Author's Note: Hi everyone, this is a long chapter, so enjoy the angst in it. The hit count on this story has been amazing, so I know that people are reading. How about leaving me a line and letting me know what you think? The song for this chapter is : "Just for You" by Midge Ure. As always, I don't own Harry Potter, but all original characters are mine. No copyright infringement is intended. Mutt
Chapter 35:
The Path Back
James POV:
"Anwen, he'll be fine," I told her, but she was once again looking back across the room at her husband in the hospital bed. Sirius had a happy, if not empty look on his face. He still wasn't remembering much about his wife, and nothing about his children. He'd regained some memories from our school years.
"I know, Remus and Tonks are going to stay, but I hate to leave him here. What if he remembers something while I'm gone, and he needs more information. Or what if the Healer comes in or Ewan has a breakthrough, or..."
"Anwen, we're only going to be a few hours. He'll be fine in that time. If something earth shattering happens, Remus will contact us." She nodded at me. Anwen was never a large person, in fact, petite was being generous with her – even when she was pregnant with the twins; but standing there, in the Council of 13's blue robes, with the over–sized medallion on her, she looked positively tiny. Lily and Molly had worked for nearly an hour to get Sirius' robes small enough to fit her, and they still looked too big. The weight of the last week seemed to have shrunk her as well. I wrapped a protective arm around her, she felt like she was all skin and bones. I wonder if she's eating anything? We needed to be leaving, and I figured I would have to tear her away. I steered her over to the bed.
"We're going to be off, but we'll be back as soon as the meeting is done," I told the other two Marauders, and Remus nodded at me. I don't envy him the task he has this morning. Sirius keeps asking about Peter, Remus is going to tell him about what a rat he turned out to be.
"Prongs, take care of my girl there," Sirius said quietly, and I heard Anwen's breath catch. We knew that he still wasn't remembering their marriage or the years since, but he had easily accepted that they were very much in love. It didn't take a trained Legilimens to know that Anwen was hurting inside because Sirius had no idea just how deep their love really was, and what they had gone through for each other. She took a few steps forward and leaned down next to him, holding the damned medallion to her chest so it wouldn't hit him in the face with one hand, and running the fingers of the other down his face.
"Are you sure that you'll be all right while I'm gone?" she asked, sounding as if she hoped that he would beg her to stay.
"I'll be fine. Moony promised to fill me in about Peter, and there are a couple of other things from school that I'm starting to remember. Anyway, can't have the family Council seat be forfeited, can we? Go on, I'll be looking forward to your smile when you get back," he told her, and Anwen instinctively smiled at her husband. He reached up and kissed her lightly and then whispered, "Be safe my angel." Anwen nodded and then turned to me and I could see that her eyes were once again cloudy with tears. She headed straight for the door, and I followed her out. Once she was clear of the door, she leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. I put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at me, heartbreak written all over her face.
"His feelings are pleasant enough toward me, but I had grown used to him looking at me, and being filled with his passion and desire for me, and now..." she wiped the tears off her face, "...now there is just something congenial. They want to discharge him tomorrow, his body is nearly healed, but," she stopped again, and ran her fingers through her hair. I then watched her take a deep breath and I swore that I could see her emotions being pushed down to her feet. "Well, we can face that mountain when we get back, right now, we have a meeting to be at," she told me, wiping the tears from her face and attempting a smile. It was the saddest smile that I think I had ever seen. Anwen had never looked more beaten down than she did right now, even in her darkest days after Greece; this was much worse. I pulled her to me and held her tight.
"Anwen, you're not going to do this alone. The whole family will be there to help," I told her, and she nodded at me and then with a tip of her head, let me know that we needed to be off for the Ministry. Being with the chief Warlock's personal counsel means that you don't have to stand in line when you arrive at the Ministry, and we were quickly in her office. Amelia and Kingsley were waiting there for Anwen to arrive.
"How are you doing?" her former partner asked her and she looked up at him and just shrugged.
"Better than that night in the mud with you in Liverpool, that's for sure," she said, he threw his head back laughing.
"You never cease to amaze me," he smiled at her. Amelia came over and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tight. Anwen seemed to cling to her.
"Are we still on for Wednesday night?" Amelia asked.
