Bella's POV

I've been home from the hospital for two weeks now and still I'm feeling some of the side effects from the accident. Jacob said that Dr. Cullen told him about nightmares or problems sleeping, Well I don't have any trouble falling asleep. The problem lies with what I dream of once I close my eyes. You'd think I would be having nightmares about things involved with the accident. But it's different these are like the nightmares I used to have when I was little. It's never me in the dream it's like I'm in someone else's shoes living there life dieing there death.

I'm not sure what these dreams mean but I want them to stop I've tried everything short of keeping myself awake all hours of the night with no solution. Now I know what those kids felt like in those Freddy movies dreading going to sleep. It's something that bothers me but it's also something I try not to think about too much. I don't want my dreams to effect my life.

Things with me and Paul are weird as always he calls me everyday and tries to come and see me. But I just don't feel right letting him back into my life after what he did to me. And then there's Jasper and the feelings I have for him he calls almost every day too but he doesn't come too see me. I imagine Jacob's the reason for that. It feels like we've grown even closer since the accident we talk on the phone for hours sometimes about nothing. Which makes the situation with Paul even more awkward I have feelings for both of them and there both trying to make me fall for them. Even though I've already fallen for Paul thinking about what he did to me makes me not want to fall for him again. I don't want to get hurt.

But at the same time I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me. I don't feel comfortable driving just yet and I'm not about to have my Mom drop me off so I could see Jasper. Or worst Jacob I could only imagine the embarrassment. Luckily the insurance covered the accident so my Dad wasn't too mad about the car. He looks pretty happy to me driving off in his brand new rental car. I'm a little tired of my family treating me like I'm still a patient even though I'm constantly telling them I'm OK. It seems like Jacob's been with Leah every minute since we left the hospital, I'm happy for him. He gets that look in his eyes whenever someone mentions her name. Like just the thought of her brings a smile to his face. It's a feeling everyone should feel at least once in there lifetime and I've had the privilege of feeling that way more than once. But I've also been burdened with the problems that come with that feeling and the pain that I felt when he left.

I don't know if the feeling of love was great enough to overcome that. And deep down inside I know Jasper wouldn't hurt me. But I don't trust myself not to hurt him. I can't get into a fully committed relationship with someone if I still have feelings any kind of feelings for someone else. It wouldn't be fair to Jasper I know the pain I felt when Paul broke my heart and I don't wish that on anyone. Let alone me be the cause.

And that's why I've been holed up in my room for most of these two long weeks just thinking, Playing scenarios in my head trying to figure out the best thing for me to do. Part of me wants to be with Paul again and the other half wants something new and to try things with Jasper. But then there's a part of me albeit a small part, That wants to tell both of them no.

But if they feel for me the way I felt for Paul, Then I would be doing the one thing I told myself I wouldn't do I would be hurting someone. And the worst part of it is that I would be hurting both of them and I don't know if I can live with that. So a decision has to be made and weather I like it or not someones going to get hurt.

Emily, Kim, And Leah have been over quite a bit, Leah told me about how she couldn't stand to see me in a hospital bed injured like that. I understand how she felt I don't know if I could handle seeing one of them laying in the hospital. But lately I'm starting to wonder if Leah's coming over to see how I'm doing or if she's just been coming over to spend time with the butthead down the hall.

Since every time she's here she's with me and the girls for about five minutes before she disappears into the hall. I don't care how weak she says her bladder is no one has to pee that often. We all know what she's doing but we let her think she's smooth. We all understand it's new love every one of us has experienced it before. I think it's cute and it seems so innocent they really look like its true love and I know they will make it.

Them finally being together is a relief to me now I don't have to try and play matchmaker for Jacob. He has his dream girl and I'm happy for him, I used to notice him noticing her all the time sneaking in hints to me about her hoping I would put in a good word for him well I guess he got the courage to step up and tell her how he feels. Well whatever he said it must have been poetic because he has her sprung and the same goes for him. Whenever there together I can't help but think to myself sooner or later one of them is going to have to come up for air.

But all of these things still can't take my mind off of the men vying for my love. And the predicament I have found myself in. And so it is with much thought that I have made a decision about who I am going to be with. Now I just need to figure out a way to go see him.

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Who did Bella choose?