This has taken forever. I know. In my defense, this chapter is 14 pages long on Word. I edited most of the chapter but the end of the chapter is unedited so if you see any stupid mistakes point them out to me :).
Thank you all for getting this story to 608 reviews! I haven't been getting emails on who has followed/ reviewed/ favorited so I can't do shoutouts until I figure out what's going on :(. On a lighter note, this chapter is called Au Revoir and I am so excited to present it to you. Enjoy!
The plan goes like this:
Our squad will sneak into Erudite at around 5pm when all of the Erudite, according to Charlie, will be in the computer lab. We will be wearing blue hooded coats over a bulletproof best to fit in with the Erudite and confuse them. She. We get close enough to the compound, Gabe will go around the building to the east end and paralyze the two guards stationed there with a dart gun that resembles a pistol like shape that Charlie made. When he has paralyzed the guards, he will set off a red smoke bomb, our signal that it is time to invade.
Zeke and I came up with partners for the mission and I am paired with Delilah. At first, I was confused about why Zeke chose Delilah and I as partners but when I asked him about it he just said, "She's a lot like you Tris. You two would work well together."
Delilah and I are after any food supplies that the Erudite may have of any documents that might be of use. Zeke and Rex are going after the antidote for the illness. After being away from the Dauntless compound for so long, I almost forgot that the illness even existed. It wasn't until the other day when I passed by the hospital wing in Amity that I heard the screams of the hallucinated patients and the wet coughs of others who aren't as sick yet but are still dying. It made me think of Rye and my own child and reminded me why I was even fighting in the first place.
Zeke and I were up all night last night pouring over every detail and challenging every angle of the plan until our eyes struggled to stay open. Even with the coffee I brought Zeke, fell asleep on the desk, his cheek pressed against the notebook we were writing in, ink smearing on his skin. He looked so exhausted. I could have woken him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So instead I'm pouring over every detail now and telling myself nothing can wrong. As I am circling the east entrance with the tip of my pencil, I hear the click of the click of the door knob turning. My head cranes to see Zeke standing in the threshold, holding two cups of coffee. Even with the sleep he got last night, he looks tired. The bags under his eyes look a little less harsh this morning but his hair is still disheveled and his shirt is buttoned wrong.
"Hey," I say as he walks towards the desk and sets the steaming coffee on the edge.
"Hey," he greets and then he swings a chair towards him and sits on it backwards, his chest pressing against the back of the chair. "Sorry I fell asleep last night."
I set my pencil down and take the coffee in my hands, grateful for the warmth, and say, "It's fine. You should really button up your shirt the right way though."
He looks down at himself and he laughs. He sets down his coffee and starts to undo the buttons. "I must have been really distracted this morning." His eyes drift towards the map laying on the desk and he says, "What are you looking at?"
"The map. I just want to make sure everything is in place," I answer, looking at the paper. The rooms are nothing but squares and dimensions in ink. In just a few short hours, we will be inside those rooms and it scares me. I suppress my fear to the best of my ability because I am Dauntless and that is what is expected of me. Suddenly, I feel the warmth of his palm envelop my own and I look up to see his kind eyes regarding me in a way that feels like he understands me perfectly, knows every ugly thing about me, and he just doesn't care. "We'll be okay, Tris," he reassures me.
"I know," I lie and I turn back to the paper. "I'm just worried."
"Yeah, me too," he admits. Silence cuts between us for a few moments before he asks, "Do you think..." His eyebrows furrow and I know that what his is trying to say is difficult for him. "Do you think that we might see Uri and Four?"
Their names hit me like a blow. I picture Uriah, laughing as I tackled him to the ground outside of the mess hall, his demeanor so much like Zeke's. I picture Tobias's face and his strength and it pains me. I haven't seen either of them in so long.
"I want to Zeke, but..." I search for the right words to say. "But I don't want them to be hurt. I don't want to see them because if we see them they'd be in danger."
