Chapter 36: Homecoming

Rose's POV

I woke up and wasn't sure of where I was at first. The sun wasn't quite up yet, I could hear water, and I felt sand underneath me. Then I remembered I was at the beach with Lee. I was naked and the only thing covering me was his naked body. Remembering the events from last night sent a wave of guilt and confusion through me. I'd had sex with him. But I hadn't wanted him... and then suddenly I had. And what if Dimitri found out about this? I was still mad at him, but thoughts of Dimitri caused me to try to scramble for my clothes.

Lee held me down and kissed my neck. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know... I don't know why I slept with you..." I tried to get up again.

"Because you love me." Lee kept me down.

"I barely know you." I pointed out.

"Love knows no bounds." Lee said.

"I don't love you! I don't even lust you! I-" Realization suddenly hit me. "You compelled me. You made me feel synthetic lust."

"I only compelled you into the decision. You're the one who went from there." Lee admitted.

"I didn't want you! You compelled me! You-" A wave of nausea creeped over me. "You raped me..."

"I wouldn't exactly call last night rape. You enjoyed yourself." Lee snorted.

"You compelled me! My feelings weren't real!" I exclaimed.

"They were real." Lee growled and pulled me closer to him. "And that's what we'll feel for eternity."

"Speak for yourself." I tried to push him away from me.

"I am speaking for myself. And you. Once I'm turned back into a Strigoi, I'll wait until your baby's born and turn you. Then I'll wait until it's older and turn it too. We'll be together forever." Lee muttered.

The realization of what his words meant forced me into action and I tried harder to get away from him. We struggled, him having the advantage over me. I finally punched him and scrambled for my pants. He started pulling me back to him by my ankles.

"We'll be together forever, Rose." Lee grunted.

I pulled what I needed out of my pants and concealed it as I addressed him. "Why do you want us to be together?"

"Because I want you." He said.

"Wrong answer." I turned sharply and plunged my stake into his heart.

Lee's lips parted, probably trying to suck in air. "You staked me..."

"You raped me." I countered.

"You liked it..." He said with his dying breath.

I pulled my stake out, dropped it, and hugged my knees tightly to my chest. I'd been raped. And I'd liked it...

Lissa's POV

A sharp burst of sadness woke me up and I tried to tune into the bond. Rose's guard was down, but her sad emotions were so overwhelming that I couldn't clearly see what was going on. It was a complete blur. Then the bond suddenly changed. It wasn't muted or gone, but I couldn't feel Rose anymore. It was like she herself was numb, and not from alcohol. I felt panicked at what that meant all day.

"Liss, what's wrong? You're really freaking me out." Christian looked sincerely concerned.

"Rose was overwhelmingly sad. And then she wasn't. It's like she's numb, and not from alcohol use." I said.

"Well that's weird, but I don't really know what it means. I can't feel it, and I don't know too much about bonds in the first place." Christian said. "Maybe we should-"

I was going to ask why Christian was so quiet, but then I turned around and saw Rose. There was something... different about her. She didn't have her shoulders raised confidently and she wasn't walking tall. She gave off this sense of vulnerability that scared me.

"Rose!" I stood up and rushed to hug her.

She slowly hugged me back, remaining silent.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Rose wouldn't look me in the eyes and she didn't respond.

"Little Dhampir!" Adrian grinned and moved to give Rose a hug. "Great to-"

Before Adrian even reached her, Rose flinched and backed away.

"Hey, what's up?" Adrian arched an eyebrow.

Rose was practically shaking.

"Rose, what's wrong?" I asked.

She hadn't flinched that way when I'd hugged her. Christian moved towards Rose slowly. She didn't flinch, but she seemed wary of his presence. Christian reached out a hand to her and Rose reluctantly took it. Then she grasped him into a hug. It was so affectionate and unexpected that we all just started in shock.

"Christian..." Rose breathed.

