A/N: Y'all seen the 'Z' movie poster? Go look again.

Hello, New World. Nice to see you again. No doubt you know why I'm addressing you. But just in case, here's a recap of your latest show of affection.

In accordance with my usual practice of taking a bath at around the same time every day to conserve some of the sparse feminine joys I still have on a ship predominated by men—shaving, delicate smelling soap, quiet solace from recycled fart jokes—I was buck naked when you thought it would be a cool time to get dramatic.

It's partly my own fault. I took too long shampooing my hair with the new stuff and, go figure, most crew's "don't have a navigator who gives a rat's ass about split ends" (says Zoro) (but I do, and what exactly is wrong with wanting luster, I ask). The rising humidity in the room and my distractedness made me lazy towards paying attention to what's outside.

So when you relieved yourself all over the ship, you gave me about 2.3 seconds of decision making time to realize I'd forgotten a towel before running out to do my job. Thank the stars Sanji-kun was too preoccupied with trying not to be washed overboard to look at me. Which reminds me, thank you very little for trying to sweep me away. I mean, I know I look good, but you sort of creep me out. You stay on your side of the railing, I'll stay on mine.

You've met my captain, so you also understand this most memorable piece puts me in a difficult position. He didn't really have a choice but to wrap around me like that, and I'm grateful it's…well…him, since he doesn't seem to care about boobs and such things (he's very talented at making his own when he's bored, because god's forbid we find actual use for the Gum Gum fruit, but I digress). I don't think that I would've been able to do the things I did with anyone else's arm on me like that. And I don't really mind admitting it.

You've changed him. Maybe you don't even realize it. It's small, anyway. Or, maybe it's me? How did you make me so sensitive to change? Is it because you're so touchy? Am I now cursed with the ability to smell the slightest hint of gentleman when it shows up? God's know you are no gentleman, so perhaps it makes it easier to spot when it shows.

I suppose I should thank you. I've admired this shirt for a while, and am wondering if he'll let me borrow it for a bit longer. It's tighter and raised further to the mid-drift on me because, well, tits, but it's as nice a fit as anything else I wear.

By the way, I don't know what it is about you that makes these guys wear underwear more infrequently, but your efforts during that storm weren't enough to prevent him from handing over his pants. I've had to adapt my saucier daydreams into wide screen.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Isn't Getting Paid Enough For This