He nods but I can tell that he doesn't understand me completely. My heart constricts for him. Underneath the warrior I see during battles, during moments when his leadership is tested, is a boy who loves to tell jokes and play pranks and misses his brother just as I miss Tobias. We are in the same ship, Zeke and I.
I squeeze his hand and gently began, "Do you remember when I was mad at you before we left the compound?"
A light smile traces his lips. "You slapped me. Mad is an understatement. I think you were royally pissed."
I laugh. "That's overkill. Anyway, when you sat down by me on the roof you told me that the best way to protect someone is to let them go."
He sighs. "I guess. I just really miss him. I hate being away from him this long and not knowing if he is okay."
I think of Tobias and Christina and even Caleb who I would lay my life down for even with all of the things he has done against me. I would do anything to ensure their safety and would give anything to make sure they are alright. "I miss them too Zeke," I whisper, my heart filling with sadness.
In that moment we are not soldiers, not Dauntless, not anything at all. We are just two people who have been thrown into a war and aren't prepared to lose people they love.
When I was very young and didn't know all of the ways of the Abnegation, I would wander outside in boots and a thick Abnegation jacket and put my palms in the snow. I'd entertain myself for hours just by sticking my tongue out and letting snowflakes melt on it or shape clumps of snow into a snowman. I thought snow was the best thing on earth. Now, as I look outside and see snow covering the ground in a thick layer, I know that snow is only going to slow us down. I turn to Zeke, looking for his opinion on the weather, and he just meets my gaze and says, "We're just going to have to leave earlier."
We travel towards the lobby where we told the initiates to meet us to discuss our mission. I didn't expect them to be there until at least after breakfast but when Zeke and I push open the doors, they are in the midst of pulling on boots or shrugging on coats. Delilah is helping Gabe into his cast, Charlie is zipping up his blue coat, Abby and Connor help each other tie on their matching armbands around their biceps, and Rex sits in a plush red chair that is placed in the corner on the room, his face pouting about something. Aside from the sound of zipping and the click of shoes hitting the floor, the room is completely silent.
Zeke clears his throat to get the initiates attention. They stop what they are doing and look up at him, tired and restless, and wait for him to say what his going to say.
Zeke opens his mouth and then clamps it shut again, thinking about what he is going to say. I've known him long enough to tell that he wants to say it in the right way. Sometimes, though, the best way to go is just to blurt it out which is exactly what he does.
"We're invading Erudite and going after the antidote," he states, his voice firm and decided.
At this the initiates sit up a little taller opened mouthed and disbelieving. They didn't really believe we were going to invade.
"How?" Delilah asks, incredulous.
Zeke tosses her our rolled up map of Erudite. As she opens it, the other initiates crowd around it, trying to get a glimpse of the rooms.
"Just how it sounds. We're storming in. They won't suspect a thing."
Zeke explains the plan to them and tells them how each and every one of them play a significant part in this. "We will be out numbered but if we play it right it won't matter," he finishes.
The initiates are silent. Connor and Delilah give each other a wary glance. I'm about to ask them what's wrong when Delilah asks," I thought we were staying here? You know, for Christmas?"
A shock runs through me. Is it really almost Christmas? Did two months really pass by that quickly? I turn to Zeke, speechless, but he knows exactly what to say.
"We can't. We have to go now."
Delilah nods but I see her eyes fill with disappointment. Rex sighs from his position in the chair. "Can we possibly eat breakfast or is that impossible too?"
"Tris and I thought the earlier we left the faster we'd get there and the more we'd avoid the snow."
Rex huffs, annoyed. Gabe shifts uncomfortably and says, "So when do we leave?"
"Now," I answer.
"After breakfast?" Rex asks, perking up.
"For God's sake," Zeke says. "I'll find you something to eat, Rex. We'll go pick up muffins on the way out of Amity."
