It was well after lights out when the team gathered together in the common room. An oil lamp lit their faces as they huddled around the table.
The plan was simple. Carter and Colonel Hogan would make an "escape", get caught, and that would hopefully throw off Klink's suspicions until the colonel regained his memory.
"Do you have everything you need?" LeBeau asked.
"Yep," Carter replied and tugged on his pack. There was a change of civilian clothes, some obviously forged documents, and a few other things to make the escape attempt look authentic.
"Sure do," Hogan echoed, pulling at his own pack strap.
"Stick to Carter like glue," Kinch ordered sternly.
"And when you get caught, let him do the talking," LeBeau added.
Suddenly Newkirk smacked his forehead and rubbed it. "Oh blimey, what are we thinking?! We're trusting Carter with this?"
"Hey!" Carter cried indignantly. "I know what I'm doing! I can botch an escape just as well as any of you!"
Newkirk shook his head then looked up looked up at the ceiling. "Bloody hell, we're all mad!"
"Well, I trust you, Carter," Hogan said.
"Now we know he is out of his head," LeBeau muttered to Newkirk.
"Are we sure this is a good idea?" Kinch said hesitantly. "You know you don't have to go with him, Colonel."
"Yes I do," Hogan insisted. "If I had my memory, I'd be able to keep Klink off our backs, and we wouldn't be in this mess. And if my memory doesn't come back, then I need to start pulling my weight around here."
"Sure, but even a fake escape attempt can be risky," Kinch pointed out.
"Aw c'mon guys!" Carter said. "I'll take good care of the Colonel. In fact-" Carter held up his wire cutters and then brought the handle down hard onto the colonel's head. Hogan dropped to the floor like a ton of bricks. The other men squawked in surprise.
"Carter! What the-" Kinch cried as he crouched down and checked Hogan over. "He's out cold."
"What were you thinking, Carter?" Newkirk demanded.
"I was thinking he's in no condition to go out with me, and if we tried to tell him to stay, he'd pull rank."
"So naturally your solution was to assault him," LeBeau drawled as he rolled his eyes.
"It'll keep him out of trouble!" Carter insisted. "Besides, maybe a smack on the head is just what he needs to get his memory back."
"Carter how many times do we have to tell you, head injuries don't work like that!" Newkirk said, exasperated.
"The only thing you did was give him a headache," Kinch grumbled. "If Klink doesn't throw you into the cooler tonight, the Colonel would!"
"And you will be in trouble with Wilson," LeBeau said darkly.
That made Carter flinch. "Oh, uh. You're not going to tell him, are you? Look, I'm sure the colonel will be fine and it's much safer this way." Carter tossed the wire clippers up and caught them before tucking it into his jacket. "I'd better go before he comes to."
"I'd wish you luck," Newkirk said, "but I'm not sure you deserve it!"
Carter clicked his tongue and hurried towards the door. Kinch and Newkirk hefted the colonel off the floor and held him between them, dragging him to his room.
"Good luck Carter," Newkirk said lowly. Carter nodded and then quickly ducked out the door.
The compound was quiet and the moon was barely a sliver in the sky. Under the cover of darkness, Carter dodged between the barracks, shying away from the spotlight as it swept over the camp. He couldn't get caught too early. If he could make it to the wire and maybe cut at it a bit, that would be perfect.
As he got closer to the wire, he heard Schultz huffing and puffing. Perfect. Schultz knew they were planning and escape, which meant he was less likely to be trigger happy. Not that Schultz kept his rifle loaded anyway.
Carter peeked out from behind a barracks wall and scanned the area. Sure enough, Schultz was making his rounds along the wire. Carter waited for him to just barely pass him and then scurried out and rushed to the wire. He swore he could have reached out and touched the back of Schultz's jacket as he passed, but the guard hadn't noticed him at all.
"Oh boy," he mock-whispered as he pulled out his wire cutters. "This has sure been easy so far." He made a show of opening the cutters and snapping one of the wires. "Yessiree, in a few hours I'll be all the way to Switzerland."
