Mergers and Acquisitions

by Touchstone67

When Edward pays for a night of harmless fun, he didn't expect to get the purchase of a lifetime. Will his nights in Seattle change his whole life in Chicago? Full length story for the second place winner in the Slash/Backslash Contest. Rated M, J/E

36. The Ususal Suspects

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N- I know this isn't who you are all expecting, but there is a reason for it. This is not an outtake, it spans an important time, is dialogue heavy, and might answer some questions asked in the last few chapters.

Thank you to everyone that has read, reviewed, and alerted this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, any and all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are my own.

"**~~**"

How the fuck did I get here?

That was the big question.

The place was nice enough I guess, but it was no Renaissance Hotel that was for fucking sure. I hadn't once seen escargot on the menu. There were no bars on the windows and the sheets and towels were clean. Thanks to an extra few thousand dollars and some sweet talking, I was in a single room. It was nice I got to suffer through withdrawals in private. I heard the others bitching about waking up to their roommate heaving into the trashcan.

No thanks.

Scanning the seats set up in the stereotypical semicircle, I looked around at my fellow addicts.

Oh sorry, fellow substance abusers.

It was just a fancy name for drug addicts. You can dress it up any way you want but in the end, they were all addicts. Some knew it, some denied it, others owned up to it.

There was Katelyn, the middle-aged soccer mom with a Vicodone problem. That skiing accident when she hurt her back must have been so traumatizing, I snorted to myself. Please. She was just some fucking lonely housewife whose husband's dick was cutting it anymore. Instead of getting off with sex, she was getting off with pain killers. And now little Buffy and Biff were suffering horribly from it.

Sighing, I moved to the token rich boy. Carlton was the bored heir to some billionaire who was told he needed to stop shooting the family fortune into his bloodstream or face getting cut out of the will. After being in and out of the tabloids a few times, his family had finally staged an intervention and admitted him a day later for his heroin addiction. I bet it was difficult for him to give up his private driver and the trip to Fiji he was supposed to be on instead of sitting in a hard plastic chair with us lowlifes.

Slumped in the chair next to him was Heather, a teenager that had gotten fucked up one too many times with her friends and had crashed daddy's BMW. Her parents put her in rehab so she wouldn't get fucked up some night and end up pregnant the next day. She was still in high school so instead of group she sometimes went to a tutor so she could still graduate on time.

Next to her was a guy old enough to be my father. I think his name was Mark. Or Mike. Maybe Mort? Fuck, it didn't matter what the hell his name was, all I had to know was he was divorced dad with three kids. After being arrested for a DWI with the kids in his car, he checked himself in. I smirked when he confessed that it had been one of his kids that had turned him in. Called the cops from their cell phone in his car. Damn clever kids.

The seat next to Mort or Mike or Matt was empty. It had belonged to Bob the Biker. Seriously, that was what he called himself. Bob the Biker. Bob the Biker had left the night before. Tragic. See, we weren't there against our wills, we could check out any time we wanted. It was too bad too. I kinda liked Bob the Biker. His long hair and eagle tattoo were a bit cliché, but the American flag bandana he wore was nostalgic. Anyway, Bob the Biker had a love hate relationship with alcohol and pot and the occasional piece of rock. Seems the other bikers in his gang thought he might need help. Apparently, Bob the Biker didn't think so.

Next to Bob the Biker's empty seat was the drug counselor Chad. Chad was the typical rehabilitated user with the fucked up skin, empty eyes, tattoos running down his arms, and the hard stare. He was really good at glaring at people and acting all tough when they didn't listen to him. He was the enforcer of the group. If any of us got out of hand, he would put us back in our place, physically if necessary. Gotta admit, he was pretty knowledgeable about the hell of detoxing, his voice hinted at sympathy whenever someone complained about withdrawals or cravings.

Sitting in the middle of the semicircle was our doctor. Tall and thin, he had wire framed glasses covering his slate eyes and a distinguished grey hair thing going on. I'd do him. Wouldn't be the first time a fuck wanted me to call him daddy. Dr. Dolan sat with one leg crossed over the other and a clipboard resting on his knee as he occasionally took notes on what was said in the group. Often, he would just nod and hum to whatever he heard, only jumping into the conversation when necessary.

"…and the pain is just unbearable. I couldn't stand not being able to even get up in the mornings without the constant suffering…"

What about my constant suffering having to listen to Katelyn's woe is me story? Sighing, I rolled my eyes. I wanted someone to drop and have a seizure. At least give me some entertainment.

"Mr. Biers," Dr. Dolan spoke up, "do you have something to add?"

Where the fuck should I start?

With the fucking annoying idiots I was surrounded by or the fact other people bought the fucked up stories they were selling?

Everyone looked at me, waiting for my answer. Leaning back in my chair, I folded my arms across my chest and gave my head one good shake to get the hair out of my eyes, which I then blinked innocently.

"No."

Dr. Dolan eyes left me and returned to Katelyn. "Continue."

Oh, Jesus Christ.

If there was a God, I wanted him to shoot me. I'd even take a slow and painful death if that was what I deserved. Anything to get me the fuck out of there. How the fuck had I let Jasper talk me into this?

"…so I told my doctor about the excruciating pain and he prescribed Oxycodone…"

Blah, blah blah.

My mind drifted to anywhere but that fucking room. Staring out the window, I thought back to just how I had let Jasper talk me into it. But it wasn't Jasper alone that had convinced me to go. See, Jasper had an enforcer of his own. And Jasper's enforcer was fucking hot.

Needless to say when I had woken up in the hospital room and saw him, and not Jasper, sitting in the chair watching TV, I'd been surprised but definitely not disappointed. Being the stealthy type guy I was, I stared at him for a few minutes. Peter pretty much looked he had walked out of a high fashion magazine. There was the square jaw, unique colored eyes, perfectly groomed hair, brilliant smile, and a body that would make any straight man gay. Alright, so I hadn't seen the body yet, but everyone knew it was only a matter of time. And if the way he wore a custom fit suit was any indication, I was fucking dead on with my assessment.

"I know you're awake," he said casually turning his head, and those fucking green-blue eyes, toward me. They were the color of the Pacific at sunset. It was a view I'd seen often, usually with Jasper sitting by my side as we dangled our feet off the docks. The sun would hit the blue ocean, giving the top a weird green tint. Just like what I was looking at right then.

"Caught me," I smirked, shrugging. The charm was all natural, like breathing. I never had to work at it. "Now what are you going to do with me?"

"Keep you safe, just like I promised."

He looked at me so…differently. It wasn't like Jasper, or even Beautiful, and it certainly wasn't like the fucking johns on the street. It was something I'd never seen and honestly, it fucking unnerved me. It was like he knew me but he didn't. No matter how high I had been, I definitely would have remembered fucking something as hot as him.

"Does this security detail involve body cavity searches?" I asked hopefully.

"Afraid not," he smiled with a slight shake of his head.

"A pat down then?" I suggested.

"This security detail is strictly a watch but don't touch service."

"Don't you know?"

"Know what?"

"It's impossible to watch me without touching me," I informed him with a short laugh, stopping when the pain pierced my upper left side. He returned my laugh, the sound echoing through the empty room.

"Consider me warned."

"Not that I'm complaining, but I was surprised to wake up and see you here." I had thought Jasper was a permanent fixture in my room. He wouldn't leave. Not that I wanted him to.

"Jasper was exhausted, but I couldn't get him to go home unless I promised to stay and watch over you," Peter replied, turning in the chair slightly so he was facing me more. Of course he wanted to get a better look at the goods. Couldn't blame him.

"You can do more than watch over me, cowboy," I flirted, bowing my head and looking at him through my long lashes. Resistance was futile when I did that.

"You know you're just wasting energy with me, right?"

Yeah, I did. I didn't know the guy, but I could see his love for my whore in his Pacific eyes. Jasper had told me about their trip, I knew the guy loved Jasper, but even if I hadn't heard it firsthand, I could have figured it out.

"Yeah, it's obvious you're in love with him."

He didn't flinch, or even blink. His eyes remained fixed on mine and without any quivering, he replied, "I am. I won't deny it, I've never denied it. I won't hide who I am or who I love. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for him, Riley." He paused. "I could give him everything he ever wanted for the rest of his life, except…"

"Except what, Peter?"

"Except he doesn't feel the same way," he answered quietly, closing his eyes and shutting out the hurt I heard in his voice.

I didn't have to tell him he was right. Jasper didn't feel the same way. Peter knew it. We were silent for a few minutes before he opened his eyes, exposing a darkness to them that hadn't been there before. I felt an odd need to comfort him.

"Sorry," I whispered and he shook his head.

Just as he was about to say something, my doctor walked in. Peter went to leave, but I told him he could stay, so he sat back down. A few minutes of harmless flirting later and I had permission to leave the next day. The doctor said goodnight and left.

"Happy to be going home?"

Home?

A foreign word to me. I had no home. At least not by the standard dictionary definition. I had no place that I paid for or that I could even count on as being there every night. Then again, I could count on Jasper being there every night for me. Jasper was my home. I didn't want to explain all that to Cowboy though.

"Fuck yes. They don't feed me right in here. Did you know that you can check off all the food on the menu, but they only give you a set amount?

"Is that so?" He gave me a half smile.

I nodded. "Then just as you fall asleep, the nurses come wake you up, prod you, and not in the good way, then tell you get rest."

"I never understood that either," he agreed.

"And why do they have to measure my piss? I feel like I'm taking a fucking test every time I go to the bathroom. What if I fail? Do they drug test me or something?"

"No, they want to make sure your kidneys are working," he chuckled, then looked around my room. "Where is your stuff?"

"Stuff?"

"Clothes, shoes?"

Suddenly there was something on my blanket that needed my undivided attention. Blankets should be lint free in the hospital. Picking at the tiniest piece of lint I could find, I chewed my lip. "They got ruined," I mumbled. "I think they cut them off me."

Nodding, he pulled out his cell phone and pressed a button. "Hey, Cassie," he greeted, then paused. "I know, but something's come up. I need you do me a favor." More pausing. "I need some men's clothes brought to me at the Harborview Hospital." Then he looked at me, languidly dragging his eyes from head to foot, stopping briefly at my waist before continuing down my legs. "A pair of jeans, waist twenty-nine, length thirty, a tee shirt size medium, some socks, and underwear same size as the jeans. Oh, and a pair of sneakers." He glanced at my feet tucked under the now lint free blanket. "Size eleven."

Damn. He was good.

"Room seven-ten. I'll be here." He waited for a reply and glanced at his watch. "Use the company card. Great, thanks, I appreciate it. See you in a bit." He put the phone back in his pocket.

"You didn't have to do that," I murmured, my eyes remaining on the bed. I didn't have the money to pay him for the clothes. People that gave you things expected shit in return. Money, a fuck, drugs, something. Except for Jasper. He gave me stuff without me having to give him anything in return, but Jasper was my friend, Peter wasn't. I swear I felt my face heating up under the bruises as he stared at me with those weird intense eyes. "I don't think I can fuck, but if you want to close the door, I'll blow you."

"Excuse me?" he choked, his dark eyes widening.

"For the clothes. I can't pay you for them, but I can blow you if you want," I clarified.

Muting the TV, he turned to me and sighed. "Riley, I didn't get you the clothes because I wanted a blowjob."

Angling my head, I studied him. If it wasn't for a blowjob, he had to want something. "Then what do you want?" I finally asked, giving up trying to guess. Talking was fucking overrated.

"I want you to have clean clothes to wear home tomorrow."

"And?"

"And nothing. That's it. I don't except or want anything in return."

Confused, I stared at him.

Then I felt a warmth on my shin through the blanket and I looked down and saw his hand resting on my leg. "Sometimes people do things just because they want to."

Pulling my eyes from his hand, I studied my lap. My jaw slid back and forth and before I could fucking stop myself, I blurted out, "I don't know anyone that's done something like that before besides Jasper." Immediately, I was shaking my head and internally scolding myself for my apparent inability to shut the fuck up.

"Well, now you do," he smiled and removed his hand. Leaning back in the chair, he turned the TV back up and then stretched his long legs in front of him, the toes of his tan leather boots sticking out from his pants.

I wished he'd taken the blowjob.

It seemed it was only a few minutes later that there was a knock on the door and a pretty girl entered. She had long blond hair and big brown eyes. She also smelled like lemons. It made me hungry and I wondered where dinner was. Peter thanked her, looked over the clothes and held them up for my approval, which I gave eagerly. Cassie had good taste.

"Are the jeans Armando?" I asked as Peter folded them up.

"Armando?"

"Yeah, Jasper let me wear his clothes a lot and he had Armando jeans." I watched as he began folding the tee shirt. He was pretty good at folding shit. They weren't even rolled into a ball.

"You mean Armani?"

"Armani, Armando, same fucking thing. Both gay designers," I shrugged.

If he was trying to contain the smile, he failed. I saw the corners of his lips going up anyway. "No, they are not Armando, or Armani. They are Ralph Lauren."

