Warning: there is physical stuff in this chapter between Zuko and Lisana. They don't have sex or anything, I just thought I'd better warn you. Plus I'm pretty sure you'd classify this as lime, not lemon ('lemon' on seems to be code for 'EXTREMELY WEIRD, KINKY AND DISTURBING, GUARANTEED TO GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES' with a lot of fics).

I am serious, fan fiction has totally scarred my brain. Especially some of the Halo lemon fics. Oh God…Cortana can't do that! She's a HOLOGRAM! And…what are those Elites doing in the background…AAAH! *mind melts*

Yeah. I won't go any further than that. Anyways, here is a chapter. Merry early Christmas.

Vivisection

Chapter 36 – Remember, Remember, the Fifth of November

I lay back in the chair, sun streaming over my face and body, and giggled. 'That tickles.'

Zuko was kissing my feet, paying careful attention to my toes. He had gotten to the second-last one on my right foot. He looked up at me, smiling slyly, and licked it. I laughed again. 'Stop that. That's my weird toe.'

'It hooks over the little one,' he observed, holding my foot up to his chin.

'Yes, I have bizarre mutant feet. Don't pick on me.'

Zuko bent his head down again, returning to my foot. I wondered if he'd done this for Mai. It felt ticklish but at the same time warm and electric, like his lips had the same effect on every part of my body.

'Don't you have anything better to do?' I asked.

'Not really.'

'Don't my feet smell?'

'Not really.' At that I kicked his shoulder - not really a kick, more like a clumsy nudge with my left foot. He looked up. 'What was that for?'

'You're supposed to say no, your feet don't smell at all,' I chastened him. 'Not not really.'

'I like your feet,' he said, tracing the tops of my toes with his fingers.

'I didn't know you were into that, my Lord,' I teased him. 'Do you want me to do yours next?' I wrinkled my nose. 'No, on second thoughts, I'll retract that offer.'

'Why's that?' He'd moved on to the left foot now.

'You're male. Your feet will smell. And you probably have hobbit toes.'

'It's funny when you insult me with words I don't understand,' Zuko said, lifting his mouth off the arch of my foot. 'You seem to think I'll get offended.'

'It means your toes probably have little hairs growing out the top of them,' I said, smiling at the look on his face.

'No they don't! I'll prove it!' He started tugging off his boot, looking like he was having considerable trouble with it.

I giggled at that. 'Take it off.'

'So you have a foot fetish,' he said, giving me the crooked smile that had been on his face when he'd 'flirted' with me at the solstice dinner.

'Nope. My ex had ugly feet.' I stretched. 'And I don't really go in for fetishes. You?'

'You don't want to know,' he said, mocking me.

'Well, I already know you have a thing for my feet. I bet it's something weird and kinky. Necrophilia?' Zuko made a face at that. 'Knife play, maybe?'

'Pain doesn't do it for me.' He pointed to his scar.

'Shit, I'm sorry,' I said, feeling awkward and guilty.

'Don't worry about it,' he said, finally sliding the boot off and moving on to the other one. 'I'd prefer you saying things like that to people pointing and staring behind my back.'

His other boot went off, and I smiled. 'Mmm. Nice legs.' I could see to just above his knee. He had long legs like Jimi's, except his had the calf muscles of a runner, and his toes were completely free of little hairs.

'Same to you,' he said, leaning forward and kissing my knee. He moved up a little further, to the inside of my thigh. I remembered that I was wearing a dress and tensed.

'What is it?' He lifted his head up. 'If you want me to stop I will.'

I breathed out slowly. 'No. I - don't want you to stop.'

Zuko's mouth stayed there, just above my knee, but his fingers slid along my thigh. I remembered that I was wearing my red silk underwear today, and felt grateful.

His hand stopped at the top of my leg. 'Is this all right?' he asked.

Before I had a chance to reply we both heard a deep sound – a muffled boom – resound from underneath the palace. I was inclined to ignore it, until the jolt through the floor which came a few seconds later.

'What the hell?' I straightened up.

Zuko's hand moved away from my thigh, dropping to his side as he stood up. 'What is it now?' he groaned.

It was then that it came again. The jolt after the next boom came more quickly, and made Zuko lose balance. He steadied himself.

'Does the Fire Nation usually get earthquakes?' I asked.

His face tensed. 'I know that sound. It's explosives. Run.' He took my hand, pulling me out of the chair. Stumbling, I followed him out through his bedroom door.

'But it sounds like it's coming from under the palace!'

'Probably planted in the drains,' he said.

As Zuko ran and I kept up, we passed a couple of Fire Nation soldiers. Both looked panicked and both were heading in the opposite direction to us.

'Thank Agni, sir!' one of them panted, approaching Zuko. 'We were just coming to warn you! Bombs planted in the drains of the palace, sir!'

'We guessed,' he said.

'Fire Lord – you're not going to like this.' The second soldier spoke up. 'There was a woman spotted in the palace grounds, wearing a Blue Spirit mask.'

At that, Zuko's eyes widened.

'We think it's the same group of Earth Kingdom rebels who sent the assassin,' the soldier continued.

