Targets of the Dark Force

by Estel Baggins

The Star Wars trilogy with a living QuiGon, and lots of different challenges than occurred in the Jedi Apprentice and Jedi Quest series.

36. Boxes and Changing the Role of

Author's Note: Okay, so these are becoming Tuesday postings… Believe me, it's not from choice. Hope you enjoy these two chapters. Please let me know what you think about the first one- it was a beast to write.

Boxes and Bubbles

Obi-Wan stirred awake. At once, he was conscious of the hand in his. Sending his mind out in that direction, he felt Anakin sleeping beside him. The master smiled a little, but only a very little, because he could feel, through the Force, how much he'd taken from Anakin. And how close he himself had been to death. Anakin had brought him a great distance, and though his padawan had more help than ever before from the Force, he'd still given more energy than was strictly wise.

Obi-Wan still wasn't strong enough to send any energy in return, but he was himself enough to realize that he, and thus Anakin, hadn't been only fighting injuries caused by energy bolts. Of course not, he thought. Someone on the Dark Side wants me dead. It had to get involved.

He blinked, yawned. He reached out to Anakin, feeling that his padawan was deeply asleep, and decided that since he didn't have the strength to stay awake, and since Anakin showed no signs of opening his eyes soon, he might as well rest.

Within a minute, he was under again, and soon after that, he was dreaming.

He stood before three doors, and all around him was light so pure and bright that he was grateful for the semi-transparent blindfold over his eyes that shielded him. "Where am I?" he asked.

"In your mind still," answered the Force, seemingly from all around him. "These doors are memories and facts I have chosen to hide from you until you were ready." Obi-Wan felt a hand on his shoulder. "During those times when you thought you couldn't take any more, I hid these things from you."

"Giving me only what I could handle," Obi-Wan murmured, "or only what I could manage with help from others. Even if I don't like unburdening myself on them. On Anakin especially."

To that, the Force said nothing.

Obi-Wan gestured towards the doors. "Should I open one?"

"Yes."

The Jedi approached the middle door. He rested his hand on the doorknob.

"When the door opens, step inside and remove the blindfold. Then, when you are ready to emerge, put the blindfold back on."

Obi-Wan nodded and opened the door. He wasn't conscious of having stepped through the doorway, but the door closed soundlessly behind him and, finding himself in total darkness, Obi-Wan removed the blindfold. Before him was played out the rescue scene, when S'ban found Qui-Gon and he, Obi-Wan, helped S'ban move the injured, but still very much alive, Jedi master to his speeder. The remembered knowledge settled itself in conjunction with what Obi-Wan had thought, for months, to be the truth. Dizziness and nausea swept through him, then passed as his mind discovered that it could contain both memories easily enough. And, with the help of the Force, it even built the bridge between them: Obi-Wan's acceptance of Qui-Gon as dead so that the secret of Qui-Gon's continued existence could be kept.

"But now I know. You sent Prince Yeneluk to tell me."

"You didn't stop growing on Dagobah,"the Force answered. "You have grown sufficiently to accept this new responsibility. The secret still must be kept. Even Yeneluk will forget it, in time. You will be the only living being who knows."

"Why do you want me to know?"

The Force was silent.

Obi-Wan nodded, accepting that he wouldn't be answered. At a nudge from the Force, he turned back to the door and donned the blindfold. The door opened on its own, and again he wasn't conscious of stepping through, but stood in the light.

"Let me suggest you try the door to your left."

Obi-Wan nodded, touched the next doorknob, and was again inside. He tugged the blindfold down so that it hung about his neck like a kerchief.

At once, he felt that dizziness again as his right eye insisted that he was on Dagobah and his left insisted he was at Temple, standing a little distance from…

Obi-Wan forgot all about Dagobah and took a step towards Anakin, who lay on the floor of a meditation room. The padawan's eyes were half-closed and his face was bloodless. His hands lay limp at his sides.

And Adee lay on top of him, was touching him, stripping him.

Anakin didn't seem able to fight him, and though the horror of being touched was on Obi-Wan's mind, he couldn't bear to think that Anakin was paralyzed by the same type of fear. Wasn't Anakin, who had grown up around so much pain and torture and suffering, stronger than that?

The Force exploded around him, and Obi-Wan felt the empty space that surrounded Adee like a second skin. But unlike Anakin, who had never felt such an emptiness before, Obi-Wan had met and fought with something similar. He knew that at the center of every such seeming emptiness lived a core of Darkness. Adee was consumed by Darkness.

That much he'd known on Dagobah, or thought he'd known, until Adee began to be driven by fear. But of course, when Adee had been on Dagobah, he hadn't cloaked himself in emptiness. So, what had changed between when he raped Anakin and he arrived to face Obi-Wan?

That doesn't matter. Anakin matters. Anakin unable to fight matters. Obi-Wan took a step towards his padawan, and even though he knew this had already happened, he wanted so badly to save Anakin that his stomach clenched.

The Force opened up even more around him, revealing Zee coming, and also Obi-Wan's own end of the battle with Adee. Obi-Wan watched as Adee backed off, then came back, and drove into Anakin. Seeing the rape, Obi-Wan fell to his knees and threw up. No! he screamed in his mind just like the first time. No! Not my Anakin! Please, don't let him-

Again, Adee was pushed back. Then, joined by Zee, he attacked Anakin again. During all this time, Anakin couldn't move. He looked as though his muscles had been frozen.

And maybe they are. I know how to use the Light Force to freeze an opponent; Adee might have known the same. He groaned. If Anakin felt any fear being frozen by me after suffering this, he never showed it. Could that mean he's healed, that he's moved past it?

That would be a great relief, and it would support Obi-Wan's belief that Anakin was strong. But I don't know, and there's no way I'm going to let this go now that it's in my mind again. If he needs my help, I must be here for him. And… And there's no way he could have practiced self-healing so quickly, or even at all. He's going to need me.

Once more, the Force surged around him, and Obi-Wan heard Adee's thoughts: Tell me where Obi-Wan is. Tell me now. The pain will only stop when you tell me.

Fuck off, Anakin answered, his mind fogged with pain. But in the center of the fog, this truth remained: I will never tell you.

Obi-Wan reached deeper, sensing that there was a reason beyond friendship or loyalty behind that conviction. He wondered if Anakin was responding to some call of the Force. But before he could know for sure, the Force ebbed around him, calling him back to the door.

Only as he turned, reluctantly, to put the blindfold back on did he realize that he was crying. He brushed the tears away, vowing that he would speak to Anakin about all that had happened, no matter if his padawan wanted to hear it or not.

Then he was back out in the Light, and he went to the third door.

This time, he found himself on a world baking with heat. Lava flowed far beneath him, and Obi-Wan was forcibly reminded of the vision he'd had on Dagobah beneath the dead tree. Will I see myself here?

He started forward, looking everywhere for the two duelists. "I didn't forget this," he told the Force.

A voice from his right said, "You came. I didn't think you would."

Obi-Wan turned, and he knew the woman before him at once. A parent's intuition drove him. "Annie…"

She smiled. "I know; I've been gone for months. You thought I was dead. Though I'm surprised you recognize me. How old was I when I disappeared?" She held up a hand. "Never mind. Point is, not enough time has passed to affect the change you see before you, true? The Force helped me grow into this, so that I could fulfill my destiny."

"Annie, come home."

"No you're not. You're here looking for your precious padawan."

"But you're-"

She shook her head violently, sunset-red waves tumbling over her forehead. "Don't lie to me. That's very un-Jedi-like." She laughed. "Or very Jedi-like, depending on your point of view."

"What are are you talking about?" His heart ached, and he took a step towards her, his hand out. "Annie, Annie…"

"Enough. You never had anything but words for me. Why should I think that's changed now?" She turned from him, then whirled back, a blue lightsaber in her hand.

Obi-Wan's own blade was out, blue as well, and he caught her stroke. "Annie, stop this! Come home! We've all been looking for you! I've been looking for you!"

"Lies!" She struck at him again and again, and he was shocked by her strength and speed. She had learned much since she was taken from Temple.

Or since she ran away, his mind whispered. Don't forget that.

Annie backed off suddenly. "I can't kill you yet. Not before I tell you something. I haven't told Qui-Gon, but only because he died before I knew the truth." She smiled. "Don't feel too bad about my turning from you. You're not my father, or even really my mother. You were just the babysitter."

"What are you-?"

But she charged him then, and though he tried to bring his blade up, she stabbed him through the chest. He heard a terrible voice cry, Death to you, Obi-Wan Kenobi! No one will save your padawan now!

She drew back her blade. "And no one needs to save me. I was saved long ago."

Obi-Wan staggered back and crashed through the door. In the Light once again, he squeezed his eyes shut against the brightness. Raising himself from where he'd fallen, he turned his head to one side and threw up again. Force, no. What happened to her? How do I save her? How do I stop her? Force, what did she mean, and why would she want to kill me? Why would she want to flee the Jedi Temple in the first place? He retched, then puked again. Force, what do I do?

The answer came: "Tell Yoda of this vision, of the vision on Dagobah, and remind him of the words you heard at the time of her birth: 'We came only in response to the child. When she is ready, she will fulfill her destiny in us.' He needs to hear all of that. The shroud of the Dark Side has fallen, just as he said."

As his stomach settled Obi-Wan vowed to tell Yoda everything. He felt stronger, and got up. "What did she mean I'm not her parent?"

No answer.

Obi-Wan tried to ask the question in a different way, or to pursue others, but the world around him began to dissolve, and he realized that he was waking up.

oOo

Anakin was yanked awake by a pain so deep his first, sleep-confused thought was, We're on Ragoon and he's giving birth to Annie.

Then he came up a little more and knew that though he'd been wrong about the place and events he was in, he was right in this: the pain was Obi-Wan's, not his own. And though it wasn't physical pain, it was still intense and piercing. Fighting his way to wakefulness, Anakin sat up, conscious of a lingering exhaustion, but dismissing it. He turned to Obi-Wan, noting the two beds that had been pushed close together. Lying down, Anakin took Obi-Wan in his arms. He began to rub the older man's back and to murmur, "Sh. Sh. You're safe. Wake up. You're safe."

Obi-Wan jerked in his arms and threw up. Most of the mess ended up on Anakin's chest and on the sheets but some spattered on the padawans face.

Anakin didn't feel even a twinge of revulsion. With the Force, he drew up the blankets that had fallen off him when he sat up, and brushed the mess first from Obi-Wan's lips and chin, then from his own face. He'd have to do more than that, but first, he shook his master gently, needing to wake him. "Obi? Wake up. Obi, please." He swallowed past the lump in his throat.

But the older Jedi was just as deeply asleep as before.

Sighing, Anakin stared down at the soiled blankets. They wouldn't be enough. Should he go get help, or at least more towels, or should he stay here in case Obi-Wan woke in fear or was sick again?

He couldn't leave Obi-Wan. But he was afraid of the disease the mess between them might breed, and he knew Obi-Wan couldn't take anything more right now. His wounds were healing; that much Anakin could see at a glance. But infection and illness had to be avoided. Gently, he moved Obi-Wan so that the man lay with his head hanging partially over the side of Anakin's bed away from the mess. If he threw up again, he wouldn't drown. Then Anakin rose and went looking for help.

He found some in the person of a medical droid and Reeft, who had stayed all through the night. It was now close to dawn.

Reeft rose at once and stripped his tunic off over his head. He wore another, lighter one beneath this, and presented Anakin with the outer one.

Anakin took off his sodden tunic and the medical droid pointed him towards the small 'fresher in a corner behind a curtain.

"No," Anakin said. "I need to get back to him."

"I'll go," Reeft said. "You need to get cleaned up." He turned to the droid. "Go into my pack there and take out the brown bundle." He glanced at Anakin. "Trousers and an under-tunic. Join us when you're clean."

