I'm Fine, Easier Way & Father/Son Moment
Hotel Makhachkala – Luxury Suite – Main Room
Ripsaw entered the main room with a smile and was whistling.
Sam looked up and asked "So did Blaze get what we needed?"
Ripsaw nodded and responded "Yep. I see that Matt kept Patch from overdosing you with truth serum."
"Yep" Matt said with humor. Then added "So will the others be joining us soon? Have our plans for tonight changed?"
Matt hoped, please god let them have changed. Let us find another way so Sam is not put in a position to even have to pretend to like little girls. Sam needs a break and we need to get those girls out safely.
"Blaze and the others will be along in a few minutes. Patch, Blaze needs you in the other room to put the guys on ice for a bit so they cannot cause trouble" Ripsaw stated.
Grabbing his pack Patch said "Good thing I carry sedatives." Then he headed out the door quickly.
Mason ruffled Blondie's long hair and said "Hopefully you can cut that mop off soon. You're looking too pretty."
"Afraid I'm gonna take your modeling contracts away?" Sam joked.
"Nah, just don't want the rest of the units thinking you are a girl" Mason teased back.
Matt snorted and listened as the teasing barbs were bantered back and forth between Sam and Mason. Matt loved to watch Sam and Mason joke around with one another. If Blaze was Sam's dad then Mason was truly Sam's protective big brother.
Ever since the Humvee accident, Mason had taken every opportunity to tease Sam but also to ensure that he was safe too. It was nice to see that. Matt thought that if anything ever happened to him, that Mason might just be the one to step into his shoes and be the confidant Sam needed. Mason was a gentle giant when it came to caring for Sam. But you better watch out if you were of a mind to hurt Sam because then Mason would be your worst enemy. Those fists were so large Matt thought they could probably knock down a house.
Matt was brought out of his musing and Sam and Mason stopped their banter as the door opened and the rest of the guys and Anastasia entered.
Blaze had a grin on his face as he strode to the chair and dropped several sheets of paper on the table.
Sam leaned forward and looked at the hand-drawn maps and asked "Is this the inside of the Cherry Club?"
"Yep" Blaze stated and then sat down as the rest of the group gathered around.
Blaze looked at Blondie and said "Markov and Krymov were quite vocal when we told them that we would hand them over to Dom. Apparently, Dom has quite a reputation as someone that is quite effective in making people disappear."
Matt scooted forward and pulled one of the sheets to him "So do we know exactly where the girls are?"
"Not quite but there are two potential places. One is in a concealed room in the basement. It is only accessible via a door hidden in Panin's office. Markov was only aware of it because that's where he took the girls when he brought them to Panin" Blaze explained.
Winds pointed to the map and said "The second potential location is here on the fifth floor. It is where he holds his auctions. According to the brothers he takes his captives there to clean them up just before the auction."
Sam looked at both locations and said "The fifth floor would be easier to get too. How do I get into his office and into the secret door without raising suspicions?"
Anastasia said "That is where I come in. I will distract him while you go in and check it out."
Mason shook his head "I don't think that will work. Mike said he was too paranoid. Both locations are going to be hard to get into. Did they have any details on guards inside?"
Blaze nodded "Several heavily armed guards on every floor, the roof, at all entrances and in the elevators. He also maintains three guards in an outer office and one guard is always with Panin wherever he goes including his office. From what we got, that puts the number of armed men in that building at close to forty."
Matt blew out a breath "Not so good odds when our five are going in unarmed."
Blaze responded "If we can do this right they will not be unarmed for long. Now Markov said that it is likely that only one of Maks' guards will be allowed beyond the reception area. He also indicated that the kitchen is the least guarded area. So here is the plan."
As Blaze outlined his plan Winds contacted Dom and explained what they needed from him. The guys and Anastasia spent the next several hours discussing tactics.
