Reflections

by evitascarlett

A companion piece to 'Apologize'. Chronicling the lives and love story of Jim and Johanna Beckett through the years. See Authors Note at the beginning of Chapter One for more details! Cover art by LordofKavaka

36. Chapter 36 -Something About Us

A/N: Thanks for your reviews.

Chapter 36 – Something About Us

Her best friend had been engaged for a grand total of two weeks…and she was already driving her crazy, Johanna thought to herself as she frantically searched the office for a file that Sharon had misplaced.

"What do you think of an autumn wedding?" Sharon asked while flipping through a stack of files.

"If that's what you want," Johanna replied; disinterest in her tone as she jerked open a drawer of the filing cabinet, making George the plant shake in the process.

"I think it would be different," her friend went on. "Everyone goes for a summer wedding and I don't know why."

"Because it's warm," she stated. "Could you look a little harder? Or better yet, just remember where you put my file."

"I don't know why you insist that I'm the one who misplaced it."

She was so not in the mood for this. "I insist because I clearly remember giving it to you. I asked you to type up my notes and make sure everything was in order and then to put it in the top left hand drawer of my desk…as always. But you didn't do that!"

"I thought I did."

"Well you didn't. You're too damn busy having your head in the clouds instead of doing your job," Johanna exclaimed tartly.

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is; if it wasn't, I'd have my file!"

"Maybe you misplaced it!"

Johanna turned toward her; her eyes blazing with irritation. "I gave it to you. You never gave it back. Therefore, you lost it and you better find it."

Sharon moved to the other file cabinet and began searching. "I was thinking a fall wedding because then I could use colors that aren't overused in weddings. I could get an orangish color for the bridesmaids dresses. What do you think?"

"I think that's fabulous if you're going for a pumpkin motif with your bridal party."

Her friend smirked at her and then turned thoughtful. "I could use pumpkins for the centerpieces…"

Johanna allowed her head to fall against the file cabinet. "Good grief."

"What?" Sharon exclaimed. "It would be cute! It would have an old timey feel to it. That would be so unique!"

"Sharon, if you think for one minute that I'm wearing orange calico, braiding my hair like Laura Ingalls and arriving to the ceremony via a hay ride; you've got another thing coming. Find my file!"

"I wouldn't go that far," the secretary remarked. "How about dark green for the dresses?"

"How about my file?"

"I'm looking for your damn file!"

"Hey, Sharon; that damn file is my job. I have to be in court in an hour. If I don't have what I need and lose my case, that's my ass on the line and when I get fired, you're getting fired too and then you really can have a homespun wedding."

"What's with you this week?" Sharon asked.

"I have a packed schedule and I don't have time for this. I need you to be focused and I need my file."

"And I'm telling you that I put it in your desk," the other woman retorted as she stormed into Johanna's inner office.

"I have been through every drawer of my desk five times," Johanna told her as followed behind her. "It isn't there. You had it."

Sharon went through the desk; frustration eating at her as she came up empty handed. "Maybe you took it home," she suggested.

"Sharon," Johanna said through clenched teeth. "How could I take it home, when I gave it to you!"

"If you gave it to me, I'd know where it was!"

"Never mind," Johanna yelled; "I'll find it myself."

"Go right ahead; but I bet you took it home."

She rolled her eyes as she sat down at Sharon's desk. A bridal magazine was lying open on the side of the desk and as she jerked open a drawer, she found another one. "Let's go look at dresses this weekend," Sharon suggested as she watched her friend rifle through the drawers.

"For what?"

"For the wedding!"

"Sharon, you've been engaged for two weeks; you don't need to shop for dresses yet!"

"I'm not buying; I'm just looking. Come on; let's go look at some on Saturday."

That was the last thing she wanted to do. She'd had her fill of bridal shops thanks to Colleen. "I can't this weekend; I have things to do."

"Like what?"

She thought frantically. "I'm babysitting Greg."

"Again?"

"Yeah; Frankie and Val have things to do."

"Can't your mom watch him?"

"She's busy."

"Doesn't Valerie have family?"

"He's in better hands with me."

Sharon sighed. "Well I guess we could take him with us."

"Oh I don't think he'd like that," she remarked as she pulled open the top left hand drawer of Sharon's desk and found her file. "And look what we have here…in your desk."

"I'm sorry; it was an honest mistake," her friend replied.

"Yeah; one that probably wouldn't keep happening this week if it wasn't for this," Johanna remarked as she picked up the magazine and took the other from its hiding place. "You're not here to read bridal magazines; you're here to manage my office and I expect you to do it! Look at that stack of files on your desk; how long are they going to lay there while you plan a wedding you don't even have a date for yet?"

Sharon took a breath and counted to ten before speaking. "I'll get the work done, Jo. I always do."

"It doesn't seem like it this week," she remarked; "And these magazines are going with me. I'll give them back at the end of the day and I don't want to see them here again. You better put a dent in that stack of files by the time I get back or there's going to be hell to pay; do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal clear," her friend said sharply. "Would you also like me to address you as Miss McKenzie during working hours since it seems as though you have no interest in friendship this week?"

"Sharon; don't go there," Johanna said firmly. "You know you're my friend; but you're also my secretary. You're not supposed to be neglecting your work; you're not supposed to be losing things."

"Okay; I've been a little distracted…but can you blame me? I'm getting married!" she exclaimed, a bright smile on her lips. "Phil's proposal was so romantic, it was…"

"I know," Johanna interrupted. "I know all about it, you told me…many, many times. I've got it firmly implanted in my brain. Let's skip the recap this time, okay. I have to get to court."

"You've got time. I can't help it that I'm inspired to start planning."

"You're jumping the gun. Shouldn't you just be enjoying the moment for now?"

Sharon frowned. "No; I'm supposed to be planning the next moment."

"When you spend so much time planning for the next moment, you miss the moment you're in."

"What do you know about it?" the secretary retorted; her temper getting the best of her.

Wrong response, Johanna thought to herself but she somehow refrained from responding to it. "I'm serious, Sharon. There better be a dent in that stack of work when I get back."

"It'll be taken care of."

"That's all I ask."

Are you sure we can't go look at dresses?"

"Positive. We can go to lunch though when I get back if you want."

"I'm on a diet! I have a wedding dress to fit into."

She sighed and headed back for her office to grab her purse and briefcase. "Then I don't know what to tell you. Skipping meals isn't going to get you anywhere…it just makes you bitchy."

"And you're the head bitch around here this week, right?"

Johanna glanced at her. "That's right; that's why my name is on the door and not yours."

That one stung a little but Sharon figured that she deserved it for that earlier shot she had taken at her friend.

"What's going on in here?" Phil asked from the doorway.

"My boss is unhappy with me," Sharon told him.

His gaze darted to Johanna, a slight hint of a sneer on his lips. "What's wrong, Jo; do you need a Midol?"

She glared at him. "Do you have business here?"

"Only with my fiancée."

"Make it fast; she has a ton of work to do."

"Don't tell me what to do," Phil retorted. "Why don't you go take that pill?"

"I don't need a pill."

"Then go ask Jim to take you to a hotel somewhere and cure your mood that way."

"You're not cute," she told him as she doubled checked to make sure she had everything.

"Neither are you; and don't let me hear you taking that tone with my fiancée again."

"Stay out of my office and you won't have to worry about it," Johanna replied.

"Stop," Sharon yelled. "Phil; I'm sure Jo has her reasons for being in a mood today; hell I've taken plenty of mine out on her, it's just what we do. Let it go. Jo; I'll get the work done and I'll call you tonight to talk about the stuff that isn't work related, okay?"

"Fine," she said with a nod; making a note not to hurry home that evening. "I'll see you later."

Johanna was relieved as she made her way up the hallway to the elevator. She loved her best friend but there was an overload of feelings swirling within her and she wasn't quite sure what to make of it all. All she knew was that she didn't want to deal with any of it at the moment.

"What's her problem?" Phil asked as he sat down in front of Sharon's desk.

"I don't know what's gotten into her this week," she replied. "She's just moody."

"Maybe it's what hasn't gotten into her."

"Phil," she chastened.

"Well," he laughed; "You've said it yourself."

"I don't think that's the issue."

"No; I guess not. The real issue is that she's jealous. You're getting married and she's not…and with that attitude problem of hers, I can see why she's not."

"Stop it," Sharon said firmly. "She's not jealous; she's just got something going on that she hasn't told me yet."

"Yeah; something that conveniently started at the same time we got engaged. Come on, Sharon; you're not dumb, you know she's jealous. You don't have to make excuses for her. You don't have to take care of her."

"I don't."

"You do…and it doesn't do her any favors."

"Look; what goes on between Johanna and I is our business. We'll work things out like we always do. Now go do your own work and let me do mine; I don't need anymore trouble today."

He gave her an indulgent smile and then walked around the desk to kiss her. "Good luck with the boss lady."

"We'll be fine," Sharon smiled; but she wasn't really sure that was true. Johanna was being distant…she wasn't being herself and it hurt in a way. She didn't know what was going on; and she had a feeling it wouldn't be easy to find out what it was.

---

That evening, Jim paid the delivery man and then carried the pizza he had ordered into his kitchen. Johanna had set the table and was in the process of grabbing two bottles of beer from the fridge. If she was forgoing her Coke in favor of having a beer with him, then she must've had a long day, he thought to himself as he sat the pizza on the counter and opened the lid.

"That smells good," Johanna said as she picked up a plate and moved in his direction.

"Looks good too," he replied. "How many slices do you want?"

"Two."

Jim pulled two slices from the box and laid them on her plate. She set it back on the table and grabbed his plate so that he could lay two slices on it as well.

"Beer tonight?" he commented as he watched her try to open hers.

"Long day," she responded. "There's less chance of a headache if I drink a beer; I'm rarely ever inspired to have a second one."

"That's because you're a lady of refined tastes," Jim said with a smile as he reached across the table and took the bottle from her hand and uncapped it for her.

"Thank you," she replied as he handed it back.

"You're welcome. I kind of figured you must've had a long day...but you've seemed kind of quiet the last few days."

"My schedule has been packed," Johanna stated. "I'm tired and a little stressed...but I didn't feel like going home yet tonight."

"Do you think I'm complaining?" he asked warmly.

"No," she laughed.

They were quiet for a few minutes as they took a few bites of their pizza. "I thought maybe Sharon was part of the problem this week," he commented; bringing her focus back to his face as she took a sip of beer.

"Oh she has her role in it," she remarked. "I've been meaning to ask you something."

"What?"

"Did you know that Phil was going to propose to Sharon?"

"Not until it was too late."

"Too late?" she asked.

"Too late to warn you," he clarified after swallowing a bite of his pizza. "Phil didn't tell me because he figured I'd tell you; which of course I would have; and he figured if I told you, you'd tell Sharon; so we both got left out of the loop."

"Then how did you find out?"

"Jeff told me."

"Phil told Jeff?"

"Yeah; and Jeff didn't get around to telling me until the day after Phil was to propose and by then I figured you had probably already heard about it."

"Jeff's usually better about passing on important gossip," Johanna replied.

"I know but you know that he and Maggie have been in their disgusting love bubble since Valentine's Day."

"Yeah, I noticed," she said with a slight hint of disgust.

"So..." Jim said after a moment.

"So what?"

"Is Sharon's engagement bothering you?"

She sighed; in some ways it was. It wasn't jealousy...but she wasn't sure what to classify it as. There was a part of her that just wanted to put herself in a bubble and ignore it. There was another part that was internally cringing at the thought of wedding planning mania. There was a part of her that felt like she was losing her best friend. She felt so many things...and she didn't have a name for it. She hated that. She also hated that she felt wrong for feeling whatever the hell it was that she was feeling.

"Jo," Jim said; breaking her reverie.

"Hmm?"

"Is it bugging you?"

She shrugged. "It's hard to explain. On one hand, no, it doesn't bug me; on the other it does."

"Why?"

"I don't know...I guess I just know what's coming and I hate the thought of it."

"What's coming?"

"Wedding planning...crazy bride...dress shopping," she sighed. "Do you think Jeff could go ahead and propose to Maggie and then I could get all of the dress shopping done at once?"

Jim smiled. "Don't tempt him."