When he was done folding, he put the clothes on the dresser and then sat back down. "Hungry?" he asked when my stomach growled so loud he heard it over the television.

"A little," I lied. More like a fucking lot. "I filled out the menu already."

"What did you order?" he asked, picking up the room phone instead of his cell phone.

"One of everything."

He spoke quietly into the phone. I tried to pretend I wasn't listening, but his deep voice was rich and soothing, and really fucking hard to resist. After hanging up, he sat back down again.

Twenty minutes later, a hospital worker walked in with a try loaded with covered plates and several choices of soda. He left without saying a word and Peter pushed the cart over to my bed and began lifting the lids to show me the food. There was a cheeseburger and fries, some sort of fish and rice, steak and potatoes, apple pie, ice cream, and a piece of cake. It was food made for a fucking king. And I felt like one as he showed off the food and waited on me.

"No escargot?" I raised a brow, arching it just right.

"Not tonight. So what's first?"

Shyly, and I am not fucking shy, I motioned to the burger and fries. He handed the plate to me, along with a can of soda, and I began to devour them. When I was half done, I noticed he was standing there watching me with a silly smile on his face.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I mumbled around the food, spitting a little out. He shook his head.

"It's all yours."

"All of it?"

Nodding, he picked up a can of Coke. "Except I'm going to take this." He pushed the tray over so it was close enough for me to reach and then sat down again. "So what should we watch?"

That was how we spent the rest of the night, watching TV and talking. He told me a few stories about growing up in the south and I told him a few stories about growing up on the streets. He even laughed a few times, and I could see his eyes brighten when Jasper was mentioned. Flicking through the channels, he settled on a French movie. I recognized the language, but I still read the subtitles at the bottom. My foreign language skills were rusty. Not much need for them on the streets.

"Is this okay?" he asked, waving toward the TV.

"Oui," I replied, using what little French I remembered.

He was clearly surprised. "Tu parles Français?"

"Pas très bien," I replied in my broken French.

"How long?"

"Only a year," I shrugged. "I was more interested in learning the dirty words to seduce the boys. What teen boy doesn't want to hear about ménage à trois?"

He threw his had back and laughed.

It was my freshman year in high school and I was taking French because my friend Noah was taking it. I'd had crush on him all summer and couldn't wait to watch his lips practice the new language. Each day I sat next to him and we chuckled our way through class. He ogled the teacher while I ogled him, swallowing hard every time he was called on to speak. One day, after following him around like a puppy for months, I scribbled on a piece of paper and folded it before sliding it into his locker.

tu as de très beaux yeux

You have nice eyes.

He did too. They were a really light blue, almost translucent or something. Anyway, I watched from around the corner while he opened his locker and read the note. His head whipped up and he looked down the hall in both directions. I jumped behind the corner before he could see me, my heart racing like mad under my Doors tee shirt. There was no doubt he would recognize my handwriting. He copied my homework enough. The rest of the day dragged until French class. I walked in and sat down, waiting for him to come and tell me I had nice eyes too. A few minutes later, he walked in with an extra bounce to his step and he flopped in the chair next to me. When he leaned toward me, I knew that was it. He was going to reply with some romantic French words and I was going to have my first real boyfriend.

"Sarah thinks I have nice eyes," he chuckled. Sarah was some bimbo that sat in the front row. Pursing my lips, I glared at her for a second.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she left a note in my locker," he grinned. "I'm asking her out at lunch."

Sighing, I sat back and ignored the slight ache in my chest. It must have been sore because it had been beating so fast.

"Have you ever been to France?" Peter asked, snapping me from my memory.

"No. I've never been out of Washington."

"I was going to take Jasper to Paris," he whispered sadly. Turning away from me, he continued, "I wanted to give him the world."

For once in my life, I knew when to keep my mouth shut.

Katelyn was still droning on and on about her horrible, traumatic life that led a woman who had the whole white picket fence and two-point-five kids thing going on to rely on drugs to get through her awful days.

Fuck that.

As I looked around the room, I realized none of those people knew the meaning of the word horrible or traumatic or tragic. They had no fucking clue how easy they had it, even if they were addicts. Their sob stories were just that, sob stories, created to get sympathy and blame something, or someone, for their drug abuse.

Bob the Biker had blamed his gang because being a bike gang leader was harder than it looked. Katelyn blamed her husband for making her go down the expert slope when she clearly wasn't ready. Carlton blamed pressure from his parents, and a camp counselor from some upscale camp he had attended when he was ten. Said the guy had molested him and had forced him to try coke, and cock, for his first time. Carlton was gay, no doubt about it, and his 'abuse' story was a great way for him to still suck dick and tell his parents it was because of what had happened to him that awful summer. Heather claimed her boyfriend got her into drugs. I wondered if she put out for it. Matt/Mike/Mort blamed the pressures of work and having to keep up appearances and live up the standard of the Joneses. I didn't know who they were, but they weren't to blame. Their stories were nothing compared to what I had survived, and it was insulting to sit there and listen to them. I saw right through their dramatic lies, and I couldn't believe that no one else could, including the good ole doctor.

"How about we call it a day?" Dr. Dolan suggested, glancing at his watch. He was probably late for his tee time. "We'll meet again tomorrow. Same time."

Oh goodie.

"Riley, don't forget, we've got individual therapy tomorrow morning at ten," he reminded me as I stood up.

Nodding, I turned and left, heading straight for my room. I was getting around a lot better, my incision was still sore, but the bandage was off and the stitches were gone. The cast on my arm was still there though. Another few weeks with it. Not bothering to turn on the light, or close the door all the way, I went to the bed and fell on my stomach. God, I was so fucking tired all the time. I hadn't been that tired when I was living on the streets and staying up getting fucked all night.

My mind immediately went back to my time on the streets. How simple it was out there. Things were way more fucked up now than ever. Jasper was a ghost of the boy I knew. The day Edward left, Jasper did nothing but cry in my arms. That night I managed to get him into bed, even undressed, before I got in with him and held him, trying everything I could think of to calm him down. Nothing worked. I even thought about playing the piano for him but then thought it might make him sadder. The paper sitting on the floor by the front door pretty much answered all the questions I had. Edward wanted Jasper to go to Chicago in a week. But Jasper wasn't going to go because I had made him promise not to leave me, telling him I couldn't make it through this shit without him. And I couldn't. I needed him. Even I knew it was selfish, but I didn't care.

As he slept restlessly in my arms, I remembered him and Edward together. Everything they did was synchronized, down to their breathing. I don't even think they realized the way they moved around each other was perfectly timed and instinctual. I saw the way Beautiful looked at Jasper. I'd never seen anything like it. It was like he would cease to breathe if Jasper wasn't near.

It was a day later before Jasper crawled out of bed to do something other than take a piss. Neither one of us had eaten or showered, but he got out of bed late Monday, claiming he had to get ready for work. I'd seen Jasper torn up over Edward before, but this was different. It was worse. There was a finality to it that I hadn't felt before.

He crawled out of bed and stumbled to the shower. Worried, I followed him, pausing in the doorway when I heard him crying. Not even bothering to take off my underwear or cover my cast, I opened the stall door and got inside, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. Resting my forehead against his shoulder, I squeezed him to me. The spray from the showerhead ran down on him, flattening his hair to his head.

"Angel," I sighed, completely lost as to how to comfort him. Suddenly, he turned in my arms, burying his face in my neck and soaking me with his tears. While he clung to me, I held him tightly, offering what little comfort I could. Finally pulling free, I had him stand under the water while I grabbed the body wash and lathered him up. His hand hung low as I washed him, directing him to rinse off before shampooing his hair. When I was done, I helped him out, dried him off, then got him dressed in a dark suit.

"You look really handsome," I whispered when I was doing up the buttons of his white shirt. I grabbed a tie from his closet and laid it around his neck, but then had no idea how to tie it. His hands came up and he did it himself. After he was dressed, he paced the living room. Sitting there watching him go back and forth was like watching a tennis match. Reaching out, I grabbed his wrist. "What's going on?"

"I'm afraid you're going to leave while I'm gone," he admitted.

"I won't. I promise."

He chewed on his lower lip. He didn't believe me. Releasing him, I sat back. "Fine. Don't go."

"I need to. We need the money."

Suddenly, his face calmed and he reached into his pocket for his phone. "Hey," he spoke to whoever answered. "I'm okay. I…um…need a favor. A big one."

Next thing I knew, he was giving out his address and hanging up. Less than twenty minutes later there was knock on his door. He bolted to it before I could even move off the couch. Immediately, I recognized the voice. They walked over to me and my eyes dropped to see if he had his boots on.

He did.

Not only did he have his boots on, but he had dark, tight jeans on with a maroon sweater. "Hey, Cowboy, draw the short straw on the babysitting duties?" I sighed.

"I volunteered," he answered.

Bringing my eyes to Jasper, I glared at him. "I told you I wouldn't leave."

"And I want to be sure you don't." He turned to Peter. "I gotta go. Aro's waiting for me. I've got two appointments but I should be home by midnight." Peter lifted his hand and cupped Jasper's cheek, tracing the lines of recently dried tears.

"You okay, babe?" Swallowing thickly, Jasper nodded slightly before placing a kiss on Peter's cheek. Jasper left and Peter sat down next to me on the couch.

"At least the accommodations are better than the hospital." I shrugged before getting up and going into my room.

The next day, and the day after that, were a repeat. Jasper stayed in bed all day, sometimes crying, sometimes just staring at nothing and hugging Teddy. I stayed by his side every second, even when he told me he wanted to be alone, I refused to leave him. My heart broke for him. Nothing I did helped. I offered to let him fuck me, but he said no. When I asked him if he had talked to Beautiful, he said it was too hard. When I pushed him on it, he said it was better for Edward to have a clean break, whatever the fuck that meant. He said Edward needed to move on and if he talked to Edward it would give him hope that they could still be together.

And apparently hope was bad.

I wasn't exactly clear on why they couldn't still be together, but I knew better than to ask.

More than once I thought about using Jasper's cell phone to send Edward a text and let him know just how bad Jasper was feeling. I knew if Edward knew how much Jasper was suffering, he would come back. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't let him take Jasper away from me. My fingers would hover over the keys of Jasper's phone but I never pressed them. As awful as it was, I wanted Jasper with me more than I wanted him with Edward.

Each night, my babysitter promptly arrived and I promptly shut myself in my room.

That all changed Thursday night.

Peter showed up on schedule, Jasper kissed him on the cheek and left for work.

"Want to order a pizza?" I asked Peter. Like Jasper, I hadn't eaten in days, only for once I was actually hungry.

"How about I see what's in the kitchen and make dinner for us?" he offered, getting off the couch before I could refuse. He hadn't been in the kitchen long before I got curious and had to go see what he was doing.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing," I said, sitting at the table and staring at his ass. If he was going to try to keep me out of my room, I was going to at least enjoy the view.

"Don't think I don't know you're staring at my ass," he glanced at me over his shoulder and I shrugged. "There is no food here. What have you guys been living on?"

"Define living."

Sighing, he closed the door the fridge. "You need food. Want to run down to the store with me?"

"What?" I hadn't left the apartment since Jasper and Edward had brought me home.

"The store. There's one on the corner a block down. Get dressed."

I went into my room and dug through the clothes on the floor to find the ones Peter had bought for me. When I walked back out, he was turning off the TV.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded. When he went to close the door, I stopped him.

"How will we get back in?"

"Jasper gave me a key." I followed him down the hall and onto the elevators. Nervously I stared at his reflection in the doors. "You okay?"

No. I wasn't. I wasn't sure I could do it. As much as I wanted to, I wasn't sure I could go outside, smell the streets, hear those distinct sounds, and not bolt. It was my chance. While Peter looked to be in good shape, probably ran every morning, he couldn't hide on the streets like I could.

"Aren't you afraid I'm going to run?" I asked him as the doors opened and he stepped off.

"Not really."

"Didn't Jasper tell you I've tried to leave a few times?"

"Why do you think he called me to stay with you?"

All right, I was confused. If Peter knew I was a flight risk, why wasn't he worried I would run from him?

"I think deep down you want get better and you know this is your chance. Besides," he answered my unasked question, "I would hunt your ass down. I happen to have friends in low places."

"Not this low."

"I wouldn't make that bet if I were you," he challenged.

As soon as we walked through the doors in the lobby, the scent and sounds of the streets hit me. Fucking hard. Exhaust from cars, people, food from restaurants. Horns blared, police sirens screamed in the distance, lights blinked and blinded, people walked by us, puddles gathered on the sidewalk. It was home. I didn't realize I was shaking until he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, if you can't do this we go back up and order takeout."

His warmth seeped through my shirt and I shuddered for a different reason. "I'm okay," I lied.

I wasn't okay. I wanted to run, I could practically fucking smell the drugs, almost feel them already coursing through my bloodstream, giving me that high I'd been missing for so long. There was only one thing that kept my feet still.

His hand on me.

"Let's go back," he said.

"No!" I couldn't miss my chance to… "I'm okay. Really."