Sam leaned back when they were done and took several deep breaths. Could he do what was needed? The plan was better but it still hinged on him getting an invitation to the auction which meant he was still going to have to perform for Panin.
His eyes flicked to the pictures of Anna-Marie and Nicolette and he made the decision that he would sacrifice his own soul for those girls. Better to save an innocent who had value rather than his sorry ass. He was only half a man now. What did it really matter if he died inside. He was tired of faking it. The dream and the shower were both never far from his mind.
Sam was having a very tough time getting his head on straight. He damn well better do it or he could get one of his unit or the girls killed. He was so afraid of failing again. The closer it came to going into Panin's place the more muddled his thinking got and the wilder his emotions were swinging.
Anastasia offered Sam a plate of food she fixed for him.
Sam waved it away "I'm not hungry."
Then Sam stood and strode to the window and stared out at the city lights. They still had several hours before they needed to suit up and go. He needed a moment alone to try and get his head on straight. So he turned to Blaze and said "I'm going to the roof for a bit."
Blaze saw something in Blondie's demeanor and nodded but said "Matt go with him."
Sam shook his head "I'm fine alone. Need to get my head in the right space."
"I'm sure you are fine but going alone is not gonna happen because we are out of country. Matt goes with you or I do" Blaze stated firmly.
Irritation grew and Sam lashed out angrily "I'm not some kid. I can take care of myself on a roof top for a few god dammed minutes. I don't need to be coddled."
All the guys stared at Blondie. His outburst clearly told them all he was definitely FINE at the moment.
"That settles it. I'm going with you. Let's go Blondie. We need to talk" Blaze stated in his command voice. When Blondie did not move Blaze added "That would be a direct order soldier."
Sam glared at Blaze but swiftly complied and strode to the door. He yanked it open and headed for the stairs not bothering to see if Blaze was following.
Dammit he just wanted to be alone for a bit to come to terms with what he had to do. To say goodbye to his soul that would be obliterated by what was coming. But apparently he was not even going to be allowed that. Sam was seething with anger as he took the stairs two at a time.
Blaze followed Blondie out and up to the roof.
Patch blew out a breath and then said "Blondie was pissed."
Mason slumped into a chair "Do you blame him? This mission is asking too much of him. It is not right."
Matt paced "No it is not right. Blaze should have let him go alone, at least for a few minutes."
Shaking his head, Winds said "He couldn't do that. You know that Matt. Too much is riding on Blondie. Without him, this mission will fail."
Mike tried to stay out of it but couldn't help stating "Sam's gonna need some help after this if he has to actually do what needs to be done."
Anastasia spoke softly "I think Blaze will help him. I can see that you all care for Sam. But I think he needs what Blaze can offer him right now."
Ripsaw asked "What's that?"
She popped a grape in her mouth and chewed a bit thinking whether she should share her thoughts. Deciding that the rest of the guys should know what she saw because it would help Sam, she answered "The love, acceptance and guidance of a father. Blaze will help Sam see that what he might have to do is not a reflection of the man he is. This is beyond Sam's ability to control. It is the cards he was dealt and he has to see that there is goodness that will come from his actions."
The guys were silent for a long time digesting Anastasia's words. The dinner that Anastasia ordered for them all went mostly untouched as each of them prepared mentally for what was to come.
Panin Savelievich's Bordello – Fifth Floor
Anna-Marie hung onto Nicolette very scared as they were taken to a different room. Annie was glad to be out of the cold room. The room they were taken to was much different. It had a big bed and a bathroom. They were locked in the room.
Annie asked in a quaking voice "Nikki pourquoi ils nous ont amenés ici?"
(Nikki why did they bring us here?)
Nicolette held her little sister close as they stood in the middle of the large room and said "Je ne connais pas Annie mais c'est mieux que là où nous étions. Au moins, il fait chaud ici."
(I do not know Annie but it is better than where we were. At least it is warm here.)
