The double doors slid open as she practically ran into the bustling hospital. In the midst of her panic, she was able to flash her ID at the STRIKE guys so that they would let her through. Not that it mattered; she'd push her way past them if she had to. Anything so she could get to where she needed to be faster.
The hospital was chaotic: people - all of them SHIELD: doctors, agents, and anyone in between, running around as they tried to take care of different things all at the same time. She spotted Dawson and Maria Hill talking closely, in hushed tones. He looked agitated: one hand on his hip, other gesturing to her almost aggressively, feet squared and expression both worried and grave. Maria had both hands on her hips, looking serious and trying to get a word in, but he kept cutting her off. Q didn't pay attention to them. She had a one track mind, all that mattered was finding Cap. His call worried her, especially considering what he said.
After the utter disaster that happened outside the Thai restaurant, she had retreated home to try and make sense of it all. She knew she had fucked up. Admitting her feelings for him was certainly supposed to happen, but it wasn't supposed to happen that soon. And when the time came, she went in the complete opposite direction. Acting on instinct. Saying the first thing that came to mind. Fucking everything up.
For so long, she had leaned on her graphs and charts to help her make decisions about The Big Stuff. It was safer when she did; then she knew one of her plans would work. Calculated risks. Thanks to her graphs and charts, she knew all the different results that could happen.
Yet, she hadn't prepared for that outcome. Her reliance on both her graphs and her knowledge of Cap's behavior had failed her. Her graphs and charts were useless now. Her pro and con list didn't mean a thing. She hadn't planned for if he admitted his feelings for her first because she just didn't think that it could ever happen. Why would it? A large part of her was unsure that he even liked her like that, so she never even considered it.
But then he said all those things. Like how she made him happy. She did that. Q didn't even know she made anyone happy - sometimes she didn't even make herself happy. Then he continued by dropping that bomb on her: that he had feelings for her. And she reacted….terribly. All she needed to do was tell him that she felt the same; she did, but instead she had said the worst thing possible - insisted on it, in fact.
Then, all she felt was embarrassment. And self-hatred. Why couldn't she had just said that she felt the same? Clearly it was obvious, if he was able to call her out on it. It just...caught her off guard and she reacted poorly. God, she was so stupid. She always did this. Had a good thing in right in front of her, right in reach, and then did whatever it took to make sure she could never have it.
She hated herself. Why did she have to be so reliant on her graphs and charts? Why couldn't she just be normal and take a leap of faith without worrying about the aftereffects? She used to do it all the time. Granted, that was what landed her in jail, but she used to be less anal about these sorts of things. Going with her gut rather than whatever the data points told her to do.
And that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that he seemed so disappointed in her for lying to him. She knew how to deal with her own self-hatred, but his disappointment was a new thing she was still struggling with. She wasn't sure if he had ever been this disappointed in her before. She wasn't expecting him to be, but it was clear from the way he left things that he was. She was ready for anger or yelling - something that other guys had done whenever they tried to advance past the casual sleeping together stage and into the relationship stage. When he had pointed out where her excuse had holes and saw through her defense, he didn't turn it into an anger filled argument - instead just leaving her to drown in her own mistakes until she learned how to swim back to shore and admit she had lied. Which both of them knew she had.
Figuring they needed the night to calm down, she retreated back to her apartment to nurse her self-given wounds. Even though it didn't matter anymore, she went over her graphs and charts, her pro and con lists just to be sure she didn't miss something that was right in front of her face. Minus the self-hatred and embarrassment, she felt stupid for even trying to rely on numbers for something that was so clearly emotional. She knew from experience that it could be hard to track emotions, since they could change on a dime. But she thought she had spent enough time with Cap to know what his triggers were. Sam was the new player - she wasn't prepared for him to have such an impact in such a short amount of time.
Then she started to try and move forward, coming up with a small plan of what she needed to do the next time they saw each other. As much as she wanted to tell him that she felt the same, she was too embarrassed and angry at herself. Thankfully, he seemed to be the type of person to have enough sense not to bring it up again, but it would still make for a few awkward weeks until she gathered up enough courage to really tell him.
Though the universe was against her that night. Less than a two hours into her pity party, she got a call from Cap. He quickly and seriously told her that someone had attacked his apartment, Fury had been shot and he had lost the shooter during his pursuit. Q needed to get to the hospital as soon as she possibly could.
