-AARON & JACKSON-
– DESIRE –
"He's Not Coming Back Is He?"
Jackson,
By the time you read this you'll have probably noticed some of my stuff is missing. Sorry I had to go, If I'd have stayed I would have been hurt more and I would have hurt him to what point I don't really know, and you would of hated me, well you might already do but I don't know. I just did what I thought I had to, but my mum, she didn't believe a word, like we thought. She chose Carl, I had to leave.
I don't know how long I'll be away but I just have to keep away, sort my head out. I'll call you in a few days, if you don't want anything to do with me then that's fine, nobody else does. But whatever happens from now just please know that I do love you, and I'm sorry for not listening.
All my love Aaron xxx
Jackson's jaw was clenched, his free hand in a fist, he turned and walked out of the room with the letter in his hand, tears filling his eyes as he walked. He left Smithy and stormed down to the pub. His entrance a moment later was very noticeable to the drinkers inside, he pushed the door open with force so that it hit off the wall, anger filled his expression and it was clear to see. Everyone was looking at him. Hazel frowned and watched her son. "Jackson love? What's wrong?"
Jackson turned to look at her briefly, then back at the bar, his jaw clenched tight shut, his breathing heavy and his heart was pounding in his chest. "Any normal parent wouldn't choose their fiancé over their child!" he spat.
Chas rolled her eyes. "It wasn't like that, I hardly had chance to reply"
"Silence speaks volumes!"
"Hey!" Carl intervened.
"And you can stay away from me while you're at it"
Carl leaned in. "Just watch it"
Jackson sniggered and shook his head.
"What is this about Jackson?" Chas asked.
Jackson raised his arm and slammed his hand down onto the bar which was holding the letter; he glared at her and slid it across the bar to her. "He's gone!" he told her loudly. "That's what this is about!" every part of his body was shaking, and tears streamed down his face. "And it's because of him!" Jackson spun around and pointed at Carl.
Carl shrugged and looked innocent. Typical of him.
Jackson walked away his head lowered as he walked for the doors and left the bar. Hazel and Paddy immediately got up and followed him.
...
"Jackson!" Hazel shouted. "Slow down love"
Jackson did as asked and stopped several metres in front of them, he wiped his eyes as he waited he glanced around the village. It felt empty, he felt empty.
"A-A-Aaron's gone?" Paddy stuttered the word and frowned in confusion.
Jackson nodded. "Don't know where he is, don't know if he's coming back" he shrugged, he couldn't hold it in any longer, he turned away then looked back at his mum and his face scrunched as his emotions fully came now and he let out a sob.
Hazel's heart broke; she hated seeing Jackson in a state like this. Paddy watched on sympathetically and he placed his hand on his shoulder as he received a hug from Hazel. "Come on let's get you into the house" she told him quietly and he allowed her to lead him up to the cottage. Paddy walked alongside.
...
Weeks and eventually months went by. Aaron did not get into contact after a few days like what was promised to him in the letter. In the days since Aaron left, Jackson went to work, paid his share of the bills for Smithy, he never thought of himself as soft and dependent but the ache in his heart for Aaron was immense and he missed him badly, each night he cried himself to sleep and began the same monotonous routine once more when he woke to a new day, another day of worrying about him, another day of not knowing where he was, another day of wondering if he'd forgotten about him, another day of wondering if he didn't love him anymore, another day of no Aaron in his life. How he needed him, well it was plain to see by anybody.
Paddy heard his cries sometimes but chose not to bring up it, Jackson was in his privacy in his room, knowing he'd heard might make him think he didn't have any because he certainly did, but most of all he didn't want to embarrass him. Not that it probably would get a reaction. Jackson was depressed and lonely, despite the people around him, around for him. Paddy missed Aaron too, he wanted him home so much, and the days of never ending fretting would never stop. Two months now, two months and not a word. It saddened them all; well bar one.
