A/N: Hey, hey, hey everybody! I think people are going to like this chapter - or really hate it, but I do think their will be very opinionated responses. I love it, think its great but that's just me. A lot of ground in covered in this chapter, which I'm sure you've all been waiting for.

Voting has officially ended for The Razzle Dazzle Awards and The Sparkle Awards, so I just wanted to deeply thank each and every reader who nominated/voted for me. It means so much. The Razzle Dazzles winners have already been announced and while I didn't get it, I'm still excited to have even been involved. So thank you so, so much - all of you.

Disclaimer: Would you believe me if I said I owned it? Yeah, didn't think so.

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to everyone who voted for me in the awards and also to GinaN.B and yay4shanghi for recc'ing me in their A/N's. They're both amazing authors, so go check out their work if you haven't already.

In Which There is Both Groping and Engaging. Oh, and Waiting.

love just is, whatever it may be
love just is, for you and me
nothing less and nothing more
i don't know what i love you for

- hilary duff, love just is

-

I pulled back from Jacob's mouth a little breathlessly.

I took a second to wrap my mind around it. As always, I was never sure why, but I liked it. A lot.

"Really?"

Jake's eyes looked a little ashamed as he looked back at me.

"Y-yeah," he said quietly. "Is that . . . okay?"

"Of course it is, Jake," I said, leaning in to kiss him. I felt most of the tension drain from his body. "But I never would have guessed . . . I mean, you've never even touched me there."

"I know," he mumbled, turning even pinker. I didn't think it could possibly be this endearing for him when I blushed. "That was kind of intentional."

Several things made sense at once.

Why Jake was always red-faced after I swung into the backseat to grab something, for instance. Or why he always got so stuttery when I crawled across his lap to put something on the nightstand.

I knew Jake looked at me, thought about me like that, but never in that context. That kind of detail, focused on a particular body part. It filled me with a strange rush of power. I thought for a second about Jake, how my eyes followed him wherever he went, how my gaze was always raking over his body.

I thought about Jacob that day in the shower, the outline of his body and later when he came out with the towel wrapped tight around him. I leaned in until my lips just brushed his ear. I could feel my face heating up already and I hadn't even spoken yet.

"It's okay, Jake," I forced myself to whisper. "I like yours too."

Jacob let out a half-nervous, half-relieved exhale that was almost a laugh.

"That's good to know," he chuckled as I moved my hands from over his to his face, pulling him in for a kiss. Almost as soon as our lips came into contact, Jacob's hands slid up, until they were away from where we both knew he wanted them to be and resting just above my hips. I pulled back.

"Any particular reason why you did that?" I tried to ask as casually as I could manage. I wanted to be kissing him again, and I was a little frustrated that things kept distracting me from that.

"I just don't want you to think I'm . . . perverted or anything," he finally confessed. "I don't want – "

"Jacob, you're not perverted," I burst out, cutting him off. "You just – I can't believe you – "

I didn't have words, so I just reached back and grasped Jacob's hands, shoving them back down to where they were before.

"You can touch me wherever you want, Jake," I said, quieter than before and Jacob groaned a little. I blushed when I realized how it sounded. Well, there was no going back now. "I mean it. Anywhere. I don't want you to feel bad about it."

Jacob was looking at me with that face that I knew meant he was about to cut off what I was saying, stop listening. His hands stayed passive against me, resting, just barely touching. I pressed my fingers into the spaces between his and pushed, urging him to grip on. He complied for a second and a wave of desire rushed through me. I rolled my hips.

Jacob's eyes widened. He gripped a little harder with his left hand and caressed me with a warm thumb that I could feel through my panties and shirt.

"Does that . . . feel good?"

"Yes," I said, a little breathlessly. I looked him straight in the eye so he couldn't doubt me. "Everything you do to me feels good. You're not the only one that never wants to stop when you touch me."

Jake nodded a few times, like he was trying to convince himself, and then he leaned in and kissed me. It was soft and hesitant, but he kept his hands where they were, his fingers moving up and down slightly. The ache between my legs intensified and I pulled myself against Jacob harder, until our pelvises were pressed firmly together.

As I moved with the kiss, my breasts brushed Jacob's chest and even through the shirt, it sent a shock through me. Not fully aware of making the decision to do so, my hips rolled slightly, a small but insistent movement that rubbed me against Jacob in exactly the right way. Jacob and I groaned at the same time and I felt him begin to stir against me – my stomach tensed in glorious anticipation.

"Are you oka – "

"I'm fine," I cut him off hurriedly, pressing my lips and my pelvis back against him. "I promise I'll stop you if I'm not."

