AN: GPX+ is an online Pokémon site, and I got my first Shiny from it yesterday. I've had a ton of Shinies on the actual games before. :p
C h a p t e r 34
She was frozen as he disappeared into the forest; she knew he could never catch him, not in the forest that he knew so well.
"Forest!" she yowled, her voice ringing through the trees, but she knew he was already gone. "Forest," she whispered, and her shoulders slumped; her heart felt as if it was collapsing in on itself, folding, squeezing. It hurt, and for the first time Silverstreak gleaned a bit of what Forest had meant.
She stood there, frozen with uncertainty. Where was she supposed to go now? What was she supposed to do? How was she just supposed to accept that Forest had gone, that he was missing?
Her shoulders slumped; Forest hadn't returned her cry, hadn't reappeared to comfort her and assure her everything would be alright. He was really and truly gone. Her ears flattened, and she bowed her head.
What could she do now? She knew Eaglestrike and Brightfire were continuing the patrol, probably waiting for her and Forest to catch up, but she couldn't face them without him. Nor could she return to camp alone; Ravenwing would think something had happened on the patrol, that Eaglestrike might be hurt, and would swarm her with questions.
She found herself turning away from where Forest had disappeared, walking back towards the river even though she did not know why she was doing so. PeakClan's scent was stale; the patrol had indeed continued downriver.
She sat on the bank, resting her paws in the paw prints already in the mud – perhaps they were Forest's, who knew? – and stared into the water. She could see her reflection, twisted by the flowing current. She blinked down at herself, staring into her own eyes; they appeared desperately sad, and she quickly looked away. Instead, she rose her gaze to the Peak; what had Northstar told Stonestar? It had obviously been nothing good, or else the patrol would not have been so hostile. Obviously they believed that she had stolen the apprentice. Why would Northstar—
She broke off the thought; even her usual worrying didn't seem appealing now. And so she simply sat there, staring, as the sun worked its way higher into the sky.
She suddenly blinked, hearing a rustle behind her. She turned quickly, and found Eaglestrike's yellow eyes watching her. He pushed through the brush slowly, coming to sit beside her.
"What's wrong?" he asked. "You've been gone for hours. We figured if you were with Forest you wouldn't be in any trouble, but Ravenwing had something to ask you, so she wanted me to find you." He glanced around. "Where's Forest?"
Her ears flattened. "He's gone." Her dull tone told Eaglestrike that "gone" meant more than temporary absence.
"He left? For good?"
She nodded slowly.
"Silverstreak, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."
She glanced towards him quickly, confused. "Your fault?"
His ears flattened. "I knew he was feeling uncomfortable, and I knew he didn't like me much….I should have tried harder, Silverstreak. I'm sorry."
She shook her head. "That's not what it was about, Eaglestrike. He said he felt uncomfortable about the Clan, but…that wasn't it. He was unhappy because of me. He felt things that he thought I didn't return…he was afraid I would run away from my friends like I had before, because of him." Her heart twisted as she spoke.
"Then he doesn't know you very well," Eaglestrike meowed. "You wouldn't have run."
"That's just it," she mewed. "I'm afraid I would have."
He gazed at her for a moment, then touched her side with his tail. "No," he said, more quietly, "you wouldn't have. You would never abandon anyone again, not after what it cost you last time. You regretted your decision before, and I know you'd never do it again." He smiled at her. "I've known you for nearly three years now, Silverstreak. I know you wouldn't have run."
And Forest was jealous of that, the knowing, she thought sadly. She leaned against him, resting her head against his shoulder, and he gave her ear a comforting lick. It was peaceful, for a moment, feeling his warmth against her, knowing that he loved her like his little sister, knowing that he would always love her. It was almost like being a kit again, where any hurt could be fixed by a lick from Whitefrost, where her worst trouble was choosing what to steal from the fresh-kill pile.
How did this happen? She wondered. How did I go from a young, naïve kit, to the future leader of a Clan?
