The fabric of Iris's dress was rubbing against her skin, agitating the abrasions that covered most of her torso and upper thighs. As the car bounced along the roadway the stinging of each wound strung together into a tedious aching. Iris shifted in her seat trying to alleviate however briefly a cycle that seemed destined to continue for the next four hours. "How long of a drive is it to Los Angeles again?" Iris asked.
"Oh, about that," Rose said, turning to Iris briefly and then returning her gaze to the road, "we're not actually going to Los Angeles." Rose paused for a moment, sneaking another glance at Iris in the periphery of her vision. "I hope you're not mad, but we're going to San Francisco. I just said that stuff about Los Angeles to keep Justin from getting his feathers ruffed."
Iris felt a jolt of fear moved through her body, imagining Jack wanting to hold her or make love to her. She shifted again in her seat. "I don't know if this is such a good idea Rose." Iris said, "I don't know if I'm really prepared to see Jack right now."
"Nonsense, Iris." Rose said, shifting gears aggressively. "You're going to see Jack, you're going to meet Caleb, you're going to let me buy you a pretty dress in the city and you are going to have a wonderful time."
Iris sunk back into her seat, resigned to the fact that there was no way of explaining to Rose, or anyone else, for that matter what particular difficulties she was foreseeing. She rubbed at her inner thigh absently, though it hurt, trying to think of what excuses she could use to keep Jack from seeing what Justin had done do her body. Iris smiled to herself as she looked out the window of the car at the rushing scenery. Let alone my mind, she thought. "Well, if you insist Rose, then I suppose I'll have to try." Iris said, looking over at Rose and offering up a decent impression of a smile.
"I don't understand you Iris." Rose said, "For a woman in love you're awfully forlorn most of the time."
"Don't worry, It'll change once I see Jack." Iris said, more to herself than to Rose. "Whenever I get around him I get this warm feeling inside and I can't stop smiling." Iris smiled as she said this, allowing herself to bask in the memory of Jack's smile.
"I think I like this better than the last time I saw you in love." Rose said, her tone lowering to something more serious. "I don't know why you don't want to tell me about now, after all this time, but who ever he was, whatever it was, it weighed on you."
"I was young and scared." Iris said without thinking.
"Weren't we all?" Rose said, settling back into her own seat to match Iris's posture.
"Love is supposed to be this great thing," Iris said, "but when I think about it, all of the worst anxieties I've ever felt, all of the saddest tears came from love."
"You can't let yourself think that way too much Iris." Rose said, "Think about all of your greatest joys in the world, most likely they happened when you were in love too."
Iris thought about this for a moment. She recalled the image of Jack hovering above her trying to unbuckle his pants while she lay beneath him. Iris had felt like something of a fairy as they made love in the fortress she'd built with Christopher. The memory of the sun's warmth on her skin, and the feel of Jack inside of her that afternoon overtook the excruciating sensation of prickling cuts that was staking claim to her body at the moment. "How long do you think before we get there?" Iris asked.
"San Francisco is a much shorter drive," Rose said, "maybe two hours."
"Does Jack know we're coming?" Iris asked, sitting up in her seat and focusing intently on the road before them, as though it might bring them to their destination sooner.
"He wasn't expecting me for a few more days." Rose said smiling, "But you know how I love to stir things up a bit."
"That's why I like to be around you Rose." Iris said, "You're able to do the things I wish I could."
"C'mon." Rose interrupted, "Tell me who that first boy was back in Mintern."
Iris looked at Rose for a long moment, watching the twinkle in Rose's eye grow at the prospect that she was going to get some kind of an answer. Iris let out a long sigh. "Just some boy." Iris said, looking out of the passenger window again. After a moment Iris turned her head to face Rose again, to watch her profile as she drove on. "Maybe someday I can tell you about it, but not today."
"Did Justin know about it?" Rose asked.
"Yes, yes he did." Iris said staring out at the road again.
"What did he think?" Rose said falling into a more conversational tone.
"We didn't really talk about it." Iris said. "It's still uncomfortable for me Rose. I'd rather not think about it before seeing Jack. I want to be happy for him."
"You're right." Rose said, "I'm sorry. I'm just so, you're still such a mystery to me. I'll stop now."
"It's alright Rose." Iris said, reaching out a hand and resting it on Rose's thigh, "I want to know all about you too. In time, I think."