Rex, pleased, gets out of his seat and smiles, looking back to his fellow initiates. "What's everybody waiting for?"
The initiates get up, trying to catch on to Rex's enthusiasm, but I can tell they are disappointed they won't have much of a Christmas. I lay a hand on Gabe's shoulder as he trails behind Delilah on the way out of the lobby. He looks up at me with startled green eyes.
"I'm sorry about not having a Christmas," I say but to my surprise he only waves away my apology.
"Tris, we knew what we getting into," he says with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "It will be Christmas to all of us if we come out of this alive."
Then he walks out of the room, leaving the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Our boots crunch against the gravel as we sneak into the Erudite faction. Buildings rise above the ground, some tall and crumbling and others short and in perfect condition, and not too far away I see the apartment building our squad slept in the night we were ambushed. I look at Zeke whose face is turned down towards his gun, reloading it as we walk. Delilah and Gabe whisper softly about their families and I know I should reprimand them for missing them but I just can't. I remember how it felt when I thought of my gray walled bedroom my first week and how all of the initiates tried to muffle their cries into their pillows because we were expected to put our faction over our blood and if we didn't we were a coward. Delilah and Gabe and the rest of the initiates are far from being cowards.
The entire faction is shiny and would be pretty to look at if I didn't know how evil they all were. As we approach the headquarters, conversations fizzle out and all we can hear is the hum of the electrical wires overhead. The almost the entire building is made of glass which reflects the sun. Charlie bumps my side with his elbow to get my attention. He points to one of the glass panes and indicates for me to peer inside. I have to squint to see what he is seeing inside the glass. Hundreds of Erudite members and initiates are gathered in a room that is made up of maple walls and floors. They sit in plastic blue chairs that form a semi-circle around a platform in front of the room. In the center of it all is Jeanine Matthews. Her blonde hair is pulled tight into a professional looking bun and she smiles coldly at her members as she talks. Hatred for her burns in the pit of my stomach. If I have an opportunity to kill her I will.
"Tris!" Zeke hisses and I snap out of my gaze to see that the group is a few feet ahead of me. I run to catch up with them. We tread as lightly as we can around the headquarters until Zeke stops us right at corner right before the east entrance. His face suggests that he's full of nerves and seriousness but his breath is heavy and his eyes are wild with adrenaline. He's ready to fight.
"Everyone knows the plan, right?" He says in a stage whisper.
We all nod solemnly and his face scans all of ours. His eyes linger on me when he says, "Be careful. If all else fails just get the hell out of there, okay?"
I nod again along with the other initiates.
"Okay," he murmurs almost to himself. He shifts his gaze to Gabe and barks in a harsh whisper, "Gabe!"
Gabe's head snaps up. His eyes are dancing with nerves. Zeke doesn't say anything but he nods towards the east entrance, indicating that it's time for Gabe to go. Gabe's hand tightens around the gun and he takes a deep breath before stepping around the corner and out of sight.
The atmosphere is a tense wire after Gabe leaves. All of us fidget and look up at the sky every few seconds, searching for the puff of red smoke indicating that the entrance has been cleared. Gabe is capable of doing this, I tell myself over and over again. He is Dauntless. Even though his broken arm puts him at a disadvantage, he's fast and he's smart. Zeke is worried about him too even though he tries not to show it. His eyes stay put to the sky, waiting and watching. The muscles in his back are evident even with his coat on and he's tense like every nerve is a string pulled tight just waiting for release. I step forward and slip my hand into his. Zeke starts and looks down at our joined hands before giving me a nervous smile. He gently squeezes my hand.
If we are going in this together, I want to go in as a team.
