So it's that time of the week where you get another chapter and I'm feeling slightly more giddy than usual. If you've watched today's E4 episode of Hollyoaks then you should know why, if not, then you better watch Channel 4's one tomorrow, it's a good'un!
This chapter has taken a bit of a time leap (so we're finally away from that weekend of a million chapters, praise the Lord!), and it's now the Wednesday, over a full week since Jason's first counselling session and moments before his fourth one.
Happy reading!
The rest of the week, as well as the first few days of the next passed in a similar fashion to the Monday, and Jason quickly found himself tiring of the repetitiveness of it all. Every evening he was at the deli, helping out Doug whenever he could, trying to avoid the hell that was his home.
Unfortunately the shop was often closed by half eight and Jason was left with little alternative but to go home, especially as he did have exams coming up, ones that he desperately needed to revise for.
However, there was very little studying actually happening at his house nowadays, what with the whole family breathing down his neck and giving Jason no privacy at all. Arguments fuelled every night, with not only Sandy, but the whole family trying to talk to him, to make him open up and tell them all his troubles.
When he refused... it could get quite messy. Sandy and Lindsey would simply throw him a disappointed look, tinged with sadness though they'd let him go, after telling him a million and one times that he could talk to them if he wanted.
It never escalated from that, and Jason wished they would show some other sort of reaction, not because he wanted to hurt them, not at all, but Jason wanted, no needed any sort of sign that he was finally winning.
He needed to see that they were giving up or even getting annoyed with him, because once they did, he knew he would be able to breath easy in the knowledge that he was beating them, though that day didn't seem to be getting any closer. He really did hate their god-damn optimism.
The others were a lot easier to play though, all ruled by their emotions instead of logic. From years of experience, Jason knew exactly what buttons to push to make them snap, and boy did he push them.
With every concerned word, every promise to help him and every worried gaze, Jason would reply with an equally devastating comment, watching on in sadistic pleasure as all four of his brothers ended up snapping each and every time.
They all had different limits and no reaction was the same to the other, it was pretty interesting to observe, Jason couldn't help but think as he made his way through the school halls to his next counselling session, hoping this one would be as painless as the last three were.
As he walked, hitching his bag further up his back, his mind fell back to the last few chaotic evenings, wincing internally as he remembered each of his brothers reactions to his own cruel, icy words with startling detail.
Robbie was the easiest to infuriate once Jason got started, though that wasn't really surprising. He'd always been hot-headed and just one wrong word would be enough to set him off nowadays. In fact, Jason's back was practically painted black and blue from the amount of times Robbie had ended up pushing him into a corner when they were alone, trying desperately to get through to Jason to no avail.
The marks couldn't help but concern Jason, his twin wasn't even pushing him hard, but it seemed every knock left a giant bruise on his pale skin, no matter how gentle it seemed at the time.
Deep down he knew exactly what was causing them, his body was so fragile it could no longer protect him and painful bruises popped up left, right and centre because of that, but Jason shrugged down the worrying thought, determined to keep his mind off of it, by focusing on the others.
Whilst Freddie and Joe were also ones to normally reply violently, they had surprisingly been doing a lot to keep their fiery tempers under control, to Jason's chagrin.
With every taunt and twisted word that he released, Jason could practically see his older brothers patiences become shorter and shorter, but they were yet to properly snap, though Jason knew he was close, and once they did, Jason knew there'd be no going back.
Every kind word they gave him, always ended up leading to a heated argument as Jason played his two brothers perfectly, and not even two nights ago, Joe had gotten this close to actually causing him some actual bodily harm, by violently throwing the family photo that was hung on the wall across the room, missing Jason's head by mere inches.
He hadn't been able to stop the delirious bubble of laughter rising through his body when he went to clean the mess away later that night.
There was only one crack through the photo and the placing of it was almost... poetic. The crack started off in the bottom left hand corner and was so placed, to almost separate Jason from the rest of his family and resembled his own alienation from the others perfectly.
His relationships with the others was splintering and falling away, just like the cracks of glass in the damn photo, but Jason knew he had to keep going if he ever wanted to reach his goal, to make them stop interfering in his life.
So far it wasn't proving to be easy, but Jason was a Roscoe and it was practically written in his genes to be stubborn as a mule, something that he would have to be if he wanted to succeed, especially with the remaining member of the family.
Ziggy was showing no sign of anger like the others did when he insulted them, and every little thing he said to Jason was full of support and promise to help him. It infuriated the school-boy to no end, as the middle Roscoe brother seemed to be no closer to snapping at Jason than he had a week ago, therefore not giving him the anger and shouts that he so yearned for.
Jason was worried about how far he'd have to go to get Ziggy to snap and declare him broken, for all his family to give up on him. He'd already said such dreadful things about them and used their own insecurities to try and destroy all bonds, but so far there was no luck.
He had even told the others that Freddie had threatened to kill him for Christ's sake! But his family were still determined to get involved and stick their noses in and the worst thing that had been done to him, was the time that Robbie punched him the previous Sunday, because the bruises that littered his back really weren't caused by acts of violence, but by his own body betraying him.