'Then I need to get Fire Lord Zuko out of here now,' I interrupted. 'Before they find out where he is. What's the quickest way out of here?'

The first soldier spoke again. 'I would suggest the drains, but – obviously that's out of the question. Make your way to the palace gates and we'll get our squad to meet you there.'

'Let's go,' Zuko said shortly, taking my hand again and pulling me down the corridor.

'Wait,' I said, trying to dig my feet in. 'Who or what is the Blue Spirit?'

'We don't have time!' he shouted.

'Tell me, or I'm going to sit in the middle of the fucking corridor,' I said, pulling my stubborn face.

'Fine, I'll tell you on the way to the gates!' We moved along the corridor again. 'The Blue Spirit is – was – a hero to the Earth Kingdom. The scourge of the Fire Nation. He robbed soldiers and stuff.'

'So he hates you and everything you stand for,' I finished.

'Look, it's not the real Blue Spirit. So it doesn't matter anyway.' He glanced at me briefly.

'How do you know it's not the real Blue Spirit? Because it's a woman wearing the mask?' I asked.

'No. Well, yes, but that's not the main reason. I – was the Blue Spirit.'

'I'd ask why you attacked and stole from your own people,' I replied, 'but I'm getting the sense that now's not the time.'

'I'll tell the story later when my palace isn't being firebombed,' he said.

Soon we were outside, moving rapidly towards the gates.

'What I don't get is how they knew!' Zuko looked confused and angry at the same time. 'I never told anyone! My uncle knew, and Zhao guessed, but Zhao's dead!'

'You can figure that out when your people take out these assassins or whatever they are,' I replied.

We were at the gates, and the palace grounds were eerily quiet. There wasn't even a breeze – the paper lanterns were motionless. We were standing underneath a tree, which cast a still and oddly chilly shadow. 'I hope it doesn't take long for that squad to get here,' I said, my voice low. 'This is creepy. And we're sitting ducks out here.'

'We don't even know how many of them there are,' Zuko said.

'I don't think you need to worry about that. It's just me.'

It was a girl's voice, about my age I guessed from the sound of it. Both Zuko and I started and looked up into the tree.

A demonic-looking blue mask stared down at us from the dappled shadow of leaves. The eyeholes, although wide, showed no gleam of iris or pupil or skin beneath. They were completely dark, and that disturbed me. Were we being attacked by something with no face, that wore a mask to conceal the blackness? I told myself to stop being silly. The eyeholes were probably covered with thin black material, like the Guy Fawkes mask in V for Vendetta.

I really, really hoped that the similarity to V ended there.

The woman leapt down from the tree. She was wearing a close-fitting dark shirt and pants. Even her hands were gloved, as if to completely conceal skin or anything else that might suggest humanity.

'Come now, Zuko. Surely you know who I am?' She spread her hands. 'My voice can't have changed that much in two years. Or maybe I should call you Zuzu. Would that ring any bells?'

I heard Zuko's sharp intake of breath just before the woman raised her gloved hands to her head and lifted off her mask.

I guessed who she was even before Zuko's whisper of 'Azula.' She looked very like her brother, as if someone had crafted a female version of Zuko without the scar. She had the same gold eyes, the same dark hair and pale skin. She was beautiful, too, beautiful just like him, but her beauty seemed snakelike, somehow.

She looked at me. 'So this is the demon that guards Zuko's life in exchange for his soul.'

My tongue froze. I had no witty remarks at the ready.

Azula continued. 'I've been watching the two of you. I've seen him spar you, you know. You're not bad.'

I glared at her.

'Don't be so dramatic,' she laughed. 'Just take the compliment. It's rare that I give them away. Isn't that right, Zuko?'

'Is Father here too?' he asked.

'Of course not. He has no bending, remember? But rest assured, he hasn't forgotten his firstborn son.' Azula smiled, eyes narrowing. 'It's not fun, being locked away for two years. Banished, almost. I would have expected you of all people to understand that, brother.'

She flicked her eyes to me. 'I can see you want to fight me. You love him, don't you? Mai would be turning in her grave if she could see it. Not that I care, since she betrayed me too.'

'What's it to you?' I said. 'Why do you care?'

'Leave her out of this, Azula,' Zuko interrupted.

Azula ignored him and moved towards me. 'Zuzu here has been very nice to you in your little sparring sessions,' she said. 'You're only a match for him because he won't use firebending against you. But me?' She raised one hand, two fingers pointing forwards. 'I'm not as nice.'

I didn't hear the sound of lightning. How could I, when it hadn't hit the ground? I smelt burning ozone, tasted as well as saw searing white light, and by some miracle it didn't hit me.

Zuko had flung his arm out, and lightning played around his fist like an outline of his hand in pale fire. 'You forgot that I can redirect it,' he said, voice tight, and then the lightning burned through the air again.

Azula dodged it, bright fire streaming from her fingertips. Unlike Zuko's fire, hers was blue, and I stared at it, hypnotized. Zuko had the presence of mind to shove me out of the way, catching it with his own firebending. Blue and red combined, light searing into my retinae, and Azula stumbled backwards.