"Why not? Then we could get it all done at one time. Maybe they could have a double wedding; then there's only one event to go to and then we're done. They can all say I do together; we can eat and get drunk; come home and move on."

"Are you going to propose to me again after Sharon's wedding?"

"You just can't let that go, can you?" she asked as she tore off a piece of crust from her pizza.

"It was a memorable occasion."

"There won't be a repeat."

"That's a shame," Jim replied. "Now I'm not looking forward to the reception as much."

"I'm sorry to rain on your parade."

"That's okay; I'll still come out a winner in some ways since we'll be there together."

Her brow rose. "We're going together?"

His gaze flicked to hers. "Of course; why wouldn't we?"

"Oh I don't know; maybe because there isn't even a date yet and you haven't asked me?"

"I didn't think I needed to officially ask you; I mean I figured it went without saying that we were going to go together."

She nodded. "I see."

"You want me to ask you?" Jim asked. "I didn't have to ask you to go out for Valentine's Day...I just came to the door and we went."

"We went to a movie," Johanna laughed.

"We ate at the diner too!" he exclaimed. "I brought you flowers and candy. It was a well rounded evening. I thought you enjoyed it."

"I did, honey," she said; softening her tone. "I enjoyed it very much."

"But you still want me to ask you to the wedding?"

Johanna shook her head. "We'll say that you asked in a unique new way and that I accepted. It's a date, don't be late."

He smirked at her. "You're a poet and don't know it."

Johanna laughed. "Maybe I shouldn't be sipping the beer after all."

He scoffed. "You haven't sipped enough to be affected yet. Now what has you upset this week?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "Like I said; it's hard to explain."

Jim studied her for a moment. "Are you jealous?" he asked gently.

Her temper flared at that hated word. "No, I'm not jealous!" she remarked tartly. "Why does everyone automatically leap to that conclusion?"

Jim shrugged. "I don't know; because it seems logical. It's okay if you are in a small way. Isn't that how you girls are? You get a little jealous when someone gets something before you do?"

She eyed him coolly. "I can't believe you just said that."

"What? What's wrong with it? It's true, isn't it?"

"No; it's not true! I'm not jealous. I'm glad she found someone to marry."

Jim gave her a slight smile. "Sweetheart, that doesn't exactly sound like a nice sentiment."

"That's because you made me mad."

"I didn't mean to make you mad. I wouldn't judge you if you are. It's not so terrible; everyone feels jealous sometimes."

She arched a brow at him. "Yeah; you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

He frowned. "Let's not go down that road, Jo."

She picked up her pizza and took a bite; allowing the conversation to drop.

"If it's not jealousy, what is it?" he asked.

"I don't know," Johanna sighed. "It's just...weird or something. Things just don't feel quite right at the moment."

"With you or with Sharon?"

She shrugged. "Both?"

"Did you have a fight?"

"No; it's just...I don't know. I just feel like things are different."

"Because she's engaged now?"

"It's more than that."

Jim exhaled heavily. "Jo, you're not making much sense tonight."

She glanced at her plate. She didn't really think that she wasn't making much sense...he just wasn't hearing her the way he usually did. Maybe he didn't understand. Maybe she was just out of sorts. Maybe it was just one of those things that couldn't be shared; maybe it had to work itself out. She frowned; she hated those things that seemed like they couldn't be shared. Talking about it usually helped...but not when people jumped to conclusions and looked at you with eyes that didn't comprehend how you were feeling. Jim was usually good at understanding her but tonight it wasn't working out that way.

"Maybe we should talk about something else," Jim said as her silence lingered between them.

Johanna forced a smile to her lips and nodded. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Are you going out tomorrow night?"

She shook her head. "Probably not. I don't really feel like indulging in the bar scene this week."

"You didn't feel like going out last week either," he replied.

"Apparently neither did you; you were at my door early in the evening...you couldn't have had more than one drink."

"I wasn't having a good time. I missed you."

Her smile was more genuine this time. "I was glad to see you. Are you going out tomorrow?"

Jim shook his head. "Probably not. I have to go to Long Island on Saturday and pick up some things for my dad."

Long Island, Johanna thought to herself; her aunt Bridget lived there. Bridget had always been her confidant when it came to those things no one else understood. Maybe she just needed to go see her. Bridget would understand; she would help her work through it and get back on track.

"Are you going alone?" she asked just as Jim was about to speak.

"Do you want to go?" he asked.

She shifted in her seat; feeling a little awkward about inviting herself along. "If it wouldn't be any trouble. My aunt lives there and I'd like to see her...that is if you have time for that?"

Jim smiled. "Of course I have time. I'll drop you off with your aunt while I run my errands. That ought to give you a few hours. I didn't plan on hurrying."

"You're sure?" she asked.

"Positive; I'll be glad to have you along for the drive."

"When do we leave?"

"Not too early," he told her. "I was thinking about leaving around eleven Saturday morning; it should be a little warmer by then. We'll get there around noon or a little after."

"I'll be ready," she smiled.

---

Late Saturday morning, Johanna sat in the passenger seat of Jim's car and watched the scenery pass by the window.

"Are you warm enough, Jo?" Jim asked; his gaze flicking toward her for a brief second.

"Yes; I'm fine."

"Then it's okay if I turn the heat off for awhile?"

"Yeah," she laughed. "I don't think I'll freeze. We're almost there anyway."

"You'll have to tell me where to turn to get to your aunt's house."

"I will," she assured. "Thanks for bringing me."

"It's not a problem. I was coming out here anyway."

"What is it that your Dad can only get out here?" she asked.

"It's not that he can't get these things in the city," Jim answered. "It's the fact that he has a friend out here that used to own an auto shop. Carl retired last year but his basement and garage is still full of inventory. He gives his friends good deals. Dad wants to give Mom's car a complete tune up and replace some things. Since she insists on staying in the past with her 61 Buick, Dad tries to shop around so it doesn't cost him a fortune to keep up with it. Of course I also have a list in my pocket of things he wants for his own car from Carl. I'm just picking up small things; spark plugs, wires, belts and hoses. No major parts that I know of."

Johanna nodded in understanding. "How come your Dad didn't come? I would've thought that he'd want to shoot the breeze with his friend for awhile."

"He had planned on it but then this banking meeting came up at the last minute. Carl and his wife are leaving Monday to spend a month in Florida with their son and his family so Dad asked if I'd come out and get the stuff he wants."

She smiled. "You're his right hand man."

"When I was a kid, Mom used to say that I was his shadow."

"I can imagine that," she said with a soft laugh. "You're a daddy's boy."

Jim laughed. "That's better than being a mama's boy."

"That's true," she grinned. "You need to turn on this second street on the right and then keep going straight. I'll tell you when to turn next."

Jim followed her instructions and then turned the conversation to her. "I think you mentioned before that you spent a lot of time out here in the summer when you were growing up."

"Yeah; I did. My parents always dropped us off here for a few weeks in the summertime. Bridget's kind of like my aunt and second mother rolled into one. I spent a lot of time out here during breaks from college. I didn't like living with Dad anymore than I had to once I was of age."

"I don't blame you for that. Does your aunt have children? I know you have cousins but I don't know who belongs to whom."

"Yes; she has six kids; Derek, Keith, Morgan, Cindy, Holly and Ben."

"Guess she had her hands full when you and your siblings were added in," Jim commented.

"Yeah; nine of us altogether but she never seemed to mind…somehow she managed to keep everyone in line and under control without spoiling anyone's fun. It's just a good thing that she has a big house…although all of us girls seemed to camp out in one room and the boys camped out in one…usually to plot whatever they were going to do to us."

He laughed. "Brothers always have to concoct a battle plan."

She smiled wistfully. "We always had a good time out here…those times are among my best memories growing up. Take the next turn on the right and then go straight; we'll be on her street then, I'll tell you where to stop."

Jim followed her instructions and turned down the road she had indicated. He dropped his speed so that he'd be ready to stop when she said the word. "That brick house on the left," she stated, pointing at the home in the distance.

When Jim pulled up in front of the house she had pointed out, he thought that 'brick house' was an understatement. It was more like an estate. The elegant looking two story brick home was large as she had said…but in his opinion it was more like a mansion. In fact he was sure mansion was probably the best word for it. He glanced to Johanna and caught her eye. "I take it your aunt is a wealthy woman."

Her lips curved upwards in a smile. "She married into money; Uncle Will is a very wealthy man; but also a kind, loving man as well."

"The money shows," Jim laughed as he glanced at the house.

"They might have a gorgeous home but they don't flaunt their wealth in people's faces," Johanna remarked. "They're very down to earth, normal people. Hell, Bridget enjoys shopping at flea markets and second hand book stores."

"I didn't mean any offense," he replied; giving her leg a gentle pat.

"I know you didn't; I just didn't want you to think they were stuck up because they're not in any way."

"I believe you, sweetheart."

"When will you be back?" she asked.

"I'll be a few hours, Jo. Carl's a talker so I'll be awhile there…while I'm there I may as well look and see if there's anything I want for my car. Then Andrew asked me to go to this store out here that Carl recommended for car paint; his Mustang has a few scratches he wants to take care of…and Michael said while I was here I may as well get him some too…I might as well get me some too; my car has a few scratches too."

She laughed. "You boys and your cars."

Jim smiled. "Yeah, it's kind of like you women and your shoes."

"Now just what is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," he said with a shrug. "Just that I noticed that you have on a new pair of boots again…"

Johanna glanced down at her boots. "It was necessary."

"I'm sure it was," he scoffed in amusement. "I was under the impression that you preferred suede boots though."

"I do; but it's hard to keep them clean with all the snow and slush this year so I figured I better get a leather pair."

Jim nodded; amusement lurking in his eyes. "Well in that case it really was an emergency and the purchase is totally justified."

"Shut up!" she laughed.

"Was the new coat an emergency purchase as well?" he asked; looking over her new white coat, which had fur trim around the collar and the cuffs. "I bet that cost you enough."

"It's not real fur," she told him; "And I bought it because I liked it and it was on sale."

"Look at that; sale item; another justification for your shopping madness."

"You mean the same madness you'll be having later when you're trying to find an exact match of paint for your little Camaro here to cover up those tiny little scratches that just drive you up the wall because they're marring your baby?"

He looked at her. "She can hear you, you know."

She laughed. "Really?"

"Yes; and she's sensitive. You tell Renee you're sorry."

"What if I don't?"

He gave her a mischievous grin. "She might convince me to let you walk home. You better tell her you're sorry."

"I'm sorry, Renee," she laughed.

"I'm not sure that was a sincere apology but I'll convince her it was," he remarked; earning himself another laugh.

"And you talk about me for naming a plant."

"You also talk to it."

"You talk to your car."

"Okay, we're even," Jim replied. "No more cracks about George and Renee…unless absolutely necessary."

"Deal," she giggled.

"By the way, getting back to your coat; Melanie was complaining the other day that she wanted to get a coat like that and now she can't because you have one and she isn't wearing the same thing as you."

Johanna smiled. "My heart bleeds for her…and now I'm even happier that I bought this coat."

"I thought that would make your day."

"It did," she assured. "I better get going so you can get your stuff done. I'll see you in a little while."

"Does she know you're coming?"

"No; but I'm sure she's here."

"I'll wait and make sure," he told her as she opened the door and got out.

Johanna walked up the sidewalk to her aunt's home and stepped up onto the porch while Jim idled in front of the house. She knocked on the door and waited; feeling Jim's gaze from the car. Finally she heard the lock release on the door and a moment later her aunt appeared in front of her, a bright smile on her face. "My bonus child," Bridget exclaimed; reaching for her niece and pulling her into a tight hug before she could even get in the door.

"It's good to see you too, Aunt Bridget," she replied; managing to turn enough to give Jim a wave. She could see him laughing as he put the car in gear and she was sure that he had enjoyed watching the enthusiastic greeting she had received.

"Who was that?" Bridget asked.

"My friend; I caught a ride with him. I wanted to see you."

"Well get in here and see me then," her aunt exclaimed; pulling her into the house and shutting the door. "Come into the kitchen, dear. I just put a ham in the oven for dinner and I was getting ready to take a break," Bridget said as Johanna hung up her coat and purse.