He glanced around, then took his hand off my shoulder and I sucked in a sharp breath. It was now or never. My eyes darted around for the nearest route, the one would bring me back to the docks, to Ricky and drugs, the quickest.

Then, just as I thought about taking that first step, the warmth from my shoulder suddenly filled my trembling hand. Looking down, I saw his hand engulfing mine. I'd never held hands with anyone but Jasper before. Well, and a boy I had known in high school. I went to tug my hand free, but he only tightened his grip.

"I can see it in your eyes. You're thinking about it," he whispered. "Don't do it, Riley."

"Why?" I breathed.

"Because you've got a chance here, don't blow it."

Shaking my head, I clenched my eyes. "Just let me go. He won't know. Just say I left when you were in the bathroom or something."

"No. I'm not going to lie to him for you. But if you want to go, right now, I won't stop you, but I don't think you really do."

"I do. I fucking really do," I confessed, my voice barely audible.

Suddenly the warmth was gone and my hand was hanging there, empty. "Then go."

I sucked in gulps of air, my mind twisting with my options as I looked around. There was a woman across the dress in a short fur coat. Her purse was huge. I could easily cross the street and rip her purse off her shoulder. Probably had enough cash for a few hits. It was early, Ricky would still be at the docks. He would give me what I needed, what my entire body craved more than the food Peter and I were going to get. I wouldn't even have to turn a trick, I could just get high in the abandoned building.

Peter kept his eyes on me as he took a step backwards. Instinctively, I stepped toward him. Like a fucking moth to the flame. He took another. So did I. My eyes never left his as he took a few more steps, then stopped. When I stopped, I realized I was as close to him as before. There was no more space between us.

As much as I had wanted to, I hadn't run. I'd followed him.

Lifting his hand, he held it out for me. Reaching out with my own shaking one, I took his and he smiled. "Come on," he said, tugging on me. "Let's get food."

We walked down the street, our hands tightly gripping between us. It felt odd. Nice. "How did you know I wouldn't go?" He had to have been pretty fucking confident that I wasn't going to bolt.

"I could just tell."

"How?"

"I'm pretty good at reading people."

So was I. Except for the man walking next to me.

"Jasper tells me you've agreed to go to rehab."

"Yeah, but…I don't know."

He stopped short, jerking me to a stop with him. "Excuse me?"

"I told him I would, but I'm not stupid. I know it's expensive. I know Jasper can't afford it. I'm going to end up back out here anyway. It's only a matter of time."

"No, you're not," he growled. "I saved your ass, you're going to get clean."

"It's a fantastic ass though. Totally worthy of saving," I tried to smile.

"But is the rest of you?"

I couldn't face those eyes so I looked down at the dirty, wet sidewalk. "Not sure."

"I am," he replied quickly and with confidence. "You might not ever have another chance like this again. Get your life back, get the life you deserve to live."

"How?"

"Go to rehab."

"Are you this dominating in bed too?" I raised a brow.

"More."

I didn't doubt it.

"Fuck," I groaned.

"I'll make some phone calls tomorrow," he said, leaving no room for debate. He walked quickly, pulling me along beside him. Once we reached the store, he compromised and let me push the wagon after he said no to me sitting in it. We went up and down the aisles.

"Anything?"

He nodded. "Anything you want."

Glancing around, I leaned toward him and whispered in his ear. "I can jack some food of it if you want."

"Not necessary. Just fill the cart."

So I did. With cookies, chips, bacon, beer, frozen pizza, and oranges. Vitamin C was very important. I'd learned that in health class once.

"You like oranges?"

"Yeah. Vitamin C is good for you," I answered proudly. Sometimes I impressed even myself.

Smiling, he nodded. "Yes, it is. Oranges are my favorite fruit."

"I guess we have something in common besides Jasper's cock," I returned. Ignoring the gasp from the old granny next to us, I pushed the cart down the aisle. Peter apologized to the woman and then caught up to me.

"Do you even have a verbal filter?"

"Where's the fun in that?"

He mumbled under his breath, something about more than he bargained for, and then grabbed a few things for the dinner he had planned. When he put a gallon of milk in the wagon, I grinned.

"Milk has Vitamin D. It's good for your bones," I beamed at my knowledge. Jasper would be impressed.

"Yes and yes."

Once the cart was half full, we headed to the front of the store and waited in line. Nervous, I practically bounced around.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied again. I wasn't used to paying for food. I didn't know how to do it. Peter emptied our wagon and the girl behind the small counter slid our food across the scanner. My heart pounded in my chest when she told us it was going to be fifty dollars and sixty cents. I didn't have that kind of money. But Peter took his credit card out and swiped it. We left with our food and I hadn't even stolen any of it.

Not one thing.

There was no hand holding on the way back to the apartment because our arms were heavy with bags. Peter talked the entire way, and I knew he was trying to keep my mind off the fact that my entire body was in flight or fight mode. And I wanted flight. More than a dozen times in the span of the short walk I thought about dropping the food and making a run for it. I'd be around the corner before he even realized I was gone. With my knowledge of the streets, there was no way he could find me. Not until it was too late anyway.

But each time I thought about it, Jasper's face popped into my head. He was out getting fucked to pay for my rehab. I remembered how happy and proud he looked the night I'd told him I would go. All those nights on the streets we'd had each other's backs, all the shit we'd been through together, I couldn't do it to him. I couldn't let him down. Not again.

I was breathless with the effort of resisting escape by the time we reached Jasper's building. We lugged the bags to the apartment and Peter opened the door. After putting the food in the kitchen, I mumbled I was going to take a shower while he cooked. Stripping my clothes on the way, I turned on the water and got inside before it was even warm. Slowly, I slid down the tiled wall until my ass sat on the floor of the stall. Bending my knees, I put my forehead on them and began to cry.

My body physically ached and yearned for a high. I hurt all over, but it was my heart that hurt more than anything. And for once I didn't think getting high would fix it, and that scared me.

That Saturday, Jasper never got ready for work. He never left my arms. We were in bed, we had barely gotten up, Jasper's back against chest. Nudging the nape of his neck with my nose, I rubbed his hipbone with my thumb.

"Angel, don't you have work?" He shook his head, then rolled over and pulled me closer to him. "No johns tonight?"

"Peter reserved me for the weekend," he mumbled into my chest. His hand ran lazily up and down my back and I couldn't help it when my cock reacted to having him so close and started to lengthen. I hadn't slept in my room since Edward had left and being naked with Jasper next to me all night every night began to frustrate me. I hadn't had sex in weeks, since the day I'd been beaten. With the exception of Edward's blow job, I hadn't gotten off in almost as long.

"We need to talk," Jasper announced quietly. "Peter was able to get you into that rehab we showed you the other day."

A few days earlier Peter had come over and while I sat next to Jasper, Peter was on his laptop. I didn't look, I didn't want to see it then. It would make it too real. When he was done, he lifted his eyes to mine and stared at me, a decision weighing on him. It was a few long moments before he finally sighed and moved his gaze to Jasper.

Then he offered to pay for it. All of it. When Jasper refused, Peter said it could be a loan. It was my only chance, and for once, I wanted it. More than anything I wanted it.

I turned to Jasper, asking, "Can we do that?"

"Yeah, we can do that," he answered quietly. He was willing to do anything for me, he'd already proven that by leaving Edward. After a quick kiss to Jasper, I went to peter and sat on his lap. Turning his face to me, I kissed him too, barely pushing my tongue between his lips. My stomach flipped, like I was sick but I wasn't. It was more of a nervousness or excitement that I couldn't contain. The feeling that rushed through me was similar to a high. I felt dizzy and warm and really fucking relaxed and tense at the same time. I'd only felt that way with one other person, and he was sitting a few feet away from me.

In Jasper's arms, I inhaled sharply. This shit was becoming a reality way too quick. "When?" I choked out.

"Monday morning."

I lost it. Clenching my eyes shut, I tried to stop the tears but they came anyway. Jasper pulled my head to his and let me cry. I felt foolish, but I'd never been so scared. What if I failed? What if it didn't work? What if I got done and I still wanted the drugs? It took everything I had left in me to not push Jasper out of bed and run to the door. Naked or not, I didn't care, I needed to get out before they locked me up for good.

"I'm not leaving you," he reminded me. His hand skimmed my side, gently stroking up and down while I shook under his touch. "You can do this, sweetheart, I know you can."

Before he even finished saying the words, I was shaking my head, my hair falling in front of my face. "I can't. I can't. I can't."

"Yes, you can. You're the strongest person I know."

I tried a different tactic. "I can't leave you. What are you going to do without me?"

He sighed and I saw his bottom lip begin to quiver. "I don't know," he replied honestly. "But I'll be able to visit you. Peter told me a few things about it."

"Like what?" I reached up and wiped my cheeks. Stupid fucking tears.

"He showed me some pictures. It's really nice. He also got you a private room so you won't have a roommate to bother you. I can't see you for the first seventy-two hours, but after that I can come visit you every few days."

"You can come see me?"

"It's really close. I will come every day I'm allowed to," he promised. His touch on my body began to soothe me and my racing heart started to slow down and my breaths started to even out.

"How long will I be there?"

"Four months."

"WHAT!" I jerked back. "Are you fucking serious? Four fucking months? No fucking way. No. Isn't going to happen. Fuck it. Just let me go." I tried to push him away but his hand on my side suddenly dug into me and before I could react, he slung a leg over me and pulled me to him. I struggled against his hold, but he was too strong. My healing bruises began to sting under his strength and my incision tightened and pulled sharply. "Jesus fucking Christ, let me go."

I fought him, but his arms had pinned mine down and I ended up just uselessly squirming against him, accomplishing nothing but getting an erection because our cocks were pressed together. Grunting, I thrashed until I exhausted myself, finally falling limp. Gradually, he cautiously loosened his hold on me, but he never completely let me go. I felt his cock twitching against mine.

"That's only a day from now," I mumbled. "That's why Peter gave you the weekend off, isn't it?"

Jasper nodded. "He wanted me to be able to spend it with you. What do you want to do? Want to watch Wizard of Oz?"

It was one fucked up movie, and honestly those flying monkeys scared the fucking shit out of me. It just wasn't right. Then again, neither was a tin man or dancing gay scarecrow. But it was a movie that brought Jasper some joy, it was something he reverted to when he was scared.

"Do you have popcorn?"

For the first time Edward had left, Jasper almost smiled as he nodded. "Let's get pizza first."

"Only if you let me tip the delivery boy," I suggested and he nodded again.

So we spent my second to last night of freedom watching Dorothy find her way home while eating pizza and popcorn on Jasper's bed. Other than having my best friend with me, the highlight of my night had been answering the door in my birthday suit and seeing the blush on the guy's face as I handed him the money. I brought the pizza back into the bedroom.

"Did you tip him?"

"Best tip of his damn life," I chuckled.

I wasn't going to lie. Every second I sat there, even when I was wrapped up in the cocoon of Jasper's body, I wanted to flee. Get the fuck out of Dodge and all that shit. There wasn't a single part of me that didn't scream at me to run. Wait for Jasper to fall asleep and then run.

But for some reason I never did.

I let him hold me and I held him back. All night long.

Sighing at the memory, I stared blankly at the ceiling, much like Jasper did when Edward was gone. Rolling onto my back, I blindly reached out with my good arm and felt for the soft fur I knew was resting against my pillow. I pulled it to me, holding it close before lifting my head to bury my nose in it and inhale Jasper's weak scent.

Even after two weeks, it was still clinging to the brown fur of his Teddy bear. Probably because I had made him sleep with it between us my last night before I was admitted. My cock twitched at the memory and I groaned. When I could practically feel Jasper's warmth next to me, I realized I was probably going to have to jerk off. Not like I had anything else to do. Playing shuffleboard or taking a walk weren't exactly high on my priority list.

My mind easily slipped back to that night two weeks before. My last night of freedom.

We had slept in from the night before. I woke up with him spooning me and I felt okay until I remembered it was my last day with him. But before I could sneak out of bed and out the door, he woke up and kissed my shoulder. I don't know how the fuck he made it all okay with a kiss, but he did. He coaxed me out of bed and into the shower. It was Sunday morning. The flight that Edward had left the ticket for was only a few hours away, but Jasper never mentioned it. I thought the lack of tears in the shower was because he was getting better, but when I looked into his eyes I saw the agony he was carrying around every second. They were faded and empty of the light that being with Edward had filled them with. Jasper was holding back his emotions because of me. He didn't want to upset me on my last day.

And he said I was the strongest person he knew.

After the shower, we put on some sleep pants and he led me to the living room where he opened his laptop and showed me the rehab center's website. He went over a few things Peter had told him about it and showed me some pictures and a video.

Stupidest fucking video ever.

Beautiful people smiling. As if all addicts were hot and happy. Fuck that. They were ugly and miserable. Drugs fucked with your looks. You took the wrong shit and you lost your teeth or messed up your skin. Then the video showed the same people running along the beach and doing yoga.

What. The. Fuck.

I glared at Jasper. "I'm not doing fucking yoga."