"Sirius is supposed to come home tomorrow, but I think that we are going to stay at the Potters'. He doesn't remember living at Grimmauld with me, so all of his memories of the place are from his childhood, which wasn't great. He actually has stronger and better memories of the Manor, and I'm going to need help. Molly has already agreed to let Harry stay there for a while, so he doesn't have to live in a house full of babies and toddlers. Remus and Tonks have said that they will move in to Grimmauld for the summer, keep an eye on the place. Back to semi-communal living for the Marauders and their wives," she quipped, and I thought it was funny. I chuckled, but Amelia and King both looked at her shocked.
"Did Remus finally get off his arse and ask her?" King said, suddenly very happy.
"No," she sighed "not that I'm aware of, and I am sure that I would be aware. Slip of the tongue. After all these years, you'd think he'd get the picture, but...anyway, I hope that once Sirius gets more memories back, we'll be able to go home," she finished.
"Well anything you need, anything at all, just let me know. The library at the Manor is almost as good as this one here, so don't even think about coming in, unless you need to get away," Amelia told her, and she nodded at her. "I took care of the issue in the Department of Mysteries as well. They're enthused about the memories that you brought back with you. So much so that all they want is reparations for the clean up and repair. Remus took care of the financial papers. I guess he's on your accounts with Sirius?"
"He's been on them for years, since Sirius was in exile. We never bothered taking him off. I'll thank him for that later, and thank you for handling it," Anwen said with gratitude in her voice.
"That is what friends are for. The stupid charges against Sirius have been dropped as well, so you don't have to worry about Aurors coming to haul him off to Azkaban," Amelia said, and I watched as Anwen mouthed 'thank you'. "Well, we need to be off now, this meeting should be interesting, no Lucius Malfoy," she said smiling and Anwen returned an even brighter one. I was quite certain that Anwen was sleeping better with Malfoy and the Lestrange brothers in Azkaban.
"Nott is gone too, and I would be shocked if Crabbe and Goyle show – they're both wanted for attempted murder, along with Bellatrix Lestrange for what happened to," King said, and then stopped short. "For what happened last week," he added quickly. He kissed Amelia goodbye, and we headed into the chamber. Albus was already there, and as we entered he came over to greet us.
"How is he this morning?" he asked, and Anwen smiled at him, albeit gingerly.
"He's remembered a few more things, Harry being the primary one. Remembers the day he was born," Anwen said happily, and then added in a near whisper, "and making me cry that day. Also remembers giving him his first broom and taking him riding. It's a good thing. Depending on how his morning goes with Remus, I'll take him some pictures of our wedding and our kids later," Anwen told him.
"What are they talking about this morning?"
"Peter," Anwen and I responded in unison. Albus nodded in understanding.
"I've contacted Amos Diggory, and members of the Sprout, Scamander and Yaxley families, should representatives from all current families not arrive for our meeting this morning," he said with a knowing smile. Even Anwen couldn't help but smile at the idea. "King will wait with them in the outer office, until which time we discover if they are needed."
"Isn't Amelia still the chief Warlock?" she asked, almost teasing him.
"That is one position that I have every intention of giving up first thing today. Albus is welcome to have it back," Amelia said, and we all smiled at it.
More members filed in, and they all wanted to find out how Sirius was faring. I stood close to Anwen, and with Amelia we ran as much interference as we could. When Arthur arrived, he took up the guard as well, and with the exception of Augusta Longbottom, she was left alone. No one is willing to tell Mrs. Longbottom no. At 10:00 exactly, Albus shut the door and began the meeting. We ended up seating all four new members that day. The Council had most definitely taken a different tone and attitude.
Anwen POV:
"You know, now that she's going to be the Minister of Magic, you might need to marry her," I teased Kingsley as he poured the champagne. We were in Amelia's office, celebrating the fact that the Council had just decided that it would be her name that would be put forth for the new Minister at the Wizengamot meeting a week from Wednesday. There was no doubt in any of our minds that she would indeed be affirmed, but we had to keep it quiet until then.
"I keep telling you that I would marry her tonight, if she would have me," he replied as he pour five glasses of the sparkling French Muggle wine.
"Fine, we'll set a date, and you're all hearing me right now, May 18, 1997. I will marry you King, and I will be happy to be your wife," Amelia said, and we were all surprised and shocked. King has been wanting to marry her since before Sirius and I were married. A little light went off in my mind, and I knew now why she had been waiting, and why she would be willing to marry him on that date next year.
"Well then, I believe that we have even more to toast. To our soon to be new Minister of Magic and her soon to be husband, may your lives be filled with joy and happiness," Albus said and we all toasted the pair. I looked over at James and he nodded at me.