Carter looked over his shoulder, but Schultz was already well beyond hearing range. "Boy, what does it take for a guy to get caught escaping around here?" he huffed. Dropping his cutters, he crossed his arms over his chest and fell back against the wire. They shuddered and clanked, which drew a searchlight over, but it didn't fall directly over. It swept the area, somehow missing him, before turning back to its usual sweep. "How do you like that?! Newkirk should've wished me bad luck!"
Eventually, Schultz turned to come back his way. With exaggerated movements, and with no attempt to be quiet, Carter went back to cutting the wire. When Schultz walked past him again, Carter snorted. Well, so much for being subtle.
"Psst! Schultz! Schultz!"
Nothing.
Carter grimaced. Dropping down to one knee, Carter slipped his pack off his shoulder and rummaged through it. A moment later, he pulled out a covered plate of strudel. LeBeau had packed it just in case such a situation arose. Taking the lid off, he used it to waft the smell in Schultz's direction. Almost instantly, Schultz stopped in his tracks and began to look around. Carter quickly stuffed the plate back into his bag and noisily went about cutting the wire.
"What, where… Carter! Was ist los? Carter what are you doing-" Schultz cut himself off. He faced screwed up tightly for a moment before the proverbial light bulb went off. Quickly he grabbed his rifle and pointed it at Carter. "Achtung! Achtung! Prisoner escaping! Prisoner going over the wire!"
"Took you long enough!" Carter huffed before throwing his hands up in the air. The commotion drew the searchlight to him, and a few dogs barked before running up with their handlers. Carter stood motionless until Kommandant Klink finally made it out to inspect the situation.
"Ah-ha! Ah-ha! I knew you prisoners were up to something!" Klink cried. "You thought you were being clever! Thought you could lull me into complacency! Well! I was on to you the whole time!"
"Yes sir. Boy, there's no fooling you," Carter said humbly.
"When will you prisoners learn that no one escapes Stalag 13? No one!"
"I'm sure it'll stick eventually, sir."
"Well perhaps thirty days in the cooler will help it 'stick' in your head," Klink said as he stamped his foot. "Schultz, take him away!"
"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant." Schultz slung his rifle over his shoulder and grabbed Carter's arm. "Into the cooler with you. Into the cooler!"
Carter let Schultz pull him along. When they were out of sight of the other guards, Schultz dropped his arm. "I think that fooled him," Schultz said.
"I think so too. Now he won't be sniffing around anymore and we can carry on with the PBAs in peace."
"Ja, but it is a shame you have to be in the cooler for thirty days," Schultz said with a tsk.
"Aw, it's okay. When the colonel gets his memory back, he'll talk Klink into letting me out." Provided, of course, that he wasn't still sore at him for smacking him over the head.
"The winners will be announced soon, won't they?"
"Yep. Voting ends on April 5th. The results will be posted soon after. And then the colonel will get to read the best stories, his memory will come back, and lickety-split I'll be a free man again!"
"Oh that will be nice. You will not have to wait long."
When they arrived at the cooler, Schultz grabbed Carter's bag and wire cutters, but paused before he opened the cell door. "Carter, is it just my imagination, or did I smell strudel earlier?"
"Had to get your attention somehow; you're terrible at your job! It's in the bag, Schultz."
Eagerly, Schultz opened the sac and rummaged through it. First he pulled out the fake papers. He scanned them and tsked. "Such shoddy workmanship," he scolded.
"It wasn't a real escape," Carter reminded him.
"Oh, ja. Hmmm." Schultz finally pulled out the strudel and practically giggled in delight. "Wunderbar!" He hesitated for a moment before handing a piece to Carter.
Carter accepted it with a grin. "Thanks, Schultz!"
"You are welcome. And now, into the cooler. In, in, in." Schultz bumped Carter with his hip, sending Carter stumbling into the cell. Then Schultz closed the heavy door and slowly marched off. It wouldn't do to report to the Kommandant too quickly with Carter's belongings. He had shared too much strudel already!
Yes folks, there are only TWO days before voting ends! You can still submit your votes via PM, email, or survey as long as it is April 5th somewhere in the world! Don't delay. Vote today! (Or tomorrow. Or Friday.) See chapters 31-33 for more information.