On the Edge of Wakefulness, Part 2
Chapter 36
Pulling the car out of impound had been a royal pain in the ass, expensive, too. Paulie Smith, also known as the Mole with a birth name of Risley Moran, turned the wheel and flipped off the police department as his double-decade-old BMW rolled down the boulevard. Three days in the clinker, two days of interrogation about Phillip Manning and his ugly cohorts. Several more days wondering about Brandy and Todd Manning and Jedediah, that fuckin' kid. That little time was nothin' but a drop in the bucket for a winter-dead city so Llanview still wore the same stinky layer of sweat, still ached the same.
The rear-view mirror told him a 1955 Chevrolet had been following him for over a mile. Not able to recognize the driver, Paulie considered speeding up but didn't want to chance it being an undercover cop. The last thing he wanted was another two days locked up. He made a left turn then a sharp right. Parallel parked across the street from a diner. Watched the Chevrolet turn the corner, having caught him at last. Paulie lit a cigarette just as Phillip Manning pulled up next to him in that slick Chevy, blocking traffic.
Manning smiled a toothy grin, waved. He looked different ... Paulie wasn't sure in what way. The hair, he concluded. Different color. Gone was the bleach.
"Enjoy jail?" Phillip smirked, ignoring the honks of irritated drivers.
Paulie shrugged. Shook his head, no, puffed out smoke while the cigarette dangled from relaxed lips. "Jail's jail."
"You tell 'em I took off?"
"Kinda. Said I knew not a fucking thing about you."
"Smart boy."
"No lie."
Phillip glanced around, waving someone around him. Grinned at someone cursing him. "Right back at ya' asshole," he said, maintaining the tight smile.
"Whatdaya want, Manning? I'm being watched like a hawk so if you wanna stay outta the cops' way ... you best be telling me your business then shovin' off."
"Yeah ... um ... things are sorta fucked right now and I want- no, I need to know your loyalty to me."
"My loyalty? I thought you already knew that."
Phillip lifted his eyebrows in curiosity.
"To the heavens o'course, that's where my loyalty lies, with GOD himself ..." He smiled back smartly. Laughed loud after a bit. "Yeah ... that's me, a son dedicated to the workings of the Lord. Halle-fuckin'-lujah."
"Where's the kid holed up?"
"What's wrong, ain't you playing?"
"Answer the fuckin' question."
Paulie pulled another draw off his cigarette. He thought about lying. But honestly couldn't come up with one other than I don't know but that would mean he stopped doing his job. So he went with the truth. Because the kid was pretty fuckin' safe there. And he was gonna be there for a long damn time.
"Hospital," he drawled, "'long with daddy. Juvenile lock-up, hanging with the other psycho kids."
Nodding his head, Phillip then waved casually and suddenly drove away. Real normal-like. Paulie glanced around but didn't notice any cops or suspicious cars, just the usual riff-raff. Sucked on the cigarette and then dropped it out the window. Heard it hit the ground and sizzle. Probably hit some water. He eased the car back into traffic, thinking about his plan.
What to do, what to do.
In his mind, the only real option was to end Manning, Phillip, that is. The guy would never stop until everyone HE hates is dead. Including Paulie. Absolutely Paulie. He checked the time ...drove a while. Just wasn't sure how to get the guy.
As he drove towards his ratty living quarters, he found himself really hoping that goddam hospital lockup was as secure as he was thinking.
The boulevard was hopping and Viki shook her head angrily as an old Chevy flew by her at some excessive speed, practically catching air as it hit a small dip. She resumed her focus on the road in front of her and checked the time: 1:30 p.m. Hopefully, Tim would be around for a chat on Todd's status. It had been more than a few days since he had arrived at the hospital, and Viki ... well, she prayed every night he would have the strength to stick out this difficult time.
She was not living in fantasy land however.
The methadone amounts needed adjustment, so he still felt poorly, suffered agonizing cravings for heroin, and had a very bad go with the pneumonia which, although improved, still had him under its influence. Needless to say, he was a miserable, angry patient. She had noticed a moment, though, late the previous night when she caught him flashing a tiny smile at Téa who had brought him a snack from the cafeteria. He'd smiled, then promptly scowled and slumped deep into the bed sheets, bound and determined to not be "happy" about anything.
"Stubborn man," Viki said aloud as she drove into the hospital parking lot. Jedediah had the same attitude, unfortunately. He was deeply angry at being in a locked ward, even though he admitted it was better than the juvenile facility. Neither Todd nor Jed had taken a moment to talk to each other. Jed didn't want to. Or at least, he said he didn't want to.
Viki suspected he feared the confrontation, having nearly lost Todd. Lots of tension in that new relationship, lots of issues that wouldn't go away in one conversation. Anyway, Summer was set to visit him today and she hoped his spirits would be lifted, at least for a while.
