Hey guys!
I know I´m not really posting a lot (like never) but I just had absolutely no inspiration and tbh the huge love I had for Grey´s kind of left me. I´ll try my best to get this story forward and to finish it because I don´t just want to end it like this. Anyway I hope you like this chapter even though it´s not really good.
lots of love
It is the competition that makes us go wild.
That brings out the animal in us.
It´s the competition that keeps us focused.
That lets us put all our anger beside.
"You sure you´re okay working with him?" April asked Jackson as they stood in front of the closed lab doors, watching Mark looking through a microscope. Since he found out about Lexie´s pregnancy he slept at April´s and drove to work with her every day.
"Yeah I´m good. I´m just trying to not let this stuff get to me." he replied with a fake smile and went into the room
We are focused. That´s good.
You can´t let things get the best of you when you are a doctor.
You need to follow the protocol.
But every now and then you do it your way.
"You okay?" Meredith looked down at her younger sister who was sitting by the table staring into her cup of tea. Lexie quickly nodded rubbing her forehead. It was deep dark at night when the two of them sat in the kitchen and talked about the younger ones pregnancy.
"So when did you find out?" Meredith asked sitting down on the opposite chair and Lexie sighed, still not looking up from her cup.
"About a week ago." she replied quietly with a soar voice.
"Does Jackson know? Or does he think it´s his?" the older sister grabbed her hand trying to spend some comfort and Lexie looked up to her eyes.
"Yes he does. I don´t know how but he found out. And he also knows it´s Mark´s...we actually never had..." Lexie cut off her sentence, the lump in her throat making it to hard for her to speak.
"So what you gonna do? You don´t seem happy about the baby." Meredith noticed by the looks on Lexie´s face.
"Well, I´m not thrilled to be honest. I am an intern. My career didn´t even start and I´m pregnant already? I don´t know what to do. I would never abort, and Mark seems so happy but...this whole situation with Callie being pregnant and us not even being a couple and my job...I don´t see any other way." Lexie explained looking down into her cup again.
"So you´re gonna get rid of it?" Meredith wanted to make sure she misunderstood but Lexie just shrugged.
"I don´t know. I went to Arizona last night and we talked and I will talk about it with Mark as soon as I know what to decide." she meant now taking a sip of the already lukewarm beverage and Meredith leaned back into her chair. It wasn´t fair. It wasn´t fair that she wasn´t able to get pregnant while other women would terminate their pregnancy.
We do our best when we are driven by the will to fight.
When all your senses are electrified by the will to win.
Doctors are very goal orientated.
We need to think through every possible outcome to prevent the worst.
But what can I say...we like to win.
Lexie sat on the bench in the intern´s locker room. Her mind was completely foggy and her thoughts absent. She knew she had to stay focused on her work or she would hurt someone or worse. But how could she? How could she stay focused when all she could think about was this little human growing in her stomach? Lexie took her ultra sound scan from last night out of her pocket. She told Arizona to print two, she felt uncomfortable telling Arizona about Mark being the father, when she herself expected a child from him in away. But her emotions got the best of her and she told the attending evrything. with being shocked at first, Arizona understood and wasn´t mad at her. Lexie shook her head to get the memories of last night out of her head. Convinced to tell Mark about her decision not to give birth, she stood up and went to the lab, she found out, he was working in. After a few knocks on the door she stepped in and wished she didn´t. Mark and Jackson both looked up at her and she couldn´t deny the pain she saw in Jackson´s eyes. Little did she know the two of them were still working together after all. Clearing her throat and taking a deep breath she asked Mark if she could speak with him outside. A few awkward looks between the three of them were exchanged, before Mark stood up and left the room with her, leaving Jackson behind.
"That was awkward." Mark meant exhaling loudly as if a ton of weight fell off his back but with a hinted smile.
"I have something for you." Lexie suddenly said and held the picture towards him, looking around if nobody was watching them.
"Is that?" Mark looked at the picture and then at her again as she nodded slightly and not as happy as he was. "Oh my god that´s...so wonderful. Lex, that´s...that´s incredible." he stared at the picture as he held it in his hands. All of his excitement made it harder and harder for her to tell him that she wanted an abortion.