Neither spoke for several minutes, until Eaglestrike pulled away from her gently. "We need to go back," he meowed, "I'm sure the Clan is worried. They need to know that Forest is gone."
She flinched; speaking the words aloud would make them real, certain, unchangeable.
"And Ravenwing needs to ask you something," he continued, rising to his paws. Silverstreak blinked, then rose to her paws slowly, trailing after him like a lost kit as they padded back to camp.
As the fallen logs that marked the entrance rose before them, she steeled herself, forcing herself to raise her muzzle and remove the sadness and worry from her face. She couldn't be weak, not in front of her waiting Clan.
"Silverstreak!" Ravenwing chirped as she entered, bouncing forward. Shimmer was behind her, excitement gleaming in her eyes. "I had a little chat with Shimmer, and she's interested in becoming our medicine cat. I thought I could be her mentor, and teach her what I know? It wouldn't be everything she needs to learn, of course, but StarClan might help her out in her dreams, maybe….The half moon is tomorrow night, so if we could sneak into that place you told us about – the Pool of Stars? – she might be confirmed as my apprentice." Ravenwing's eyes glowed eagerly.
"Won't Blackmoon be at the Pool of Stars as well?" Silverstreak asked. Ravenwing blinked.
"I hadn't thought of that, I suppose so…but he'll be alone. I don't think he would try anything, since that night is sacred…but if he does, Shimmer and I would be more than happy to take him down." Her eyes gleamed with determination.
"As a meddy, I can still hunt 'n' fight?" Shimmer asked. Ravenwing turned to her, nodding.
"Hunting is still important for medicine cats, and they defend themselves when necessary, although they always try to find peaceful solutions first," she explained, then turned to Silverstreak with a wide smile. "So? What do you think?"
Silverstreak looked at her friend's eager face and Shimmer's glowing eyes, seeing their spirit. Shimmer would make a good medicine cat apprentice, she knew; she liked herbs and was a quick learner, and being in touch with StarClan might help her adjust even more easily to Clan life.
"Yes," she mewed, "I think it's a fine idea. I'll perform the ceremony…and I have an announcement for the Clan."
Ravenwing noticed the sadness in Silverstreak's eyes. "What is it?" She craned her neck, looking over Silverstreak's shoulder. "Where's Forest?"
Ignoring her question, Silverstreak padded forward, leaping into the branches of the birch tree over her den. She padded down the lowest, thickest branch, and yowled, calling her Clan together.
"May all cats old enough to catch their own prey join me underneath the HighBranch for a Clan meeting!"
Buck, Death, and Jag all looked confused, but were quickly shepherded forward by the more experienced warriors.
Silverstreak's ears almost flattened as she looked down at her Clanmates, who watched her expectantly. "Much to my sorrow," she meowed, the slightest tremor in her voice, "Forest is no longer with us. He has chosen to leave the Clan and the forest."
Shock rippled over the Clan, and she could see the questions rising to their lips. She held up her tail, motioning for silence. "Forest has chosen his own path," she mewed, "and his path no longer lies with the Clan. We must all respect his choice, even if it means he is no longer our Clanmate." She bowed her head, and the Clan was silent, taking in the news.
"However," she said finally, "today is not only a day of sorrow. Ravenwing, do you have something you wish to tell the Clan?"
Ravenwing nodded, and the shy she-cat padded forward, standing below the HighBranch to face the Clan.
"As you all know, I am the closest thing this Clan has to a medicine cat," she mewed, voice trembling slightly from the stares upon her. "But I will not be here forever. If this Clan wishes to be strong, it needs a true medicine cat of its own. I have chosen a cat who is fearless and loyal to the Clan. Your next medicine cat will be Shimmer."
Shimmer, beaming with pride, bounced forward.
Silverstreak took a deep breath, allowing her father's memory to sweep over her, remembering his words when he made Ravenwing the medicine cat apprentice. "Shimmer, do you accept the position of medicine cat apprentice?"