"I hate to toast and run, but I very much would like to get back to Sirius. We will see you on Wednesday night, around six to celebrate the twins' birthday. Please, keep it low key King," I said, knowing that for Lilyan's first birthday, he actually rented a unicorn for her to take a ride on, and then gave her a huge stuffed one for her room.
"When have I ever done things in a small way, Anwen?"
"Swell, see you all then, and Meil, congratulations," I told her, going over and hugging her. I didn't use her nickname much when we were at work, but right now, we were among close friends.
"Anwen, you do realize that you'll be going with me right?" she told me as she hugged me back.
"Going with you where?" I asked her, pulling away to look at her. I was confused.
"Anwen, the Minister needs advisors. I'll accommodate your schedule in any way, make whatever changes you need, but you will be my advisor. I will not take no for an answer. There aren't too many people that I trust, and you are one of the few," she told me. I stood there with my mouth open. "We'll talk when Sirius is better, but know that I will not forget how important you are to me. Now, James, please take her back to her husband, and I will see you all on Wednesday."
James helped me from the office, I wasn't feeling much of anything right now, except confusion. Within minutes we were back at St. Mungo's and I was so happy when Sirius smiled as I came into the room. He was dressed and sitting up, and the color had truly returned to his face. He opened his arms out to me and I walked to him and nearly fell into his embrace. He feels pleased to see me, but, there's no passion there. He doesn't long for me the way I do for him. He has no idea how much I am dying inside without him. I feel hollow without him pouring his feelings into me. I'm working so hard to keep mine from overwhelming him. I could feel his strong arms holding me, and I felt like telling everyone else to go away and just let him hold me for a while, but I couldn't because he wouldn't understand just how I was feeling right now. When his lips found my temple and rested there, I felt like I was being engulfed in flames.
"How was the meeting?" he asked, and I took it as a sign that I needed to pull away. I tried to calm myself enough to speak, and thankfully James chose to answer instead.
"It was good, the Council took on four new members today, and they are making an inspired recommendation for the new Minister. A warrant is being sworn out for Madame Umbridge and her illegal use of the Blood Quill. Harry can decide if he wants to bring further charges against her. Fudge refuses to tell us where she is. Albus is the chief again, and by the time the Council meets the next time, you will be able to go."
I found my voice, finally, when he was done. "I hate these robes, they're scratchy. Now I know why you don't want to wear them much," I told him, gently removing them and placing them on the bed. I had worn a simple sweater and flowing floral skirt under the robes, and I felt much more comfortable now. I was very pleasantly surprised when Sirius pulled me down to sit in his lap. I had to stop and concentrate on not kissing him passionately when his arm snaked around my waist and he held me to him. I laid my head on his shoulder and tried to steady myself, but it was so very hard.
We talked with everyone for a while, and then slowly our friends began excusing themselves. Tonks had to get to work, Remus had to check in on a child who had recently been attacked and infected and James wanted to get home for lunch. They all promised to be back later, and then, Sirius and I were alone.
"How was your morning?" I asked him.
"It was a lot to take in. Hard to believe that one of our friends could turn on us that way. He betrayed James, Lily and Harry and then he tried to kill you and ..." He paused and I wanted to help him, but he started talking again, "...don't tell me...Lilyan. It's upsetting. I'm sorry that happened," he told me. I twisted myself slightly so that I could look at him. His other hand found its way to my knee. I don't know if he meant to do it, or if it was by instinct, but his thumb began to rub small circles in the soft flesh behind my knee. I felt like I might explode from the contact.
"Don't do that," I admonished him for his attempt to take responsibility for Peter's actions. "It wasn't your fault that Peter came after us, it was because he's crazy and he follows Voldemort. You have no control over that," I told him and he registered some ambivalence. I leaned my head down on his chest, and for a moment it felt like nothing was changed or gone between Sirius and me. "Please, don't blame yourself. You couldn't have known when you were eleven what Peter would become. Let it go, love."
"For you," he said, lifting my chin so that I could look at him, "I will try."
We talked for a while longer, lunch came and we sat at the small table in his room and ate together. It felt like a date, he kept peppering me with questions about our lives, things that he started remembering, or things that people had said to him. He was remembering things from our school years, and the few years that followed. I found it hard to tell him about events without giving too much away, but I found if I just answered the questions he had, it seemed to work out fine. We talked and laughed and for the first time, things were easy and comfortable between us.
