The wait was almost over; tomorrow is my first step to finding out who the father of my unborn child is. A part of me hopes that the test comes out negative; I love Jeff with all my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that he would make a terrific father. Unfortunately that would just complicate everything, however if Adam is the father, I would see no reason why I shouldn't marry him and have the family I always wanted. Even though it would hurt Jeff in the process...
Today was Gary's funeral, my mom was really happy with the turnout. There were so many people who loved and cherished her late husband. She really does miss him, I hear her cry herself to sleep some nights, and is cheerful the next day. Deep down inside, I know she still loves my father. She seems to think if she moves on with anyone, it will be disrespectful, and she would feel awful. I keep reassuring her that Gary would want her to move on; he would want her to be happy. Within time I know she will see things my way. I know in my heart that before I die, I will see my parents back together again!
After the service Mom and I stood outside saying goodbye to family and friends. Mom was trying so hard not to break down with everyone hugging her and telling her everything will be okay.
An older lady with a walker reached over and gave me a hug. "I am terribly sorry of the passing of your father, such a tragedy. My thoughts are with you and your mother. Goodbye sweetheart." Before I could correct her, she started walking away.
Another lady behind her said the same thing. Why were they calling Gary my father? Didn't they know that I'm not his daughter?
Mom introduced me to Gary's brother Steve and his sister Carrie. "We really wish we would have visited him more, and gotten to know you girls better. We are sorry we couldn't make it to the wedding. He loved you very much, Tracey. We are so sorry for your loss. He was a great husband and father, and an amazing brother. We will miss him so much." Carrie said, tears streaming down her cheeks, kissing us on the cheek. We said our goodbyes and they went on their way.
Once everyone was gone, mom and I headed home. Mom made a pot of tea and I made us some sandwiches for dinner. We ate in silence, until I decided to speak.
"Mom, I have a question that has been bugging me all day." I said, taking a bite of my sandwich.
"Yes dear, what is it?"
"Why was everyone calling Gary my father?"
She sipped on her tea, "Well, because he was like a father to you."She said, looking away with a guilty look on her face.
I shook my head. "I'm not buying it, there is something more that you're not telling me."
She didn't answer me, and wouldn't make eye contact. We finished up dinner, and did the dishes in silence. Then I decided to continue our conversation. "Vince is my father, right?"
She sighed and gestured for me to sit down. "You are obviously not going to let this go, are you?"
"No, I can't"
She took a deep breath. "Sweetie, when I found out I was pregnant, well as you know I was going to have an abortion. That's what I had Vince think as well. However I never told you the whole story."
I stopped her. "I won't get mad, I promise. You can tell me."
She smiled. "You see Vanessa, before I was with your father, I was with Gary. We met a long time ago, back then I worked at the popular bar in town. I saw your father a lot; wrestlers would come to the bar after their show to unwind. With them being away from their families a lot, they tend to find women to satisfy their needs." She paused. "I know you don't want to hear this, considering you are in love with one, possibly 2. But anyways, I was still with Gary when your father and I got together."
"You cheated on Gary?" I asked in shock.
She stared at the table, "Yes, I did. Your father was a powerful man, he still is. It was very hard to resist him. I never told Gary, I was too ashamed. Until I found out I was pregnant, he was so excited." She sniffled. "I had to break his heart and tell him that he wasn't the father. After I told him what happened, he left me right then and there. I can't say I blamed him, I betrayed him."
"So, why does everyone else think I'm his daughter?" I asked in confusion.
"When he left, he didn't tell his family about me being pregnant. He assumed I was getting an abortion, he just couldn't handle the thought of me being with another man."
I looked at her; she could see that I was still confused.
She sighed. "When we found each other again, he agreed to give me another chance. He saw that I had changed, and saw that I didn't have an abortion. Gary didn't want his family to hate me and give me a hard time. So, he told his family and friends that you were his daughter. He explained to them that he was too busy with his career, that he didn't have time to be a dad at the time." She cleared her throat. "It was awful of me to not tell them the truth, to let him lie to his loved ones for me."
I put my hand on hers. "That's how much he loved you, mom! He saw the good in you, and he wanted his family to as well. If they knew the truth, even now they would give you such a hard time and make you feel guilty. He was happy, you made him happy and that is all that matters."
"I still feel like I'm living a lie. A part of me wants to tell them all the truth. But another part of me wants to honour his wishes, honour his memory."
I'm so proud that my mom trusted me enough to tell me the truth about her past. The more I think about it, the more I'm like her. She was in love with Gary; I'm in love with Adam. She had an affair with Vince; I had an affair with Jeff. I just hope my life doesn't get as complicated and heartbreaking as hers was. I don't want to lose either of them.
After hugging her and thanking her for telling me everything, we went to bed. All this news was so overwhelming, and tomorrow I will be one step closer to finding out my own truth.
I woke up to the smell of pancakes, bacon and eggs. One thing's for sure, my mother sure loves to cook. As soon as she saw me, she got me a plate ready.
We enjoyed our breakfast in silence. She seemed so much happier since she told me the truth, like a part of her could finally move on, no more secrets.
She coughed, deciding to break the silence. "I was so busy talking last night, you never did tell me about your pregnancy situation."
"Don't worry about it, mom. I'll update you when I get everything figured out."
"Who's the father?"
"I don't know yet." I spoke softly.
I looked at my watch, 2 more hours until my appointment. Thanking her for everything, I hugged and kissed her goodbye and made my way to the hospital. Before leaving my mother's house, I sent a text to Jeff to remind him. He didn't answer me, so I was hoping he didn't forget.
Waiting patiently in the waiting room, I saw a couple holding hands. The looks on their faces told me they were waiting for bad news. Just as I'd predicted, the doctor came out and told them the 2 words you never want to hear. "I'm sorry." The woman fell into the man's arms crying. It was very heartbreaking to watch. I had tears of my own, fighting to fall down my face. I was startled with a hand on my shoulder.
Looking up to see who the hand belonged too, I smiled. "It's about time you showed up."
He laughed. "Blame the Sunday drivers out there."
"Well its Monday, so that's close enough."
We both smiled, trying to make the best of our situation. The heartbroken couple decided to leave; I gave them a sympathetic look. They nodded, before they exited through the hospital doors without their loved one.
"What's wrong?" Jeff asked, with concern in his handsome features.
"Nothing, I'm just nervous and scared. I want to get this over with."
"I know," He said, rubbing my arm. "Me too."
We waited for a few more minutes, the doctor finally arrived and gestured for us to follow him down the long hallway. Jeff held my hand as the specialist did the test. My mind wandered the whole time, of different possibilities. I really didn't know what I wanted anymore, who I wanted to father my child. I just wanted to stop worrying; I wanted to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery. Most importantly, I wanted my child to survive.