Chapter 34 her service
Meredith made her away to the neo natal unit, surprised to be paged by Satan so early in the morning. The thought of being on her service really didn't appeal, she wanted to be cutting into brains, reading CTs, researching new techniques and, working with Derek, that was what she really wanted. He made everything so much easier, and she missed him when he wasn't around. And now as she headed into a day of hell with his ex wife she felt an uneasy feeling taking over her.
So far she hadn't had anything to do with Addison; she had been on Bailey's service, Marks service and mainly Derek's...but now the women who had made Derek's life hell, and Alex's too, had requested her! She thought herself lucky till now; to have escaped for so long.
You can do this; you can do this she chanted to her as she walked round the corner as she spotted her up ahead.
She shook her head as she took in the salmon clad Doctor ahead of her, salmon who in their right mind wore salmon.
'Dr Montgomery?' Meredith asked as she approached Addison.
'Dr Montgomery Shepherd, I'm still married' she shot back as she pushed open the door to the special care room, and allowed it to close in Meredith's face.
Meredith followed into the room and noticed Addison tending to a baby in the far corner of the room. 'You paged me?' she asked quizzically as Addison continued to fuss over the tiny baby in the incubator in front of her,
'I did.' She whispered as she let the baby grab her little finger 'every other attending seems to have had the pleasure of you on their service so today I pulled a few strings, made a few requests of my own'
'OK' Meredith stressed, confused 'you have requested me so it helps to give me something to do'
'I will, in time, what's the rush? Somewhere else you would rather be?'
'Well I'd rather be cutting into brains then delivering babies but I guess a change is as good as a rest'
'you think your smart don't you, waltzing into town, picking up the pieces of the heartbroken neuro surgeons heart, coming in here with an attitude..'
'What? I don't have an attitude'
'You don't deny the attachment to my husband I see'
'ex husband' Meredith shot back as Addison stood up and moved closer to her, a musty smell suddenly filling her nostrils as she walked past her.
'Not until I sign the papers Dr Worthington, I'm nobody's ex until the ink is dry!'
'He thinks of you as an ex, he doesn't want you' Meredith replied, the anger slowly building in her voice
'what Derek says and what he thinks tend to be two very different things Dr Worthington, believe me I should Know, so if he is promising you the world, don't believe it for a second, he is to wrapped up in his career to ever put a women first'
'Derek is an amazing surgeon, he has reason enough to invest time in his work, he is one of the best'
'One of...see...there lies the problem...one of the best, he won't put anyone first again until he is the best'
'You were married to him for 11 years yet you talk about him like you don't know him at all'
'I know him better than most and Derek Shepherd doesn't put work before anyone or anything'
'Really? So last week when I needed something, and he cancelled a craniotomy and rescheduled a meeting with the board, so he could be there...that was him putting work first?' Meredith snapped, unable to control her temper any longer 'you had him and you lost him, and it seems to me, and everybody else that he is a better person for walking away, he most definitely isn't looking back'
Meredith jumped as the door flung open to reveal mark standing in the door way
'Are you ok?' he asked looking over to Meredith
'I'm ok' Addison replied as she took a few steps towards mark
'I wasn't talking to you red, I was more interested in Meredith, sharing the same air space as you for a few minutes is enough to knock anyone sick' he snapped as he side stepped Addison and closed the gap between himself and Meredith.
'Are you ok?' he asked again, trying to read the look on her face
'Yeah, I swear, I'm ok, I let her have it' she smiled as mark but his hand up as if to High 5 her!
'I heard' he laughed 'but still just wanted to check'
The pair were interrupted as the sound of Addison's pager filled the room
'911 lets go' Addison demanded as she flounced out of the room
Meredith stared at the space Addison had vacated and sighed, it was going to be a long day!