She followed her aunt into the kitchen and took a seat on one of the stools positioned around the large island in the center of the floor. "Would you like a cup of tea to warm you up?" her aunt asked.

"That would be nice," Johanna answered.

Bridget smiled. "Lucky for you, I already had water on to boil. You won't have a long wait."

"I wouldn't mind if I did."

"Your friend could've come in; I wouldn't have minded."

"He has some errands to run for his father," Johanna told her. "He'll be back in a few hours."

"What brings you to my door today, sweet pea?" Bridget asked; sensing something was up with her niece.

She smiled; not fazed in the slightest by the usage of her aunt's nickname for her. "Do I have to have a reason to visit my favorite aunt?"

"No; but I figure if you just wanted to chat that you would call. I am glad to see you though, darling; I don't see you nearly enough lately. Now tell me what's wrong."

Her niece laughed softly. "You always know when something is bugging me."

Bridget nodded as the tea kettle whistled. "That's because you and I are birds of a feather; we flock together."

A small smile remained on her lips. "When I was a kid; I'd save up all of those little things that bugged me or hurt me…those petty little things that Mom and Dad were always telling me to ignore or get over. I'd save them all up for when I saw you…and then we'd have our special talks and I'd tell you about all of them…and you always understood. It didn't matter how silly or how old the grievance was; you always understood and you always made me feel better about it."

Bridget finished preparing their mugs of tea and she carried them back to the island, sitting Johanna's down in front of her before she took her own seat on one of the stools, angling herself so that she could face her niece. "And I'll still understand, sweet pea; but first you have to tell me what's on your mind."

Johanna took a long sip of the soothing hot tea. "Sharon's getting married," she finally stated.

"I see," her aunt said; a compassionate note in her voice. "How do you feel about that?"

She sighed heavily. "Not the J word. Everyone is quick to accuse me of being jealous but I swear I'm not."

"I didn't think that you were. A jealous person doesn't usually look so concerned about what she's feeling. Jealous people spend their time being mean and petty…they don't catch a ride and go an hour away to find someone to discuss their troubles with."

"I wish you'd explain that to a few people," Johanna replied; her hands wrapping around the warm mug in front of her.

"Make me a list and I will," Bridget told her. "People are quick to use jealousy as an explanation for someone's behavior because they can't understand the depth and nature of the true feelings that person is experiencing."

"That's so true."

"So how are you feeling about Sharon getting married?"

"I don't really know how to explain it," she said; her shoulders slumping. "I'm happy for her; really I am, but…"

"But what?" her aunt asked as she stirred her tea.

"I feel kind of…sad, I guess."

A sympathetic smile crossed Bridget's face. "That's okay, you know."

"How can it be okay?"

"Because she's your best friend and things are changing now. It's a natural feeling to have. Don't feel badly about it."

Johanna stared down at the liquid in her mug. "I kind of feel like things have already been changing. I feel like she's been changing."

"How so?"

"It's just that sometimes she doesn't act like herself…"

"Oh," Bridget said as she read between the lines. "You're seeing changes that hint at the fact that 'someone' is influencing her thoughts and opinions."

"Yeah…and I'm not sure it's in a good way."

"That happens sometimes," Bridget said as she got up from her seat and moved to the counter. She took a plate down from the cupboard and then pulled the cookie jar forward and opened it; extracting some chocolate chip cookies and putting them on the plate. She set the treats on the island, within easy reach of Johanna and herself. "Some women are susceptible to taking on the thoughts and opinions of their significant other. Now gals like us, we can fall in love with a man and remain true to ourselves. We're too brassy to be brainwashed."

"That's good to know," Johanna said with a laugh.

"You and Sharon have known each other for a long time."

"Since we were seventeen."

"It's always hard when a friend you grew up with marries first."

"We didn't grow up together."

"Sure you did," Bridget insisted. "You were just young girls. You thought you were grown up but you weren't. You came together at a pivotal time in life. You spent those last days of childhood together. You took those first steps out into the real world together. Together you learned how to be women. You went through first loves and heartbreaks, first jobs, college, graduations. You became a lawyer and she came along as your secretary. You've been like sisters."

Johanna nodded. "Yeah, we have been. Sometimes she was more my sister than Colleen…and I've already lost my sister."

"Colleen hurt you badly with her behavior; she changed…she became a person that isn't very becoming."

"It's like I'm not really a part of her world anymore. We see each other sometimes but we're not close anymore and I guess that's partly my fault but she's the one who pushed me away first."

"And now you feel like Sharon's leaving you too," Bridget stated.

"Yeah…I guess I do. It's going to be different…it already is."

Her aunt nodded. "You're right, it will be different…but that's how it's supposed to be."

"I know," she said softly. "But it's…kind of hard to think about it, you know. You get used to having that one person that you think you can always rely on and that you're always going to go through things with at the same time and then suddenly it's not that way anymore."

"Yes; I know the feeling," Bridget said; reaching out to pat Johanna's wrist. "My best friend Cathy got married before I did and it was sometimes a hard adjustment to make, knowing that she wasn't going to have as much time for me anymore. It is a sad feeling; and it's okay to feel that way. It's a process that everyone goes through. On one hand you're happy for her; glad that she found the person she wants to spend her life with and on the other hand, you wonder where you'll fit into her life now that she has someone else to lean on. We all go through it, sweetie."

"I feel bad about it though."

"You shouldn't. There's nothing wrong with feeling a little sad about things when they're changing. You've had it rough for the last year, kiddo. First it was Colleen and your mother driving everyone crazy with that damn wedding…and you took the brunt of the craziness as they harassed you about your love life. Then your grandfather got sick…," she said, trailing off as her eyes misted at the mention of her father. "And I know that was a hard time for you, Johanna. It wasn't easy for you to do what you did but you gave him comfort in his last days and I know you took his passing hard. I know that you also had to bear the brunt of your father's anger and grief. I heard from you and from your mother that you distanced yourself from the family a few times…I even heard that you took off for two weeks with barely a word to anyone about it."

"How did you find out about that?" Johanna asked.

"Your mother; she called while you were away and asked if I had seen you. She was worried that you hadn't told Valerie where you were going. She was hoping that you came here like you usually do. I told her that if you were looking to hide, you wouldn't come here. It would be the first place she'd look."

"I wasn't hiding," Johanna remarked. "I was rebelling."

Bridget nodded. "Yes; I heard in a follow up phone call that you rebelled with a two week road trip with a man that your mother says you're smitten with."

She raised her mug in salute. "It was a hell of a good time."

Her aunt laughed. "Good for you, sweet pea. I'm glad you had a good time. Now what was this man's name?"

"Jim."

"And who dropped you off today?"

"Jim."

"I'm sensing a trend," Bridget commented. "Tell me all about Jim."

She complied without the usual hemming and hawing; knowing that Bridget wouldn't judge or blab to the world.

"Sounds like a nice man," her aunt commented.

"The best," she stated.

"So…"

"So what?" Johanna asked.

"Where are we in the feelings meter with him?"

She laughed. "Do you really need to ask? Everyone claims it's so obvious."

Bridget's green eyes twinkled. "I'd be lying if I said you don't get a certain glow about you when you talk about him. But I have always been one for clarification; are we still in smitten territory or past that?"

She sighed. "Past it…"

"Ah…so were trucking down the lane of love?"

"You could say that."

"Hmm; then why aren't you two an item?"

Johanna scrubbed her hands over her face. "It's complicated."

"Why?"

"Because…we're not really ready yet."

Bridget frowned. "Why the hell not?"

"I guess we're both kind of afraid…we've both had bad relationships and we worry about blowing it and ruining what we already have."

"So you have talked about being more?"

"In a round about way," she told her.

Bridget arched a brow. "Round about way?"

She gave her a brief synopsis of their conversation in North Carolina and then fell silent; picking up her mug and taking a few sips of her tea.

"So you're waiting on some day?"

"Pretty much."

Bridget sighed. "Where did I go wrong with you, child?"

Johanna shrugged. "I'm sure Mom wonders that same thing at least twice a week. I don't mind waiting for him to be ready…we have a comfortable relationship."

Her aunt eyed her. "You're willing to wait…which means you're ready for more despite the fear."

"Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not."

"Life is like a tennis match, Johanna. It's a lot of back and forth; eventually you have to stand still and wham that damn ball over the net."

"Rough tennis lesson this week, Bridget?"

The older woman laughed. "That's beside the point, smart ass. Just how cozy is this relationship? You'll never get to some day if you're letting him test drive the merchandise."

"Bridget!"

"Well!" her aunt exclaimed. "It's the truth; now tell me…are you allowing test drives?"

"It depends on your definition of test drive," Johanna replied.

"Has he just kicked the tires or have you let him look under the hood?"

Johanna had to spit her tea back into her mug to keep from choking on it. "I don't even know how to answer that!" she said incredulously.

"Really? You're such a smart girl, I didn't think I'd have to be blunt but since you insist. Are you fooling around or are you sleeping with him?"

"I'm not sleeping with him," she answered.

"But you're fooling around with him?"

Johanna hung her head in defeat. "Kind of…"

"Kind of?"

"Okay; a little."

"A little?"

"Once in awhile," she finally admitted. "We don't let it go past a certain point. Are you happy now?"

"Nope," Bridget remarked. "I feel the need to repeat that you'll never get to some day if you're giving out free test drives…even if you haven't left the lot."

"I thought we were talking about Sharon?"

"We'll get back to that. Sounds like you have a lot going on in this area with your special friend."

"We're fine."

"For now," Bridget remarked; "But you know, once you get into that pattern of fooling around; you tell yourself that you can push a little further each time because you'll stop before it goes too far…and then one night you forget to stop. Trust me, I know…that happened to me and your Uncle Will."

"Oh boy," Johanna muttered; "I don't know if I want to hear this. Where is Uncle Will anyway?"

"He's in the city on business but he'll be home later and rest assured that I wasn't going to taint your mind with details."

"Good," she laughed.

Her aunt turned serious. "If you have feelings for this man, then tell him sometime soon. You're both denying yourselves by being too afraid to leap into the unknown. You don't know if it will work until you try…and I know you want to try. I can see it in your eyes."

"It's not as easy as everyone makes it seem."

"Leaving your comfort zone never is; but I'm sure there's something about the two of you that makes you think it can work…that's why you're being so cautious and careful with it. If you thought it was doomed from the beginning, you wouldn't be so worried."

She sighed. "Maybe things will change one day soon…if it does; hopefully it'll work out but I'm just not ready to push yet."

"Okay, sweet pea," she said; patting her hand. "You'll know when you're ready. Let's get back to Sharon. What else has you upset?"

"It's not really something that upsets me; it's something that annoys me."

"What is it?"

"How quickly the crazy bride switch gets flipped when the ring goes on the finger. She's already talking wedding plans! The ring has even left a mark on her finger yet! I can't stand it…I just hate wedding planning. I know, it sounds terrible; but after the experience with Colleen, I just don't know if I can go through it again."

Bridget laughed. "I can't say that I blame you. If I was in your shoes, I'd be wanting to run the other way too. There's nothing worse than a bride who flips her crazy switch. Just lay low and try to do your best for now; maybe she'll calm down."

"God I hope so; I'd hate to have to hit her. I keep having flashbacks to the year of Colleen…it's not a happy thought."

"We'll pray that Sharon calms down after the newness wears off and just so you know, you don't have to feel badly about feeling reluctant at this stage of the game. You've been through bridal hell with your sister; no one would want to go back into that arena…unless they were nuts and I assure you that you're perfectly normal."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure," she murmured as she looked down at her cup. "I kind of feel at odds…I felt like that after Grandpa died; that was why I went on vacation. I came back feeling better and now it's like I'm back in the place in some way. It makes me worry about that accusation of jealousy. I don't feel that I am; yes I'd like to get married and have a baby and a house and all of those things…but it's like the time isn't now, no matter how much I might wish it was. It's like I know the time isn't right and yet I still want it."

"Of course you do; that's human nature…and your time will come, Johanna."

Tears glistened in her eyes. "That's another thing I'm not sure of sometimes."