"Obi-Wan threw up, not me," Anakin said, dropping the tunic Reeft had given him and starting to strip right there. "I couldn't wake him." His need to see Obi-Wan grew each moment, but he knew he'd see Obi-Wan sooner if he just did as he was told. And hadn't he come here to kill all the germs that might be a danger to Obi-Wan?

Reeft said, "He'll be all right. You gave him a lot of blood, and though it surely saved his life, no one's meant to swallow that much." So saying, he left. The medical droid followed, having tossed the bundle of clothes on top of Reeft's tunic on the floor.

Anakin was in and out of the refresher in less than five minutes, and dressed in another two. He jogged back down to the room he'd shared with Obi-Wan. He passed the medical droid on the way, who was muttering to itself about more mess and carrying not only sheets and blankets but also what looked like more than one set of Jedi robes.

Anakin kept going, his heart thundering in his chest, but when he stood in the doorway of the room he stopped, his hand resting on the frame. Reeft sat on the floor, leaning against one wall. He was almost completely naked, only wearing undergarments around his lower region. In his arms, wrapped in two blankets, was Obi-Wan. The beds were both soiled still, though it was the mattresses this time, and Anakin realized Obi-Wan must have thrown up again.

He approached silently, afraid to startle Obi-Wan if his master was awake.

Reeft glanced at him, then whispered, his mouth close to Obi-Wan's ear, "Your padawan's here. He stayed with you all night. He saved your life. I've never seen such a show of Force from one so young. Or from anyone, come to think of it, except Yoda."

Obi-Wan raised his head and straightened his shoulders, and when he did, the blanket fell away, revealing that he was just as unclothed, at least on top, as Reeft. He reached out, seemingly unaware of his state of undress. "Anakin," he rasped, then he coughed harshly, bowing his head, and it seemed he would throw up again.

Jealousy froze Anakin's hand. Not now, he thought. Not when he needs me! But all he saw was that Reeft was touching Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan didn't flinch away. All he saw was the way Obi-Wan leaned against Reeft.

When the coughing fit passed, bringing up nothing more than air, Obi-Wan again raised his head. "Anakin, I need- We need-" His voice cracked and he seemed unable to go on.

What do you need? he wanted to demand. Do you want me to leave you alone with Reeft?

But, by reaching out to the Force, he pushed through the paralysis. He crouched at Obi-Wan's side. Even if he likes Reeft- he suffered a moment where he thought he might cry- he's asking for me to help him. I can't abandon him. He thought, too, that even though he couldn't tell Obi-Wan of his love, he was still free to feel it and to wrap it about Obi-Wan like another blanket. Obi-Wan didn't need to know what he felt from his padawan was more than friendship.

Reeft conveyed Obi-Wan into Anakin's arms, saying, "I'll go find some clothes for us both."

Obi-Wan glanced at him, nodded his thanks. As Reeft left the room, Obi-Wan drew back from Anakin and leaned against the wall, pulling the blankets around him and shivering.

But just as Anakin started to feel hurt by this withdrawal, Obi-Wan reached out and tugged at Anakin's hand. Anakin moved closer, also leaning against the wall. Obi-Wan's hand in his trembled but held Anakin's own with surprising strength.

"We need to talk. The Force spoke to me while I slept. It had taken certain memories from me until It thought I could handle them. Now that-" He shuddered strongly and what little color was in his face drained away.

Anakin moved even closer and wrapped Obi-Wan in a tight embrace. "Rest," he said. "We can talk as soon as you're strong enough." He was aware that he was crying and did his best to hide the tears. "I'm just glad you're alive."

A soft snort of laughter. "I understand I have you to thank for that fact."

"The Force more than me." His own voice broke, but he was too relieved to be embarrassed.

"You allowed the Force to work through you. That's a great-" Obi-Wan coughed- "great step. I'm proud of you, Padawan mine." A pause. "Can I call you that?"

The sorrow and hesitancy in Obi-Wan's voice when through Anakin like a knife. "Yes," he whispered, hugging Obi-Wan as close against him as he could manage. "I shouldn't have said you couldn't. I was just angry." He was tempted to kiss Obi-Wan's hair, and though he'd done it before, now he didn't dare. Instead, he laid his cheek against the fine auburn strands. "I'm so sorry, Obi. Please forgive me for being angry. And for assuming you surrendered to him. I should have known you would only follow the Force. And I should have realized that the Force knows what It is doing, even if I'm still angry with It and in need of answers." For the first time, Anakin was conscious of the new level of trust in his heart, and realized a great truth: he could still be angry with the Force and confused, but the trust he'd gained, even though it was a seed's worth compared to the great forest that was Obi-Wan's faith, it was unshaken by these transient, though intense, emotions.

Obi-Wan stirred, tried to pull back, but then slumped against Anakin, giving his padawan his whole weight. "Apology accepted." He groaned. "There's so much I want to ask and tell you…"

"But you need to sleep first. I know."

"Thank you for…" Obi-Wan groaned again, more softly, and all the tension went out of his muscles. He slept.

"Thank you for living," Anakin whispered.

oOo

Late that afternoon, Obi-Wan regained consciousness. He was able to feel the pain of his healing body for the first time, and knew that this was a sign he was gaining strength. He also felt the Force all around him, humming inside him like a thousand-voice choir.

Then he became conscious of the fact that the Force inside and around him was being directed, and he opened his eyes. Twenty Jedi sat around his bed, all with their eyes closed and their faces lit from within by the power of the Force. Anakin was there, flanked by Reeft and Ryn-yn. Bant, Nela and Ferus sat nearby. And Yoda was there.

Obi-Wan reached out to the Force, and felt, just beyond the protective web the Jedi had woven, the Dark Force trying to press close. He retreated into himself, knowing that he was getting stronger, but that he wasn't quite strong enough to face the sort of attack the strength of the Dark Force promised. And it's still trying to kill me. Force, what am I to you that the Darkness ignores the Chosen One in favor of me?

He wasn't expecting an answer to a question he'd asked before, but the Force surprised him. Anakin isn't the Chosen One yet. The Dark Force doesn't know what he is.

Does the Darkness think I'm the Chosen One? A thrill of terror ran through him, which he dispelled with a thought and a breath.

No, but it believes you hold the key to the growth of the Chosen One.

It believes that and doesn't know it's Anakin I'm helping?

It suspects. And since Anakin is not the Chosen One yet, all that is known is that you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, are a key player in the coming war for dominance.

The Force seeks balance, not dominance, Obi-Wan said.

True, but the Darkness knows it not, and neither does the Light, insomuch as those two parts can be separated. Think of what you call the 'sides' of the Force not as sides, but as My arms. They don't know why they do certain things; they merely obey. But unlike arms, they have some intelligence of their own. 'Some' to my way of thinking,though much more than any living being. The voice faded, but the Light Force around Obi-Wan intensified.

Someone sat on the edge of the bed he lay on. Unable to remember when he'd closed his eyes, Obi-Wan opened them again, meeting Yoda's wise gaze. "Master," he said, surprised to hear how strong his voice had become. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Anakin stir, then still. "Thank you for protecting me. When will I be strong enough that I don't need this wall you've created?"

"A few hours, a day, perhaps." Yoda laid a hand on Obi-Wan's brow. "Stronger already you are, but gathered much strength the Darkness has."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I can feel it."

"Doubt that I do not. Retire to the next room the rest of us will, but continue our vigil we will. Begin your physical strengthening you will. Remain with you Anakin will. Help you walk he will. Rely on him for a time you must."

In Yoda's voice, Obi-Wan heard the echo of feelings the Force had sent him more than once. And so I must accept that Anakin is meant to help me as much as I am to help him. And because the Force says it and Yoda says it, it's high time I listened and cast my pride away. What I told Anakin was true: I am arrogant, and that is my weakness. Force, help me to turn to Anakin for the help he can give. But also help me not to forget that he, too, is injured and that there will come a time, soon, when I must reopen certain wounds and help heal them. "Yes, Master," he said.

As one, the Jedi rose and started from the room. But before each left, he or she stopped to place a blessing on Obi-Wan. He received a kiss on the cheek from Bant, and one, on the forehead, from Reeft. Others blessed him by touching his hands or his forehead. Even Ferus and Nela did this, though they both looked uncomfortable to be offering blessing to a master that both had thought unshakeable for years.

When Gareth and Arnen stood beside him, Arnen said, "Thank you for saving my lover." His fingers were interlaced with Gareth's.

Obi-Wan smiled to see them, thinking how right they looked for each other. His heart ached as he thought of the separate paths he and Qui-Gon were now on, but he banished the pain for the moment. Arnen was waiting, unconsciously, Obi-Wan was sure, for some sort of blessing from the 'experienced' master. Glancing at Gareth, he saw a similar need in the older man's eyes. "May your love grow stronger each day, give you strength for the road ahead, and fill every moment you're together with a joy you can see, taste and breathe as well as feel."

Arnen squeezed Obi-Wan's hand.

Gareth touched Obi-Wan's forehead. "May your life be filled with sunrise," he murmured, "and with the rain of growth, and with the warm arms of a comforter." Then he touched Obi-Wan's lips. "May your devotion to the Force always be heard and may all listen." He touched Obi-Wan's cheek. "And may the one you wait for in the night of loss and confusion come to you and ease your pain." He and Arnen left before Obi-Wan could speak.

Not that he could think of anything to say. Gareth spoke as though he knew Qui-Gon were still alive. No. That's impossible. I'm just thinking that way because I feel guilty for hiding the truth from others.

It didn't matter what Gareth had meant. Obi-Wan sensed that he was waiting for someone. Not to come and heal his broken heart, since that was healing, but to join with him in whatever war he would soon be fighting. And when that person comes, he thought, all the pain and confusion of my life will be made right.

A hand touched Obi-Wan's own, and he came back to the physical world with a smile. "Anakin," he said. "I've missed you, Padawan mine. You don't know how good it is to wake up and see you here."

Anakin blushed a little, but bent close to Obi-Wan and murmured, "It's good to see you awake." Then he drew back. "I have to get you on your feet though, and you're probably not going to be glad to see me for long. I have to walk you around this room five times before I can let you lay down again. Regaining your physical strength will free the Light Force to shelter you from the Dark."

"Are you tired of shielding me already, Padawan mine?"

He'd meant it as a joke but Anakin answered, "Never, Obi. Never." Then, before Obi-Wan could reflect too much on the intensity he saw in the younger man's eyes, Anakin helped him to a sitting position. He slung Obi-Wan's arm around his shoulders and said, "Are you ready?"

Obi-Wan took stock of his trembling legs and his general weakness, and answered, "No. Let's go."

Anakin helped him up, and though Obi-Wan's legs did shake, they held. The two Jedi began their first circuit around the room, Anakin bearing over half of Obi-Wan's weight. They'd taken half a dozen steps when Anakin said, "I have to tell you something. I was planning to wait until you were stronger, but it keeps popping into my mind."

"Go-" gasp- "ahead."

Anakin told him of the Tusken Raiders, leaving nothing out. His voice broke several times, but though he showed anger, he showed more remorse than anything. And he was able to convey the fear he felt. He paused after speaking of returning to the workshop and having Padme try to comfort him, but before Obi-Wan could think of what to say, Anakin burst out, "Jedi aren't supposed to have emotions like that."

Did I teach you that? But for once Obi-Wan was sure he hadn't. This was just Anakin's guilt talking. He motioned Anakin to stop walking and he faced his padawan. "Yes… we are." He closed his eyes as the world tried to turn a somersault. When he was sure it was steady again, he met Anakin's gaze. "We're sentient; we're not drones. It's not that we have the emotions, but what we do with them."

Anakin looked miserable. "Maybe, but I was still wrong to kill them."

