Tempest
Hammerhead Class Frigate (NC-114)
Sickbay, Deck B

Hess stood uncomfortably. In nothing but her underwear.

Which was ridiculous because it didn't even matter in about ten different ways.

Never mind that guy was a doctor to begin with and this was just an archaic version of your standard physical exam…he couldn't even see her. And if anyone had happened to walk in just then…they couldn't see her either.

She might as well have been doing the…whatever you call that dance…with the peacock feathers…

He was poking her in the stomach now. And what the heck was that supposed to determine?

She huffed a bit.

"So I don't get how this works. You can't scan me."

"Not with any accuracy, but doctors have been performing routine physical examinations for a very long time. The old fashioned methods are tried and true."

Hess sighed.

"Just relax." Andrews said.

"It's cold in here." She grumped.

"Helps prevent bacterial growth." He said.

And now he stood before her with his fingers lodged in her throat. After patting her blindly about the face for a minute, anyway.

Looking for lymph nodes, she figured.

"Warm, dark and wet." Andrews said. "Ideal conditions for bacteria, so we don't allow that in here."

She snorted a bit. Which was about as close to making the joke that popped into her head just then as she was going to get, thank you.

"What shift is it, Commander?" He asked.

"Gamma."

"Current president of Earth is…?"

"Lydia Littlejohn." Hess sighed. "I'm not losing my marbles, Doctor."

Andrews chuckled.

"Just part of the exam…uh, can you extend your arm?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Pulse and respiration. Having a little trouble finding…ah, there we are."

He held her wrist, checking her pulse. And put a hand on her…

"Uh…a little off target, Doctor..."

"Ah, sorry. Don't move, please."

The hand had already relocated, a bit lower and more central now. For the respiration thing.

After maybe a minute…

"Alright, everything looks fine." He announced. "Figuratively speaking, of course. And I'm sure you won't mind if we skip the pelvic exam…"

"I'm…not sure what that is but it doesn't sound like fun."

"I doubt you'd appreciate it."

"Then, yes, let's skip that."

Andrews grinned. "Good call. But let's run another urinalysis and blood chemistry…"

Hess huffed again.

"I'm going to run out of body fluids before tomorrow at this rate, you know."

The Doctor didn't say anything. He just fetched the cups from the tray over there and handed them over with a sympathetic smile.

Not quite at her. More over her shoulder somewhere since she was still a big fat blur, but whatever.

She took the cups with a sigh and made for the restroom.

"That…" Hess said, "...was the stupidest movie…I have ever seen…in my entire life."

Andrews laughed, where he sat in the exam chair beside her. Leaning back casually, watching the credits roll by on the screen over the bed. Chewing a probe cover with some very pearly white teeth.

"It wasn't so bad." He chuckled, gesturing at the screen with the probe cover now. "I liked the part at the end."

"You mean when they were running around lopping their heads off with meat cleavers? That part?"

He laughed. "How'd you guess?"

"Figures." She smirked.

Which, yeah, wasted smirk. But…

"No, wait. That doesn't figure. You're a doctor. I would have thought you'd be outraged at all the violence."

"Well, it's a movie." He pointed out, casually.

"Right, okay."

"And as a doctor…fewer patients for me to have to treat. So I approve."

"Because you're not going to be able to do much for the headless shape shifter guys."

"Naturally." He grinned. "Triage."

"Let's just never mind that they were eating people, right?"

"I took an oath, Commander." Andrews said, with mock sincerity. "I take that very seriously."

"Uh huh."

A moment of quiet, humorous introspection before the Doctor spoke again. Seriously, this time.

"I do wonder how decapitation matters if they were shape shifters, though. Did they even have heads?"

"So…you've got an actual 240A chip implanted in your brain?" Hess marveled. "Right now?"

"Standard price of admission." Andrews shrugged.

"And for that, they put you through medical school."

"That's how it works." He pointed out. "Sign up for the program, get chipped, free education. I picked medical school."

