Chapter 36

Néanmoins

He took one last look round the room, wildly searching the corners for anything out of the ordinary—anything that would indicate that he was being observed. When he was certain that he was entirely alone, Snape raised his hand and an enormous green column of flame appeared in front of him. He lifted his wand, took a deep breath to prepare for the vacuum, and then tapped himself on the head with the tip of the wand. The Bubble-Head Charm securely in place, Snape stepped into the column of fire with his wand brandished high, its tip moving in a complex series of twirls and loops.

As the crushing emptiness and freezing cold pressed round his body, Snape focussed his mind carefully on the location he needed to reach. He kept his wand pointed at exactly the correct angle and took one small step forward so that the flames on either side of his body stretched out into a tunnel. Snape took four loping strides forward and felt rather than saw the fire change round him. The flames were now a bright red and the tunnel was receding. He used a nonverbal command to release the Bubble-Head and turned himself so that he could safely exit the Xulopurian chasm. His wand still carefully held at an exact angle, Snape pushed himself out of the vacuum and released the chasm with a sharp twist of the wand.

It took a moment for his eyes to focus in the dim light of the room, but before he even saw her Snape knew that she was there. He had not been prepared to see her immediately, but the intense relief at being in her presence overwhelmed his mind. He had intended at the minimum to change his robes before he went down to her rooms to find her. However, as he walked forward to where his wife stood with her hand extended towards one of the books on his shelf and her small body frozen in fear, Snape forgot whatever it was that he had planned.

Her high-pitched voice squeaking with surprise, Patience stuttered, "S-Severus! Y-you…"

Snape, now standing close enough to her that his chin almost had to rest on his chest to look directly into her face, felt a rush of irrational anger that she was so patently terrified to see him again when he broke the rules to come to her. "What are you doing here in my private rooms?" He felt his eyes narrow involuntarily and his nails biting into his flesh as his fists clenched more tightly, but he controlled all of his other urges as he waited for her to reply.

"Luther asked me to see if you had a book. You never invited him to enter your rooms, so he is not able to pass through the door. We tried."

Snape watched as her fingers released the volume, which she had pulled from his shelf, dropping what was unmistakably his copy of Structural Repellency Charms as she tentatively placed her hands on the front of his robes. He tried to force himself not to react as he worked to comprehend the emotions expressed in her face, but by the time that he had realised with surprise that she did want to see him, he discovered that his arms had already reached round her without him being aware of having done so.

"Were you coming to see me?"

As Snape heard the hopefulness of her question, he felt the floodgates break as a wave of emotion gushed over him, sending chills coursing along his skin and causing him to struggle for breath as his mind floundered. He had come here because he had needed her. He was afraid and hopelessly insecure after what had occurred that night and, like a wounded animal, he had sought out his safest place for comfort.

He had known, known better than most, that tonight was going to arrive. He had been aware of the plans and was certain both of the Dark Lord's intentions and of what was coming. He had played his parts well—balancing both roles with precision, but never being sure exactly when the dénouement would arrive or what would happen to him. He had not expected the Dark Lord's somewhat less than triumphant appearance at the Ministry.

That Malfoy had failed in his plans had naturally pleased Snape immensely, but Snape had not thought that the Dark Lord would risk an open declaration so soon. It was a foolhardy decision. The Dark Lord's stratagems had not yet been brought to fruition and his supporters did not yet number enough to effect the plan. Snape had miscalculated his own plan, therefore, and he did not yet know what the results of his mistake would be.

If his true intentions were discovered, Snape knew that Azkaban would be preferable to his inevitable fate. Nevertheless, in the midst of his fear and the rapid, fraught recalculations that had begun racing round his mind after he had heard the result of the Death Eaters' excursion to the Ministry, Snape had become aware of a feral, desperate need to see her again. It had been the sort of ridiculously stupid desire that he had always hitherto crushed at the outset. This time, however, he had not questioned whether he would go. He had simply pulled on a cloak over his blood-stained robes and opened a Xulopurian chasm to his house in Hogsmeade.

Now, as he opened his mouth to respond to his wife's all-important question, Snape could not even find his voice. Discovering himself at a total loss with his entire mind unbalanced as he drowned in his emotions, Snape searched his wife's face for the answer.