He continued to stare at the monitor, but I swear he smiled. "You'd look hot in spandex."

"Well, yeah, but I'm still not doing it."

Then the people were hugging and talking. I imagined there would be a lot of that shit going on. I didn't hug just anyone. That was personal. Fuck them? Sure. Hug them? No.

Next he showed me checklist of what I could and couldn't bring.

"Mouthwash? I can't bring mouthwash?"

He shrugged.

"It says I need a driver's license or ID," I said, almost hopefully. I didn't have those. If all places wanted them, I wouldn't be able to go.

"Peter took care of it. He explained part of your situation and they waived it."

"Fuck," I growled under my breath. Fucking efficient Peter. I hated him.

"We need to get you some things. Like shampoo and stuff. Want to go shopping?"

He was heading for his bedroom before I could reply. Sighing, I clicked through some more of the site, trying to find out where I was going to be spending the next four months.

We got dressed and headed downstairs. I hadn't been out since Peter had taken me grocery shopping, but Jasper didn't seem worried I would run either. As we approached the lobby doors, I felt my heart skipping a few beats in anticipation. I was getting ready to run, my mind raced to plan my escape route. But as much as my brain told me to run, my heart looked at the boy next to me, trying to act brave when I knew he was just as fucking scared as I was. Instead of running, I grabbed his hand, weaving our fingers together as we stepped out onto the sidewalk.

Jasper grounded me.

He reminded me of the man I could be. The one that he saw inside me, the one that I had thought I'd lost a long time ago. Somehow Jasper saw that boy and had faith in him.

He hailed us a cab and we got inside. It was easier in the car and my body settled a little. Jasper had the guy drop us off at a large store and pulled me out of the cab. We found the men's department and picked out some clothes for me. Some jeans, a lot of tee shirts, a few sweatshirts, new underwear, and socks. He looked at me funny when I asked if they were Armando jeans.

Jasper paid with cash and we left with a few stuffed bags. Instead of getting another cab, he held my hand and we walked the half a block to a drug store where he bought me deodorant, toothpaste, body wash, shampoo, razors and shaving cream. He carried two bags in one hand so he could still hold mine as we left and he caught another cab. Stuffing everything in the backseat, he asked if wanted to go out to eat but I said no.

"I just want to spend the night with you," I said, putting my head on his shoulder.

Back at his apartment, he pulled out his luggage, the suitcase he had used for Texas and his trip with Edward.

"You can use this."

If Jasper was giving me his suitcase, he wasn't planning on going to Chicago.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he whispered before quickly turning and going to his room.

Figuring he could use some time alone, I stayed in my room and stuffed the clothes he'd bought me into the suitcase. I grabbed Jasper's pajama pants I'd been wearing and put them in. When everything was packed, I sat on my bed and looked around the room. I'd only been there a few weeks but it was the closest thing to a home I had. It was the first place I had spent more than a few nights at in four years. I still felt caged, but I was beginning to see the advantages to having a place to stay every night. A bed, food and a place to shower. All the comforts most people took for granted every fucking day. Sitting on the bed, I thought about living there with Edward and Jasper and all that had happened. I remembered finding them fucking on the couch. How feral it had been. But at the same time, there had been something else there. Jasper slammed into Edward, but then he leaned over him and kissed him as tenderly as he could. It wasn't fucking, it was something different.

They were making love.

And I watched them. I watched Jasper take Edward, make him come without even touching him, then empty his own cock inside Beautiful's perfect ass. I left, went back to my bedroom and closed the door, practically panting from what I'd seen. Ignoring my hard on, I got into bed. Seeing them had bothered me. I'd seen Jasper fuck a lot of people, but not like that. Instead of falling asleep to images of them fucking, I fell asleep to images of Jasper making love to me just like he did Edward. I had never even jerked off.

Standing, I walked into Jasper's room and found him lying on the bed on his side, Teddy wrapped in his arms as silent tears streamed down his face. I walked over to him and knelt beside his bed. He opened his eyes and looked at me.

God, he looked so fucking lost.

"Jasper, will you do something for me before I go?" I asked softly.

Exhaling, he nodded. "Anything."

Unable to hold his gaze, I looked down at his lips. "Will you make love to me?" Before he could answer, I continued, "I've seen you do it with Edward. Even when you fuck him, it's love. I want that. I don't think I'll ever have it with anyone else and I want to know what it's like."

Releasing Teddy, he reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. "C'mere," he said, tugging on the ends of my hair.

I got onto the bed next to him and he drew me into a kiss, light and gentle at first, but then I felt his tongue trace the seam of my lips and I parted them for him. The spark between us ignited and the kiss immediately went from gentle to passionate. Tongues swept over each other, lips mashed together, and noses bumped while hands fumbled with clothing. The kiss was only broken to pull shirts over our heads. A few minutes later, our pants lay in a heap on the floor as his fingertips danced along the discolored skin of my back as he pulled me on top of him, his mouth moving along my jaw. Under his briefs, his erection throbbed, and I knew that as much as his body wanted me, his heart wanted another. Moaning, I lifted myself and looked down at him. His cheeks were still damp from his tears. I lowered myself and kissed them away, tasting the salt they had left behind.

"Make love to me, angel," I whispered in his ear. "Not him. Me."

Gasping, his breath stopped before he exhaled and nodded. I brushed my cheek against his, sharing his pain, nuzzling it away until my lips met his mouth in a savage, needy kiss. His blunt nails dug into my ass as he pressed me to him. My own hands reached his hair, brushing it off his face, I twisted it around my fingers, desperate to keep him with me. Only me. Leaving his mouth, my lips traveled over his jaw and down his neck.

"Riley," he released in a throaty murmur as his cock twitched. I smiled against the tender skin of his neck. He was thinking of me.

He didn't argue that I wasn't supposed to have sex, he just gave me what I needed.

Him.

I worked my way down his body, kissing every inch of his chest along the way. When I felt the elastic of his underwear, I paused, looking up at him through my lashes one last time. His darkened eyes were on me, his lip between his teeth. Watching him, I hooked my fingers in the waistband and tugged it down over his cock, my own jerking when the head of his tapped my chin. Immediately, my tongue came out and I dragged it along the entire length of his cock. Finally taking my gaze from his, I closed my eyes and concentrated on how good he tasted, how incredible he smelled. Running my nose along him, I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with his scent, committing it to memory. When I reached his sac, I took one ball into my mouth and sucked hard, pleased when his hips bucked up wanting more. I splayed my hands on his hips, holding him still as I lavished attention to his balls, licking and sucking until each one was thoroughly soaked and tight with need.

"Need you," he groaned. "So fucking bad."

"You got me, angel," I reminded him as I slid his briefs down far enough so he could kick them off. Once freed, he parted his legs wider and I buried my face in his ass. Parting his cheeks with my hands, I darted my tongue out, letting it trace his entrance a few times to tease him before spitting on him and dipping my tongue into his hole.

"Fuck," he moaned, turning his head to the side and closing his eyes. Shamelessly, he reached down around his thighs and lifted his legs for me, exposing his tight hole for me to devour. My own hips moved against the bed in hopes of relieving some of the pressure, but it was useless. I needed him. Peeking out from between his legs, I eyed him, proud to see pleasure, and not pain, on his face. Covering his hands on his legs with mine, I continued to tongue fuck him, prodding his fluttering hole as deeply as I could. I'd never had a sweeter tasting ass.

Letting his legs fall, I moved from his ass, and after placing a kiss on his cock and licking the bead of precum off the tip while I was there, I slid back up his body until our mouths met. Grinding my cock into his, I relaxed my weight on him completely, moaning when I felt his hands sliding my underwear down my ass. Our kisses never became insistent, they remained lingering and tender, tongues sharing reacquainted flavors. Jasper's body was like a livewire. Every place I touched, he trembled and groaned. He was so fucking responsive to everything I did, and I couldn't help but fall deeper into his embrace, returning his fevered reactions.

I knew what he wanted, what he needed, before he even asked. He didn't have to speak for me to know what his body craved. We had certainly been together enough for me to know each and every reaction and what they meant. With his hands tangled in my hair, his body writhed under mine.

"Will you top me?" he asked with a raspy voice into the kiss between his shallow breaths.

I had topped him before. A few times. Jasper and I had a give and take sexual relationship. We took out the frustration and anger that had built up on the streets on each other. In the abandoned building, I would beg him to fuck me and he did, but on the rare occasion, the tables turned and it had been Jasper begging for my cock in him. I realized that topping Jasper when he needed it most, when he needed to be taken care of, was part of making love.

Nodding, I captured his lips again, moving one hand from his hip to my underwear to pull them off the rest of the way. Once they were off, I reached for the lube on the table and broke the kiss to kneel between his parted legs. He gazed at me through half closed lids as I drizzled lube on my fingers and reached down to his ass. Watching him, I slipped my middle finger inside him, gently pushing it deeper until his back arched and he groaned.

Like I said, I knew Jasper's body. As well as my own. I knew exactly where that sweet spot was inside him. Grazing it again, he repeated his movement, pushing his ass down onto my finger. Quickly and easily, I slid another inside him, twisting them back and forth until he was pumping his hips for more.

"Please," he begged quietly. There was flush all over his cheeks and neck, even his shoulders were pink from arousal, but his cock remained untouched. Both his hands were next to him clutching the blanket as he wantonly fucked himself with my fingers. "I need you." He caught my eyes and held them.

Sliding my fingers out, I leaned over him and grabbed a condom from the table, ripping it open. As if it was the last act of his request, confirming what he'd already asked for, he rose to his elbows and took the condom from me. He tugged the condom down my cock, then pulled on my hands until I was pressing his body into the mattress with my weight. Our cocks rubbed along each other as we kissed more frantically than before. Suddenly, Jasper flipped us over so he was lying on me.

"Fuck, angel," I groaned when the head of my cock grazed the crack of his ass. "Need to be in you."

Wordlessly he placed his knees on either side of my hips, our cocks met repeatedly. Holding his biceps, I bit my lip as he raised his hips and gripped my cock. Slowly, he lowered himself onto me until the head of my cock was pushing inside him, stretching him. He stopped, taking a few deep breaths. I wanted nothing more than to slam my hips up and bury my cock balls deep in him, but that wasn't making love. Pain and ecstasy crossed Jasper's face as his ass adjusted and he slid further down my cock. Gritting his teeth, he dropped his head forward as he continued to move until my cock was completely sheathed in the tightest ass I'd ever had. Once he was seated on me, he reached for my hand, tugging on it.

"C'mere," he mouthed.

Using my other hand, I pushed myself up until I was sitting. Jasper still straddled me, my cock was still buried in him as he wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me. His hips were still and my cock throbbed in him as our mouths never parted. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he began to circle his hips, grinding his ass on my cock until my eyes rolled back into my head.

"Jesus," I groaned into the kiss before he pulled away. Our chests were pressed together, our noses touching. Every one of his movements was slow and deliberate. Keeping me his rapt stare, he leisurely rode me, rolling his hips. One of his hands played with the ends of my hair while my arms were around his back, my nails digging into him as I tried to control myself. Breaching the small space between us, he softly kissed me.

Time seemed nonexistent. It could have been minutes or hours, I had no fucking idea. All I knew was he was on me, caressing me, kissing me, with my cock in his ass. When we weren't kissing, he was staring at me. His eyes were so blue, so full of emotions. I saw his longing and grief for Beautiful. I saw his love and pride for me. Hovering between us, his erection leaked onto me. I wrapped my fingers around him and gave him one good drag.

"Feels so good, sweetheart," he sighed.

In the dark bedroom, filled with our keening sounds and musky scent, Jasper showed me what making love was.

Making love was putting a condom on your lover to get them ready for you.

Making love was letting your lover decide the position even when you were topping.

Making love was going slow and letting your lover adjust, and not slamming into them.

Making love was stroking your lover instead of them doing it themselves.

Making love was wanting them to come and not caring if you did.

Making love was holding their stare, letting them see everything inside you even when it scared the shit out of you and made you feel vulnerable.

It seemed we lasted all night, our bodies shifting and sliding together, kissing and touching, stroking and groaning. The whispered words spoken between us were ones of love and promises. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. Jasper started to shake and I knew he was getting close. I pumped him faster until he was constantly whimpering.

"That's it, angel," I murmured in his ear. "Come for me."

A few strokes later, he did. His ass clenched around me as his cock pulsed in my hand, then erupted onto my chest. Long, ropes of his cum splattered onto us as his body shuddered and tensed with each hit of his orgasm. Resting his forehead on mine, his breath hot on my face, he lifted his ass a little, offering me exactly what I needed.

"Take me," he whispered.

Gripping his ass with both hands, I supported him while slowly moved to my knees. He locked his legs around me and I began to thrust up into his tight heat.

"Gonna come," I mumbled. Panting, I gazed into his eyes as my cock swelled in his ass and I came. Waves of pleasure hit me, crashing over my body and enveloping it in a euphoria I'd only known with Jasper. As my cock emptied in him, he continued to rock his hips on me, drawing out my climax for as long as possible. Grunting each time I felt my cock twitch, I clung to Jasper, kissing him gently. "Thank you for showing me what it was like."

