Chapter Thirty Six

Esme

The house wasn't the same without Bella and Becca and neither was the family, at first they had been stunned to find out they were gone just like that but as I pointed out at least Bella had the grace to write to everyone and say goodbye which is more than we had done for her when we sneaked from Forks. Of course, Edward took this as a direct attack on him but the rest ignored his outburst instead reading their letters in silence.

"Well, I understand why Bella thought she had to leave, I just wish we had been able to wish her good luck. I hope we hear from her again, I like Bella."

Edward scowled at Carlisle and screwed his own short note up stuffing it angrily in his pocket,

"Well, I think she showed a lack of gratitude for all we did for her and her child."

"Her name is Rebekkah Edward."

He shot Rose a black look and stomped out but seconds later we heard the music from his room, much louder than usual, it made the ceiling vibrate

"Is that Edward's version of a temper tantrum?"

Alice giggled at Garrett's question but I just nodded slowly,

"I'm afraid so, Garrett."

Jasper

I knew Bella and Becca were gone before Esme told us, there was a dull ache in my chest and a feeling of loss that I couldn't throw off. Reading Bella's letter helped a little, but only a little.

Dear Jasper,

I'm sorry to leave this way but I didn't think I could face you to say goodbye. I want to thank you for your kindness to me and Becca. It seems you were there again, my guardian angel and Becca's too.

Love Bella.

Peter was silent as he read his then he gestured to me to follow him outside.

"Bella says she'll let Becca make up her own mind when she's older and asks me to respect her decision in the meantime. I guess that means I might as well go back to the ranch."

"I guess so but you know Becca will be drawn back to you when it's time."

"Yeah but the next few years are gonna be a real fucking bitch."

I nodded, I felt as abandoned as my friend but unlike him, I knew Bella would not be drawn back to me and I wished that were not true, I missed her so much.

"You comin' with me?"

I nodded, I couldn't bear the thought of sitting around here with all the reminders of Bella and Becca surrounding me and I knew they would be the sole topic of conversation for some time to come.

There was no fuss when I told them my decision, I think they all expected it and Peter and I soon returned to the ranch but even there reminders of Becca surrounded us, pictures and paintings on the kitchen wall, homemade toys scattered on the lounge floor and the small wooden pitchfork Peter had made her leaning against the wall in the stables. He spent his time staring across the paddock when he wasn't cleaning out or feeding the horses.

"Fancy a ride to the creek?"

He shook his head moodily,

"It'll only remind me of the picnics with Becca. I wonder where they are now. Do you think they're OK?"

"I don't know. I guess so or your radar would be pinging."

He turned to me,

"And you? Do you feel anything?"

I looked uncomprehendingly at him,

"Me?"

"Yeah you. Since we got back here all you've done is mope about and chew my ass off every few hours. Fuck we're a pair of fucked up vampires Major. Both in love with a human."

"Whoa! Speak for yourself my friend."

"Bollocks Major. Bella has you disappearing up your own tailpipe, why didn't you ask her to stay?"

"Why? I'm nothing to Bella and she's got, Becca. She doesn't need anyone else."

"Fuck me, you are thick sometimes. Don't tell me you didn't see the way she looked at you?"

"Peter, she's my brother's ex-girlfriend. A woman who lost her husband and everyone she ever cared about and wants to start a new life with her daughter. All the bad things that ever happened to her were because she associated with vampires. What makes you think she would want another in her life? Especially one with a reputation like mine and before you ask, yes I'm sure Edward has given her the highlights."

"Fuckin' ferret, I oughta rip his head off and cram it down his throat."

He was silent for a while after that outburst then he turned to me with a mischievous smile on his face.

"So, you aren't interested in Bella? You don't feel that nagging ache now she's gone? Your mind is clear and you know exactly where you are going from here?"

I opened my mouth to answer then shut it again as I realized the answer would only have him crowing.

"See, told you. Major you've got it bad and I can tell you it won't get any better until you take your dick in both hands and tell her."

He was probably right but it wouldn't be right to put Bella under pressure, she'd been through enough already and if she really did have feelings for me then she had fought them and won and I could hardly do any less. I missed Becca too, there was something about the child that drew me to her and she seemed to feel the same.

"I can't Peter. I'm wrong for her, I'll only bring her more grief."

"Well, suit yourself but I'm not gonna sit here like a sick puppy for the next fifteen years. I'm gonna trace them so I can keep an eye out. If she's a danger magnet like you say she might need me. You want me to take a message for you just in case?"

"You should respect her wishes and stay away Peter."

"I am, I won't make myself known to them unless they need help. You coming?"

I wanted to so badly it hurt but I shook my head, I was wrong for her, I was wrong for any girl as good and sweet as Bella.

One thing I had noticed was that Peter's eyes were still a muddy brown colour, he was still hunting animals at least part of the time and I asked him why. He shrugged bashfully,

"I just thought since I'd started I might as well carry on, it didn't seem right hunting humans while I'm with Becca."

"But you aren't with Becca now."

"I know that but since I will be I thought I'd better try sticking with animals mainly, it might win me Brownie points with her mom too."

His grin was almost boyish and I thought Bella might find that overwhelmingly appealing. If only I could look so young and innocent but then my past was much more bloody and horrific than Peter's, I really was the vampire of legend.

"Major, you believe your own press releases and remember who wrote them, the Mexican whore bitch."

How was it Peter always knew what I was thinking? He was right of course, Maria had turned me into the monster of nightmares called The Major and he hadn't seen the light of day for years but I worried he was still there, lurking in my subconscious and waiting for a chance to break through.

"You're much stronger than you think, he doesn't stand a chance against you."

"Who?"

"The Major, that's what worries you, isn't it? Would he have stayed here when there was a fight in the offing? Would he have played with Becca? Taken her for a ride on Star? Would he have let Edward get away with his shit? Get a grip and come with me, tell Bella what you feel for her."

I was more tempted than ever and for once Peter was making sense, The Major would never have done those things but Jasper Whitlock was scared that Bella might laugh in his face if he told her he loved her.

"You have to face your demons Major and Bella is the one. Hey, that'll make you my father in law, fuck me, I hadn't thought about that."

"You haven't got Becca yet Peter."

He grinned broadly and winked at me,

"Nope and you haven't got Bella yet but we will Major, trust me, we will."