Iris stood in front of Jack's apartment building holding her suitcase and watching Rose drive off. Iris had insisted to Rose that showing up on someone's doorstep out of the blue wasn't quite her style, but Rose had insisted that Iris didn't have a style when it came to romance. Iris had agreed by the time that they arrived at his door that Rose's presence at such a reunion would probably be a bit awkward, though Iris wouldn't mind Rose's presence for anything. Iris had never been to San Francisco before; she turned a full circle taking in the buildings that shot straight up into the sky, with their ornate moldings and intricate carved pieces. The scenery reminded her a bit of St. Paul as far a cities go, but somehow it was less dreary, the buildings seemed prettier, more cared for.
Iris walked up the steps to Jack's door, and stood under the eave admiring the tall flowering tree that grew up from the sidewalk and hung its branches over a window on the second floor. Iris pushed the door bell and waited, staring at her reflection in the glass of Jack's front door. "Iris?"
Iris turned around quickly and saw Jack standing at the foot of the steps behind her. He was wearing a light blue sweater and holding a leash. Iris followed the lead with her eyes and saw that he was walking a very reserved cocker spaniel.
"Hi." Iris said, leaving her suitcase on the porch and walking down the steps to greet him. They stood in front of each other for a moment before they fell into a tight hug. Iris involuntarily let out a sigh of pain as Jack's arms squeezed across the fresh scratches down her back. They stepped back from the hug and stood taking each other in. Jack smiled at Iris and she felt a blush creeping up to her cheeks. She looked away and Jack grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her. Iris melted into the kiss letting Jack pull her closer to him, the leash around his hands quickly became tangled around the two of them and they almost toppled over.
"I thought you were taking my dog for a walk Jack?" A rasping voice called out from above them. Jack and Iris both looked up and saw an elderly woman leaning out of the second story window of the neighboring building.
"I did Mrs. Weatherby." Jack said, "I was just about to ring your door."
"I'll be down in a minute." The woman called back and disappearing into her window.
"Here." Jack said, handing Iris his house key, "Why don't you go ahead and let yourself in while I talk to Mrs. Weatherby for a minute."
Iris took the key from Jack and headed up the stairs. She opened his door and turned to get her suitcase. She stopped and watched for a minute as Jack handed off the leash to the diminutive old woman. He pulled her in close and kissed her on the forehead and she smacked him on the chest playfully before turning to spy a look at Iris. Iris smiled back at the woman and quickly grabbed her suitcase and stepped into Jack's apartment.
Iris left her suitcase in the entry way and the door ajar as she moved slowly down the hall. Jack's apartment was huge and the wood floors echoed her every step as she took in the framed pictures lining the walls. Men and women in ornate dresses and rich suits stared back at her from ottomans, or posed in front of painted backdrops of lakeshores in springtime. Iris caught herself counting the jewels on the arms of one of the women looking stoically at the camera.
"Aunt Ella." Jack said behind her.
"What?" Iris said.
"That is my Aunt Ella." Jack said, "That picture was taken when she was crowned Ms. Virginia I believe."
Iris nodded her head and continued to look around her.
"There's even more at the end of this hall, actual rooms, and upstairs, a bedroom and an office." Jack said laughing softly.
"I want to see all of it." Iris said walking quickly to the end of the hall into the living room. Iris stopped and looked back down the hall at Jack. "Your house is absolutely immaculate Jack." She said, before disappearing from view.
Jack closed the front door and headed into the front room. Iris was standing in front of his bookshelves reading the titles. She turned to face him, "I see you've got a copy of The Stranger next to your arm chair." She said, "Doing a little light reading?"
Jack smiled at her a blush coming to his cheeks. "I think you're the most handsome creature I've ever seen Jack." Iris said, walking over to him.
"I'm so happy that you're here." He said. "I've imagined this moment many times since we first met." Jack reached out a hand and stroked Iris's cheek. "But now that you're here I don't even know what to do with you."
Iris clasped his hand and pulled him with her toward the couch. "Why don't we have a seat?" she said, sitting down and pulling him down next to her. Iris immediately cuddled into Jack and he leaned back into the couch to accommodate her, stroking her back through her dress as she buried her face in his sweater. "I just want to stay like this for awhile if it's alright." Iris mumbled through the light blue fabric of Jack's sweater.
"Anything you want Angel." Jack said as he continued to stroke her back softly, and his breathing slowed.
