Report Cards

The school bell rang that morning as the kids were in the halls, looking at their report cards.

"B's and C's for me! B's and C's for me!" Jakob said happily, running in circles. He stopped at his locker, where Woody was sitting inside, "All that extra tutoring you and your dad gave me really paid off, buddy!"

"Sweet, an A in Writing Class!" Izzy smiled, "Mom's gonna be so proud!"

Chris and Nick watched the others. They, for some reason, didn't have their report cards.

"Jakob, Jakob, look at what I got!" June said, showing her older brother her report card.

"An A in cooking class?" Jakob asked proudly, "Wow, you sure are smart!"

"Rad!" Nicole was saying, "I got my Fine Art's grade up to a B-! Daddy's gonna be so proud!"

"Curse this new fangled technology!" Victor said fearfully, "Victor will need a new behind after Mama sees this!"

"A D in typing?" Eddward said, looking over Victor's shoulder, "Wow, that sucks."

"All-mighty sock-hatted Eddward," Victor said, dragging Eddward over to his locker and showing him a laptop inside, "Of what use is this infernal button-plate to the son of a Sheppard? Victor asks you!"

Eddward pulled his head out of his friend's locker. He ran over to Sierra.

"Yo, Sierra, check it," Eddward said. The rest of the kids began talking about their grades.

"How'd you do, Rye?" Izzy asked.

"I got all A's," Ryland said.

"Yeah, that's your dad's side," Izzy said. Chris growled. He and Nick were by their lockers, as was Martin. Martin looked somewhat nervous.

"Why do they get their report cards?" Chris asked angrily, "Some back-stabbing, two-timing j*** is giving OURS straight to our parents!"

"Life can we so cruel!" Nick sobbed sadly. He slammed his face on his locker.

"I mean what low-time, slime-covered, dog-loving twerp could do such a thing?" Chris snapped, looking at each of the other kids.

"Well, l-look at the bright side, gentlemen," Martin said nervously, "This is a great chance for you to talk to your parents about your grades and how to improve them." He started walking off as Chris grabbed Izzy's backpack and dragged her over with it. He started looking through it.

"Hey hey hey, get outta my backpack!" Izzy snapped, slamming it on Chris's head. Ryland was walking with her and snickered. Chris had thrown out a couple pencils and Martin slipped on one, making him fall on his back and drop all the papers in his bag. Izzy and Ryland walked off.

"Oh dear," Martin frowned.

"Oh, I'll help!" Nick volunteered, throwing the papers into the air, "Pick paper up, pick paper up, pick paper up!"

"No, Nick, really, you don't have to," Martin said nervously. Suddenly, Nick found something interesting.

"Hey Martin!" Nick said, "Your report cards look the same as mine and Chris's!"

Chris took one of the envelopes. Chris looked over the paper and glared at Martin.

"So you're the dog-loving twerp!" Chris snapped. Martin sighed.

"I suppose," He said, "But still, I'm doing this for your own good, Chris."

Chris glared and shoved Martin into his locker. Chris went into his own locker as Nick picked up his own report card from the ground.

"Oh oh, can I see?" Nick asked, "I bet I'm doing the bestest, guys!" Nick read the notes section, "Oh, look at this! 'Nick has trouble concentrating for even the smallest period!'" Nick, who had been waving his finger like the teacher, started watching his finger.

"Just like Izzy," Chris laughed. Nick nodded.

"Deplorable grades do not a joke make, Chris," Martin said from the locker, repeating the phrase he had practically grown up on.

"Who's got deplorable grades, smart guy?" Chris asked, grabbing Nick and running over to his locker, "Not us, not anymore!"

Chris opened his locker to reveal a picture of himself. He lifted the picture and pulled out the well-known...

"Report card changing kit!" Chris said, smirking, "I got it from my dad."

"You shouldn't change your grades," Martin said from the locker. Chris rolled his eyes and ignored Martin. He opened the kit.

"The usual A's and B's," Chris said to Nick, "And a C- just in case."

Nick was smiling dumbly. Martin got out of the locker.

Just then, a shadow loomed over Nick and Chris.

"Uh oh," Chris said. He turned around nervously, "Principal, sir."

But it turns out it was just a small cardboard cut out in front of a flashlight. Martin slowly snuck the two report cards from behind his friends and ran off, slipping them into his bag.

"Hey, what's the big idea?!" Chris yelled, appearing in front of Martin. Nick was on the other side of him.

