*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!*
I wake up in a cold jail cell early in the morning, my head pounding, my heart broken and my mind hoping that everything the night before was a bad nightmare but I look at my cuts and scrapes, feeling the impact of the crash as I try to stand up it's all real. Everything happened last night and my life is forever changed. I haven't heard anything about Kennedy because no one is giving me information. I tried calling Renee the night before to come bail me out but she never answered the phone so I just left her a message. She must be really upset with me and I don't blame her. I was an ass about the whole baby situation. As I look back none of it was worth what it led to. It was a mistake, a stupid mistake and there's no going back now. I killed the woman that gave me life.
"Ambrose," says the guard as he opens the cell door. "You're free to go."
"I'm free?" I ask as I stand up and look at him.
"Your bail is paid," he says, "come on let's go," he says as he lets me out. $9,000 later I'm free to leave. He directs me out of my cell and takes me to get my belongings that they took from me when they booked me. They hand me back my cell phone after I get dressed and my baseball cap as well as my wallet. I walk out into the lobby and am shocked to see Renee standing there.
"Renee," I say softly.
"Dean," she says as she comes over and hugs me. "What were you thinking last night? Drinking and driving that was stupid why were you even drinking that much especially with your alcohol problem. What were you thinking?" she asks me with the deep sadness and pain in her honey eyes. I can tell she's been crying. It breaks my heart that I have driven her to that. There's not much left of my heart to begin with but what's there is slowly breaking into pieces knowing she was crying.
"I didn't mean it," I say as I shake my head as I wrap my arms around her, tears burning my eyes. "I didn't mean it, Renee. It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it."
"No you shouldn't have," she says, "no life is worth drinking and driving, Dean. It's my fault because I pushed you to this point because I told you about the baby and I'm sorry."
"No, Renee it's not your fault. You didn't tell me to go get drunk and then drive. It's not your fault. It's my fault because I'm stupid. How is Kennedy do you know?"
"No one is giving me any information because I'm not family. I'm going to take you to the hospital to see her."
"Thank-you," I say as we walk out of the police station, her hand in mine as news reporters are everywhere. "How bad is it?" I ask.
"It's all over the internet," she says. "Vince and Hunter have been calling all morning."
"I figured," I say, "but I can't worry about that right now. I need to worry about Kennedy."
"I'm taking you to her right now," she says, "I hope she's okay. Every time I call the hospital they refuse to give me information. I tried to get you some information. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," I say as we drive to the hospital. I have no idea what is going to happen now, I can't even think about that. I'm just worried about Kennedy and how she's doing. If something is wrong with her that will change her life forever I will never forgive myself. Kennedy is my life she is everything to me. She is what I have left after Saige. It has been us for the last two years. She brightens up my whole day. Every time I'm away for a few days I miss her like crazy but when I get home to feel those little arms around my neck and to hear her little laugh makes my entire day. I love our daddy and daughter time together. I love being with her. I love watching her grow and love watching her just be Kennedy. The greatest gift in my life is Kennedy Saige and if I destroyed her life I will never be able to live with myself. I already hate myself for taking my mom's life away because of one stupid choice. It's not fair. It should have been me that died not my mom, not the woman that gave birth to me, raised me and supported my dreams. The car ride to the hospital is done in silence as I look out the window, keeping hold of Renee's hand, praying that everything is okay with Kennedy.
When we arrive at the hospital they send us to the children's wing of the hospital where they tell us Kennedy is. We make it to the children's wing and I stop to talk to the receptionist. "Hey, I'm Dean Ambrose, Kennedy Ambrose's father can I see her?"
"Yes," she says standing up. "She's in room 303."
"Thank-you," I say as Renee and I sign in as visitors as the receptionist hands us each a pass. We make our way to 303 to see Kennedy. I breathe a sigh of relief as I walk into the room to see her sitting up playing with her grandfather. She looks fairly happy for being in a car accident. Her arm is in a sling and I can see where she got stitches but other than that she looks good. It makes me happy to know that she's alive and well and nothing more tragic happened to her.
