Chapter 35

Responses! To daughterofathena2014, Ezra isn't seeing the Ghost crew in his dreams, but he's hearing their voices. If he saw them, he'd be confused because it goes against what he thinks is true.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars Rebels or its characters.

The silence was deafening.

It was as if a part of Kanan's mind wasn't there. Even if Ezra was hidden from him, even if Kanan had been blocked out, in the back of his head, Ezra was still there.

Now Kanan couldn't sense Ezra even if he tried.

He hated it.

No matter how hard Kanan tried to focus on something else, anything else, it all came back to the dark spot that was blaringly obvious.

And it hurt.

Kanan had never felt so disconnected before. Accessing the Force was a challenge; all of his attempts only brought forth the torn part of his mind, mocking him.

Showing what he had lost.

"What's it like?"

Kanan looked towards Zeb. For the past hour Zeb had been asking random questions, anything that would keep Kanan's thoughts away from the lost bond, even for a few minutes. It succeeded in distracting him, and for that Kanan was grateful.

Anything that would him away from the darkness was appreciated.

"You might want to be more specific than that." Kanan answered.

"What's it like….being a Jedi?" Zeb elaborated, refusing to meet Kanan's eyes. Kanan was surprised; usually Zeb stayed away from topics concerning Kanan's "occupation".

"It's….hard," Kanan started, "But the reward is worth it. Being able to serve the galaxy and its occupants, even if some of them don't want it."

"You get lonely?"

"Sometimes. I remember when there were plenty of Jedi, and the galaxy was bright. Even after all these years, it still shocks me at how different it is than before."

"I guess I can understand that. There used to be a lot of Lasats."

Kanan went silent. Zeb almost never talked about his race. It was a forbidden subject on the Ghost; the only reason Hera got away with telling Ezra about it was because she did it to help him understand what was going on. Otherwise, no one talked about it, especially Zeb.

"You still have us," Kanan finally said, "And we're here for you."

"I know that. But that doesn't make the fact that I'm one of the few Lasats left any better. Just like it doesn't make the fact that you are one of the few Jedis left any better."

"But it does help."

"I suppose so."

The two of them fell into a semi-comfortable silence. Kanan stood by what he said, that it did help. And it did. They were his family, and Kanan knew that he wouldn't be here today if it weren't for them. They helped become the man he was today, just as he helped them.

And that was why he would never rest until Ezra was safe and back on the right path.

"So….how much do you want to bet that after everything's over, I'm going to walk into my room and find it covered in Sabine's paintings?"

Kanan couldn't help but laugh.

"What do you mean you don't want him back?!"

Chopper made some indignant beeps before waving its arm around, seemingly in a placating motion, all the while backing up towards the door.

"Oh no you don't," Sabine said, grabbing onto Chopper before he could escape, "You aren't getting out of this one! Now explain."

Chopper responded by turning around and going silent.

"I will paint you," Sabine threatened, holding up her paint as a threat. She put some blue paint on her hand and held it over Chopper's head. "Better start talking, because the paint's starting to drip."

Chopper squirmed out of Sabine's hold, watching the paint warily, before giving a groan of resignation and let out a series of beeps.

"You're angry at him? I don't really see how that's an excuse to leave him there."

More beeps, along with a little shriek at the end.

"He made Hera sad? After the rescue mission?" Sabine asked, getting a nod in response. "You can't blame him for that. If you want to blame anyone, blame the Inquisitor."

Chopper gave another wave with his arm and let out a groan, signifying his stubbornness.

"Look, Chopper," Sabine sighed, leaning back against her bed. "Do you think that Hera would be happy if Ezra had gone with them and they all ended up dying?" Silence. "It would have been just you, Hera, and I left. It would have only made things worse."

Chopper came to rest beside her and let out what sounded like a sigh.

"It's so easy to blame someone, even when it's not their fault. Things happen," Sabine continued, "Forcing the blame on someone only makes things worse. Now, do you really don't want Ezra back?"

Chopper sent out some groans before shaking his head.

"I thought so. No matter what you say, you don't hate Ezra. I'm pretty sure that you miss him too, don't you?"

Chopper gave a furious shake of his head at that, sending out some angry beeps, causing Sabine to laugh.

"Whatever you say, rust bucket, whatever you say."

Sabine gave Chopper a pat on the head before getting up from the floor, shaking the paint from her fingers.

"I'm going to go see if Hera needs anything. You coming?" Sabine asked, stopping at the door.

Chopper shook his head and waited for Sabine to leave before exiting himself, winding up at a similar door. Entering, he gazed at the empty beds where three of his comrades had slept, three that would be dead according to Sabine if Ezra had gone with them.

Setting himself down across from the painting of Zeb and Ezra, Chopper stared at it, pondering. Did he really miss the kid? Chopper knew that with him around things were always interesting. The kid made things….fun.

He made Hera happy.

He made everyone happy.

He even made Chopper happy, even if it came from him shocking the kid.

Maybe Chopper did miss him.

But only a little bit.

He'd still kill him when he came back.