Derek came out of his session with Dr Wyatt feeling slightly better about his situation, the only way he would ruin his friendship with Meredith was if he over stepped the line, he had to make himself rules, he had to get himself a marker and draw a big...line
'Hey man' Derek jumped as mark tapped him on the shoulder and placed a coffee down in front of him
'Hi' Derek smiled back at his best friend as he took the coffee to his lips and felt himself instantly relax as the caffeine began to run through his veins.
'You ok? You kind of look not ok' mark asked as he sat down alongside Derek
'I'm just working through some things' he sighed as mark placed his hand on his shoulder
'You need to talk?'
'Maybe, yeah, but not now, I just can't now'
'You're not dying or anything are you?' mark asked seriously as he saw the look of worry spread over Derek's face.
'No I'm not dying, I'm a picture of health, and my body is a temple' he smiled as he saw mark physically relax in front of him 'Have you seen Meredith today?' he asked, trying to keep his voice calm as he spoke
'Yeah she drew the short straw today huh?'
'If by that you mean Addison then yes, the incredibly short straw.'
'Yeah I mean Addison, earlier she was really laying into Meredith, and Meredith just let rip – told her a few home truths you'd be proud of your little girlfriend'
'What? Meredith isn't my girlfriend, why would you say that?'
'sorry man it was a joke, I don't know what you and Meredith are, but I know you both seem happier in each other's company, she's nice'
'Yeah she is nice, and we are friends, just friends, Addison was laying into her? About what? Is she ok? ' he sighed as he placed his head in his hands
'She's ok, more than OK I'd say, when I interrupted Meredith was definitely belittling Addison, she wasn't holding back'
'I hate that she is on her service, Addison has done this on purpose, definitely on purpose, and Meredith, she might pretend to be strong, but she isn't...'
'I can see that man, I really can, she's vulnerable, and has the weight of the world on her shoulders, even I've noticed that, and that's saying something, I don't even look at her and comment on how perfect her body is, I just see...pain...or something'
'You won't ever just see her body, EVER mark!'
'What's up? Did you make a move and she turned you down?'
'No nothing like that, nothing at all, I won't be making a move, not now, not ever, she isn't ready, I don't think she will ever be ready, not again'
'Again?'
'Not now, I can't now, come by the trailer when you get off? Fishing, beer?'
'I'm there man, I'm there' he smiled as he left Derek sitting alone once again in the cafeteria.
'Stacey James, 34, 32 weeks pregnant, stage 3 lymphoma, refused further treatment to carry on with her pregnancy, showing signs of early labour...'
Meredith didn't hear the end of Addison's speech; one word had ensured she shut off in an instant...lymphoma...
'Dr Worthington, are you with me?' she heard as she was alerted back to the situation in front of her
'Dr Worthington...'
'Yeah sorry, yeah'
'If you think you can pay attention for more than 2 minutes then do you think you could page the team and tell them we have a preemie on the way. Dan I know this is an impossible situation, but we can't have you in there, not for an emergency section, we will be back with news as soon as possible'
'what no, she can't come, not yet, it's too early, please' Stacey begged from the bed, her frail body showing the signs of exhaustion, her skin pale, her tiny frame showing little sign of pregnancy apart from the bump that she cradled in her hands, the tears streaming down her face. 'Dan please, tell them, tell them please'
'Stacey I know you are scared, but we have been through this' Addison spoke softly as she ran her hands over Stacey's, we were going to have to induce at some point, but your baby girl can't wait, she wants to make an appearance, she wants you to get well, she needs her mommy strong.'
Meredith was surprised at the tone in Addison's voice; it was so heartfelt, so loving...she never expected that.
'Dr Worthington is going to prep you for a c section; you are too weak to deliver naturally, we need to get moving fast Stacey, but I need you not to be scared. I need you to have faith in me, please'
The pair stood back as they let the couple have a moment together
'Dan, if I don't...'
'Don't say that, please, you can do this, we will be a family'
'I don't want it to be just you, it can't be just you, make sure they fight for our baby Dan, make them fight...' Stacey sobbed as they began to wheel her away through the ER.