Obi-Wan said, gently as he could, "Yes. But it's in the past. I won't hold it against you, and if you hold it against yourself, you'll breed more anger, fear and feelings of self-doubt. Remember those boxes in your mind from when you were nine?"

Anakin blinked, confused. "Yeah…"

"By spending time feeding the memory of your mistakes and anger, you're creating more of those. I could have chosen to create a ton of boxes in my own mind about my decision to abandon you to Adee, but-"

Anakin held up a hand, and his eyes darkened. "I'm not angry with you about that. You served the Force. That's all that matters. And it's over now."

Obi-Wan stared at his padawan. You can't have healed that fast and fully. But he also saw that Anakin wasn't ready to talk yet, so he vowed to keep pushing towards that eventual confrontation, but to do it subtly. There was a time for direct questioning and a time for biding time, and a wise master knew which was which. He said, "We never went back and took all of them down, did we? The boxes in your mind?"

Anakin relaxed; the fear in his eyes faded. "It would take too long, and we were always on a mission."

Ah, a truth that had to be told. "You're old enough to know the reason we were on so many missions. It's because I accepted so many. I wanted to be out of the Temple and anything that reminded me of Qui-Gon."

Anakin blinked and thought, That's what love meant for Obi: devotion and a need to be spared the pain of missing his lover. A thrill ran through him, and though he at once squelched it, he couldn't stop this thought: If I ever chose to admit my love to him, that's what it could mean for me.

Obi-Wan continued, "We could take the boxes down now and go through them."

Maybe we could get rid of some of the anger I still feel at the Raiders. That would be a great relief, and maybe Obi-Wan could help him start to understand more of the ways of the Force, and how to be free to be angry at it and yet to continue to strengthen his trust. Then he thought of all the things he didn't want Obi-Wan to know: his love, his jealousy and, above all, his weakness. Still, those things could be hidden if he asked Obi-Wan to leave them be. Obi-Wan had once given a promise that he'd never pry into his padawan's thoughts but wait for an invitation, and he'd never broken it. "If you'll agree to leave some boxes alone. Not the anger I feel, but something I'm not ready to tell you yet."

"Do you think it's wise to keep it secret?"

"I'll ask the Force's help, and when I'm ready to talk, you'll be the first one I come to."

Obi-Wan nodded. "All right. And I'll let you see my bubbles, if you will."

"Bubbles?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "My mental container-creations are round and slightly elastic. That's just the way they decided to form themselves." He smiled a little. "When should we start?"

Anakin remembered then that they were supposed to be walking and he started forward again. "When you can walk."

Obi-Wan gasped out a chuckle. "Agreed."

oOo

It would prove to be a very short meeting. Yoda sensed this even as he noted all the other people who were awaiting an audience with the Chancellor. And it wouldn't be short because of the long line Yoda had just cut in front at the chancellor's request. It would be brief because the Jedi Master already thought he knew what the man would say, and he knew how he would answer. What more would need to be said?

"Please sit, Master Yoda," Palpatine invited. "How is young Master Kenobi?"

Yoda settled himself and gazed across the desk. "Recovering he is."

"I'm glad to hear it. No one is more shocked or disappointed than I am about the attack right in the heart of Republic."

Yoda chose not to reply to that. "Asked for me you did?"

"Yes, Master." The chancellor steepled his fingers. "With war so close upon us, and considering what happened in the Senate only four days ago, I think the Jedi would best serve by aiding other planets in their crises than by trying to change things here in the Senate. When the war is over and safety can be assured, then young Master Kenobi, or another, can return and continue the work here. Until then, a great diplomat like him should be out saving lives through peaceful negotiation."

Yoda didn't show any of his feelings. Under Mace's suggestion, he'd been keeping a closer eye on the Senate. He'd been watching the proceedings when Obi-Wan was attacked, and it was due to this rather than to the runner Palpatine had sent to the Temple, that Obi-Wan had been brought with all speed to the Temple medics. The runner hadn't reached the Temple until after six medics and three Jedi with special gifts for preserving life were sent to Obi-Wan. "Recovering Master Obi-Wan still is, but ready he is not to assume any duties yet. When ready he is, sit down and discuss this matter the three of us should. Followed the Force to this calling Obi-Wan did, and though perhaps changed the Force's call for him has, hear that I am sure you wish to from his own lips before decide anything we do. War a time of quick decisions must be, but to think each decision through our duty it still is. Time there will be for you to speak with Obi-Wan. Let you know I will when regained his strength he has."

Palpatine was silent for a moment, then he nodded. "Of course, Master Yoda, you know the will of the Force, and I wouldn't dream of interfering with your calling. Please inform me as soon as the young master is ready to meet with me."

Yoda nodded and climbed from the chair. "Thank you for your time," he said.

The chancellor stood. "Thank you for yours." Then he sat again and turned his attention to the holoscreen before him.

Yoda left the office, his mind on the Dark Force user who had tried so fervently to kill Obi-Wan. The wave of Darkness this person had sent had dissipated early that morning, at last leaving the Jedi who had been keeping it at bay able to rest. Two Jedi still remained near Obi-Wan while he was regaining his strength, but he was making swift progress and should be ready in less than two days to take up the battle again.

Only then would Yoda allow Palpatine to talk of ending the work against corruption, and he knew that Obi-Wan would fight against it. Palpatine seemed to have a remarkably short memory. Had he forgotten already that the Senate's level of corruption had been part of what drove the Separatists to secede? And if he hadn't forgotten, but was purposely ignoring the past, then he would bear even greater watching.

oOo

A week had passed since Obi-Wan had taken his first steps, and though he was at last allowed to finish recovering in his quarters, tended by his padawan, he was required to show his progress each afternoon to a group of medical droids who measured his heart rate and scanned his healing wounds for infection and strain.

Just now, he sat across from Anakin in the middle of their common room. It was time to talk boxes and bubbles. We'll pop some of my bubbles and unload a few of your boxes, Obi-Wan sent. He grinned a little despite the seriousness of their undertaking. There was just something amusing about the imagery of going in with a pin and popping one luminous bubble after another. Like balloons at a child's party.

Anakin answered, Except your bubbles might hold nasty surprises.

Hopefully not too many surprises. I think I know most what I harbor. As do you, I'm guessing.

Or I wouldn't have asked you to stay away from some of them. Anakin sighed. You're not angry about that, are you? Or hurt?

You're on the cusp of becoming a knight. I can't expect you to tell me everything. The only emotion I feel regarding those kept boxes is worry. I can't help that. I want to take care of you, as I'll always want to. He paused. Actually, one of my bubbles is most likely worry for you, not because you are inexperienced, but because I care about you. He closed his eyes. Can you see the bubbles?

Yes. They're... pretty. Lovely, I guess. He touched one that was glowing a soft gold-yellow. I thought they would be grey.

I do my best to cover my worries with the Light Force. I started doing it when I was four or five, even though I didn't know that I was asking the Force's help. He pushed a bubble forward. Shall we see what's inside?

All right.

Obi-Wan laid a mental hand against the bubble and it popped, sending this concern into their minds: I haven't yet told Anakin of the dreams I had.

Anakin blinked. What dreams?

The memories I spoke of, the ones the Force allowed me to see now that I'm a little stronger. I dreamed of three doors. One led to Qui-Gon's death, another to when Adee raped you- he felt the sudden tension in Anakin and so moved on- and the last dealt with the future. With Annie. We were on a lava-world together. He blinked, remembering something. Qui-Gon and I dreamed of that lava-world once. Early in my relationship with you. Two Jedi dueled aobe the fiery rivers. One was me, or someone very close to me, and the other, and maybe I'm wrong to assume this, was Annie. He sighed, and allowed all the sorrow and uncertainty he felt about his daughter flow from his mind to Anakin's and back. I want to close my eyes to what I saw, and to stop my ears. She's my daughter and I don't want to believe anything terrible about her.

He leaned forward unconsciously. But that's a failing of mine, and acknowledging the failing, while it's the first step, is by far the last. Anguish floated between them. I have to consider the possibility that the Dark Force's words to me when she was born, the Dark Force wave that came both on the day before she born and during her birth might be somehow true, or at least might be warnings. So strong was his distress that he ran a hand through his hair. And there's more. On Dagobah, before I spoke with a vision of you, I saw you and her fighting. So maybe the two who battle on the lava-world are you and my daughter. He made a soft, sad noise. But I never make time to see her, so how can she be my precious anything?

Anakin reached out in the physical world, taking Obi-Wan's hands in his. You're staying away for her own good. She would start depending on her parent being there if you were there all the time. You knew, when you decided to let her stay here at Temple, that you couldn't raise her personally. That was a hard decision. But it was the right one. He added, And though you're the first Jedi to have a child here, that doesn't mean you don't have help. Take your concerns about her to Yoda.

I'm planning on it. The Force gave me the same directive. He squeezed Anakin's hands. But none of that changes the fact that I feel an attachment to her that I have no right to feel. I carried and delivered her, but-

And guarded her for a month with everything that is in you. That time made a stronger bond that you were expecting.

Yes, Obi-Wan answered, that's true. So are you saying that I'm at least partially justified in the attachment I feel to her?

You are. And even if she wasn't your daughter, she's a youngling who needs help. I know you, Obi; if this was happening to a child that wasn't your own, but you'd been given all these warnings, you would feel just as responsible for her.

You're so sure?

Positive. Obi, who knows you better than me? You're blessed or cursed with a loving heart. Everyone knows it and sees it. That's why you have so many friends outside the Order. That's why so many were clustered around you beside the pyre. You have a loving heart, and everyone knows. They trust in it. No matter who she is, blood of yours or not, you would still feel this way.

Obi-Wan murmured, "Maybe." Then, There's more. Behind that last door, Annie and I fought. She came at me with a lightsaber- one with a blue blade- and I was forced to defend myself. But then she stopped fighting and said, 'Don't feel too bad about my turning from you. You're not my father, or even really my mother. You were just the babysitter.' I don't understand what she meant, or even if that was real. Visions must be interpreted. Maybe I'm still, deep down, hurt that she wasn't Qui-Gon's. He sighed. I just don't know. And I don't want to make you feel like I'm looking for answers from you, Padawan mine, only a listening ear. I don't want to heap too much on you.

You've said that before, when you were on Dagobah and you contacted me after- Anakin swallowed the rest of that sentence. And I'll say the same I did before: you're not heaping too much on me. I can take a lot. And most of things you give me aren't heavy, like the deaths I gave to you.

Or the boxes you're sharing with the Force? Obi-Wan knew he was taking a risk with this question, that he might be making Anakin believe that he, Obi-Wan, still held a grudge. But he had to trust that Anakin knew him well enough to understand.

Those are heavy, too, Anakin admitted. Then he was silent for a time, drawing a little back into himself. When he emerged again, he sent, Talk to Master Yoda about Annie. I think you're dream is right; she has something wrong with her. He told Obi-Wan of the time he had talked to Annie after Obi-Wan had sent him out of the Senate. Maybe I was just too upset myself, but her questions bothered me.

I don't blame you. They make me uneasy, too. I'll tell Master Yoda everything. Once we're done here. And, with that decision, four bubbles went, popping but taking their concerns with them. Obi-Wan smiled a little in their minds. So, that was more of a concern than I thought.

What about Qui-Gon's death?

I don't think there are more bubbles concerning that. Even the voice that I originally thought was his has faded. It returns, sometimes, when I sleep, but it doesn't hurt me anymore.

Did you ever figure out how you were supposed to move on?

Partially. I was supposed to accept his death as a natural part of life. That I've done well with, I think, though I still miss him. Then I was to start missing him less, and that's happening, though I have setbacks still. Losing a lover isn't something I would ever want to do again, but the Force has brought me through this, and so I must assume that It will bring me through whatever is in my path. As to what else I'm supposed to do: well, if I'd done it already, I wouldn't still hear the voice, I don't think. But I'm not sure what the next step is. I'm not worried; the Force will lead me where I need to go.