Bridget took her hand and squeezed it. "Oh, honey; there isn't a woman alive who hasn't felt that way at some point in her life. Hell; we've all felt it more than once at some point in our lives. We worry that things are taking too long but then it works out when it's supposed to. Don't give up hope; you'll make it. It sounds to me like you have a man in your life that loves you even if he is afraid to say it just now…but I bet one day he will and things will be okay. Just have faith…and don't measure your journey by someone else's. Everyone's journey takes a different path and takes a different amount of time…perhaps yours will be sweeter because it comes a little later. Perhaps your relationship will have a better foundation…maybe you'll be wiser and more capable of accepting the responsibilities at a later point. Maybe some people will look at you and wish they had waited a little longer and taken a little more time to figure things out."

Johanna gave her a wobbly smile. "See, you always make me feel better somehow…it's like you're magic."

Bridget smiled. "That's right; I'm the magical Bridget McKenzie Langston; me and Tinker Bell get our fairy dust at the same store."

She giggled. "Give her my regards, would you?"

"Of course; I'd be glad to," Bridget laughed. "But seriously; it's okay to be feeling everything you're feeling right now. It's just the tide of change; it has a process just like grief does…hell, sometimes grief is a part of the process. Sharon's always going to be your friend and you're always going to be hers. I don't think things will change too much but you'll have to make your peace with the changes that do occur…because that's the way it's supposed to be. She's moving on to the next chapter…you're not there yet. It's okay to be sad…to feel a little sting…to feel a little lost. You'll find your way; you always do. You're a McKenzie…we might fall down but we always get back up; you know why?"

"Because you can't keep a McKenzie down for long," Johanna remarked.

"That's right; and you remember that. Things are uncertain right now; but you'll be fine…and I'm sure that your Jim will be there to help you through. He was probably willing to listen to your troubles."

"I tried to talk about it with him…but he wasn't really getting it. How I feel feels so hard to explain. I wasn't sure how to make him get it."

"Sometimes you have to be patient and spell it out," Bridget told her. "Maybe you should try talking about it with him again now that we've talked about it. Maybe he's got some magic too."

Johanna smiled; she knew all about Jim's magic. He used it on her all the time. "He is usually a good listener…maybe I caught him on a bad day."

"Could be…or he just wasn't in the right frame of mind for what you needed; and you understand of course that I still want you to bring your troubles here to Aunt Bridget when you need to, right?"

"Of course. That would be a hard habit to break."

"Then you best not break it," Bridget smiled. "I know you feel uncertain about a lot of things right now but it'll all work itself out."

"I hope so."

"It will," she assured. "And if things start to feel too out of sorts with Sharon, don't be afraid to tell her. The two of you have been friends long enough that you should be able to say what you need to without too much worry."

Johanna slid off of her stool and moved to her aunt's side; wrapping her arms around her in an embrace. "Thank you," she said softly.

Bridget's arms tightened around her. "Anytime. Now how about you help me prep the rest of dinner and get things under way. I think we can swing it just right that it will be ready before your friend gets back. You can invite him in to eat with us; and please don't worry; I won't say anything that I shouldn't."

Johanna smiled; Bridget was probably the one person in the world that she could count on to keep that promise. "That sounds nice…I would like you to meet him."

"Then we better get things started. You peel the potatoes and I'll work on making the biscuits."

"What about Uncle Will?" she asked. "Will he be back in time?"

"Probably not but he won't mind that we ate early. I'll keep a plate warm for him in the oven. I guess we better hope your friend is willing to stay."

Johanna gave a soft laugh. "I haven't known him to turn down a free meal too often. I think it's safe to set the table for three."

---

Jim was glad that he had accepted the invitation to dinner at Bridget's. The food was excellent and he was enjoying the interaction between Johanna and her aunt. She was at ease here; more at ease than she had been for the last few days. There also hadn't been any nervousness or hesitation on her part when she introduced him to Bridget. He took that as a good sign… maybe she was relaxing about having him around her family. Sometimes he felt like she was trying to protect him from something…and he had a feeling that something was Frank McKenzie. He had no doubt that he could handle the man but he figured that was a conversation better left for another day.

Jim gave his attention back to the chattering women he was sharing the table with. Bridget McKenzie Langston was a kind woman; warm and joyful…and he detected a bit of sassiness in her eyes; eyes that were the same shade of green as Johanna's. The woman also had the same dark hair as Johanna and the same curve to her chin. He could even see a shadow of resemblance in the setting of their cheekbones. Perhaps Johanna's looks leaned more toward the McKenzie side after all; despite the features she shared with her mother.

"What are you thinking about?" Johanna asked as she caught his eye.

"I was thinking that I thought you looked like your mother but after seeing your aunt, I think you might lean in this direction."

She laughed softly. "You think so?"

Jim nodded. "I do."

"It's the hair," Bridget remarked. "I'd like to take credit for it but unfortunately my brother and I share the same hair color."

"But there are those green eyes," he said. "It's nice to see where those came from."

"I told you I got them from Bridget," Johanna replied.

"The color's the same but your eyes are shaped a bit differently," Jim told her.

Bridget laughed. "He's an observant fellow, isn't he?"

"He is," Johanna agreed; an amused sparkle in her eyes.

"I can't help it that I notice things," he replied lightly.

"I like a man who notices things," Bridget remarked. "It is funny though how we can end up looking like more than just relative isn't it? Johanna does bear a resemblance to Naomi but she also has a healthy dose of the McKenzie looks."

"She's lucky to have so many beautiful women to look like," Jim replied.

Bridget smiled. "He's a charmer too, I see."

"He has his moments," Johanna replied. "You should've seen him laying it on for Grandma."

Her aunt laughed. "Sophia's quite a character. I bet she enjoyed every minute of being charmed."

"She did say that I could call her grandma," Jim commented.

"Then you did really well," she teased.

"There were moments when I thought maybe he was doing too well," Johanna said. "Bridget; where do we get green eyes from?"

Bridget picked up her glass and took a drink to buy herself some time. She knew that their eye color was inherited from her mother Sarah but she couldn't tell her. She wanted to; she didn't like lying to her but the truth would only cause the girl more problems with Frank and she didn't want that.

"I don't know, dear. It might've come from my mother's side. I was so young when she passed and we didn't see her family much after that. I don't really remember much about them."

"Why didn't you see them anymore?" she asked.

"Well, after Mama passed; Dad threw himself into his work and our grandmother Amelia took on most of our raising…which is part of your father's problem. He's as harsh and strict as she was but I digress. Grandmother hated Mama…she just despised her; hated her family too so she kept us away from them."

"That's not right," Johanna replied.

"No; it isn't," Bridget agreed. "I still have this memory of Grandma Riley crying as Grandmother dragged me away from her at the drugstore one day when we ran into her. I hated her…it sounds terrible but I didn't shed any tears when Amelia McKenzie left this earth. She was a cold, cruel woman."

"Sounds like it…did you ever see your Grandma Riley again?"

"Once in awhile we'd run into her somewhere; she always cried when she saw us. Always begged whoever we were with to ask Dad to let us come see her and spend weekends with her. But he wasn't interested…he let the decisions up to Grandmother and so my mother's family faded into the background. I'm not even sure of the names of my mother's siblings anymore. I don't even know if any of them are still around."

"That's sad," Johanna remarked. "Maybe things would've been different or easier for all of you if you had been allowed contact with your mother's family."

Bridget nodded. "I believe it would've been. I wish Dad would have handed us over to Grandma Riley…we might've grown up a little happier."

She gave her a sad smile. "I probably shouldn't have brought all of that up. It's probably not pleasant memories for you."

"Sweet pea, life is full of unpleasant memories. Ignoring them doesn't make it go away. My memories of Mama are few…I was only four; but I remember her love and no matter how much it hurts to have lost her; I'll never turn away the memory of that love. I wish I could tell you all about her…but like I said, my memories are few."

Johanna nodded and then her gaze darted to Jim who was suppressing a smile. "You will not repeat that nickname to anyone," she told him. "That's for Bridget's use only."

He chuckled. "I wouldn't dream of spilling your private family nicknames."

Bridget gave her a smile. "Sorry, dear; it slipped out. You know I try to watch the usage of nicknames in front of friends."

"It's okay," she told her aunt. "I can trust Jim…he knows that if he blabs I'll never make fried chicken for him again."

Jim's head jerked upward. "There's no need for that. I didn't hear a word either one of you said for the last ten minutes. I had a black out."

Bridget laughed. "That must be some powerful fried chicken if he's willing to wipe clean his memory."

"In Jim's case; fried chicken is always a powerful weapon," her niece replied.

The older woman turned her attention to him. "Well Jim; Johanna has now told me about your apparent love of fried chicken. She also mentioned that the two of you work together. Are you any good at being a lawyer?"

He laughed at the teasing glimmer in her eyes. "They haven't fired me yet so I guess I do alright."

"He's very successful," Johanna remarked proudly.

"So is she," he added. "In fact, we won a case together a few weeks ago."

"Congratulations," Bridget told them. "Do the two of you work on cases together often?"

"It's not an every day event," Jim replied. "But if I'm stuck on something or need a fresh pair of eyes, she's the first person I go consult with and she comes to me when she wants something looked over. We're a good team though when we do work a case together."

"I can believe that," her aunt remarked. "I'm glad to know that Johanna has found such a wonderful friend as well as a colleague she's so happy to work with. I'm very fond of her, you know; she's my bonus child."

Jim smiled. "She's told me how much she enjoyed her summers here growing up."

"I miss those days," Bridget remarked. "I miss having the house full of kids. I liked all of that noise and energy…I liked all those giggles and ice cream stains…special talks and goodnight hugs and kisses. Those were special times."

"I miss them too," Johanna murmured.

"You're going to have to come and spend a weekend with me sometime soon," Bridget implored. "Don't make me wait so long to see you again."

"I promise," she told her. "Spending a weekend sounds wonderful. I'll make it happen."

They spent the rest of the meal chatting amicably and it didn't escape Jim's notice that there was no mention of him and Johanna being something more than they claimed. There was no teasing in regard to their relationship; no remarks about what they should be doing. It was nice…it was highly enjoyable. He would've liked to let Johanna linger for as long as she wanted but eventually he gently suggested that they better get going.

Bridget walked them to the door and pulled her niece into a tight hug. "I'm so glad you came to see me."

"Me too," Johanna replied. "It was great as always."

Her aunt smiled and kissed her cheek. "Remember everything we talked about."

"I will."

"Jim; you get her home safely."

"I will," he promised. "It was nice to meet you."

"You too," she smiled. "You both come back sometime when you can stay longer."

They said their goodbyes and headed out to the car. "Jim," Johanna said once they were settled into their seats.

"Yeah?"

"There's one thing I always like to do whenever I'm out here…"

"What's that, sweetheart?"

"I like to watch the sun set over the ocean….if you have time for silliness like that," she replied.

"It's not silly," he stated. "I have plenty of time. I wouldn't want to break your tradition."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"No problem," he replied as he put the car in gear.

---

They were quiet for awhile as they watched the sun make its slow descent; casting the chilly ocean in a soft yellow glow.

"Do you feel better now that you've talked to your aunt?" Jim asked quietly.

"What makes you think my visit was about feeling better?"

"Because I know you," he replied. "I know that when something's bothering you that you mentally search through a list of people in your brain and seek out the one you think will give you the best comfort. I figure your Aunt Bridget was who you picked this time."

A soft smile touched Johanna's lips; her head dipping for a moment as she studied her boots. "I guess you're even more observant than I thought."

He shrugged. "I just tend to pick things up about you here and there…I just don't let you in on it. I don't want you changing up your game plan; then I'd be hopelessly lost and screwing up all the time when it came to you."

"I don't think that at all," she replied with a quiet laugh. "And don't worry; I don't intend on changing my game plan."

"Good…but you never did answer my question."

She shifted slightly in her seat; her gaze flicking to the view of the pink and amber colored sky visible through the windshield. "Yeah; I do feel some better."

"I'm glad…I know that you tried to tell me what was going on in your head and I wasn't much help. I'm sorry I brushed it off, Jo."

"It's okay," she murmured. "You're a man."

Jim gave a short laugh. "What's that got to do with it?"

"It's just the nature of men to brush off those complicated feelings that women have because they're not sure how to handle them…and they don't know why they're so complicated. But you know, as complicated as they seem to you, they're just as complicated to us."