"O' course!" Shimmer purred, then blinked. "I mean, I do."
"Then at the half-moon you must travel to the Pool of Stars, to be accepted by StarClan. The good wishes of the Clan will go with you. And from this moment on, until you earn your name as a medicine cat, you will be known as Shimmerpaw."
Shimmerpaw puffed her silver chest out as Ravenwing, Frostfeather, Eaglestrike, Brightfire, Rainsplash, and Reedrush began chanting her name; the chanting grew louder as Death, Buck, and Jag quickly joined in.
Silverstreak waited until the yowling had died down, before springing down from the HighBranch, signaling the end of the ceremony. Ravenwing padded to the medicine den, followed by a strutting Shimmerpaw.
Silverstreak was surprised to find Frostfeather at her side, concern in her green eyes.
"Is Forest really gone?" she whispered. Silverstreak's ears flattened.
"Yes. He made his choice to leave."
"Why?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
Frostfeather's eyes flashed with understanding. "Ah, I see." Her eyes gleamed with pity, and Silverstreak looked away.
"That ceremony was interesting," Reedrush purred, coming up on her other side. "Blizzardkit will be apprenticed in what…four moons? Will his ceremony be the same?"
Eager to get away from Frostfeather's pity, Silverstreak turned towards her. "No. Medicine ceremonies are different from traditional warrior ceremonies; they have different duties and lifestyles, so the ceremonies are different. In normal apprentice ceremonies, mentors don't choose their apprentices, the leaders choose the mentors."
Reedrush nodded slowly. "Who would be Blizzardkit's mentor, do you think?"
Silverstreak blinked at the idea; she hadn't considered it. What would the Clan look like, in four moon's time? Would they still be here? Would they still be alive?
"I don't know," she said quietly, but the idea of her son's ceremony seemed to have left Reedrush feeling satisfied; she padded away to sit with Jag.
Silverstreak turned back to Frostfeather, only to see the white she-cat walking away, returning to the mewls of the kits; Silverstreak saw Blizzardkit's bright blue eyes gleaming as he attempted to rush past Frostfeather, bolting into the camp, only to be blocked by her white paw.
Forest would have been a good mentor for him. They have so much energy, and he was so good-natured, so….The thought quickly became painful, and she broke it off. She could feel something rising inside of her – despair? – and feeling almost as though she was being dragged downwards, she realized she couldn't stand to be in the camp any longer. She bolted.
She didn't know where she was going, and perhaps it didn't matter; sucking in breath after breath as she ran through the forest helped to divert her mind, away from his green eyes and crooked smile, away from the pain of him leaving, him running so that she wouldn't have to desert her friends.
Would I have done it? She wondered. Or would he have been wrong?
There was no answer to the question now, she knew that; Forest had made the choice for her. It no longer mattered what she would or would have done; Forest already had.
She stopped running and panted, leaning against a nearby tree for support. Her muscles burned from lack of use during her time spent recovering, and she let out a quiet hiss.
What could they do about PeakClan now? They had lost another strong warrior, leaving them with precious few left. Their Clan was a small one, and PeakClan would soon find that out if it truly came down to a battle between them. They might be able to hold off the clumsier, unfit warriors for a short time, but eventually PeakClan would crush them.
Could we meet with them again? She wondered. Try to debunk whatever Northstar has told them? Turn them to our way of thinking?
She let out a sigh; even as she thought it she knew it was useless, hopeless. PeakClan would crush them.
But we will not leave, she vowed. This is our home now. And if we die defending it, at least we'll leave some sort of impact upon PeakClan, perhaps helping them survive against Lion when he comes….We cannot abandon this forest.
Forest never would have left, not even under the threat of Lion. He kidnapped me to protect it. And yet, now he's gone…for me. Her eyes widened. This was his home too, the only place he felt safe. He would have done anything to defend it. And yet he left in a self-imposed exile, probably to never return, so I wouldn't have to abandon my friends.