"Rile, someday you're going to find someone to make love to you all the time, and they will be the luckiest person in the world."

I already did. If Jasper and I loved each other, why couldn't it be us? We were already boyfriends. "I love you," I breathed into the kiss.

"I love you too," he whispered.

It was long moments later before he eased himself off me and went to get a towel to clean up. After taking the condom off, I wiped off my chest and then welcomed him back into my arms. With him facing me, I slung a leg over his and pressed my body to him. His finger traced my eyes, cheeks and lips.

"I'm scared," I murmured.

"I know. Me too," he confessed. "Do you want to bring Teddy?"

I couldn't help but smile at his innocent offering. "Will you be okay without him?"

"You need him more." Reaching around him, I grabbed Teddy from the table and brought him between us, shoving him down toward our cocks. Jasper just stared at me.

"I want him to smell like you," I shrugged, bringing my hand back up to his. "What if I can't do it?"

"You can."

"How do you know that?" I scoffed, pissed he was so confident that I could do something so difficult.

"Because you're Riley, and Riley can do anything." He gave me a sad smile and I rolled my eyes. "At fifteen you were smart enough to find a way to survive. You've faced a lot of shit out there, and you're still here."

"I survived because of you."

"You survived because you're smart. You were out there for two years before I came along. I only kept you company."

"We had fun, didn't we?" I smiled.

"Yeah, we did."

We were quiet for a minute while his finger still roamed my face. "Jasper?" He didn't reply, just looked at me. "Are you going to go to Edward?"

Instantly his eyes closed. Just before the first tear slid from under his lashes, he shook his head. "I'm not leaving you."

My heart leapt at his promise. It was wrong. I knew it was wrong, but I still felt happy he was staying with me. "Maybe when I get out of rehab, we can go see him together?" I offered quietly.

He tried to smile, but failed, settling for a slight nod. "Yeah, maybe."

I didn't believe him.

There was no more talking for the rest of the night. There was only kissing and holding.

It was a perfect last night of freedom.

The next morning, Peter arrived and carried my bags downstairs to a big black car. Jasper and I sat in the backseat, my hand in his, my head on his shoulder while Peter drove us to the outer edge of Seattle. When he pulled up in front of what looked like a large stucco house, I took a few deep breaths. There were flowers planted along the walkway that led to the front steps. It was like they were trying to cheer people up before they faced four months of sheer hell. With Jasper's hand in mine, I walked through the heavy wooden doors. I didn't even notice what it was like inside. All I saw was a large counter where Peter talked with a woman. Jasper stood so close I could feel his body heat, and I reveled in my last few minutes with him.

The woman walked out from behind the counter and came over with Peter. She introduced herself as Carla, an intake specialist, whatever the fuck that was, and shook my hand. She went over the procedure with me, that was exactly what she called it, 'procedure', and then asked if I had any questions. I was too fucking scared for questions. Grasping Jasper's hand so hard I was sure I was hurting him, I shook my head.

"Then why don't you say goodbye to your friends and we can begin," she smiled. Numb, I nodded and watched her walk back to the counter.

Peter stepped forward and curved a hand around the back of my neck, pulling me to him. Leaning forward, he kissed my forehead, then put his mouth at my ear. "You can do this." With a small smile, he took a few steps back. "I'll wait for you outside," he said to Jasper and walked toward the door.

I had promised myself I wouldn't cry. I was going to be strong and show Jasper I could do it, but as soon as he turned to me, I lost it. Flinging myself at him, I clung to him tighter than I ever had.

"Please don't leave me here. I'll be good. I swear I won't ever use again," I begged desperately.

He held me just as tight. "Sweetheart, you need this. Get clean and then come back to me, okay? I'll be here for you."

"Please, angel, don't make me do this," I whispered as my tears soaked his tee shirt. Lifting his head from my shoulder, he took my chin into his hand and pulled me in for a kiss. It was sweet and tender and had all the promise of goodbye.

"I'll be back in seventy-two hours. If you need anything, make a list. Keep Teddy safe." Realizing he wasn't going to give in, I nodded and wiped the tears from my cheeks, trying to gather some fucking strength. "Love you, Rile."

"Love you too," I murmured and then felt his lips one last time before he took a step back. Then another and another until only our clasped hands were left touching. Then it was only fingertips, another step later and my empty hand fell limply to my side. With a half smile and sadness in his stormy eyes, he turned and left.

I was alone.

Carla came over to me as soon as Jasper was out the door. When she reached for my luggage, I grabbed her wrist.

"I need to search your belongings," she explained. Slowly, I let her go. "Come with me, let's get you started." After one last glance at the door to be sure Jasper hadn't changed his mind, I followed her down the hall to a small room. "This is our intake room."

She heaved the bag onto a table and unzipped it. After putting on some gloves, she began to shuffle through all my stuff. All my carefully folded clothes were a mess. When she reached my skimpy bright pink underwear, she raised a brow, but didn't say anything. Feeling like a caged animal, I stood in the corner with clenched fists, looking around. While she went through the bag, she spoke.

I didn't hear a fucking word she said.

"Did you hear me?" she asked, glancing up. "I asked when was the last time you used?"

"Used?"

"Drugs."

"I had morphine in the hospital."

"Nothing more?"

I shook my head. Apparently my luggage passed inspection because she zipped it up and turned to me.

"What? You need to search me now?"

"Not exactly, but I need to pat you down. So if you have any needles or drugs on you, hand them over now," she said. Her words were demanding, but her voice was calm, even soft.

When I didn't move, she came over and began to pat me down. I'd been arrested enough times, it wasn't anything I hadn't been through before. Reaching my feet, she had me take off my shoes and looked inside them before giving them back. Then she handed me a cup.

"I need a urine sample," she said.

"Right here? Now?"

"There's a bathroom behind you."

I took the cup and went into the bathroom, barely able to piss more than a few drops before I zipped up my pants and went back out.

"Sorry, that's all I've got."

"It's enough." She wrote my name on it. "I'll show you to your room," she said, leaving and expecting me to follow.

Grabbing my bag, I did just that. She opened the door and I walked in, instantly thankful I didn't have to share a room. The room was actually soothing with pale walls and dark wood floor. It was pretty big, as big as my room as Jasper's, and there was a window on one wall with olive green curtains on it. The bed was big enough for two, which confused me. The blankets on it matched the curtains. Next to it was a dark dresser with a mirror above it and across from the end of the bed was a fireplace. There was no television.

"There is a close circuit camera in each room," Carla said, pointing to the corner by the bed. "Video only, no sound. The bathroom is there." Opening the door, I peeked inside and saw a large shower stall and marble sink. Towels and extra supplies were stacked on a shelf. "Lights out at eleven, but you can read or something if you can't sleep. Mr. Carlson said you are on Clonazepam and Naltrexone for physical withdrawals?"

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"How are they working for you? Strong enough?"

"I guess."

"Do you still have any symptoms? Seizures, vomiting, pains?"

"I shake a lot," I answered, holding my hand up to prove it to her. My fingers trembled even as I tried to hold them still.

"Well, after Dr. Dolan takes your history and gives you a physical, he might prescribe Methadone."

Drugs to stop the drugs. It made no fucking sense to me.

"He'll be by in a few minutes. Why don't you get settled in?" She gave me a smile and then left, leaving my door wide open. Sighing, I sat on the bed and looked around. What the fuck had I gotten myself into?

The knock on my door startled me and I jumped. A man with short gray hair and glasses came in. I knew he was a doctor because he had a stethoscope around his neck. He introduced himself as Dr. Dolan and then led me down to an examination room where he had me strip down to my underwear. He didn't gasp when he saw my healing bruises or the scar from my incision.

"Why don't you get on the examination bed," he instructed and I climbed on it. "What happened?"

"Bar fight."

"Quite a beating."

"I don't remember."

He nodded but I wasn't sure if he believed me. Not that I cared. He looked me over, paying close attention to my forearms, behind my knees and feet. I knew he was looking for the injection marks, but there were none. Then he checked my heart, lungs, and a bunch of other shit. He asked questions about my medical past and drug use. What kind, how often, how I did them.

"Any medical issues we should be aware of?"

"Other than the obvious? No."

I had always lived my life for me. No one else. I did what I wanted to do, and I didn't make excuses for it. If I wanted to fuck someone, I did. If I wanted drugs, I did them. But sitting there, cold and under a bright light, I felt more naked than ever, and ashamed of what I had done in my past. Most of my replies were mumbled, but he wrote them all down. He never scolded me or said I was bad or wrong, he just accepted my answers. Then he asked the hardest question of all.

"Why are you here?"

How the fuck did I know?

Telling him 'because I hit Beautiful' didn't seem like the right answer. And I wanted to give the right answer.

I shrugged. "To get clean, I guess."

He nodded and wrote something down. "You can get dressed. We have group therapy in an hour. If you feel up to going, you can. If not, you can start tomorrow. I'm going to keep you on the meds you're getting already. They seem to be working well enough. You have no diet restrictions. I want your calorie intake upped and I am prescribing vitamins. You're malnourished and about thirty pounds underweight."

Maybe he should live on the streets for four years and let's see how underweight he is.

"Is that bad?" I swallowed.

"It's typical for drug users. Don't worry, a few weeks of our gourmet meals and you'll put it back on. You can get dressed." He stood and left me alone in the room.

Two weeks later, I was lying on my bed hugging Jasper's Teddy bear. It had been the two fucking longest weeks of my life. Ignoring my thoughts on the intake 'procedure', I focused on being with Jasper the night before I left. I was hard almost the second I imagined him sitting on me. The way he had writhed, begging with his body for me to take him. His ass was so hot and tight around my cock. Reaching down, I unbutton and unzipped my jeans, opening them enough to pull my briefs down over my erection.

"Mmm," I moaned, wrapping my fingers around myself.

I pushed Teddy aside. It didn't seem right to jerk off holding a bear. Jasper's scent from it was still in my lungs as I began to pump myself in slow, measured strokes. It wasn't long before my hips were lifting off the bed to meet my fist. The longer I imagined Jasper riding me, the more the tingling in my belly began to intensify. Wetness beaded at the slit in my cock, and I ran my thumb over it to spread it around the head, groaning when I did. After I pulled my shirt up my chest, I let my other hand move down to my balls, rolling and palming them. Jerking off was about the only thing that I enjoyed doing there. Sometimes I took care of my morning wood in the shower. Sometimes at night I lay naked on my bed with my legs spread wide as I fingered myself and imagined Beautiful giving me head.

The fact that a camera was recording my every move, and that there was someone watching it, only made me more excited. I loved shooting my load over myself knowing that the security guard was jerking off to watching me.

Although the self loving was getting old. I wanted a real ass to fuck. Real lips on my dick. I should have at least brought Jasper's FleshJack. I didn't remember seeing fuck toys on the not allowed list.

"Oh God," I groaned at the thought of Jasper again. His hands were all over me, his tongue was exploring my mouth, his hair was tickling my cheeks. More than anything, his ass was clenching around my cock. "Yeah, that's it, come for me." My hand dragged along his cock, so red and swollen as he neared his climax. When he broke the kiss and sat up, it wasn't Jasper anymore, but Beautiful. With a coy smirk, he worked my cock in small, tight circles until I thought I was going to burst. Throwing his head back, I watched his Adam's apple bob as he cried out. He knew how to work that sweet ass of his.

"You my slut?" I asked him and he nodded eagerly. "Fuck me, slut."

Impaling himself on my dick, he was wild with abandon until he screamed my name and released all over my chest. Lifting his head, he stared down at me with dark blue eyes, Jasper's eyes, and his hair lengthened and lightened. Jasper's hand rested on my cheek.

"I'll always be your whore," he whispered lovingly.

"Fuck," I cried out, grunting as my cock pulsed right before short bursts of cum erupted from it and landed in stripes on my chest. "Fuck, fuck." My hand still pumped myself while my other played with my balls, now loose from their release. Gradually, I stopped stroking all together and sat up. Stripping off my shirt, I tossed it aside and headed for the bathroom to wash up. My stomach growled, reminding me that dinner was in a few minutes. I wiped the cum off my chest with a towel, then ran a hand through my hair and went back to the bed.

Teddy lay next to where I had just jerked off and I felt slightly guilty for doing it front of him. Wasn't like he hadn't seen enough fucking in Jasper's bedroom. I should have turned him around. When Jasper had come to visit me the first day after my seventy-two hours was up, I had offered to let him take Teddy back. Jasper looked exhausted. There were dark circles under his eyes and his lips were dry. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was high. Except for the lost look in his eyes. They were bloodshot, but didn't have the tell tale glossiness of someone high did.

Jasper wasn't allowed in my room, so when he visited we went out to the backyard and sat at table. It was sunny for once, and Jasper actually smiled when I sat on his lap and not in another chair. I leaned my head on his and he wrapped his arms around me. It was so good to feel him again.