Suddenly, I hear a pop and look to the sky. A cloud of red, almost the color of blood, swirls through the sky. I unlock my hand from Zeke's and take off running. Our feet hit the ground with a slap as we sprint. I throw a glance over my shoulder to make sure Delilah is right behind me. She's running hard, her hand clutching her gun. Zeke is blocking my view so when we take a sharp left, I stumble and my shoulder takes a hit from the wall. I grit my teeth and keep moving. The east entrance is entirely made of a concrete and pillars stand on the two steps closer to the door. The doors seem massive and is made of glass and it would be flawless if there wasn't a massive hole in one of the panes. I spot Gabe at the center of it all, screaming at us to come faster. We pick up the pace, my lungs burning. We bound up the steps just as Gabe opens the door by throwing his body weight against the door, his shoulder taking most of the impact. It swings open and we pour inside.
The walls are covered in a deep blue and an eye is painted over it, a symbol for knowledge and a reminder to everyone who lives here that their loyalty is to Erudite first. I think I hear shouting not too far away but I can't be sure.
"Get with your partner and split up!" Zeke shouts. My eyes find Delilah across the room. "Shoot anyone who gets in your way."
Zeke and Rex take off, veering to the left, and then they are gone. Somehow, Delilah and I pair up and we are running down the hallways together, our breaths coming out in shorts bursts. We round another corner, halfway to the supply room, when I hear the shouting coming from a room to my right. It's not closed off, rather down what looks like a hallway, but I know we have to take a chance and ambush whoever is inside. I grab Delilah's coat and force her to a stop.
"In there," I say, my breath heavy.
She looks confused for a moment but then hears the noise coming from the hall and nods.
Inside, Erudite members sit at computers clicking away at the keys while a group of people argue at a lab station, pointing at different colors of liquid. All of it stops when Delilah and I burst in. I look around, my hair clinging to the sweat on my face, and when I see an Erudite man stand up from his chair I point the gun at him and bark, "Sit down or I'll shoot."
He sits.
Another man in the front of the room stands up and Delilah's gun fires. It hits the wall behind him and the Erudite let out gasps of shock and screams of terror. Delilah's face is set. She glares at the man but he doesn't move.
"We're here for the antidote," I say. "Tell us where it is."
None of them answer.
A woman clings tight to a man on my left and I turn to them. "You," I say pointing at the man with the barrel of my gun, "Tell me."
He looks at the girl beside him, afraid and shaking. He turns back to me. "I- I don't know."
I take the gun and aim it at the floor in front of him. The bullet ricochets off of the concrete and hits the side of his leg. He moans and the girl behind him shrieks.
"Next time I will adjust my aim and it will be your head that the bullet hits," I hiss. The loss of my father, my mother, Rye, and my baby may have hardened me but I know that deep down that it is an empty threat. I can't kill him.
"It's in Jeanine's office," he answers and looks to the left.
I'm backing away from the man, ready to run, but Delilah raises her gun and hisses, "He's lying."
I kick him in the groin and he moans in pain. The girl beside him, covers her mouth in horror.
"Tell me!" I shout. "Now!"
"It's in Jeanine's lab," A woman on the other side of the room says, her eyes trained on the man on the floor. She can't be any older than twenty. "Up on the third floor and to the right."
Delilah and I look at each other. Zeke's headed to Erudite's office. There isn't enough time to let him figure out where the antidote really is. I have to find it myself.
"Zeke-" She starts but I cut her off.
"We have to go. Now."
I shoot the man I have ahold of with the stunner in my pocket and falls he limp to the ground. Paralyzed but not dead.
Sweat clings to my face as Delilah and I run up three flights of stairs. On the last flight, an Erudite soldier waits for us at the top. His gun is positioned right at my head; a perfect shot. His gun fires but I duck. Delilah shoots him with her gun and he falls. Blood pours out of his wound and stains his shirt. Delilah is frozen, her eyes glued to the man. I remember what it was like to first kill someone. The horror, the shame, and the guilt pile on top of you like bricks and crush you. I should let her cry or scream but I take her shoulders and force her to turn towards me.
"Delilah," I say sternly
Her eyes are still focused on the man.