"Sure, why not? If they're paying for it and that chip let you blow right through the courses…that was the smart thing to do."

"It was only good for the first three years. After that it was at capacity and I had to learn everything else the hard way."

"So, wow. You actually did have to study." She smirked.

Andrews chuckled. "To put it mildly. But if there was ever a golden opportunity dropped in the lap of some random street rat from Old Detroit…that was it."

"That's still pretty impressive. What about the side effects?"

Andrews tilted his head a bit at that.

"Well…headaches now and then. Sometimes pretty bad. Sensitivity to bright lights, that sort of thing. Nothing I can't manage."

Hess frowned.

"I know a little bit about the 240A project, Doctor. And I know a lot of that wasn't exactly in the brochure."

Andrews grinned. "Commander, a dozen years ago I was sleeping in a cardboard box and prostituting myself for a meal. Today I'm a physician on a Starfleet vessel, light years away from Earth. Probably on my way to kick the Romulans in the teeth one good time before I go down for the count. I'm not one of those 240's agitating for reparations. I can handle a headache."

Hess pondered that.

"What about neural rejection syndrome?" She said, quietly. "The odds aren't exactly in your favor…"

"I've got a couple of decades before I have to worry about that." He said, simply. "I still consider it a good deal."

Hess nodded lightly.

So, okay.

"Okay." She said. "So…let's put the chip to work, Doctor. I think it's almost 2400 hours. Time for another round of 'poke the blur'."

Andrews squinted up at the ceiling for quick moment.

Checking some kind of internal chronometer, Hess suddenly realized.

"Yup, right on time, Commander. You sure you don't have a chip in there?"

"Pretty sure nothing more interesting that a bunch of Echo particles."

"Let's see how they're doing. Vitals first, so throw an arm out, if you would be so kind…"

The cuff tightened on her arm enough to be uncomfortable. Almost painful…

…then eased off a little. Then a little more…

…then completely in a short, final hiss.

Hess drew a breath. "Well?"

"I can confirm you're arm is still there, that your heart is still beating and that your blood pressure is impressively normal."

"How does that thing work, Doctor?" She asked peering at the odd contraption he was holding.

He considered it for a moment. "You're an engineer, so I can see how that might interest you. You pump up the cuff enough that it cuts off blood supply to the arm. Then, when you ease off on the pressure your heart eventually is able to overcome the constriction. This dial here indicates…"

"No, I mean how does it work?"

Andrews considered the device again.

"Oh. Just a pliable bulb that pumps air into the cuff. The stethoscope itself is just a cone with a stiff diaphragm cover that amplifies sound so you can hear the heart beat."

"I've never seen those before."

"Not even in an old movie? They were in common use up to hundred years or so ago. More recently than that, I think."

Hess just shrugged.

"Well, my professor gave me these." Andrews said, proudly. "There's a certain…sentimental value to them. I didn't think I'd ever actually use them, though."

She felt a little guilty all of a sudden.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Doctor. I hope it didn't…"

"No, no! It's alright." He laughed. "That's what they were meant to do. I'm actually glad I was able to use them. I guess I should thank you for getting…blurred…"

Having said that, Andrews frowned.

"We really ought to name this phenomenon." He said. "We did discover it, after all. What do you think?"

"The Hess-Andrews Echo effect." Hess said, immediately.

He considered that for a moment, before nodding decisively.

"It'd say that's perfect." Andrews proclaimed. "I'll note that in the medical log right away."

And he did so, right on his medical PADD.

"You think we'll be famous?" She asked, playfully.

"Only if you're contagious." He said, with mock serious.

Which was nicely funny…

At least she hoped he wasn't serious.

"So a bear walks into a bar." Andrews said. "He asks the bartender, 'Can I get a gin….and tonic?' Bartenders asks, 'Why the long pause?' The bears looks down at his paws and say, 'I don't know, just runs in the family.'"

Hess stared.

Then quirked a little frown.