He looked awful. He looked tired and pale. And I knew why.

He told me I looked good and asked how I was doing with a quiet voice. I told him how much it sucked, how I wanted to crawl out of my skin and run away. At least I wasn't suffering the extreme physical withdrawals that others were. It seemed like someone was always vomiting. I did sleep a lot but supposedly that was normal. Jasper held my hand and kissed my neck.

"Is this okay?" he asked, motioning to how intimate we were sitting. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Like I give a shit," I mumbled, closing my eyes.

We didn't talk again until our hour was up. Sighing, I got up and walked him to the door.

"Take me with you?" I pleaded even though I knew he wouldn't. Instead, he kissed me, promising to be back in two days when he could visit again.

Then he left me there…again.

But he kept his word and came to see me every other day.

Moving Teddy to my pillows, I grabbed my shirt and put it back on. Then I left for the dining room.

I had expected a cafeteria style dining room, like the homeless shelters and soup kitchens with metal chairs around worn tables. The rehab's dining room was nothing like that. It was elegant with a large dark table and matching chairs. There were waiters that brought us our food and we all ate at the same time, only unlike in group therapy, we weren't' allowed to talk about drugs. Anything but our drug use. It was supposed to be preparing us for the real world and dealing with dinner situations after we left.

Sorry, but eating at a table, much less with people waiting on me, was as far from the real world as it got for me.

As usual, I ate in silence, barely listening to everyone's useless chatter around me. When the waiter came by, he gave me a sly wink and refilled my water glass for the third time. He left and I watched his ass in the black uniform pants. It wasn't bad. It wasn't as good as Jasper's but it would do in a pinch.

Smiling to myself, I wondered if there was a way I could sneak away and led him to a supply closet somewhere.

Dinner ended and I went back to my room. Carlton stopped by and asked if I wanted to watch TV with everyone but I said no. He looked at me longingly before walking off. He had left a puddle of drool on the floor where he stood.

Was there anyone that wasn't turned on by me?

Some days it was definitely more of a curse than a blessing.

Reaching for the iPod Peter had given me on his first visit, I put the things in my ears and turned on the music like he'd showed me. Thinking back to when he had come to see me, about a week after I had been dropped off, I closed my eyes. As the first song began to play, I sang along with it.

Riley
you don't have to put on the red light
those days are over
you don't have to sell you body to the night

"Why are you here?" I sneered at him as he sat down in the chair across from me. "Where's Jasper?"

"Working."

"At fucking two in the afternoon on a Tuesday? He promised me he would be here," I growled. Not that Peter wasn't nice to look at, but he wasn't who I wanted to see right then.

Shrugging, he said, "What can I say, he called me and said he had to work. I offered to come in his place. If you want me to go-"

"NO!" I snapped. "It's fine."

Having Peter there was better than no one.

"You look well," he said, tilting his head and exuding calmness and domination. "Feeling better?"

"Not really, no. I kind of want to walk out those fucking doors, find my dealer and get high," I admitted coolly.

"That's understandable," he nodded.

"It is? Gee, thanks." I was a sarcastic fuck and what did he do? He actually fucking smiled. "What are you smiling at?"

He shook his head. "Nothing." Sighing, I looked away. "I've got something for you."

My ears perked up and I turned to face him again. I liked presents. A lot. "What?"

Leaning forward, he pulled an iPod out of his pocket. I'd stolen quite a few of them from tricks' cars but I'd never actually used one.

"Come here and I'll show you," he said, patting his chair. Exhaling very dramatically, because I was good at that drama shit, I pretended to think about it and then got up and went to him. Sitting my ass on the arm of the chair, I looked down at him expectantly.

Still half smiling, he took one of the wires and reached up toward me. Instinctively, I backed away, my good hand swinging up to protect myself. He paused and lowered his hand. "Watch me." Lifting his hand to his own ear, he put the end of the wire into his ear, the motioned for me to do the same. I took the other wire and put it in my right ear.

"NOW WHAT?"

He didn't just smile that time, he actually laughed. "You don't have to yell. I can hear you."

Huh. He wasn't yelling and I could hear him.

Then he held up the iPod and began scrolling through it, clicking on something so quickly, I didn't see what it was. But I heard it.

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn't get much higher

Jim Morrison was crooning in my ear. I didn't even realize my head was bouncing with the beat until the song stopped and suddenly became Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper", nodding as I recognized it, he switched to "Dust in the Wind." It was all music that I had listened to as a teenager. I mean, what teenage boy didn't listen to The Doors? Morrison was hot. And bi.

"SOUNDS REALLY GOOD," I said and he laughed again. Slowly, he reached up and took the wire out of my ear. Pouting, I went to grab it from him, but he pulled it away. "You like classic rock?"

"I like all types, but I thought some of these songs were fitting for you. Want me to show you how to use it?"

Shrugging, I leaned closer to him as he held it up and began talking. "This is how you get to the playlists. See this one that says 'Riley'? That's yours. Then you press this and then press it again. To move through the music, you move this circle here." With my elbow on his shoulder, I watched as his large hands worked it. Maybe Jasper not coming wasn't so bad. "Got it?"

"You smell really nice." Cologne and…something else. Not body wash or shampoo though. It was more subtle. I wanted to lick him.

He ignored me. "Do you know how to work it?"

"Um, sure." Maybe. A little. Maybe not. "But why the quiz, Cowboy?"

He wrapped the wires around it and held it out to me. "Because it's yours. At least while you're in here."

"Wait, what?"

"I want you to use it. Trust me, it will help with the…urges. It's a good distraction. It worked for a friend of mine. Try it."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am."

"Are you always so formal?" Shifting, I put my mouth next to his ear. "I think I need to break you out of that formality. You need to let loose."

"I do?"

"Yep." I glanced around, we were alone. "There's a closet down the hall. Third door on the left. We can go in there. I'll blow you."

When he closed his eyes, I thought for a second he was considering my offer and I began to get hard already. "You don't need to blow me for the iPod."

"I'm not-"

"If you think of any other music you want on it, let me know and I'll add it for you."

The guy fucking confused me. I didn't understand how someone besides Jasper could give me shit and not want something for it. That wasn't how the world worked.

We spent the rest of the visit debating on the best classic rock band of all time. How he couldn't say it was The Doors was beyond me. "Sorry, Jagger has nothing on Morrison," I smirked.

Lying on my bed listening the music Peter had picked out for me, I held Teddy and remembered how scared I'd been that first night there.

After all the intake shit, I had decided not to go to the group meeting and spent the night in my room. I didn't unpack, hoping I might not be there long enough and if Jasper came to get me, I wanted to be able to leave quickly. I got into my bed fully clothed, even my sneakers, not daring to take them off in case someone stole them. My door was closed and locked, but I didn't trust anyone there. There was crash next door and I heard the staff running down the hall. Holding Teddy to my chest, I lay on my side and soaked his fur with my tears.

"Jasper," I whispered into the dark, "please come get me."

He didn't. The next day I got up and faced the rest of my life.

"**~~**"

Sighing, I sat down in the leather chair. The room was small, but big enough for a matching plush couch and chair. There was also a desk and bookshelves that lining one wall. The large window looked out into the green backyard. I should know, I stared out it enough during the two appointments I'd had with him already.

Dr. Dolan sat across from me in his usual position with one leg crossed over the other and a notepad in his hands. "I heard there was an incident yesterday. Would you care to explain?"

"Sure," I shrugged, "if I knew what the hell you were talking about."

"Another patient reported some activity in your room that might have been inappropriate," he explained cryptically.

"What? Jerking off?" It was the only thing I did besides sleep. I wasn't exactly living la vida loca.

He cleared his throat.

"What's so inappropriate about that?" I smirked. "It's a completely natural thing, Doc. You should try it. Might relieve some stress. I could show you how if you want." Leaning forward, I put my hand on his knee. "After all I'm a professional." I sat back, taking my hand with me. "Just like you."

He cleared his throat again. "Most of us do that sort of thing in private."

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, Doc, I'm not like most people."

"Fair enough," he smiled. "But for future reference, please masturbate in private."

"I was. Except for the security guard watching me."

"Your door was open."

"I didn't ask Mort to stand in the hallway and watch. He is obviously repressing some issues."

"What makes you think it was Matt that complained?"

Matt. So thatwas his name.

I almost, almost, rolled my eyes. It was really fucking hard to resist. Did I really need to explain it? Didn't he already know? After all, he was the one with the fancy degree hanging on the wall over his head, not me.

"It makes sense that he would be the one that would be offended," I shrugged.

"Oh? How so?"

Jesus fucking Christ. Did he want me to hold his dick when he took a piss too?

"Bob the Biker is MIA, Heather was probably in the common room watching Sixteen and Pregnant, because let's face it, it's going to be reality for her soon enough. Katelyn wouldn't have complained about seeing my cock, she would have reveled in it, got turned on, and then went and did the same thing in her room. Carlton most definitely wouldn't have complained because he's a fag. He probably would have joined me. Or offered to blow me. That leaves Mort. He's the only one whose delicate sensibilities would have been offended. Though I don't know why. It's not like he doesn't have a dick himself."

"Carlton's gay?" Dr. Dolan raised a brow.

"One hundred percent. He likes to pretend otherwise, but the thought of even hugging a woman, much less kissing one, makes his dick shrink. I wouldn't be surprised if there are lace panties in his drawers. Probably some fishnets too. Which," I smiled, "might actually look good on him. He's got nice legs."

He ignored my commentary, which was fucking dead on.

"Why do you think you flirt with everyone?"

Finally an easy question.

"Because I'm hot. Can I ask you something?"

"We're not here to talk about me," he replied as if that would make me change my mind. I waited until he nodded.

"Do you actually believe that shit they tell you in group?"

"Doesn't matter if I do or not, they believe it."

"So as long as they believe they were forced to try drugs against their will, that's all that matters? Not that they're lying?"

"Do you lie?"

"Fuck yes. I do what I have to do. But when I lie, it's worth it. It's not to hide why I do drugs." I stared at him. "You just let them lie to you." I shook my head. "There's no fucking way Carlton was molested. Trust me."

Thinking before replying, he put his pen down. "Riley, people need to rationalize the reason they do drugs. Some use it to cover up a pain or forget something. Sexual abuse if one of the more common reasons. In some cases, it did really happen."

"And others are full of shit."

"You seem to read people pretty well," he smiled, almost proudly.

"Kind of have to if you want to survive," I shrugged.

"Survive what?"

Sighing, I debated on telling him. According to the records they had, I was Jasper's 'life partner'. Peter said it would save questions about my address and lack of ID. The good doc knew I was gay. But there was no way for him to know where I had really come from. My eyes dropped to my lap as I considered my options.

I was there to get better and while I had gone almost four weeks without having any drugs besides the meds I had been taking, the urge for them was still strong. I had no doubt that if I were to walk out of that building right then, I would go straight to Ricky for a hit. My body craved it, but my mind craved it more. There was so much I wanted to forget, so much that drugs could help me forget. Jasper had told me if I got clean, if I lived with him and wasn't hooking, then I wouldn't have to forget so much anymore and maybe I wouldn't need the drugs.

Maybe.

Was he right? Did I trust Jasper enough to take a chance on telling this guy the truth about me?

Yeah. I think I could.

"The streets," I finally answered.

"Excuse me?"

Lifting my eyes to his, I hardened my stare, shoving back all the memories that rushed me. Memories that were usually dulled by the drugs in me were suddenly much clearer. Some were fucking painful.

"Before I was with Jasper, I lived on the streets."

"In a homeless shelter?"

I snorted. "No. The streets. Literally. Homeless shelters are bullshit. They can fit a few dozen people in them. Doesn't even make a dent in how many are out there."

He wrote some things down, then looked back up at me. "How did you end up there?"

"My parents kicked me out."

"What motivated them to do that?"

"I think it was the fact that I liked dick."

"Dick? Was he a friend of yours?"

Laughing, I should my head. Straight guys cracked me up. "Dick as in cock. I liked to suck them and have them shoved up my ass."

"Oh," Dr. Dolan replied, blushing. "I see."

"My parents didn't think I was natural. I was a sin and would bring the wrath of God down on their church and jeopardize their standing in the Christian community."

"And kicking their son out didn't?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I'm sure they had a wonderful story about how I got accepted to some private prep school across the country, then graduated and went on to the best college."

"You haven't seen them since?"

"Nope. Don't want to either."

"How did being kicked out make you feel?"

What kind of fucked up question was that? "Really fucking good," I snapped.

"It seems we've opened up a new area."

"Not really, Doc. I wasn't sexually abused. I had a good childhood, pretty much had anything I ever needed or wanted. The only suffering I had was my piano practice. I got good grades in school, had friends, was popular. Mowed the neighbor's lawn for summer money and all that typical shit. It was a picture perfect childhood."

"Until you were asked to leave?"

"Asked to leave?" I scoffed. "My parents gave me a hundred dollars, let me pack a duffel bag and then kicked my ass out the door. There was no asking. I was told."

