080- Why?

February, 2019

"Ker?"

"Hm?"

"Do our kids ever scare you?"

"What do you mean? Like Gwen's tantrums? 'Cause by now I think we know she's all bark, no bite…"

"No, I mean when you think about the fact that Henry just turned sixteen…that Maxine is well on her way to becoming a prima ballerina…and that our fourteen year old son is almost as tall as I am."

"Well when you put it that way…"

"I'm serious, Kerry…I feel like they were so young and innocent, then I blinked, and now they're all grown up."

"We do still have that six year old, you know."

"She's six going on sixteen."

"Touché."

"But don't you ever feel that way? I mean, Henry's going to get his license then before we know it he's going to be in college, getting married…we're going to be grandmothers, Ker. And then the twins…you know, Eli lost his hearing just about ten years ago, and now he's a teenager who not only speaks English as well, if not better than any other thirteen year old, but he's also fluent in ASL and makes getting by in the hearing world look seamless. I…it's just so, so—"

"Scary?"

"Yeah."

"I think, more than anything, it's exciting…you know, back in between mine and Sandy's first try and Henry, I spent a lot of time asking myself why I wanted to be a mother. Sandy had said something about her reluctance to carry making her less of a woman in my eyes or something of that nature, and I started to think that maybe I only wanted to be a mother because I felt like I had to, you know?"

"Mhm…"

"Well, I thought and thought and thought, and I was really beginning to doubt myself and my reasons for wanting to be a mom, until I had this patient. She was the cutest little girl I'd ever seen, and she was really bright. I mean, exceptionally bright. She was probably four or five, and she kept asking me all sorts of questions about my disability. They weren't those obnoxious, what-is-wrong-with-you questions, though; she was genuinely curious, but in the politest way possible. I swear, she had more tact than some adults I've come across, and she was only a little girl! When I met her parents, I knew exactly why she was the way she was; they were so calm and even headed and genuine. That night, I realized one of the reasons why it had been so important to me to have kids; I really wanted to raise children who can see the world a little differently, kids who can change the world, even if it's in a small way."

"You think they can do that?"

"Definitely…I know all parents are proud of their kids, but I think we have exceptional reason to be; They're smart, they all have their own interests and hobbies, they're all passionate and hardworking, and most of all, they all have good moral compasses. I don't know if it's because they have if it's because they have doctors for mothers or—"

"—or because they have liberal-thinking lesbians for mothers?"

"—but they all understand right and wrong, they're grateful for what they have and what they're able to do, and they value diversity."

"Yeah…"

"And that makes me excited."

"Well when you say it like that…"

"Exciting right?"

"I guess it really is."

Sorry about not updating for a while...I've been incredibly busy with school. I'll try to stay on top of it! And thanks for your reviews in the meantime!