"Daddy," says Kennedy with a smile as she spots me as Renee and I are standing in the door watching her play with her grandpa. "Where were you, Daddy? I was asking for you."
"Daddy was away for a little bit," I say, "but I'm here now," I say as I start to make my way over to her to give her a hug and a kiss as Saige's mom and dad look at each other. Elena comes toward me, stopping me from going to see Kennedy. "I just want to see her."
"Maybe we should talk in the hallway," she says.
"Fine," I say as we go into the hallway. Renee stays in the room to see Kennedy while I go to talk to Elena.
"You have a lot of nerve showing up here," she says.
"Excuse me? That's my daughter. I have every right to be here," I say.
"You're the one that put her here," she says, "you could have killed her last night, Dean. You could have killed your own daughter."
"But I didn't. I know what I did was stupid and it was wrong. I'm never going to do it again. I want to go see my daughter."
"I don't think it's a good idea," she says. "You put her in the hospital. After last night I don't think you're capable of caring for her."
"What does that mean?" I ask as I cross my arms.
"It means we are going for full custody of her. We don't think she's in a safe environment."
"You can't take my daughter away from me," I say.
"We have every right," says Elena. "She is our biological granddaughter and while she may be your daughter you put her in danger last night when you crashed into their car. You were driving under the influence. She's not safe with you."
"First of all, Elena, it didn't even happen like that. Yes I was drinking under the influence but I had no idea I was going to crash into my mother's car. I had no idea whatsoever. You act like I did it on purpose. I know the law. I did not endanger my child. It's not like she was in the car with me you're going to have one hell of a time winning that case. Now let me see my daughter."
"No, Dean," she says, "you don't need to see her. I have already talked to my lawyer. He said we have a pretty good case here. You are not in the right place."
"It was one incident," I say, "it's not like I am out drinking every night. It happened one time. Just one fucking mistake. NO one is perfect, Elena," I say, "if you're telling me that one stupid mistake is going to get my daughter taken away from me you're crazy. I know what I did was wrong and I didn't mean to do it but you can't keep me away from MY daughter. I am her legal guardian now get out of my way."
"Dean," she says, "you're not seeing her."
"You don't have the right to tell me if I can and can't see my daughter."
"The hospital called us because you were in jail."
"Well, I am here now and I want to see my daughter."
"No, Dean," she says. "Not today."
"You know what, Elena whether you like it or not Kennedy is MY daughter. I have custody of her and I have every right to see her. If you want to play this game I can have you both taken out of here right now as her legal guardian and her father. You are not keeping me from my daughter and if you want to fight for her bring it on. Never at any time has Kennedy ever been in danger with me. It was coincidental that it was the car I crashed into that Kennedy was in it. It's not like I purposely put her in danger and no judge is going to see your side of the argument. Kennedy is happy and healthy. She is loved and she is safe. Never at any time have we put her in danger so good luck proving that one."
"You're an alcoholic, Dean."
"I'm not an alcoholic," I say.
"You were an alcoholic when you were with Saige and you're still one."
"I was over my alcohol addiction by the time Saige came into the picture. Last night was the first night in a long time I drank that much and it was stupid but listen to yourself, you're standing there trying to keep a loving father away from his daughter. You're going to upset her by keeping me from her and she will never forgive you for that."
"She's better without you, Dean. You talk about her being happy and healthy. She's traveling on the road with you. That's not healthy for a 6 year old and the fact you're gone most of the time is not a stable environment. What are you going to do now that you killed your mother? You have no one to take care of Kennedy when you're not in town."
"Damn it, Elena, I'm thinking about one thing right now and that's Kennedy. Fuck my job and fuck you," I say before I push passed her to get in the room to see my daughter, no one and I mean NO one is going to keep me from my daughter. "Kennedy," I say as I walk in the room to see her playing with Renee as well. Renee smiles at me as I make my way over to Kennedy. I wrap my arms around her as she wraps one of hers around me and I take in the scent of her mango shampoo as I hug her. I kiss the top of her head. "I love you so much, Kennedy," I say with a smile. "Daddy didn't mean it. I'm sorry."