"Delilah! Look at me!"
She does and her blue eyes are full of tears. Her lower lip doesn't wobble because she has it between her teeth biting so hard that blood appears.
"You can cry after this but I need you to be strong right now." I feel like I've been kicked in the chest. This is not how my parents raised me. I was never taught to be cruel to a wounded person. I was never told to grab someone's arm and pull them along with me instead of comforting them. But it is what I do anyway.
The lab is surrounded by Erudite guards. I should have at least expected it but I didn't and now we'll pay for it. A guard hits another guard, his friend probably, with the butt of gun laughing. His friend rolls his eyes but he's smiling. His smile drops when he sees me.
He shouts to his other soldiers to come back him, the sound of his bass voice filling the corridor, and I shoot them before I can think about it.
I race out of the stairwell, my gun raised, and Delilah follows me, her fingers shaking. I kick the door in and shout for Delilah to stay outside and watch for anyone. I'm not sure if it is a smart decision by the way she looks at me, like she can't believe I'm asking her to kill someone else, but I have no choice. I can't watch other people I love back at the Dauntless compound die. I can't.
Neatness, like everything else in Erudite, is a way of maintaining logic and keeping order. It is Jeanine's personal manifesto. I'm not in the least surprised to see her office is neat and organized as well. I am surprised, however to find my picture, the one the Abnegation and Dauntless use for identity purposes, up on a cork board. I'm not the only one up there, though. Tobias and Uriah and others are connected to me by a thin red string. She's tracking Divergents, I realize as I look over multiple faces and see multiple names. She's tracking me. It scares me a bit to think that Jeanine can do that but I push it aside. I shouldn't be surprised at all. She was willing to murder Abnegation and poison factions for the sake of finding Divergent. Knowledge and greed are all she cares about.
I hurry over to one of the three desks and start searching through files and cabinets. I find nothing, my eyes aching, and I turn to look through the second desk when a file catches my eye. It's the color of old paper, too dark to be ivory but too light to be white, and it has the label: The Truth. I pick it up and I reach inside to find a compact disk. My eyebrows pinch together. This can't be all there is, can it? I flip open the folder again but the folder is empty. The truth, whatever it is, is something big. I can feel it as I hold it in my hand. I'm about to shove the disk into my backpack when a door slams against the wall. I draw out my gun, my index finger poised on the trigger and the safety pulled back, ready to shoot. It's hard to imagine myself anything other than Dauntless at times like these.
Zeke stands in the doorway his gun drawn out as well. His angry expression melts into confusion when he spots me. He lowers his gun. "Tris?" He says, a question in itself. I lower my gun too and slide it into the pocket of my jeans. "I didn't know if you'd get here in time. I thought you were going to the wrong place."
"I was until I walked into Jeanine's office and found nothing," he admits. "This was my next guess."
I turn away from him, heading towards the second desk. "The antidote is somewhere in here. I don't know where though."
He walks to the third desk and starts to open drawers and cabinets. For a minute or two all I hear is the slamming of cabinets opening and closing, the flick of papers as our fingers ruffle through them, and the faint sound of screaming somewhere below us. Finally I kick the cabinet shut as hard as I can and scream, panicking, "It's not here!"
Zeke doesn't answer me. He takes his gun and shoots at the safe in the far corner. It takes a few tries but it pops open. Paper falls out. I scream into my teeth, frustrated beyond belief, and Zeke lays a hand on my shoulder. "We'll find it, Tris."
"We don't have enough time!" I shout. "People are DYING, Zeke!" I bring my arm down on one of the metal file cabinets. Pain ripples through my arm but the frustration overpowers it so I barely feel a thing.
"Well banging yourself against a file cabinet isn't going to make it any better!" he snaps.
You'd be surprised, I think bitterly.
Suddenly I think of something. "Where's Rex?"
"Outside with Delilah. You know just as well as I do that he's a better shot than she is."