"I have a job to do, Chris," Martin said nervously, "And I promised that I would complete this job, no matter what."

"I'M GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY AUNT, MARTIN!" Nick cried fearfully, "SHE WAS A MEANIE TO MY DAD!"

"THE CARDS, NOW!" Chris shouted.

"HER BUNNY MAKES ME SNEEZE AND SHE NEVER BUTTERS MY TOAST!" Nick cried.

"GIMMIE EM!" Chris yelled.

"SHE DOESN'T LET ME HAVE MY GRAVY TUB AND MAKES ME CLEAN MY ROOM!" Nick cried again. Martin slipped away just in time for class.

"History Class," Martin sighed, "Yes!"

Martin sat down next to Sierra.

Throughout the day and each of their class, Nick and Chris sat on either side of Martin, determined to make sure he didn't get away. A minute before school ended, however...

"Excuse me, Father, may I go to the restroom?" Martin asked, "Thank you."

He ran out the door and almost made it outside when the bell rang. The kids clambered over him.

"Fish Friday, everyone!" Lily Baxter said to all her cousins that went to that school as they ran out the door.

"I call dibs on the first one!" James Kanker said.

"No way, it's mine!" Justin argued.

"Last one home files grandma's bunions!" Mary said. She didn't want to have to do it again.

"Victor's farm of bunions is not yet grown, offspring of the same parents," Victor said.

"No bunions for me, I'm going on a diet!" June said.

"'Bout time," Martha said.

"Hey, guys, wait for us!" Jakob called. Victor stayed behind his cousins. He was ok with tending to HIS farm if he was the last one home, no big deal. He spotted Martin and rushed over.

"Smart-as-an-owl Martin-boy!" Victor said, "Please assist the son of a Sheppard!"

"What do you need, Victor?" Martin asked.

"Please assist Victor with this cursed menace he must take home for further torment!" Victor said, holding up a laptop case with the laptop inside. Victor was carrying a large bag. Martin got an idea.

"The weasel's still inside, Nick," Chris said. He was right outside the door, "When he comes out, we'll grab him and our report cards!"

Nick nodded. The door opened and Chris went to bash the person on the head with a traffic cone, but it wasn't Martin.

"Victor?" Chris asked. Nick scooped Victor up in the net.

"Got him, Chris! Am I good or what?" Nick said proudly.

"You idiot!" Chris growled and picked Victor up out of the net by his head, "Does Victor look like Martin?"

Nick thought for a minute before dropping the net.

"Maybe with some glasses?" He said. Chris smashed the cone on Chris's head and looked over at Victor, who was dragging his bag along behind him on the way home.

"Hey Victor!" Chris called, "You seen Martin?!"

Victor started to sweat nervously.

"Um, owl-boy-Martin?" He said, "Uh, I am an innocent son of a Sheppard. I know nothing. Goodbye, I must tend to my farm!"

He tried to run off, but the bag was too heavy. The laptop case fell out and popped open to reveal Martin! Martin laughed nervously.

"Look, there he is!" Chris yelled, "Get him!"

Chris and Nick ran after Martin, who began to run away. Chris ran faster.

Eddward was polishing up his bike. Sierra was with him.

"Ready to ride?" He asked.

"No no no no no," Sierra said. "You know I don't like bikes."

"C'mon, it'll be fun," Eddward said. Suddenly, Martin ran past and jumped on the bike, riding off.

"Excuse me, I need to borrow this," Martin said.

"Hey, my bike!" Eddward yelled angrily. Sierra sighed in relief.

"GET BACK HERE!" Chris shouted, shoving past Eddward as Nick followed him.

Martin rode through the original cul-de-sac and ends up in the lane, where Janet and Jason are having an after-school parade. Their baby sister, Oliva, was in Janet's arms as they both threw flowers everywhere. One flower landed on Martin's head. Martin attempted to get it off. He ended up swerving and crashing into the float, startling Oliva and making her start to cry.

"Jason, he scared Oliva!" Janet tattled. Jason growled and started running towards Martin, who turned around on the bike.

Nick was running towards Martin, carrying Chris on his shoulders.

"We got him now!" Chris said just as Martin passed them. He turned around on Nick's head, "That way, Nick!"

Nick turned around so Chris was facing towards where Jason was coming from.

"Which way, Chris?" Nick asked.

"Jason's coming!" Chris warned.