"That's a lot of complicated stuff," he remarked.

"Yeah, it is."

"Do you want to try to explain it to me again? Maybe I'll get it this time; instead of throwing out hasty words that have no merit."

Johanna gave him a small smile. "It's hard to explain…I'm happy for Sharon and I wouldn't say that I'm jealous; because that's not what I feel inside. I just feel…adrift."

"Adrift?"

She nodded. "Yeah; it's like a fleet of ships that set out from the harbor together. Then they get to a certain point and they go their separate ways and suddenly you're at sea alone and you wonder if you're on the right course…you wonder when you're going to see land again. You feel kind of alone out there."

"But you're not alone," he murmured. "You have family and friends."

"I know…that's why it's kind of hard to explain. Sharon's been my best friend since we were seventeen; it was the summer before our senior year when we met and we just instantly clicked as we worked that first shift at the diner and we've been best friends ever since."

"And you think that's going to change?"

Johanna was quiet for a moment. "I feel like it already has in some ways."

"Why?"

She met his eye. "Just between us?"

"Of course, sweetheart. It's always just between us; don't ever worry about that."

She knew that but she had wanted confirmation to be sure because the topic made her feel somewhat vulnerable. "Sometimes Sharon acts more like Phil than herself…sometimes the things she says or does seem more like him than her. Like when she came to my apartment on New Year's Day to read me the riot act about what happened between us the night before."

"That was between you and I; Sharon should've kept her nose out of it," Jim stated. "She had no business lecturing you."

"I didn't think so either...and we kind of had an argument of our own and I just couldn't help seeing his influence there. It was obvious that she had discussed the situation with him, which I know they were all there; everyone knew we were fighting but still…"

"It felt like he was in the room," he remarked. "Like you were arguing with both of them instead of just Sharon."

A little spark of realization lit up inside of her. It had kind of felt like that. "Yeah; it was like that and it was weird. I know Phil doesn't like me all that much."

"Why do you say that?"

"Just a vibe I get sometimes," she replied. "Sometimes I feel like he's looking down his nose at me or something."

"Phil can be a little…uptight," Jim remarked. "I don't think he dislikes you…I think maybe he's intimidated by you a little."

"But why?"

"Because as much as I hate to say it; I sometimes get the impression that Phil can't handle having a woman on par with him in the professional world. He's never come right out and said anything but it's just the way he acts sometimes and it's not directed at just you…I mean he seems to act that way in general toward the women who are lawyers."

"So you think it's because he doesn't like women being in the same profession as him?" she asked.

"It could be a small part of how he acts. I think Phil is…insecure in some ways," Jim admitted. "He doesn't want a woman to best him at work. I think he looks at you and knows that he couldn't push you around. He wouldn't know how to handle you…and maybe he's jealous of your friendship with Sharon. You can influence her in ways he can't; you've known her longer than he has and there's probably always going to be some things that she's going to bring to you first; because you're her safety net; you know her; you understand her…I think he's jealous."

"When Sharon was giving me her New Year lecture; she said that I was jealous of her and Phil and of Maggie and Jeff."

Jim shook his head. "I don't believe that you are; and I know I threw that word out earlier this week and I'm sorry for that. But I don't see you being jealous of Maggie and Jeff…I've never gotten that vibe. I don't see you being jealous of Sharon and Phil either because there's nothing there to be jealous of in my opinion. I think maybe it's more like you feel pushed aside because it does seem like everyone has become very couple oriented lately."

"You see it too?" Johanna asked; her eyes meeting his.

"Yeah, I do; like with that ski weekend we got excluded from and how it seems like to have lunch with a friend you have to hope that their significant other is busy that day. You can't just plan it in advance or on the spur of the moment…even things like going out on the weekend have been different lately. You're not the only one picking up on those things. I see it too."

She laughed softly. "You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that. I was starting to worry that it was just me."

"It's not, sweetheart. I don't know if they're doing it on purpose or they just don't realize that they're doing it but it's there. I see it."

"There's something else that Sharon said in that conversation…"

"Sharon always has been the chatty type," he remarked. "What else did she say?"

"She said that she doesn't have much time for me because she's with Phil and Maggie doesn't have time because she has Jeff…"

"Why the hell would she say something like that!" Jim demanded to know. "Didn't she think that would hurt your feelings?"

Johanna shrugged. "I don't know…it's the truth; and I guess that's part of my problem this week. I keep thinking about how her time will be even less than before once she's married. I'm not jealous…I just feel like I'm losing my best friend in some ways. Do you ever feel like that, Jim?"

He thought about it long and hard and then he nodded. "Honestly; yeah, sometimes I feel like that. Sometimes I feel left behind; like when Michael met Natalie and she became his world; and I'm not saying she shouldn't be; I adore her. But it was hard to get used to. There's four years between us but we did a lot of stuff together…and then we didn't do so much together. With Jeff, there are times when it's the same way. He loves Maggie and he wants most of his time to be with her, which is understandable but it is hard to get used to. I get it, Jo. I understand what you mean."

For some reason those words filled her with relief. "I'm glad to know that…not that I want you to feel badly or anything but I…"

"I get it, sweetheart," he said with a quiet laugh. "You wanted to know that you weren't alone."

"Yeah."

"You're not alone…and even if Sharon doesn't have as much time for you it's okay; you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I'll be your best friend," Jim said with a smile as he took her hand.

Johanna was sure her heart cracked open with those words; love and warmth racing through her and chasing away the chill she had been feeling in her veins for the last few days. She smiled; her eyes glistening in the light of the setting sun as she clutched his hand tightly. "I'll be your best friend too."

"You already are," he replied.

"Really?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah, you are…and since we have each other, then we're not alone, are we?"

"No, I guess not," she replied; a touch of awe in her voice.

He smiled. "So that ship of yours isn't really adrift by itself out there at sea. My ship is right there sailing along side of it."

"I'm so glad," Johanna murmured as she moved toward him and wrapped her arms around him in an embrace.

Jim closed his eyes as he held her tightly. "Don't worry, Jo. Maybe Sharon won't be around as much but you'll always have me."

"And you'll always have me," she whispered as she pulled back to look him in the eye.

The same idea seemed to strike them both and they met each other half way; indulging in a soft, lingering kiss.

"Then no matter what our friends do, we don't have anything to worry about, do we?" Jim said once they broke their kiss.

She shook her head. "No…but it does feel like things are changing lately," she said as she settled back against her seat. "I don't really know what it is but I feel it. Do you?"

"Yeah, I do but I don't know what it is either…it's kind of like something somewhere is shifting but it isn't something I can explain because I don't know what it's about. All I know is that you don't have to be afraid of whatever it is because I'll be right here with you."

Johanna squeezed his hand, her heart feeling a little lighter. "It's not that I'm not happy for Sharon; I am…I just hate the thought of wedding planning mania again. She's been engaged for two weeks and she already wants to go look at dresses and discuss venues and all of that stuff and I…I just already want to scream. Does that make me a terrible person?"

"No," he replied with a quiet laugh. "I don't blame you. Colleen and Naomi put you through an entire year of wedding planning hell. You're burnt out, sweetheart."

"I do feel like I just barely recovered from Colleen's fiasco and here we go with Sharon. It's just already a constant topic and I have to make her focus on work. One minute we had a normal friendship, despite those little changes I mentioned earlier and now the switch has been flipped and she's in bride mode. I've got a packed caseload and my secretary is sneaking peeks at bridal magazines. I feel like I'm losing all the way around with her. It's just a lot to deal with and I feel horrible for saying it. I know she's excited but damn, why can't she just enjoy the engagement first?" Johanna said, gesturing wildly with her hand.

"I always thought you were supposed to wait until you picked a date before you started planning," Jim remarked.

"Yeah, normal people do," she replied. "But I don't seem to know many normal people."

He laughed. "I know the feeling. Maybe Sharon thinks she's in her own special version of Romeo and Juliet."

Johanna sighed with disgust. "I always hated that story."

"Really? I always figured that would be right up your alley."

"Please," she scoffed. "I think it's stupid."

Amusement danced in his eyes. "This is interesting. It's supposed to be the greatest love story ever told."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't know what the hell is so romantic about it. I mean think about it, it's two teenagers who just magically fall in love at first sight and just have to get married. They're smart enough to figure out how to sneak away to get married but not smart enough to figure out that they could just keep on going. That just never made any sense to me. Then they go and kill themselves. I just don't see the romance in that. In my opinion it was just two stupid kids who had no business getting married to anyone."

Jim shook with laughter. "I always thought that he really married her because he wanted to get in her pants and that was the only way he could get it."

She nodded. "I'd buy that scenario; and that's another thing; they could figure out how to sneak him in so they could have sex but they couldn't figure out how she could sneak out with him when they were done? What kind of stupidity is that?"

"Well see that's part of my theory," he stated. "If he had really wanted more than just the sex; he would've found a way to take her with him."

"Exactly! And if she had the sense God gave a goose, she would have made sure that he got a message, telling him that she was going to be a dumb ass and drink a potion that made her look dead. I mean when you're doing something that drastic, communication is key!"

"You're right; there was a major communication problem."

"A fatal one."

He laughed. "God I hated reading that play in school. By the time they got to the balcony scene I was hoping one of them would fall off."

"That would've been a great improvement," she giggled.

"And here I thought I hated it because I was a guy…and you hate it too."

"It was written by a guy," Johanna reminded him.

"I know…but I always thought he was one of those girly type of guys."

Johanna burst into laughter, making him smile in response. "I guess when you think about it, he did seem kind of girly with those frilly looking collars."

Jim nodded. "You know some people say he didn't really write those plays."

"Well it sure as hell wasn't a woman who wrote them."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because any self respecting woman knows that if your father is standing in the way of you being with the man you love and that man ends up dead, you don't off yourself. You stick around and make sure your father feels that guilt for the rest of his life. It's hard for him to get over it if he has to look at you every day."

"Good point."

"As always."

He chuckled. "So I think it's safe to say that Johanna McKenzie isn't a Shakespeare fan."

"Far from it. I hate how he writes women. They're always committing suicide or going insane. I think he had a problem with women."

"I hadn't thought about that," he replied. "Maybe they had better frilly collars and he was jealous."

She laughed. "It is always devastating when someone has a better accessory than you."

"I think we just maligned one of histories supposed finest authors," Jim laughed.

Johanna shrugged. "We're probably not the first…probably won't be the last. I'm a Gone With The Wind kind of girl."

"That didn't have a happy ending either."

"But at least Rhett and Scarlett were alive at the end of it…and if they're alive there was a chance of reconciliation. In my mind, somewhere down the road, Rhett and Scarlett worked it out and got back together and no one can convince me otherwise."

"You really think so?" he asked in amusement. "He did tell her that he didn't give a damn."

"Just because he didn't give a damn one day doesn't mean he couldn't give a damn a week later. Have you ever read the book?"

"Hell no," he laughed. "But I have seen the movie."

Her brow rose. "Really?"

"Yeah…it was one of those anniversary showings and my mother wanted to go…and I was the only one who didn't have plans…and I expect that to stay between us because I have a reputation to protect."

"Oh don't worry; you're secret is safe with me," she grinned. "Did you like it?"

Jim shifted in his seat. "It was better than Romeo and Juliet."

"But did you like it?"

"I liked looking at Vivien Leigh."

Johanna eyed him. "I think you liked it."

"I didn't say that…I mean, it was okay."

"You liked it."

"Okay, I didn't mind it," he confessed. "But you better never tell anyone!"

She laughed. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Jim squirmed in his seat. "It feels awful saying that."

"What, you think you're the only man in the world who 'didn't mind it'? Does it make you feel like you need to run out and do manly things like drink beer and drive fast cars?"

"Yes; and you better be careful; I might think that you're volunteering to help me feel manly."

She swatted his arm playfully. "That's just your wishful thinking. But if it makes you feel any better, my father saw Gone With The Wind with us when we went to one of those anniversary showings and he didn't mind it either. He tried to act like he did, but he was engrossed in it."

"Maybe he liked looking at Vivien Leigh too."