She opened the car door and climbed out, grabbing her bag and shivering at the cold. Crunching through the snow, she raised her eyes when she neared the sliding doors of the hospital entrance and paused.
Much to her surprise, she saw the smallest of women, dressed in clothes that didn't fit quite right. Blue work-style pants too big, a pink boxy shirt too stiff, sneakers too new, and everything too thin for the weather. She had a sorrowful look to her, a look that screamed of brokenness and with an ache in her heart, Viki realized the young lady was Brandy. It wasn't uncommon for patients to sit outside, for the fresh air, even out front. Two others were in wheelchairs, watching the street and visitors.
"Brandy?" Viki asked tentatively, approaching. She knew Brandy because Tim had pointed her out the other day, here at the hospital.
The girl shrugged and eyed Viki suspiciously, "Yeah, what you want?"
"I'm Viki, Todd's sister. We met before, a couple of days ago, briefly."
"Ohhhh ... I remember. yeah. Hey." She glanced down, smoothing her pants, eyes downcast like she wanted to disappear.
"What are you doing out here, it's so cold," Viki asked.
Brandy shrugged, embarrassed. After a second or two of quiet, she blurted, "You know I went to see… um… Todd… in his room and he real busy, you know, gettin' well and he got his wife an' stuff ... and that ain't no place for me."
"But they're pretty good people here. I hope you stay. I know Todd appreciates you being here."
Brandy just nodded and pulled on her shirt, clearly wishing to be even smaller than she already was and Viki was reminded of a horror movie she saw once where the villain grew smaller and smaller until he disappeared into an audible tiny pop! She sighed and thought to touch Brandy, to assure her, but then didn't. Instead, she offered another kind of assurance.
"Brandy, why don't you spend a couple of days with me? Once you're released?"
"Oh m'am…" Her voice had near about disappeared.
Viki smiled at her, "I have a big house, huge ... empty. You can rest there, kick your feet up on a bed ... watch T.V. Really rest. Is that okay?"
The tears, they seemed to freeze on those wind-reddened cheeks, streaming down from her haunted brown eyes. Viki reached her hand out to Brandy, believing she could see straight through the girl, seeing hopelessness. "Brandy, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to ask questions or ... make demands ... or preach at you. I'm offering you a place to rest your soul."
"I ain't got a soul, Mrs. Todd's Sister. He and I ... we ain't got souls to rest."
Despite Viki's shock at her words, the reality that this girl saw a similar emptiness in Todd… my god, she thought… Viki said, "Give it a try. He's trying. Come with me when you're done with your program and try, too."
Brandy hugged herself, shivering. Her long black hair whipped in a light, icy breeze. She finally said softly, "I guess there ain't much else for me to do. You know how to make chicken soup?"
Viki laughed. "Why yes! As a matter of fact I do!"
"I heard some ladies inside and they was talking about chicken soup being good for people. I thought it sounded kinda warm."
"It's warm ... it's more than warm."
With a heavy sigh, and a last peek upwards to the hospital windows, Brandy agreed. As soon as she got her release, she'd go with Viki. She watched the dignified lady go inside to the hospital. After a while, she went inside too. Wondered about Todd as she walked back inside the hospital, wondered if he was happy ... or happier. But deep inside, she wasn't so sure.
People like them, with no souls, didn't get happy.
Easy ... strangely easy. The window popped open just like the chick down the hall said it would. The metal grate popped open, too, all thanks to knocking off a small latch in the window frame. A flaw in the system.
Earlier in the week the kids were all hanging out in the activity room, playing pool. Someone mentioned a rumor that some rooms had faulty locking systems. That the windows had an imperfect latch.
"Story is you can break it and the whole thing'll pop open."
Everyone chuckled in disbelief, but then just had to check for themselves. All down the hall, the kids yelled, "You're full of shit, Brent!"
Except Jedediah, Hillary and Paulo. Their windows were in fact exactly as the rumor said. They said nothing.
Midnight, only a few degrees Fahrenheit.
Jedediah hung on to the ledge and glanced down, two fuckin' stories up ... he'd fall into a bunch of thorny bushes. Sure hoped they were strong enough to break his fall. Freezing up here ... surely some alarm went off ... surely it did.
Fuck ... that's a long way down.
He had battled within himself as to what to do all night, the broken window latch practically glowing, a real burning bush in his room. Summer had come by in the afternoon and they got a chance to talk in the recreation room. Jedediah had laughed at her talk and stole a kiss or two. God, he loved being with her. He didn't tell her about the latch.