"I know – " Jacob said, a little breathlessly as our kisses and touches gained momentum. He hardened against me a little more. "I just – I didn't know if it – bothered you or – "

"It doesn't bother me," I promised, pressing fluttery kisses along his jaw. I reached behind him and planted my hands on his back, the muscles in them wide and strong and hot beneath my fingers. I had another idea. "Here – I'll just, let me – "

But Jacob's hands against me and his body underneath me wasn't helping my eloquence in the least. I rolled my hips again and Jacob pressed his hips back into mine, using his hands to hold my body in place. Maybe it was because it was what I was planning on doing anyway and my guard was already down, but the connection between us burst open.

I didn't bother to try and close it or tone it down, but for the first time in a very long time I just funneled my emotions straight. I didn't send Jacob anything, no pictures or images, made no effort on my part. I just left it open, pressing my lips firmly against Jacob's and pressing myself against him with abandon and let him feel it all. And what I was feeling now was pure, unadulterated lust.

Jacob inhaled loudly against my mouth and his hands slid forward to my hips and stilled me. My eyes fluttered open, disappointed. I felt the threat of angry tears begin to well up in my throat – I thought showing Jake would help him understand, but it seemed to have the opposite affect. Would there ever be a day when we didn't have to stop?

"Nessie," he said breathlessly, pulling his head back to see my face better. "That's – is that – "

"How I feel," I told him, trying to swallow the lump in my throat to no avail. "All the time. Every time you touch me and I can't stand it and I don't know what to do about it."

"I – wow," he said, dumbstruck. He was holding himself tightly. He shook his head as though to clear out his ears.

And because, despite how frustrated and close to tears I was, I couldn't stand the thought of Jacob being upset or unwell, I asked, "Are you okay?"

"It was just – " Jacob's eyes cast down between our bodies as he searched for words. "Intense. Your feelings and mine, together. And yours are so strong. Stronger than before, even."

"Well, before, the last time I showed you, I wasn't in such . . . compromising positions on a daily basis."

"I'm sorry, Ness," he told me, and I shook my head a little frantically. I leaned in and kissed him quickly, trying to pull myself back close again.

"No, no, it's okay, Jake," I murmured against his lips, trying to pick up where we left off. I tried to shift my body up so Jacob's hands would slide back down but he wouldn't cooperate. "I just wanted you to know – "

"No," Jacob corrected, pulling back from my lips softly. He held my hips more firmly in place, stopping their movement entirely. The crying feeling was back. My body was weeping for relief. I didn't know how to achieve it but I knew the path to finding out was the one Jacob kept stopping in its tracks every time we took a step forward. "I'm sorry that we have to stop now. I – I know now how . . . hard it is for you, but I – can't now. Your feelings just then, it's . . . it's too strong. I still feel it. We have to stop."

My body had the first reaction, crying out silently in dissatisfaction. The next was disappointment. I felt sulky, resentful. I felt childish for feeling that way, but unable to reel it in. I pulled away from Jacob and climbed off of him without waiting for his instruction.

I saw his hand reach out for me in my peripheral, but I ignored it. I threw myself onto my stomach on the bed in the opposite direction of him and grabbed the remote, flicking on the television. I felt my shirt ride up and cool air rush across my thighs but I didn't bother to pull it down.

If Jake bent at the right angle, he could probably see my panties but I didn't care. I didn't care if Jake saw and actually, considering today's revelation, I hope the sight gave him a hard time. Literally.

I was surprised by the meanness of my thoughts, but I still couldn't halt them. I was more frustrated than I had ever been in my life – I wanted to cry and there was nothing I could do about it. Jacob could fix his problem with a few quick minutes in the shower but I was stuck in the worst/best combination of heaven and hell I'd ever experienced.

"Nessie," Jake started, sounding a little frustrated himself. "I didn't mean you couldn't touch me. I just meant – "

"I know what you meant," I cut him off, not looking at him. I tried to keep my tone as polite as I could, but it was hard. "But it's too hard. I can't just – sit and hold your hand."

Jacob exhaled softly and I felt the bed shift as he moved, got closer. "C'mon, Ness. Don't get upset."

"I'm not upset," I denied, but my voice went up on the word so it came out weird. And like the lie it was.

Jacob's warm fingers touched the back of my knee and I jumped. He skated his fingers up a little and then back down, and I used every bit of self-possession I had to act like I couldn't care less. Like I didn't want to turn over and pull him on top of me and not stop until I felt better.

"Come on, honey, please," Jacob persuaded and I fought against the urge to feel bad. "Can't we just – do you wanna watch TV or something?"

"I'm watching TV," I told him, my eyes still glued to the screen though I couldn't have told you what was playing. I lifted the remote as if it was proof. I changed the channel.

"I mean with me."

"You're with me, Jake," I returned. "I'm here, you're here, we're stuck in this room. We're both watching TV."