All thoughts of what happened a few hours earlier had melted away; she didn't care about what was said or what wasn't said, or how she felt or made him feel. She just needed to know what happened and make sure that he was okay. Her heart was in her throat the entire drive to the hospital. She ignored traffic laws: sped, ran red lights and made some risky moves in an effort to get there as fast as she could.
Pushing the door to the observation room open, she took three quick strides over to where Cap was turning away from the window. She didn't even say hello, just immediately looking him over for any signs of injury. She let her hands push past his jacket, feeling his waist and dragging her hands over to his chest and abdomen. Her eyes scanned where her hands were before moving up to his face, not noticing his confused expression,
"Are you alright? Are you hurt? What happened? Tell me you're okay." she said quickly, trying to get everything out in one breath. He moved to stop her hands, gently pulling them away from where she was inspecting him.
"I'm fine." he said, getting her eyes to finally lock on his, "I'm fine, Q, really." While his expression looked serious, there was also a sadness behind his eyes that was only noticeable up close. She didn't realize that he was so affected by what happened to Fury.
At the thought of Fury, she turned to the massive glass window that looked inside the operating room. There was a team of doctors moving around the table where Fury laid, motionless. He had tubes coming out of every available part of his body and he looked...well, he looked dead. It was startling to see him like that. Ever since she joined SHIELD, she thought of him as this intimidating man who was able to control even the most powerful of heroes. But now, he looked like nothing more than another person who had been shot.
"What happened?" she managed out, stepping up to the window. A rock settled in her stomach; it didn't look good. She stared at the room on the other side of the window. There was the usual hustle and bustle of an operating room: the surgeon was shouting orders, mixing with the sounds of the different machines he was hooked up to, everyone in the room moving like they were in a dance. A symphony of organized chaos.
"He was at my apartment when I got home," Cap started. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see his reflection in the glass, but she refused to look at him. She was afraid if she looked away from the scene on the other side, everything would go to shit, "And the next thing I know, there were two blasts, then another. Someone shot him through the wall of the apartment - three times. I tried to go after the shooter, but I lost him on the roof of the building across the street." Her gaze shifted from the operating room to his reflection and she fixed him with a serious look.
"What aren't you telling me?" she asked quietly. Fury wasn't known for unexpected house visits unless it was important. She held his gaze in the reflection before turning around to truly face him. He shrugged, looking away from her as he slipped his hands into his jacket pockets.
"Nothing." he answered, trying to appear casual. She licked her lips and nodded, knowing he was lying to her. As much as she wanted to fight him on it, she knew it was not the time or place. And it was not her biggest concern at the moment.
"Is he gonna make it?" she asked, turning back to the window. She crossed her arms over her chest and continued to watch the surgery. Cap stepped up next to her, resting his fists on the windowsill and leaning his body forward.
"I don't know." he responded solemnly. A lump in her throat formed as she tried to keep her emotions in check. She didn't want to think about what would happen if he didn't.
They stood there in silence as other SHIELD agents and guards came in and out of the observation room, all of them wondering the same thing: Was Fury going to pull through? Maria joined them at one point, greeting Q quietly before standing off to the side. The pair weren't extremely close - mostly because Maria worked in the New York office, but both of them respected and liked the other.
Time moved slowly and things were not improving. It was close to one in the morning when Nat burst through the door of the observation room, out of breath and looking worried. She hurried up to the window, standing in between Cap and Maria. She asked the same question Q had hours earlier and got the same solemn response from Cap.
"Tell me about the shooter." she instructed, moving on.
"He's fast. Strong. Had a metal arm." he said pointedly and seriously. While she hadn't asked about the shooter, the description caught her attention. Especially the metal arm part.
"Ballistics?" Nat continued.
"Three slugs, no rifling. Completely untraceable." Maria rattled off in the same way he had moments before.
"Soviet-made." Nat breathed out, gaining everyone's attention.
"Yeah." Maria confirmed, surprised that she knew.
Suddenly, the operation room went into overdrive. Machines started beeping erratically, the doctors and nurses were rushing around the room and the panic was palpable even behind the glass. Q stepped up closer to the window, hearing Nat's soft pleas and adding her own in her head. She couldn't lose Fury. He was the reason she was the woman she was. She owed so much to him and she hadn't even begun to repay him back.
"Three, two, one. Clear." the surgeon on the other side chanted out before shocking Fury with the defibrillator pads, "Pulse?"