She tickled him and got reprimanded. She lifted her eyebrows at Jedediah and said crude things beneath her breath, making Jed crazy with need for her. They talked about life someplace else. Summer had plans, big plans for when school got out. She was going to get her car fixed up, going to get Jedediah out of the state, head to Florida or Canada or someplace else exciting. Certainly he'd be free by June. They'd hit the road, she promised. She stopped talking about it when Jedediah got emotional all of a sudden, when he told her he didn't know where he'd be pissing in June much less where he'd be pissing in a week. She cried, too ... sympathetically.
"My poor Jed, my poor, beautiful Jed, I love you ... and ... you can piss wherever you want to. I'll love you all the same." He had giggled in the midst of his sadness and that made Summer laugh. She kissed his nose ... and got reprimanded there in the juvenile psych ward.
Again.
With a deep breath, the memories of her still on his lips, he let go of the ledge and hit the ground like a fuckin' rock. Stunned by the fall, he lay crumpled in the brush, the drop hurting a bit more than he had imagined. He thought he hit his head maybe. Shit was really fuzzy.
Too cold ... shook himself. He looked up and no alarms were going off ... nothing. Dead silent other than hospital noises coming from an open window, a basement kitchen perhaps. He picked himself up, falling to the ground immediately. Got up again and limped away ... trudging through snow in socks and shaking like a leaf.
Not thinking right, he thought ... it's too dark ... it's too cold. Fuck, he mumbled.
Fuck.
Jedediah sniffled and wondered what the hell he was doing but understood that running away was his version of "auto-pilot." Given the opportunity, he just ran. No thoughts about consequences, no nothing. Where to go now? He had no money, no other clothes, nothing. Worse than before. Summer, he thought. Got to get to a phone and get to Summer. Got to stop feeling so damn fuzzy. His head hurt bad now. He stopped walking and pressure-squeezed his temples. Jesus Christ. He walked more, walked down the sidewalk, the hospital fading behind him.
Walk, walk, walk. Where are the payphones? Why don't we have payphones? Only in the movies. London has red ones, New York has blue ones.
He kept walking and then he noticed a big old car slow-driving next to him. He glanced at it and the door swung open like goddamn magic. Jedediah was hurting now. The cold killing him. How did Todd do this? He walked away in the snow that one night. Walked away repeatedly into dead cold. He could feel the warm car from here.
"Come on in, son."
Magic, he thought. Yeah ... goddamn magic. He slipped in and said his head hurt.
"Won't hurt long," he heard.
Jedediah pulled the heavy door closed. An old car. An old-fashioned car built like a tank. Real steel back in the day. His feet hurt too and he rubbed a wet sock. A diamond earring glistened in the moonlight. His head hurt bad and rubbed his temples again.
"I think I want to go home," he muttered to the dark angel who rescued him from the snow.
"Yeah, boy. Let's go home."
"Sweetheart, wake up. I need to talk to you."
Viki's voice pierced through the dream, waking Todd. When he sat up, he saw it was still dark. "What? What's going on?"
"Jedediah's run away again ... do you know anything about it?" She sounded scared, Todd thought.
"No," he said, "... I'm confused ... I thought he was in the lockdown ward. I tried to see him ... he didn't want me. What's going on?"
He sniffled and rubbed at his face, rubbed hard. Trying to orient himself. They gave him pills to help him sleep and fact was they near knocked him out. Near. He reached for a drink of water on the bedside table. He swallowed the water and watched Viki. He put the cup down.
"The hospital's in a panic. He broke the window - it was a broken window, something like that. Honey, there's something you need to know ... something ... terrible. It's about ... Phillip Manning. Jedediah's in big trouble."
The words that followed were horrifying, numbing. Todd listened as Viki vomited truths which had been kept from Todd.
Phillip Manning had a hit out on Jedediah. Phillip Manning wanted Jedediah DEAD.
Dawn broke through the shaded windows, lighting the hospital room, but did nothing to brighten Todd's mind which was black not only with the sleep-inducing pills, but also methadone-related fatigue, remnants of pneumonia, and now… tormenting images of a still-innocent Jedediah. The memory of him sleeping with arms and legs spread on a strange sofa in a dirty motel room, oblivious to prying eyes,played over and over, so untouched, unless … Phillip Manning got a hold of him.
Shhhhh … don't think it, don't see it, don't … don't … he never touched you… from before… never got in on that game, didn't touch other kids that you know of… right? Just sucked your dick is all. That is not the same thing. A thick fat hard adult dick.
Hard as fuck. Ain't that right?
Swallowing a lump in his throat, Todd sniffed back stinging, guilt-ridden hurt because he was insane. Really goddamn insane. The kid has a fucking hit out on him, a contract for a fucking assassination, and here he is, worrying about getting his goddamn dick sucked, about that old Peter Manning bullshit that no doubt he probably wanted anyway.
MURDER. His kid is going to be KILLED.