His brows furrowed. "How old were you?"

"Fifteen."

"Riley," he sighed. "That's constitutes abandonment. Charges could have been brought up against them. Why didn't you go to the police?"

"Because I was fifteen. Besides, I didn't want to live with them if they didn't want to live with me."

"But you could have entered the foster care system, been fed and kept safe."

"Yeah, because that worked out so well for Jasper," I mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. The point is, I wasn't wanted, I left. I made a life on the streets, and here I am in all my glory."

"Is the streets where you turned to drugs?"

"Duh." Wasn't it obvious?

"What kinds of drugs did you do?"

"Didn't we go over this when I was checked in? Do I really need to repeat myself?"

"Humor me. Coke?"

"Yes."

"Heroin?"

"Yes."

"Pot?"

"Sometimes."

"Why don't you just tell me?"

"Crack, LDS, E, PCP, just about any prescription drug…."

He was writing furiously. I almost laughed. Suddenly he stopped and looked up. "You didn't mention Methamphetamine."

"Ice?" I shook my head. "Nah, man, that stuff fucks with your looks. I've seen some nasty bitches on Meth. Fucking scary as hell."

He seemed a bit surprised and his eyes went to my arms, remembering them from my intake physical. Proudly, I held them out. "Pretty right? I'm not stupid, Doc. My body was my money maker. I wasn't going to fuck it up with drugs."

"Your money maker? Did you strip?"

"Only for about a month or two. Then I realized the real money was in hooking."

"You were hooker?" he asked, shocked. What kind of upscale place had Peter put me in that they didn't ever have any hookers in it? Then again, how many hookers got off the streets and checked themselves into rehab? And had handsome rich guys paying for it?

"Doc, you look a little pale? You okay?"

"Did you steal for drugs?"

"Are you kidding? I stole for everything."

"Were you ever afraid of dying?" He glanced up at me, his pen poised to write my earth shattering answer.

I was afraid of leaving Jasper.

"No."

"Really? You were never afraid of the drugs killing you?"

I shrugged. "We all die anyway. Not like I would be any worse off if I was dead. There were enough nights I wished I was dead, but the damn sun always rose the next day."

Writing something down, he furrowed his brows. "What triggered your drug use?"

"You name it. Besides, it was easier than not being high."

"What do you mean?"

"Being high just made it all easier," I repeated, not entirely willing to go into details. He eyed me for a few seconds before nodding and accepting my answer.

"Do you have any pent up anger toward anyone? Your parents perhaps?"

Did I? I didn't fucking know. I hadn't thought about them in years. They might have kicked me out, but they certainly didn't put the drugs in my hand. Besides, I was smoking pot before I even left home.

"No."

He glanced at his watch. "Well our hour is up. We'll have to continue this day after tomorrow."

"Sure."

"Later today in group we're going to start the twelve steps. It should be a good session."

"I bet," I replied sarcastically. Standing, I went to the door. "See ya at two."

"Before you go," he turned in his chair to me. "You mentioned piano practice. Do you play?" I shrugged. "We have something we call art therapy. We offer our patients art as a way to express themselves, pent up anger, frustration, urges. I think playing might be good for you."

He couldn't have been more wrong.

"I don't think so, but thanks anyway." I reached for the door knob.

"I think you should consider it."

With that, I opened the door and left.

Bored, and not really in the mood to hang out in my room, I decided to explore the place. I hadn't been to much except my room, the dining room, and the meeting rooms. Ignoring the community room and the piano looming in the corner, I headed down the carpeted hallway past the dining room to the kitchen. It was huge with dark counters like Jasper's, two refrigerators and three stoves. There were a few workers in there cutting up some food. I bet they didn't cook as good as Beautiful did. One guy looked up and smiled at me.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks, but there was a waiter last night. Dark hair, about this tall," I said, holding my hand up.

"Oh, Josh? He's off now, but he'll be in at five."

"Cool. Can you tell him Riley in room seven is looking for him?"

"Sure."

Smirking, I left, noting across the hall was a small closet. Definitely big enough to fuck in. Sex was strictly prohibited for patients, which I didn't understand. They wanted us to detox from drugs, not sex. I would think having sex might make the detoxing a little easier. Maybe at the next group meeting, I should suggest it.

If my fellow addicts were cuter, I'd suggest an orgy. Something told me that might not go over well. Yeah, I was definitely going to suggest it. If there were buttons to push, I pushed them. There was nothing else for entertainment in that fucking place.

At the end of the hall was the gym. about the same size as the community room, it was full of equipment. Some looked more like bondage shit than workout stuff. Curious, I walked over to one and checked it out. There were bars and weights and pulleys. Looking around to make sure I was alone, I studied the picture and followed the directions.

"Holy shit!" I grunted when I tried to pull with my one good hand but nothing moved. "Did the fucking Hulk workout on this thing?" Jasper worked out but he never mentioned it was this hard. Examining the weights, I figured out how to make it lighter and tried again. "Ah, there we go."

I did the motion ten times and moved onto the next one, read the directions and did that one too. Ten reps later, I moved to another one. After I had done all the bondage machines I could do with one hand, I stood up and curled my arm up, flexing the muscles.

I was already getting bigger. Maybe I should take it easy though. I was already irresistible, I would be fighting them off with a stick if I got too hot. There was a fine line I needed to walk.

Inspired by my quick progress, I stepped onto the treadmill and turned it on, surprised when it started moving so quickly. I began to jog. Running was actually something I could do. You had to have endurance to fuck all night long. Endurance, like manageable hair, was important for hookers. No one wanted a hooker that couldn't last. Course, the tricks usually only lasted two minutes anyway, but it was good training for running from the police too. I wasn't quite sure what the numbers on the screen meant, but when it said one-point-two, I stopped and got off.

I felt in shape already. Not sure why everyone complained. This exercise stuff was pretty easy.

Leaving the gym, I decided to head back to my room to shower. Maybe strip down and take a few minutes to admire my new body in the mirror.

God knows everyone else did.

"**~~**"

"So today," Dr. Dolan began, "I'd like to introduce the twelve steps to you all. Some of you might be familiar with them. For others they will be new. Some will argue that they need to be done in order, others don't think that is important. However, to keep things simple, we will start them in order and once you have the tools, you can move around as you like."

We all stared at him. Blankly.

"Does anyone know step one?"

Mort spoke up. "Admit you are powerless over alcohol-that your life has become unmanageable."

"That is AA's yes. Ours is adjusted slightly to fit addiction as a whole. Admit you are powerless over your addiction, that your lives have become unmanageable. Any questions?"

I think I heard crickets.

"Does anyone feel they can admit this right here and now?"

Heather popped a bubble with her gum. "Haven't we kinda already admitted it if we're here?"

"Not if you were brought here against your will."

I wondered if I was there against my will.

I was there for Jasper but that wasn't against my will. Somehow the conversation turned to admitting when we hit bottom. Heather claimed she hadn't hit bottom. Mort said it was drunk driving with his kids. Carlton said it was when access to his bank account was shut off. But he was full of shit. It was more like when he had a one night stand and barebacked it because he was so high. He didn't have to tell the story, I just knew. Katelyn said it was when she passed out and missed her son's first baseball game.

Maybe now was a good time to suggest the orgy.

Dr. Dolan turned to me. "Riley, when did you hit bottom."

I was such a slut that I thought he had asked if I had hit a bottom. To which I would have nodded eagerly. Most recently Spencer. Spanked his ass raw all over his hotel room and he just begged for more. I had definitely hit a bottom. But before I spoke up with details, I realized he was asking when I had hit bottom, not hit a bottom.

My bottom was when I was so out of it, so desperate to escape, that I had struck Edward. I had been what made me realize Jasper was right and I needed help. Dealing with hitting Edward had been hard enough, but I could never forgive myself if ever hit Jasper. Not after all he'd done for me.

"I stole some prescription drugs from my boyfriend's dresser."

"I can see why that would upsetting," the doctor nodded. "Did he find out?"

"Yeah. He wasn't happy, but I'd already taken them so there wasn't much he could do."

The morning after the bj from Edward, I had woken up before they did. They were facing each other, limbs completely entwined. There wasn't a part of them that wasn't touching. Even their morning erections were touching. But what got me the most was the way Edward's fingers were wrapped in Jasper's hair and Jasper's were resting on Edward's chest near his heart. It was like they couldn't survive without the other. While they slept, I got out of bed and stole a few pills from the bottle in Jasper's dresser. I knew he'd find out, but I'd be so high, I wouldn't care.

"Did you steal any more after that?"

"No."

"Good for you. Okay, I think we've made some good progress. See you all tomorrow."

Freed, I stood up and headed for my room. Just as I was about to walk in, a hand was on my shoulder. Carlton was behind me.

"You're gay?" he whispered.

"Yep." He looked shocked, though I wasn't sure why. Did he not have gaydar? Wasn't that a requirement or something? Not caring who was around, I stepped toward him and put my fingers under his chin. "Why? Want to sample the goods?" Who didn't? "I could make you feel real good."

"Umm…I gotta go," he said, turning and walking quickly away.

He'd be back. After all, I was irresistible.

Jasper visited the next day. Pacing in the community room, I waited until I saw his blond waves walk through the door. I ran to his open arms, jumping into them knowing he'd catch me. Burying my face in his neck, I wrapped my legs around him and held tight. I even heard him chuckle in my ear.

A few minutes later we were sitting outside. Jasper sat in the chair with me on his lap, his fingers tangled with mine.

"You're shaking," he frowned.

"They lowered the dosage on my meds so I've been shaky, a little nauseous, but nothing too bad."

He kissed my temple. "You're so strong."

"Bullshit, but thanks. We started the steps yesterday."

"Steps?"

"Yeah. These things you do to stop yourself from using again."

"Like what?"

"The first one is to admit we are powerless over our addiction, and that our lives have become unmanageable."

He tried not to smile. "Sounds interesting."

"Very." I rolled my eyes. "Is Peter coming back to see me? Thought he might want to check on me and see how his investment is doing."

"I'm sure he will."

"Hope so. Have him wear that red sweater he wore last time. That was hot. Have you talked to Edward?" His head dropped to my shoulder, hiding his face. "Angel, you need to talk to him. I know he misses you as much as you do him."

"I told you why I can't," he mumbled into my arm. "I haven't gotten anything since his last text message."

"Can I see?" He pulled out his phone and handed it to me. I went through his messages, mostly from the Service about clients. "Sixty-three?"

"It was the number of hours until the flight I was supposed to be on…" he sighed.

"There's no more after that one."

"He gave up," Jasper confessed quietly. "I'm sure when I didn't show up…"

"Wait, you never told him you weren't coming?" He averted his eyes and I growled. "You never told him."

"I couldn't. If I talked to him, I knew—I knew I'd end up on the next flight and I'm not leaving you."

Breaching the space between us, I kissed him. "Thank you. Hey, you haven't said anything about my muscles." He lifted his head and I raised my arm, flexing for him. "Go on, touch."

Unable to resist, he reached up with his hand and squeezed my bicep.

"Impressive, right?"

"Definitely," he gave me a small smile. We continued to talk, he even laughed once but it was an empty laugh. The emotions and life that had filled him while Edward was in his life was gone, leaving Jasper with just a shell of who he really was.

At five thirty, I was sitting o my bed debating on if I should change for dinner or not when there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said, knowing damn well who it was. Josh pushed the door open all the way. He looked scrumptious in his all white uniform and his short hair gelled back.

"Are you Riley?"

As if he didn't know. "Yeah."

"You wanted to see me?"

I motioned for him to step inside, but per the rules of the rehab, he had to leave the door open a few inches. Had he been a girl it would have to be open all the way. Hesitantly, he came into my room and looked around nervously.

"Is something wrong?" he asked and I shook my head.

"Nope. I just wondered when you wanted to fuck?"

His already big eyes grew even wider and his mouth fell open. "What?" he gasped, pretending to be shocked. I didn't get it. Why did guys act surprised when you knew they were gay?

"You winked at me at dinner the other night. Do you want to fuck?"

"I…I don't know what you thought you saw, but I didn't wink at you."

"Yeah, right. So do you want to?"

Biting his lip, his eyes raked me up and down. I was sure he was admiring my new body from my working out. As if I wasn't hot enough before. When he reached my feet, his eyes went back up again.

"Top?" he whispered.

"I'm whatever you need me to be, doll."

"I get off at ten."

"Then I will get you off by ten-thirty. Meet me in the room across from the kitchen. Oh, and bring a condom and lube." Nodding, he eyed me one last time and left.

It was too easy.

"**~~**"

"I've only got half an hour before check-in," I groaned as Josh's lips embraced my cock. My pants and underwear were around me knees and my shirt was pulled up and tucked behind my head. Leaning against the supply shelves behind me, I buried my fingers in his thick hair and held his head still as I began to fuck his mouth. Still dressed in his kitchen whites, he smelled a bit like baked bread. "Fuck yeah, suck me hard."