He heard the genuine concern in her voice as she asked softly, "Severus, are you all right? Has something happened?"

"No, I am not all right. The Dark Lord…everything is in the open, Patience. You will read it in the Prophet in a few hours." Snape felt suddenly as if he couldn't bear to discuss any of it. She would know enough from the Prophet's headlines soon enough. None of that mattered quite as much right now as finding out the answer to a new, surprising question.

"What has happened? Has he won already? What has happened?"

"No he hasn't 'won'. Yet all the things that I told you would one day take place are beginning now. Everything has started and my life will probably not be worth much for long."

Snape did not remember releasing her from his grasp, but now he felt her weight as she threw her arms round his neck. Patience seemed to be trying to pull him closer to her as she cried out, "Then we should go away. Why don't we escape to somewhere safe, Severus? We can leave right now, can't we? Luther and Eva can cover our disappearance for a few days until we are safe."

Snape placed his hands on either side of her face. "No. The job that I must finish is important, Patience. I will not abandon what I have set out to do. I cannot leave, but I would take you away if you will go. You would be safer outside the country."

Her hair tickled his cheek as she vigorously shook her head. "I won't leave if you are still here."

"Where I am does not matter, Patience. I have explained to you before that you are not safe here, especially now that the baby is coming."

Snape saw an unmistakable message in his wife's eyes as she gazed up at him. As she repeated stubbornly, "I won't leave Britain if you are still here, Severus," he felt his heart begin racing again. He had never considered this possibility.

Snape moved his hand behind his wife's head and interlocked his fingers with the strands of her golden hair. "I cannot leave Britain now, Patience, and I cannot come to you like this often. My absence would be missed."

"But you will come again? You will come."

Snape breathed out deeply before saying gruffly, "Yes. I will come again."

The blatant relief and joy that he could see in his wife's face was the proof that he needed, proof that his sudden conclusions had not been wrong. His wife loved him. At that moment, he would not ask why or how. Her love was improbable, he would have said impossible, but if it were his then he would not waste time with explanations. The only point of significance was that she voluntarily wanted him, now when he was so desperately in need of her. As he pulled his wife into a rough kiss, awkward with inexperience and inescapable insecurity, he allowed himself to forget that no one had ever returned the love of Severus Snape.

As he rummaged through the contents of the hidden cupboard, Snape could hear his wife speaking to the house-elf in his sitting room. Although she had apparently already eaten breakfast at almost 5 o'clock that morning, an oddity that she had explained was due to her inability to sleep well from to the pregnancy, Patience had insisted that she order another breakfast for him. Snape would have to be back at Hogwarts before nine, but eating a small meal would give him an excuse to extend his time with her. He calculated that he could be absent for no more than 90 minutes and they had already spent almost an hour.

Snape pulled out the small silver box for which he had been searching and then turned the key in the front panel, so that the cupboard was once more invisible next to the mantelpiece of the fireplace. He had been forced to put on one of his very old, discarded robes, which were burnt in several places from old chemical spills, when he had redressed since he could not return to the school wearing the ruined robes in which he had left it. The front and sleeves were caked with mud and Gibbon's slowly drying blood—far more than a simple Scouring Spell could remove—and he was not supposed to have done anything that evening which could account for such an odd appearance. Even with all his talents at prevarication and misdirection, Snape could not plausibly concoct a story to explain why he had raised wands with a known Death Eater. Gibbon had always lived up to his name—barely removed from the level of a lower primate.

His wife's disgust at discovering her own clothing marked with streaks of blood from close contact with him had almost ruined the moment after their kiss, to which she had responded with a determination that he still could not believe. Snape remembered having recoiled nervously when he had seen her expression change to one of loathing and distaste, but also recalled her reaction to his hastily stammered apology. As Snape ran his wand at an angle along the side of the old silver box, he considered the rather superb proof that he had been offered in the last hour that his wife actually loved him.

"Hadn't you better hurry, Severus? Wicket has brought your breakfast and is cleaning your boots. He could have your robes ready in two hours, but I didn't think you had time to wait."

Snape shook his head and gestured for Patience to come closer. "I don't. Are you warm enough? You look cold."