A single bubble popped out of existence and Anakin asked, What was in that one?

Obi-Wan sounded amused. A chunk of my pride. Each time I admit, to myself or to others, that I can't control my own destiny, one of those pops. Others will take its place; I'm too arrogant by nature to be rid of them for good, at least that's how I am just now, but having one go away is a nice relief.

Anakin grinned. If you can admit you're arrogant, I think that means you aren't.

Maybe not right this second, but there are a lot of seconds in a lifetime. Obi-Wan reached out and laid a hand on one of Anakin's boxes. Is this one safe to open?

Anakin thought it might be, and so he approached and lifted the lid. Peering in, he saw a thousand question marks. He held this out to Obi-Wan, blushing, wishing he'd hidden this box, too. Not really, he admitted, keeping this thought to himself. Because he already knows about this. To Obi-Wan, he sent, I failed my mother, and I've failed you before, and I've failed the Force. What if I'm not strong enough or fast enough when the Force or circumstances call on me? He couldn't convey the real horror he felt with those simple words, and so he projected all the feelings that had given rise to the words. He didn't feel equal to the title of Chosen One, and he felt it was preposterous and dangerous to assume that he was going to be able to save anyone. I miss her, and I'm afraid of you dying when I could have saved you, but it's more. The Force shouldn't have chosen me. I'm not wise, and even though I have a deep Force-connection, I'm prone to forgetting it when I'm angry or feeling something else strongly. He shook his head. It's no way for a Jedi to behave, but especially not a Jedi so close to becoming a knight, like you keep saying, or one who's supposed to be the Chosen One, like I know all the Jedi are saying.

Obi-Wan saw the extent of Anakin's worries like a great forest of boxes rising all around his padawan. He answered, Your fear, Anakin, is justified, but only in this: you are only seeing what you can do, not what you can accomplish with the Force. He cast a look at the boxes. There are a few parts to your fear. Do you mind if we take it apart and look at each?

Anakin shook his head. I'm sorry I've kept this in for so long.

We've addressed some of this before, and, recently, I haven't been able to listen. Stop thinking on what you did in the past and let's take these apart now. Obi-Wan didn't need to open a box. He knew many would disappear if Anakin believed his next words. It wasn't your fault that your mother died.

Yes it was! I should have kept reaching out to the Force, even after it said she was fine, just to make sure. I kept dreaming about her; I should have checked.

Yes, and perhaps I should have as well. Or we should have taken it to Yoda. Or we should have demanded that the Force tell us if things had changed. Or we should have demanded that the Force tell us the truth: that your dreams were sent by the Dark Side. Point is, it's in the past.

Anakin's shock ran between them. But if it was the Dark Side, why did it tell me at all?

The Dark and Light aspects of the Force are still the Force, right?

Anakin nodded, confused.

The Force can only tell the truth. That's part of what makes It the Force. So, the Dark Side can only tell the truth, but that truth can be distorted or only half-told. If the Light Force had been sending you those dreams, you would have known at once the moment she was truly in danger.

Does that mean we were talking to the Dark Force when we asked if she was well? Anakin shuddered.

No, we were speaking to the Light, and that's why we received the answers we did. As far as the Light Force was concerned, she was safe that first time, and so It told the truth as It knew the truth. Now that you're asking me these questions, questions I asked of the Force only a few days ago, I need to tell you something. And he conveyed, as best he could, the message the Force had told him.

The Light Force could be too strong? Anakin asked. And it could lead us back to the Darkness?

Yes, because the Light Force seeks peace at all costs, and such an unwavering goal leads to a need for power, and the accumulating of and lust for power comes from the Dark Side. It is the Force we follow, not one side or the other. The Light Force helps us; I don't deny that. When we are in pain, it is one half of the Light Force, the Living Force, that heals us many times. And when we are seeking answers to questions, it is the Unifying Force that supplies them. But think, Anakin. What do we say when we go our separate ways?

May the Force be with you. Then Anakin blinked. Not the Light Force or the Dark Force, but just the Force. Which could mean either side, right? So we could be wishing harm on each other?

No, because in the ultimate plan of the Force, there is no talk of saving or killing. There is only the Force's Will, which is to bring balance between the two sides. The galaxy can't be run by the Jedi, as the Light Force would wish, nor by the Sith, which is the Dark Side's goal, but must be ruled by the Force, which demands that both live.

But isn't the Darkness bad? Obi, I'm really confused.

I know, Anakin. It's all right. Confusion just means you're looking for answers. Think of it this way: the Force is a nest of glis-li three dozen eggs and also the environment around the nest, the world outside the eggs. Darkness and Light are part of this world. Light is the sun, the mother warming her chicks, the food her mate brings to feed her. Dark are the snakes that come to take some of the eggs, or the eggs that don't hatch. The Force makes both to exist together in a delicate balance. What would happen if there was no Light?

Anakin could see the nest in his mind, guarded by a mother bird whose plumage was the same color as Obi-Wan's hair. (He blushed at this and hoped Obi-Wan hadn't made the comparison.) He considered the image, reminded of the puzzles Obi-Wan had given him when he was younger, though those had been given while the two of them were usually doing some sort of physical activity because Anakin hadn't been able to hold still. He didn't have to think hard; this part of the puzzle was easy. The eggs would all die because they wouldn't have warmth or protection.

Right. And what if there was no Dark?

All the birds would live. Isn't that a good thing?

What if there wasn't enough food? Or what if there was enough food for that species, but they ate all the others out of house and home?

Anakin blinked. Oh. Then, after a moment, So the Force makes a plan for the galaxy, and everyone can't live but the ones who do have more opportunities because others die?

Yes, though I'm not sure I've ever heard it described so flatly. I was thinking more of this end to the story: the Force doesn't make all to live long lives, or to live completely happy lives, but It gives us a stage to walk on and a time to sing. What we make of the time and space we're given is up to us. That might seem simplistic; what about the people born into slavery, or the ones born into abject poverty? They are given different choices, but they're also allowed to make what they can of the lot they're given. We aren't all asked to sing the same line, but to sing different lines so that the Great Music, or Plan, will be fulfilled. Death, sorrow and injustice are part of that plan, but power is given to some so that these things might be changed. Also, happiness and love exist, but how do you know when you're happy if you've never been miserable? And how do you know if you love someone if you've never been without the longing for love?

He squeezed Anakin's hands, tugging the padawan a little closer. His eyes still closed, he sent this image: a seesaw such as the younglings used when they were very small. On one side, the Light Force, on the other, Darkness. In the middle, holding all together and striking blows that we might grow and also staying blows so we can enjoy short times of peace, the Force. You, Padawan mine, if you are in truth the Chosen One, will stand in the middle of that seesaw, letting the Force flow through you. It will be the Force that brings balance, but your body, your mind, your actions, will turn the Force's thoughts into actions.

And now, he held up a mental hand because he sensed Anakin might interrupt, as to your thoughts about your mother and your worries about my death: the Dark Force made it possible for you to know that she was going to die, but the Light Force made it possible for her to see you before she died, making it so that she died in peace. Didn't she smile at you before she died?

Yeah, but I wish she hadn't died.

I know. I wish Garen and Siri hadn't died. Or Qui-Gon. And I wish I'd been there when each died, but I wasn't allowed to be. The Force's plan called for them to die, and for your mother to die, but for you and I to live. Why? Only the Force knows. Were these deaths punishments for something we failed to do? No. If the Force had meant for Shmi Skywalker and Garen Ruhl to live, they would be alive now. The Force called them to come to It, and they left. He was still for a moment, then he sent, Crown Prince Yeneluk said something interesting to me. He said that we don't disappear when we die, only that we cross to a new plane that many from this world can't reach and from which most spirits can't return.

Anakin gaped. Do you believe it?

I'm not sure, but though I was taught differently all my life, isn't there a chance one way or the other might be wrong? We won' know until we're dead ourselves, or unless some ghost comes to tell us. Neither of those things in likely to happen by our wishing for it, so the best we can do is go forward in hope and faith. What else is there? Fear? That's a waste of time. We aren't the Force and so we can't know the answers to all our questions. But we are given the answer to fear, and that is: have faith. Have faith that the Force knows what It does, and knows the best for all of us.

And there, Anakin, is the answer to the rest of your question: you can only do what feels right and give the rest over to others.

But what if I don't follow the Force for an instant and it's the wrong instant?

Don't you think the omniscient Force provides for our slips in timing or attention? It knows we're only mortal, fallible things. All the Force can ask is that we do our best in each moment, and to let each moment go once it's over. Make a decision; make another. How are we to know what the right decisions will be? Not even Yoda can see all ends.

Anakin answered, amused, You learned a lot on Dagobah, didn't you?

Obi-Wan smiled. You could say that. Though I learned much of what I just told you the last week or so. He had the great pleasure of watching about twenty boxes disappear from Anakin's mind.

A bubble for me now, I think. On Dagobah, I learned I am a 'great Jedi master'. He snorted. As much as I defy all the words that were ever said about me, I still don't feel equal to the tasks the Force sends me. A few months before I returned to Temple, I hadn't yet regained any of the connection to the Force that I lost after ber'Nac raped me that final time. I'd learned how to depend more on my instincts and how to listen to the whisper of the Force, but I was feeling weaker and more unequal to being a Jedi, to being your master, than ever. Then the Force came to me and ordered me to tell It all the things I was good at. He chuckled. I don't mind telling you it was like pulling teeth, and the Force was right to show a little frustration at my feelings of inadequacy posing as dissembling words. After making me compare myself to other Jedi and finally to Yoda, the Force commanded me to repeat this statement, no matter how foolish I felt doing it: I, Obi-Wan Kenobi, am a great Jedi Master. A pause; Obi-Wan cleared his throat. His blush showed in both their minds. First I thought it, doubting every word. But the Force told me to say it again, so I did. And again. Then I was made to shout it. And when I did that… The universe was opened to me, Anakin. I caught a glimpse of the raw Force, like a great, overarching blanket, or a comet so large and so brightly burning that it blotted out all the stars. Instead of making me feel smaller, for the first time I realized that I was part of something huge, and that no matter my own lack of strength, the Force would work through me, as long as I agreed not to get in Its way. I… I could be a great Jedi, if I would just shut up and get out of the Force's way.

Anakin didn't answer for several moments, then he said, his spoken words startling in the silence, "Then you need to listen to your own words and get out of the way as far as Annie is concerned. Help her as much as you can, do what you think is best for her, talk to Yoda, but, in the end, let the Force's will be done." He moved closer to Obi-Wan, pressing at his master's hands until Obi-Wan opened his eyes. "She's your daughter, and that makes it hard to just step back and listen to the Force, but you have to. Not just because the Force commands you, but because you know it's right."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, I suppose you're right. I should pay a little more attention to my own advice."

"No, just to the Force. I think you like hearing yourself talk a little too much." Anakin grinned, but held up a hand when Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak. "Come on; we're not done yet."

Obi-Wan felt a great need to just stop there. Gazing at Anakin, he wanted something more than his padawan's hands in his. No, he thought. Whatever it is that I want, he needs me. We've made good progress, but it's not done yet. There is so much he has to tell me, and that I must tell him. Who knows when we'll get this chance again? He was filled with an urge to tell Anakin that Qui-Gon still lived, but that their paths had diverged. He swallowed the impulse and said, reaching once again through the Force, "What would you talk about, Padawan mine?" He closed his eyes and found himself once again in Anakin's mind.

More boxes were gone now. Anakin stared up at the remaining ones. Most of the ones he'd wanted to hide were far back, and so he turned to those closer in. He laid his hand on one, reading the inscription on the side. None of the others had inscriptions. The Arena, it said, and Anakin's stomach writhed beneath his ribs. He wasn't sure he was ready to open that box.