Sirius POV:
"Don't worry, I'm right here, and you'll be fine. Our friends are in there, and the kids are easily distracted," she told me, but I was terrified of entering the Potter home. I had just been released from the hospital, and Anwen had apparated me here. I wasn't supposed to do much magic, until we could figure out what spells I actually remembered how to do.
I watched as she opened the door and we walked in. There was a sign hanging from the second floor landing that read "WELCOME HOME (sort of ) DADDY" and there were balloons and streamers up. There were scribbles and squiggles all over the sign.
"I think that Ginny had the little kids help decorate the sign for you, Anwen smiled as she spoke. I love the look on her face when she talks about the children. When I remembered Harry's birth, I also remembered that I had somehow made her sad that day. Remus had told me that I had said I didn't want to have kids, and it broke her heart. Why would I have done such a thing to her? I then heard a small rumble of footsteps, and soon the entryway to the house was filled with little kids. I figured the ones that called me daddy were mine, and the ones that called me Uncle Sirius were James' kids. There were teenagers there too. I only recognized Harry, but I figured that all of the red-heads were Weasley kids. There was a brown haired girl that I didn't know at all. Our friends came in too. Anwen held my hand, but two of the kids were clinging to my legs. It was a little overwhelming.
"All right, Daddy is still a little weak, why don't we let him sit down, and then you can all see your father and me, come on, let's go in the other room, or would you rather go outside? You've been cooped up inside for a while now," she said gently, and I was again struck at what a treasure she was.
"Outside would be nice, there's a nice breeze today," I told them, and we started a small parade out. The two teen–aged girls picked up a little blond girl and a nearly completely bald boy, and I figured that they were our twins. Anwen held me back with a gentle tug of her arm.
"If it gets to be too much, just tell me. All of your things have been moved into "our" room here, and you can be alone, or we can be alone if that's what you need. Ginny and Hermione know that they are in charge of our children while they're here," she explained. I nodded at her and we made our way out through the kitchen to the patio area. This house seemed completely familiar, if just slightly off. Of course, they would have changed things a little. My memories are nearly 20 years old. I wonder if we are sleeping in my room? Mrs. Potter insisted that I decorate it and call it such when I lived here.
When we got outside, there was a chaise open, and I really wanted to sit down and put my feet up. I refused to let go of Anwen however, and she ended up sitting next to me, squeezed into the long chair. I had discovered that I felt better when I was in physical contact with her. It was something that I planned on talking with her about. The afternoon was pleasant, one by one our children came up, and I watched how Anwen would interact with them. It's still strange to call her my wife, I only just began remembering courting her, but mostly, I remember the little girl who was my confidant in school. She's not a little girl anymore though. Anwen has such nurturing and peaceful manner with our children. She's a great Mum. Little Jamie came up and curled up on her mother's lap and fell asleep. I could hear Anwen humming to her as she dozed. Ginny came by and picked her up, saying she would take her and put her down for her nap. The other girl, whose name I still couldn't remember, had John, who was near sleep as well. Harry came over and sat at the foot of the chaise.
"How are you feeling?" he asked me, sounding concerned.
"I'm fine, Harry. The memories are coming back every day, and I'm confident that I'll remember it all," I told him. The potions master, What's his name again? Damn I hate this, thought that he might have had a breakthrough and would be talking with me about it later. He was apparently staying here as well.
"Look, I'm sorry about what happened," he said, clearly trying to apologize. I really didn't know what he was talking about. "I ended up with this vision of you being tortured, and we tried to contact you, but no one answered the floo at Grimmauld, and I couldn't figure out how else to get hold of anyone...if we hadn't gone to the Ministry, you wouldn't have had to come and rescue us..." he was rambling on, and I could feel my brow furrowing, but none of it made any sense to me.