"I wouldn't doubt it," she laughed; "But I don't think he's less manly for setting through the movie and not minding it and I don't think it makes you less manly either. I like John Wayne movies, does that make me less feminine?"

"No," Jim replied; "That makes you sexy as hell."

"Well, I think it's sexy that you've watched Gone With The Wind," she told him; her hand dropping to his thigh in a soft caress.

He grinned. "We're very sexy people."

She gave a soft laugh. "Agreeing with that would sound conceited."

"I won't tell."

"In that case; I agree."

Jim smiled as she took his hand, maneuvering it so that his palm was facing up so she could press hers against it. She did this from time to time, he noted; it seemed like she liked to see how their hands measured up against each others; hers small and slender, soft and lilly white; a sharp contrast to his larger hand; his skin rougher from years of working on projects with his father and carrying the lightest hint of a permanent tan from spending so much time outdoors during the course of his life…and yet they looked so right together; as if her small hand had been crafted to fit perfectly inside his…her fingers sculpted to entwine with his just right. The thought made him curl his hand around hers as she continued her study and she looked up at him and smiled.

"Maybe there aren't any perfect love stories," she commented. "Maybe the only perfect love story is the one you craft for yourself…where all of those little bumps in the road can look beautiful because they're yours and they took to the destination you wanted to arrive at."

He nodded; his fingers squeezing hers. "Maybe so…it doesn't matter what someone else has…because what you have will be better because it's yours…and sweetheart, I have no doubt that there's a happily ever after for you…because if anyone in this world deserves one, it's you."

Johanna moved closer once more; capturing his lips in a kiss. "I think there's a happily ever after for you too."

"I hope so."

"There will be."

He gave a hint of a smile. "I'm glad you're so sure."

"I am," she replied and after a moment of silence she glanced at him. "Do you know what I love best about us?" she asked softly.

"What?"

"That we can talk about anything…that no matter how silly I might feel; you always make me feel better."

"That feeling is mutual, you know," he said as he pulled her closer; his hand brushing back a lock of her hair before catching her mouth in a series of kisses.

"I'm starting to think there's something about us and beaches," Johanna murmured when during a moment when they broke apart for air.

Jim smiled and kissed her again. "Maybe it's fitting," he remarked. "We're a little bit like the sea; calm and sedate in some areas…and then sometimes, wild and untamed."

"I think I like that," she whispered; her fingers grazing his chin and brining him back to her for another kiss.

"Of course I think there's just something about us and being out of town," he commented.

"Maybe it's less pressure outside of the city," she remarked between kisses; his hand moving slowly along her side. "Or maybe there's just something about us…"

"I like us," Jim remarked.

"Me too."

They returned to their own private little world; sharing a few more lingering kisses until Jim realized that the sun had set and darkness was closing in. He reluctantly pulled back from her. "We better head home, sweetheart; it's getting dark."

Johanna nodded. "I guess we lost track of time. I hope your father won't be mad at you for getting back so late with his stuff."

Jim shook his head as he started the car. "There was no hurry. Don't worry about that. I'm sure he'd tell me to take my time…he'd want us to enjoy ourselves."

---

"You don't mind me stopping to drop this stuff off, do you?" Jim asked as he pulled up in front of his parents house.

"Of course not," Johanna replied. "Your dad has probably been waiting."

"Do you want to come in with me?"

She glanced at him. "Is your mother in there?"

"Most likely," he laughed.

"I'll wait here."

"Chicken," Jim goaded.

"I am not!"

"Yes you are," he teased.

"Is it nice to call your best friend chicken?" she asked; a smug gleam in her eyes.

"When she's being one, of course it is," he replied as he opened his door.

"Fine; I'm going in," she declared; pushing her door open as well.

Jim grinned. "I do love a woman who can't turn down a challenge."

"It's not a challenge," Johanna remarked as she followed him to the back of the car so he could get the bags out of the trunk. "I was staying in the car for your mother's sake; not mine…but I'm not going to do it at the risk of my reputation."

He shut the trunk lid and wrapped his free arm around her waist. "You're a brave woman."

Or a stupid one, Johanna thought to herself as they made their way up the walk to the house. The Beckett home was large; carrying the air and style of those old Victorian homes that she loved to look at. She wished that it was still daylight so that she could get the full effect of it. Jim's arm slipped away from her waist; his hand moving to cup her elbow as they went up the porch steps.

He knocked on the door; figuring that it would make Johanna uncomfortable if he let them in with his key.

"I love the glass in this door," Johanna murmured as she studied the rose patterned beveled glass window.

"Dad special ordered that for Mom one year for their anniversary. She loves roses."

"It's beautiful."

The door opened and Robert smiled at the sight of his son. "Jimmy," he stated and then upon seeing the woman at his son's side, his smile widened. "You've brought Johanna with you; how nice. Get in here out of the cold."

They stepped into the entry way and Jim sat down the bags of car parts. "There's the stuff you wanted, Dad."

"Thank you, son; I appreciate it. How are you, Johanna?"

"I'm fine," she smiled. "How are you?"

"I can't complain," he replied; "At least not too much. Did Jimmy take you along with him on his errand?"

"Yes; I asked him if he'd mind if I tagged along. My aunt lives out there and I wanted to see her."

"Robert, who's at the door?" Elizabeth asked from somewhere in the distance.

"It's Jimmy and Johanna," he answered as his wife stepped into the entryway.

Elizabeth stopped in her tracks, her lips pressing into a thin line as she glared at her son and then at Johanna. "What are you doing here?" she demanded to know.

Johanna smiled. "I spent the day in Long Island with Jim. He said he needed to stop here on our way home. I was going to wait in the car but I thought it would be rude not to come in and say hello to you."

Elizabeth's hands clenched at her sides. "There's no need for greetings between us."

Johanna wasn't fazed by the woman's attitude. "That may be but my mother raised me to be polite."

"You just wanted to be funny," she retorted.

"Now, Lizzie; behave," Robert admonished. "Johanna doesn't need to be sitting out there in the cold when she's more than welcome to come inside."

"She has a coat," Elizabeth stated. "A tacky one but I'm sure it provides sufficient warmth."

Johanna looked down at her new white coat. "This is the latest style, Mrs. Beckett."

She scoffed. "It's still tacky."

"I'm sure a lot of women from your generation feel that way," Johanna said sweetly; "But we can't keep those 1930's fashions alive forever."

Jim coughed to disguise a laugh as his mother's eyes grew wide. Amusement shown on Robert's face as he hurriedly spoke before his wife found her voice. "Let's go into the living room and sit down."

Jim took Johanna's hand and followed his father; his mother on his heels; her piercing glare felt upon his back. "You know what I told you, Jimmy," Elizabeth said firmly.

"You tell me so many things, Mother," he said as he and Johanna sat down on the couch. "It's hard to keep up with them all."

"Is the heating system not working in your car?" she asked tartly as she perched on the edge of a wingback chair.

"It's working just fine," Jim replied. "Thanks for asking."

"You know; you're coming by tomorrow; you could've waited to drop off those things your father wanted," Elizabeth stated. "It isn't like he can do anything in the dark."

"We were in the neighborhood," he told her. "I figured it was better to drop them off than to leave them in my trunk all night."

"I'm glad you came by," Robert remarked; sensing that a change of subject was needed. "I hadn't heard from you; I thought maybe you decided to stay out there."

"That's my fault," Johanna spoke up before Jim could form a syllable.

"Of course it is," Elizabeth commented.

She ignored the older woman and addressed her remark to Robert. "Jim dropped me off to visit my aunt while he ran his errands and when he came back to get me; my aunt invited us to stay and eat an early dinner with her."

"How nice," Elizabeth said snidely. "I trust the meal was to your liking, Jimmy."

"It was," he replied.

"My boy is never one to turn down a free meal," Robert said lightly as he held Johanna's eye; hoping that she was getting his silent message not to allow Elizabeth to bother her.

She smiled. "I've noticed."

"Did they serve you fried chicken, Jimmy?" his mother asked.

"No; we had ham."

"I hope it was prepared to your liking," she stated.

"It was very good," Jim said. "I'd say Bridget's ham was on par with yours, Mom; she just uses a different glaze."

"A better glaze?" Elizabeth asked sharply; ignoring the fact that her son was trying to assure her that he did enjoy most of her cooking.

"No; I wouldn't say it was better because I could only say that if you both made the same glaze but you don't. I liked her glaze and I like yours; they're both very good. What kind of glaze did your aunt use, Jo?"

"It's a honey glaze," she replied. "What kind do you use, Mrs. Beckett."

"None of your business."

"It's a brown sugar glaze," Jim told her. "It's very good."

"How do you make that?" Johanna asked; her interest piqued.

Elizabeth eyed her shrewdly. "Why? So you can take that from me too?"

Puzzlement flicked across her features. "I wasn't aware that I had taken anything from you, Mrs. Beckett."

The older woman scoffed and Robert jumped back into the conversation. "I believe Elizabeth is a bit envious of that fried chicken of yours that Jimmy speaks so highly about."

"I'd be happy to tell you how I make my fried chicken," Johanna told her; sincerity in her voice.

"I don't need you to tell me how to cook! I've been cooking for longer than you've been alive!"

"I was just offering," she told her. "I have no doubt that you know how to cook; I just thought maybe I'd have a tip you could use…like maybe you're letting it cook too long."

"I know how to cook," Elizabeth stated once again. "If you think we're going to start swapping recipes and you're getting another foot in the door here, you've got another thing coming!"

Johanna sighed. "I had no ulterior motives and I didn't think for a moment that we were going to swap recipes. I was just trying to be nice. If you want to eat burned chicken, that's fine with me."

"Good, because I didn't ask for your opinion and you're not getting my glaze!"

"I don't want it. If I want to know how to make it; I'll go to the library and find a cookbook that has a recipe for it."

"The girl didn't mean any harm, Lizzie," Robert remarked. "Unruffle your feathers."

"I'll be in the kitchen," she said tersely as she got up from her chair and stormed from the room. "And, Jimmy; you and I will talk tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to it as always, Mom."

Johanna shot Jim a side long gaze; a silent 'I told you I should have waited in the car' message coming through loud and clear. He gave her a reassuring smile as he took her hand. "Mom gets cranky this time of the evening; don't take it personally."

"That's true," Robert remarked. "She hasn't had her nightly bowl of ice cream yet. She's always better after her ice cream. But you are welcome here, Johanna; don't doubt that."

She smiled; she might be welcome by Robert but she was far from welcomed by Elizabeth. She fell silent as the men chatted; only offering comment when something was directed to her. Finally Jim gave her hand a tug and they rose from the couch to leave.

They stood near the door and said their goodbyes to Robert and then Johanna turned to Jim. "Go say goodnight to your mother," she told him; "And apologize to her for bringing me into her house when she clearly told you not to."

"Jo…"

"Go," she said; her brow arched in seriousness.

Jim headed towards the kitchen as he was told, leaving Johanna behind with Robert. The older man smiled at her and she could see the wheels turning in his head. "And what's brewing behind those baby blue eyes of yours, Robert Beckett?" she asked teasingly.

"Oh I was just thinking that you're just right for my boy; you keep him on his toes and you make him toe the line. You'll do just fine."

She laughed. "I think someone in this house might beg to differ."

"Don't let her scare you," he replied. "Her bark is worse than her bite."

"I didn't mean to offend her about the chicken," she stated honestly. "I was just trying to find common ground."

"I know that, honey. Don't worry about it. She would've done the same thing to Natalie if she had said it so don't feel badly. She's just a prickly rose sometimes."

Johanna nodded; prickly rose was an understatement.

---

Jim entered the kitchen and walked toward the counter where his mother was roughly cleaning the already spotless countertop. "Mom; I'm getting ready to head out."

"Good; take that persnickety little tramp and get out."

"Don't call her names; she doesn't call you names."

"I bet," she scoffed.

"She doesn't and I've told you before not to talk about her like that. She's not a tramp."

"I told you not to bring her into my house, James Robert."

"Mom; she wanted to stay in the car but I goaded her into coming in."

"Why? Why make her come in when you knew I didn't want her here!"

He moved to stand next to her. "Because my mother raised me not to leave a lady in the car in the dark and in the cold. This is a relatively safe neighborhood but that doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there lurking around, up to no good. I know you, Mom; you're a good woman, and I don't think you'd really want her sitting out there in the dark by herself. I don't think you'd want something to happen to her, now would you?"