He was no Jasper but he was good. He ran his the flat of his tongue along the bottom of my dick as I thrust into his mouth. Smiling down at him, I watched his wet lips work me and already felt my orgasm building. It'd been far to fucking long since I'd had a mouth on me.

"That's it, take it all," I demanded. He left one hand on my hip and the other went to my balls. As soon as he palmed them and swallowed me into his throat, I came. He felt my cock pulse and immediately released me, using his hand to stroke me as I shot my load over his chin and neck. He wore a wicked grin as he stood and I couldn't help but return it. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out lube and a condom and put them on the shelf behind me. Quickly, he undid his belt and pants, letting them fall to his ankles before pulling his briefs down. His cock was nice. Thin and long and uncut. Then he unbuttoned his work shirt and let it fall open. Grabbing the lube, I squirted some on my fingers and reached between my legs to ready myself. But the time he had the condom on and I had poured some lube on his dick, I was ready to go. I tossed the lube on the floor. Spinning, I pushed my ass toward him and gripped the shelves. When I felt the head of his cock pressing against my entrance, I took a deep breath. He was surprisingly gentle as he slowly thrust forward until I felt his hips against my ass.

"So fucking good," he moaned, placing a kiss on my neck. "Can I move?"

"Yeah," I nodded and felt him slide out, only to rock back in even deeper. "Fuck."

Within a few strokes, he had a steady rhythm going, pumping his dick into me in strong thrusts. He kept one hand on my shoulder and his other on my hip, and I could feel his breaths on my back as he looked down and watched himself going in and out of me. The room was completely dark except for a sliver of light coming from under the door but once our eyes had adjusted we could see fine. Not that it mattered, we could certainly feel our way around. He left some more kisses on my shoulders as he sped up. Arching my back, I offered him my ass and he struck deeper, hitting just the right spot.

"Feel good?"

"Fuck yeah," I panted.

He began to grunt with effort and I knew he was close. "Gonna come so fucking hard in you."

"Fuck me hard, doll."

And he did. A few uneven, staggered thrust later and he was biting down on my shoulder to muffle his cries as he filled the condom inside me. He bucked his hips into me a few times as his cock emptied.

"Fuck, that was hot," he sighed as he released my shoulder and gripped the base of his cock to gently slip out. "Thanks."

I bent over and pulled my pants up as he did the same. Turning, I tugged my shirt back over my head and put a hand behind his neck. Pulling him to me, I brushed my lips over his once.

"Welcome." With a blush, he did up the buttons to his shirt. "Same time tomorrow?"

"I'm off tomorrow, but back on Friday."

"Friday it is then," I smiled. "You go first, I'll follow in a few minutes."

He opened the door and left, I waited a minute, then made sure the hall was clear before I walked back to my room. Undressing, I washed my ass off and got into bed. I checked the clock.

I had a minute to spare.

Fuck, I was good.

"**~~**"

"How are you doing today, Riley?" Doc sat in his chair while I sat in mine.

It had been four weeks, five days and six hours since I had been admitted. Four weeks of group therapy five times a week, individual therapy twice a week, and family therapy, which consisted of Jasper coming once every other week. Jasper didn't like it, I could tell he was nervous, but he answered the most of the questions, lying only when he had to. Doc even let me sit on Jasper's lap while he was there. Not that he had much choice. Jasper still came to visit me every three days, and Peter had been by a few times. After using the gym that first time, I had gone there almost every day. Working out had been much easier since I'd had the cast removed. My arms were getting muscular. As if I wasn't hot enough already.

The piano sat untouched by my hands.

And I still had twelve weeks of this shit left.

The one bright spot, besides Jasper's visits, was my weekly fuck with Josh in the supply room. We'd almost been caught once, but we stilled as someone walked by, then Josh continued to fuck me. I'd even let him kiss me with tongue once.

The other patients had grown on me. Bob the Biker never returned and Mort avoided me like I was contagious, but Heather and I actually had the same tastes in TV. She liked "The Real Housewives of New York" too. Katelyn was hot for me. And when her husband came to visit her and I saw him, I couldn't blame her for drooling over me. Carlton began following me around like a puppy. Every time he looked at me, he had stars in his eyes. The guy idolized me. I told him he should just fuck the money and come out to his parents. He said he wasn't gay. I told him he sure did stare at my cock a lot for a straight guy.

Sighing, I shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"What did you think about group yesterday?"

We were on step three, make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

I had issues with all the steps that mentioned God, which apparently was about half of them.

"Have you thought anymore about step two?" he asked curiously.

Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I had skipped step two and told him that. "No."

"How come?"

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. "Listen, anything that involves a higher power is bullshit, okay? Your other patients might believe in that shit, but I don't."

"Because of your parents?"

"No. I spent a lot of time on the streets, I saw a lot of shit. And when I first got out there, I did pray. I prayed to be saved from the guys raping me. I prayed for food and warm place to sleep. Know what I got for all my praying? I got shit, that's what. I had no food, no home and I was raped. The God that I had been raised to believe was powerful and generous and gave to those in need totally stood me up. So fuck God. I only put my faith in one other person, and he's not God."

Angel maybe, but not God.

He never wrote anything down, he just listened to me rant. "Would that be Jasper?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to have a difficult time with the steps with your lack of spirituality," he warned.

"Oh well." I narrowed my eyes. "You can't tell me I'm the first person to come through here that doesn't believe in God?"

"No, there have been others."

"I'll do the steps not involving God." He could tell I wasn't going to budge on the topic and rightly decided to let it go.

"The last time we met, we talked about forgiveness. Have you thought about anyone you'd like to forgive?"

"I don't have anyone to forgive."

"Not even your parents?"

"For tossing me out on my ass?" I shrugged. "They did what they thought was best. I don't care about it anymore. It's done."

"Anyone else?"

I sighed. "The list is too long. Let's just say I forgive everyone, okay?"

"Too long?"

"Do you really want me to list all the johns or pimps that took advantage of me? Hell, I was probably high for most of them anyway."

"Do you think you're making progress here?"

Did I feel better? Maybe. Did I still crave drugs? Fuck yes. I could still feel the remains from my last high in my blood. Sometimes I would lay on my bed and concentrate hard enough to feel a slight high. I was still taking the meds for the physical withdrawals and they helped. I didn't shake much anymore and barely felt sick.

But I still wanted drugs.

A lot.

But I also knew that I was stronger. Not just my new body but mentally. I knew when I craved the drugs I needed to find a distraction. I listened to the iPod a lot and Peter was right, the music helped. I would end up singing with the lyrics or dancing around my room. The next time he came to visit, I told him how much I liked the music and asked him to put on a couple songs. He laughed when I listed them.

"You got a problem with Donna Summer?"

"Not at all," he said, his body still shaking from his laughter. "I just never pictured you as a disco queen."

"We're called club boys now, old man," I smirked.

"Do you go clubbing?"

"Yeah, sometimes Jasper and I would sneak into the club on fifth."

"Jasper dances?"

"Mmm…yeah, he does." I think I got a dreamy look in my eyes when I remembered dancing shirtless with Jasper. All hot and sweaty. We'd be dancing so close, grinding and kissing, that everyone would stop and watch our show, but we were in our own world, lost in each other and the music. Even whores needed to let loose sometimes. "When I get out, we should all clubbing," I suggested, wiggling my eyebrows.

"Deal," he smiled. When I was walking him out through the lobby, Mort was sitting at the piano totally fucking up Mozart. Peter caught me as I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily. It was tragic. "What?"

Hooking my hand through his arm, I put my head on his shoulder. "Mozart is way too easy to fuck up that bad."

"And how would you know that?"

Fuck. Fuck me and my big mouth.

"You play, don't you?" he asked quietly.

"Not for a long time," I sighed. "And no, I don't want to talk about it."

Accepting my words, he patted my hand. "I'll put the music on and send it back with Jasper on his next visit." Then he kissed my cheek before leaving.

Doc cleared his throat and brought my attention back to him.

"Yeah, I think I'm better," I finally answered.

He nodded and smiled. "I think so too."

After another twenty minutes, he said, "Why don't we call it a day and I'll see you tomorrow at group."

"Okay, see ya," I stood and headed for the door.

"Think about what we talked about," he reminded me as I left.

Back in my room, I put Peter's iPod on and lay on my bed. Scrolling through my playlist, I found a song that he had added that I hadn't asked for. It was slow and gentle. It was about angels.

that salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I'm lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

I didn't know if Peter knew Jasper was my angel, but I swear the song had been written for Jasper and me. He was my salvation. He offered me protection and affection whether I was right or wrong. Closing my eyes, I let the words surround me, playing loudly in my ears as I thought back to the first time I had called Jasper angel. In fact, he wore the reminder of that night every day.

We had known each other for a few months but hadn't fucked yet. Some guy was kicking the shit out of me after I had bit his dick. He was getting too rough and when I told him to stop, he didn't. Instead, he threw me to the ground and started kicking me. I heard voices and a grunt, then feet running. I didn't see what had happened but the guy had stopped kicking me and there were concerned hands on me. When I opened my eyes, I saw blond hair being lit up by the streetlamps behind him.

He looked angelic. His halo might have been a bit rusty, but it was definitely there.

He looked just like the pictures of angels I'd seen at my house as a kid.

"You okay, Rile?"

"Fucking asshole," I yelled after the guy. "Didn't even fucking pay me for the blowjob. Did you beat him up, Jas?" He shook his head and pulled away, showing me his shirt. It was soaked with blood. His blood. "Holy shit. You need help, Jas, that looks bad."

"No, no hospitals."

"Wait here, I'll be back in a few minutes," I told him as I used the wall to stand up. I ran as fast as I could to the corner where I'd last seen Ricky. I had him follow me back to Jasper and he leaned in front of my unconscious new friend.

"We need to get back to the docks. Think you can help carry him?"

"Yeah, sure."

It hurt like a motherfucker, but I helped carry Jasper to the abandoned building we slept in. I went to the drug store and jacked some supplies for Ricky. I held his hand and assisted Ricky as he stitched up the gash in Jasper's hip. I was relieved when Jasper woke up a few hours later.

"Try to stay still. The stitches need some time to set."

"Stitches?"

I introduced him to Ricky and explained how Ricky was our street doctor. After Ricky left, I moved closer to Jasper and explained Ricky's sorted past.

"I can't believe you let a fucked up med school dropout stitch me up," he bitched.

"Would you rather I had done it? Or let you bleed to death? Trust me, his fucked up med school skills are way better than half the ERs around here. Just rest, man. I'll watch out for ya," I promised him, and I did. He slept and I didn't. I watched over him for a few hours, not even taking any drugs. Finally I fell asleep next to him, coiled up behind him, pressed close for warmth. He slept off and on for the next day and I worried something was wrong. I had Ricky look him over but he said Jasper didn't have an infection, he was just really fucking tired.

I never left his side.

He woke up in the middle of the night to find me next to him, my arm around his middle. Rolling over he faced me. The second he looked into my eyes I felt it. The thing that had sparked between us since the first time we'd met ignited into something more intense that I'd ever felt before.

He kissed me. I kissed him back. He took off my shirt and I took off his. He undid my pants and I undid his. After yanking his down around his thighs and mine off completely, I grabbed a condom from my pocket and put it on him before using my spit for lube and straddling his hips and impaling myself on his cock. His cut was covered by some gauze but he winced in pain when he tried to thrust up. I stopped him and rode his cock instead. The empty room filled with our grunts and moans. I was surprised how urgent but gentle he was. There was something different in being with him like that, out of pure need and want and not because either one of us was getting paid. Feeling him inside me enhanced the mysterious bond that I already had with him. In a cold, abandoned building on a dirty mattress, we fucked.

Little did I know it was the first time he'd had sex where he wasn't raped or paid.

"Does it feel good, angel?" I asked him, stroking his cheek with my fingers. A look crossed his face, one of confusion and pain. Biting his lip and looking up at me with the fucking most amazing eyes, he nodded.

He came a few minutes later, and stroking myself, I followed, shooting my load over his bare chest. After I used my shirt to clean us up, I fell by his side, a goofy smile on my face. It had felt amazing to get fucked and enjoy it for once. Staying on his back, he turned his head and gazed at me.

"Why did you call me angel?" he asked softly.

"Because you saved me last night. You're my angel."

It seems that was all Jasper did was save me. From dirty tricks, James…and now he was saving me from myself by putting me in rehab.

I may not have believed in God, but I believed in angels.

At least one of them.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

I know that wasn't who you were expecting, but a little break from the angst was needed. I have to admit, writing his pov is some of the most fun I've had writing M&A. Much thanks to anneso67 for help with the French. We're finding all kinds of interesting things out about Riley, aren't we? Two more, then the epilogue.

M&A won a few categories at in The Slash Awards: Best Villian (James), Best Supporting Character (Peter), Best Ensemble, Best Angst, Best BJ, Hottest Lemon & Creative Fuck, Best breakup/makeup and Banner. Thank you to everyone that nominated their favorites stories and voted. Go here to see a complete list of winners. http:/theslashawards DOT blogspot DOT com/