What is it? A vision of Obi-Wan appeared beside him, and the master crouched down to read the box. He traced the letters with his fingers. Seeing so many die… I never thought it could happen. I was so sure, even though I knew about all the droids, that the Jedi would prevail. So many came to our aid, and only a handful walked away. If it hadn't been for those who helped me, I would have been dead as well. He looked up, and their eyes locked. I'm sorry you had to see so much death, Anakin. No one is ever old enough to see it, and, if you're lucky, you never grow used to it. But to keep our souls, sometimes we have to live through times like these.

Anakin crouched next to Obi-Wan, not looking at the box now. I don't think I'll ever forget your face when Siri died. Or when you saw Garen. He winced; Obi-Wan felt this. There wasn't any anger in it, and I didn't understand that at the time. I even wanted to be angry at you because you weren't angry at Dooku. But then… I looked at Bant. She had this look on her face, too, like yours, but so bright with pain that I swear I could see her heart breaking. And then, when I looked back at you, I saw the same expression on your face, and I knew that you'd given over anger for sadness. Maybe you could have felt anger, if the circumstances had been a little different, or if they hadn't been your friends, but you felt only grief. That's when I knew your loving heart drew everyone to you. He bore down on Obi-Wan's hands. I'm sorry they died. Tell me how I can forget what I saw. If there's a way, I'll take it. I've dreamed about the look on your face twice now.

Obi-Wan wrapped mental arms around his padawan. There is no way, Anakin, he sent, except to give your pain to the Force, and for time to pass. And to keep talking about it. The more you talk, the better you'll feel. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but just as when Qui-Gon died and I thought talking was the last thing I wanted to do, it turned out to be the healing balm I needed. He drew Anakin close in the physical world as well, hugging him tightly. We both lived through that battle; talking together will help us both. Like Qui-Gon's death, the pain from this will ease, but only given time. And some of the tings you saw that day may never go away.

Here they halted, though they both sensed there was more to be discussed. They wanted to go on, but exhaustion was taking them both, and though their wills were both strong, the need for sleep was stronger. Emotionally done in, they rose together and went to Obi-Wan's bed. Anakin lay between the sheets and Obi-Wan lay on top, covering them both with the comforter. They fell asleep with Anakin turned away from Obi-Wan, but in the night, they moved together. Then, as dawn turned the sky pink and palest blue, they moved apart again.

Changing the Role of the Jedi Is

The next morning, Anakin awoke with the strangest feeling of contentment. He snuggled into his covers, seeking warmth. Instead, he found a supine body close to his. Cracking one eye open, he grinned to see Obi-Wan's tousled head almost completely under the comforter. Then Anakin remembered how they had sought this bed together without even a word of discussion. Maybe…

But reality was harsher than dreams. Anakin remembered that he lay between the sheets, and Obi-Wan lay on top of them. They were still separated, if only by a very thin covering. The younger Jedi sighed. Never mind. 'Maybe' is the stuff of dreams. Obi will never see me as anything other than a friend.

Obi-Wan was dreaming something; Anakin felt the waves of it in the Force. The padawan resolved to stay out of his master's mind, but when Obi-Wan muttered, "Anakin," in his sleep, the temptation was too much to resist.

I'll just peek for a second, the padawan consoled his conscience. Then he closed his eyes and slipped effortlessly into Obi-Wan's mind.

Obi-Wan stood in a spotlight and around him were rank upon rank of clones.

"We're marching into battle this day," Obi-Wan said. "The Jedi Temple has been taken and the Senate building destroyed, but the Republic still lives. We can still rebuild, if only we can retake those things that were taken from us."

"General Kenobi," said one of the clones, stepping forward.

"Yes, Commander Grene?"

"There are only three Jedi left, and though there are many troops, how can only three battalions hope to take back everything?"

"The Force tells me we can do it," Obi-Wan answered, then he stopped. "No, the Force doesn't say that. I say that." He covered his face. "And this isn't right. The war hasn't gone this far yet."

Anakin watched the droids vanish, to be replaced by a thousand B'yrch trees. He watched Obi-Wan lower his hands, then step into the woods. The padawan followed.

Obi-Wan made his way to a small clearing. Here he knelt and bowed his head, his eyes cast to the ground. "Force, please help me," he whispered. "The Jedi are going to fall. You send me that feeling again and again. I don't want the Jedi to fail, not for your purposes, but for my own. Please, Force, don't let us die." He wrapped his arms around his middle. "I know I'm being selfish, and that's no way for a Jedi to remain. But the fall of the Jedi means death to many. I don't want to lose Anakin. Or Bant. Or Reeft. Or any of them. If we are scattered so that we may learn, I can live with that. I can live- somehow- with the destruction of the Temple. It's just a thing, no matter how I feel about it. But to lose more and more lives… Force, please tell me that's not going to happen."

Anakin reached out to the Force, but heard no response. But in reaching out, he brushed against Obi-Wan's mind, and his master froze, then stood.

"Anakin." He shook his head. "Are you part of this dream, or are you really here?"

"I'm really here." Anakin flushed. "You said my name in your sleep, and I… I had to know what you were dreaming." He scuffed a toe in the fall of dry, decaying needles on the forest floor. "Just like when I was nine, I guess." He turned partially away from Obi-Wan. "I'm sorry. I'll leave. I have no right to pry."

"I'm not angry, Padawan mine. There is nothing I wouldn't gladly share with you. I know that sounds strange, considering how I've behaved in the past, but the Force- and Yoda, and you- keep telling me I need to stop keeping things to myself and trying to take on the galaxy with nothing more than my wits."

He chuckled, and the sound made Anakin look at him.

"Depending on the Force is what we're meant to do, but if we can't see past our own mistakes to the will of the Force on our own, we need help from others." He shook his head. "And by 'we', I mean me." He stepped towards Anakin. "So, now that you've seen my full-blown fear, what's your opinion?"

Anakin gaped at him, then managed to get his jaw back up so he could talk. "How can you take this so calmly? How can you switch from being on your knees in front of the Force to this? If you're still feeling all of that, how can you just bury it?"

"Easy," Obi-Wan answered. "There's a bubble all ready for it." He waved his hand and the trees vanished.

Anakin felt his mouth fall open again. "You can just control your dreams?"

"That particular skill comes from many hours of meditation. Most of the time, I just let the Force or my own mind take me where it will, and there are times- like when I was dreaming of the voice endlessly- that I couldn't either change what I was hearing or wake myself up. But usually those are skills I rely on."

"I wish you'd told me about this!" Anakin looked around. The two of them were standing in a meditation room seventy meters long and so high he knew he'd get dizzy if he stared up at the ceiling too long. "Don't answer that. Where are we?"

"This is where I come to meditate." Obi-Wan turned a full circle, and as he gestured, paintings and drawings and plants appeared all around them. "All these are things I've used to focus my mind on a particular problem or to take my mind off a problem that's keeping me from finding peace." He strode towards a meter-tall painting and Anakin followed. "Who is this?" Obi-Wan asked.

"It's me. When I was…" Anakin blinked. The picture was in motion. "When I couldn't hold still?"

"Exactly. I would come here to meditate on the Force in your movements. Trained to sit still, and being somewhat sedentary by nature, I needed to come here and remember that you could still feel the Force when you moved, and that you didn't need periods of inactivity to focus your mind."

"But my mind usually wasn't focused."

"Maybe, but that was more due to your choices of what to think about than because you were moving. I needed to remind myself of that every once in a while."

Anakin wondered how long it would take for him to explore each of the images Obi-Wan had created and hear their stories. He decided he had a more important quest. Turning to Obi-Wan, he asked, "Are you sure the Jedi are going to fall?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "No, but the Force has sent me that feeling more than once. I haven't been able to establish if the feeling comes from the Dark Force or the Light, and that makes a difference, but the feeling doesn't grow less. If the feeling is from the Dark Force- since no part of the Force can lie- the fall of the Jedi may happen two thousand years from now, but the Dark Force is allowing me to draw my own conclusions." He shrugged. "More important in my fear is this: even though we are not supposed to dwell on death, since it will come no matter how much we think about it, I still find myself dreading the idea that I could lose more and more friends. If I fear anything about the end of the Jedi Order, it is that. If you were standing by the clearing about three minutes ago, you would have heard me tell the Force that I don't mind if the Jedi are scattered for Its purposes, but I want all of them to live." He closed his eyes for a moment, then focused on Anakin again. His gaze was more than a little haunted. "I never want to see or sense so much death ever again. It was like I couldn't breathe, and no matter how bad the pain and shock got, they kept getting worse. I was drowning in the arena. The only thing that kept me focused on fighting was first my own weakening body, then the drive to protect others- Gareth, Arnen, Siri." He sighed, and now his eyes were sad. "The Force would help me, of course, and somehow I would get through it, but until I must face that hour, I pray the Force will tell me it won't come until long after I'm dead."

He waved a hand, and a bubble larger than any of those Anakin had seen before, and larger than ten of Anakin's boxes put together appeared in the air above them.

"This is my greatest fear, Anakin. It's not something I can see a way through or a way around, except to keep bringing it to the Force." He snorted. "Qui-Gon told me a thousand times that I concentrated too much on the future, and he was right. Here's the proof." He raised his hand, and the bubble faded from sight.

"Wait," Anakin said. "Bring it back."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at his padawan, but gestured so that the bubble popped back into existence.

Anakin walked to the bubble and laid a hand against it. It didn't pop. That was all right; all Anakin wanted to do was feel it. The thing pulsed like a fast-beating heart, and put out a great deal of energy. "This is more than your biggest fear," he said. "Encasing it in the Light Force hasn't done anything to stop the intensity of it." He touched his belt, seeking his lightsaber. It was there, and he drew it out. "You might want to stand back," he said, activating the weapon.

Obi-Wan strode forward and nudged Anakin back a step. His own lightsaber was in his hand. "If anyone should move back, it should be you. We're talking decades of fear, Anakin. It might be overwhelming."

Anakin wanted to argue, but, he reasoned, as long as he pops the thing, who cares that he does it and not me? He felt a tickle in the back of his mind, and he acknowledged it. Yeah, I'm being a hypocrite, wanting to expose and dissipate his feelings and not letting him within shouting distance of mine, but… but…

Just 'but'.

Obi-Wan touched the blade of his lightsaber to the bubble and it burst, exploding outward with the force of a man exhaling a long-held breath.

Anakin had thrown up his hands to shelter his face, but the air that rushed past him seemed to go around him rather than trying to knock him down. He wondered at that, but then the sound of someone crying softly drew his attention back to the bubble. Lowering his hands, he stared at very young boy kneeling in midair at about waist height. His small hands were over his face and as he sobbed into them, his whole body shook. The fine, wispy hair that framed the boy's face was auburn.

"Is that… is that you?" Anakin whispered.

Obi-Wan nodded and, after sheathing his lightsaber, went to the child and took him from midair. Cradling him close, he murmured, "Sh, sh. You're safe. Everything's all right."

The child only sobbed harder, now clinging to the man who held him.

Anakin's chest tightened and he had to remind himself that this was just a vision, that the child didn't really exist. Then he thought, Or maybe he does. This is a part of Obi-Wan, and if it is in pain, then he's in pain. Anakin looked at his master's face, and saw lines of sorrow etched there that hadn't been visible only a moment ago. Maybe I shouldn't have suggested we let out this pain.

"Sh, Obi-Wan," the master murmured. If he felt the ridiculousness of speaking of comforting a child that had once been himself, he didn't let it show. "Sh. You're safe now. I promise you are. The Force is all around you and gives you comfort."

The child shook his head and sniffed hard. "Can't feel it."