"Harry, your godfather doesn't remember anything from that night, but he knows you would have never put him or any of us in danger on purpose," Anwen said, trying to comfort him. "You did nothing wrong, and we'll find a way to make sure you never have problems getting in touch with us again. Tonight I want to re-start your lessons. I am going to finish teaching you, and I need to see everything that happened that night. Albus told me his version, I just need to see what happened when..." she stopped when she saw the horror cross Harry's face. "Harry, there is nothing for you to be upset about," she reprimanded him. "You threw him out, never forget that. There are grown adults who can't do that. Tonight, after I get my kids down, we'll work, all right?" She reached down and put a hand on his leg, and he smiled at her. "I am so very proud of you," she told him, and his entire demeanor seemed to relax. He got up to go with his friends and I watched her study him as we walked away. Did my wife take are of everyone this way? I've seen her care for all of the kids, half our friends and me now. Who takes care of her? She leaned back and I lifted my arm so that she could lean against me. Maybe I can take care of her? I can see why I would have fallen for her. She rested her head against my chest and her arm wrapped around me, and something overwhelming hit me. I looked down at her face, and she looked up at me and I knew it. I was indeed deeply in love with her, maybe not the her that I had shared the last twenty years of my life with, but the woman that had found me and saved me. Did I feel this way before? How did I live with feeling like this all of the time, it's shocking, and wonderful. I smiled at her, and she blushed and turned her eyes away.
"What lessons are you giving him?" I asked her quietly as Harry went to go to the lawn with the rest of the kids.
"I'm teaching him Occlumency. Albus had the brilliant idea that Severus could complete his training, and I assume that I'll be starting over from scratch with the mess that he created while doing that," she told me.
"You can do Occlumency and Legilimency too? And what does Snivelus have to do with all of it? " Why in the world would any of us have anything to do with that git?
"Don't think on Snape now, please," she said quietly, and then she smiled "Sirius, love, you couldn't even begin to imagine the magics that I can do," she told me with a rather mischievous curl of her lips. "I'll show you in time, but yes, I can do both. You were my favorite test subject when I was learning. I actually think that might be part of the reason that you're having problems now, your mind was pretty disorganized to begin with, sorting through memories now, with things in such disarray, well, it would be harder," she said quietly.
"Could you teach me to straighten them up?" I asked her. I hadn't ever learned any of these things, as far as I knew.
"I could, but I won't," she told me, and I felt disappointed. "I would be too tempted to force you to remember things that I think are important to me, rather than letting you find them on your own. However, there are people around you that could work with you. Remus, Kingsley and Mad–Eye would all be willing to help you. Albus could too, but I don't recommend that," she said flatly, and I knew that there was something else going on there, but I didn't think I should ask her. Instead I just stroked her shoulder, and my whole body seemed to hum with excitement at it.
"I'll do that," I told her, and closed my eyes to relish the way all of me seemed to react to her. We spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing on the patio, and then had dinner. After dinner, Anwen and Harry excused themselves and went to work in the library. Lily had told her that she would take care of the children, so that Anwen could deal with Harry. She emerged several hours later, looking drained and upset. We had moved into the Sitting Room, and only those of us living here, 'the family' as we were apparently referred to, were here. James stood to speak to her.
"What did you see?"
"It was a mess, it's going to take him weeks to re-file everything and clean it up. I went through the portal again, that space hasn't changed, but the door was nearly blown off the hinges. I repaired it, and strengthened it. I don't think that Voldemort will try and use it though. I watched Harry's memory of his possession, and Voldemort can't stand being in Harry's mind. It's fully painful for him and he'll avoid it at all cost. It does however give me a very interesting idea of how we are going to get rid of that thing," she said with a glint in her eyes. I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, but it sounded important. I still don't understand this relationship between Harry and Voldemort though.
James sat down, and Anwen came and sat next to me. I instantly felt better, and I had a memory of sitting in this room, on what looked like Christmas, and something to do with a ring. It was like a floodgate had opened, and I could see that day, especially the smile on her face.
"Did I propose to you in this room?" I asked her, and she shook her head no. "I remember giving you a ring here." She thought for a moment, and then she smiled.
"You didn't propose here, but you did give me a ring. It was the first Christmas that we were dating, and it's this one here," she said, showing me a ring that was on her right hand. "You're sure you're remembering it?"
"I am, and you gave me..." I paused, looking over the memory that I had just unearthed, "...an electric guitar? I can play guitar?" I asked her and she looked like she was nearly jumping out of her skin.
"Yes, I gave you the guitar that year, and well, you do play, but not a whole lot lately, the kids don't like the sound much," she said, with her giant smile nearly engulfing her face. She threw her arms around me, and kissed me. She surprised me a little, but it felt so good. I was about to begin really kissing her back, when she stopped and pulled away from me. "Sorry about that, got carried away."
"Really, it's okay with me," I told her, smiling. You can kiss me any time you'd like. I like the way it felt. I must have said something the rest found funny, because everyone was laughing, and Anwen was blushing.
"Even without his memory, Padfoot is still as enthusiastic as ever," James said, and they all laughed harder and I looked at Anwen. She was glaring at him.
