This was a little exercise I did because it was fun - a hundred fifty words each, and all of the cadets are mentioned. I seem to write a lot of angst... so here's some fun stuff.

FIVE TIMES DAN WASN'T THE WEIRDEST CADET IN THE ACADEMY,
AND ONE TIME HE WAS

Liam ends up in a strange situations.

"You know, even I think that's a little odd, Liam," Dan Markam said.

"Shut up," muttered Liam. His eyes peaked from the broken clay jar that sat over his head like an absurd mask. Predictably, he was covered in flour.

"I mean," Dan continued, following Liam as he walked away determinedly, "How did you even fit your head in there?"

"Shut up," Liam repeated for clarification. Dan still followed him. Damn commoners, Liam thought without heat.

"You haven't answered my question," Dan reminded him cheerfully.

"It was supposed to go on Victor of Nond's head," growled Liam. Victor of Nond was a page, and a mortal enemy of the cadets. Dan snorted.

"Backfired?"

"Quite."

Dan snickered, twiddled his fingers and left Liam to it.

"You're really helpful," growled Liam, and went to find a wall somewhere. Hopefully, if he beat his head against it, it would break the damn ceramic.

.

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Olivia has long and detailed conversations with amphibians

"…why are you talking to a frog?" Dan asked.

Olivia of Tirragan jumped. The animal she had clutched in her hand twisted and leaped down to land in the grass and hopped away.

"Um. It's not a frog. It's a toad," she said, somewhat uselessly. "There's no pond." She gestured to the dew covered ground. "Frogs live in ponds."

"Okay, then," Dan said grandly. "Why are you talking to a toad, then?"

"None of your business," she huffed, standing regally in the way she sometimes did and flouncing off.

"Are you a wildmage?" he asked, trotting to keep up.

She glared at him.

"Right," Dan muttered. "I'll take that as a no." He stopped trotting. She stormed off, back to the barracks.

Dan stared at her retreating back. Kathy called him strange, but really, they were all pretty weird, here. He shrugged to himself and followed Olive into the barracks.

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Rob has a strange sense of humor

Silvia Hatter was sort of annoying.

Dan was hanging upside down in his favorite hanging upside down tree, watching her walk backward as she talked animatedly with Rob of High Peak. Rob kept on shying away from her touches, but she didn't seem to be taking the hint. He thought maybe he should shout to them and take the pressure off the boy, but really, it might be more amusing to watch what would happen.

Rob was a lot like Captain Jones. Eventually, he'd make his displeasure known.

Dan watched them as they walked down the path into the edges of the Royal Forest and as he watched, Silvia banged into every tree along the path, and some trees that weren't.

Rob smiled to himself, still quiet, still clearly fond of his irritating friend.

That, Dan thought as Rob angled himself so Silvia walked into yet another tree, took talent.

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On occasion, Tina is a madwoman with a rake

That Tina had a crush on Captain Harkness was not what bothered her. Everyone had a crush on Captain Harkness. What bothered her was the fact that she'd said yes, stars in her eyes, before she'd really heard the favor he wanted of her.

Which is how she'd ended up knee deep in horse manure. From the other side of the stable, Captain Jack's gelding, Red, watched her with big eyes.

"Don't look at me all innocent," she scolded him.

The horse snorted.

"Hey! Don't get smart with me." She lifted up the rake she was using and waved it in the air, not really meaning the threat.

"I think you just lost an argument with a horse," Dan commented from where he was sitting on a rafter.

It figured that Dan would be up there, watching her make a fool of herself, Tina thought.

"I hate everyone," she muttered.

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Mithros only knows what Gil is doing

"The j-gen-tle bru-brush of Love and his kip-Kyp-ri-an Mother will im-imb-b-oo? Imbue! Our bodies with de-si-er—desire*—Captain, what in the name of Mithros is this?" Dan peeked through the open doorjamb when he heard Gil's voice.

"This, m'boy, is what I remember of Lysistrata," Captain Harkness said proudly.

"This is weird," Gil muttered. Dan squinted.

Gillham Smithy was sitting at a table with Captain Jack Harkness, a notebook opened on the table between them. The boy was looking skeptical.

"Is not! It's a classic play!" The Captain said, wounded.

"It's about sex," Gil replied flatly. Dan raised his eyebrows, intrigued.

"Of course it's about sex; all the best stuff's about sex. Now." Captain Harkness pointed to the page in the book. "And raise—" he intoned.

Gil rolled his eyes. "And raise a st-storm to t-tense and taw-tau-ten the b-bodies-"

Dan figured it was better not to ask.

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... and Dan Markham presents his lady-love with a wondrous gift

Someone was calling her name.

Kathy looked up from the book that Rob had given her for her birthday. Rob was really quite sweet, once she'd realized that he was just as shy as she was.

"Kathy!" the voice hissed again. Rob's face, open and tentative, shut down into his familiar, blue blood mask. Kathy sighed.

"Thank you, Rob," she murmured, patting his arm. His eyes warmed briefly. "Dan Markam, come out of the bushes, would you?" Kathy added wryly. Rob rolled his eyes.

"I should've known," he muttered.

Dan came tumbling out of the bracken. His tunic was covered in mud splatters, as though he'd been jumping in puddles. "I have a present for you!" Leaves stuck at every angle from his matted, wild hair, and in his fist he held something tarnished that looked like—

"…Is that a spoon?" Rob demanded incredulously, and Kathy collapsed into delighted laughter.

.

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AN: "We'll wait for the wind of heaven. The gentle brush of Love and his Kyprian mother will imbue our bodies with desire, and raise a storm to tense and tauten [the bodies of] these blasted men until they crack," is the line that Gil's reading. It's Lysistrata, an ancient Greek comedy that Jack definitely would have tried to commit to memory. It's about the war between Athens and Sparta, and the premise is this: in order to end the war, all the women in Athens stop having sex with the men. It's really funny, and filled with horny men and women making sex jokes. I feel like Jack would memorize random lines, just because they were amusing.

Jack promised to teach Gil how to read... but he never said what they'd be reading.