"I know, but I promise It's there. The Force will always be there for you." Obi-Wan sat down, crossed-legged, and settled the child in his lap. "Please tell me what's wrong." He brushed at an errant tear that had slipped out of the corner of his eye. More would come; his eyes were bright with them. But his voice remained steady. "I'm here to help."

The child lifted his head. The need for comfort burned in his eyes, turning them into tiny, living jewels. "Did Master Ahleh send you?"

"No. The Force did, which is just as good. Just like Master Ahleh serves the Force, so do I. And so do you."

"I want to, but I'm afraid. I had a nightmare that the Jedi were gone and it was dark everywhere. I couldn't see any Jedi anywhere, and I couldn't hear the fountains that Master Ahleh likes to sit beside. I couldn't hear Master Yoda teaching or masters talking." He shuddered strongly and buried his face against Obi-Wan's chest. "The Jedi are going to go away. I just know it. And when they're gone, who will be here with me?" He sobbed again. "I don't want to be alone. When I'm alone, the monster comes."

"What monster?" Anakin asked. He was addressing his words to his master, and he took a step nearer.

The child whimpered and huddled into Obi-Wan's embrace. "Who's that?"

"His name is Anakin. He's a Jedi, like you and like me."

The child relaxed. "Oh." He glanced at Anakin and even managed a little smile and a wave. Then, looking up at Obi-Wan, he said, "The monster's dark and it comes all the time. It tells me I'm not going to be a Jedi when I get older. It told me I'm not supposed to be a Jedi. And it said that if I'm a Jedi, all the other Jedi will die because of me."

Obi-Wan's hand shook as he rubbed the child's hair. "I remember that monster. It had red eyes and was made of black robes and a face hidden by a curtain of hissing eels." He took in a breath and released some of what he felt into the Force. "I haven't thought about it in years."

"You've seen it, too?" The child stared up at him. "What do you do about it?"

"I never did," Obi-Wan murmured. "One day, I just stopped dreaming about it. But it never went away. It's been living, here, with you."

"I want it to go away!" the child wailed. He clutched at Obi-Wan's tunic with white-knuckled fists. "Can you make it go away? Or take me away?"

Obi-Wan stood, bringing the child with him. His face was ashen, but when he spoke, his voice was steady. His escaped tears were drying on his cheeks. "The monster is the Dark Force's power," he said, "a power strong as the Light Force, but only half of what the Force Itself can give." He shifted the child into one arm. "We need to face it, Obi-Wan. It won't go away unless we face it. And once we've faced it, it won't return." He glanced at Anakin. "Padawan mine, come stand with us, please."

"Obi, it's just an imaginary beast. It can't hurt me."

"No, that's true, just as the wind from the bubble's bursting passed around you. I sensed it doing so. But I felt that wind, and I think I could feel the monster if it attacked me. I need your help."

Anakin was ashamed that he'd only been thinking of himself. He moved to stand beside Obi-Wan. He said, "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. When was the last time you dealt with something like this?"

"Never, but neither have you."

Obi-Wan said without heat or sarcasm, "You were around when I was fourteen? I wasn't aware. I've been in this room before, and faced the monsters of my waking mind. I fought Xanatos here, and Telka, and Dooku."

In Obi-Wan's arms, the child shivered. "The master that… touched me."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, him. But he's not here now, Obi-Wan. We have another monster to face. The Force is going to help us face it, and so is Anakin. We can get through this. I promise. Are you ready?"

The child bit his lip, then nodded. "You should get your lightsaber out."

"That won't help us here. Only faith will do that."

"Okay." The young one's eyes shone with nervousness, but also with purpose. "Let's do it."

Obi-Wan called, "Dark beast! Come out! I will face you now."

There was a sound of growling and the harsh rasp of heavy breathing. It seemed to come from all around them. Anakin's hand dipped automatically to the lightsaber at his side.

"Relax, Padawan mine," Obi-Wan said. "Only the Force can help us."

Feeling stupid, Anakin made his fingers relax.

The child turned his face into Obi-Wan's chest. "Please," he whispered, "don't let it-"

The older Jedi said firmly, "Obi-Wan, you must look. If you don't help me face this, it will walk right over us. It might even kill us. But if you face it, we'll be all right. You need courage. The Force will give you that."

The growling increased in volume, and now they could all hear heavy footsteps as well, though they still couldn't see the monster. And there was nowhere it could hide, so Anakin had the feeling the thing was invisible. That made him want to be afraid, made him want to bring out his lightsaber, but he made himself breathe out his terror. Shit, Obi, he thought, even his mental voice shaking, what kind of screwed-up past did you have?

"I can't feel the Force!" the child cried.

"You don't have to," Obi-Wan answered. "This is like that trust exercise we did with Master Yoda when we first came to Temple. Even though you can't see him there, you have to trust he's there."

"But he's solid. Of course he was there!"

"The Force is solid, too. The monster that's coming is Dark Force, remember, and the whole Force is bigger and stronger than that monster." Then, surprising Anakin, "Being touched at such an early age, being less than the ideal Force-sensitive child, being dumped on the Temple's doorstep at the age of three, being told you're less than nothing all your young life, and being abused before you could even talk would give you interesting monsters, too."

Anakin's jaw dropped for the third time. "What are you talking about? You never told me-"

"I don't even know how much Qui-Gon knew. Only Yoda knew everything, and that's because he talked with me the first day I came to Temple and dimmed all those early memories so they wouldn't keep me awake at night." He held up a hand. "It's almost here. And I think it's going to grace us with a view of itself." He breathed in, then out. "Force," he muttered, "be with us."

"We believe in you even if we can't see you," the child whispered.

"Yes, we do," Obi-Wan murmured.

The air was split by a howl, then the creature appeared. Taller than Anakin had been imagining, and yet in no danger of touching the ceiling above, it was swathed in a black robe and its eyes glowed red, just as Obi-Wan had said. The eels that hung in front of its face managed to twist in such a way that those red eyes were easy to see, but the rest of his face was completely hidden. Looking up at him, Anakin fought an urge to laugh. He knew that wouldn't be respectful, considering how afraid Obi-Wan seemed.

Then Obi-Wan startled him by throwing his head back and laughing.

The monster bellowed, and stooped down over them. The child cowered, and turned his face away again.

Obi-Wan laughter died, but he didn't look afraid. "Hey," he whispered, rubbing the child's back. "Look at it again. How big is it?"

"Huge!" the child cried, hiding its face.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Look," he insisted.

Slowly, the child looked up. He shivered. "Huge."

"Compared to us, yes, but which is bigger, the monster or the room?"

"The room."

"The room is the whole entire Force." Obi-Wan chuckled again. "The monster's small compared to this room, isn't it?"

"But the room can't protect us."

"Yes it can. Just ask it." To Anakin, he said, "The monster's my fear of the Jedi disappearing. It looks huge and dangerous, like my fear feels, and by myself I can't do anything to it, but if I remember that the Force is bigger than my fear, and that It will take care of the Darkness on Its own, I can keep everything in perspective." He shook his head. "That's why I laughed. I should have seen this long ago, especially after our talk yesterday."

Before Anakin could think of anything to say, Obi-Wan turned back to the child in his arms. "Ask the Force to make the monster smaller. If you believe, it will work."

The child hesitated, then, looking up at the ceiling, said, "Please, Force, make the monster smaller."

The creature screamed and reached for them. But before its claws could catch them, its arms shrank into its robe.

Obi-Wan laughed again, and the child in his arms smiled. "Force-" he started.

"Thank the Force first," Obi-Wan murmured.

"Oh- oops- sorry. Um, thank you, Force, for hearing us and making the monster's arms smaller. Please make it smaller again."

The monster leapt at them, and the child shrank back against Obi-Wan, though he kept his eyes open and he didn't look away from the monster. Obi-Wan flinched a little, but he stood firm. Anakin's hand had dropped to his lightsaber again, and he even wrapped his fingers around the hilt.

Before he could draw the weapon however, the monster began to shrink. First it's head changed from the size of a small podracer to the size of muja fruit. Then its legs and torso drew inwards until it stood at Obi-Wan's feet roaring up at him in a tiny voice.

"Can we ask the Force to take it away?" the child asked.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No. The Darkness can't be removed from our lives. That wouldn't solve our problems, because the Light would grow so strong it would start feeding the Darkness. But with the Darkness this size, we can ask the Force to help us face it." He set the child down. "Tell the monster what you think of it."

"You're still scary," the child said, and he stayed very close to Obi-Wan, "but the Force is bigger than you." He swallowed and glanced up at Obi-Wan. "So if the Force is bigger, does that mean the Jedi won't go away?"

"No," Obi-Wan answered, and he crouched before the monster. "But our fear- which made the monster so big in the first place- can be given to the Force. The Force knows what's best. If the Force decides the Jedi must fall, it won't be easy. We'll be in pain and we'll be afraid, but the Force will help us through everything. No matter how bad the nightmares get, no matter what happens every time the sun rises, the Force will always be there to catch us and walk beside us."

The child nodded. "I don't want the Jedi to die."

"Neither do I. But the Force's Will must be followed, because It is wiser than we are, and knows what happened before the existence of the Jedi, and what will happen after they're gone. Our job isn't to keep the Jedi alive, but to serve the Force."

"Okay," the child said, and then the dream disappeared.

Anakin came back to the world to the sound of Obi-Wan laughing softly. The padawan looked at his master, and saw that Obi-Wan was crying as well as laughing. He reached out and laid a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

Obi-Wan reached up and squeezed Anakin's hand. "I'm all right. I'm still afraid for the Jedi, but I never realized how huge that fear had grown." He snickered. "Or how ridiculous it looked in the light of my trust in the Force, and in the light of this truth: the Force's Purpose is to bring balance. It doesn't want either Darkness or Light to die."

"So you think the Jedi will still exist?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, but I'm sure that whatever happens to those of us that are living now, the Force will see to it that some form of the Jedi live on, whatever that form might be." He sat up and glanced at Anakin. "I know we're basically back where we started, but I feel better. I don't want anyone to die, but…" He shrugged. "The Force won't let me dwell anymore on deaths that might never happen." He was silent for a moment, then said softly, "Qui-Gon was right all along, just not in the way he meant it. I need to stop worrying about a future I can't possibly anticipate. All I can do is my best in this moment." He glanced at Anakin. "What a pair we are. You worry about the past while I worry about the future. Somehow, we've both got to start thinking about the present."

And that, as far as Obi-Wan was concerned, was that. He got up and headed into the hall, calling over his shoulder, "By the way, we slept till almost noon. We'd better get going."

Anakin sat completely still for a moment, thinking about the boxes he'd kept hidden from Obi-Wan, but also of one box they hadn't gone through yesterday, but which was gone from his mind nonetheless. It had disappeared when the monster began to shrink.

In the box had been this worry: I killed the Tusken Raiders in a fit of rage. What kind of monster am I going to be if I can't anticipate my emotions so that I can deal with them before they get too strong?

And the lesson he'd learned was this: the monster he might become wasn't the person he was now. He could still work at setting his emotions aside, and even though that would probably prove more challenging than he knew, he'd realized that what had occupied most of the space in that box had been his fear of what he would become. He'd given space to something that might or might not happen. And unlike the destruction of the Jedi, he had a much better chance of changing his future because it was his future, not the future of hundreds of people.

"Anakin, are you going to leave me to make lunch all by myself?" Obi-Wan called from the kitchen.

Anakin got up. "Coming!" But then his eyes strayed to the bed the two of them had shared for more than twelve hours. He whispered, "And so if I can choose my future, maybe I can find a way to let go of my weaknesses on my own, then tell him how I feel."

oOo

The three Jedi sat across the desk from Palpatine. The chancellor had asked for them only an hour past noon, and though Obi-Wan and Anakin had still been eating at that time, they had left their plates half-full when Yoda asked them to join him in the rotunda's largest office. Once the two had been told who wished to speak with them as well as with Yoda, they lost any appetite they might have had left. Anakin didn't yet feel Obi-Wan's reticence towards Palpatine, but he respected his master's feelings and wanted to look for something to support them. Then they could be taken to Yoda.

