Valkyria Chronicles: Flashpoint

by DC20

After months of combat, Squad 7 is deployed to secure the area surrounding the Marberry beachhead. Suffering heavy losses, the veterans of the unit begin to feel the strain of battle and wonder if any of them will be left alive to see the war's end.

36. 3 Libras

Respite 1: 3 Libras

The wounds hadn't hurt in five days. It had been a bitch waiting for her blood pressure to rise high enough to take even half a shot of Ragnaid, and even then it still hurt like Hell, but as soon as she'd been pulled off the front the doctors had made sure Ramona stayed as comfortable as possible. They'd done a good job of it so far. It had been nearly a week and she hadn't felt so much as a sting. In fact, she hadn't felt much of anything at all. She wasn't sure whether or not that meant her wounds were actually starting to heal or that she was on enough drugs to kill a large dog, but at least it didn't hurt anymore. All in all it wasn't a bad deal. The drugs were even legal this time.

Sitting on the examination table Ramona wasn't sure whether the hands unwrapping the bandages around her face belonged to a doctor or a nurse. Usually the job was done by a nurse, and it had been done in her hospital bed in the main ward, but this time the nurse had helped her out of bed and into what she assumed was one of the examination rooms. It was at least comforting to know that something was changing, but the nurse had left her there as soon as she'd sat her down. Still blind, the isolated room was terrifyingly quiet. Out in the ward there had always been voices. She'd heard that the hospitals weren't places anyone would ever want to go, and she'd known a number of people who'd gone to one and hadn't come back the same, but so far the hospital itself hadn't been too awful. Sure, she hadn't been able to see for almost an entire week, but at least Cherry and Audrey had been in the beds surrounding her. They'd always had something to talk about.

As the last piece of cloth fell away from her face she was immediately forced to shut her eyes. Ramona almost found it funny that after finally being able to see again after a week of being blind she liked the dark better. The dark didn't burn. Shielding her eyes with her hand, she tried to block out as much of the light as possible. When her hand brushed up against the skin on her forehead it felt tighter than she'd remembered it. She would have looked around for a mirror, but that would have required opening her eyes again. That just wasn't going to happen. "I assume by your reaction that you're seeing again," a voice said.

Still shielding her eyes Ramona didn't bother looking up towards where the voice had come from. It had been a man's voice. That meant a doctor, which also meant that she might be healing. She'd been hoping before that healing would have been less painful than it had suddenly turned out to be. "It's really bright," she said.

Ramona heard a quiet grunt before more footsteps and the clinking and jingling of whatever tools the man had been carrying with him. "You've been blind for five days. Your eyes are going to be a bit sensitive for a while. I'd suggest staying out of the sun and finding someplace that's not too bright to stay at until they readjust."

The sun. She hadn't even thought about how bright it would be outside. Probably a lot brighter than the examination room she was currently sitting in. That was bad enough as it was. The idea of staying out of the sun did bring some hope with it though. "You mean I can go home?" It wasn't until after she'd said it that she realized by 'home' she'd meant the military base. Somehow she didn't feel one way or the other about it.

"Yeah, you're free to go so long as you can walk out on your own power. We're technically supposed to hold you until we run some more tests, but quite honestly we need the bed space."

"So we can just leave?"

"As long as you can make it out the door," the doctor said. Clearing his throat, she could hear him flipping through a stack of papers. "Feel free to tell your friends."

Ramona nearly chuckled. For a doctor the man was decent enough to joke around. Maybe it helped him get through the day. Either way, she was grateful for it. A little humor before he finally cleared her to go couldn't hurt. She was a bit nervous about whatever tests he'd been talking about though. Cherry and Audrey were great company, but she didn't want to spend the rest of her time off of the front lines in a hospital bed. If the doctor wasn't convinced she was fully healed and set to go he'd surely keep her there for another few days, and with everything that had happened recently she didn't think she'd last that long. "You know, I can't check you out until you open your eyes," the doctor's voice came again.

"Yeah," Ramona replied groaning. "Give me just a second." Working up her nerve, the woman took a deep breath. After letting it out she slowly began to open her eyes. There was only a sliver of light that came through the small slit her eyelids made, but it was enough to tell her that opening them all the way wasn't going to be something she was going to enjoy. Testing the waters wasn't going to work this time around. Growling, she decided that the only way she'd ever get her eyes to actually open was to jump in. It was going to be all or nothing, and nothing wasn't going to get her 'home'. Before she could convince herself it was a terrible idea she gritted her teeth and forced her lids open.

Even before she could feel the pain Ramona found herself looking at a blurry fuzz of brightness. She couldn't make much out besides the figure of the doctor standing in front of her and the basic shapes of a chair and a counter. Everything else was a blur, and suddenly the blur was becoming painful. Blinking rapidly she had to fight to keep her eyes from closing again. They didn't seem to want to stay open, and she didn't blame them. If she'd had a choice she'd have let them stay shut. She didn't. "Can you still see?" the doctor asked.

Ramona had to admit that 'seeing' was a bit of a stretch. Technically she could see, but anything beyond the basic definition of the word was probably a lost cause for the time being. Looking around the room she tried to make out any details she could. Changing focus just gave her a headache on top of the sting the light already brought with it, so she kept her attention on one thing. The doctor's stethoscope would do just as well as anything else. After a few moments of staring the object became a bit clearer. "It's really bright," she said again.