"Daddy," she says hold onto her celebrating the fact she is still alive and there is no permanent damage done to her. "You're hugging me too tight."
"I'm sorry," I say as I pull away and look into her beautiful blue eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, Daddy," she says with a nod. "I just have a broken arm and I got stitches. The nurse said I was a trooper. Where were you last night?"
"Daddy had to spend some time in jail. I made a big mistake and I went to jail."
"You hit us didn't you?"
"Yes, Kennedy," I say, "I didn't mean to and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
"It's okay, Daddy," she says as Elena comes into the room. "Where is Grammy?" she asks.
I look around at everyone in the room and everyone's face says it all. Kennedy doesn't know about my mom. "Did you have fun with Grammy last night?" I ask.
"Yeah, we went to get ice-cream before the car accident. I haven't seen Grammy where is she?"
"Kennedy," I say taking her hand. "Guys, can I have a minute with her?"
"Sure," they say together as they all make their way out of the room. I need this time alone with Kennedy to talk to her.
"Kennedy, Grammy didn't make it last night."
"She didn't make it?" she asks. "Did she die like Mommy did?"
"Yes," I say, "Grammy is an angel with Mommy now."
"I don't want Grammy to be dead," she says as her bottom lip trembles and tears fill her blue eyes. "I don't want her to be dead, Daddy. I love my Grammy. I want to see Grammy!"
"Honey," I say, "I'm sorry but Grammy is an angel with mommy now," I say with tears in my eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"Daddy," she says as she crawls toward me before she climbs into my lap as I sit on the side of her bed. I hold her in my arms as she cries hysterically as I cry with her. The guilt and pain is indescribable. I can't describe how bad it hurts. "I love her I want her to come back."
"Me too," I say as I run my fingers through her hair. "I want her to come back too."
Kennedy and I cry for a little bit longer and we do our best to console each other. I hold her in my arms as she cries telling me of all the fun stuff they did before everything changed. They had gone for ice-cream and were heading back to my mom's house to have a movie night to watch Happy Feet one of Kennedy's favorite movies. They had spent the evening playing with dolls and coloring together. There was no doubt about it my mom loved Kennedy and she loved her. Kennedy is taking it really hard. It's like Saige all over again. All this little girl knows is heartbreak and losing the people she loves. I will NOT let Elena keep me from her life to be another person she loses in her life just like I wouldn't keep Elena from Kennedy. My mom has been helping me raise Kennedy for the last couple years so their relationship was very close. She was like a mom to her. "I'm really sorry, Kennedy. I didn't mean to do this. I really didn't."
"Daddy," she says as she reaches up and touches my face, wiping my tears away with her little hand. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you. Don't cry, Daddy."
"My heart hurts, Kennedy," I say through my tears.
"Mine does too but it's okay. We have each other and we have mommy too. We'll be okay. Grammy and Mommy are probably watching us right now telling us not to cry," she says making me smile. "Everything is going to be okay. I'm sad, Daddy."
"Your Grammy would be so mad at me for what I did."
"Grammy would forgive you, Daddy because she loves you. I don't know what you did but it was an accident. You didn't mean it."
"I didn't mean it but I shouldn't have done what I did."
"It's okay, Daddy," she says as she reaches up and kisses my cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too," I say with a smile before I kiss her forehead.
"Does your heart still hurt, Daddy?' she asks me.
"Yes," I say, "it's going to hurt for a while. Listen, Kennedy, I love you and in the next few days you're going to hear a lot of things about Daddy some of them true and some of them lies but I always want you to come ask Daddy about it. Daddy did something really bad and I might have to take a time out and leave you for a little bit but know I'm always going to be there for you."
"I don't want you to leave me, Daddy," she says. "Please don't leave me."
"I'll do what I can but I might have to go away for a while. Okay?"
"Okay, Daddy," she says sadly as the doctor comes into the room.
"Mr. Ambrose," he says.
"Yes," I say. "is everything okay with Kennedy?"