"Mark there´s actually something I wanted to tell-" she started but he cut her off.
"Whatever it is, it couldn´t make me happier than this little peanut on the picture." he assured her and now she was sure she couldn´t tell him. "How about we meet tonight? We could discuss all the things and have a nice dinner." Mark suggested and tore Lexie out of her thoughts. He finally looked her in the eyes and noticed that they were filled with tears.
"Hey, what´s wrong?" he asked and came closer to put his hand on her shoulder, but she stepped back to signalize him not to.
"Nothing,..nothing." she wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek and faked a smile. "I have to go...rounds and stuff." Lexie continued while walking backwards. "I´ll come to yours tonight. Then we can talk about it...the pregnancy." she meant before walking away completely and leaving Mark rather surprised behind.
"Good morning." Teddy came across Arizona and Callie, smiling widely.
"Good...morning...? What is wrong with you?" Callie giggled and turned towards Teddy to look for any sign why the attending was so cheerful.
"Well, Henry and I admitted our feelings yesterday and we had amazing sex afterwards." Teddy explained and caused the couple to look suspicious.
"But he´s in the hospital. As a patient. With abdominal pain." Arizona wondered confused and Teddy shrugged.
"He felt way better then." she chuckled and so did Callie, but Arizona was still shocked about the news.
"So are you two official now? Like dating?" Callie asked and Teddy nodded.
"I guess so...I mean we skipped the dating part and immediately got married but..." both attendings laughed and Arizona just faked a smile. "Anyway, I was just on my way to him. He´s getting discharged today and I was going to drive him home. What are your plans tonight?" the cardiac-thoracic surgeon wanted to know still not smiling less than before breaking the news.
"Well, we are having a parenting night with Mark so.." Arizona meant less excited about it than she should be. Callie noticed Teddy´s confused look and started explaining.
"It was my idea. Since Arizona and Mark don´t get along very well I thought we would do a parenting night every other week to discuss things like names, kindergarten and stuff." she said followed by a fake smile from Arizona´s side. "Come on, it´s gonna be fun." Callie kicked in her side with her elbow to make her smile again, which she didn´t really do.
"Well, then have fun with your parenting night." Teddy replied happily before she walked away.
"And you with Henry." Callie let her know loudly after which Teddy turned around not stopping walking.
"I will." she winked and then continued her way to Henry´s room.
Meredith was riding the elevator with some other staff members, when they stopped at a floor and all left besides her. Instead of the others Derek came in and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek as a hello. He leaned against the wall, next to her and started talking about a procedure he was going to do on a pregnant woman when suddenly her sobs interrupted him.
"Mer,...Mer? Is everything alright?" he asked worried looking at her and grabbing her by her shoulders.
"No. No nothing´s alright. The universe is so cruel. It gives babies to women that don´t even want them. And it makes everything possible to not get me pregnant." she cried before falling into her fiancé´s arms, which immediately closed to a hug.
"What...What are you talking about? Who doesn´t want a baby?" he was confused and worried about what was going on. Meredith sniffed a few times pulling out of the hug but not looking up to Derek´s face.
"Lexie. She´s pregnant and I shouldn´t even tell you but...she doesn´t even want the baby and still is pregnant and all I get is more desperate." Meredith spilled the secret and Derek furrowed his eyebrows.
"Lexie is...does Jackson know?" he wanted to know shocked by what he just found out.
"No it´s...you shouldn´t know this I...I shouldn´t have told you..."
"Meredith what´s going on? Why is this such a secret?"
"It´s not Jackson´s. Lexie assured me she didn´t cheat on him but..." the resident has calmed down and could talk normally now but something in Derek´s face changed. He looked at her quite unable to believe.
"It´s...Mark´s?" he asked quietly, his voice almost shaking with what seemed to be anger. Meredith nodded almost unnoticeable followed by a noise made by the elevator which meant that it reached their destined floor and Derek stormed out of it as soon as it opened its doors.
Mark and Jackson were working in silence. Every now and then one looked at the other one awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Mark cleared his throat and reached out his hand as he still looked through the microscope.