"Not from an outside force," she muttered; her fist clenching.

"Mother," he sighed.

"I don't like her."

"You don't even give her a chance. And just so you know; she wasn't trying to offend you about the chicken. She was being sincere in her offer to tell you how she makes hers. She was also sincere in asking about your glaze; not because she was trying to take something from you, but because she likes cooking and she has an interest in it. She was trying to be nice, but you're so determined to hate her that you couldn't just sit there and have a conversation with her."

"That's my prerogative," Elizabeth remarked.

He nodded. "I suppose it is…it's also your loss because she's a very nice person and I think you could probably find some common ground with her."

"I don't want common ground with her."

"Of course not; you'd rather be stubborn and contrary…and it's not a very attractive attitude on you. I showed her a picture of you smiling once; do you know what she said?"

"What makes you think I care?"

Jim ignored the comment. "She said you're very pretty when you smile. I agree…maybe you should smile more, Mom. Maybe you should loosen up a little. You might find out that things aren't all that bad."

"Why don't you take your preaching and your little girlfriend and go," she told him.

"Fine," he sighed as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow…and just so you know; I still love you anyway."

A hint of a smile played on his mother's lips and he nudged her playfully, making it widen and spread across her lips. "See that wasn't so hard, now was it?" he grinned.

She swatted him with her dish cloth. "Go on, now, Jimmy. Take that girl home."

He told her goodbye and headed back to the entryway to collect Johanna. "I've said goodnight," he informed her. "Can we go now?"

"Yes; I'm ready if you are," Johanna replied.

Jim pulled open the door. "See you tomorrow, Dad."

"Drive carefully, Jimmy. Johanna, you come back anytime."

She laughed; she wasn't sure that was a good idea.

---

Later that night, Jim jerked awake. He didn't remember falling asleep and it took him a moment to realize that he was still at Johanna's…and the woman in question was nestled snugly against his side. He smiled tiredly; he had lingered too long, unwilling to give up the coziness of watching television with her while curled up together on the couch. He glanced at his watch; it was almost two in the morning. He carefully got up from the sofa, taking care not to disturb Johanna.

Jim stretched; working out a kink in his back. He really should head home, he thought to himself but then something floated by the window, catching his eye. Johanna had forgotten to close the blinds and he carefully leaned over the sofa to peer outside. Snow was falling; there had to be a few inches on the ground already. Maybe he shouldn't leave after all. The street didn't look like it had been cleared yet…and he didn't have a shovel in the car. He was sure Johanna didn't own one either. He wasn't about to clean several inches of snow from his car with his bare hands…and he didn't want to use her broom. He wouldn't want it to get ruined…maybe he'd just stay put. She wouldn't mind and he was sure that she wouldn't want him driving in inclement weather. Safety should come first; he reasoned. He'd stay with Johanna…which he had apparently wanted to do anyway.

Jim walked through her apartment; going to her bedroom and pulling back the covers on her bed. They might as well be comfortable, he thought to himself as he went about his task. He took off his watch and laid it on the nightstand and then headed back to the living room to collect his colleague. He carefully gathered her up in his arms and carried her to her bed; laying her down on her preferred side and drawing the covers up over her as she curled into a ball. He smiled; she looked adorable in her lavender colored pajamas. He brushed a kiss against her forehead and then went to the bathroom and got ready for bed. When he returned to her room; he threw his jeans and socks onto her chair and then climbed into bed beside her.

He had just settled into a comfortable spot; his back facing her when he felt Johanna move. She pressed herself up against his back; her arm wrapping around him, her leg draping itself over one of his as she pressed her cheek firmly against him; her hand curling into the material of his t-shirt. Jim suppressed a laugh; this was new, he thought. He knew she liked to cuddle but maybe he didn't realize just how serious she was about it. Wanting to give her some added security; he allowed his hand to fall against her knee where it rested upon his leg. He gave it a soft squeeze and she tried to snuggle against him even more in response.

Jim laid there for a few minutes, savoring the feel of her pressed against his back; his hand remaining against her knee. He'd be lying if he said he didn't like the way she clung to him in her sleep, he thought as the edges of sleep crept around him once more…and he'd be lying if he said that he was bothered by being snowed in for the night. Staying was nice…he'd like to do it more often.

---

The next morning, Johanna woke to the feel of a weight across her waist. Her eyes flicked open slowly; her hazy mind thinking that maybe she was just dreaming but then she caught the familiar sight of her bedroom and she couldn't quite remember how she had gotten there. The last thing she had remembered was being on the couch…with Jim. She glanced down at her waist and saw the arm that was laying across it…that was Jim's arm; she thought to herself a she studied it, realizing that there was a wall of warmth against her back. No wonder she had slept so well. She sank back against him and then heard a quiet chuckle in her ear.

"Wake up, sleepy head," he murmured. "It's time for breakfast."

"Are you making it?" she asked.

"Nope; you are. I'm the guest."

She gave a sleepy scoff. "Five more minutes."

"Alright but I'm deducting that from your tip," Jim told her.

A smile crossed her lips but her tired eyes slid shut; sleep waiting to pull her back under until she heard Jim's voice in her ear once again. "You're probably wondering how we got here."

"Not at the moment," she said groggily. "Go back to sleep."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm hungry."

"Don't think about it; it'll go away until later."

"That doesn't work," Jim remarked.

She sighed deeply but remained in place; determined to sleep a little longer. She moved her hand against the arm he had draped over her waist; hoping to lull him.

"I woke up around two," Jim murmured. "It was snowing…I thought I better stay here."

"You made the right decision," she whispered.

"You don't mind?"

"No; you must've kept me warm, I slept very well."

"I should hope so; you were wrapped around my back like a koala bear most of the night."

"Sorry," she murmured; feeling her cheeks warm.

"Don't be," he replied; pressing a kiss against her hair. "I liked it."

Johanna turned then and snuggled against his chest; hoping that he'd let her go back to sleep for a few minutes.

Seeing that she was just as serious about sleeping as she was cuddling, Jim fell silent and rubbed his hand along her back as he felt her breathing even out as sleep fully claimed her. He closed his eyes; enjoying the peacefulness of her bedroom…how nice it was to hold her close as she slept and before he knew it he was dozing off as well.

---

An hour later, Johanna woke up again, feeling a little chilly. She frowned, wondering if Jim had left her but when she opened her eyes, she saw that he had drifted away from her and was sound asleep. She figured turn about was fair play and she moved toward him; throwing an arm around him as she pressed soft kisses against his neck. "Wake up," she murmured.

"Why?" he muttered; his hand reaching behind him in an attempt to grab her.

"Because you wanted breakfast," she replied; capturing his hand as she pressed a few more kisses against his skin. "What do you want me to make?"

"Bacon," Jim said sleepily.

She smiled; her fingers slipping into his hair. "And what do we want with the bacon?"

"Eggs."

"How do you want them?'

"Cooked."

"Smart ass," she said, giving his ear a soft flick.

He gave a sleepy laugh. "Scrambled."

"Toast?"

"Yes."

"Coffee?"

"Of course."

"Anything else?"

"Pancakes," he replied.

"Pancakes! You want, bacon, eggs, toast and pancakes?" she exclaimed.

"And coffee; don't forget the coffee."

"I swear, you must have a hollow leg," Johanna said as she scooted out away from him to get up.

"It's not my fault that you're a good cook…when I'm alone, I don't eat as well."

"Because you don't buy groceries."

"Why go to the market all the time when I have this wonderful woman in my life who loves to cook and always has a fully stocked fridge?"

Johanna laughed. "It's nice to be appreciated."

"I appreciate you more than you can imagine."

"Especially if I'm standing in front of the stove, right?"

Jim eyed her. "That feels like a trick question so I'm going to plead the fifth on that."

"Don't make me treat you as a hostile witness."

He grinned at her. "Are you trying to get me excited with sexy legal talk this early in the morning?"

"No," she laughed. "Get up; I'll get breakfast started before you start thinking about getting too excited."

---

"I hope your breakfast was satisfactory," Johanna remarked later that morning as they lingered near her door.

"It was excellent as always," Jim replied, taking a dollar out of his pocket and folding it before sticking it down the v-neck of her sweater. "There's your tip, sweetheart; don't spend that all in one place."

She smirked at him. "Wow; you big spender. You might just turn my head flashing those dollars around like that."

"I can only hope so," he quipped. "If you continue having good service here, I might give you two dollars next time."

"I'll be counting the minutes until your return. I mean two whole dollars…I can start a college fund for my nephew with that."

Jim shook his head. "You can't do that. You're supposed to use your tips to buy yourself something pretty."

"And wear it to serve you next time?"

A wicked smile spread across his lips. "I think I like the sound of that."

"You would," she laughed.

He laughed with her and then turned serious. "You know; that John Wayne movie from a few years ago called The Cowboys is going to be playing at The Palace next week…I was thinking about going. Do you want to go with me?"

"I'd love to," she said softly. "Let me know what day and what time."

"You got it," he replied; brushing a kiss against her lips.

"If there would happen to be a showing of Gone with the Wind sometime in the future…are you going to go with me?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yes; but you'll understand when I complain publicly about it if anyone finds out, right?"

"Absolutely," she smiled. "I'll even play along and say you complained the entire time."

"That's why you're a good best friend," he told her; brushing his knuckles against her cheek.

"Thank you for yesterday," she told him; "For letting me tag along so I could see Bridget…and then for lingering so I could watch the sunset over the ocean."

"It was my pleasure. I was going to ask you if you wanted to ride along anyway but you beat me to it…and I think we had a nice time watching the sunset."

"We did," she said, her hand caressing his face. "I like our talks."

"Me too, sweetheart. I'll call you this evening and we can have another one."

Johanna smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'll be looking forward to it."

---

"Hey," Johanna said later that afternoon as she caught sight of her best friend on the other side of the door when she opened it. "What brings you by?"

"I thought maybe we could talk," Sharon answered as she stepped inside.

"Must be important…you usually just call for that."

"Is there a reason you don't want me here? Are you busy?"

Johanna looked at her oddly. "No, of course not! Don't be silly; you know you're always welcome here. I just meant that unless we plan it, you usually don't stop by just for chit chat unless it's important."

"Just checking."

"Sharon, is something wrong?"

"You tell me," her friend replied.

"I don't know anything that's wrong," Johanna responded. "Do you want to take your coat off or are you not planning on staying long?"

Sharon took her coat off and draped it over the back of the chair. "I'm in no hurry."

"Do you want a glass of wine?"

"If that's what it takes to loosen your tongue, then I guess I'll have one."

Johanna shot her an assessing look. "If you don't want a glass, don't have one. I just poured myself one and didn't want to drink it in front of you without offering you any."

"I don't mind if you drink your wine in front of me. You know I'm cutting back."

"I forgot about your diet," she replied. "I'm sorry and of course I won't drink it in front of you in light of that."

"You don't have to deprive yourself because of me…it's usually easier to get something out of you if you're half tipsy anyway."

"Sharon, what the hell is this about?" Johanna asked, her patience wearing thin in light of her friend's odd behavior. "You apparently have an agenda here so let's just go ahead and roll it out. What did I do now? Did I give you too much work? Did I say something? Did I look at you the wrong way, I mean what? Just spit it out."

"Fine," the secretary replied as she sat down in the chair. "I want to know why the hell you're mad at me."

"Mad at you?" she repeated as she made her way to the couch. "I don't know what you're talking about. Are you sure you haven't been having a little nip of something, because you do get confusing when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk and I'm not stupid," Sharon stated. "You've been acting weird."

"I have not."

"Yes, you have and I want to know why."

"Sharon; I haven't been acting weird. I've had a full schedule ever since I got back from Albany, I'm tired and a little stressed but I'm not mad about anything. You haven't done anything to warrant being mad at so I don't know why you think that."

"I think it because you've been acting weird. I know you, Jo; I know when something isn't right with you and you haven't been right ever since I told you I was engaged, so what's the problem?"

Johanna shook her head. "There's no problem; you're just imagining things."

