36. Nefin the Notorious

Nefin was back by the time Brin returned to Tialdarí Hall. He immediately approached Keeta's best friend. Before he could say anything, Brin spoke.

"She's gone, Nefin," Brin shared. "She flew home to the Isle. I know what happened. She has already forgiven you, but she didn't know how she could pretend nothing was wrong and she didn't want anyone to think badly of you."

Nefin stared unseeingly at Brin. "Thanks," he muttered. "I'll tell the others so you don't have to make up a story." He finally focused his eyes on Brin's face. "Forgiven me, huh? I don't deserve her, Brin. She told me I'm blind to what I don't want to see just seconds before I claimed that I notice everything. But how could I not notice how amazing she is all these years? Because I was intentionally ignoring it, that's how. This has been a hard pill to swallow for one who has always thought his powers of perception were so keen simply because he's such an excellent tracker." He snorted a humorless laugh. "Serves me right. So is it too late for me, do you suppose?"

Brin shook her head in amusement. "No, Nefin. You're right that you don't deserve her. Keep telling yourself that and believing it, and you just might get there. She really loves you, my friend. But she needs some time to try to forget what she saw."

Nefin closed his eyes, his face tightening into a pained grimace. Though he'd had no conscious control over how he had acted under Alanna's enchantment, a cruel twist permitted him to remember his behavior with stark clarity.

Brin sympathetically creased her brow and continued, "Her fear has always been the same, and I'm only telling you this because I know she already has. She thinks she's too small for you, or at least that you think she's too short. And she can't imagine that you would ever truly desire her the same way you seemed to want Alanna."

Nefin ran a hand once through his hair then rubbed his temples in exhaustion. He had been running almost nonstop since Keeta had flown away the day before. "I know," he growled in frustration. "I know that's how she feels, and it's mainly because I did feel that way and must have made it abundantly clear. I'm such an idiot. Such a blasted fool. I'll try to make it up to her." He raised his eyes to Brin's. "Thank you for going and comforting her. I wish I could have, but it will be a long time before she's ready for that. If ever."

Brin raised her hand to his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "Go eat, Nefin. You look like you're ready to pass out."

Nefin acknowledged her words with a distracted look and turned to head for the kitchens.

-:-:-

At dinner that evening, Nefin kept his word and told the others what had happened in an emotionless, detached way. He was keenly aware, however, of Gerik's thin-lipped reaction. Apparently it was the first clue Gerik had that Nefin was the person Keeta cared for. And Nefin felt he fully deserved the cold look of disapproval the dwarf gave him. The others simply regarded Nefin pityingly, more fully understanding his predicament since they had more experience with and knowledge of magic and its related uses, such as Alanna's magically enhanced love potion.

By this time, their stay in Ellesméra had lasted nearly a month. All of the young Riders had their weapons forged except Nefin—whose turn was scheduled to happen next—Keeta, and Gerik. The dwarves had agreed to go last, since they assumed they wouldn't be able to serve as Rhunön's proxy in the crafting of their axes. They wanted whoever did it for them to have plenty of time to recover from crafting their own weapon.

Brom broke the uncomfortable silence that hung in the air after Nefin's confession by saying, "We should finish our time here soon. I would like to be on the Isle by my birthday in three weeks, since Angela told me I should expect a gift this year. I feel like I need to be home for that. Nefin, your turn with Rhunön is next. Brin told Keeta she would help crafting her axe. And I'm happy to stand in for Gerik—"

"I'll do it," Nefin cut in. "I want to help Rhunön with Keeta's axe. I can even do Gerik's. We should do his first, then you all can go on back to the Isle while I stay to do my weapon and Keeta's. I want to be alone. I know none of you really blame me for what happened, but I still feel horrible and responsible and know everyone will be walking on eggshells around me anyway."

Brom stared at him for a few moments without speaking. Then he shrugged and said, "If that's what you want. I'm not fond of the idea of members of our group traveling by themselves, but Keeta has already gone. Does anyone object to Nefin's proposal? Gerik?"

The dwarf sat rigidly in his chair. "I'm not sure," he said. "I don't particularly care for the idea of Nefin making my axe, but maybe I need to hear his reason for offering before completely denying it." He fell silent for a brief moment then added, "But not now. May I excuse myself, please?"

"Certainly," Brom said. "Good evening."

Gerik stood and left without saying another word.

Nefin stared at the table while Gerik departed. "I'm going too," he finally muttered. "Didn't sleep at all last night. I'll go to Rhunön's right after breakfast tomorrow. Maybe I should try to talk to Gerik alone. If he still doesn't want my help—and I wouldn't blame him at all—I'll let you know, Brom. Contact your mind."

Brom nodded as Nefin rose. Nefin felt the weight of their combined stare on him as he left the dining hall and headed for his room.

A/N: I'm going to reduce the number of A/Ns I leave out of respect for people who might just be starting to read from the beginning. They don't need to see, "Here it is! Enjoy!" at the top of every chapter. And I'll also stop asking for reviews. Y'all know I love them, so leave one if you want, don't if you don't (most of you ;), and we'll carry on as usual. And just a brief reminder, please refrain from using profanity in any reviews you might be inclined to write. If I have the luxury of approving or deleting the review, as is the case when a guest reader reviews, I will not approve any with cuss words. Thanks a million! :)