"Tweezers please." he asked and Jackson put them into his palm. "So...are we cool?" he then asked after being silent for another minute.
"What?" Jackson didn´t expect him starting a conversation and was clearly surprised when Mark looked up from his work and into his eyes.
"Are we cool? Isn´t that what you kids say today? I mean with this whole situation...I can take another resident if you don´t want to work with me. It would be a loss though, you´re really talented." Mark explained and Jackson raised his eyebrows still not less surprised by what came out of the attending´s mouth. He of course was angry and hurt but also flattered that one of the best plastic surgeons thought he was good.
"Nah, I´m fine." he then replied when the shock went back.
"Good, then let´s change seats." Mark smiled at him and held the tweezers towards the resident.
"What?" Jackson asked again shocked and with raised eyebrows.
"Why are you so dull-witted today? Come on I want to see what you can do." he pressed the tweezers into his assistant´s hand and rolled back with his chair to make space for him. Jackson was just starting to look through the microscope when suddenly Derek interrupted them by storming into the room.
"Mark, a word." he meant harshly but Mark didn´t move.
"What? I can´t he´s working on a project under my supervision." Mark pointed on Jackson, who switched his gaze between the two surgeons.
"Avery is a good doctor, he can look through a microscope on his own. Now come!" Derek ordered and Mark went outside with him not really sure what to expect.
"How are you always doing this?" Derek asked scoffing and with a rather angry giggle.
"Doing what? Derek you are talking in riddles what is wrong?" Mark wanted to know now also talking harshly.
"How are you always destroying people´s lives as soon as you come into it?" Derek now asked more clearly but Mark still didn´t understand. "Lexie!" he screamed and then lowered his voice. "She was an innocent young girl who just started her career and as soon as she met you it ended. How can you two be parents, especially you. And how didn´t you tell me? Your best friend." Derek felt offended but so did Mark. They were on a bit of a rocky road since he first met Lexie, and every time Mark screwed things up in Derek´s eyes he got mad at him.
"I didn´t think you´d care. You didn´t seem excited about Callie being pregnant so I didn´t tell you now. Also it´s way too early. Lexie and I didn´t even completely realize what´s happening." Mark defended himself but Derek shook his head.
"You are unbelievable. I just wish you could think with your head for once and not your penis." he meant before he turned around and went back to where he was coming from. Mark looked down to his shoes. He was angry that Derek talked to him like that but he also knew that things were complicated. All he wanted now was to distract himself with work. A lot of work.
"Hey Alex it´s me. Again." Meredith was on her phone trying to reach her best friend but he wouldn´t pick up. "Listen, I know you are not in the mood to come to the hospital right now but Robbins has been asking me questions about your whereabouts and I no longer want to lie to her, saying that you´re sick when in real life you´re just trying to hide from the world. So please come back and help her do her work for the competition or she will find another resident. Alright, call me back when you hear this." she hung up continuing her walk through the hallway when Cristina joined her.
"Have you seen Teddy? I´ve looked everywhere, even paged her but she doesn´t react. We should meet up with Robbins to talk about our procedure for the competition but she is nowhere to be found." Cristina explained her debacle to Meredith who couldn´t really focus because the thoughts about Alex ran through her head.
"Maybe she has a patient or I don´t know maybe she´s with Henry." was the only response Cristina got from her person. "You think Alex will be fine? With Izzie and Denny being gone? I mean you think he will come back to the hospital where they fell in love and she almost died?"
"I´m not sure but if he wants to be a surgeon he has to come back eventually." Cristina replied dryly.
Derek was walking into the cafeteria as his stomach was growling. Just as he took an apple, he saw Lexie sitting by a table all by herself drinking from a juice box and looking at something.
"Hey you." he greeted her and she looked up and gave him a small smile. Derek sat down next to her and she quickly hid the little ultra sound picture she was looking at under a staple of books. "How are you?" Derek asked to her surprise. He now knew about her pregnancy and that she didn´t want that baby and that it was Mark´s but he didn´t want to hint it just now.