It's true. During initiation, he was the only initiate to hit the target multiple times in the first week.
"We have go anyway," Zeke says and I nod bitterly.
We're rushing out of the room when I pass by the first desk that I sorted through. I stare down at the disk in my hand and think about Jeanine having the truth. She doesn't deserve it. Jenna, Rye, and my parents deserved the truth. And if they can't have it then she shouldn't either. I hug the laptop at the desk and I set it on ground. My pistol fires into it as I think how satisfying it would be to shoot her and not the computer. But if there is one thing I know about Jeanine it's that she would prefer death over loss of knowledge. Maybe this is better.
"Tris!" Zeke yells. "We gotta go!"
I hear someone coming down the hallway and giving orders. I put the pistol back into the pocket of my jeans and I sprint to the doorway where Zeke is standing, his gun in his left hand and his right hand waiting for me. I grab onto and lace our fingers together tightly before we go outside.
True to Zeke's word, Rex stands beside Delilah, his brown hair clinging to his forehead and his gun raised. Delilah stands beside him, her gun also raised but I can see by the terror in her eyes that she is nowhere near ready to use it. Down the hall there are a group of Erudite and Dauntless traitors mixed together, coming toward us.
Zeke takes me by the shoulders and forces me to look at him. His eyes are wild with terror but there is something else too. Adrenaline. His chest is rising and falling quickly but he's controlled and he knows exactly what to do. Once a Dauntless always a Dauntless.
"Tris," he shouts over the noise. "I need you to take Rex and Delilah out of here. Go find the other initiates and take them back to Dauntless."
"What about you?" I ask.
"Can't you just do what you're told for once?" He hisses but there's no venom in it. "I'll be fine."
He says it like he means it but I see that his hands are shaking. I want to hug him or reassure him that everything is going to be okay but nothing comes. I don't look back as I take Delilah and Rex down the hall, shouts and gunshots behind us.
We move quickly, our breaths heavy, and at the bottom of the stairs I stop suddenly, Rex bumping his nose on my back with a grunt. Three guards stand by the main entrance and I take my aim and shoot one. The bullet lands in her leg and she screams, her fellow guards distracted momentarily. I sprint off the last step and make a run for it, Delilah and Rex following me. We get down to the main level and I see Abby and Charlie running toward us. Her hair has come undone from her ponytail and it whips in her face when she comes toward us. Charlie seems as if he is going to collapse. When they get closer Abby gasps, "Jeanine...coming. She's...soldiers... guns."
The grip on my gun tightens. If we don't get out now we might die. If we leave then there is a chance that Zeke might not make it out. I look at the kids in front of me and realize that I have come to care so much deeper than I thought I would for them. They have become people I would die for, people I care for, and in a time of war it is not a good thing to have.
I'm about to tell them to go to Dauntless with Gabe and that I have to stay back here and fight when I hear a familiar voice behind me.
"Get Gabe!" Zeke yells as he darts down the stairs taking two at a time.
Delilah sprints out the doors followed by Charlie and Jadon.
I wait for Zeke. When he turns after getting off the stairs, I suck in a tight breath. His clothes are stained with blood. He must see my expression because when we are only a few feet apart he waves away my concern. "Not my blood," he explains.
THEN WHOSE IS IT? I want to ask but I already know. He had to kill people, guards and former Dauntless members, to get here.
I nod and he turns to Abby and Rex. "You two alright?"
They nod.
"Good. Now let's get out of here."
As soon as he says it, I hear a scream. I whip around and see Abby being dragged by two guards. She bites on of the guard's hands and he cries out. The other guard slams the butt of his gun into her jaw. She moans.
"Abby!" I scream. Zeke and I start to run to her but suddenly my arms are locked behind my back and my back is pushed up against a soldier's chest. Zeke is in the same predicament beside me. The soldier behind him has his arms wrapped around Zeke's chest and Zeke struggles but the on him is too tight. I bring my foot back to kick the soldier behind me in the knee but he sees it. He takes one hand off of my wrists and pulls out a gun. It's aimed at Zeke.