Palpatine addressed Obi-Wan. "Do you wish to stay in the Senate?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan answered at once. "There is still much that can be accomplished. There is still a chance for a peaceful end to this war before it gets fairly started."

Palpatine said, "And yet, since you were attacked, ten more star systems have considered leaving the Republic, and four more have already done so. I believe your skills are needed in the field."

Obi-Wan was silent, unsure how to respond. He wished Yoda would say something. He belonged in the Senate, he was sure. Or so his heart told him. But he'd been wrong before.

Palpatine continued: "Maybe Anakin could remain here, take over where you have left off. After all, if he has been trained by you, I'm sure he's an excellent diplomat."

Anakin felt uncomfortable again, as he had when he'd come to talk to the chancellor alone. He reached out through the Force and felt Obi-Wan's calm. He made himself release his anxiety.

"I'm sorry, Chancellor, but that isn't possible. I need Anakin with me."

Palpatine raised an eyebrow in silent disappointment. "In such a time of strained resources, young Master Kenobi, do you think it's wise or proper for you to put your own needs above those of the Republic? Or do you believe Anakin could not handle this assignment?"

Obi-Wan glanced at Yoda. Help me, he thought. I know a little of how to deal with him, but what can I say to something like that?

He'd kept his thoughts in his own mind, however, and Yoda only gazed back at him. Though the older master seemed to know what Obi-Wan needed, he also seemed confident that Obi-Wan could help himself.

Seeing this, Obi-Wan collected his thoughts, reminding himself that speaking to Palpatine was just like speaking to anyone else. No matter the deference rendered to the chancellor by other Senators, he was still only another living being. Even as Obi-Wan reminded himself of this, unease roiled in his belly. He longed to retreat into half meditation for a breath or two, but he saw that this was impossible. Force, help me to remember that he's only a person. He said, "It would be wrong for my padawan not to be out in the field. His skills are needed more there than here."

"Very well, though I think you are abandoning a chance to keep your excellent work going here."

Anakin knew he shouldn't speak, but he felt the needs of the Republic very much on his shoulders. And maybe this is my first step as the Chosen One, he thought. "I could go out in the field alone, Master."

Obi-Wan answered in the padawan's mind, Or with Reeft.

Anakin accepted that, even though he was disappointed. Mostly he was just relieved that Obi-Wan hadn't chastened him for speaking out when he shouldn't have.

Obi-Wan said, "Master Yoda, perhaps we should consider this before we act."

The chancellor said sternly, "The time for meditation is over, young Master Kenobi. We need action. Every day we gain more enemies."

Yoda said, "Ryn-yn Obi-Wan's place in the Senate will take. To these seceding planets Obi-Wan and Anakin will go."

Palpatine nodded. "As you wish, Master Yoda. You know your Jedi, of course."

The three Jedi left the chancellor's office. Obi-Wan scarcely breathed until they were outside. He was reminded that he needed to speak to Yoda about his dream. But when they exited the Senate, Yoda began to speak. He was riding on his floating chair so that he traveled along on Obi-Wan's right while Anakin walked on his master's other side.

"Wished to put a Council member in the Senate I did not, but no choice we have."

Obi-Wan blinked. "When did Master Ryn-yn become a member of the Council?"

"When left Master Zee did, though time it took to make a decision as to one to replace him. And still filled the other empty place has not been. But talk about that later we will. Answer a question you will, Obi-Wan. Sense what do you about Palpatine that leave him near Anakin you do not wish to?"

Obi-Wan hesitated. He didn't know how to answer. "It's nothing definite, only that he-"

"Withholding information you are. Trust your feelings, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan swallowed. "I don't feel comfortable around him. There isn't a feeling about him in the Force, either Dark or Light, but I can't shake the feeling that he's dangerous and that when he's behind closed doors he laughs at all of us and plans for the downfall of the Republic and the Jedi."

"He'd have to be a Sith to do that," Anakin said. He sent, trying to reassure his master, He's just a politician, Obi.

"I don't trust him," Obi-Wan maintained. "I just don't. Can't. He feels…"

Yoda said softly, "Speak the word which came into your mind."

Obi-Wan hesitated, but now he'd been caught in his trepidation. He had to say the word that had flitted through his mind. More than flitted. I've thought it before, and more than a few times. "Evil. And like…" His eyes went to the bridge they would need to cross. "Master, do we have time?"

"Hmmmph. Make the time we will. Stop stalling."

How many times has the Force said the same thing? Obi-Wan braced himself. Once the words were out, words he was sure he hadn't fully worked out in his own heart and mind, he wouldn't be able to take them back. At least they would lead to his concerns for his daughter, and the feelings he'd had about her back on Ragoon 6, the feelings that might have been living in him all this time, purposely ignored. "He feels like Annie. My daughter. I had this feeling about her on Ragoon, then again on Dagobah during a vision and before that, when Adee had been trying to use her as a way to get to me." When he said that, he realized it was true, but that he hadn't acknowledged it until now. "Both Annie and Palpatine feel evil. I don't like or trust that word, but anything weaker isn't enough. I don't want to judge anyone."

"Why?" Yoda demanded. "Because unfairly judged you were?"

Obi-Wan blinked. He'd thought he was used to Yoda's perceptiveness by now. "Yes," he admitted.

"To discern all Jedi must learn, and some are quicker to accept their gift than others. Accept that have a gift for discernment you do."

"But, Master, I never had it. It was Qui-Gon who always had that gift."

Yoda waved a negligent hand. "Develop new gifts every day we do. Accept this gift you must."

Obi-Wan thought, unconsciously letting Anakin share in the notion, It's like being back on Dagobah and being told I have to say I'm a great Jedi.

"Hmmmph. A great Jedi you are."

Obi-Wan blushed. All right. "I have a new gift of discernment."

Yoda nodded. "Perhaps make you mediate on that I should."

Obi-Wan smiled. "Forgive me, Master, but you and the Force think the same."

"Good to hear that is, and flattering." Yoda frowned. "Tell Ryn-yn of your concerns I will, and watch Palpatine closely he will. Also, watched Annie must be." He raised an eyebrow at Obi-Wan, who had opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated once again. "Have something else to add do you?"

Obi-Wan told about the vision he'd seen on Dagobah and the one the Force had sent him. "Annie is in danger," he finished. "She needs someone to take care of her and make sure that she stays away from the Dark Side."

"Speak with her I will," Yoda said.

Obi-Wan's heart lifted. "Thank you. I know you'll be able to help her."

"Only help her can I if wished to be helped she does." He touched Obi-Wan's shoulder. "But try I will, and ask that her teachers watch her carefully I will. Help we will give her."

oOo

In the late afternoon shadows, Anakin and Obi-Wan crossed the platform towards the ship they would take on the first of many missions conducted in the name of ending the war with as few casualties as possible. They took no clones with them, despite Palpatine's suggestion that each Jedi should take a small battalion 'for protection'. Yoda hadn't passed this command on to the rest of the Jedi, though Obi-Wan and Anakin had been present when the chancellor contacted Yoda with his advice.

The two Jedi had said good-bye to those they needed to, including Obi-Wan speaking a word of apology to Bant for the meeting with her and Reeft he hadn't been able to attend. Her answer: "I didn't expect you to be there once you were shot. Honestly, Obi-Wan." But she'd been smiling. "And you seem better now, spiritually as well as physically."

"Yes," he'd admitted, "but what about you and Reeft?"

She'd smiled. "We met anyway- by your bedside- and meditated together on not only the Force, but on the loss of the others. It would have been peaceful if we hadn't been so worried about you. So just do us a favor and try not to get hurt again, all right?"

Obi-Wan smiled as he remembered their hurried conversation. He was standing a little away from the ship, called there by a sense that he had one more person to say good-bye to. Anakin had taken both of their packs and was running the systems check before they took off.

The clicking of a stick on the duracrete drew Obi-Wan's attention back to the Temple, and he watched Yoda crossing the platform. He came partway himself, then bowed to the master.

"Surprised to see me you are not."

"The Force told me to wait."

Yoda nodded. "Listening well to the Force you are." He leaned on his gimmer stick. "When believe do you that ready for his Trials Anakin will be?"

"I'd say within a few months. Maybe sooner. Probably by the time we complete our third or fourth mission. He's done some quick growing up in the past few months."

"Evident that is in the way he walks and talks. And evident it is also that grown he has in the last week."

Obi-Wan nodded, thinking of all he and Anakin had talked about, and, yet, all they hadn't talked about. He knew that last was part of the reason he wanted to give Anakin more time before his Trials. He didn't want his padawan to still be hiding so much when he faced his Trials. That was almost a guaranteed failure.

Yoda said, his voice quieter, "Changing the role of the Jedi is. Learn how to become generals we must and lead troops into battle."

Obi-Wan nodded, and was relieved when his old fears didn't fly up around him. Talking to the child in his mind really had helped. Thank you, Force. "What Anakin and I are doing will only make the flood a little less."

Yoda hmmphed softly. "True that is, but lessened we need the flood to be if win this war we are going to. And faith I have in you, Obi-Wan. Help greatly you and your padawan will."

"Thank you, Master."

"May the Force be with you."

"And with you." Obi-Wan watched Yoda start back towards the Temple, then he headed towards the ship. Entering, he saw that Anakin was making the last checks. Obi-Wan slipped into the seat beside his padawan. "Are we ready?"

Anakin nodded. "We have clearance."

"Then take us out of here if you would."

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan. "What did Master Yoda say?"

"Not much. Only that we must be prepared to function as generals in a time of war. That doesn't apply to you and me just yet, since we're on a mission of peace, but it would be good for both of us to learn how to command troops. I know something about it, but I've never done more than study the techniques a little. We'll both need some practice when we return."

Anakin activated the engines and the ship began to rise. "War's ugly," he said. "It's turning us from peacemakers into fighters." He shook his head. "I always loved flying and lightsaber training best, but never for attacking anyone."

"That's the first ugliness of war. Peacemakers becoming fighters." He gestured towards the sky above them. "But for now, we have another mission to concern ourselves with. When we return to Temple, we'll learn more about this war and our place in it. For the time being, we are still diplomats."

oOo

Yoda sat on one cushion and Annie sat across from him on another. "Wish to speak with you I do," Yoda said. "Understand I do that your parentage troubles you?"

She shook her head. "No, Master. I know that Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are my parents, and I don't mind."

"Obi-Wan your 'mother' is, but only in name is Qui-Gon your father. Perhaps thought to spare you from that truth Master Obi-Wan did, but now that old enough you are, time it is that knew the truth you did."

"But Jedi aren't supposed to lie!" Her eyes were wide.

Yoda blinked benignly at her, feeling a little surprise at her reaction. "Perfect no Jedi is. Make mistakes we all do. But difficulty this lie has caused, yes." He made sure she was looking at him. "Understand you must. Raped Obi-Wan was." He wondered if he would have to explain what 'rape' was, but she nodded.

"By Adee. He told me."

When taken from Temple you were. Yoda shook his head. "Not by Adee. By one you have never met. His name was ber'Nac. Padawans he and Obi-Wan were when happened this did. Born on Ragoon 6 you were."

"Anakin told me about that."

"Good. Know you must that wanted you to be Qui-Gon's child Obi-Wan did, because very much in love they were. But even though ber'Nac's child you are, cared for you always Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon have. Your parentage bothered them did not."

She was silent for a while, then she said, "Who was ber'Nac? What was he like?"

Yoda considered that question. "Once a dedicated padawan he was, but, corrupted by his interest in the Dark Force, he moved away from the Jedi. Tried to bring him back we did, but left the Temple he did."