He loved me. He loved me more than his home.
She was hit by the realization as if it was an enemy's claw, and she almost staggered. And here it was, just as when she had abandoned her friends, the regret swept over her, so strong it was almost tangible. And then came the longing, the hatred of her own foolishness, the wondering at how she could have been so daft, how she had never seen the way he had loved her. No, she had seen it, but she had been too frightened to deal with it, just as she had been too frightened to deal with Frostfeather's pregnancy.
He was right, I would have run, she realized. And he loved me even with that. And I….Her thought trembled. And I loved him too. And I let him get away, let him run, without telling him or trying to stop him…I'm such a coward. She bowed her head, trembling with regret and sorrow, leaning against the tree and pressing her muzzle against it as if attempting to hide her face. Oh, StarClan, I'm such a fool! I never have my priorities straight, I never have anything right. I haven't learned from my mistakes at all, and Forest has paid the price….
The taste of blood flooded her mouth, and she realized she had clenched her jaw so hard she had bitten her tongue. She spat out the mouthful of blood, staring at the wetly glistening leaves on the forest floor.
What can I do? She thought hopelessly. What can I do to make this right? Oh, StarClan, if I could just see him again….But she couldn't, and she wouldn't, because Forest wasn't coming back. He was never coming back.
"Forest, I'm so sorry," she whispered, as if the breeze could carry her words to him. "StarClan, keep him safe…I'm so sorry."
It took her several minutes before she felt like moving, and even then she didn't want to head back to camp, back to the questions and looks of her Clanmates. She couldn't bear them.
I'll explore the territory, she thought, determined to cling on to some sort of action. I'll make some landmarks for us to remember. Every Clan needs those.
She began padding forward, into the forest, brushing against the trees so she could remember where she had come from.
She walked aimlessly, noting the oddly shaped trees or strange bushes, but nothing seemed to stand out to her until she stumbled upon a clearing. It was large, spacious, covered in moss that had turned brown from the searing cold of leaf-bare. She walked over the thick moss, feeling it almost push back underneath her paws; there was a fallen log near the back, which she sniffed over, but it too had begun to be absorbed by the moss.
A training ground, for the apprentices? She wondered. The moss makes sure the ground is soft, so they won't be easily injured….There is plenty of room here as well.
She glanced over the clearing, noting the bare patches where the moss had not yet touched.
Perhaps ten minutes' walk from the camp, she noted, and began walking again.
Her mouth was dry with thirst, and so when she heard the sound of a stream she bounded forward, letting out a yelp of surprise as she found herself falling into what had appeared to be sturdy ground. It was in fact marshy, and she used her claws to pull herself up onto more solid ground. The grass was thick here, up to her shoulders, still faintly green because of its proximity to the water. She peered into the stream; it was thin, but not extremely deep, and moved slowly and leisurely, choosing its way through the thick grass with care. She knelt to lap up the water, wrinkling her nose as the cold stung her tongue.
Turning her head, she could guess that this stream was a branch of the river dividing her territory from PeakClan's. It was as good as anything to follow, and so she did, pushing her way through the thick grass as she made her way down river.
She stopped as the ground began to slope underneath her paws; ahead of her a large, twisted tree seemed to have rooted itself in rock. Drawing nearer, she saw the small stream flowed down the rocks, creating a soft little waterfall streaming down the side. Picking her way down carefully and thankful for the moss that allowed her to get a better grip, she headed down the rocks. She paused at the bottom, and looked back up to the twisted tree; it would make a good landmark as well. Many of the lower branches were thick; it would be a good place for the apprentices to learn how to climb, providing they didn't take a tumble down the waterfall.
She continued to follow the stream; her paws quickly became damp from the slick rocks and spray of the stream as it hit them. She slipped once, her shoulder landing roughly on the bank, but picked herself back up and continued with a wince; the pain only distracted her from her darker thoughts, and she was grateful for it.
