Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein

CHAPTER #35

The true test of whether or not Scott was ready to leave Horrizon, would come on the day parental visitation happened for the whole group. That was the day that Scott would tell his father about the football scholarship he'd been given and which university he'd be going to. As Peter had always known, Scott was a born athlete and leader. He was proud of the boy's growth and that he'd also decided to work towards a coaching career, as a back up if his football career ended. Once again Scott had self confidence and even more than that, he was planning for his future and Shelby's. Yet even with all that on his plate, he didn't forget about Chris.

"When you think you are alone in the world and no one understands you, remember that Shelby and I do. When we get cell phones, we'll leave our number with Peter, so you can call at any time. And we'll come whenever you need us. But as you find yourself, you'll be the one to forget about us."

"I'll never forget about the Cliff Hangers… especially you guys. You saved me life… literally."

Shelby nodded, "and that means you're in debt to him and me and you can never give up again… ever. You need to live for yourself… but enough of this sappy shit."

"Hey am I chopped liver? I'm still here too Chris," Mark complained.

"Partners in the quest to graduate here," Chris high fives him.

Shelby couldn't help teasing, "if Mike visits he'll be jealous of Mark."

"Naw, he's not the jealous type. Peter did say he's coming for the parent meet up tomorrow," Chris advised.

"He's hot, you'll like him Mark, but he's straight right Chris?" Shelby asked.

"Yeah. But he's not homophobic at all."

Peter came over and said, "ready for a run Chris?"

"Always. You and Scott coming too?" She asked her friends.

Mark nodded, "yeah… running will clear my head to study for the math test on Tuesday."

"Ugh, you go Scott, I need to talk to Sophie about work."

"Sure, but I need to stretch first."

Chris rolled her eyes, "we all do. The only time I've ever done a cold sprint, was running from the cops."

Scott, Shelby and Mark all started laughing. Peter wasn't as impressed.

"Don't worry Peter, that's in the past… I'm ready, let's go."

As they ran, they talked about the upcoming Parent's Day. "Peter, what time did Mike say he's coming?"

"Mid morning. Since his other visits have had to be cut short, he wanted to spend all day here."

"Awesome. What about you Mark, who's coming to visit?"

"My brother, he's the only one who accepts who I am in our family. Probably because he's younger."

"At least you have real blood family coming…. I mean I guess I can forgive my parents and sister for their reactions. I didn't make it easy on them."

Mark snorted in disgust, "they abandoned you and worse. How can you forgive them?"

"Cause I need to release all the hate and pain. I can forgive them for failing me, but that doesn't mean I will forget."

Scott exchanged a look with Peter, who ran behind Mark and Chris, beside him. Scott said, "you're moving forward and that's most important."

Mark couldn't let it go so easily, his resentment for his own parents flowing out. "But how can you forgive them? I get you want to let go of the negative shit, but why should you forgive them? Shouldn't they be begging for your forgiveness?"

Peter just let them discuss the issue, as they ran. He liked that Mark asked questions, indirectly seeking answers about his own situation. Mark wasn't bottling up the hate, but looking for options. His growth had been on a positive track, just as much as Chris herself was healing.

"But that's just it Mark. I don't care if they want my forgiveness or anything else. I don't need them. Family are the people who stick by you through the good and the ugly… like Peter, Sophie, Shelby, Scott… everyone. It doesn't have to be blood family…. it's whom your heart accepts."

Scott added, "sometimes you're lucky that those people are blood family, but she's right. The only person who needs to accept you, is you yourself. Once you've got self confidence and believe in your future, positive people will come to you."

"Alright… I guess I see what you mean…."

"I'll be your sister Mark… if you can catch me!" Chris laughed and sprinted down the trail.

"No thanks, I'm good with just jogging!" Mark yelled after her, only hearing her laughter.

"I'll go slow that nut down," Scott said and took off after his friend.

Peter matched Mark's speed, waiting for him to talk. It wasn't long before Mark spoke.

"I'm not ready to stop hating my parents. I guess I won't be graduating as fast as Chris. Accepting myself was hard enough. Am I an evil person?"

"Not at all, why would you think that?"

"I thrive on hating them. I need it."

"Ask yourself why you hate them… beyond just that they are homophobic."

"What do you mean?"

"Look within that hate, why is it that you need it?"

"I don't know what you want from me Peter. I thought parents were supposed to love their children unconditionally. I didn't deserve the hell I went through because of their ignorance. I didn't deserve believing that I was disgusting or that they called me a monster. My dad acted like I was going to infect him, like a disease… or worse yet, that I would come on to him and my brother…. I just needed them to love me, to acknowledge that being gay was not the end of the world. My father spit on me…. That's why I hate them."

"You can't control how they feel, but you can control how you feel. They said things that come from fear of the unknown. Like you said, they need education, to understand that you are still the same person you always were. Reactions can't be predicted. Prejudice and discrimination are everywhere in the world. For a long time people were taught by schools, religion and media that only heterosexual people will be accepted by society. Only recently has this perception begun to change."

"Maybe I can't accept that. I can't understand why who I have sex with matters so much to them."

Peter noticed that Mark didn't say whom he loved, but instead just whom he had sex with. This was something that they'd have to discuss further in their one on one session. For now he answered Mark's questions and asked him some of his own, that would help Mark open his eyes too.

"I think there's a little more to it than that. Every parent has dreams of whom they want their children to be. Some put those expectations aside and others just won't or can't. That is on those parents, not their children."

"So like Scott and his dad? His dad wanted to control everything to do with Scott's football future, but it wasn't his choice to begin with…"

They still had yet to catch up to Chris and Scott, but Peter wasn't worried. Those two often ran ahead and pushed each other's endurance. Mark needed him now, as he wasn't just questioning his parents' reactions, but his own self worth.

Meanwhile Scott caught up to Chris and grabbed her hand. He pulled her to slow down. "What's the rush?"

"No rush… Mark needed to talk to Peter… he claims he's accepted himself," Chris began, slowing eventually to a walk. "He's hurting still about his parents rejecting him."

"I can relate to that. He'll be okay… he's got you."

Chris noticed then that she hadn't let go of Scott's hand. She stopped walking. Wanting to ask him to promise to never abandon her, but scared to put that burden on anyone.

Scott could feel her tension, not even needing to look into her eyes, that had remained focused on their hands. He lifted up her chin, "what is it? You can always talk to me… about anything…. Mike isn't the only one in your life that cares about you. Remember that."

She looked into his eyes and saw truth. So instead Chris said, "don't put your lives on hold for me…. Promise!"

"Believe in yourself… you'll catch up to us, you always do."

Her eyes dropped and her mood changed as she heard Peter and Mark approaching. "Bet on it!"

The laugh that accompanied those words was fake and Scott knew it. Was Chris still feeling abandoned? Or was it sexual tension? Either way, the moment was lost. He'd talk to Shelby about it later.

"Finally caught up eh?" Chris teased.

Mark smiled, "why exert so much energy, if we're not in a race."

"We can race if you want," Scott offered.

"No thanks, I know who's faster. If you two want to run along ahead, go for it."

Chris immediately said, "no I'm good. We'll finish this run together."