"Don't insult me like that. I know you better than anyone with the exception of maybe your mother; now what is it? Is it because I'm getting married?"

"No! Why would anything be about that? I'm happy for you; this is what you wanted, I'm glad you finally got it. I want you to be happy."

"You don't act like you're happy for me."

"What do you want me to do, Sharon? A cartwheel? I asked you if you wanted to go out to celebrate, you said no because you're on a diet. I asked you if you wanted to go to lunch and you said you had plans with Phil. What do you want me to do to prove to you that I'm happy for you?"

"You could act like it."

"How haven't I acted like it?"

"Because you've been giving me the cold shoulder. You've been pushing me away."

"I have not!"

"Yes you have; we've barely talked about anything but work for the past week."

"What do you want to talk about? You could've started a conversation at any time."

"It's hard to do that when you feel like your best friend isn't interested in anything you have to say."

"That's a damn lie, Sharon. If anyone gives the brush off, it's you. How many times have I asked you to go to lunch with me over the last several months? You're always with Phil; God forbid if he has lunch with one of his friends for a day."

"Hey!" she shot back; "You spend the majority of your lunches with Jim, so who are you to talk."

"Yeah, I do eat a lot of lunches with Jim and when I don't, I eat by myself because you're with Phil, Maggie is with Jeff, Sally is with Dennison, Karen is with her flavor of the week, ect. It's like no one is allowed to have plans away from their significant other."

"Maybe you'd feel differently if you had one."

Johanna gave her a sharp look. "Is that why you're here, Sharon? You're here to tell me everything wrong with my life like I don't already know it?"

"No…I wanted to know what's going on between us. I didn't want to think Phil was right but now I'm thinking that maybe he is."

She scoffed. "I can't wait for this, although I'm sure I already know it, chapter, song and verse."

"You're jealous."

"Of what? Didn't we have this discussion before or am I confusing you with Colleen? You'll have to help me out on that because all of a sudden the two of you are starting to blend together in my mind."

"I resent that," Sharon replied. "I'm not the nut that your sister is."

"Well then, did we or did we not have this discussion."

"We started to but you threw me out of your apartment."

"Ah yes," Johanna smiled; "That was a lovely New Year's Day. Let me make this clear; I am not now nor have I ever been jealous of your relationship with Phil."

"You don't have to make it sound so distasteful!"

"How am I supposed to make it sound? I sure as hell don't want him."

"What's that supposed to mean! I thought you liked Phil?"

"I do; and I'm glad that he makes you happy but he isn't what I would want for me, that's all I meant. Besides, Phil doesn't care much for me, that's obvious enough at times. I know that he wishes that we weren't the good friends that we are."

"Good friends?" Sharon asked with a raised brow. "Is that what we are? I thought we were best friends."

"You are my best friend…but you know what I said is true."

"I don't know that at all…Phil just thinks that I feel like I have to take care of you and he doesn't understand that."

"You don't take care of me!" Johanna snapped; "I'm not a child; I take care of myself."

"I know and I told him that. I can't change how he feels, Jo."

"I didn't ask you to. I couldn't care less if he likes me or not. You're my best friend and you'll always be my best friend…it's just that it doesn't feel like you're my best friend all that much anymore and I know that feeling is just going to get worse."

"What are you talking about?" Sharon asked; her eyes filled with surprise.

"Well you said it yourself, Sharon; you don't have much time for me and I get that…and after you're married you'll have even less time. I'm not complaining, I mean that's how it's supposed to be, your husband comes first and you'll have a home to take care of and then you'll have kids and you know…I'll just see you at work if you keep working."

"Why wouldn't I keep working?"

"You might want to stay home with your kids; or Phil might want you to stay home with the kids."

"Well that will be too bad for Phil because I'm not going to give up my job and I'm not having kids tomorrow."

"I didn't say you were; I'm just saying that you're moving on, Sharon. You won't need me as much; you'll have a husband and you'll confide in him and your time will be with him and that's how it's supposed to be. I mean I'll always be here if you need me…but I know things are going to change, they already have been. I know you're going to change and it's okay."

"Nothing's changed, Jo," Sharon said softly.

"It has…sometimes you say things that don't really sound like you…it sounds more like Phil."

Her friend shook her head. "No; you're imagining that."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"If I was; you wouldn't be getting so upset about it," Johanna remarked.

Sharon swallowed hard; maybe Phil's opinions and thoughts were influencing her own in some small way…and a part of her hated the thought of that. She was her own woman; she didn't let a man tell her how to think or feel or who to be friends with. "So what are you saying, Johanna?"

"I don't know…I guess everything's changing and it's just going to take me some time to get used to it. You can't say nothing's going to change, Sharon. You're going to be married and I'm still going to be…me."

The secretary leaned back in the chair. "Is this because you thought you'd be married before me?"

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "Honestly I've never thought about who would get married first. I guess I just always assumed that we'd get married around the same time and that our kids would grow up together…you know, stuff like that."

"Our kids can still grow up together. I'm not getting married next week and even when I do, I don't want kids right away. I want to enjoy being married first…and by the time I'm ready to be a mother, you might already be one, we don't know."

Johanna smiled indulgently. "I think we both know, Sharon. I think we both know that there isn't ever going to be something more for me."

"That's not true; you can have what you want if you'd just stop being afraid to go get it."

She shook her head. "You all make it sound so easy but it's not. You haven't been in my place; the person you want never had any qualms about having that sort of relationship. I can't just tell him…he's not ready for more right now…and I love him and I'm going to sit here and wait for him until I can't wait anymore. We both know that by the time that day comes, it'll be too late for me to find someone else that I can settle for and have a family with."

"It's not going to be like that, Jo. You're not going to wait as long as you think…I know you, I see it in you already. You're going to wake up one morning soon and you're going to shove him…you're going to make it happen because that's what you do. You let it build up until you can't take it anymore and you're already more than half way there…so Jim better get ready, because he isn't going to know what hit him."

Johanna gave a soft laugh but it was tinged with sadness. "Regardless of if things work out between me and Jim one day, everything I said holds true. You're not going to need me anymore and you're not going to have time anymore…and its fine. It's hard to get used to after all this time but I always knew the day would come and it's okay. Like I said, this is the way it's supposed to be. You're moving on to the best part of life and I couldn't be any happier for you regardless of what you think. I'm going to be right there at your wedding, hopefully in a non ugly dress, being so happy for you and when you do have a baby, I'll be there looking through the nursery window saying how she's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. I know I'll see you at work and hopefully when you can you'll call once and awhile but I get that things will be different and I accept it. I've already been through this once before."

"What do you mean you've been through it once before?"

"Colleen," she answered. "One day I had a sister…and then the next day I didn't because everything changed. She found Paul and lost her mind and suddenly I wasn't really a part of her world. We're a little better now…sometimes we have lunch or go shopping but not too often. She's got her life as a Weston now and I'm not a part of that. She moved on, that's what she was supposed to do."

Sharon pondered that for a moment as the underlying theme sunk in. "I think I'm getting it now…"

"Getting what?"

"To you, Colleen left you…and now you're pushing me away before I leave you too."

"I'm not pushing you away, Sharon."

"Yes you are, Jo. You've been pulling back…because you think I'm going to get married and forget that my best friend exists. You think I'm abandoning you and that's not true. I'm not going anywhere; nothing's going to change between you and I. I'm still your best friend and you're still mine and no one can change that. If I made you feel like you don't have a place in my life anymore, I'm really sorry because that isn't the case at all. I'm always going to need you; I can't tell Phil everything you know…I mean I can't complain about him to him now can I? It's not like he'd listen if I did, you know they never think they're wrong. I'm going to need you to help me plan my wedding and be my maid of honor. I'm going to need you to be everything you always have been, I don't understand why you think that's going to change or has to change. Getting married doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have friends anymore, you know that."

Johanna's gaze was focused on the torn knee of her jeans, her fingers playing with the frayed material. She didn't know what to say and she didn't exactly know how to explain how she felt without feeling like she was stupid and needy like her father always claimed. It had been easier to talk about it with Bridget. She knew that married people kept their friends…but still, things had to change didn't they? Things had changed with Colleen. They weren't close anymore; they didn't share things like they used to. It hadn't bothered her all that much though because she still had Sharon. Sharon knew things about her that no one else did…and she could get away with things that no one else could. Bridget had been right when she said that their friendship while forged at age seventeen, still constituted as being brought about in a time that could still be considered girlhood, because while they had thought they were grown up, they hadn't been. They had still been girls and they had grown up the rest of the way together, finding their way together as they went through college and into the world. Thinking about not having her around much anymore was an unsettling thought.

"Jo?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"You're thinking awful hard about nothing."

"I'm sorry if I've been distant, I didn't mean to be. I guess I was just preparing for the worst. Just ignore me when I'm like that."

"I think that's the last thing I should do," Sharon remarked. "Ignoring you would make you think that you're right and that I don't have time for you or want or need you around."

"I guess that's my point though; it's okay if you don't want or need me around so much anymore. You know, like you said back at the New Year about how you shouldn't have to babysit me at parties. I don't want you to think you have to look after me because you don't. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. I'm not your responsibility and I need to learn not to lean on people so much."

Tears pricked Sharon's eyes. "You keep saying it's me leaving you and yet it feels more like you're leaving me, Jo."

Johanna laughed. "Me? Where the hell would I go? I'm just telling you that you don't have to look after me like Phil says. I'm okay…just like I know Phil looks after you and that you're okay."

"So what are you saying, you don't look after me anymore?" Sharon asked.

"Only when you need me to…and you don't really need me to as much as you used to."

"Nothing's going to change, Johanna…we swore an oath. Don't you remember?"

She nodded. "I remember…what Mario's Diner brought together, let no man put asunder."

"That's right," Sharon affirmed; "And do you remember the rest, about how we'd stick together through thick and thin and bad fashion choices? How about how no man would ever come between our friendship no matter how much we love the idiot? How no matter how bad something might get, we'll always work it out and forgive each other? About how we were going to go through everything together, from college to retirement home? I meant it when I took that oath, didn't you?"

"You know I meant it," Johanna replied. "I still do."

"Then what the hell is the problem?" Sharon asked. "Why are we having this discussion?"

She shrugged. "I don't know; I was here minding my own business, getting ready to drink my glass of wine when you came in being all bitchy and starting this conversation…and by the way, you don't need that stupid diet. There's nothing wrong with your weight or your figure, you're going to fit into a wedding dress just fine. You're always so bitchy when you're hungry and if you don't go back to eating normal meals and having your glass of wine when you want it, I'm probably going to strangle you before you make it down the aisle."

Sharon smiled. "And you thought I didn't need you."

"Yeah, well…I never said I wasn't stupid."

"You're not stupid…you just like to protect your heart. I get that…and if I've been a less than stellar friend lately, and I think that I must have been to make you feel like our friendship was down the tubes because of a marriage, then I apologize. I'm sorry and I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen again."

"It's not you; it's me…it's always me; you know that."

The secretary shook her head. "No, I don't know that. I know you think that you're the cause of every problem in the world but you're not, Jo. I'm going to take my blame…and you're going to accept my apology…and then you're going to pour me a glass of wine."

Johanna nodded. "Okay…do you want me to make you a burger to go with it?"

"Would you, please? I mean, if you're sure I don't need to lose any weight."

"Yes I will make you one, and yes, I'm sure. You're the same size you've always been and there's nothing wrong with it. We share clothes…do I need to lose weight?"

"No."

"Then neither do you."

"Then why are you sitting here instead of making my burger?"

Johanna laughed and got up from the couch. "Come on, let's feed you so the beast lurking inside can be tamed."

Sharon grabbed her wrist as she got up from the chair. "So we're good now? We're going to be fine?"

She nodded. "We've always been fine…it was feeling that way that was the hard part; but I'm better now and I'm sorry."

"We're both sorry," Sharon said as she hugged her. "But that's the good thing about us being best friends; we dish it out when we need to and then we apologize and go back to normal."

Johanna smiled. "Or as normal as we can be given that it's us."

"Right," her friend remarked as they moved toward the kitchen. "And don't you worry; I have a feeling that things between you and Jim will be making a positive change sometime in the near future."

"I guess we'll see about that," she replied; hoping that Sharon's instincts would prove correct.