The scent of the Thunderpath stung her nose, and she crept forward more cautiously as it came into view, monsters rushing over it and creating a terrible uproar. She blinked in surprise; there appeared to be some sort of tunnel underneath the Thunderpath, through which the stream continued to flow. With a nervous glance at the monsters whizzing overhead, she peered into the tunnel, blinking at the white light on the other end. It was big enough for her to squeeze through, but the thought of the monsters crashing through the Thunderpath and smashing her made her tremble.
Still, the tunnel was quite large to allow the stream to pass through, and she could see what was on the other side; it appeared to be a marshy sort of land, with high reeds and a body of water that was not quite a lake, but not really a pond, either. She could hear the sounds of bird calls over the monsters, and knew that there was probably plenty of prey; in lean times, perhaps the Clan could stray over the Thunderpath – or rather, under – and gather a bit more prey than what their own territory yielded.
Turning away from the Thunderpath, she retreated into the brush once more; the sun was sinking low now, and she knew she would be missed if she did not return to camp. Heading away from the stream, she broke into a run.
The forest sloped downwards slightly, and she skidded to a stop; if she had kept going, she would have plunged over a rocky outcropping and probably broken her neck. Choosing her path carefully, she sprang from green-stained rock to green-stained rock, pausing on one to note her surroundings. Rocks were strewn haphazardly around the area, most of them clumped around the slope downwards. She shivered; this would be a good place for nesting prey, but also an excellent place for hiding snakes.
As she continued, the forest evened out, and she began running again, seeing the brambles that marked the edge of the camp. She raced to the front, leaping through the narrow entrance between the fallen logs. The Clan stared at her, and she realized she looked like a mess, her fur torn from the brambles she'd passed through and covered in burrs and mud from her several stumbles and fall by the stream.
"I went to explore the territory, find a few landmarks we could use," she explained quietly.
"Let me look at you," Ravenwing mewed, "it looks like you have a few scrapes. Shimmerpaw will want to tend to those."
Silverstreak followed her obediently into the medicine den; Shimmerpaw watched her with bright blue eyes.
"What we need?" Shimmerpaw asked eagerly, and Ravenwing paused, glancing Silverstreak over. "A few marigold leaves for the scrapes, and some mousebile; I'm sure she has some ticks now. She doesn't look too bad, although I think she'll need a bath." Ravenwing's eyes glittered at her, but Silverstreak was not amused, still feeling as if she was trapped in some dark tunnel.
Shimmerpaw blinked at her, wrinkling her nose. "Marigold leaves are cool, but mousebile? Gross."
"Apprentices have a lot of duties, and that includes taking care of their Clanmates," Ravenwing reminded her. "Go on, everything should be in the hollow log."
Shimmerpaw grumbled under her breath, leaving the den. Ravenwing began running her paws through Silverstreak's matted fur, looking for scratches and picking out burrs.
"What did you find?" she asked. "Anything besides stuff that sticks to your fur?"
"A few things," Silverstreak answered. "I'll discuss them with the Clan, I suppose."
Ravenwing nodded, turning as Shimmerpaw entered the den, marigold leaves in her mouse and mousebile in one paw.
"Good," Ravenwing purred. "Now, chew up the marigold, while you put mousebile on her ticks. I found a few here, and here," she pointed with her paw. Obediently, Shimmerpaw chewed while wrinkling her nose as she applied the bile. Silverstreak held her breath, disgusted by the stench, as the ticks fell off.
She let out a quiet sigh, feeling the soothing juice of the marigold seep into her fur as Shimmerpaw applied it as well, urged on by Ravenwing's praise.
"That's all," Ravenwing said finally. "Good job, Shimmerpaw, now help me sort these herbs, okay? Berries to one side, leaves to the other, and we'll divide them up more later…."
Silverstreak rose to her paws, seeing that Ravenwing and Shimmerpaw were both distracted by the berries and leaves.