Jason didn't feel good about treating his family like he was doing, in fact it tore into his soul and kept him up at night, plaguing his nightmares when he eventually fell asleep. He hated hurting them how he was doing, hated treating them like absolute crap everytime they tried to help him but he knew he needed to.
They were convinced that there was something was wrong with him, something that they could fix, but they were wrong! He was going to be fine if they just butted out and stopped forcing that damn insulin into his system (he had gained almost six pounds since Sandy had started enforcing regular insulin injections when he was at home), but they were never going to do that, unless he did something to force them to.
They just needed a helping hand was all, and Jason knew he needed to provide that, otherwise they'd never butt out and let him do as he wished. It hurt, saying such vile things to them, but there was no other way to get them to leave him be, and he really needed for them to leave him if he was ever going to reach perfection.
Even if it meant losing them in the process.
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"So how have the last couple of days been since we last spoke been Jason?" Lola asked, passing a steaming mug of coffee to the younger boy as she spoke.
"It's been okay I guess," Jason said, smiling in thanks as he clutched the cup, hoping to warm his icy hands. "I have my first mock exam this Friday and the other two next week though so, it could be better."
"Ooh good luck. How much last minute cramming, uh, revision have you been doing?"
"A bit here and there, but it's probably not enough. I mean I do try to revise but it's all a bit hectic at home."
"I'm assuming this is family related?" Lola said and despite the serious undertone of her question, the older woman managed to keep her voice light and carefree, as if she was merely asking about the weather.
"They're just so interfering, I can't go anywhere without one of them popping their head around the door like five minutes later. And they say they're just checking on me or making sure I'm there, but they don't leave. They have to know absolutely everything I'm doing and it's just making me go crazy."
"You know they're just worried about you Jason, they're scared that something is going to happen and it's completely natural. If something had happened to one of your brothers you'd want to be close to them, make sure that nothing else did."
With the way that his family were currently acting around him, Jason would probably rather just watch them suffer. Not that he was going to say that.
"Yeah I guess, but they're just being over-dramatic."
"Jason they have every right to be worried about you. You're not willingly taking your insulin anymore, that isn't a healthy mindset to have and frankly anything could happen to you if you continue to not take it. You can't blame your family for trying to keep an eye on you and to make sure you don't do something you may regret."
Lola cut herself off when she saw Jason's grip on his cup stiffen, his eyes flashing dangerously. She knew she had to be careful, this was only his fourth session after all and it was an incredibly delicate matter. If she pushed it to far, then she would never be able to help Jason, but Lola knew she had to say some things that Jason would rather not hear.
Whilst it was important for Jason to trust her and tell her what was troubling for him, she also had to stop him from burying his head in the sand and actually start confronting his problems. Her job wasn't easy at the best of times, but it was moments like this when it was even harder.
She was literally balancing on a tight rope, trying to keep steady and knowing if she leant too far on either side, it could all be game over.
"Look, if it's really bothering you, why don't sit them down and talk to them about it. And if you don't want to talk to them all like that, maybe just pull your mum to one side. If she knows how uncomfortable their actions are making you feel, then they may stop or at least make it less obvious what they're doing."
"You reckon that would work?" Jason asked, his voice full of scepticism. "Have you met my family, they don't really do things by half."
"Okay, it may not completely stop them asking you what you're doing, but by talking to your mum something positive may actually come out of it. Your family don't want you feeling uncomfortable in your own home Jason or around them. So you tell them that what they're doing is off-putting, because if you can't study then it is, and they may be able to curb their actions at least."
"But I have tried that," Jason groaned, though he knew full well that telling his brothers to fuck off everytime they tried to talk to him was not what Lola had in mind."And everytime they say that they can't. That they need to make sure I take my insulin and that I don't do something stupid."
At that, Jason's fist began slightly throbbing, reminding him of just a week previous when he had punched the bathroom mirror. Although the bandages were now off his injured hand, his knuckles were still littered with cuts from the mirror shards and it still ached occasionally, though it was getting a lot better with every passing day.
"It's sounding like your brothers don't trust you."
"Well duh," Jason drawled, rolling his eyes though Lola gave no sign of annoyance. "I could have easily come to that conclusion myself."
"What I mean," Lola continued, a small smile sparking at the corners of her lips. "Is that they seem to be scared to trust you. In the past week, they've found out that you're not taking your insulin and there's been no time for them to sit down and let it all sink in.
"From what you've told me, every day seems to be fuelled with arguments and from what they probably see, is that you're not getting any better, so they're doing what they think is best.
"You're their brother and every instinct is screaming at them to protect you, but they don't know what from, because it isn't a physical thing. So they do what they can, which is not let you out of sight and try and get you to talk, though that's not going well. So they try harder and everything just repeats itself until it's one big, sad, sorry mess.
"If you do talk to them, you need to stay calm Jason. It's why I'm suggesting you talk to your mum alone about it, she has a bit more experience and it may be easier for you if it's just a one on one conversation."
"Yeah I'll think about it, but that could work."
"That's all I want Jason," Lola smiled, taking a sip from her quickly cooling drink and just praying that maybe, she was getting through to the frail boy in front of her.
Hope you guys all enjoyed this chapter!