It was November the first now; Jackson sat up in his bed after dreaming Aaron had returned home and snuggled up to him in bed. He sighed, this happened most mornings, he should be surprised by now that it wasn't to be, but the hurt each time on the realisation that he still wasn't back was as bad as the first morning he dreamt that. He felt depressed instantly and cried. He eventually pulled himself together though and got out of bed and started the day. Usually he'd work but that was all he'd done every day since Aaron had left, even on the weekends he'd work but he chose not too today. Instead he left Smithy and walked.
Chas had tried to talk to Jackson a lot since Aaron left, but he didn't have the time for her. He remembered when Paddy first saw Chas after the passing of the letter in the pub, he'd told Jackson he went into the back room and basically told her to open to her eyes. His temper and desperation in his words had even shocked himself but then he'd calmed and got her to listen and he then told her to just be careful and watch him, just on the off chance Aaron was right. She hesitantly agreed hating the fact Carl could do that. She wasn't convinced before Paddy's words but if Paddy got involved then it said something to her, after that she was a little more watchful and wary around him. Paddy just hoped she had finesse about her so that Carl didn't catch onto her. After a few months she told Paddy she didn't believe he was doing anything, she'd tried to call Aaron to tell him that herself but he didn't pick up – he never did, not to her not to anyone, as far as they knew anyway.
Jackson now sat on the steps at the pavilion; this was Aaron's place he looked around and breathed in the fresh air. He nodded definitely Aaron's place he thought. He saw Adam approaching; he hadn't seen him around much, four times over the last few months, if that. He smiled slightly at Adam as he was stood in front and then moved to sit next to him.
"I don't think I need to ask how you're doing" Adam commented with a slight smile.
Jackson shook his head. "Nah, how are you doing? Been a while since I saw you"
Adam nodded, he regretted that but he'd had a lot of thinking and sorting of himself to do. "Yeah sorry mate I should have been around more for you"
Jackson breathed in the cold air and shook his head; he placed his hand on Adam's leg. "Nah mate, you've got your own life" he looked at him and smiled as he lifted his hand away. "You miss him?"
Adam nodded. "Everyday" he told him quietly. "I miss him so much and I love him"
Jackson smiled, nodding. "Me too" he then looked at Adam and caught something in his eyes. "Y-you love him?"
Adam looked away, lowering his head in the process and he nodded. "Yeah"
"Since when?"
"Since I first saw him but I didn't realise until after that night camping, I want him but I can't so when he does come back you don't have anything to worry about" he told him. "I like both" he answered, knowing that was what Jackson was probably wondering too.
"Ahh, well I trust you mate" he told him. "And to be honest I'm not surprised you love him" he nudged him with his shoulder, now leaning closer. "I mean, what's not to love eh?"
"Apart from the attitude, scowls and temper" Adam smirked, looking at Jackson.
"Lovable all the same" Jackson told him, and then he caught his breath and placed his hand to his mouth, his emotions catching him off guard. "I-I'm sorry" he closed his eyes, feeling the familiar burn behind his eyelids as the tears filled.
Adam put his hand on Jackson's arm. "It's alright, just let it out"
Jackson began to cry. "H-he's not coming back is he?" he wept and put his head in his hands.
Adam pulled him into a hug, soothing him, or at least trying too. He kept his communication with Aaron secret, he was fine and he was still in the country, he'd rented a house up north, Newcastle area, he hadn't gotten a job, who needed too with millions in the bank. Aaron had actually helped Adam a lot over the months, helped him overcome his fears of being bisexual, but Adam didn't think Aaron knew how much of a help he was. They'd talk about everything on the phone, and he did ask about Jackson. But when Adam asked when he'd return that's when Aaron seemed to clam up all the time until recently anyway, Aaron gave an answer, all he said was soon. But when was soon? For his mum's wedding? God he hoped so. There was however a hint of regret in his tone when they talked, regret of leaving, acting the way he did but Adam sensed he was scared to come back in case Jackson didn't want him anymore. He'd only know the answer if he got himself back to the village. But now holding the emotionally wrecked Jackson in his arms, Aaron had nothing to worry about and he'd tell him that. Jackson seemed to cling onto him for dear life. "He will mate he will. Soon...soon...shh it's alright" he comforted him.
TBC...