"Are you sure I'm his? Maybe Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had sex around that time, too."

"No. Made love they did not. Little time they had, and to follow the Force was their first duty."

Again, she was silent for a time. At last, she said, "ber'Nac raped him?"

"Yes."

"Why don't I look like ber'Nac? Now I know why I don't look like Qui-Gon- I've seen pictures of him- but why don't I look like ber'Nac?"

"Answer that I cannot," Yoda answered, "except to say that many times children look like one or the other of their parents do not. More common among some races that is than others. But know you must that parentage at Temple doesn't matter. Dedicated to serving the galaxy we are, and so matters our parentage does not. Children of the Force we all are."

She nodded. "I know, Master. But I can't help it that I have questions about my parents. What was Qui-Gon like?"

Yoda was quiet for a time. She was missing the point. How could he help her? "If know about him you wish to, search the archives you should. There find you will all the information you wish. Talented he was, and dedicated to the Force he was."

"Can I ever get Obi-Wan to talk to me?"

"Choose to speak with you or not to speak Master Obi-Wan's choice that is. But if speak to you he will not, know that wishing to keep a distance between the two of you he is. His wish it was for you to become an Initiate, but knew he did that raise you himself he could not, and that if too close to you he became, a challenge to you it would become."

"That's what he said." She looked down at her hands. "Master Yoda, if I can't ever know anything about them except through the archives, then I don't need to know. It's just… I thought it would be nice to have parents." She blushed. "Please don't be angry with me."

"Angry with you I am not. A time there is in every Jedi's life when seeks he or she does the answers to where he or she came from. Perhaps further research you will choose to do, but ask I do that you remember that the Force your parent is now, and that your brothers and sisters the rest of the Jedi are."

"Yes, Master." Annie rose and bowed. "Forgive me, Master, but I have work to do for my classes."

Yoda said, "Go you may. Perhaps speak again in a while we will."

She escaped.

When he was alone, Yoda called the Force around him. Wrapping it close like a cloak and drinking it like a thirsty man desperate for water, Yoda thought, Guarded she is. A threat in itself that is not, but who taught her how to shield her mind so completely? He knew he would be paying a visit to her teachers, and that he would be checking up on her more often. Perhaps more affected by seeing death she was than first I believed. And, of course, he did not forget Obi-Wan's words about her, or those that the Dark Force had sent to the younger Jedi master.

Seek the Force in this at all times I will, he resolved. He rose and started towards the door. He would speak to her teachers at once.

oOo

Annie's hands were shaking. Knowing that Crista wouldn't return for another three or four hours, she locked the door to their shared quarters and sank onto the bed. Now it was more than her hands that were shaking. She closed her eyes and whispered, "It's over. It's over. He didn't hear my thoughts. If he had, he would have said something. I'm safe. I'm safe."

Fear had driven her to keep her shields up, even though she knew Yoda could easily have demolished them. So the Voice had told her. It had come to her twice since Adee's death, telling her that she had done well, and that it wasn't her fault Obi-Wan had lived. In time, it told her, you may have a chance to do what Adee and so many others could not. He is the last roadblock between what exists now and what we all want: happiness and fulfillment.

She hadn't been ready to hear those words, or to accept that she might have to kill Obi-Wan, but in the last few months, she had experienced several betrayals, and though they weren't directly caused by Obi-Wan, if he was the true pin in the whole Jedi operation, she wanted him gone only so that those who had hurt her would pay.

The Jedi Order, with all its rules and bigotry, stood in her way of happiness. That being true, and if Obi-Wan was the roadblock, then he must be the center of the Jedi Order. (With a child's mind she was sure of this and didn't think to test it until much time had passed.) If he was dead, the Jedi Order would fall. And when the Jedi fell, those who had hurt her would pay.

There were several of these, but a particular master needed to die. He'd gotten in her way twice now as she went exploring, and though he hadn't reprimanded her, he had effectively stopped her.

"Ryn-yn Yil," she whispered, and her small hands balled themselves into tight fists. She breathed in, then out, letting go of the edge of her anger, just in case someone walked in and saw her. She retained the core of her rage for herself, hiding it away from all that would take a glance at the surface of her mind.

When she was only four, she'd become separated from her class during a walk through the Garden of Light. She had stopped for just a moment to look at a flower, and when she looked up, they'd been gone. She'd searched everywhere, but hadn't found them, and no matter how she called, they didn't return. And no one came to look for her.

Two hours later, she was sitting on a bench, swinging her legs and refusing to cry. Then she'd heard footsteps, and she looked up. A master was walking down the path. She'd waited to see if he would turn and notice her, but when he didn't, she called, "I need help."

He'd come to her, and though he crouched down before her and spoken gently, she'd felt in him that he was distracted. He couldn't seem to stop staring at her, even while his voice was gentle and kind. Then he'd taken her back to her room. She'd been disciplined for not returning, and no matter how she protested, it was determined that she could have returned to the class if she'd tried hard enough.

That was her first meeting with Ryn-yn Yil. The second was like it. While being introduced to the library, she saw a statue she wanted. It was high up, and she used the Force to bring it down. While she was staring at it, the rest of her class had moved on. This time, she stayed where she was, thinking they would come back, that they would be worried. At least her classmates would notice she was missing, right? Again, no one had come for her.

And then Ryn-yn appeared again. He took the statue from her, demanded to know where she was supposed to be (all the while staring at her like he'd never seen her before) then escorted her back to her class, all the while lecturing her endlessly.

She might have been content to forget these two experiences, but he seemed to always show up when she was in trouble, whether of her own making or someone else's. He'd found her in the Restricted Archives once (she'd been looking for the answer to a dream and so had broken in, knowing that none of her teachers would be able to explain) and he'd seen to it that she was made to do six katas. She'd been so tired afterwards that she'd fallen asleep in her next class and been punished again.

Why was he always there to yell at her? She wasn't quite sure, but she'd come to believe it wasn't an accident. Obviously he had something against her. So Ryn-yn had to go, if only so she could have a touch of freedom. It wasn't right that she had to always be looking over her shoulder.

Another nuisance, who had been even more annoying as of late, was a padawan named Nela. She spent much time in the younglings' room, and when Annie had at last left the younglings (3-8) room, graduated a little early because of her accomplished 'saber and Force skills, Nela had moved to the same room. It was as if she, too, had been given a directive to watch Annie, and she wouldn't let it drop for a minute. Whenever Annie was thinking about trying something new and exciting, Nela was always there. And the one time Annie was sure she'd eluded her guard, both Nela and Ryn-yn had popped up just as she was about to go explore her father's quarters (Obi-Wan's, not Qui-Gon's; for a reason she couldn't understand, she'd always felt more drawn to Obi-Wan).

"Well, now I know why," she muttered. "It's because Obi-Wan is my parent and Qui-Gon isn't. Somehow, I just knew that."

She flopped back onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling. It would be right if I had no reason to get back at them all, but Ryn-yn and Nela are just 'products of their environment'. She'd learned that phrase while reading about centuries-old societies for her Galactic History (1) class. All the Jedi are corrupt. Maybe not the younger ones, who haven't had a chance to be brainwashed yet, but all the older ones. She wondered what she could do to save the younger ones. Well, whatever I do, I have to do it quickly, before they start believing the lies everyone keeps telling us.

oOo

They were an hour from Feltho III, a planet divided; the government wanted to leave the Republic, but the people were insisting that the planet remain. A coup seemed imminent.

"We'll present ourselves to the government first," Obi-Wan said, "then we must convince the people to talk to us. If we can convince both sides we're there to prevent war and not force any issues-"

"While using the Force as much as possible," Anakin said.

"Ha. Very funny, Padawan mine. Once they're convinced-"

"Obi?"

"You wish to interrupt my plans?"

"Just for a minute." Anakin raised an eyebrow at his master. "May I?"

Obi-Wan shrugged, smiled. "Why not?"

"I think you should go to the people, and I'll go to the government. We'll accomplish two things at once. Besides, if I'm going to be a Jedi in a few years-"

"Or months," Obi-Wan murmured.

Anakin grinned. "Or months, don't you think I should get some experience as a diplomat? Watching you work your magic in the Senate was fun and all, but I think I need a chance to test some of the things I've learned from you."

Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to lift an eyebrow. "Do you think you're ready?"

Anakin didn't hesitate. "Yes. And I'll keep our bond open at all times so you can help me if I get stuck." He turned away from the controls and faced Obi-Wan seriously. "I know this is going to be a challenge, but I really think I can do this, Master." Then he waited.

This new patience was what convinced Obi-Wan. "All right. You know most of the situation, but-" He stopped. "You have that look on your face again, Padawan mine."

"What look?"

"You want to ask me something."

Anakin blushed. He'd thought he was getting better about hiding his thoughts, or at least from keeping them out of his expression. But hesitation and denial wouldn't get him anywhere. "Do you really think I'm ready for the Trials?"

"You were eavesdropping." Obi-Wan shook his head.

Obi-Wan didn't sound annoyed; Anakin risked a small smile. "Yes, Master." He waited for Obi-Wan to speak, but when his master didn't, the padawan asked, "So, do you think I'm ready?"

Obi-Wan frowned. "Maybe if you stopped spying a little I could keep secrets from you. After all, I didn't want you worrying about the Trials just yet, but for them to be a natural outgrowth of-"

"Obi?"

"What? Anakin, I'm not used to having my speeches interrupted."

"Yes, you are. We've known each other for eight years."

Obi-Wan uttered a long-suffering sigh, but his eyes were dancing. "Yes, you could be ready soon. Your skills can't be denied. And now that you've taken steps towards true healing and peace, anything is possible." He raised a cautioning finger. "Not that healing and the pursuit of peace will end when you become a Knight. The quest for true serenity never ends."

Anakin grinned. "Are you ever going to get tired of telling me that?"

"As I've said before, not before you get tired of hearing it."

Anakin met Obi-Wan's gaze. "Keep telling me," he said quietly. "I need the reminder." He paused, then tried to voice a question that had been bothering him since he'd returned from his assignment to protect Padme. But all he could manage at first was: "Obi?"

"Yes?"

Anakin swallowed, found his voice. Afraid that he would blush, he turned his eyes to the instruments before him. "When I become a Knight, will we still be allowed to work together?"

Obi-Wan was silent for so long that Anakin gave into his curiosity and glanced at his master. To his relief, the corners of Obi-Wan's mouth were tilted up in a small smile. "No one can see the future, but if there is a way we can work together and still pursue the will of the Force, yes."

"Don't sound so thrilled about it."

He'd meant it as a joke, but Obi-Wan hadn't heard that obviously. He turned and grasped Anakin's shoulders. All humor was gone from his face. "Sometimes, because I'm trying to say the right thing and guide you in the right direction, things don't come out the way I want them."

He met Anakin's gaze, and the padawan had reason to be glad of his looseness of his trousers.

Obi-Wan said, "I want nothing more than to continue working with you. As a padawan or knight, I hope you'll always be my partner."

Touched, Anakin bowed his head slightly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to accuse you." He reached up, touched Obi-Wan' hand on his shoulder, enjoyed the little thrill this gave him, then forced himself to look away. "We're almost out of hyperspace. Wasn't it you who taught me that a mission starts even before it really starts?"

Obi-Wan nodded and pulled away. For a moment, his gaze stayed on Anakin, then he turned his eyes to his own instruments. "I'm sure you've read up on Feltho III, but let me give you a few things that aren't in the Archives."

Wanting to tease, needing Obi-Wan to smile, Anakin asked lightly, "Then how do you know them, oh wise master mine?"

"Qui-Gon and I visited this world when I was eighteen." And though the words were seriously meant, Obi-Wan couldn't quite hide a smile. The trace of tension between them passed, and was forgotten, in a very short time, by both.