"No pulse." the response came from one of the nurses. Q held her breath as they tried again with the same results. Epinephrine didn't help either.
Realization began to settle in her stomach that Fury was dead. He was dead. She watched him die on the operating table. She turned away from the window and bit down on her bottom lip to keep herself from crying. Not wanting to hear or see what came next, she quickly hurried out of the room and into the bathroom across the hall. No one followed her.
She didn't bother to check if anyone else was in the bathroom with her, just going straight into one of the stalls and locking the door behind her before bursting out into tears. Letting her forehead fall against the stall door, she balled up her fists and let the tears flow freely. Fury was dead. Her mentor. The only man who ever believed she could be something more than who she was. The closest thing she had to a father figure. The man who changed her life for the better - gave her a second chance. Was dead. What the hell was she supposed to do now?
She cried for herself, for her loss and for Fury. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore. Until her body was tired, her face was swollen and her eyes were burning. She felt drained. She had been on an emotional rollercoaster the whole night and she wanted nothing more than to get off. All she wanted was to go home and sleep and hopefully wake up to find out that it had been nothing more than her mind playing tricks on her. But it wasn't a trick or a dream. It was real life and she had to deal with what came next.
There would have to be a debrief. They would need to talk about what happened in his apartment - what really happened. Including the shooter with the metal arm. SHIELD would be a mess and a half trying to figure out their next steps, which meant Cap would need to be there in case they needed him to do anything. She needed to get herself together, get the debrief process started so they could move forward in the investigation and whatever else they needed to do.
Pulling herself together, she sat in the stall until the puffiness in her face went down. No one needed to see that she had been crying. There wasn't time for tears or grieving at the moment. She wiped at her eyes and blew her nose before stepping out of the stall to splash some cold water on her face to help with the puffiness. Her reflection showed that she just looked tired, which considering it was almost one fifteen in the morning, was better than crying.
She exited the bathroom to see that Cap stepping away from a vending machine. There was no sign of Natasha or Maria, but Dawson caught her arm. He stopped her from walking over to Cap. She glanced over at him, up close he looked tired with bags under his eyes and fidgeting a bit more than usual.
"I need to talk with you." his voice was hushed, but his tone urgent.
"I can't right now." she said, pulling out of his grasp and eyes darting to where Cap was, "I have to go with Cap."
"No, that's not the most important thing right now." he tried to get her to listen to him, putting up his hands as if that would stop her from going anywhere, but she was focused on where Cap was walking toward Rumlow.
"I'm sorry, Dawson, but it is." she gave him an apologetic smile before hurrying after the STRIKE team and Cap. Surely Dawson would understand the situation at hand. Whatever he needed to tell her could wait.
Not wanting to leave her car at the hospital, she followed the transport SUVs back to the Triskelion. She was able to get there at the same time as the STRIKE team and Cap, falling into step next to him. He didn't say a word to her as they stepped onto the elevator, nor did he say anything when they reached the conference room. She didn't know what to say to him so she stayed quiet too, hating the uncomfortableness of it.
When they arrived to the room, her boss was waiting inside. Not Fury, obviously, but the man she reported to before she was assigned to Cap. Decked out in his suit and tie, he hadn't changed a bit since she last saw him six months prior. She was surprised and confused to see him there; usually her debriefs with Cap were between her and him. The STRIKE team placed two men outside the room and left Q, Cap and her previous boss.
"Halliday," she started as she moved around the table, "What are you doing here?" she asked, only for her previous boss to stop her.
"Agent Proctor, if you could wait outside with the STRIKE team please. I'll be conducting this debrief with Captain Rogers." he said in a civil manner, but it was clear that it was an order.
"Excuse me?" she asked, brow furrowing, "Captain Rogers is my assignment. Director Fury made it very clear that I was to be conducting any and all debriefs."
"Director Fury is dead, Agent Proctor." he said matter of factly, "And we need to make sure we understand exactly what happened in Captain Rogers' apartment this evening. There needn't be any personal feelings interfering."
"I don't let my personal feelings interfere with my work, Halliday." she responded steely. Her temper was flaring. Halliday had never treated her like this before. It was like he knew something she didn't.
"Still." he said, lifting his chin up and tapping his pen against his palm. It was clear there was no room for argument. Pressing her lips together, she held back on saying anything else. She turned to look at Cap, giving him that warm, professional smile she knew he hated.