"Hurt me and I'll kill him," he warns in my ear. I lock eyes with Zeke. He's mouthing for me to do it anyway, that it's okay, but I can't. I've watched too many people I care about die because of me. I put my foot down and still in the man's arms.
Abby screams as she struggles against the guards. One guard's left hand reaches into his pocket and pulls out a syringe. It's full of orange liquid. The same liquid that made the Dauntless into murders the night that my parents died. While he fiddles with the syringe, Abby brings her knee up and knees him in the groin. Abby struggles to get up and run but the other soldier wraps his arm around her throat and takes the syringe from his comrade. I see movement at the corner of my eye and I shift my gaze over to Zeke. Zeke's toe wraps around the back of the soldier's ankle, giving him the option of tripping him if he moves backward. Suddenly, Zeke goes completely limp. The soldier behind him, loosens his grip just for moment because of the shock but it is all Zeke needs. Zeke elbows him in the gut and then punches him in the jaw in two swift movements. Zeke is scrambling for his gun when his soldier recovers and fights back, slamming a fist into Zeke's rib cage. This time when Zeke bends over and gasps for air it isn't an act.
"Zeke!" I scream and lurch myself forward to help him but I can't move. Abby is fighting against the syringe as hard as she can but the needle dips into her skin anyway.
We're going to die.
Or be made into experiments.
I don't know which of the two would be more merciful. Somehow spending the remainder of my life at the hands of Jeanine and her minions seems worse than death.
Zeke's solider brings his leg back and kicks Zeke in the stomach. Zeke falls on the floor, blood dripping from his mouth onto the blue tile. I hear someone screaming. I don't realize it's me until the soldier in back of me slaps my the right face so hard I see stars momentarily.
The man who has a hold of Abby has his thumb on the syringe and is about to press down when suddenly blood is flying and his head is rolling across the floor.
Rex stands behind the man, a sword, probably from a wall decoration, in his hands. He looks like he can't believe he just cut off a person's head. Abby is too startled to scream and she freezes, her eyes unable to look away from the decapitated head. I don't stare however. I spin around, freeing my hands, and reach for my gun. I whip it out and settle it in my fingers and fire twice at the soldier behind me, one bullet in each leg. He falls with an inhuman scream. Zeke's solider is already gone.
I run to Zeke, who is clutching his chest and coughing up blood.
"Zeke," I say gently. I brush back a brown curl from his face. His green eyes meet mine and suddenly I'm not seeing Zeke but Uriah. Uriah who has a snake tattoo curling around his ear and laughs so easily and who loves his older brother with all he has.
"Tris," he coughs.
"Can you walk?" I ask and he nods. He swings his arm around my shoulders and holds on tight as I lift him up. He coughs when he is fully standing and leans his left side heavily on me. I am so much smaller than him that I'm not much help but I try to support him anyway.
I turn back and see Abby pulling a shell shocked Rex behind her and following Zeke and I out of Erudite headquarters.
Delilah and the others meet us outside and we jog for a two and a half blocks before Zeke has to stop. Sweat gathers on his forehead and he closes his eyes, trying to block out the pain. I lay a hand on his back, my heart aching. He'll be fine. He will.
I turn to Charlie who is watching us with worried eyes. "Did you get the food?"
He nods and opens his backpack. Cans of soup, pears, peaches, and even cupcakes and silverware are stuffed in there. "Abby and Connor each have two backpacks full," Charlie says nodding to them. "What about you? Did you get the antidote?"
I shake my head and his face falls. We failed but we didn't fail completely. We raided the Erudite's food supply and scared them to the point where they felt completely and totally threatened by a group of Dauntless. Even so, I worry about how many people are going to die before we find the antidote.
