Author's Note: So this letter is for GuestJ, who gave me this very interesting suggestion: "How about a letter from Dean written anonymously to Dr. Phil expressing how he feels about lying to Sam about killing Amy?" I thought it sounded challenging, so of course I had to do it. :)So here is a letter from Dean to Dr. Phil taking place about a month after 7X03 "The Girl Next Door". I want to thank jojospn, mb64, reannablue, kingdommast, judyann, ClassyMuse, GuestJ, and SPNxBookworm for their awesome reviews. And thanks to everyone of you who reads/has read these!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

Dr. Phil,

Aside from the fact that I feel crazy just writing you this letter, I also have some stuff I think is weighing me down and I might benefit from your input. You're supposed to help people deal with their internal emotional conflicts and all that crap, right? Well I'm feeling pretty darn conflicted inside right about now. I'm hoping you can help.

So I've got this brother, you see. He's a good guy. The best kind of guy actually, and I've practically raised him since he was a baby. (And no, I'm not trying to toot my own horn when I follow up "he's the best" with "I raised him".) Anyway, we're in the same line of work. We work in…um…basically pest control. Only for the really nasty pests that are a hell of a lot more dangerous than your average ant or roach thing. So we do this extermination work together, and we pretty much always have. In all our years working together, we have never really had a problem agreeing that the pests we take care of need to, well, be taken care of. That is until recently.

On this one gig about a month back he wanted to protect the thing that we should have killed. In fact, he made me agree I wouldn't do anything at all to hurt it. I don't know what made him suddenly go all soft hearted, but he's my brother, so I agreed. Only I went behind his back and finished the job anyway, because someone had to do it... But instead of feeling good about a job well done, I only feel like I've done something terrible. What am I supposed to think?

I mean, I know I shouldn't feel bad for this particular pest. It had been putting lives in danger. Heck, I actually know that it took a few lives before I killed the thing…But I feel like killing it was still wrong. Like by doing so, I hurt my brother. Even though he doesn't even know what I did!

I guess that's what's bothering me, huh? I'm keeping a secret from him and I hate that. We've kept secrets from each other before and it never ends well. In fact it almost always ends really freaking badly. This one time he kept a secret about this chick he was dating…But more importantly, he kept it a secret that she'd made him start doing some pretty heavy drugs. Needless to say, that one spiraled out of control quickly. He only barely got out of the situation with his life.

He's not the only one who's tried keeping skeletons hidden in their closet. I've kept secrets from him too. One time I tried to hide it from him that I'd made a pretty bad business deal. One that would definitely screw me over eternally… Anyway, I didn't tell him because I wanted to protect him from it. In the end he was only more pissed at me because he figured out on his own what I'd done, and was furious I hadn't trusted him enough to tell him…And he was upset I didn't let him try and help me.

Jeez, we sound like a couple of teenage girls when I try explaining all of our drama! You know what though? This helped. I mean I'm totally never sending you this letter…But writing it helped. I finally figured it out. It's not what I did that's bugging me. I know I made a good call. It's the fact that my brother is going to be pissed and hurt that I broke my promise to him. That's what's clawing me up inside… I don't want him to be upset with me, because I don't like when we're not on good terms. I guess that's why I should tell him sooner than later, so he's less pissed than if I wait. I also suppose that's why I'm not going to say a thing to him about any of this, because the minute I do he'll be at least some level of pissed, and I can't handle that right now.

Damn this whole guilt thing sucks.

I just don't know how to break it to him without risking pushing him away, and I can't lose him right now. I need him too much.

Yup. Definitely time to find my zippo. This girly letter is toast.

Secondary Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Reviews and requests are greatly appreciated. :D