think about those things." He muttered under his breath.

"Antonio?"He heard Feliciano's meek voice ask.

Looking up from the pan he saw Feliciano smiling sadly. Within a few moments, he watched glances exchanged among everyone before Lovino entered the dining area. Aside from the tension in the air everyone seemed to act as if it were a typical morning. Finishing up the food he placed the food at the center of the table.

"Thank you." Gilbert said.

"Anytime." He said taking the seat next to Lovino.

From this close proximity, he could see bandages sticking out from his collar. Lovino's arms held a few bruises that were revealed when the sleeves were pushed back by the motion of Lovino grabbing some food. He didn't know what to say, no one did

"What are you doing here?" Lovino asked, missing his usual snappy tone.

"I wanted to see you.."

Antonio wasn't sure how he should bring up the fight. A deafening silence filled the room.

"Fratello I'm so sorry." Feliciano suddenly burst into tears.

"I think we should discuss this like a family. I would like to know the whole story before I punish you." Gilbert spoke in his motherly tone.

"Punish me?"

"In this household, we do not harm each other."

Gilbert's mother voice held as much if not more authority than any mother he had ever met. He too wanted to know what had caused Lovino to end up so disheveled.

"I don't know what happened. I just got upset... You've been acting strange for a while...I needed to know that you were you."

Feliciano's words echoed his own thoughts. Beside him, Lovino stiffed at the admission.

"Fratello I'm so sorry."

"I deserved it." Lovino mumbled under his breath.

"I don't want anything like this to happen again. Understood?"

"Si."

"I want you two to hug it out. Brothers can fight but never should they lay a hand on each other."

Antonio was amazed at how Gilbert was able to handle this. If it had been him in the same situation would never be able to move past the awkward silence. The embrace between the twins wouldn't be enough to patch things up. Both parties were still hurting and everyone knew it.

"I'm sorry for everything." He overheard Lovino whisper to Feliciano.

"We need to go." Gilbert said glancing at the time.

"What about the punishment?"

"I'll think of something later. We need to get to Elizabeta's."

"Why?"

"Something happened yesterday."

"Does it have something to do with Francis and Roderich's absence yesterday?"

"It does. I Before we go I need to pick up my check from work so give me a minute while I get ready."

Things seemed to be better between the twins now. Whatever was truly going on between the two he was glad that he could be there for Lovino. There was no doubt in his mind that Lovino was holding onto the fault of the fight. Lovino cared for Feliciano so much that he probably didn't even care that he was covered in bruises.

"Come in." Elizabeta said as they made it to the front door. "Looking lovely as ever Gilbert." Elizabeta commented on his drag.

One after the other they filed into the was the rest of the group plus one unexpected person. He couldn't believe it when Francis told everyone about his mother emerging from the comma. Although he was beyond happy for Francis there were so many questions floating around his head.

"It's nice to see you all."Ms. Bonnefoy spoke. "Unfortunately we aren't here to catch up. It's time that we have a serious talk about what's going on."

"What do you mean?" Ludwig asked.

"You look so much like your you were right about the wig Gilbert, a spitting image of your mother."

"You knew our parents?"

"We both did." Ms. Hedervary said entering with a tray of drinks. "We are waiting on one more person to start this discussion. The things we need to tell you all are not easy. As parents, we fear that what we have to say will make you hate us forever."

Antonio was just as confused as the rest of the group, although it seemed that Francis, Roderich, and Gilbert seemed to have some idea of what to expect.

"Who are we waiting for?"

" Ms. Carriedo."

Just the mention of his mother made his stomach flip. Lovino seemed just as nervous of the thought of his mother showing up. Hesitantly he grasped Lovino's hand hoping it would settle the seemed to go on forever making each second feel like an eternity. He couldn't even drink without nausea taking over. Finally, the front door opened and in walked his was evident on her face, which quickly turned into anger when their eyes met.

"I thought I told you all that I didn't want him here."

"He needs to be here." Ms. Hedervary said.

"I.. Annabelle you're still alive?" His mother asked with widened eyes.

"Who?" He asked.

"Our mother." Ludwig said as Gilbert stood up.

For a moment the two just stared at each other. Something must've told his mother that this wasn't Ms. Belishmict as her awe faded.

"Gilbert!"

"The one and only."

"What is with you boys and cross-dressing?"

"Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful." Gilbert said giving a hair flip.

"It really is like looking into the past, isn't it? Come join us, Isabella. We've been waiting for you to start." Ms. Bonnefoy said.

His stomach flipped multiple times as his mother's glance never left was as if she were figuring out how to get him to leave. Things seemed too serious for him to just simply leave, yet the rising anxiety made him feel like he was about to vomit at any time he had never felt this way before and it unnerved him even more that it was his own mother that made him feel this even holding Lovino's hand made him feel did his best to listen to Francis's mother's story. She talked about how she was able to 'wake up' from her long coma. Everyone seemed so engrossed in the story yet he could barely hear anything over the beating of his heart.

"I don't see how we are all involved in this." Ludwig spoke up.

He didn't know how things linked up as well. Ms. Bonnefoy's comma had little to do with them unless...

"Those things we delivered to the hospital were they used on Francis's mother?" He asked staring straight into his mother's eyes.

"They were."

"I helped you supply drugs that did that to her? What good comes out of something like that?"

He felt so dirty. It was as if he had been set up to kill couldn't believe that his mother would let him do such a thing.

"I was the one who administered them." Ms. Hedervary spoke up.

"And I was the one who requested mother had little knowledge about the use of these drugs until now."Ms. Bonnefoy said.

"As that might be, you have every right to distrust me, Antonio. I have done many things I'm not proud of."

"That's why you need to explain your side of the story."

"And where do you suppose I start?"