"Um..I´m good thanks. You?" she replied confused and he told her he was fine as well. For a moment it was quiet until Lexie cleared her throat and broke it.
"So, are you gonna do anything for the contest?" she asked politely and Derek nodded with a grin.
"Yes, I wanna compete with my Alzheimer´s study. Are you working on anything?"
"No, no...I didn´t get picked. But it´s fine really. I´ve got a lot on my mind right now with the exam at the end of the year and..." Lexie quickly stopped and cut her sentence off when Derek lifted his head in curiosity. "I´ve just got a lot to do right now."
"That´s too bad, I wanted to ask if you´d like to help me." Derek offered standing up and acting as if he was about to walk away.
"What? Seriously? I´m in. I mean I would love to if you let me." Lexie replied immediately and with a chuckle.
"But I thought-" Derek grinned and Lexie cut him off when she waved with her hand as if all she said before was over dramatically put.
"You kidding? I´ll always have time for a freaking competition." she smiled back and when Derek showed her to come with him, she quickly put the sonogram into her lab coat and took the books with her.
Cristina found herself in the library reading about some innovations in a cardiac-thoracic journal, when she came to a page about a surgeon, she knew all too well.
"Preston Burke! I admire his work. What did he do?" Teddy suddenly stood behind her smiling from one ear to another at the sight of a picture of the man.
"Um,…I don´t care." Cristina quickly turned over the page and tried to ignore the shocked gasp of her attending. Teddy put down the books about studies on heart surgeries on fetuses and sat down next to her favorite resident.
"You don´t care about Preston Burke? THE Preston Burke? And I thought you would admire someone as good as him as well."
"Well, it´s a long story." Cristina replied unconvincingly pretending to read another article.
"Is it because he worked here? What did you do? Scare him away like all the other cardiac-thoracic surgeons before me? Or did you embarrass yourself in front of him?" Teddy joked with a light chuckle.
"It´s…not important." Cristina still tried to avoid a conversation about her ex.
"But-" Teddy wanted to continue but the resident cut her off by smashing the journal in front of her.
"Here read about your idol yourself." She meant angrily before walking away.
The time passed too quickly and suddenly Mark found himself in his kitchen preparing a 3-course dinner for Lexie. He just put the tiramisu into the fridge when it knocked at his door.
"That´s too early? I told her to come in 30 minutes." he thought out loud walking towards the door. His look was quite confused when his neighbors Callie and Arizona stood in front of him. They didn´t look less confused by him blocking the doorway and not letting them in.
"Okay um...you ready for parenting night?" Callie eventually asked and his eyes widened even more.
"I thought that was next week?" his brain worked like crazy to find a solution for his dilemma.
"No, it´s this week. Can we come in?" Arizona meant less enthusiastic than her girlfriend and Mark stepped aside to let them in.
"We brought anti alcoholic wine...and I see you cooked." Callie noticed smelling the soft but spicy smell of the chicken in the oven.
"Could we please do this tomorrow. I´ve made plans for tonight." Mark stuttered nervously, fearing that Lexie would come earlier and it would lead to an awkward situation.
"Plans? With whom?" Callie asked kind of annoyed that he forgot but also curious about the secret date. "Normally we talk about every of your dates."
"It´s not that important...just please go before she comes here and it gets awkward."
"Who is it?" Arizona asked now also persisted on knowing before leaving.
"Lexie." Mark admitted quietly and while Arizona who knew about the pregnancy nodded understandingly, Callie obviously didn´t think it was a good idea and furrowed her eyebrows.
"Lexie? Oh no no no. That ship has sailed, and sank. Aren´t you tired of all this drama?" she sighed and tried to convince her friend that he was making a mistake again.
"Callie I really think we should leave them. They for sure have something important to talk about." Arizona grabbed her hand showing her to leave him alone. Although Mark didn´t know that Arizona knew about their situation he was thankful to know her on his side.
"Well, we too." Callie pulled her hand away and placed it on her lower abdomen causing Mark to feel guilty that he forgot about their meeting tonight.
"We can do this tomorrow all right? I just...Lexie´s on her way and I really need to discuss something with her. I don´t want to mess it up again." Mark literally begged for his friends to leave and Arizona tried to convince Callie again.