'You've been practising,' she said, adjusting her stance.

'You haven't,' he shot back, and his hands made loops of fire, casting them in her direction. He pushed her back again, and I saw rage tighten her features.

'Fire Lord!' It was the squad as promised, led by a soldier with a skull-like white mask on under his helmet. The others tossed spears, and the masked soldier let loose a gout of flame. Azula glanced towards them, and shot a blast of blue fire into the ground.

It pushed her into the air, and she landed on the wall, standing up straight. 'This has been fun, Zuzu.' She glared at him. 'Let's do it again some time. Just you, me and your girlfriend.'

Then she dropped off the wall, onto the other side.

'Open the gates! Follow her!' shouted the masked firebender.

'It's no good.' Zuko looked tired. 'They'll never get her in time.'

I stepped closer and hugged him. 'Thank you for keeping me from getting my internal organs fried.'

The Fire Nation soldiers were looking at us, expressions of curiosity and, for some, dawning understanding on their faces.

'It'll be all over the Fire Nation that we're together now,' Zuko said, sounding a little less depressed.

'I suppose they had to find out sometime,' I said, and kissed him. 'I'm completely useless as a bodyguard against her, aren't I? Except maybe as a meat-shield.'

'I can handle Azula on my own,' he said, kissing me back. 'I'm just glad she didn't manage to hurt you.'

Iroh was running towards us, looking panicked. As soon as he reached us we were both crushed in a hug. 'Are either of you hurt?'

'No, Uncle, we're fine,' Zuko said, sounding amused now.

'Tell your uncle he's squishing me,' I gasped.

Iroh let go. 'The lower levels of the palace have been damaged,' he said. 'The servants' quarters and the bathing area.'

'How long will that take to fix?' I grimaced. That sounded like a lot of structural engineering.

'Months, probably,' Iroh said.

'The servants can sleep in the guest quarters until we get it fixed,' Zuko said. 'They have to sleep somewhere, and no one uses those rooms.'

Iroh took Zuko by the hand. 'Let's go back to the palace, now that we know no one has been hurt.'

We walked back. 'Is she likely to roam through the city terrorizing innocents now?' I asked.

'No, Azula won't want to draw attention to herself.' Iroh sighed. 'We'll have to have the drains blocked off so no one else can get in that way.'

'Azula's just cost the Fire Nation shitloads of money, then,' I said.

'Money that I'm supposed to be in charge of,' Zuko muttered. 'I bet she's happy with herself right now.'

Iroh let go of Zuko. 'I will go and attend to the servants,' he said. 'Someone needs to see if any of them are injured.'

'Damn,' I said, as soon as he was gone. 'The bathrooms are destroyed. How am I going to wash?'

'You can use mine.' Zuko smiled crookedly at me. 'I'll try not to walk in on you.'

'Better not.' I looked up at him. 'Or my birthday punches will consist of me punching you, not the other way around.'

'It's your birthday?' He looked ashamed, and a little guilty. 'You never told me.'

'It's okay,' I said, reaching up and patting him on the head. 'You have just over a week to freak out and get me something at the last minute.'

'When is it?' he asked me.

'In nine days.'

'What do you want me to get you?' He put his palm to his forehead. 'Sorry. I'm horrible at getting presents for girls. I did the same thing to Mai, and we were married.'

'I'll tell you when we get up to your room,' I said, blushing slightly. He noticed, and his eyebrow raised, but he didn't say anything.

As soon as we were up there he shut the door behind him and folded his arms. 'Do tell.'

'I was actually thinking about giving you something on my birthday,' I said, my face reddening and making like a traffic light.

He looked puzzled. 'What?'

I sighed. 'Well,' I said, walking up to him and slipping my arms around his waist, 'I'm not sure if you'd want it. I'm pretty sure it's still intact, even though I almost gave it to somebody else a couple of years ago. I've had it with me all my life, don't want it any more, I actually really hope you want it because I'd really like you to have it.'

He looked clueless for a few more seconds, and then it clicked. He kissed me hard on the mouth, then pulled away.

'You just made me very, very happy,' he said.

I laughed and hugged him tightly. 'Not here, though. I don't want Azula bombing your palace in the middle of my birthday night.'

'What about –' he blushed, which was cute, 'you possibly getting pregnant?'

I waved my hand. 'I'll figure it out. There are concubines here, they must do it somehow.'

Zuko lifted me up and swung me in a circle, putting me back on the ground again. 'Just tell me if there's anything you want me to do for you. Anything at all, and I'll do it.'

'Will you wear a dress and be a pretty little girl?' I joked.

'Whatever turns you on.' He smiled, and I could see him drifting off into fantasy land.

I waved a hand in front of his face. 'Hello, Fire Lord Zuko? This is Houston. Anyone at home in there?'

He kissed me again, and lay down on his bed, still with the completely-out-of-it look on his face.

I sighed. 'I get it. I'm going to go and eat something, then. Since your brain is going to be switched off for the rest of the day.'

Zuko didn't even say anything, just stared at the ceiling with an empty expression of happiness on his face. I smiled to myself and left the room.