"Captain Rogers, you are in good hands." she assured him as he eyed Halliday. Cap kept his stance tall, adapting the way Bucky stood, as he did when he wanted to appear more confident and Captain-like, "And I will be right outside if you need anything." he nodded once, eyes flicking over to meet hers quickly before looking back at Halliday.
"Agent." Halliday indicated that it was her time to leave. She pulled down her blazer and nodded once, ignoring the quick smile he gave her before she left the room.
Blowing a puff of air through her lips, she crossed her arms over her chest and kicked at the ground. For once since she was assigned to Cap, she was out of the loop. She hated it. The debrief was her chance to find out what exactly happened in his apartment before Fury was shot. He hadn't spoken a word to her since she arrived at the hospital. There was an awkward vibe between them and she knew exactly why. But she pushed past it for the sake of the situation - she hoped that he could do the same, but he didn't.
"How are you holding up?" Rumlow's voice got her attention. She looked over to see him fixing his comm. She wasn't expecting Rumlow to even be talking to her in such a public setting where anyone could see. Since she ended their sexationship, they hadn't interacted - even going out of their way to avoid each other. But now he was willingly asking her a question and starting a conversation.
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." she gave him a tight smile, nodding her head a bit.
"I know how important Fury was to you." he said sincerely, giving her once over. "I'm sorry, Q." he added. Her stomach rolled at his apology. He was being kind to her and it was making her feel uncomfortable. She didn't need to be pitied. Especially by Rumlow.
"Don't do this." she shook her head, glancing around the hall for who else was around.
"Don't do what?" he asked, hand dropping and settling on the gun that was slung around his chest.
"Just, don't. Alright, Rumlow?" she held her hand up, not wanting it to go any further. His jaw clenched and he stared at her for a moment before nodding once and turning away. She let out a sigh and leaned against the wall, trying to keep her emotions in check.
The debrief didn't take as long as she had expected which led her to believe that he didn't tell Halliday the entirety of what happened earlier in the night. Still, when the door opened, she straightened up and tried to look professional as the men exited the room, shaking hands before Halliday walked away.
"How was it?" she asked with a raise of her eyebrows. He shrugged, hands dipping back into his pants' pockets.
"Fine. Straight to the point." he responded, pulling the corners of his mouth down. Again, she felt like he was holding something from her. But she gave him a small smile and nodded.
"Well, you must be tired." she prompted, checking her watch. It was almost two am. "Let's get you out of here." He relaxed at that, seemingly eager to leave the Triskelion. That wasn't unusual to her; she knew how much being at SHIELD could stress him out. And considering the circumstances, he had a huge reason to be stressed.
A heavy sigh escaped him as she drove across the bridge away from the Triskelion. She glanced over to see him slumping down in his seat a bit, much more comfortable now that the building was in the rearview mirror.
"I'll be taking you to my apartment for the rest of the night." she started, doing a double take between him and the road. While he had been in his debrief, she had been planning what their next steps would be. He gave her a funny look and she continued, "It's unsafe for you to stay at your apartment." she explained motioning with her hand, "It's an active crime scene and SHIELD will be there for the rest of the night collecting evidence, making sure we didn't miss anything." she gave him a reassuring smile, "Trust me, you'll be very safe at my place."
"Did you check for bugs?" he asked casually, raising his eyebrows slightly. She furrowed hers and let out a little laugh,
"Uh, well, I saw a cockroach a while ago, but I sprayed it with Febreze and left it's dead body out as a warning to others, so I think we're good." she joked, glancing to look at him. He didn't look amused.
"That's not what I meant." he said, raising his chin up, "I know my apartment was bugged, Q." he paused, "Fury told me. And you said you did all the decorating, remember?" his tone was serious. Her mouth opened a bit in shock. She never put bugs in his apartment. In fact, she specifically told them not to; if he found one, he wouldn't ever trust her.
"I never did that." she defended herself, "I didn't put bugs in your apartment, Cap." she said seriously. He stared at her before shaking his head and looking away from her, obviously not believing her. "I wouldn't do that to you." she continued, trying to get him to believe her, "I know how much you value - I - they asked me and I said no. I told them not to do that...fuck." she breathed out, "I'm so sorry, Cap. I didn't know." she looked over at him, feeling guilt settle in her stomach. He had that same look in his eyes as he did back at the hospital and she realized it was sadness, but disappointment. Once again, she had managed to disappoint him. The worst feeling in the world.