Christian seemed a little confused himself, but he kept his arms around her. When he tried to move away, Rose pulled him closer. Christian let himself be hugged by her, probably worried about her.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Christian asked gently.

Rose started to sob and kept her head firmly planted against his chest. I decided that Rose needed some kind of help and signaled for Christian to bring Rose where I was going. When Christian was finally released of the hug, Rose still wouldn't let go of his hand. We sent her to see Deirdre—which caused an argument when we told her she should let go of Christian's hand—and left her in there for an hour before Deirdre came out, looking pained.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked.

Deirdre sighed. "It took a lot of coaxing, but... Rose was raped. She feels like it was somehow her fault."

"Rose was raped?" My jaw dropped and everyone else's followed. "Why would she think it's her fault?"

"Victims can come up with any number of reasons why it's their fault. I couldn't get Rose to tell me her reason." Deirdre said.

"Why... why did she reluctantly hug me, flinch away from Adrian, and bear hug Christian?" I asked.

"Honestly? Rape victims tend to feel dirty and guilty after their encounters, and they're a little distant. And she may have flinched away from Lord Ivashkov because she's nervous around men after what happened. And as for Lord Ozera..." Deirdre scrutinized him. "Are you two close?"

"I'm her best friend's boyfriend and we constantly banter. The few moments of peace we have are during desperate situations." Christian shrugged.

"She must feel close to you. If she's flinching away from other friends such as Lord Ivashkov and the Dragomir princess, but she's affectionate to you, it means she views you as someone she's close to. Someone she's safe with." Deirdre said.

"She feels safe with me?" Christian looked pleasantly surprised.

"You've probably proven yourself to her at some point. Rose probably knows you'd be willing to protect her if needed. And honestly? You don't seem like the pissy alpha male type that the rapist probably was." Deirdre shrugged.

Christian pondered that thought.

"And I do seem like that type to her? I've never shown an ounce of anger towards her—at least not in that sense." Adrian scoffed.

"It's not you specifically. It's actually rare for rape victims to immediately trust anyone other than family or in even rarer cases, a significant other." Sydney said—she'd followed us here.

"How do you know, Sage?" Adrian asked.

"Aside from me knowing all kinds of random trivia? My older sister was raped." Sydney said. "Can I go in and see Rose?"

"Why?" I asked.

"I might be able to help her realize it's not her fault. My sister used to think it was her fault too." Sydney said.

I wanted to be the one to help Rose, but I knew Sydney might actually be able to help better than I could. "Anything that can help Rose."

Rose's POV

I'd tried to keep myself numb after what happened, but that was difficult with so many emotional friends. Sydney walked in and sat next to me.

"Hey, Rose." Sydney said.

I ignored her in fear of breaking down.

Sydney grabbed my hand. "It's not your fault. My sister was in a situation similar to this, and it wasn't her fault either. The most important thing to remember is that it's not your fault."

"He only compelled me into making a decision. I did the rest." I sniffled.

"The rest wouldn't have happened if he hadn't compelled you. You have nothing to be guilty for. He's the one who betrayed your trust." Sydney insisted.

"I never should've gone to Palm Springs." I sobbed.

"It's not your fault." Sydney repeated as she gathered me into a hug.

I sobbed for a long time before finally leaving with Sydney. My friends gathered me into a group hug that made me nervous at first. Then I relaxed into it and let myself be happy that I was home.

A few hours later, Lissa and I were lying on my bed, her stroking my hair. Christian was sitting on the second bed. Dimitri suddenly burst into the room and came to sit next to me on the bed. Lissa kept a protective hold on me.

Dimitri looked afraid, but his voice was calm and gentle as he said, "Roza, I'm so sorry."

I felt the need to be close to him and grasped him into a hug. He'd always keep me safe.

"I promise I'll never leave you again." Dimitri whispered affectionately.

"Stay." I muttered and breathed in his scent.

"Stay." Dimitri confirmed.