"You'll get used to it." Standing up the doctor walked over to the far wall of the room. Although everything was still a bit fuzzy the area around Ramona was starting to come into focus. Little by little the lines became more solid. It still hurt to try to distinguish one outline from another. "Alright," the doctor said as he pointed up towards a white square on the wall. "Can you read the first line for me?"

Squinting slightly, Ramona tried to figure out what he was talking about. It took a minute for her to realize there was some sort of writing on whatever he was pointing at. Probably some sort of chart. Concentrating on it, she worked to get the letters into focus. "E."

"Good. Next line."

"Uh..." The first letter had come into focus within a few seconds of her realizing it was there. The second wasn't coming so easily. "E. P."

"OK, third line."

"F. O. B."

"Alright, on to the fourth."

This one looked like a solid line. Frustrated, Ramona tried squinting. It didn't help. "O. F. B. O."

Nodding, the doctor set his papers down and walked back over to where Ramona was sitting on the examination table. "I think that's all we need," he said.

"Did I pass?"

The doctor's laugh wasn't comforting. She could barely make out the shaking of his head, but the blur of motion stung more than any amount of light could have. "Hell no," he said between chuckles. "In fact, I don't think I've ever seen anybody do worse. Looks like your eyes have a bit more healing to do."

"So you're not going to sign me out?"

"No."

Dropping backwards, Ramona let herself fall flat on the examination table. It was hard and cold against the bare skin that made contact with it through the slit at the back of her hospital gown, but she didn't care. She even let her eyes close again. At this point it didn't matter. Either way she was going back to that small bed in the main ward. There was always something Cherry and Audrey were willing to chat over, but there were also things running through her own mind that she didn't talk about, and with nothing to do but sit in the dark for nearly a week they'd been cropping up more and more often. It didn't help that they were also the only things she'd been able to picture while she'd been blind. "I can't stay here any longer."

"So don't."

Ramona's eyes snapped open again in an instant. She wasn't sure how, but she was sitting up again. The doctor was yawning and stretching his arms. He didn't seem too concerned about her condition. "Wait, what?"

"Don't stay then," the doctor said. "I can't sign my name off for you, but I'll get your clothes and prescription now, if you want. Your personal effects and back mail are under your bed. You can claim any weapons and ammunition you were carrying at the armory. We don't keep those here."

When the words had finished sinking in Ramona wasn't sure if the man was being serious. Cocking her head, she tried to gauge his expression. He wasn't smiling. "Are you serious?"

"I told you before," he said without looking up. "If you can walk out the doors you're free to go."

"You weren't kidding?"

"No."

Speechless, she once again dropped her head into her hand. The skin still felt tight, and she could feel a series of irregular bumps running themselves across the entire left side of her face. There hadn't been a mirror in the examination room. Was that done on purpose? "Who do I check out with then?"

"Don't bother checking out," the doctor said. "Nobody's going to stop you."

"Why not?"

Standing again, the man walked over to the papers he'd set down on the counter. "Because we need the space." Picking them up, he moved towards the door. "Wait here," he said before walking through. "I'll get you everything you're going to need. I have a feeling I won't be seeing you again after this."

She'd thought he'd been joking, and was only slightly relieved that he wasn't. It meant that she was allowed to go 'home', but it also meant that the doctor didn't give a damn about really helping anybody. Apparently nobody did. The nurses had always sounded so cheerful out in the ward. How could they let people just get up and walk out? Their job was to ensure that their patients healed. Leaving before proper treatment had been administered to hospital standards certainly didn't qualify under those guidelines.

Half stunned, Ramona didn't feel as if much time had passed before the doctor walked back in through her door. His hands looked full, and she recognized the blue shade of the Militia's standard issue utilities. Dropping the pile down onto the counter, he held the other small object he'd been carrying up for her to see. She couldn't make out much of the detail, but it looked orange. "Take one of these pills every three to four hours as needed, but no more than that. It's not candy."

Holding her hand out Ramona took the pill bottle from the doctor. She couldn't read the label. "What is this?"

"Pethidine," the man said. "They've been experimenting with medicines that aren't based on ragnite, and this is what they've come up with. It's a painkiller. Your burns are starting to heal, but they're not quite there yet. You'll thank me for that later."

"Well that's encouraging." Sighing, Ramona ran her fingers over her face again. Without a mirror in the room she couldn't tell what the damage was, and from the feel of things she wasn't going to be happy with it. The burns were supposed to fade though, and the rest wasn't anything a little makeup couldn't fix. It might cause a little bit of extra work to conceal for awhile but once everything healed up she was sure it wouldn't take much effort to look as good as new. "Is there anything else I need to know?"

"Nope. Good luck."

As the doctor walked out of the room and shut the door behind him Ramona set the bottle of pills down on the examination table and stood up. Grabbing her uniform she went through the pockets. All of them were empty. She'd expected as much – the doctor had told her all of her personal effects had been placed under her bed. Untying her gown, she let it fall to the floor and put on the utilities pants and undershirt. She could go without the top for the day. Carrying it on her arm, she put the bottle of pills in her pocket before walking out of the door and into the main ward.