The rest of the car ride was spent in tense silence. She didn't know what to do. It wasn't her fault that SHIELD put bugs in his apartment, but she still felt like it was. She should've checked, made sure they listened to her. Of course they didn't. Of course Fury would want the apartment bugged so that he could hear everything - which meant they heard everything. Personal conversations between the two and shared stories were no longer between just them. Whoever had access to the recordings knew everything. Including things she hadn't told anyone before him.
With her nerves and guilt and sadness tumbling together in her stomach, they got to her apartment. She did a sweep of her apartment, knowing all the places SHIELD liked to put bugs and found that - thankfully, there was nothing.
"We should probably talk about what happened." she started, swallowing the lump in her throat as she took off her blazer. She still wanted to hear his side of the story, knowing that he had been keeping things from her. The bugs in the apartment was only a small part of it.
"I already gave all the information I have about Fury's death to Agent Halliday." he said seriously, back to her. Clearly, he didn't want to talk to her.
"Yeah, but that…that was the official debriefing. There's more to it than just the facts." she pointed out. He didn't turn around, but his head fell forward and she could see that he was fiddling with his hands.
"I'm fine." he bit out, voice thick. She stepped closer, leaving some space between the two of them as she swallowed back the lump in her throat.
"I know you're angry and upset about everything, but we should talk about it." she pushed, wanting him to talk to her about it. There was a beat before he turned around to look at her and she instantly regretted even pushing him. He looked angry, hands going to settle on his hips as he fixed her with a hard look,
"What do you want to talk about, Q?" he asked, "How you lied to me about the bugs in my apartment-?"
"I told you I had nothing to do with that -" she tried to explain herself again, but he talked over her,
"Or what about my neighbor. Kate?" he let out a harsh laugh, "Oh, wait, I mean, Agent Thirteen of SHIELD Special Services." he bit out. Her heart dropped to her stomach. Shit. He knew. He found out about Sharon. Of course he did, she was there to protect him and when he was under attack, she had to ditch her cover to make sure he was alright.
Covering her face with her hands, Q tried to stop herself from bursting into tears. The last thing she wanted to do was come off as an emotional wreck, but everything was happening so fast and it was all too intense for her body to handle. All she wanted to do was cry.
"Fuck, it wasn't supposed to happen like this." she groaned.
"How was it supposed to happen?" he seethed out. God, he was so angry with her. Why had she kept up this lie for so long?
"I don't know!" she cried out from behind her hands, not wanting to see his disappointed and angry and betrayed look, "I didn't - it was for your own protection. I didn't want to lie to you. I just wanted you to feel like you had a normal life." she tried to explain herself as best as she could.
"But you did lie to me! You played the game! Hell, you even tried to set me up with her! You wanted me to ask her out!" he yelled out, making her flinch. She turned in a slow circle, biting her bottom lip as she did.
"I know! I know." she responded, not really having an explanation for that, "God, Cap, I'm so sorry." she ended her circle back facing him. She dropped her hands from her face with a huff, letting her see the disappointed/angry/betrayed look on his face. She tried to ignore it, "I don't know what I was thinking - clearly I wasn't thinking. But I just wanted to protect you but then I got in too deep and then I couldn't dig myself out." she paused for a moment, "I never meant to hurt you, Cap." Tears were building and she quickly blinked them away, "I never wanted to...shit…" she trailed off, looking to side and biting down on her lower lip.
"What else have you lied about?" he asked seriously, voice even as she rubbed her forehead, "Think really hard, Q." he placed his hands on his hips, squinting at her a bit. She continued to chew on her bottom lip, rocking from side to side as she thought.
"Nothing, nothing." she answered with a shake of her head, "That was the only thing."
"It was a pretty big thing." he pointed out, still angry with her. She rolled her lips in and nodded, arms crossing over her chest.
"I know." she breathed out, "And I'm so sorry, Cap." she tried to sound as sincere as possible; she meant it, she really did. He stared at her, shaking his head a bit. "I shouldn't have...I should have told you." she took in a breath, "And now all of this… Fury's dead." she raised her eyebrows up, eyes going wide. She looked back at him, wiping her hand under her eyes, "I just wanted to make sure - that you were okay." she gave him a sad smile.
Steve paused, hearing her words catch in the back of her throat. She was obviously trying to keep her composure and not break down right in front of him. His heart cracked at the sight; he had spent all night being so angry and frustrated at her for lying to him over and over again, that he didn't even stop to think about how Fury's death was affecting her.
