A/N: This chapter is a little shorter. The UC ones are bit more difficult to write. Next chapter will be the final UC night and then we'll have a follow-up chapter of the aftermath before moving out of this arch.

CHAPTER 36

Olivia came into Alex's apartment quietly. It was late, and she had no idea if Alex would still be up.

"So, did you finish up with your boyfriend?" Alex's word came out ice cold.

"I can explain, Alex," Olivia said.

"I think your only excuse is that you didn't know I was listening, did you?"

Olivia put her head down. "Alex, please, it..."

"Don't you dare tell me it's your job. I'm pretty sure nowhere in the New York City Police Officer's job description does it mention getting or giving erections to other officers."

"Come on, Alex, you know those things can't be helped sometimes."

"Sure they can...if you're not sleeping with your partner."

"Alex, you shouldn't have been there."

"I was there because it was my job to be there. You know about that, don't you? But don't worry, I sure as hell won't be there tomorrow. I can only assume the next step in this little charade is for you and Matt to consummate your new relationship...if haven't already. Sorry, but I think I'll pass up on watching while my girlfriend fucks someone else."

"Dammit, Alex! Stop it. If you want to be mad at me, fine. If you want to leave me, do it. But don't you dare question my ability to do my job professionally. Was tonight hard and awkward? Yes. I hated every minute of it. Would I do it again? I don't know right now. Would I want to do everything in my power to make sure nothing happens to anyone else like those couples who were murdered? Yes, of course. That is always going to be my answer."

"Then I guess I have mine."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that just one time, could you even for a second, consider choosing me over your job?"

Olivia was silent.

"Did you even consider how I would feel about this before you agreed to do this?"

"Alex, I told you. I had no idea Matt was the undercover."

"Fuck, Matt. This isn't about him, Olivia. This is about you and me! If it weren't Matt, it would have been someone else you were in there with, and it's not the point. The result would have been the same; you would have been putting your life on the line. For what, Olivia?"

"For the victims! For justice!"

"Yeah, and where does my life fall into the things that matter to you?" Alex turned and walked back to the bedroom, shutting the door.

Olivia sat down on the couch and sighed before she heard the bedroom door open again.

"Oh, and fuck your fuzzy purple handcuffs!" Alex shouted as the purple fuzz went flying toward Olivia. (A/N Sidebar: I'm realizing that Alex likes to throw things. Pillows, Rolls, Handcuffs)

#

It was morning. Olivia slept on Alex's couch again. As long as Alex wasn't kicking her out, she planned to be there every single night. Olivia got up and fixed some coffee. By the time it was ready, she heard the bedroom door open.

"Oh, you're still here." Alex walked past Olivia in the dining room and into the kitchen to get coffee.

"I'll leave if you want me to, Alex."

Alex didn't answer her. She just sipped her coffee. Truthfully, Alex didn't know what she wanted.

The awkward silence was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Alex got up and looked to see who was there.

"It's Cragen," she whispered to Olivia. Even though Alex wasn't certain where she and Olivia stood, having Olivia's boss see her at Alex's place this early in the morning could not be good for either of them. "Go to the bedroom. Hurry."

Olivia did as she was told, and went to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

"Don?" Alex said as she opened the door. "This is a surprise. Is everything okay?"

"Can I come in, Alex?"

"Sure. Can I get you some coffee? Please, make yourself at home."

"Coffee would be great," he said and took a seat the dining table. He smirked when he noticed there were two mugs of coffee on Alex's table.

"Do you have company, Alex?" he said and nodded toward the two mugs as she came back with his coffee.

"Oh, that. No, I, actually funny story. I was so tired this morning that I poured my coffee and went to do something. When I came back, I had forgotten about it and poured another," Alex lied. Good grief, Cabot, is that the best you can do? Alex thought.

"Uh huh," he said. "Anyway, Alex, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Don, I'm sorry about last night. The undercover operation went fine, I'm just, I guess I'm just not used to ones like that."

"Thank you, Alex, but that's not why I'm here."

Alex stared at him. She was out of ideas as to why he was there.

Cragen took a deep breath. "I want to tell you a story."

She nodded for him to continue.

"When I was a young officer and was married, there were some rough years. Marge, my late wife, didn't understand my work. She didn't understand the things I needed to do sometimes, or why I needed to do them. I did a lot of things I wasn't proud of, and often I blamed it on the job. But I needed the job to keep going."

Alex wasn't sure where he was going, but she nodded for him to continue.

"Marge was a Saint, Alex. Oh, don't get me wrong. She hated me and despised my work at times, especially when I had to go undercover and do questionable things for the 'sake of the job'. It put me in compromising situations and Marge wasn't sure she was cut out to be the wife of a cop. It's not for everyone, sometimes even when you understand the work we do."

Alex continued sitting quietly.

"What I'm trying to say, Alex, is you need to figure out now if that is a life for you."

Alex gave him a surprised look.

"I don't pretend to understand what is going on. I don't want to know, and I will deny we ever had this conversation. But Alex, if it's worth it, then it's worth it...and if it's not, well, then I would suggest you figure that out before anyone jeopardizes their careers. Hypothetically speaking, of course." He smiled.

"There is a reason a lot of cops' marriages end in divorce. Trust is a huge part of that, so is fear, and it's not always easy on or fair to our partners. Only you know what is true and what is not, and what you can handle, but just remember this: at the end of the day, we're all just trying to do our jobs to the best of our abilities. Most of us are doing it for the right reasons, even if we're misguided sometimes. This SVU squad, you included, are all some of the finest people I've had the pleasure of working with."

Alex had tears forming in her eyes.

"Thanks, Don."

Cragen got up to leave. "I think it would be best if you stayed home tonight, Alex."

Alex nodded.

"Oh, and you may want to pour Olivia another cup of coffee, Alex. I think this one is cold," he nodded toward the extra mug on the table and smiled. "Don't forget, I've been a cop for longer than you've been alive." He laughed and left Alex's apartment.

On the other side of the bedroom door, Olivia was sitting with her back to the door and eyes closed. She was fighting back the tears that were forming in her eyes.