As Addison looked up, she was surprised to see tears staining Meredith's cheeks as she remained rooted to the spot, watching a broken Dan walking towards the waiting room.
'I don't want you to be alone Meredith...'
From the side of the room Mark stood watching the exchange, and Meredith's frozen form mesmerized him as Addison walked away with the patient, but she remained rooted to the spot , the tears on her face fresh, free flowing. The sound of Addison shouting her bringing her back to the moment as she ran off towards the OR.
Mark did the only thing he could think of as being a good idea, and pulled out his phone to text Derek
'Satan on the war path, Meredith upset, heading to OR STAT'
As Meredith and Addison stood scrubbing in, looking through the window into the OR at Stacey lying on the table waiting for them; an uneasy silence drifted through the air.
'Are you ok Dr Worthington? You have been quiet since Stacey arrived?'
'I'm fine' Meredith stated as she rung her hands repeatedly under the water, her eyes never leaving Stacey's frail body on the table 'I'm fine'
Addison looked over at Meredith, hurt and pain now etched all over her face and felt something change 'this isn't going to be easy, the baby, and Stacey are at great risk, if you don't think you can handle it then now is the time to say, I can't have you freaking out in there!' she said, a little blunter than she intended to.
'I said I'm fine' Meredith snapped as she dried her hands and marched into the OR.
Stacey lay on the table, awaiting the anaesthesiologist to come and put her to sleep. Usually with a C section the patient would be awake, but with the baby still so tiny, and Stacey's condition and urgent need for treatment it had been in the birth plan all along that she would be put to sleep for the procedure to give both of them a chance to fight, to survive.
'Hey' Meredith smiled as she stood alongside Stacey and offered her hand for encouragement. Stacey took the hand at once 'I'm scared Dr Worthington, I'm so scared'
'Its Meredith, call me Meredith' she smiled as she soothed her hand, rubbing her fingers over Stacey's left hand, providing the support she needed.
'I'm not scared of dying' Stacey whispered as Addison entered from the scrub room 'I'm scared of Dan being alone, having no one, if anything should happen to me, or the baby, I don't want it to be just him' she sobbed as Meredith felt the tears prickling her own eyes again.
'It's good not to be scared, you are so brave to feel like that, but what I need is you to fight ok? In a few moments your baby girl is going to be here, and she needs her mommy and her daddy, you have to fight, promise me you will fight' Meredith croaked, the tears streaming down her cheeks 'don't leave the people you love, you have to fight, you can beat this, it's not too late, its stage 3, not stage 4, and we are going to do everything we can to get you through this, so make sure you do to ok.'
'I'll fight Meredith, I promise you I'll fight' Stacey smiled as she tried to read the pain that sat on Meredith's face.
'Don't let this change who they are forever, don't let this beat you' Meredith sobbed, wiping her eyes, trying to hide her face from Addison, to ensure she wasn't kicked out of the OR.
'Meredith?' Stacey whispered
'Yes?'
'I'm sorry, for your loss, I'm sorry' Stacey said as she held Meredith's gaze a few moments longer
'How?'
'I'm just sorry' she whispered as the anaesthesiologist stepped forwards to send Stacey off to sleep.
'See you in a short while Stacey' Meredith whispered as she turned to pay attention to the screen that was now monitoring the baby's heart rate.
'Dr Worthington'
Derek's voice filled the room as she looked up to the gallery and noticed him speaking into the phone that connected to the OR; he smiled down at her as he placed his hand on the glass, as if reaching out to her.
'its a beautiful day to save lives' he winked, relief washing over his body when he noticed her smile, behind the scrub mask it was obvious, her eyes grew, the sparkled back at him and he could tell she was thankful of his presence.
She watched him sit back down alongside mark, 3 pairs of eyes now firmly focused on her – Derek, mark and Addison.