"Fine. But if it goes wrong this time again, don´t come to me crying about it because I´ve warned you a dozen times." Callie said angrily as she and her girlfriend approached the door. Mark sighed partly relieved and partly feeling guilty. But he couldn´t tell her. He couldn´t tell his pregnant best friend about his pregnant ex. He just wondered how life could get so confusing sometimes.
Surgeons can´t be distracted.
They need to focus on the main problem.
If we make mistakes, they can be deadly.
Our private life doesn´t matter in an o.r.
We need to put our best foot forward.
Meredith and Derek entered their house talking about the Alzheimer´s study he was doing.
"And you think by injecting that medicine into their brain, the patients will really get better?" Meredith asked interested. Derek gave her a smile before kissing her on the cheek.
"At least I hope so. Wanna go upstairs and celebrate it?" he asked in a flirty tone. His hands were wrapped around her tiny waist as he placed some passionate kisses on her neck and collar bone. Meredith giggled and pressed herself closer to him. She felt like since her phantom pregnancy Derek tried even more to get her pregnant. She didn´t complain. All of this affection flattered her. Derek stopped his kisses for a second and looked at her, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. Her lips slowly moved to his and started with a soft kiss. Their kiss quickly became more passionate as their tongues entered each other´s mouths.
"Get a room!" Alex´ voice suddenly interrupted their moment, when he came from the kitchen with a bottle of beer and a fresh bowl of popcorn. "It´s disgusting." He added, stuffing a handful of the savory treat in his mouth. Derek rolled his eyes followed by a sigh.
"I´m gonna take a shower." He meant placing a kiss on Meredith´s lips and walking upstairs.
"I´ll join you in a minute." The woman called after him with a giggle. Alex frowned, walking to the couch.
"I´ve been trying to call you all day!" Meredith complained slapping him on the head.
"Ouch! I´ve been busy." Alex defended his actions.
"Busy? Busy with what? Getting wasted?" Meredith pointed out, seeing all the empty beer bottles on the couch-table.
"Leave me alone." The man tried to shut her up but she wasn´t going to do that.
"Alex, we´re worried about you. You don´t come to work, don´t respond and all you do is drink and eat all my cereal."
"Don´t be. I´m fine. I don´t need your pity and I don´t need to be reminded of my responsibilities and flaws on a daily basis. If you excuse me now, my movie´s just started." Alex now completely blocked her out and turned away from her.
"You´re a jerk." Meredith murmured leaving him and going to her room.
We need to be able to cope with unpredictable situations.
We need to be competitive and try to be better than everybody else.
When we make decisions, we must be a 100% sure they are the right ones.
But sometimes there´s a complication we can´t foresee
"It smells delicious." Lexie complimented Mark´s cooking skills, taking in the scent of rosemary and spices.
"I hope it tastes at least as good as it smells." Mark smiled putting a plate in front of her.
"Lately I don´t really care about how it tastes. I´ve had a pack of chips and strawberry jam as dip for lunch. Trust me everything´s better than that." The intern giggled at Mark´s shocked expression. They started their meal and it didn´t take long for Lexie let out a sigh of enjoyment and another compliment in Mark´s cooking. They enjoyed the chicken in an awkward silence and occasional glances towards one another.
"You want some dessert now?" Mark asked putting the plates into the sink.
"I think I´ll have to wait for a bit or I´ll look like I was six months along." Lexie joked placing her hand on her abdomen. However, her smile quickly disappeared thinking about how to tell him that she didn´t want the baby.
"Right…about that. We should now start talking." Mark suggested staying at the counter in the kitchen. Lexie looked up from her hand and nodded. She took her glass with water and walked towards him.
"Do you want to start?" Lexie asked shyly and nervous.
"No, you can go first if you want." Mark answered not less nervous but also excited.
"It´s fine really." Lexie smiled awkwardly. It made them giggle that they were so indecisive. "on a count of three okay?" Lexie suggested and Mark nodded in agreement. "1….2….3:"
-"I want an abortion."
-"I love you"
And it might have severe consequences.