Antonio couldn't take this. He didn't want to know about whatever else his mother was hiding from she had barely been in his life as he got older, still, he wanted to think of her as a good mother.

"Perhaps you should start with the Beilschmidts."

"I do not feel comfortable discussing that."

"They deserve to know. Isabella."

"And what of the consequences?"

There was a brief moment of silence that felt like the weight of the world was crumbling within it.

"The death of the Beilschmidts were a precursor of what is going on now." Ms. Bonnefoy said.

"Stop this is not right." His mother protested.

"And holding onto lies is right?" He erupted.

"Antonio..." His mother gasped.

"Ms. Carriedo we all know this is hard for you. It is just as difficult to hear this." Gilbert spoke up in a calm tone. " I'm protecting my bruder as much as you are protecting your son, It's hard to let them face harsh realities. Keeping them in the dark doesn't let them grow."

"And how would you know? You are nothing more than a kid yourself. How could you understand the sacrifices a parent goes through?" His mother yelled.

"With all due respect ma'am, I haven't been a child since my parents' death. I have raised my bruder without much help. I have as much right as you do. I have been his mother, father, and sibling so I am aware of the sacrifices it takes. I have done all but give birth to him, but please stand there and tell me how I can't know what you feel as a parent."

The room was stunned by the way Gilbert spoke without raising his voice. The words cutting deeper than any swearing that could've been screamed at the top of the lungs.

"Annabelle...I mean Gilbert..."

"Whatever it is we can handle it." Gilbert said with a reassuring smile. "We deserve to know the truth. I won't let my bruder to suffer from the guilt anymore."

"I want to know what happened." Ludwig spoke with anguish in his voice. "I..I always believed that it was my fault that they died.I was a stupid child ...It was because of me that the fire started. I killed my parents."

"You didn't kill your parents. If you want to blame someone blame me. All the horrible things we've gone through is caused by my insistence of you joining the corporation." His mother said.

"The blame is not solely yours."Ms. Hedervary argued.

"Then tell me this Magdalena who got you all involved. Who created a drug that separated Francis from his mother? Who did nothing about the injustices in the research facility?"

"That is not true you tried to help Sofia escape."

"Some good that did. They still have her and other lives were sacrificed for nothing. I only thought of myself throughout everything. I have done so many horrible things. It doesn't matter what I was thinking at the time." Turning towards him and Lovino she continued with tears beginning to fall. "I ruined your life. I will never repent for my sins.I'm so sorry."

"You had no control over those things. You were forced into them. It was the head of the corporation that sent out the orders to kill the Beilschmidts. You did not kill them."

"They were killed for assisting me in freeing the prime test subject. And two other lives were used to make up the loss..."His mother paused before turning towards Gilbert and Ludwig. "Your parents were long dead before the fire broke out. The fire was their doing as well. I'm sorry it took long for me to figure it out and tell you."

Antonio couldn't take it anymore. He felt like he was drowning in his mother's words. Without a word he grabbed Lovino's hand and fled. Barely aware of his mother calling out to him or the stunned faces in the room he dragged Lovino out. His legs told him to keep going as he exited the house and made his way down the street. There was no telling where he was going, but at the moment it didn't matter as long as it was away from his mother's confessions. No doubt that there was more his mother had to say, yet he didn't have it in him to hear the rest.

"Stop! Let go of me."

Lovino's protests came to him in a muffled tone. His mind was too preoccupied with getting as far away as possible.

"Antonio Stop!"

Everything was falling apart in his world. He needed to make sure that Lovino was still with him. Lovino was the only one he could rely on now. Despite holding his hand Lovino still felt so far away. Holding onto him harder he hoped to bridge the ever growing gap between them. He wouldn't be able to handle all the things his mother had revealed without Lovino besides him.

"LET GO!" He finally heard Lovino sob.

Stopping in his tracks he turned to face his boyfriend. Tears were flowing from Lovino's eyes without any signs of stopping. The sight filled in the pit of guilt that was steadily building up.

"He said let go."

The words came from a tall muscular blond with blue eyes framed by glasses. This man was intimidating for lack of a better word. Antonio could've sworn that they have met before, still, he couldn't place where or when. Under the man's sharp glare he felt himself slowly release Lovino.

"Berwald!" Lovino sobbed, running into the man's arms.

"What's going on?"

The tall man responded with an even stronger glare that told him to shut his mouth or risk getting killed. The tall man seemed to whisper something to Lovino which further confused and upset him. Antonio couldn't fathom how the two knew each other or why they were so affectionate. The tight embrace they held was nothing like the short-lived hugs he experienced with Lovino. The world appeared in slow motion as the taller man looked at Lovino's arm. The bruises he had noticed earlier were now accompanied with a red mark from his tight grip. Without a word, the tall man placed his lips onto the mark. As if a spell had been broken Lovino changed before his very eyes. Tan skin turned into an almost milky white, the auburn hair transformed into a blond, and the milk chocolate eyes changed in color. One minute Lovino had been in the tall man's arms and now it was someone completely different.

"I'm sorry." The man who was no longer Lovino said.

"Forgive us." The tall one added, scooping up the smaller man in his arms.

The smaller man looked as if he were about to pass out. Antonio didn't know what to do as he stood watching the two walk away. He didn't call out to stop them or chased them down for answers. He was left alone wondering what had just happened.

#####

Authors note:

Finally, I wrote the part that was in my head from the very beginning of the sequel. It has been a journey with all of you. I'm sure majority already know what's going to happen so I hope it lives up to the expectations. 4 more chapters and then I may be closing this book for good. Five years and over 60 chapters later we are coming to the end. Thank you, everyone, for the support you've given me.

Translation:

Con Pérdida- at a loss