While she maintained the facade of being strong and unbothered by it - remaining by his side practically the whole time, her mask had finally slipped. Underneath her facade, she was overwhelmed by everything and he wasn't making it any easier on her. She was right; all she wanted to do was make sure he was okay. She was doing what she thought was the right thing in order to help him. That's all she ever tried to do when it came to him.
Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into his chest for a hug. Yes, he was still mad at her, but he wanted to at least try and comfort her a little bit. Her posture was stiff at first, surprised by what he was doing, but then she relaxed into his arms. Her arms snaked around his torso and gripped onto the back of his jacket. She pressed her face into his shoulder and sniffled lightly.
"I'm sorry about lying to you about Kate." she apologized softly, "I completely went about it the wrong way." she explained, stepping out of the hug and giving him an apologetic smile, "But I seem to be doing that a lot lately so..." she said, glancing off to the side. She crossed one arm across her stomach, reaching to scratch her other arm. His brow furrowed and he tilted his head, not understanding what she meant.
"What do you mean?" he asked, wanting her to explain it a bit more. She looked back at him and took in a breath.
"Like tonight, at the Thai restaurant." the small smile returned, "When you said you had feelings for me…" she trailed off, reminding him of what happened earlier in the evening. With everything that had happened in the last few hours, that seemed like a lifetime ago. He lifted his chin up and let out a little ah, hands slipping into his pockets.
"I, uh," she took in a deep breath, "I have feelings for you too, Cap." she admitted, closing one eye and scratching her temple. He raised his eyebrows, eyes going wide when he looked at her. "Really?" he asked, throat suddenly very dry. She gave him a little smile and nodded, "Why - why didn't you say anything?" What she said wasn't enough to make him forget about everything that happened, his anger was still pulsing softly in his sternum. And he didn't forget how persistent she was in the fact that she didn't have feelings for him.
"Because you caught me off guard." she let out a little laugh, even though it wasn't a joke. She let out a sigh and looked past him, "I had a plan." she said with a slight raise of her eyebrows. She stepped to the side, moving over to the dining room table, "Came up with graphs and charts to plot out when would be the right time to tell you." she continued, shuffling the papers that were on the table. He moved to the other side, seeing that she was holding up what she was talking about, "Pro/con lists." she waved the papers in the air, "A packet that outlined how and when I was going to tell you." she tossed it across the table and it landed with a thump. A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth; she had made a packet in order to tell him how she felt, "And I was even working on a PowerPoint." he looked over at her, grin spreading across his face.
"A PowerPoint?" he asked, amused. She shrugged, twisting her mouth to the side,
"It had nice transitions." His grin became wider as he looked down at the papers on the table. He moved a few of them aside, scanning the pro/con list she had created.
"One of your cons is that I sometimes dress like a grandpa?" he asked, growing more and more amused with each new thing he learned. She shrugged, trying not to smile,
"I mean, you were pretty bad at one point." she gestured to him. He laughed a little, shaking his head as she crossed her arms over her chest.
As he continued to glance over all her research and planning, she went into the kitchen to get a soda and water for him. His anger began to dissipate at all the data she came up with. It was amazing to see how much work she had put in to planning out the perfect way to tell him so that no one's feelings were hurt or there wasn't any awkwardness between them if it didn't work out as planned. Though it was kind of weird that she had the need to plan out everything - including telling him she had feelings for him.
But she had feelings for him. Everything on the table proved it. His heart swelled, promptly making him forget all the feelings of frustration and betrayal he had felt toward her for the past several hours. With all the terrible things that had happened, this felt like a small moment of hope and happiness. He was not about to let that slip away.
Moving over to the other side of the breakfast bar, he took the water she had set on the counter for him. He cracked it open while she pulled the tab of her soda. Both of them tried not to grin at each other as they took their first sips. He set his water back down and twisted it around in a small circle.
"So… you do have feelings for me." he said with a slight smirk. He stopped himself from saying I told you so, even though he did tell her so.
"I do." she confirmed, pushing back against the counter and ducking her head down so he couldn't see her grin. "But you have feelings for me too." she pointed out, reminding him that he had admitted his feelings first. He gave a little laugh in response. Her heart felt like it was about to burst. Finally, it was all out on the table - literally, and he had responded positively despite everything that had happened before.