"I'm taking a shower," Jacob said abruptly, and I felt the bed move as he got up. I forced myself to keep my eyes on the screen. Then, just before he pulled the door to, I heard him say, "We can go out when I'm done if you want. I didn't know you saw it as being stuck with me."

I immediately felt like the hugest bitch on the planet. I wanted to run after him and beg for forgiveness, but a second later the shower cut on and I knew I couldn't. Tears welled up and spilled over this time.

I had hurt Jake. Intentionally aimed with the intent to wound and hit my target. I was sick. Who did that? Who did that to someone they loved? Jacob was just looking out for . . . us, me especially. I told him I trusted him to stop when he needed to and he did. And we were . . . progressing. Much more lately.

I was just so frustrated though and it wasn't fair. I couldn't even fully enjoy kissing Jacob anymore because my brain was so busy plotting the next move. My body needed more. Not wanted, needed. But did that mean sex? I wasn't sure.

And if I was, would Jake agree?

God, and his voice had sounded so hurt. I knew without a doubt that Jacob loved me more than anyone else in the world and I had basically just told him I'd rather be anywhere besides with him. 'Stuck here', was what I said. Stuck here.

I was such a fucking liar. To make it sound like there were other places I would rather be besides here. I couldn't think of one. Despite the fact we were separated from our family and our home and were on the run from psycho vampires, there was nowhere else I'd rather be.

I just wanted Jake. All the way, all the time, in a hundred thousand different ways. Why was I trying to make it sound otherwise?

I crawled back up to the head of the bed and burrowed under the covers. I kicked the sticky towel from earlier to the ground and grabbed Jake's "undershirt". I wasn't sure why, but I pressed my nose into it and inhaled deeply, taking in his scent as deep as I could. It hurt, since all the smell reminded me of was Jake and all I could think of was what I had said. More tears spilled over onto the pillow that smelled of him too.

I promised myself that I would throw myself at his feet and beg for forgiveness as soon as he emerged from the shower, but I didn't. I was so ashamed of myself I couldn't move; I couldn't even face him. I was such a coward that I pretended to be asleep.

After a few seconds, I felt the air around me warm as Jacob grew close. The darkness behind my eyelids increased and I knew he was standing over me.

"Damn it, Ness," I heard him whisper, and it took my brain a second to realize that it was probably because he had seen the tears on my cheeks and eyelashes. I wanted to reach up and swipe at them, but I knew that would give me away.

Never mind that it was ridiculous to be asleep since we'd just woke up three hours ago, the mattress shifted again as Jacob sat down. I felt a burst of cool air and then heat as he crawled under the covers beside me. Jacob settled himself just behind me, our bodies barely touching, and cautiously settled a hot arm across my stomach. I could tell he was holding most of his weight off, which must have been really uncomfortable and for whatever reason this touched me more than I could say.

I felt his lips against my shoulder then, through the shirt, pressing down. He didn't pull away, so it wasn't a kiss, just . . . presence. He was just there. There for me, like he'd always been.

I found my courage.

I shifted, slowly like I was asleep, and twisted in Jacob's arms. I realized when I felt something between my skin and Jacob's in some places that I was still holding his shirt. I forced my eyes open.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob," I whispered. I sounded so young, even to my own ears. "I'm so sorry that I said that to you."

"It's okay, Ness," Jacob absolved me. Of course he did. "I know it's hard . . . for most people, to spend all their time with one person."

"No!" I said, my voice still quiet but it was an exclamation compared with earlier. "No, Jacob, I didn't mean it. I was just so . . . frustrated, and that's no excuse, Jake, but that's what it was."

"Okay," Jacob said, but I could tell I had done some damage that would take awhile to undo. Not for forgiveness, but for Jacob to believe my words. Not know them, believe them.

"I just . . . want you so bad," I whispered, and felt my face flush. "I – I don't want to wait. I wish you wouldn't stop me."

"What are you saying, Ness?" Jake whispered back, and just like that I was confused again.

"I don't know." I settled for honesty as the best policy. "I just – I can't even – "

"What if I told you," Jacob said suddenly, his voice serious but quiet. "That I wanted to wait?"

I thought about that sentence. "To . . . ?"

Jacob nodded.

"What," I asked quietly, my stomach fluttering again, but with nerves this time. "Like until this is all over, or a year, or what?"

"Until . . . and I mean, if you agreed to of course, I don't assume that you . . . I won't assume that you even want to, but . . . "

"What, Jake?" I inquired as gently as I could, rubbing my cotton-covered fingers gently against his chest.

"Until we're married," Jacob choked out finally, and my heart stopped. "I mean, if you . . . if you – I'd be the luckiest guy in the world if you'd even consider it, but – "

"Married?" I asked, a little dumbly, my head still spinning. Jacob nodded, shy. "You . . . you want to marry me?"