It wasn't the same ward she'd walked out of, or at least it wasn't how she'd imagined it in her head. Everything was still a blur, but Ramona could tell that the doctor had been right – she wasn't going to be sticking around. Thankfully the room wasn't as bright as she'd been expecting. There weren't any windows. Beyond that the place was a mess. Rows of beds stretched from one end of the long, narrow room to the other. Every one of them was full. She'd at least been expecting that. She hadn't been expecting the thin mattresses that had been set up on the floor between the beds by the entryway. They were all full as well.

Having been blind for the majority of her stay, Ramona wasn't sure where her own bed was. All she knew was that it was a bit of a walk and that it would be empty. There wasn't a makeshift mattress between where she and Cherry had been stationed, so she assumed it must have been further down the line. Walking forward she tried to keep her eyes off of the beds as she passed by. The bodies occupying them were fuzzy, but she wasn't oblivious. Her mind could fill in the details.

Finally coming up to an empty bed, Ramona did her best to identify the women lying in the two beds flanking it. The one closest was lying on her stomach, and the girl on the other side was nose deep in some sort of magazine. They were fuzzy, but she could definitely tell they were Cherry and Audrey. There was no way to tell what magazine Audrey was reading, but Ramona could reasonably guess it was some sort of fashion issue. It had come up in discussion a number of times in the past few days, and the girls had apparently been passing it back and forth over her. Audrey had probably read every article in the thing at least three times over. "Hey," Ramona said before stepping next to her own bed. "I'm back."

Dropping the magazine, Audrey turned her head. It took Cherry a little bit more effort to turn, but she too twisted her upper body around so that she could see. When she had completed the turn Ramona noticed the cast encasing her arm. It was the first time she realized that it was probably broken. Nobody had really talked about injuries in the hospital. "Hey there," the girl said with what looked like a smile. "I see they took the bandages off. Lookin' good."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Ramona took a seat on her bed. There weren't any mirrors in the ward either. It was almost as if the doctors had gone through room by room and made sure anything that could have made any sort of reflection had been taken down. If they actually had they'd done a thorough job. "Yeah, they're all off," she said. Her mind drifted back to the irregular bumps she'd felt running across her face. Mina had said there would be some sort of mark, and she wasn't completely sure she trusted Cherry to tell her the truth. "It really doesn't look bad?"

"Good as new. How do you feel?"

"Like shit."

"That's a bummer," Cherry said. "But hey, at least you look good, right?"

Through the blur she couldn't have been sure, but Ramona thought she saw Audrey shoot Cherry something that looked like a glare. By the time she turned her head completely towards the girl she was smiling again. "Yeah," Audrey said lifting her magazine. "That's what really counts."

"I guess." Running her hand across her cheek Ramona could still feel the bumps. They didn't feel like they were nothing. Remembering that the doctor had said her personal items were waiting under her bed, she quickly glanced below the two beds surrounding her. She hadn't been carrying a mirror. Audrey and Cherry hadn't had their own, but Marina had passed her makeup kit off to Stijnen after she and Cezary had located the enemy sniper teams, and she wasn't sure the girl had ever gotten it back to her. "Hey, were either of you two carrying a mirror or anything when you went down?"

"No," Cherry said. "You know we weren't."

"Yeah," Ramona answered in a defeated voice. "I know."

"Just relax," Audrey said. "Lay back down and we'll spend the next few days in comfortable beds at the government's expense."

Having been lying on the bed for nearly the past week Ramona knew all too well that the beds weren't exactly comfortable. They were better than fields, streets, and floors, but they weren't anything to write home about. Now that she could see, she knew exactly what Nina had been talking about the time she returned from a hospital. Just within the distance she could see, and not counting her two friends, there were two amputees, five or so women with some sort of broken limb, another woman with bandages wrapped around her head, and a body cast. Nobody was smiling. "I'm leaving, actually."

"Cleared for a discharge?" Audrey asked.

"No," Ramona answered as she slid off of the bed and took a knee. Reaching under she could feel a small box. "I'm just leaving."

"Wait, you can't do that."

"Sure I can." In one smooth motion Ramona slid the box out from under the bed. She already knew that everything she'd been carrying on her was in it. Although the doctor had mentioned it, she was still surprised when she saw the two letters resting on the box's lid. "The doctor said we're free to go if we can walk out," she said absently. "You're free to come too."

"Are you kidding?" Cherry asked flopping back down onto the bed. "I can't even wipe my own ass. I'm totally stuck here."

"Yeah," Audrey agreed. "We're not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Ah." Picking up the two letters, Ramona tried to make out who they were from. It was like taking the eye exam all over again. There was definitely writing on the envelopes, but beyond that trying to decipher the return addresses was a lost cause. Her eyes already burned, and straining them to make letters out of the blurry mess in front of her was just making it worse. "Hey Cherry," she said lifting the letters high enough for the girl to catch sight of them. "Can you tell me what these are?"

"Oh, mail!" Cherry cried as she ripped the envelopes from Ramona's hand. "Were you expecting anything?"

She was due for a paycheck, but that would only have taken one envelope, not two. If her pay was one of the letters, the other could have been anything. Mail usually came one paycheck at a time – there was something new in Cherry's hand. "Maybe my pay. That's it."

"Alright then," Cherry said excitedly. Dropping the two envelopes onto her pillow, she flipped between them and squinted. "We'll go through them one at a time. First I need my reading glasses."

Cocking her head, Ramona tried to figure out whether or not Cherry was being serious. Apparently she was. "You don't have them?"