"What does your packet have to say about that?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrows. Her eyes found his and she gave him a smile.
"Fuck the packet." she shrugged one shoulder, laughing a little. None of this had gone according to plan or to the packet, but it had managed to work out all on its own. Maybe that was the lesson.
"Jar." he grinned at her. She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her soda. Shifting forward against the breakfast bar, he slid himself closer to her,
"So what now?" she asked, reaching out with her free hand to absentmindedly trail her fingers up and down his wrist.
"I'd like to kiss you." he told her hopefully, "For real this time." she bit her lip because if she smiled any wider, her face was going to split in half.
"Please do." she encouraged him, even leaning a bit closer so there wasn't so much space between them anymore.
Gently pushing his water bottle to the side, he reached out to softly press his hand to her cheek. He pulled her face toward his, tilting her face up just a bit, enough so he could he could press his lips against hers. They had had plenty of practice kisses before, but nothing compared to this one. This one was real. It was soft and tender, full of all the feelings they had been holding back. He pulled away, just briefly, before kissing her again. She tasted as sweet as the soda she had been drinking - there was still a slight a fizziness to her lips, that made him buzz. While he hadn't been practicing since their last kiss - that she knew of at least, he had somehow gotten better at kissing her. She kissed him back, reaching out to snake her hand around his neck and pull him closer.
As their kisses continued, he used his free hand to move her soda out of the way so they wouldn't accidentally spill it. He didn't intend to kiss her in such a way, but he liked it and decided not to question it. His hand settled on her hip, other hand moving to press against the side of her face - practically covering it. She used her free hand to try and push herself up onto the counter in order to get closer to him. Understanding what she was trying to do, he helped her by moving both his hands to her hips and easily pulled her over to his side of the breakfast bar. It was the sexiest thing any man had ever done to her.
When she was comfortably seated on the counter of the breakfast bar, she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him in as her hands ran through his hair. His hands tended to stay on her hips, but every so often they would wander around to her ass or to her thigh, before he quickly pulled them back to her hips. He didn't want her to think he was being disrespectful.
The softness and tenderness of their kisses had morphed into something else entirely, almost like they were trying to make up for lost time. Or maybe like they were running out of time. Again, he hadn't meant to kiss her in such a way, but his confidence was building the longer their make-out session continued and he found himself going with his gut. His lips strayed here and there, kissing the corners of her mouth or dipping down to her jaw and neck. She always pulled his face back to hers so she could kiss him encouragingly. Nothing was said, but also everything was.
Wanting nothing more than to continue, Q knew where this would ultimately lead. And she wasn't sure if he wanted it to go where it was headed. So she pulled back first, just enough to let herself speak, but he continued to try and steal quick kisses from her.
"It's late." she breathed out, having all of her oxygen stolen by the man in front of her. Her eyes darted down to the watch on her wrist, it's face showing that it was well after two am. He hummed in agreement, forehead resting against hers. "We should get some sleep." he swallowed and nodded, skin moving against hers.
"I can take the couch." he offered, voice rough from lack of use.
"No, no," she settled her hands on his shoulders, "take the bed." she gave him a warm smile. He returned it and nodded, for once not fighting her on it, "But first, I have to take a shower." she unhooked her legs from around him. He gave her a little grin and nodded again. He stepped back, helping her off the breakfast counter. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and gave her a smile before she went to go move for her bathroom.
Before she could get very far, he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. His arms wrapped around her, pressing her into his chest as he kissed her again. She rested her hands against his cheeks and kept his face right where she wanted it, kissing him back just as eagerly.
"Cap…" she breathed out as she pulled away from him, "As much as I enjoy kissing you...this is heading dangerously close to something more." her tongue darted out to lick her lips. He gave her a little smirk, leaning forward to kiss her again.
"I may have been frozen in a block of ice for seventy years, but I'm not an idiot." he whispered confidently, making her laugh lightly.
"And you're okay with it?" she asked, biting her bottom lip. She knew how special it was to him and didn't want to pressure him into anything. He gave her a soft smile and nodded. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed him again. She started to walk backward to her bedroom - him following her lead.
A/N: Ohhhhh shiiiitttt! I debated so long about ending this chapter here, but I did so...yeah. I'm really nervous about this chapter and the next one so please please let me know what you think! Thank you to everyone who's reviewed so far. I love hearing all your thoughts and reactions. Please don't stop!