"That's not fair, James," she said angrily. "We can talk about it later," she told me when she turned to look at me. "but I'm happy that you remembered something about us. It's your first memory of our being together," she said quietly. The room turned quiet, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Within a few minutes, the room was empty, everyone having begged off for their own activities. When we were alone, I pulled her closer to me.
"I really did like it when you kissed me," I told her, and she bit her lip and blushed again.
"I'm not really surprised. Um," she took a deep breath, "we've been known to be rather enthusiastic in our sex life. They've all caught us at one time or another in compromising positions. Glad to know that you liked kissing me though." I looked at her. Did she really think that I wouldn't want to kiss her?
"Anwen, do you somehow think that you're not desirable to me?"
"I don't know what to think. You don't remember being married to me, you don't know anything about what we went through or about our marriage," she stopped and took a deep breath. "Why don't I show you the room upstairs, I'm sure that you're tired. I need to check on the kids as well," she said standing up. I grabbed her hand and she looked at me, but said nothing more. I stood up, pulled her to me, and then taut against me. I wrapped one arm around her waist, and put the other on her soft cheek and pulled her to me, and kissed her passionately. She tasted like strawberries, and my head was actually spinning from the way she kissed me back. Another memory came to me, a glorious day with her, in a room I didn't recognize. We were in bed and her eyes were filled with wonder, and the room smelled like something that I couldn't place. The kiss only broke when we needed to breathe.
"Even if I can't remember the rest, I will want to do that forever," I told her, and her eyes instantly filled with tears. Relief washed down her body, and I could feel the muscles in her arms and her back lose their tension as she accepted this idea. We went upstairs, and she opened two different doors. One was for a room that was done in pinks and purples. I could see Lilyan in the bed and Jamie in a crib across the room. They were both soundly asleep, and Anwen waved her hand and I heard a ping and then the room was silent and she closed the door.
"It's a warning charm, should either of them awake, it will let me know in the middle of the night," she told me quietly, and we walked down the hall to the other room that I used to sleep in when I was here while at Hogwarts. Guess we don't sleep in here. The room looked much the same as it had when I was here, except that there was a crib in here now. Ethan was sleeping in the bed, under a dark blue comforter that looked like the same one Mrs. Potter had picked out with me when I was 15. John was on his stomach, with his bottom up in the air as he slept in the crib. I pointed at him and Anwen nodded.
"He always flips himself around like that, slept with his butt up in the air since he was six months old and figured out how to roll over," she told me with a lilt in her voice that made my heart flutter. She raised her hand again, and a different sounding chime went off, and she closed the door.
"You do wandless magic too?" I asked, putting the pieces together. She nodded at me. I wish I could remember more about her. We walked down the hall, and she came to the double door. This is Mr and Mrs Potter's room. She opened the door, and held it open for me. I walked in, and she stood at the door. I turned around and looked at her. "Don't you plan on sleeping?"
"I wasn't sure if you would want me here or not," she said quietly.
"I would assume that last week we shared a bed, we should do so now as well," I told her, taking her by the hand and bringing her into the room and closing the door. "I had another memory of you. We were someplace that I didn't recognize, but it was warm and the room was light and fragrant. You were looking up at me, and we were in bed, and you looked surprised and delighted and amazed all at once. It was a strong memory, I could even taste the air. It reminded me of salt and olives." Recognition crossed her face.
"Greece," she said quietly.
"That's all you're going to say? Greece?" I asked her. Clearly there was something else there.
"We owned a home in Greece for a while, and I think that you might be remembering the first time we," she stopped and looked away, "the first time we were together," and she blushed again. Her eyes looked far away, but happy, and then pain flashed across her and then nothing. She's trying to hide something from me, something related to Greece. "It's nice that you're remembering me."
"Anwen, would it help if I told you that I know that I love you?" She looked up into my eyes, surprised but relieved. "I figured it out this afternoon. I can't explain how I know, but when you're next to me, holding me, I feel better and safer. I don't know about our past, but I know that I love you, now."
"Oh my darling, I love you too," she said, flinging herself into my arms.