"All the test results came back good. There is not permanent damage. She got really lucky this time. If it weren't for her booster seat her injuries could have been a lot worse. Her humorous bone was broken from the impact of the crash so she'll be in a cast for 6-8 weeks depending on how it heals. She picked out a really pretty blue cast, didn't you, Sweetie?"
"Uh huh," she says with a smile as she shows me her cast and I smile at her. "Can I go home with my daddy?" she asks.
"I'm getting to that, Ms. Ambrose," he says with a smile. "She did have a cut on her head from a piece of glass. We got the glass out of her scalp and she got 10 stitches. She'll have to get them removed in a week or so. She did very well with that too. She didn't even cry. When she arrived she was unconscious but shortly after she woke up. She was coherent, she knew who she was, where she was and the year it is. She kept asking for you. We did a CT on her to make sure everything was all right with her head and her brain. There were no injuries to her brain. She's a lucky little girl."
"She's a special one," I say with a smile. "Is she able to go home?"
"Yes," he says, "I am just going to have you sign the discharge papers; my nurse will bring them to you then she will be free to go."
"Thank-you," I say with a smile.
"You're welcome. You take care of that arm, Kennedy," he says with a smile, "you were a super patient," he says. "My nurses have a special gift for you because you were such an awesome patient," he says.
"Thank-you," she says with a smile before she gives him a high five.
"Take care and I'll see you in a week or so to have those stitches out and then to see how your arm is doing."
"Okay," she says with a smile.
"How did you get to be so brave?" I ask with a smile. "Especially while getting stitches?"
"I learn it from you, Daddy," she says with a smile.
After a few minutes the nurse brings in the discharge papers for me to sign as well as a little gift basket for Kennedy because she was such a good patient. It is filled with coloring books, crayons, markers and puzzle books. She loves it. I sign the papers for discharge and thank Renee for bringing her a change of clothes so I can change her out of the hospital gown that she's in before we leave. Security takes us out of the hospital shielding us from the public as well as the reporters trying to get information on the situation. I just hate that they are in our business at one of our most crucial times as a family. They just need to back off and give us our space to heal and deal with the situation.
A COUPLE HOURS LATER:
"Elena is trying to take Kennedy from me," I say to Renee as we are in the kitchen while Kennedy is in her playroom playing with Elsa.
"Why would she do that?" she asks.
"Because I'm a bad father, I almost killed my daughter in a car accident," I say.
"That doesn't make you a bad father. I have never seen a father love their daughter the way you love Kennedy. Anyone can see that. She is your entire world. What you did was stupid yes but it's not like you knew you were going to crash into their car. That was pure coincidence," she says, "it's not like you plotted to do that."
"Well, according to Elena I'm an alcoholic and Kennedy isn't safe in my care and if I go to jail without my mom Elena and her husband have all the rights to Kennedy while I'm in jail."
"We don't know if you're going to jail yet. You need to meet with your lawyer first to see if you can take a plea. I was up searching this stuff. As long as your blood alcohol level was under the legal limit you should be okay and will just get a reckless driving charge and first time DUI offenses the punishment for injury or death of another person isn't severe. Although I think you're dealing with punishment enough. I can't imagine the pain and guilt you're feeling. That's something you're going to deal with the rest of your life. I would think that's worse than any amount of time in jail."
"We'll see what happens there. I hope not to get a long sentence but I did kill someone under the influence of alcohol. I could be gone up to 20 years."
"I don't think it would be that bad that's why I'm saying talk to your lawyer and come up with a plea. If you plead guilty maybe you'll get a lesser sentence. I don't really know. I'm just speculating. Are you okay after everything?"
"I'm numb," I say, "I'm really numb. I hurt so bad inside knowing I'm responsible for my mother's death. I hurt so much I'm numb. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive myself. I killed my mom, Renee. I could have killed my daughter. Elena is right I don't deserve to be a father."
"Elena is just upset right now. She didn't mean it. You have never done anything to hurt Kennedy nor would you ever. It was an accident. What you did was stupid but it was an accident. It's going to hurt for a long time. I know. It's going to be a pain that is going to take time to heal. You should consider going to talk to someone about your feelings."
"I don't want to go to some shrink, Renee."
