101 Attempts- Shopping
Title: Children Just Don't Like Shopping With Their Parents
A/N: And neither do I. This chapter is written from Cross's POV (so be prepared for swearing).
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"Master," (idiot) Allen complained, "please stop ramming the shopping cart into me."
(Emperor) Cross (McScumbag) Marian (the 3rd) pretended to cough and snickered into his elbow while crashed the cart into ten-year-old Allen Walker's little body. The boy yelped and tripped, falling to the floor face-first. As he got back up, Cross bumped the cart into his apprentice again. Allen pouted and got out of the way, glaring at his master poisonously. Cross coughed louder.
Instead of walking in front of the cart, Allen moved so that he was walking beside his master. It's more like he's light jogging, Cross thought as he compared their paces. Do I really walk that fast?
Deciding it would be funny to foil Allen's method of "staying safe," Cross feigned interest in the fruit stand and hit Allen from the side. Allen grit his teeth as he was nearly knocked over, settling for glaring at his master. He made another turn with the cart to hit him again, stopping in front of the mangoes *.
He stared at mango display and lifted one from the pile.
"Allen," he drawled, rotating the mango in his hands to inspect it. "Let's buy the whole goddamn stand."
There was a long silence from his apprentice. Cross looked to Allen for his opinion, and saw a stern expression on the boy's face. Allen glared up at him and then folded his arms, clearly disapproving of that idea.
"Che, I don't need your permission," he sneered, gathering the mangoes anyways and filling the entire cart with them. Another shopper tried to grab for one, but Cross shot him with Judgment and moved on as if that were completely normal. To the side Allen sighed, and then excused himself for the bathroom.
Ten minutes later when Allen didn't come back, Cross began to suspect that his apprentice hadn't gone to the bathroom at all.
Maybe I pushed that thing with the cart too far, he thought and scratched the stubble on his chin thoughtfully. He traveled further into the produce section of the grocery store for whatever had originally been on the shopping list.
Timcanpy peeked out from under Cross's hat and the general watched the golden golem drop down from his head and to his shoulder.
"Hey, Tim," he greeted. "You've been quiet for the past- what, fifteen chapters?" Cross turned around a corner and ran over a bunch of brats whose parents couldn't keep them in check. The parents yelled at Cross, but he thought they were to blame since they hadn't been paying attention to their kids. So he ran over the parents too and made sure to break a couple of their ribs.
Tim made a noise of approval at the violence.
"So what have you been doing?" he questioned, feeding the golem one of the unpaid mangoes. "I hope you're going to do something destructive in this chapter. The audience seems to love that shit. Especially when you do it to Allen," he added.
"Bitches love violence," Timcanpy growled in agreement.
Cross frowned. "You mean 'bitches love rainbows,'" he corrected the golem. "And by 'bitch' I mean Allen."
"Bitches love Allen?" The confused golem tried.
"No!" Cross exclaimed, grabbing Timcanpy by the tail and dangling him in the air. "No! Just… no!" he shook his head in disbelief. "No one loves Allen. And don't call the audience that; we're going to lose viewers."
Timcanpy floated back up but Cross kept a firm hold on the golden tail. It kind of felt like he was holding a balloon.
"Okay, well, don't call the ladies that; I don't care too much about the dirty bastards," ** Cross told the golem.
"Allen's a bitch, Allen's a bitch," Timcanpy went off to repeat the phrase like a mantra.
The mention of the name caused Cross to remember that his apprentice was currently missing. He tugged on the tail again to catch the golem's attention, and Timcanpy fluttered down to listen to what he had to say.
"Tim, go find Allen," Cross ordered.
"Find the bitch," Tim growled and floated off in Allen's direction. Cross followed the golem across the grocery store's produce section. Along the way he ran over the other customers and was yelled at several times by the store's employees, but he just ran them all over with his shopping cart of mangoes.
The golem lead him over to a large crate of melons. Cross's lips twitched when he saw one of the melons move on the pile and roll off of the top.
"Master, I can tell you're thinking perverted thoughts," Allen called from underneath the melons. "Stop it."
"You're surrounded on all sides by melons," he grinned, beginning the process of digging up his idiot apprentice. "Normally that would be a pleasant thing, no? If I were in your position… well, let's just say that-"
"STOP," Allen intervened. "No, master, no melon jokes. Now hurry up and get me out of here. You don't need to remind me about how pathetic this escape attempt is."
Cross huffed and muttered about how Allen was no fun.
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Incase You Missed It
Attempt: Hiding in the melon crate.
Foiled by: … Of course Cross wanted to look at the melons.
*A reference to lawlietlivesforever's story "When Cross Ruled." Go check it out :)
** Any male readers still out there… you've won my respect.
After you break the fourth wall, the only thing left to break is the floor and ceiling.
Well, I guess I'll just have to break that too.