Zeke straightens and my hand falls off his back. "I think I'm ready to go again."
Charlie shrugs on his backpack again and everybody is ready to run when I realize that I haven't seen Rex. I turn around, looking for him, and see him a couple paces behind the rest of us. His hands are shaking so much that he can't even curl them into fists and his eyes that used to be so light and happy have a faraway look like if I reached for him he wouldn't even notice.
"Rex," I say. "Let's go."
He shakes his head, his eyes filling with tears, and drops his head in his hands.
"I can't," he sobs. "I can't do this anymore."
I look to Zeke who just looks confused. But I'm not. I know exactly what he's talking about. The guilt of killing someone is ripping him apart. Every time he closes his eyes he sees blood splattering the walls and the man's head rolling on the floor. I know because every time I fire a gun all I can see is Will, who helped me dump papers about my family over the chasm, slumping like a broken toy when my bullet hit his head. I understand where Rex is coming from and I wish I didn't.
"Do what?" Zeke asks gently but it seems to explode something inside Rex.
His hands rip at his hair and he screams, "This! All of it! The fighting, the killing! I just killed someone by chopping his head off! I'm a monster!"
Delilah steps forward from behind me, treading lightly. "Rex," she says, her eyes filling with tears, "You are not a monster; you saved Abby. You didn't what you had to do."
He whips to face her, his eyes wild. "I did not have to kill him. I didn't have to cut his head off!" He screams again and tears roll down his face. He's remembering it. He's remembering all of it and he doesn't know how to push the memory away.
Gabe steps forward and moves to help Rex but then Rex reaches into his back poker and pulls out a black metal object. A gun.
"I'll kill you," he warns but his voice shakes so much that it's not a real threat.
All of us stand still watching him not wanting to move because we're scared he'll pounce or crack apart. He suddenly stops crying and his eyes harden as he presses the barrel to his own head.
"Rex!" I scream. He can't die. Not yet.
I can't hear anything, feel anything, but I see the light go out of his eyes and how his body crumples onto the sidewalk. His blood seeps into the snow, staining it an ugly red color. Somewhere far away I hear Abby crying out and see Gabe hugging her and Zeke laying a hand on Delilah's shoulder. I can't think. Can't breathe. He's dead.
Once I remember sitting next to him in the mess hall talking about what his life was like before he joined Dauntless. Rex told me that he had two sisters and cat named Pouch. He was Dauntless born so he could see them whenever he wanted after training but he said it wasn't the same. "When I'm a member," he told me," I'll be able to talk to my parents like I am an adult and my sisters will look at me like I'm finally an adult too."
He has an entire family waiting for him back home. What will I say to them? How will I tell them that Rex will never be a part of their home again?
I push the thought away and brush the tears from my eyes. Even though Rex's death has broken us all, we have to keep moving. We have to go.
I turn around and face the group.
They all have tear stained cheeks and watery eyes and they can't stop themselves from flicking their eyes over to Rex whose blood keeps pouring into the snow.
"If anyone wants to go back to the compound now is the time," I say to them. "You would not be exiled from Dauntless or have to explain why you left. We would understand."
I wait. I expect to see the entire lot of them trudging through the snow back to the compound where everything was just a bit safer and warmer there.
No one moves.
I look at Delilah whose arm slings through Gabe's and then at Abby who doesn't know how to stop her tears from coming but stays put.
I glance at Zeke. He is looking at the initiates too. They are stronger than we ever believed they'd be.
Zeke hikes his backpack on his shoulder and starts walking down State Street and we follow him silently, our boots crunching in the snow.
There is nothing left to do but move on.
Thank you for reading! Take a couple seconds and review. It makes my day :).
Review goal: 630
The next chapter already has a outline written so it shouldn't take me very long to write. I am out of volleyball at the moment and won't be in it again until December which hopefully TIY will be done. Thanks for sticking with me 3.
Kel