And fact is, Jedediah was in this only because of Todd. He smoothed the blankets around him, trying to concentrate on the bumps and folds and the crisscrossed ropes of rough ivory-colored cotton. Panic was riding waves towards him and he just had to keep it at bay. Hard to think out any kind of plan under these circumstances, Viki trying to be the "strong one," even though she herself looked sick with worry, a fucking cop sitting outside the door, purposefully playing with handcuffs, and noisy carts squeaking along the halls, attached to nurses doling out meds and breakfast. Too much noise in his head … from the inside and outside.
"How do you know it's true?" Todd muttered, working the blanket against his thighs in even, repeated strokes, busying his hands, lest he use them to strangle the cop so he could get the hell out. Maybe he'd have to strangle his sister, too, for telling him about Phillip wanting to murder his kid … shhhhh … don't think about it.
"How do you know Jed just didn't take off with that chick he's seeing? He...he coulda done that…"
"We don't know for a fact that Jed's with Phillip-"
"Then why the FUCK are you scaring me like this? Huh?! WHY?!"
Viki took a step back. Todd knew he was starting to lose it but he just couldn't help it. Those waves that panic was riding were right up on his feet and he could feel the freezing ocean water, panic a screaming surfboard rider right there…
"Because," she stammered, "I don't want you in the dark anymore about the threats, about why Jed's been in protective custody, about everything. You need to know the whole truth, it isn't right that you be kept from knowing."
"Great, thanks for sharing, thanks for spreading the misery … and … and… fear, you … you- aww fuck it." He fussed with something on the table next to the bed, a band for his hair. Yanked hard on that long mess and pulled it into a ponytail, thumping back onto the pillows.
Jesus goddamn christ, jesus goddamn christ…
Viki breathed a ragged breath, not sure how to handle him, not sure of all he was feeling, although she assumed it ran the gamut of emotions, same as for everyone else who loved Jed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I'd hoped that maybe, that maybe Jed contacted you before he left, but he didn't … and …"
"Nahhh he didn't … no."
He rubbed his foot against the linens in nervous motion, flattening the blankets with his hands again. Noting the hundreds of threaded ivory ropes, hundreds of feet probably, that draped his body, a useless thing, an "it" that is no good as a father, husband, brother … friend. One non-thinking, non-breathing, non-functioning "it" stuck in this room, knowing that Jed is out there with a monster, with Peter Manning, an unholy satanic spirit who'd slipped into the body of Phillip to be sure, offering hellish salvation to specific rotting infidels, yeah, yeah, and you also know he came a'crawling out of hell to drag back virgin sacrificial lambs! Yeah, yeah he did!
Shhhhh … s'okay, s'okay …
"It is most definitely NOT OKAY!" He yelled and Viki jumped, her eyes on the door.
"I didn't say it was okay," she said quietly.
Looking up with dark eyes in those light colors, he asked in an accusatory tone, "And just why the hell would you think Jed would contact … me?" That's what he wanted to know because his all-knowing, usually cool-as-a-cucumber sister, should have realized she was barking up the wrong goddamn tree.
Shoulda kept her mouth shut. Shoulda kept her mouth shut, her privileged, incestuous-rape-surviving, I'm-better-than-you-because-I-never-ended-up-a-whore mouth … shut. 'Cause she'd accomplished nothing, that bitch, that … fucking bitch.
"I'm sorry," Viki said, fighting back tears, feeling his anger towards her now. "I hoped … you see, he'd been wanting to talk to you. He loves you … I was sure he'd somehow …"
"I'm in the fucking hospital, sis, with a fuckin' cop at the door! You shoulda kept me in the dark! Oh GOD …" Felt the sandy ocean water slide along his skin, as memory bumped him upwards toward the sun of reality.
"Tim and I both thought you needed to know and I'm sorry … I thought I should be the one-"
"Stop saying you're sorry! You're using this, I know you are. Some kind of … way to … to guilt me into sobriety …" Then he rubbed his face, aggravated. Cursed under his breath and threw the covers off with his feet, kicking hard at the linens. Finally, he growled and lay back in the bed, pulling at his gown to cover more of himself. "Gotta think of something, gotta think of where he'd go, because he's a sick … sick … bastard."
"Bo will find him," she said in mock confidence, "both of them. We have an informant who's in contact with Phillip supposedly."
Glowering from the bed, he eyed Viki, his tone dripping with bitter disbelief. "Informant?"
"Sort of … yes …"
"Who?"
"I don't know who he is, just that he knows what Phillip looks like because that's been the trouble, in that nobody knows what he looks like, no current pictures... Todd-"
"Jesus CHRIST!" His face screwed up into a hate-filled expression and he punched the air, his body fully into the punch and Viki had to step back. "You don't know SHIT, none of you do! You all don't know SHIT! God! God I fucking hate all of you! Do you HEAR ME!"