She flexed her muscles, then crouched, springing onto the HighBranch and calling the Clan together, quickly informing them of all she had found.
"This is good news," Eaglestrike purred from below. "A training clearing – shall we call it the Moss Clearing? – will be good when Blizzardkit and Frostfeather's kits start their training."
"That day can't come soon enough," Death grumbled; the nervous tom had attempted to visit Frostfeather several times, but found himself repelled by the kits.
"What should we call the stream? It's an important find as well, and the marsh too," Buck growled.
"Black Stream? Silverstreak said the mud was dark," Reedrush suggested.
"And the rocks? And the tree?"
"The Twisted Tree and GreenRocks?" Frostfeather wondered aloud.
Silverstreak shrugged. "The names sound fine to me, so long as well all know what we're talking about."
Her Clan nodded, and Frostfeather held up her tail. "I've been meaning to ask, what are we going to do with Axel and Demi? They're in the Clan, aren't they? Shouldn't they get Clan names like Blizzardkit did?"
Silverstreak nodded. "They're too young for any sort of ceremony, but they do need new Clan names. Axel and Demi will be….Redkit and Bluekit."
The Clan murmured their approval, and Silverstreak sprang down from the birch tree, feeling exhausted from Forest's leaving, the ceremonies, and her exploration. As the Clan separated to speak amongst itself, she grabbed a mouse from the fresh-kill pile and retreated to her den.
Curling up in the soft moss, she nibbled on the mouse half-heartedly, before giving up on it and resting her head in her paws.
StarClan, please protect Forest…wherever he is, she prayed, her eyes drooping closed as exhaustion took over.
. . .
She missed the dawn patrol the next day, but they brought back little news. Silverstreak finished her mouse from the day before, before leaving the camp without a destination in mind. She took in a deep breath of fresh, faintly sweet forest air – was that a hint of ash on the breeze? – before heading down to the river for a drink.
Birds chirped above her brightly in the trees, and she paused to listen; how could other creatures be so happy, when her heart felt as though it was empty, as if she was simply going through the motions rather than living?
She shook her head, attempting to brush the dark thoughts away. Forest had wanted to give her a second chance to be with her Clan. She had to be strong, for them…no matter how much her own heart might ache.
The sound of the river hit her ears, and she opened her mouth, checking for PeakClan scents. Their dawn patrol had been by, as her own had reported, but there were no other scents from the other Clan.
She knelt by the river, lapping up a few drops with her pink tongue, before pausing as the sound of a crackle made her look up. She glanced around cautiously, before drinking again.
PeakClan scent suddenly rushed into her nose, and she looked up, eyes widening in fear as she saw Northstar standing on the opposite bank, his golden eyes watching her coldly. She unsheathed her claws, tensing, knowing that she would be no match for him.
Northstar seemed torn for a moment; his gaze kept flicking from her to the Peak. Then, finally, he let out a quiet growl.
"We are raiding your camp tomorrow, at dawn," he meowed. "Thought you'd want to know."
Before she could react, he was gone, disappearing into the brush on the opposite bank, leaving her reeling from confusion and fear.
AN: Silverstreak is confused! (She hurt herself in her confusion!)
For some of the landmarks, I went to dART (deviantART) and went to the landscape section. There are some absolutely stunning pictures there; I used bits and pieces from several of them. If you are curious or want to get a better mental picture (I suck at description, I know) go to my dART (Prin-Pardus) and click on my Favorites section. They're definitely worth a click (or I wouldn't have bothered ,I'm stingy with my clicks xD). Some of them are also for plans for PeakClan's territory (the one with the big triangle rock and the one with the huge white rocks that are kinda like rectangles).
Sorry for the rather shameless padding of this chappy, but I needed some words thrown in, and it seemed about time for the territory to get some real use, doncha think? If I could draw ya a picture of it I would, but all of my "talent" is in writing. :p