Again, wasted considering she was a big blur here, but…

"Okay, that was pretty bad." She said. "But I've got you beat."

"Has to be a bad joke." Andrews pointed out, one finger raised to emphasize that point. "Has to be a joke but you can't make the other person laugh."

"I know, I got it." She assured. "So…two biscuits, sitting on a pan in an oven. One biscuit turns to the other one and says, 'Wow! It's really getting hot in here.' The other biscuit turns to him and screams hysterically, 'Ah! A talking biscuit!'"

Andrews squinted at that, thinking it over.

Until…

"Okay," He admitted. "That was worse than mine."

"I told you. I've played this game before."

"I almost laughed, though."

"Give it up, Doctor. You can't win this."

Doctor Andrews folded his arms thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair.

And Hess waited, giving him plenty of time. She was confident. There was no way he'd come up with a worse joke, that still qualified as a joke, than the biscuit thing.

Eventually he settled on whatever he settled on there. And he took a stab at it anyway.

"A man joins a monastery." He said. "And one of the rules of the order are that you have to take a vow of silence. You're only allowed to speak once a year and even then, only two words.

"After the first year the man is brought before the elders to share his wisdom. He says, 'Cold floors.' The elders consider that, reflecting deeply on the matter, then send him on his way.

"After the second year, they bring him before the elders to share his wisdom once more. He says, 'Terrible food.' The elders consider that and send him on his way again.

"After the third year, they bring him before the elders again. And the man says, 'I'm leaving'. To which the eldest of the elders replies, 'That's no surprise, you've done nothing but complain since you got here.'"

Hess…

…sputtered with laughter. Until she laughed out loud.

"Oh my God! You cheated!" She said, still laughing.

Andrews objected. "That's not cheating! I threw the contest!"

"I can't believe you did that!"

"You can't cheat to lose!"

"I was sitting here waiting for a bad joke!"

"It's not really that great a joke…"

"It's funny, though! It's not supposed to be funny!

Andrews smirked. "But I didn't cheat, though."

"Alright, help me find your diaphragm this time." Andrews smirked. "That's getting a little unprofessional."

Hess snickered.

"Here, hold out your hand, Doc." She said. "Okay, there you go…"

"And your wrist…got it. Alright, just relax…breath normally."

A minute or so…

"Okay, good. No change, vitals are strong."

Hess snorted, disbelieving.

"I can't believe this thing can blur you like this and not have any other effect at all."

"Nothing I've been able to detect, anyway." Andrews said. "I'd like to run a full battery once it finally…"

Hess waited for a moment.

Until she realized he wasn't going to finish.

"What?" She asked.

"Commander…you're back."

"My what?"

"No, you're back."

Hess just looked confused.

"You are back…just look down." Andrews said.

She looked down at herself.

And there she was.

She gasped in surprise. "Hey! I'm back! When did that happen?"

"Just now." Andrews said, clearly still a little startled himself. "You just…snapped into focus again."

"Wow." Hess said, appreciatively. "It's about time…oh, hey! What time is it?"

She might still have time…

"A little after 0200."

Oh.

She sighed. Of course.

"Damn." She whispered.

"What's wrong?" Andrews asked, naturally concerned.

"Nothing." Hess grumped.

So. Great. She was back and it still sucked.

Andrews was staring at her, though…

Wait, was there something else wrong?!

"What? What is it?" She asked, concerned.

He startled slightly. "Nothing!" He said. "I'd have to run a full battery, of course, in order…"

He paused again, considering something.

"What? What's wrong?"

He waved that away, absently.

"Nothing at all, it's just…don't take this the wrong way, Commander. I realize it will sound…"

He paused again.

And she wasn't sure whether to be alarmed or irritated now.

"What, Doctor?"

"Do you work out?" He asked, brow furrowed curiously. "Obviously you do, but…well, you're in incredible shape."

Hess blinked, drawing her head back a little at that one.

Andrews rushed to explain. "It's just that…your definition is remarkable. And you obviously do squats…"

"Uh…well…yeah." Hess said, hesitantly. "I…try to get to the gym when I can."