The door opened and a woman came in. Anna-Marie clung tighter to Nikki. The girls noticed that the woman wore a lot of makeup and not much in the way of clothes. But she smiled at them.
Nadya entered the room and saw Panin's newest girls. The youngest one looked to be about the same age she had been when she arrived here. Nadya had long ago given up hope of getting away and accepted this was her life. Over the past ten years she had done what was expected of her and survived. But she still remembered how frightened she was when she first arrived here. The little girl would eventually stop being so scared and accept it too or die.
She said "Je suis Nadya. Je suis ici pour vous aider à vous faire nettoyer. Fais ce qu'on te dit et tu ne mourras pas."
(I am Nadya. I am here to help you get cleaned up. Do as you are told and you will not die.)
Nicolette and Anna-Marie were then led into the bathroom and told to strip and get in the tub. Both girls were happy to get a warm bath. Nadya watched over them as they bathed and washed their hair. Once they were done they were given robes to put on.
Nadya then had them brush their teeth and then sit on the stools in the large bathroom. She brushed and dried their hair and then braided it into pigtails putting large bows at the ends. Then she ordered them into the bedroom and into the chairs near a small table.
She opened a large closet and selected clothing that would fit them.
Sitting in one of the chairs Nicolette asked "Pourquoi sommes nous ici? Nous voulons rentrer chez nous."
(Why are we here? We want to go home.)
The woman did not answer her. Instead the woman exited the closet and handed them matching pink baby doll style dresses that matched the pink bows in their hair. The dresses had white collars and a big white bow in the back.
Nadya simply said "Habillez-vous rapidement."
(Get dressed quickly.)
Both the girls stood and started to put the simple dresses on. As she pulled the dress over her head Anna-Marie asked, "Et les sous-vêtements?"
(What about underwear?)
Nadya stated flatly "Vous n'aurez pas besoin de sous-vêtements."
(You will not need underwear.)
"Pourquoi?" Nicolette asked.
(Why?)
The woman just shook her head as the door opened.
Panin walked in. He looked over his merchandise with a critical eye and thought that they cleaned up nicely. He would get top dollar for them.
Annie clutched Nikki's hand. Nikki pushed Annie behind her as the smarmy man stared at them. He frightened her but she had to put herself in front of Annie. Her voice quivered with fear as she said "Nous voulons rentrer chez nous."
(We want to go home.)
Panin laughed and said "Bientôt vous allez à votre nouvelle maison."
(Soon you will go to your new home.)
The door opened again and another woman who was like Nadya, heavily made up but wearing essentially see-through clothes, entered with a tray of food. She placed it on the table and left.
At the snap of Panin's fingers, Nadya looked at the girls one last time and left the room too. She headed down to the reception area where she would make her body available for use by any of the buyers that showed up tonight. She sighed sadly knowing what fate awaited those little girls, same as hers. They would learn to accept it at some point.
Panin said "Asseyez-vous et mangez."
(Sit and eat.)
Both girls were starving and the food looked very tempting but they stood together for several minutes. Hunger finally won out over wariness and then moved to the table sat down and started to eat. Nikki poured Annie some of the lemonade and some for herself too. They were so thirsty. The girls ate and drank until they were sated all the while watched by the scary, oily man.
Panin watched them eat and drink. This was an easier way. He always starved his merchandise until just before the auction. That way they would eat readily. It was much easier to drug his merchandise this way instead of with needles.
Annie sat back in the chair and said "Nikki, je me sens bizarre."
(Nikki I feel weird.)
Nikki's eyes felt heavy and she felt dizzy too she wanted to respond to her sister but words would not form. She leaned back in the chair as her head lolled to one side and her eyes closed.
Panin called out to his guards who came in and picked up the girls. The guards carried the girls to another room.
The room was circular with a bed in the middle of it. The bed was on a rotating platform. The room was enclosed with one-way mirrors. Around the room were twelve separate rooms from which buyers could view the merchandise in privacy.