"No, they should be in the box under my bed. Take a look and see if you can pull them out."

Stunned, Ramona looked over her shoulder to where Audrey was still reading her magazine. The two girls had been passing the thing back and forth. "I thought you'd been reading that magazine."

With an embarrassed chuckle, Cherry brought her good arm back and scratched her head. "I uh…" With a sigh, she shrugged and brought her attention back to the envelopes. "I just look at the pictures."

Ramona wasn't surprised. While she had never been into reading books, she'd at least read the articles when she got a new magazine. Cherry didn't strike her as having done even that. Normally she wouldn't have cared – it was none of her business whether or not Cherry actually read the articles or just looked at the pictures. However, when she finally got a little bit of mail and needed her friend to read it she wanted it read immediately. She didn't want to have to sort through Cherry's junk to find her glasses. That took time, and Ramona wasn't feeling particularly patient. Sliding the box out from under Cherry's bed, she lifted the lid and began to sort through its contents.

Most of the clutter inside was just loose items or trinkets Cherry had picked up here and there or stuff she'd brought along with her. It took a moment to sort through all of the junk with her vision blurred, but within a few seconds Ramona caught sight of a glasses case. Picking it up, she managed to work it open. Cherry's glasses were still inside. Closing the case, she'd half handed it over to Cherry when another box inside the girl's stash caught her eye.

Ramona knew what it was the moment she picked it up. She couldn't see it clearly, but she'd held many like it before. Wulfstan's makeup kit. Cherry had lied about holding on to it. Making sure the girl wasn't looking, Ramona slid the kit under her uniform jacket and handed the glasses case over to her friend. There was a mirror in the makeup kit, but that could wait until after she'd found out what the letters were about. The letters would also give her time to stall opening the kit. She wasn't completely sure she wanted to. "Here you go," she said nervously.

"Perfect." Putting the glasses on, Cherry picked up the two envelopes. She didn't look at them. Glancing over the side of her bed, she gave Ramona an encouraging look. "You ready?"

"Yeah," Ramona answered as quickly as she could manage. "Just read them off."

"Alright then." Cherry turned her attention to the first of the envelopes. It only took her a quick skim to nod and set it aside. "Yeah, that's your pay," she said.

"We were expecting that though, right?"

"Yeah," Cherry said confidently. "It's the second one that's important. The first was supposed to be your pay."

"Yeah." For some reason it made complete sense to think that the first of the letters absolutely had to have been her paycheck. She wasn't let down that way. There was still one more letter, and she knew it couldn't have been her pay. They'd already gone through that. "Who's the other one from?"

Grabbing the second envelope, Cherry prepared to read it over. "You ready?"

If she had to wait another second Ramona was going to explode. "Just read it, Cherry."

Nodding, the girl brought the envelope up to her face. Once again her eyes began to sweep over the text. As they moved back and forth across the writing Ramona's stomach twisted into a knot. She'd completely forgotten about the mirror she'd hidden under her uniform. Everything but the letter ceased to matter. None of it was important. After a long while Cherry let the letter slack. She wasn't smiling. "It's uh…"

Heart sinking, Ramona let her head fall back against the side of her bed. Cherry's expression killed any hope of the letter having come from her father. Beyond that it didn't matter whose name was on the envelope. It was junk. "Who's it from," she asked flatly.

"It's from Gallian Standard." Letting the letter fall onto her bed, Cherry removed her glasses and set them next to her pillow. "Looks like something about your life insurance policy."

"Life insurance?"

"Yeah."

That figured just about right. Two letters finally shows up in one go, and the extra one ends up being about how much money the one person she had been wishing actually wrote her was going to get when she died. "You alright?" she heard Cherry ask through the blur in front of her. Something told her it wasn't just the burns that were making everything look fuzzy.

Swallowing a lump, Ramona bit the inside of her cheek and took a deep breath. It took effort to get the air down, but after a little struggle she managed to keep it in. "Fine," she said.

"Are you sure?" Audrey asked from behind her.

Wanting to answer yes, Ramona instead shook her head. If a letter wasn't coming then it wasn't going to come ever. She'd realized that long before, but it hadn't hit until that moment. It stung more than she'd expected. "Life insurance," she repeated again. "The cunt gets a letter for every day of the week and I get fucking life insurance."

"Oh come off it," Cherry scorned. Rolling her eyes she let her chin rest on the edge of her bed. "You don't mean it and she's got nothing to do with it."

Lowering her eyes at the onslaught of Cherry's gaze, Ramona had to admit that the girl was right. Her lack of mail was nobody's fault but her own. She hadn't completely meant what she'd said about Wulfstan either. There was no denying the woman was a bitch, but at least she was a quiet bitch. She was also one of the two people in the world who knew why Ramona never got any mail beyond a paycheck or a life insurance update. Even Audrey didn't know the details. In a way it was kind of comforting.

The other feelings that came with the mention of Marina weren't quite as pleasant. Suddenly remembering the makeup kit she'd hidden under her uniform, Ramona let her arm slide under the heavy material until her fingers reached the small box. Running her fingertips over its smooth surface, she looked up to where Cherry was lying on her mattress. The girl still had her chin at the bed's edge, and her eyes were still fixed on where Ramona was sitting. She'd lied about carrying the makeup kit. It wasn't likely she'd sit too well with Ramona pulling it out in front of her. "Hey Cherry," she said devising a plot to divert the girl's attention. "Could you read it for me?"