'If we have finished with the hallmark movie moment do you think we could save this ladies life and her baby's too' she snapped as she reached over to pick up the scalpel ready to make the first cut.
Addison worked efficiently and effortlessly as she delivered the baby, her tiny cries filling the room, as Stacey's heart rate remained steady...
'she is tiny but strong' Addison announced to the room, and a collective sigh of relief could be heard through the OR and the gallery above as she handed the baby over to Meredith, entrusting her to do the early checks, with the peds resident beside her.
As the baby was cleaned and weighed, she was placed into the waiting incubator ready to be moved up to the NICU, her breathing was a little wavered, but that was to be expected in such a tiny baby, her lungs surprisingly strong she was placed on oxygen as a precaution more than anything, but the effort of breathing was going to be exhausting to such a tiny little girl, so anything they could do to help would give her the very best chance of surviving.
'Dr Worthington can you please accompany the baby up the NICU as I close the mother?'
'Stacey, you mean while you close Stacey, she has a name' Meredith snapped back angrily.
'I'm sorry, yes, Stacey, whilst I close Stacey' she smiled over at Meredith.
As Derek looked on down from the gallery he rose from his seat and set to find Meredith but mark pulled him back
'What ever it is she is going through let her do this alone, for now, she survived her down there, let her see this through, don't hover'
'Ok where is Mark Sloan and what have you done with him?' Derek laughed as mark stood alongside of him and headed to the door.
'Just give her some time to see this through' he sighed as the pair headed out of the gallery
'coffee?'
Meredith looked down at the petite baby girl in front of her, 10 tiny little fingers and toes, so small but perfectly formed, her chest rising and falling with the help of a machine, a precaution for the time being, her eyes covered by white eye pads to protect her from the UV light that flooded her incubator, to combat the early signs of jaundice...she was just adorable, and she was a fighter like her mommy, she was just perfect.
'Meredith' Addison's voice filled the air quietly as she walked up to stand beside her and the baby 'How is she?'
'She is a fighter like her mommy' Meredith replied, her hand resting on the glass, the closest she get to the little girl without touching her and risking infection.
'Meredith...' Addison's voice quivered as Meredith turned to face her
Meredith heard the pain in her voice as she allowed her eyes to meet Addison's for the first time since their earlier argument that morning.
'Oh god no, please don't say it' Meredith sobbed as she felt her legs begin to shake beneath her
'Stacey coded on the table, when we went to close up, the pressure on her body just got too much, we fought for her, we really fought...# Addison drifted off as Meredith collapsed before her, the sobs taking over her body, her heart breaking at the words Addison was sharing.
Addison looked down at her broken form, curled up tight on the floor, struggling for breath, a panic attack engulfing her body.
'I...cant...I...oh god...I'
Addison sat down on the floor beside Meredith, rubbing her back, pulling her hair back out of her face, encouraging her to slow her breathing, to relax
'Meredith, you have to breath, please, slow deep breaths, look at me please'
'I'm sorry, I...I...just...it can't...not again...'
'Breathe Meredith, slow, you can do it, look at me, breathe'
'I'm sorry, sorry'
'You don't have to be sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't save her;
'its not your fault, its life, life is so unfair, its a horrible disease, horrible' she sobbed as Addison did the only thing she thought would help, and she wrapped her into her arms, soothing her as her tears fell.
'the lymphoma was a factor Meredith, but it can't solely be to blame, her blood didn't clot quick enough, she bled internally which put pressure on her heart, she was to weak'
'He was too weak, he didn't deserve it, neither did she' Meredith cried as she pulled herself from Addison's grasp and tried to stand. The day's events taking its hold on her as she stumbled as she made her way to the door
'Meredith' Addison called as she fled the room 'Meredith wait' she repeated as she headed to the door after her.
'What the hell did you do to her' Derek's voice boomed down the corridor as he watched Meredith flee ahead of him, and Addison running out after her from the room.