"Thomas Todd Manning!" She yelled in her most maternal voice, in as chastising a voice as he'd ever heard from her. "I'm as worried as you are! Settle DOWN!"
He paused at that, he stopped at that, his features frozen in a steady curious stare. Ohhhh mama, he thought. Dear dear Viki, he thought. She sounded mom-like, really so, and he visibly stopped his madness in its tracks and then the child inside of him about cried hard wet, about cried snot-nosed tears, hiccupping choking cries from the complete panic that was overtaking his brain. The waves washed up on his legs, panic here, waves threatening to take him under.
He's gonna kill him, mama!
He dropped his head, swallowed. Breathed. He felt her move closer to him. They were quiet that way for some minutes. He raised his eyes to the ceiling. Licked his lips. She stayed that foot away from him. He could hear her breathing.
Viki reached out and simply placed her hand on his forearm. Shook her head a little. Earlier in the week, Tim had suggested that Todd be told the truth as soon as possible about Jedediah, about the contract on Jed's life. Learning of it later would only make Todd feel more resentment, he had explained, as if his illness made him different or not a part of the family … or … even of the human race. Tell him, Tim had concluded, he'll do better in the long run to know.
He didn't push her away, he let her try to comfort him.
"He'll come back and the police will take care of Phillip Manning, arrest him," she said, not as confident as she was trying to sound.
He rested back against the pillows, watching Viki out of the corner of his eye. Every so often she'd wipe her cheeks. He felt her sadness, he did, wished he could console her but, no way. Didn't have the energy, didn't have the gumption or credentials to reach out to her. Who the hell was he to comfort anyone? He wasn't like her. Not possible to BE like her.
He patted her hand unconsciously, and then, unable to stop it from happening, found himself careening back to that scummy apartment, seeing the place in glorious detail all around him … hearing the music, watching those men in the room. When he looked downwards, he could see Phillip doing that business and could feel the friction, the pull of it. He knew he was drifting in a strange heroin high which made no sense because he wasn't on heroin and yet he could see things in a similar way. He scanned the images, his body there… and yet not there. He didn't have an erection but he felt like he was in the middle of things.
A few more pulls and you'll be exploding and I'll be smiling like a fucking fiend!
He could hear the moans and groans of Brandy in the back room, they were twins being eaten alive, bloody bones breaking and muscles tearing away, twins sacrificed at the altar of Satan … and Peter loved it, he LOVED it. And when Todd glanced across the room at the windows beyond the men, beyond the cluttered table, beyond Viki the mom yelling Thomas Todd Manning! he could see a reflection in the glass, in the blackened panes… he could see … he could see …
Jedediah being abused by Phillip.
An impressive, slick pistol was drawn, held against the side of the boy's face, the metal dragging down his cheek. The monster was behind him, moving inside of him, groaning and jerking, then just as Jed wet the monster's hand, just as the monster finished, Todd could see Jed's head being blown to bits.
Reality broke through at that and Todd gasped for air, nausea washing over him, and he shrunk down into the covers and turned on his side. He was shaking hard, his whole body shivering like he was in the snow again, and he faced Viki, looking up at her. She talked to him but he could barely hear her through the white noise inside his head. Perspiration had broken out all over his body and his skin paled. He fought to breathe deeply because in a few more seconds he'd be throwing up.
Finally, her voice broke through, and she said, "I'll call Tim. He'll be here right away."
Todd shook his head, grabbing onto her arm to stop her from leaving. A sickening taste flooded his mouth and he reached for water but couldn't reach it so she handed the half-empty cup to him and he sat up part way. Drank the water, swallowed the truth down. He couldn't just sit here in the hospital. He had to tell someone exactly what Phillip's interests were. It was more than death. Much more. This he knew.
The shaking seemed to quell a bit, a storm inside of him resolving into a light rain.
"You okay, now?" Viki asked, still terribly worried for him.
"I'd be a better informant, you know, than whoever you have."
"Why do you say that?"
Whispered, "'Cause I know that Phillip's a bad kinda man and … uh …"
"Of course you do, he's your cousin-"
"I'm scared for Jed. I … I can't just sit here … knowing my kid's out there on his own with a monster on his tail … or worse."
"But you can't do anything about it. Oh maybe I shouldn't have told you." Leaned in close to him and hugged him, but he stiffened in response and she stepped back, releasing him. She could see something different in him, a shift in mood. Distance in his eyes.
"I can do things," he murmured. "I can."
She did not like what she was looking at. Tim was wrong, she concluded. "I shouldn't have told you. I'm so sorry."
"No … I'm glad you did … 'cause otherwise … I'd have fuckin' killed myself if I didn't get the chance to help."
"But-"
"I can do things. I know what he looks like."
