Chapter 36: On Our Own.
The entire family was having dinner one night. Everything was very quiet that evening, so Lois decided to break the silence.
"So, how was everybody's day today?" asled Lois.
"Terrible," said Meg, "Connie D'amico called me a fat, ugly, old hag just because I'm a mom now! Can you believe it?"
"Now that's not true, Meg," said Peter.
"It's not?" asked Meg.
"No," said Peter, "You're just fat and ugly!"
Everybody except Meg, Maddie, and Zack laughed at that remark. Meg then looked down at her plate, sadly.
"Yes, spot on!" said Stewie.
"Ha ha," said Zack sarcastically, "Yeah, that's so funny for the 10 millionth time."
"Oh, lighten up," said Peter, "It's just a joke... just like Meg's existance!"
Everybody except Meg, Maddie, and Zack laughed at that remark.
"Yes, spot on!" said Stewie.
"Do you even realise that you could be deeply hurting my mother mentally with your so called jokes?" asked Maddie, "Just look at her! She's so depressed! It's also hurting me as well! Not only does it sadden me to see this, but the milk goes sour when she breast-feeds me!"
"..." Peter just stares at Maddie for a few sconds, "Meg sucks!"
Everybody except Meg, Maddie, and Zack laughed at that remark.
"Yes, spot on!" said Stewie.
"Forget it," said Zack, "Let's just pick up our plates and eat in the other room."
"I guess..." said Meg.
"Yes, and don't forget the rest of your dinner, you incessant cow!" said Stewie as he threw his piece of meat at Meg. Everybody except Zack and Maddie laughed as Meg ran up to her room crying, "Hahaha! I'm priceless!"
"If you were MY kid, I'd..." said Zack threateningly.
"I'd like to see you try!" said Stewie, "The fangirls and fanboys wouldn't let you touch me!"
"Damn!" said Zack as he snapped his fingers, "I'm gonna go talk to Meg."
Zack then goes upstairs to see Meg in her room with her face in her pillow crying. Zack then sits next to her on the bed and puts his hand on her back.
"Everybody hates me!" she sobbed, "Even my own family!"
"That's not true," said Zack
"Yes it is!" shouted Peter from downstairs.
"You shut up!" shouted Zack back, "Anyway, that's not true. Maddie and I love you and we're your family."
"I guess," said Meg, "But do you have any idea what it's like to be hated by your own family?"
Zack then stares off into space as a tear slowly rolls from his eye.
"Zack?" she asked.
Flashback.
It's Christmas morning. Zack is only 6 years old and is in the living room with his dad. His dad is a balding man with a mustache who wears a stained tanktop and gym pants.
"Santa ain't real," said his Dad, "Just like da Eater Bunny, Leprechauns and God. Dat's why ya ain't got no presents."
"But Jillian's got presents!" said Zack.
"Dat's cause we love her," said his Dad.
"But-"
"You keep it up and I'll give you a present with my belt, boy! Now get to shoveling dat damn driveway! We're about to have Christmas dinner and I don't like the sight of you at the table! It makes me sick, and I hate throwin' up all over my food!"
End Flashback.
"I'm gonna go drink a ton of whisky now," said Zack as he left the room and went downstairs depressed. He then goes into Brian's stash and gets a bottle of whisky. He then drinks it from straight out of the bottle and walks to the living room to see the Griffins watching TV, "What're you guys watching?"
"Joan of Arcadia," said Peter.
"Joan of Arcadia?" asked Zack, "I thought that show was cancelled."
"It was," said Lois, "We taped it over Meg's 2nd grade play."
"You WHAT?!?!" asked Zack.
"What? It's no big deal!" said Lois.
"Yeah," said Peter, "Besides, Meg sucked in it."
"But I thought she looked very cute in her princess costume," said Zack.
"Well I suppose," said Stewie, "If you find VOMIT cute!"
Everybody then laughed except Zack who was getting very irritated.
"Yes! Spot on!" said Stewie.
Zack then angrily throws the whisky bottle against the wall and screams very angrily.
"THAT IS IT!!!" he shouted, "THAT IS THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK AND MOLESTED IT WHILE IT WAS PARILYZED!"
"What's the big deal?" asked Peter, "It's just Meg. No one cares."