They sat that way on the couch in silence until the light faded out completely and they were in total darkness in his living room. Iris crawled up his chest and began to kiss him. Jack moved his hands into her hair and pulled her onto his lap. They kissed sweetly in the dark, gasping occasionally into each other's mouths. Eventually they became so lost in each other's kisses that they fell onto the floor. "Let's go upstairs." Jack whispered into Iris's ear as he moved a hand up to her breast.
An electric charge went through Iris's body and she found herself arching up into him. Jack responded quickly by dropping his head to her collar bone and trailing kisses along the elegant protrusion of bone. Iris moaned underneath him and ran her fingers through his hair. "I can't." she said.
"What?" Jack said, lifting his head. "What's wrong?"
"I just, I can't right now." Iris said. She didn't want to lie, so she hoped a plaintive statement of fact would do the trick.
Iris felt Jack's body move away from hers and she reached out to pull him back. She heard a fumbling and suddenly the room was flooded with light. Iris squinted into the dim lamp for a moment before opening her eyes. Iris sat up looked at Jack unsure of what to say or how to hold her expression. Jack was giving her the interrogation stare and Iris dropped her head quickly. "Please don't look at me that way Jack." Iris said as she fidgeted with the hem of her dress. "It kills me inside, and I don't want to lie to you, but please let me just say no, and have that be that." Iris said, looking up at him.
Jack looked at her longer, probing her even further with his stare. "Don't you want to be with me?" Jack finally said, "We were both kissing the same person just now weren't we, here in this room, right there on the floor where you're sitting? Did I miss something?"
Iris stood up and straightened her dress a bit and sat back down on the couch. "Yes, I want you Jack. I just can't right now." Iris said closing her eyes and leaning back. Iris felt the weight of Jack's body as he moved to sit next to her on the couch.
"Is it because we're not married?" Jack asked.
Iris opened her eyes to look at Jack. "Is that an attempt at humor Jack?" Iris said.
Jack smiled at her, "Yes and no."
"What do you mean yes and no?" Iris turned into him.
"I know that's important to you." He said, reached behind her head and pulling out her hair pin. He raked his fingers through her hair so it fell down around her face.
"Oh, you do?" Iris said smirking at him. "What is this talk of marriage suddenly Jack?"
"I want to be with you." He said running a finger along the collar of her shirt. "I'll do anything to be with you."
"You sound like schoolboy." Iris said.
"On the contrary, Iris," Jack said, looking her in eye, "I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. I want you to live with me here. I don't want to spend another day apart from you."
Iris pulled away from him, and drew into herself. "You don't even really know me Jack." She said, nodding her head to herself, "You don't know what you're saying.'
"Yes, yes I do." Jack said moving closer to Iris. "Let's get married. Whatever it is, whatever secrets you think you have, whatever it is you think I won't understand. There is nothing that could change the way that I feel about you."
"That's a cruel thing to tell a woman." Iris said, drawing her features into a scowl. "You shouldn't say things like that."
"Iris," Jack said grabbing Iris's face in his hands. "What is it? Who was it that told you that you couldn't be happy?"
Tears began streaming down Iris's face. "Angel, what is it? Just tell me." Jack said wiping at the tears as they flowed.
Iris began sobbing in fits. She pulled away from Jack and slid down to the floor, crouching down and sobbing in great heaves. Iris looked up at him, her features trembling. "I do love you Jack." She said before letting out two more sobs. She wiped at her eyes with her hands. "I really do. I want to be with you more than anything."
"Then be with me." Jack said moving down to the floor and hugging her hard. Iris buried her head in Jack's neck and began kissing him again. Jack pulled away. "I don't understand."
"Just kiss me Jack." Iris said.
"Let's at least go upstairs." Jack said standing up and reaching out a hand to Iris and pulling her up.
"I can't Jack." Iris said bringing a hand up to her mouth.
"Just let me hold you," Jack said pulling Iris toward the stairs.
Iris let him lead her up the stairs to his bedroom. He went in ahead of her to turn on the lights, but Iris pulled at him. "No Jack, no lights."
"Why?" he asked pulling her into the dark room.
"I just don't want to be seen right now." She said, her voice breaking into fresh tears.
"Okay," Jack said, "No lights, that's fine."
Jack led Iris to the bed and pulled back the covers motioning for her to sit. Iris sat down slowly watched as Jack dropped to his knees in front of her. "Can I at least take your shoes off?" he asked. Iris offered up her feet and he quickly slipped her shoes off. Jack looked up at Iris from between her legs.
"Kiss me Jack." She said as she extended her arms out to him, Jack rose up between her thighs and kissed her forcefully, pushing her back onto the bed.