Viki wasn't sure she understood. "Phillip Manning?"
He nodded. Played with the sheets again in front of him. Smoothing them.
"Of course you do," she said. "But that was a long time ago. The story is-"
"No … I know what he looks like … now."
Viki moved closer to him, studying him. She saw no mockery, no sarcasm or even anger. Hearing what he had just said. The hospital seemed to quiet and she brushed his warm cheek with folded fingers, seeing him still pale and shaken from his waking nightmare. His eyes rounded and he rubbed his lips together. He stared at her in an almost childlike manner.
"How do you know what he looks like… now?" She asked in a gentle tone.
Todd said nothing … just continued to gaze at her. He didn't have a choice in this, not really. To explain one thing meant he had to say another.
"Honey," she repeated, "how do you know what he looks like now?"
His mouth parted slowly to speak, but he rested his head further into the pillow, trying to gather what he could in order to tell her what had happened, to explain just how much of a monster Phillip was, that he'd become the fleshy occupant of Satan's throne, even wearing the skin of Victor Lord as a gruesome royal cape. Yeah, yeah, his sister would understand that, she would then know the trouble Jed had fallen into, she'd know it up close and personal. The music of that night played in his head, thumping, heavy bass notes that reverberated throughout his body. The taste of the beer made him salivate, and he could feel the sickening, delicious, gotta-do-this sensation in his cock, god so close to ejaculating, the slide of a wet hot mouth, down and up, his hips wanting to rock… it reminded him of what he had to tell her.
"God," he said softly, a lone tear sliding into his mouth.
She bent close to him again, caressing his stringy damp hair, patting him, assuring him wordlessly.
And he felt it. I love you. Without her saying it. He kinda got that. So he continued to dig deep for the strength to tell her … how do you put it into words? You just do, he told himself. Words then began to spill out, words softer than butterfly wings flapping in spring air, thousands of blue butterflies above swaying stalks of green. If only he could be in that place again, beneath a sky of velvet, so peaceful like that … so very peaceful …
"He paid me with money and heroin. And he uh… Phillip… he uh… put his mouth on me, on me, and I'm just like Brandy … and she and I … we know … uh… we know what he looks like. Now."
Pain swelled for him, the whole picture clear without knowing anything more than what he described. She fought a desire to cry for that desperation he must have felt, for a heroin need so big that he would betray his own body for it. She'd been there, too. Using her body to get something she wanted. Her vice hadn't been drugs, but she did it just the same. One of her personalities when she suffered actively from dissociative identity disorder slept with strange men to get things out of them. Information or attention or sometimes... things. She learned this later. She "remembered" the sex. Later.
Viki shut her eyes tightly, dwelling in the pretense that nothing happened. She kept on touching the side of his head, moved her hand to his cheek, unconsciously wiped away the single tear there. She wanted to say, it's okay, but the words wouldn't come. It wasn't okay. What he'd experienced was probably the first time such a thing happened, if the addiction continued. There'd be more experiences, like that. And then she wondered if there was more to that story.
More than just the heroin. More than a wish to get high… to let a man do that to him. She squeezed his hand.
It's okay. It's okay.
"I know what he looks like … I know. She and I can find him. If he knows I'm on the streets, he'll come to me. He'll keep coming to me until he gets me alone to kill me. And if I can't save Jed, I can at least get Phillip."
Viki reached down now, hugging him, surprised he let her. She held him for a long while, until he finally pushed her away and sat up against the pillows. He lifted the gown exposing the bandages, and began picking at the tape, trying to rip the gauze off so he could see the damage, so he could show her, so he could convince her … his fear for Jed wasn't about the blow-job. Jed was in more trouble than she knew because of the bite.
He HAD to get back to the streets.
"He bit me," Todd grumbled, pulling at the tape. He held his gown so he wouldn't be over-exposed. Funny how he didn't care all that much.
"He bit you?" She took a deep breath, the picture getting clearer. A violent turn to the experience.
"Yeah," he said, his tone soft and yet not, scowling as he worked. After a couple of more picks, he ripped off the bandage and the bite stood out black and blue, angry red. Todd looked at the wound. He said, "I didn't want to come in his mouth … so I told him to stop sucking my dick …so he bit me … and wouldn't let me go …"
The specific sexual detail confused her. Surprised her. It was unlike him to be so… specific. "Why are you telling me this?"
With feverish eyes, with an unexpected rationality in his voice, Todd explained, "Because the bite wasn't required. Because he smiled before he did it. Because he showed me his insides when he did it and I saw that he was SATAN. Phillip isn't just gonna kill Jed, he's gonna torture him, tear him apart, cause incredible pain before he kills him." He paused … then played diplomat, saying deliberately but not convincingly, "I'll help the cops get him."