Eyes widening, Cherry gave her a hard look. "Read what?"

"My mail."

Still staring, Cherry's expression quickly turned to clueless. Without her ponytail the girl's hair spilled over the side of the bed. Along with the hospital gown she was wearing it only served to accentuate her confusion. "It's an insurance update," she said. "Why would you ever want me to read that?"

"Because it's my mail and I want to know what it says."

Groaning, Cherry brought her good hand in front of her face. "Ramona, it's just–"

"It's my mail and I want to know what it says," Ramona insisted. She didn't really care about what the letter said. In fact, she wished she'd never gotten it. At least with one letter she wouldn't have gotten her hopes up. Two had nearly killed her, and she wanted nothing to do with the extra weight. Cherry still needed to look away for a few seconds. "Look, a letter about your insurance might not mean much to you, but that's all I've got. Just read me my mail." Feeling a second lump form, she dropped her eyes back down to where the makeup kit was hidden under her uniform. "Please."

After a scrutinizing stare Cherry shifted back onto her pillow and reached for her glasses. Clearly annoyed, she mumbled a string of words before lifting the letter and beginning to tear the envelope. That was the last Ramona saw of the girl. As soon as Cherry's attention had been diverted she quickly pulled the makeup kit out from under her uniform. Even with her vision blurred she immediately recognized it as the same kit Marina had handed over just after Catherine had been shot, and the flood of memories didn't help ease the woman's mind. Holding her breath, she lifted the case up to her face and opened the lid.

It took longer than Ramona expected for her vision to focus on the face staring back at her through the mirror, and even then it was still blurry enough that she couldn't make out every detail. She was immediately grateful. In the haze the irritated skin covering the top half of her face blurred together. Even the eyes were completely bloodshot. That wasn't what dropped the floor out from under her. The burns weren't severe, and they were supposed to fade. It was the rest of her. Past the burns the right half of her face looked normal. It was familiar. The left half was gone, or at least absent in the sense of anything resembling what she'd remembered it looking like still being there. Instead, a network of dark stitches etched its way from the side of her chin to her ear, branching off midway up her cheek to wrap around the eye and come to a stop just above the base of her forehead.

As the lump in her throat expanded and hollowed the face in the reflection faded. The blur was different now – wetter. Mina had said that the damage the grenade had done would leave some kind of mark. Nobody had told her that mark would cover nearly an entire half of her face. Any hope of a career after the war was gone. The Militia didn't give a damn what the person pulling a trigger looked like, but no company in Europa would ever want a cut up model pushing their products, and no amount of makeup could hide the scars that would be left behind once the stitches were removed.

Blinking the tears away Ramona took in the two halves of her face and tried to fit them together in her mind – only to realize she didn't like either one of them. There were dozens of other casualties in the ward. Every one of them was bandaged in one way or another. Some of them had casts. Others were missing limbs. The left side of her face told her that she was ugly. She couldn't see the highway of stitches in detail, but she could already tell that it was never going to look better than it did then, and it was already looking bad. As much as it hurt, that wasn't the worst thing. Ugly could always be solved. Drink enough of something hard and anything would start to look good, scars or no. What hurt the most was the right side. The good side. Even through the haze of the burns and the tears, she looked at the right side of her face in the mirror and for the first time saw herself for what she truly was – young, beautiful, and frighteningly insignificant.

"Oh shit," she heard Cherry say from her bed. Ramona didn't look away from the mirror, but she knew what her friend was suddenly upset about. It didn't matter now – the girl was too late, and the mirror was already opened. "Where did you get that?"

For as hollow as the lump in her throat had become, it was incredibly difficult to force anything through it. Giving up after a few too many futile attempts, Ramona let the makeup kit drop into her lap. She couldn't see it anymore anyway. "Hey," Audrey said. "You OK?"

Even after closing her eyes she could feel a steady stream flowing down her cheeks. Somehow it burned. Sniffling, Ramona lifted her head and opened her eyes. She could barely distinguish the outline of Cherry's body from the blur of the room behind her. Gulping through the lump and clearing her throat, she gave speaking one more shot. It was garbled, but it made do. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Cherry asked. She'd clearly been trying to sound innocent, but there was a slight edge to her voice that gave everything away. The girl had lied about hanging onto Marina's mirror. Obviously she hadn't wanted Ramona to get her hands on it. "There's nothing wrong with you. What's there to tell?"

"You don't say 'oh shit' when nothing's wrong, Cherry," Ramona insisted as forcefully as she could manage. "Why didn't anybody say anything?"

"Because there's nothing to tell," Cherry repeated. "You look fine."

"Then why did you lie about the mirror?"

Cherry's uncharacteristic silence sealed her fate. Instead of the constant stream of words that normally flowed from the girl's mouth, the only thing that reached Ramona's ears was a sigh. Sniffling, she once again let her head fall back into the side of her mattress. "Wonderful."

"Hey look," Audrey said from her bed. "It's really not that bad."

With a fresh batch of tears coming Ramona wiped her forearm across her eyes. It scratched at the irritated skin surrounding the top of her face, and the sting lingered for a few moments after she'd taken her arm away. "Not bad?" she asked. For a moment her mind drifted back to what she'd seen in the mirror. 'Not bad' wasn't exactly the phrase that came to mind. "Audrey, I look like fuckin' Frankenstein."