"You might need one. You are going to feel guilty and you're going to hurt. There are feelings that you're going to feel that you're going to need to talk to someone about that can help you."
"I'm not going to a shrink," I say.
"Okay," she says, "but you know the option is always there."
"If I go to jail I want you to take care of Kennedy for me. I don't want her going with Elena. I like Elena but I don't want her to have full control of her."
"You want me to take Kennedy if you go to jail?"
"Yes," I say, "I'm going to talk to my lawyer about that and see if there's any type of paper I can draw up. In fact, I think there may be. I'll make you her legal guardian so that you can keep her while I'm away. I think she would do better with you."
"Okay," she says, "but we don't know if you're going to jail yet but I will do that for you."
"Thank-you," I say, "I have to do the best thing for Kennedy. I can't believe this shit, Renee. I really can't. I'm such an idiot."
"You're not an idiot," she says. "You made a mistake. You're not a bad person for it either. I don't agree with you drinking and driving but it's not like you do it all the time. It's going to take some time to heal but we're going to get there, Dean. I'm here for you through it all. I'm not leaving your side."
"Thanks," I say as I wrap her up in my arms and kiss the top of her head.
"I cancelled my doctor's appointment today. I hope you don't mind but I scheduled it for tomorrow afternoon."
"Renee, I don't have time to worry about that. I killed my mom but I still have to make arrangements for her funeral and get everything situated there and I have to worry about Elena trying to take Kennedy from me. I don't have the time to worry about that baby."
"Well, Dean you need to find time to worry about this baby because I'm keeping it. I'm not getting rid of it and this pregnancy is not going away. It's here and we have to deal with it sooner or later. You can keep trying to run from it and avoid the truth but the truth is it's real we're having a baby whether we're ready or not. I didn't ask to get pregnant just like you didn't ask for me to get pregnant but you told me whatever happens happens and we would deal with it when the time comes if it does well guess what Dean it's that time and we need to deal with this. I know you're upset and I'm sorry. It's not like I missed a pill on purpose or anything. I was doing everything I was supposed to. It just happened. I don't know why it happened but it did and you and I have to deal with it. We're a team on this. You're the father. I need you to support me in this just like I'm supporting you in your time of need. I need you too."
"Renee," I say, "I'm not trying to run from anything. I'm scared. I'm scared to have another baby. I'm not ready to be a dad again."
"I'm scared too but we have to deal with this at some point."
"I know," I say. "I'm sorry that I was so upset about it last night. I shouldn't have been. We'll do this together. I want to be there but I'm just scared."
"Me too and we'll be scared together but we can do this. You're already a great father to Kennedy and she is loved so much that I know you'll love this baby just the same. You'll be just as amazing of a father to it as you are to Kennedy."
"I hope so," I say, "I'm really sorry, Renee, I shouldn't have left like I did. I just got scared and I ran. I can't run from it you're right. It's happening. I told you whatever happens, happens and it happened. We'll get through it together. I will be here as long as you let me."
"I will let you be here. I want you to be here. I need you, Dean."
"I'm here," I say. "I'll be at the appointment tomorrow. Kennedy said everything is going to be okay."
"It will be," says Renee, "eventually. It's going to get worse before it gets better but eventually everything is going to get better and be okay. We'll be okay and we'll get through all of this together." I wrap my arms around her as she wraps her arms around me again. And I just hold her in my arms as she does the same to me. I feel at home, I feel at peace with her. She's everything I need right now along with my little girl. We'll get through this together but like she said it's going to take some time but we'll get there.
*A/N: What do you think of Elena trying to take Kennedy from Dean? Does she have the right to do that to him? Does she have a chance of winning that fight? What do you think is going ot happen with Dean's job after all this? What are your thoughts on Dean can you feel his pain and guilt? What did you think of his time with Kennedy in the hospital? Does she seem like a child taht should be away from her dad? What do you think of Dean making Renee Kennedy's legal guardian if he goes to jail? What did you think of Renee putting Dean in his place over the baby? Are you glad Dean wants to be there for the baby and is accepting it now? Is everything going to be okay? Please review and thank-you for reading.