"Jason bad for Nick, Chris!" Nick cried, turning his body around and running away. Chris tried to steer Nick the other way. They ran off and Jason stopped at the end of the Lane.

"Yeah, you better run!" He yelled.

Martin was almost back at the school when Eddward stopped him.

"I'll give you three seconds to give me back my bike!" Eddward snapped. However, before he could start counting down, Nick and Chris ran over him. Martin sped off on foot and ran to the woods. Chris ran after him. Martin stopped a few feet inside, panting.

"Am I in the clear yet?" He asked himself. He heard snapping of leaves and twigs. Chris and Nick were right behind him, so he kept on running, deeper into the woods. His friends suddenly cut him off.

"Ah ha!" Chris said, "You're trapped! Now hand over the report cards!"

Martin pulled out an umbrella and the wind pushed him into the air, away from his friends.

"How'd he do that?" Chris asked.

"Like Mary Poppins, Chris," Nick said.

Martin landed right on top of Ryland, who was heading to practice.

"Oh, my apologies, Ryland," Martin said.

"Ow," Ryland said, "What the heck are you doing?"

"I'm trying to deliver Chris and Nick's report cards, but they're trying to hinder my ability to do so, and we were deep in the woods and that was the only escape I had," Martin said, stepping onto the ground. Ryland picked up Martin's glasses and handed them to him.

"Thank you, Ryland," Martin sighed, putting them back on, "Now, I must hurry."

"Be careful," Ryland said.

"I'll try," Martin said and kept running. At the end of the Lane, the Kanker's (Well, the children of the Kankers) trailer crashed through, with Chris on top and Nick pushing it along.

"Just like our report cards, you failed!" Chris said. Martin looked around for an escape, but there wasn't one.

Inside the trailer, the Kanker, Baxter, 2x4, and Sheppard kids were fighting over the fish their parents had made. Victor, however, was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, has anyone seen Victor?" June asked as she stole the fish that was supposed to be his.

"Not a clue," Martha said, snatching Jakob's fish.

"Maybe he's out doing farm work or something," James said, taking his sister's dinner and swallowing it.

Suddenly, Martin ran through the trailer.

"Excuse me, pardon me!" He said, "My apologies!"

He jumped out the window. Everyone stared in shock. Chris and Nick passed through, but Lily and June caught them.

"Hey, where you going?" Lily asked.

"Hey, aren't you gonna stick around for dessert?" June smiled.

"Get lost, Kank-" Chris was cut off when he started sniffing the air, "Do I smell fish?"

A little while later…

Martin collapsed in the cul-de-sac he lived in, the second on.

"So tired," He gasped, "So truly, beyond comparison, exhausted." He spotted Chris and Nick's houses right next to each other, "Must...continue...So...close." He stood up and ran over to Chris's yard, "I made it!"

Martin walked up to the front door. Suddenly, Nick jumped on Martin. Both him and Chris were covered in different colored lipstick marks from all the female Kanker children.

"Ah ah!" Chris said, "Now we got ya!"

He started rooting through Martin's bag, who smiled knowingly.

"Huh?" Chris said. He couldn't find the report cards, "Where-?"

He was cut off by a trumpet noise. Victor, Jason, Jakob, and Woody were all wearing their Urban Ranger uniforms. Victor was standing proudly in front of the others.

"Dearest leader, Victor," Jason began, "I hereby award you with the Report Card Delivery badge for a job well done!"

"Thank you, yes," Victor said proudly.

"So THAT'S where you were!" Jakob said. Martin nodded.

Our...report cards?" Chris asked, dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry, Chris," Martin said, "But like I said, I'm sure your parents will be very understanding and-"

He was cut off when Izzy walked over and grabbed Chris's wrist.

"Uh, Izzy?" Chris gulped.

"Mom would like to have a word with you, Chris," Izzy smiled evilly.

"No, wait! It's not my fault!" The teachers are out to get me, I tell ya!" Chris said as Izzy dragged him inside. Nick's mom reached over and took his hand, dragging him home.

"No auntie for Nick!" Nick cried, "Mommy, no auntie for Nick!"

Since practice was over, Ryland walked up behind Martin with a smile. Martin smiled and started walking home with Ryland.

"Sometimes one must learn their lesson the hard way," Martin said, shaking his head.

"Got that right, where should I start?" Eddward asked, leaning on his bike and glaring at Martin.