"Oh no you don't," Cherry said after finding her voice. It was nice that she was trying, but it was too late – the damage was done. "You totally don't at all."

Grabbing the makeup kit, Ramona glanced at it for a moment before tearing her eyes away again. It didn't look any different than it had seconds ago, but the smooth black case she'd been dying to open a minute before now just sent shivers down her spine and twisted her stomach. She wanted nothing to do with it. Her look in the mirror told her that as soon as she walked out of those hospital doors and out into the street people would look at her and think one word – ugly. That was one thing, and she might have even been able to get used to that over time. She may never have been truly happy again, but she could have at least settled. Other people she could have dealt with. The real pain came when she looked into the mirror and realized she couldn't stand the sight of herself either. "You already lied to me once, Cherry," she said as she stuffed the makeup kit back into Cherry's box of personal items and buried it as deeply underneath the small stash of junk as possible. "Why should I believe you now?"

"Because she's right this time," a new voice came from across the aisle. Looking over, Ramona could see the occupant of the bed directly across from her own sitting up and staring intently in her direction. After rubbing her eyes again the outline became a bit clearer. They'd been close enough to talk throughout her stay in the ward, so she already knew who it was, but she wanted to see the patient with her own eyes, and after a quick struggle the other woman's upper body focused into a blur light enough to make out some distinguishing traits. Resting with her arms wrapped around her good leg, Nadine gave a reassuring nod. "You really don't look like Frankenstein. At all."

For a second or two Ramona was stunned. Nadine wasn't a liar. If she said something, no matter what it was, she meant it. After her initial reaction though, Ramona began to doubt again. Casualties were often the one exception to the 'always tell the truth' rule. "You're not just saying that, right?"

"Of course not," Nadine said shaking her head. "You said you didn't read much, right?"

"No," Ramona answered. "Not really."

"Well there you go."

Ramona had told Nadine that she didn't like to read, but she didn't at all see what any of that had to do with her current situation. Nadine was smart though – smarter by far than most of the Squad, and at least twice as smart as Ramona and her two friends combined by the redhead's own reckoning – so if she had a point there must have been something to it. "I don't get what that has to do with this," she said, hoping she didn't look as stupid as she felt.

"Ah," Nadine said with a smile as she sat up a little straighter. Her leg didn't afford her much room for movement, but she looked to be taking as much advantage of the little space she had as she was allowed. The woman really did look like a professor. "Well you see, if you'd actually read the book you'd have known Frankenstein was the doctor. If I can put it a little less vulgarly I think what you meant to say was that you looked like Frankenstein's monster."

The words ran through Ramona's mind a few times before she was able to translate them into something meaningful. She already knew she looked bad, and that it was never going to get much better. Still, part of her hoped that others would be understanding. If nobody ever said anything about it or if they never stopped to take notice of it would it really have been ugly? Nadine's third party confirmation of the thoughts she'd already been having killed that idea. It wouldn't be coming back. Staring up at the woman, Ramona was somehow left simultaneously too stunned and too numb to start crying again. "I look like a monster?" she asked instead.

"Oh no," Nadine cried. "That's not what I meant at all." Smile suddenly fading, the woman shifted uncomfortably on her bed. "It's just they're different characters, you know? People get that wrong all the time. You don't look like that at all, I swear. I just thought that since you don't read much…"

"I look like a monster," Ramona repeated. The words weren't directed towards anyone in particular.

"No, you don't. I didn't mean that. You look…" The temporary silence that followed gave her away too. In the course of only a few minutes two women had fallen to the same trap. "Well I…" Sighing, Nadine began to lay back. "I've got a lot of writing I've got to get back to. You look fine. I'm just going to finish some writing."

As Nadine's torso disappeared out of sight behind her bad leg and her good knee, Ramona felt Cherry's hand on her shoulder. When she'd first gone down it had been the only thing keeping her going, and it still felt reassuring on the hospital room floor. Cherry had lied, but that didn't change the fact that the girl was just about the only real friend she had left. None of her old friends from home ever wrote. They were either too drunk or too high to bother. Audrey was close, but she'd been around less than a month. Maybe in another month's time, assuming both of them lived long enough. Edy had been really nice as well. A bit brash at times, and more than a little pigheaded, but her heart had been in the right place. She hadn't. "Hey, don't worry about it," Cherry said as she squeezed a little tighter on Ramona's shoulder. The extra pressure was comforting. "You know Nadine would never have meant that. She's a sweetheart."

"Yeah," Audrey said. "Do you really think she would ever have said something like that?"

Ramona and Nadine had never been particularly close, but the Darcsen had kept her company while their platoon had been pinned down in that building. The woman read the story she was always writing out loud, and made Ramona promise not to tell anybody about it. She'd even told her a bit about her husband. There was no way in Ramona's mind that Nadine had meant she'd looked like a monster. The woman's husband was wheelchair bound – she wasn't one to be judgmental about hospital patients. It still hurt to think about. "No. I know she didn't mean it."

"Then there's no problem, right?" Cherry asked.

"No." Shaking her head Ramona let it drop forward into her hands. Any light that she'd been able to see through her closed lids disappeared. The dark was more comfortable. "She might not have meant it, but it's still true. This'll leave scars. Even after it's healed."