Anwen POV:
The twins' birthday party dinner had gone well, and we were in the process of cleaning up from the meal. We would still have cake and presents before bedtime tonight. It was really only a a party with our family and the closest of our friends. War was not a time for any of us to be out and about, celebrating... Voldemort had made his first strike, brought down a the Brockdale bridge this morning. We had all tried to put it out of our minds, but innocent Muggles had lost their lives. Eira and Charlie had left earlier, rather quickly, without even saying goodbye, which surprised me, but I remembered what it was like to be young and newly in love. I couldn't blame them for running off. I stopped for a moment, and just stood still. I was alone for a change, I didn't have to act anymore. I just wanted to stop and breathe. I was shocked when the doorbell to the Manor rang. I was fairly sure that everyone that knew how to get into the wards was already here.
"Winnie, can you get the door?" I heard Lily call and went to answer it. I pulled the door open, and there stood my sister and her fiancée with my Ma and Da.
"Ma, Da what are you doing here?" I asked them, hugging my father and then my mother. My Ma didn't want to let go of me.
"Did yo actually think that we'd miss those pretty babies first birthday? And then with what happened to Sirius? Darlin, I'm still your Mum," she told me and I smiled at her and then began crying. I couldn't control the tears, they were pouring out of me. I had been strong for nearly everyone else, but this was my mother, and I didn't have to be strong with her. I felt my father grab hold of me and lift me up. My whole body was shaking with the onset of the tears.
"Why don't you take her into the library? I'll make sure that you're left alone for a while. I've kept plates warm for you, and then we'll do the cake," Eira told them. My father took me in, and set me down on the love seat, and my Ma sat next to me holding me. I didn't have to say anything, I didn't even have to explain the last week to them. For the first time, I was simply able to be. Someone was going to take care of me.
The next week passed quickly. My parents were staying out at the farm with Eira, but spent their days here, playing with their much missed grandchildren. They announced that they would be spending the summer with us, as Liddy and Stephen had taken over caring for the Bed and Breakfast while they were on holiday from the school they taught at.
James had been working with Sirius on his spell work, and we realized that there was very little of his magic that he'd forgotten, he had completely lost all of his wandless skills however. He'd worked so hard for them, now he needs to start over. He'd gained back many of his memories as well, they usually happened in flashes, like a light bulb would simply start working again, and he'd remember something. When it happened, I usually found myself having to stop whatever I was doing to fill in the missing pieces. Sirius could at least remember something about each of our children now, and he had regained quite a few memories of our life together. There were however, some rather large and important gaps. At his follow up visit to see Healer Orlaf a few days ago, he reminded us that some of these things might never come back, the night of the Battle in the Department of Mysteries and the events that followed being the chief among them. Sirius was also given a clean bill of health, which meant that should we choose too, we were allowed to be intimate with one another. I still wasn't sure when that might happen, in many ways, we were still discovering each other again. Sirius had turned into a gentleman, often asking me if he could simply hold my hand or kiss me. I missed the man who would come into a room and carry me off to the bedroom without saying as much as hello. He still didn't fully understand about our binding either, and I knew that the first time we were together, he would be surprised by the strength of the emotions involved.
Tuesday, we were on the patio at the Manor, when Tonks came through the door from the kitchen. I knew that she was on duty today, we had talked about it earlier that morning. I had teased her that she wouldn't be able to use up all of the hot water tomorrow, since half of us needed to get up and be there for the Wizengamot meeting. Tomorrow was the day that Amelia would be nominated, and barring a catastrophe, be made Minster. It quickly became obvious that this wasn't a social call and that the young Auror had been crying. I stood up at her entering, and looked at her.
"Who?" She tilted her head, and then opened her mouth.
"Emmeline Vance," she whispered. Emme was assigned to Amelia's protection, until she was made Minister. Oh Lord, please no. I could feel the horror gripping me, and Sirius had come over to stand next to me. James and Remus were also standing now, Remus going to be by Tonks' side.
"Tell me Meil is alright," I begged. She said nothing, and my legs gave out on me. I don't know what happened next, but I knew that mine wasn't the only cry to be heard. Sirius lifted me up and sat us down on a chair and I sobbed into him.
When I had gathered myself together, I went to check on Kingsley. He was devastated by her death. I contacted the Order and Mad–Eye and Albus came and retrieved him, and took him to headquarters, where the others could keep him from completely letting himself go. There was always someone in the house now, and Molly and Arthur had promised to feed and take care of him tonight. I flooed back to the Manor, and I was greeted by the family, and a bottle of firewhiskey. The six of us each took a glass, and toasted the memory of a good woman and friend.