Patience walked all the way into the room and crossed the floor to stand beside him. "No, I'm fine, really." She grasped his hand and tilted her head towards the door. "Come and eat before you leave, please. You may not have time when you are back."

"Perhaps not and I certainly won't risk anything, but I think I will have an abundance of time today. The Headmaster will be busy enough without concerning himself with me. Neither shall I be summoned again now, not when the Dark Lord will know that I am being watched. Nor should he need me, as his interrogations last night after the debacle were sufficiently thorough. Stay here; I have something to show you."

Snape extricated his hand from hers and picked up the box from the edge of the bed. "Do you know how to use an Encache?"

"Yes. Is that one?"

Snape picked up her hand and turned it over so he could place the box on her palm. "It is."

"Where is its twin?"

"You have seen it before, Patience. My black box is the twin."

"Oh, I thought that they always looked alike."

Snape frowned, "That would be somewhat obvious, wouldn't it? If one wanted to find an Encache then one would merely have to look for an object that looked like something which the suspected conspirator owned."

Patience blushed and said softly, "Yes, I see. It is awfully small, isn't it?"

Snape nodded and replied, "It is possible to place objects as large as a hearth kettle inside, however I think that level of magic is beyond your current skill. You will not need that much space, in any case. You will only be placing objects the size of phials and small packets inside."

"What is it that you want me to get for you? That is what you want, isn't it? You want me to send you things?"

Snape inclined his head and answered curtly, "Yes." He tapped his wand six times along the lid and then flicked it open before saying, "I will contact you via the Paired Script books when I need something. Luther will have to procure some things, since I cannot have you going to Solovsky's or Bindle's yourself."

"How do I let you know what the pattern for retrieval is? Is it safe to write that in the book?"

"I don't think that using codes is really feasible, is it?"

Patience bit her lip and relied with embarrassment, "I'd never remember them. I was useless at recalling the password to get into the Hufflepuff common room even."

"As I suspected. You must write the wand pattern in the book."

"I cannot tell Luther that you came, can I?"

Snape caught her hand so that she looked up at him, as he replied, "No. It is important that even Luther not know that I was here or that I might ever come again. Nor can Miss Rosser or any of your other friends."

"Eva and Luther are married."

Snape, who had begun to propel them both towards the door, froze in mid-step and asked sharply, "When did this occur?"

"Well, two days ago. They eloped the same day that her father was taken to St Mungo's. I had thought Luther would have told you."

"If your brother has only been married to your friend for two days then I hardly think that his chief concern is notifying me. I should imagine that the Rosser family has been enough of a worry."

Patience nodded as she said, "Yes, but Luther isn't terribly fussed about what they have been saying. He has his hands full enough with Eva, who has gone to pieces really, and he has been worried about something that he had heard from one of the Warrington brothers. He felt that your lot was going to do something soon. His best friend is…"

"Yes, Dalgliesh. I know about him. He is one of Dark Lord's collaborators, Patience. It seems that I will have to write to your brother before he makes a gross error. I don't have much more time, Patience, so tell me: is there anything else that I should know?"

"Erm, I don't know. Eva is living here now, of course, and Luther is going to be taking over Daedalus, I think."

"Your brother has not brought anyone else here, especially not Dalgliesh?"

"No, but Aldebaran Shipley has been here twice."

"I knew about that. Shipley is safe enough, especially with his little cousin's concerns taking up his attention. He should be safely occupied for the next couple of weeks, which should keep him out of the way. I do not want any of the others here, Patience. Especially not Warrington, do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand. I will tell Rem and Wicket not to admit anyone without my permission."

"Good." Snape walked to the door and glanced at the moonclock on the desk. "I have to get back, Patience. Come sit with me as I eat quickly."

Patience hopped forward eagerly and asked uncertainly, "When will I see you again?"

Snape touched his fingertips to her cheek briefly and then looked at the moonclock as he replied distantly, "I do not know. It might be as much as three months, when I am supposed to visit the baby after the birth, unless we are lucky. I won't be alone, Patience, so I won't have many chances to escape unseen when I won't be missed for a spare hour."

Patience placed both hands on his chest and said hopefully, "But you will come."

Snape briefly covered her hands with his own before pulling them away and saying definitely, "Yes, Patience, I will come."