Each buyer would be escorted into the rooms privately so no buyer knew the identity of the other buyers. Each room had a bidding button that they could enter their bids for the displayed merchandise.
Panin walked to the bed and then adjusted the pigtails and dresses. He hiked the dresses up ever so slightly to give his buyers a discrete look at what the merchandise had to offer.
He stepped back and surveyed his work. He smiled. They would be his first offerings tonight. Everything was set. The auction would begin at one am.
Panin hoped that Maks actually showed up tonight. It could mean a bidding war. He had just had a call from one of his favorite buyers and he was looking for just this type of merchandise. Perhaps if he could arrange for a few more buyers to be present tonight he could drive up the price more.
He turned to his guard and said "Держите часы на них. Они ели достаточно того, что они должны спать через него и следа в их новом доме. Но если они просыпаются вы можете использовать иглу, чтобы успокоить их снова."
(Keep watch on them. They ate enough that they should sleep through it and wake in their new home. But if they wake you can use the needle to sedate them again.)
Hotel Makhachkala – Rooftop
Sam strode to the edge of the roof. His emotions were running wild and his thinking was clouded and confused. The dream he had yesterday came to mind. The fear and feelings of being hunted must have been brought up by all of this.
Try as he might, and he certainly did try, Sam could not dispel the memories of the multiple times he was raped by the bastards that held him captive. He would never speak of it to a single soul. But it ate at him.
The feelings that he was less of a man plagued him now. He should have been able to stop it before it happened. He wasn't a child like kids that Panin sold into slavery. Sam could understand a child not being able to stop what happened to them.
But he was an adult. A Special Forces trained soldier. He should have been able to stop what happened to him.
Sam growled and raked his hands through his hair. Now he was going to have to become what his torturers were, a rapist. Worse than that, he would have to perpetrate it on an innocent child. Even if he simulated the act the child would be harmed.
Blaze watched Blondie at the edge of the roof. He was giving him space for the moment. He heard the low growls of frustration. This was too much for the kid and if it was in his power he would cancel the mission. But two girls were in danger and there was no way he could do that.
He was pissed off that the General sent Blondie into this type of mission. The man would win the worst father of the millennium as far as Blaze was concerned. The General was a cold hearted bastard towards his son.
Sam looked over the roof and briefly thought that he could end all the pain right now. All he had to do was jump. Sam turned away from the edge and sunk down with his back against the wall and pulled his knees in close. He dropped his head to his knees and fought to stop the tears that were burning at the back of his eyes.
Blaze moved forward slowly and sat down next to Blondie. His voice was a mix of firmness and compassion when he said "Talk to me Blondie."
Sam sat there for a long time as thoughts and feelings raced in his head. He was expendable. He was not a man. Not anymore. His manhood had been taken from him. If anyone ever knew what happened to him they would think less of him. They would see him as worthless and weak.
"Blondie" Blaze said after waiting a long time. He laid a hand on Blondie's shoulder and felt him flinch away from the touch. But he did not remove his hand instead he moved it to the base of Blondie's neck and squeezed lightly.
His voice soft like when he spoke to Daphy when she needed consoling Blaze said "Talk to me son. Tell me what is going on and let me see if I can help."
Sam heard the word son. It ripped at his heart. He wanted for so long for his father, the General, to talk to him in that manner. But that would never happen. The General hated him because he did not save Sara.
Blaze encouraged again "You know you can trust me don't you? I'm here for you no matter what."
Sam's voice was quiet "There is nothing you can do. I have my orders and I will do my duty."
"Blondie, look at me please" Blaze said. He had heard the quiet desolation in Blondie's voice.
Sam turned his head but kept it on his knees.
Blaze's heart broke again at the utter despair and lost look in the kid's eyes. He locked eyes and said "Trust me Blondie. Talk to me."