"Everyone here has scars, Ramona," Cherry said. "I'll have some too when this is done. It isn't just you."

The girl's voice had come a tone harsher than it had before. Still keeping her hands over her eyes, Ramona pictured the wounds Cherry had received over the past few months. She'd seen the first one with her own eyes, and while she hadn't seen the second she'd still been around to help patch it up. As she saw it there was an important distinction between the blonde's wounds and her own. "Cherry, you were shot in the ass. You can hide your scars."

"Not forever I can't!" Looking up in surprise, Ramona could see an anxious look on her friend's face. The girl was once again leaning over the edge of the bed, and she looked to be on the verge of tears herself. "Yeah, maybe you can't see them out on the street, but someday I'm going to meet Prince Charming, and when he says, 'Hey Cherry, flip around for me,' there are going to be two giant scars staring back up at him. Do you know how embarrassing that's going to be?"

Taking a quick glance around the room, it looked as if nearly every head within earshot had turned in their direction. Thankfully their faces were too blurry to make out any expressions. "Yeah," Ramona answered slowly. "I think I have an idea."

"Hey look," Audrey said before Cherry could start back up again. Her voice was much warmer and softer than Ramona had remembered it. Maybe she'd qualify for friend sooner than she'd given the girl credit for. "I'm not going to say it isn't a bit noticeable, but nobody in the Squad is going to care. You're good as long as you're with us. In the meantime we'll work something out, alright? We'll make things alright."

Ramona hadn't expected trouble with the Squad. They would understand. In fact, she'd probably fit in just fine with Musaad and Largo. It was everyone else in the world that was going to be the problem. Her father would never understand. "Alright," she said weakly.

"Good. Now all that's left is to…"

When Audrey's voice trailed off Ramona turned her head. Her friend was still lying in the same position, but she wasn't focused on either Ramona or the magazine she'd been holding. Instead, her eyes were pointed towards the woman standing at the foot of her bed. Instead of the usual nurse's outfit she was wearing a black dress, and though they were fuzzy Ramona could see that she was wearing glasses. It took her a moment to recognize the figure through the haze and without the hat, but when the woman opened her mouth there was no question as to who it was. "More comfortable on the floor there, Linton?" she asked.

"Oh, Ellet," Ramona said in surprise. Quickly turning, she picked up her own box of personal items and set it down on her mattress. Lifting herself, she sat down next to it. Ellet was just behind her and to the left. She made a point of turning her head to the right so that the woman couldn't see the left half of her face. She'd surely seen it already, but that wasn't the point. Ramona didn't want to subject herself to having to look at it again. Ellet shouldn't have been forced to either. "No, I'm just leaving actually."

"Alright," the reporter said. "Cleared and ready for duty?"

"Something like that."

"Good to hear."

"Yeah."

Turning as far onto her side as her injured arm and rear would allow, Cherry quickly waved and smiled. "Looking good there. What's the occasion? You getting back from a hot date?"

Shaking her head Ellet set her bag down next to Audrey's mattress. "No," she said as she sat down at the foot of the girl's bed. "Isara's funeral."

Cherry's smile was gone as soon as the reporter's words were out. Struck dumb a second time, she rolled back onto her stomach and blew a loose strand of hair out of her eyes. It floated in front of her face for a moment before settling back down in the exact place it had rested before. "Oh," she said a little less excitedly.

"That was today?" Audrey asked.

"Just got out half an hour ago, actually," Ellet said. "The reception is still going, but I'm not big on funerals. I figured it would be better with just her family anyway."

Her family. Welkin was the only actual family member the girl had left before she died. Ellet must have been referring to the rest of Squad 7. From the outside that might have been a good description. It was too bad that it was bullshit, or at least that it felt like it. The Squad had been a family for maybe the first two or three months of the war. Now it was a group of Militiamen held together by a number. New people came and went after every trip back to base. The girl had had to introduce herself to three fifths of the Squad every month. What was the point? "Well I'm sorry we missed it," Ramona said.

"Nah," Ellet said waving her off. "Nobody's going to hold it against you guys. They're just glad you're all OK." Stretching out a bit, she sat back and made herself comfortable. "You can make up for it though if you want."

"Oh?"

"Yep," the woman said. "O'Hara's funeral is in three days. It's being held on base. If you're getting out now you should go."

Normally the bodies were shipped back to their families for burial. Isara's only family had been in the Squad. Catherine hadn't had a family at all, or at least one that anybody knew anything about. The closest thing she had was Coby. Bodies that weren't claimed were buried near the base. He'd certainly make sure her funeral went off without a hitch, and that everyone from the Squad who was available showed up. Ramona wasn't sure if she would have been invited if the patch on her arm didn't read '7'. "Yeah," she said anyway. If showing up was only going to make things harder for everyone, what would not showing up at all say to the old man? "I should probably go to that."

"Good." Reaching into her bag, Ellet pulled out a small pad of paper and a pen. "Now if you girls don't mind I need to get my mind off of funerals. Cool if I jump straight into business?"

"What business?" Audrey asked.

"Your interview." Scribbling a couple of notes at the top of the first blank sheet she came to, Ellet turned towards the girl occupying the bed she was sitting on. "I promised you one, didn't I?"

Not wanting to get in the way Ramona picked up her box and stood up. "I think I'm going to head out now," she said without turning around. "Thanks for stopping by Ellet. I'll see you later Audrey."