"You know why she wouldn't marry King? Why she set the date for May 18 of next year?" I asked them, and they all shook their heads at me. "She didn't want the family to lose their seat on the Council. She had me look into it last year, and if you marry, you lose the seat to the next family member in line. Since it was only Susan, she had to wait until she was of age. Susan turns 17 on May 17th. The funny thing is, now that she's dead, a guardian can be named to act on Susan's behalf, until she comes of age. I couldn't do anything for her while she was alive, but I can now that she's gone," I told them, laughing at the irony. No one else found it funny. I was drunk but I didn't care.
Not long after, we all decided to turn in. Harry had gone to stay at the Burrow for a few weeks, as had Hermione. Molly and Lily had spoken with her parents, and they were more than happy to have her spend the summer with all of us, once again. You should really talk with her about that. I don't have the strength to take on someone else's problems. The other two couples had again gone off, arms wrapped around each other, to do what I longed to be doing right now. Sirius and I looked at each other, and he took my hand.
"You're probably tired, why don't we turn in too?" He stood and I followed. That was it, that was all that I was going to get? I was frustrated now.
"They're not going to sleep, Sirius!" I yelled. "They're going to find solace in the arms of their lovers. They're going to remember that they're alive by sharing the most intimate act they can. I don't understand why you're being such a gentleman here, where the hell is the cad that I married?" All of my anger, frustration and exhausting came rushing out of me at the one person who didn't need to feel it. He looked like I had struck him.
"I didn't know," he whispered. "I...I..." he stammered, and I just looked at him. "I don't know how you like me to touch you. I don't know what turns you on or what makes you moan. I don't even know what you dislike. The only memory I have of being with you was your first time, which I remember you telling me was painful and uninspiring. I remember being with lots of other women, but I can't seem to remember being with my wife. I don't know what you see in me, and I don't want to disappoint you," he told me, and I felt stupid. I walked to him, put his arms around my waist and then wrapped mine around his neck.
"I'm sorry, it must be very hard for you, all of this. I didn't think about your feelings, I was just sort of wrapped up in my own. Will you forgive me?" I asked him and he leaned down and kissed me. I took it as a yes. "I guess I'm also a little afraid that you don't want me, not that way. If you're remembering all of the other girls, you might be reconsidering your choice." I think it was the whiskey that was letting me talk this freely.
"I thought that I made it clear to you, that I do indeed find you beautiful and desirable and most definitely sexy," he told me, leaning down to kiss my neck. "I guess that I need to make myself clearer," he said, as he went to kiss the other side. I groaned in pleasure. "I take it you like that?" he asked, and I made some sort of a noise. "Good to know. Listen to me. I" he kissed my left cheek, "want" he kissed my right, "you," and he deeply kissed my lips. I broke the kiss after a minute. He needed to know everything before we started.
"Sirius, before we get too far along with this, there is something that you need to know, about our love making." He stopped and looked at me.
"What?" he looked worried.
"When we're together, um, well the binding makes it very, intense," I was trying to explain this without getting too specific, but I wasn't finding words. He still looked confused. I was going to have to be blunt. "We can feel each other."
"Of course we can, silly, we'll be touching each other," he told me, making a joke like he would have made before his otherworldly adventure.
"No, not physically," I told him, rolling my eyes at him. "We feel each other's emotions. It's part of how I found you, when you were...lost. I've kept my emotions hidden from you, but, well, when I'm in the throes of passion, I won't be able to keep the wall up – you're going to feel everything and if what I get from you is any indication, it will be quite consuming."
"Wait, you mean, you've been feeling my emotions all this time and never told me?" he asked, and I nodded at him. "And I could have been feeling yours?"
"Yes, on both counts. I kept mine private so that I wouldn't hurt you or make you feel pressured in any way. I know that they've been intense. I've appreciated being able to feel yours, it helped me know what you needed," I told him. He seemed hurt.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You wanted me to tell you that we share emotions? It's odd and uncommon, I didn't want to scare you." He nodded at that.
"Will you open yourself up to me now?" he asked, and I nodded at him, and let emotions pour out of me. He seemed surprised and delighted. "Do you really feel this way towards me?"
"Yes. Always, I love you more deeply than I knew was possible." If I'm going to open myself up, might as well do it the whole way. He picked me up and kissed me deeply. His tongue danced with mine and I felt his hand slip inside of my blouse to caress my back.
"Anwen, my beautiful wife, may I take you to bed?" he whispered and his words made goosebumps erupt on my neck and shoulder. I knew he wasn't talking about sleep. "Yes," I murmured back.