Sam heard what Blaze said and wanted too but trust was hard for Sam. The only one he truly trusted was Matt. Sure the guys were there for him. But his trust had been broken several times and he always got hurt. Sam thought about everything Blaze had done for him over the nearly two years he had been with the unit. Blaze was always in his corner. Blaze always looked out for him.
Something in Sam needed what Blaze was offering right now. His voice was low and scared as he let his guard down completely "If I have to do this, there will be nothing left of me Blaze. Not that there is much left of me anyways. Not after what those bastards did to me. I should have fought harder and escaped. It's not like I was a child like Dom's girls. If I were a man then I wouldn't have let them do that to me."
Blaze asked "You think you are not a man?"
Sam nodded "No I'm not. I'm trained. I should have been able to get away." His voice broke "They wouldn't have …" but he could not bring himself to say it. He could never say it. Blaze would think less of him than he already did.
Ah shit, Blaze thought. He read between the lines. Blondie did not come out and say it. He didn't have too. Blaze recalled what Blondie had said when he began talking to them and told them that he had been threatened with rape but didn't know if it occurred.
It was clear to Blaze that Blondie did know and that it did happen. Ah shit! This kid had been through too much, too god damned much. And now he was being put in an impossible situation. God dammit he wanted to wring the General's neck right about now. But that would not help Blondie.
Sam turned his head back to his knees unable to keep looking at Blaze's eyes. Dammit Blaze knew. He had said too much. But once Sam decided to let Blaze in and trust him, Sam could not stop the next words "Even if I simulate the act with a kid, I will be no less a rapist and pedophile."
Blaze reached down and gripped Blondie's chin and turned his head to him. Blondie cast his eyes down but Blaze said "You need to understand something Blondie. You are a man. A strong and capable man. That is how I see you. That is how every man in this unit sees you. That will never change."
Sam's eyes flicked up to Blaze's and they burned with shame as his voice shook softly with misery "How could you? I cry. I shake. I scream out with nightmares. I didn't stop them. I'm not a man anymore. I was stripped of my manhood. Hell, I can't even take a simple fucking shower without panicking."
"Tell me about the shower Blondie?" Blaze asked as he let everything Blondie was saying roll around in his head as he searched for a way to help. He moved his hand back to the base of Blondie's shoulder and just held on.
Sam took a deep shaky breath as he sat up a bit and raked his hands through his hair. Then he said "Water … water in my face. It sends my mind back there. I dropped the damned soap and when I bent over the water hit me in the face. I panicked. I started to shake and whimper. As I tried to get out of the water stream, I slipped on the soap and knocked myself out. Talk about worthless and useless. Water in my face reduces me to a crying, terrified little baby."
"Blondie what you went through was beyond imaginable. The fact that you survived shows the world that you are a man. A strong and capable man" Blaze stated not being specific but speaking from the heart hoping that Blondie would understand and accept what he was saying.
Then Blaze reached out and gripped both of Blondie's shoulders. He turned Blondie slightly so they were face to face. Blaze leaned in closer as he pulled Blondie closer to him too so their eyes were less than three inches from each other.
Blaze's voice was full of conviction as he looked directly in Blondie's eyes and continued "Not many men could have done what you did to survive. That is not weakness. That is strength. You fought with everything you had to survive and you did."
Speaking bluntly, Blaze stated "I want you to get something straight in your head. No one can take your manhood from you. Real men cry. Real men shake with fear. Real men have nightmares. None of that makes you less of a man; it just makes you a human. I would be more worried about you if you did not cry and shake after what you endured at the hands of those animals."
"And nightmares. Christ almighty Blondie, just hearing about what happened to you gave me nightmares and I didn't even go through what you did" Blaze stated truthfully.
He then drove home hard facts for Blondie "That stronghold we got you out of. You think that with all your training, being unarmed, chained to a wall and beaten to a pulp that you really could have escaped from over eighty armed men. Because if you do, let me tell you something, that is damned impossible odds Blondie. Eighty to one Blondie, do you hear that? Eighty to one."