"Yeah," the girl said. Her voice was lighter now. Getting the fabled interview was a milestone within the Squad. It meant you'd lived long enough to have meant something. Once that issue hit the stands Audrey would be part of the group. She was making headway within the Squad faster than just about any replacement that had come before her. Even the Lieutenant seemed a bit fond of her. "Stop by sometime, and remember what I said."

"Will do." Stepping into the aisle, Ramona began her walk to the ward's exit. It was on the opposite end of the examination rooms, but it almost looked as if she could see more patients set up on the floor near that door as well. No wonder nobody cared about people walking out. "You too, Cherry."

"Whoa, hey!" the girl called out as her friend started to walk away. Reaching for the envelopes on her bed, she held them out for Ramona to grab. "You forgot your pay."

Taking half a step back, Ramona took the letters from her friend's hand. The life insurance was a slap in the face, but pay was pay. Looking down at them, she had a hard time telling which was which. She'd recognize the paycheck once they were opened. Originally she'd planned on saving most of her money, and she'd done a good job of it up to that point. Now it just didn't seem to matter as much. "Think I can buy enough booze with this to drink myself to death?" she asked.

Cherry was shocked for a moment, but after a second or two her surprise turned into a sly smirk. "Sure," she said, "and with enough left over for extra. Pick me up something nice."

"I'll see what I can do."

Nodding happily, Cherry's hair fell back down over the edge of the bed. "What was that stuff that tastes like candy?"

Looking over, Ramona could see that Ellet and Audrey still hadn't begun their interview. Audrey was watching her two friends intently, but Ellet had her head turned in the complete opposite direction, and was obviously pretending she couldn't hear a word the two girls were saying. "Sambuca."

"Yeah," Cherry said giddily. "That. Get me a fifth of that, and then another fifth of that pomegranate vodka stuff."

"Sure." Stepping forward again, Ramona slowly began to make her way towards the exit. "I'll hide it in my footlocker for you."

"Perfect," the girl's voice came from behind as she stepped forward again. "And if you can, fetch a nurse to come help me on your way out. I have to pee."

Nodding, Ramona turned away for the last time. "Yeah, I've got you covered."

"Thanks," the girl said as her friend left. "See you later, beautiful."

Ignoring the comment, Ramona made her way down the aisle and towards the door. By the time she'd made it to the point where the patients were stuck between beds, she caught the attention of one of the nurses and told her that Cherry needed a hand. The conversation didn't last more than a few seconds, but something about it was extremely offsetting. When she'd been blind Ramona hadn't pictured the ward looking at all like it did. The nurses' voices had been warm and caring. They genuinely seemed like they'd taken pride in what they'd been doing. With her sight back she wanted nothing to do with the hospital staff. The women still spoke with the same warm voice that had comforted her when she was blind, but their expressions didn't match the caring tone of their words. It took a moment to place the problem, but when it came it hit hard – they never smiled. More than slightly disturbed, Ramona pushed through the doors and walked out into the main lobby.

As the doctor had predicted nobody stopped her on her way out. In fact, the man at the reception desk didn't even look. He had a model walking past his desk and out of his hospital and he'd never know. Probably wouldn't have cared even if he did. Hundreds of bodies moved back and forth across his lobby every day – for the first time she was just another number. Even beyond ugly, there was nothing worse than being ordinary.

Outside the sun was blinding. It took everything Ramona had to keep her eyes open wide enough to see where she was going. The light didn't only burn, but it shot through her and brought on the most severe headache she could remember. It was still better than being blind. She could still see things when she was blind, and there was nothing to look at on the outside to block them out. Her father had been a frequent visitor, along with Coby, Catherine, and that Imperial she'd shot through the facemask back in Kloden. He was in the dreams too, and as bad as the dreams had been they were pleasant compared to waking up to nothing.

Once her eyes had adjusted enough that she could at least look down at the ground without feeling like her head was going to explode, Ramona felt her way over to a bench and sat. Lifting the box onto her lap, she had to brush her uniform off of the lid before she could open it. As she moved it next to her she could see that the bloodstains had been washed off of her sleeve. The soldier who's throat she'd cut had bled all over it. Her uniform was clean now. With the man's blood gone it was almost as if it had never happened, or as if he'd never really existed in the first place. The very thought nearly sent her into a panic attack.

After tearing off the box's lid she began to sort through the contents. Most of it was crap. When she found her wallet she took it out and put it in her back pocket. She wasn't sure if there was any money in it, but at the moment it was a secondary concern. The wallet wasn't what she'd been looking for. Bringing her attention back to the box she shuffled through it once again. Within a few seconds she'd found what she'd been looking for – her lighter and Marina's pack of cigarettes. After they'd been set aside she closed the box and placed it at her feet.

Marina had given her the cigarettes to keep herself from smoking. Looking at the pack, Ramona remembered what they had felt like. They'd been nasty - the smoke had burned at her lungs and sent her coughing until she thought she was going to vomit. They smelled awful, and they tasted even worse. They also sounded like the best thing in the world at that moment. Picking up the pack, she pulled one out and looked it over. It was still a blur, but that didn't matter. Everything was a blur. "Well," she mumbled to herself as she put the cigarette in her mouth and lifted the lighter. "Shit."

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Next: Engagement