Viki suddenly found herself sobbing … the picture very clear now. She went to the bathroom, having to bury her face into a towel so he couldn't hear her. Before long, though, her hysteria was interrupted by Todd grabbing her shoulders from behind, shaking her to look at his reflection in the mirror. He'd changed into sweats, had a tee-shirt on under a sweater. The intravenous lines had been pulled out.
"You do what you can to get me outta here," he said.
"No!"
"I know what he looks like. Brandy knows him personally. He wants Jed as some sort of trophy … 'magine what he'll do to get both of us … 'magine that?"
Viki swung around to look at him, taking in how tired he looked, how beaten up. He'd lost so much weight.
"Let me out of here," he repeated, "let me go back to the streets and be bait for Phillip."
"No," she said, her voice hard. "You're not ready to be out there. You need to heal first. Téa will be here, soon, okay? Brandy will be coming home with me, she'll be safe there. We'll all wait for news together—"
"I can't do that. If you don't call Bo … and get something done, I'll call Bo or or I'll jump out the window. Or I'll use that cop's gun … I will get out of here on my own."
The two faced-off, unable to speak for a bit. Viki broke the tense silence, "You're making me choose between you and Jed. I can't …"
"What fuckin' choice are you talking about?! Between an already dead man and … someone who actually has a shot at life, my kid who isn't a drug addict, who isn't a rapist, who hasn't been raped by anyone? Yet?! Christ, sis, don't tell me you're as stupid as you sound! Think about it!"
"I can't … it's too dangerous out there!"
"Want to see the bite again? Why don't you THINK about what Phillip is going to do to Jed? Remember our fathers? Remember yours? Remember him coming to your room at night and getting on top of you … and fucking you. Repeatedly … remember his cock in your mouth? Remember the taste, sweet Princess?"
"Shut up," she said in a thick, low whisper, holding her hands to her ears. "Shut up!"
"Remember the pain? Taking your virginity? The shame of it, the lying later that you lost it in college like everyone else but you didn't. How old were you… eight, ten… fourteen maybe?"
"Todd, Todd—"
"Remember how a bullet in your skull would have been SO MUCH BETTER?!"
She covered her eyes, crying, telling him to stop, but Todd forced her hands down. "Shall I go on? Shall we share more details? Share like kids at a slumber party, about blood and bruising and the smell of sweat and how your body just responds to those things… how you'd come even though you didn't make that happen?!" She shook her head, on the edge of hysteria again. "Still think you have a choice now … sis?"
She looked into his eyes at last and saw that broken boy, saw herself in his face, in his desperation to get out … to do something to stop the inevitable. She understood, clear as a bell, crystal … they had lived the same life, the same hell. How thoroughly she had cleansed her mind of the details.
Jedediah would be tortured before he was killed.
"Let go of my hands," she asked gently. And he did. She then took one of his hands into hers, slid the sleeve up his arm, looking at the scars and the bruising. "You're not ready to be out there. I know what you're telling me, I know exactly and I don't want that to happen to him … but you have to see that you're too sick. If you go back out there, you won't be able to get Phillip. Much less save Jedediah. What can you possibly accomplish? You're not thinking … you're not. All that's going to happen is that I'll end up burying two Lords, you … and Jedediah."
He placed his hand over hers. "I can't stay here. I'll do anything to prevent what happened to us from happening to HIM. Don't you get that? I'll die trying to stop it."
Tim's voice interrupted them. He stood right outside the bathroom. "What's going on? You guys handling things okay?" His voice was thick with concern. Their battle had not gone unnoticed.
Tears slipped down Viki's face and she peered at Tim, Todd still holding her hand. "I told him about Jedediah," she said, trying to be calm and not weaken at seeing someone she perceived as stronger than her, "…and I told him about Phillip. Last night's events forced me to tell him sooner rather than later. But … Todd … um …"
Todd interrupted her, "Call Bo Buchanan. Get him in here fast. Things are gonna get ugly if you don't."
"Why don't we start at the beginning? Come back out here, sit down … we'll all sit down and think this through."
"FUCK YOU! Tim … Doctor Graham … my Superman hero of a guy … you gotta think, okay? You gotta think and you're not doing it. You're NOT thinking!"
"Okay, kiddo, talk."
"I know this guy, Phillip, and … and uh … he knows me and he knows Brandy and he … uh … he's got some sick ideas in his head … and if he has Jed in his … uh … hands, things aren't going to be easy for my kid … and … uh … I can't just sit here … and I'm not just talking about Jed getting killed because getting killed would be EASY …" His face crumpled and tears wetted his eyes, but he fought for self-control. Sniffed it all back, continuing, "I want to go out there and be the bait for Phillip. He'll come to me. If I'm out there, there's a chance. If I'm in here, there's NO chance."