Jacob's face changed, the arm around me gripping me tighter. "Of course I do, Ness. Nothing in the world could make me happier. If you'll have me, that is."

"I'll have you right now, Jacob Black," I swore, pulling up a little so I could see into his eyes better. "You really want me to be your . . . wife?"

Jacob leaned down and sort-of nuzzled my face a little. "More than anything."

"I want you to be my husband," I confessed, feeling my entire body flush with the pleasure at the prospect. "Ever since Grandpa Charlie's wedding. While you were dancing with me, I was wishing the whole time that it was us getting married."

Jacob let out a groan that was different from the ones he let out earlier today and yet still similar. He kissed my hair softly.

"Can I ask why?"

"Why?"

"You want to wait," I clarified.

"Oh," Jacob said, then appeared to be thinking for a moment. "I just . . . I guess imprinting makes you a conservative or something, but . . . I don't know, Ness. I just – okay, I know imprinting is stronger than that, but . . . with you, I love the idea that you're mine."

"I do too," I whispered back and Jacob's eyes got a little darker.

"I know this sounds caveman, but I want you to belong to me – and it goes both ways, I mean, I completely and utterly belong to you, but. Yeah. And – a husband, he's the one who – who protects and takes care of his wife and . . . he's the only one who gets to see her and touch her and – you see?"

"I think I do," I said, a smile warming on my lips from his words. I thought about something. "Don't laugh, okay, but the few times I ever thought about it, it never made sense to me."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean," I slid a little further up, pillowed my head on Jacob's other arm. "I never understood what the point of . . . getting married was if you'd already been sleeping together for years by then. Like you said, the whole point is that husbands and wives have privileges that unmarried couples don't. I guess I just never thought about it with us, you know how I am."

"So do you want to?" Jacob ducked his head a little, avoided my eyes. "Wait, I mean."

Besides Jacob, at that moment I'd never wanted anything more.

"I do."

There was a silence of about five seconds, and then I couldn't wait anymore. I was literally full to burst with happiness.

"So are we . . . engaged now?"

Even if I had any doubts, which I didn't, they would have been erased from my mind at the way Jacob's face brightened then. His body tightened and I could tell he was holding himself back, but not in the usual way.

"If you want to be," he said carefully, with just the right amount of smile. Like me, he was waiting to let the joy wash over him.

"So much," I whispered, my voice apparently back to not working. "I want it so much."

In the next instant, Jacob was on top of me, kissing every inch of my face over and over. I couldn't help but laugh out loud and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer until it was hard for him to pull back to deliver each new kiss.

"I – love – you – so – much," he told me between these joyful kisses. His heart was beating more erratically than mine. "I – don't – even – have – the words – to say – how much."

He finally kissed my lips once softly, pulled away quickly.

"When?" I asked once my mouth was free.

Please say soon. Please say tomorrow. Please say right now.

"As soon or as far as you want, Nessie, I swear I'm your slave," he said, kissing my neck now. I opened my mouth to reply but his only stipulation stopped me. "After this is done."

I could live with that, though. I would just have to be patient. I would just have to learn to deal with the frustration until we could be married and Jacob was my husband and we belonged to each other in every single way that it was possible to.

"I'll get you a ring," Jacob promised, another kiss landing just under my jaw. "As soon as I can. I don't want to use your parents' money – I've got a good bit, it's just all back in La Push."

"I don't need a ring," I assured him, kissing the corner of his head since it was the only thing my lips could reach. "You know me, you know how I am."

"Yeah," Jacob said, pulling back to gaze down at me and his sparkling eyes knocked the bottom of my stomach out. "I do. But I want to get you one, even if it's really simple. I dunno why, it's just – "

"A mark," I told him, nodding. I understood completely. "It's a mark that I'm yours, one that everyone sees. I want to get you one too."

"You're the only woman I'd ever wear jewelry for," Jacob told me, smiling until the room was so bright it hurt my eyes.

Woman. Every time Jake called me that my stomach jumped.

"I'd better be the only woman you'd do a lot of things for," I told him, faux-narrowing my eyes and attempting to sound threatening. Jacob's laugh rang out through the small room.

"Thousands of things," Jacob told me, leaning forward to brush our lips together. "Let me show you the first."

Coming up:

"All this stuff would be over with," Jacob said, after he had taken a moment to think. His warm fingers were winding themselves through my hair. "You would be safe and we would be married. And . . . I don't know, just . . . together. Maybe - later, in the future . . . "

He trailed off and I guessed at what he meant. "Do you want kids, Jacob?"

His face flushed pink. "Only if you do."

I took a second to study his face, to think about his words a few seconds ago. "That's not true."