"I certainly hope that rubs off on the other engineers while you're here." Andrews frowned. "They all meet Starfleet standards of fitness, don't get me wrong, but I can barely get them to eat properly. How do you find the time? I barely manage a few hours a week."

"You work out, Doctor?"

"Wouldn't be much of physician if I didn't keep in shape myself." He smirked. "It'd be hard to argue with a certain Andorian around here about exoskeletal alignment if I didn't."

"Oh…well, I do my best thinking at the gym." Hess explained. "I figured out how to tweak brain wave signal deflection on the treadmill. For this telepresence unit we had to build, I mean. It was…"

Hess rethought that. Because…

"Well, that's actually a long story."

Andrews grinned. "You don't say."

Hess grinned back at that. Then realized…

"Oh…uh, can I?" She asked, gesturing vaguely.

Off somewhere in the general direction of not standing there in her underwear.

"Yes, of course. Top drawer." He said, pointing the way.

She found her jumpsuit, cleaned and pressed at some point apparently. And was half dressed again when she found herself suddenly quite bold.

"So you work out, huh?" She grinned, playfully. "Well, let's see what you've got there, Doctor."

Andrews looked surprised…then, interestingly enough, shy.

"Oh, I don't think that would…" He said, shyly.

"No, no." Hess said, zipping up her jumpsuit. "I showed you mine, you show me yours. That's only fair."

Andrews held his breath for a moment, trying to come up with an argument…then visibly caved and shrugged it off. Why not?

He reached and pulled his duty shirt up. Way, way up.

Woof.

Whoa, momma.

"I always end up working my abs and upper body," He said, frowning down at the abs in question. "Never seem to work any lower before something comes up. But, I figure the ladies like that, so it's not all bad."

Hess stared.

Because the ladies like that.

"That's…uh, impressive. Good…defin-…good work Doctor."

"Really need to work on my glutes a little more, I believe." He frowned. "Hardly seem to get to, though."

Hess nodded, staring. Because, right. Glutes or something.

Wait, glutes?

Andrews shrugged and grinned shyly. Dropping the shirt in the process, unfortunately.

"I got in the habit at the Academy actually. Just sort of stuck with it."

Hess nodded, making eye contact again. Now that she could.

"That's a…good habit." She said, nodding. A little too much.

God, wasn't it cold in here a minute ago?

"You know, we should work out together some time." Andrews said, as the thought occurred to him. "Maybe we can get something started."

Get…what?

"Huh?"

"With the crew." He explained. "I bet if we can get a few people together…"

"Good idea." Hess said, catching up. "We should do that."

Andrews nodded, happy with that.

And Hess twitched her head a little. To get her brain properly realigned again.

"So…" She said. "We probably want to do those tests before I run out of here."

"Right." Andrews said, immediately. "Shouldn't take a minute, then I can release you."

Okay, good. Because…woof.

"Not that I have anywhere to be at 0200 hours." Hess smirked. "But a nap wouldn't be unwelcome."

"You and me both." Andrews grinned. "I'm dead on my feet here. First, let's make sure of everything we couldn't before."

He had his medical scanner proudly in hand again. And she assumed the position, practically standing at attention, as he went to work.

No more than a minute, clean bill of health. A quick notation on the PADD and she found herself released back to active duty.

At 0224 hours. So the duty in question was to go to her quarters and hit the rack.

"So I'm thinking if movie night is a weekly event," Andrews said, as she prepared to leave. "What about the night after that? Make a regular, weekly thing of it."

Hess was confused.

"Huh?"

"The gym." He reminded her.

"Oh! Right…"

Hess considered that for exactly .3 seconds.

"…that sounds great. Tomorrow night then?"

"Tonight, technically." Andrews chuckled.

"Tonight." Hess agreed, grinning. "1800 hours works for me."

"I'll see you there."

"Okay." She smiled brightly. "See you there."