"What if he left the state?"
"He'll come back. There's no fucking way he'll just be happy offing Jed. He wants more than that … do you get it? Do you?!"
Tim bit his lip and looked away, scratched his head as if contemplating Todd's plan. Directing his eyes back to Viki, he saw the dread written on her face, the dead-on fear. Looking back at his patient, who had a death-grip on Viki's hand now, he thought they were on the fast track to a hostage situation. As much of one as a weakened unarmed man could manage. Todd didn't need that kind of trouble.
"What do you propose to do? Why do you think you have more of a chance at getting Jed back than the cops do?"
Viki looked at Todd and he looked back at her. She wasn't sure if he had told Tim what had happened.
"Just … trust me," Todd said weakly, eyes on Viki's. His words caused a renewed rush of tears down her face. He hadn't told Tim. She couldn't bear him repeating the story again, couldn't bear the obvious shame he felt.
Tim sighed and looked downwards, realizing the absurdity of Todd's plea. "The cops are in the best situation possible. We're going to have to trust THEM. You're not over the pneumonia, you're on a strict methadone management program, you need counseling to deal—"
"Superman… I'm trying, okay, I'm really trying not to lose my cool here. You guys wanted me to know about Phillip … and now my kid's out there and someone obviously got to him … had to help him get out. He didn't get out of no fuckin' lock-down ward unless he had someone on the inside helping him and the only person possible is Phillip!"
"Actually… your son," Tim huffed, "He got out on his own. A window was broken. A faulty lock. Two other kids found the same thing. They got out too. It's possible Jed is just on the streets again."
Todd squeezed shut his eyes, shaking his head no, no, no… "No! I feel this, Doc! I know this! Phillip has my kid. So … you gotta work with me and trust me. I … uh … I can get Phillip to come crawling out from under whatever … fucking rock he's under … and uh … you just can't let me rot in here … in some fucking group therapy shit … and … uh … while Jed gets murdered!"
Todd held onto Viki a little tighter and she looked at Tim with mild panic. She knew this desperation and sure enough, when she tried to pull away from him, Todd grabbed her fully, twisting her arm behind her back, his other arm pressing around her throat.
"Call Bo," he said.
"Awww … shit."
"Call Bo or I will break her fucking neck."
"Todd … there's a cop right outside the door. He's already on notice that something's going down with you which is why I'm here now. You're going to get hurt. So … you have to release your sister."
Todd laughed … on the edge, so close to completely losing it. "You want me to give up just like that? You've gotta be kidding…"
"You have no choice, man! You either let her loose or the cop will swoop down on you so fast it isn't funny. You will go to jail and there will be NO way for you get out under THOSE circumstances. You are blowing ANY shot you have at helping Jed. Let her go." Tim spoke in a low voice, obviously trying not to let the police officer hear.
Viki had her head close to Todd's and she could smell his sweat and her stomach lurched with hurt because he'd reminded her of her father's sweat, remember the smell, and she realized they both had a similar sugary scent. And she vaguely recalled that her father sometimes enjoyed morphine and she bet that's where the sugar came from. She wanted to throw up. She craned her neck, twisted in his grip. He wasn't wrong about preferring death to rape. She twisted and tears ran down her face not because of his hold on her but because she remembered wishing she was dead, wishing he'd just smother her to death with his body as she had lain beneath him rather than endure yet another night with him.
She turned to look at Todd and said softly, only for him to hear, "I understand. I remember… the details."
She then said out loud to Tim, "I will do whatever is necessary to help him get out. Bo will listen to me. Todd, you CAN trust me."
Todd rubbed his head against hers, instinct almost, and his body shivered with anxiety. He growled, "I'm not letting go until you get Bo. Call him."
Tim then said, "I'll call him. But I'm not doing it until you let her go."
"Trust us," Viki urged.
After a few moments, he abruptly released his sister, and she walked slowly away from him. She took a deep breath … and so did Tim.
"Okay," Tim said. "Let me call Bo, then."
Viki held her hand out to Todd, "Come and sit, let's drink some water. Come on, honey … come on."
He shook his head, no. "Get me clothes. Real clothes and my boots … and, and get Brandy. Get her here, okay? And … uh … you tell Téa … that I'll come back for her. That … um … I love her."
He started to cry and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, letting out a small whimper, and Viki walked up to him at that, holding him in her arms. And he let her.
"We love you, too," she said, "don't you forget that. You're not alone in this … remember?"
He nodded hard. Then eased away from her. Cleared his throat and walked into the room to sit on the bed. He tapped his foot nervously as Tim hung up the phone. Tim looked at Viki sadly and then at Todd, sighing.
"Bo's on his way. You might just get your wish, kiddo. You might just get your wish."
"Good … that fucker isn't going to know what hit him."
To be continued….