"When we went in to get you, hell it took all six of us. None of us could have done it alone. It was a damned miracle that we even made it out alive as it was. All six of us were needed to make it out of there alive. And Blondie we were armed to the teeth, not half starved to death, in good physical health and unchained. Do you hear what I am saying kid? You stayed alive. You did what you had too to survive in a horrific situation. You chose to survive when a lesser man would have given up, curled up and died."
Blaze sighed deeply and said "Blondie I'm so sorry I left you there for so long. It eats me up inside. I'm sorry that you were subjected to everything you endured. I'm not sure there is another man I know that could have held on as long as you did. Nor fight as hard to recover. You amaze me young man."
His eyes tried to communicate his pride "You make me proud. Not just as your CO but as your friend and something more. The General is an ass for not recognizing what a good man you are. Any man would be proud to have you as a son. Hell, if you were my son … well … let's just say that you would be everything I could wish for in a son."
Blaze's face softened at the look of wonder that entered Blondie's eyes. He saw Blondie's eyes fill with tears. Blaze pulled Blondie close and held him.
As Blondie cried, Blaze quietly said "Blondie you are a man based on the choices you make. Not based on what is done to you. Please remember that. We all have vulnerabilities and we all can be put in situations where we have no power over the things that are done to us by others. Things we wish would not happen. Things we want to fight against but can't."
"But son, that does not change who you are inside. You are a real man. All of us in this unit know that and do not think any less of you because you cry or shake or have nightmares. We all see the man you are. Your strength of character, honor and choices you make every day show us that clearly."
Blaze pushed Blondie a little away from him so he could see his eyes. "You are and have always been an honorable man. I want you to lay that burden down son."
Then his voice got firmer as Blaze stated "You get it through your thick head that you are a good man. What you may be called upon to do will not change that. I trust you to do this mission to the best of your ability. You can trust that every single man of this unit will have your back and help you in any way you might need once we are done here no matter the outcome."
Pointing to Blondie's heart and then to his head Blaze finished "Son, I know who you are in here and in here. You are a man. A good, kind and just man that is willing to make personal sacrifices to help others. I will always be in your corner. You can trust me to always have your six. I would not do that if I did not think you were worth it. And Blondie, you are so worth it."
Sam wiped his red-rimmed eyes. Blaze was saying everything he wished the General would say. Sam drew a deep unsteady breath in. He didn't know what to say. Blaze had said many things he needed to think on. Was he really a man still? He'd like to think so.
Blaze stood up and reached out a hand "Let's get back inside Blondie. You need to eat something. Tonight is going to take all your strength." Then he grinned and added "I'm sure you don't want Patch harping on you to eat."
Taking Blaze's offered hand, Sam stood up. He said "I just need a moment to regroup."
Blaze nodded and said "I'll just be over by the door. I've got your six kid."
A small smile appeared on Sam's face and he gave a quick nod and turned to look out at the lights. As he heard Blaze's footsteps recede, Sam thought that was what it must feel like to have a father that cared about him. He extended his trust to Blaze and had not been disappointed.
Blaze saw him as a worthy man. He trusted him to do this terrible mission. Blaze believed in him. It soothed and calmed his mind knowing this. Sam resolved right here and now that he would do his best to get through this mission and not only save those girls but his soul as well.
He just needed to keep his head in the game and find an opportunity to change things up once he was in the bordello. His head was clearer and his mind began thinking strategically and tactically. As he stared at the city lights an idea began to form in his mind. Sam slapped the top of the wall with both hands as the thought solidified.
Sam turned and strode toward Blaze as he said "I have an idea. It is pretty risky but it is a risk I would rather take."
.
AN: Hope I did the first true father/son talk between Blaze and Sam justice. Action starts with the next chapter as the guys go to the bordello.