"I CARE!" he shouted, "JUST WHAT KIND OF FATHER ARE YOU?!?! SHE'S YOUR ONLY DAUGHTER FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO'S BEEN LIKE A FATHER FIGURE TO HER IN THIS HOUSE? ME!!! AND THAT'S JUST CREEPY!!! IT'S BORDERLINE INCEST!!!"
"Now hold on a minute!" said Lois.
"AND YOU!" shouted Zack as he pointed to Lois, "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, PLAYING FAVORITES? AND THAT ABORTION STORY... IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACHE EVERY TIME I HEAR IT!!! OH, I HAD A BABY BUT I DON'T WANT IT BECAUSE IT KEPT ME FROM JOINING THE F(bleep)CKING OLYMPICS SO I'LL GET AN ABORTION! OH, BUT I WAITED TOO LONG SO I'LL JUST TREAT HER LIKE AN OUTCAST EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT HER DAMN FAULT!!!"
"Haha! Oh that's priceless!" said Stewie, "Yes! Tear into that shrew!"
"And you!" said Zack as he turned to Stewie, "Oh, I don't even know where to start! In fact you all SICKEN me!... Except Brian and Chris. You guys are cool."
Chris and Brian then flash the west side hand sign to Zack who flashes it back. Zack then goes upstairs angrily.
"I think somebody's just had a little too much whiskey," said Lois.
"Of course!" said Peter, "He does have to go upstairs to THAT!"
Everybody else then covers up Peter's mouth. Meanwhile upstairs, Zack walks into Meg's room and angrily slams the door shut.
"Zack, what happened?" asked Meg.
"I've had it with those monsters!" said Zack, "This was THE last straw!"
"Zack, take it easy," said Meg.
"Take it easy?" asked Zack, "Do you know how sick I am of the way they treat you? How they blame you for everything? How they ignore you? How they use you like a freaking punching bag? It's getting old, Meg!"
"But we can't really do anything about it," said Meg, "As long as we live under this roof, we'll just have to take it."
"You know what? You're right."
"Really?"
"Yes. We're moving out! You, Maddie, and I are leaving this crap hole!"
"What? But where will we go?"
"I don't know, and I don't care as long as it's away from THEM! Besides, we should be on our own, anyway."
"I don't know..."
"Look, you, me, and Maddie can start ourselves a new life as a family. It'll be just like an old family sitcom!"
Cutaway
"Welcome to The Zack Murdock Show," said the TV announcer, "Starring, Zack Murdock!"
Everything is in black and white and Zack walks in while a blatant ripoff of the theme to the Dick Van Dyke show is playing in the background. Zack walks towards his wife Meg, but trips over a footstool and breaks his leg.
"Ow! My leg!" shouts Zack, "WHO'S THE SICK SON OF A BITCH THAT PUT A FOOTSTOOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR?!?! WHO'S THE F(bleep)KING WRITER THAT THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A CUTE IDEA IF I BROKE MY LEG? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH IT HURTS? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MY MEDICAL BILLS ARE GONNA COST?!?! HUH?!?! DO YA!!! MAYBE I SHOULD GO OVER THERE AND BREAK YOUR F(bleep)CKING LEG!!! WOULD YOU LIKE THAT!?!?! AND YOU!!!" he shouted as he pointed to the camera man, "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL FILMING THIS SH(bleep)T?!?! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, TOO?!?! WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU HELPING ME, YOU BUNCH OF ASSCLOWNS?!?!"
"You should just turn that off," said Maddie to the cameraman.
End Cutaway.
Zack, Meg and Maddie are putting their things in the trunk of Zack's car.
"Please, Zack," said Lois, "Don't do this!"
"Sorry, but our minds are made up!" said Zack, "I've gotten so sick of this crap and I'm not putting up with it anymore!"
"C'mon, Zack!" said Peter, "You can't just leave. It just wouldn't- Oh crap!"
Peter looks to see the Giant Fighting Chicken who then tackles him. They then start getting into a fist fight.
"Peter! OOOOF!" shouts Zack before he too is tackled. He was tackled by Lobster, the giant fighting lobster. They get into a fist fight as well.
Peter and the Chicken exchange blows to face. Peter grabs a 2x4 and smacks the Chicken upside the head. Zack and Lobster go toe to toe exchanging blows as well. Lobster clamps onto Zack's nose and punches him in the gut repeatedly. Zack punches Lobster in the face, making him release and continues punching him. Peter continues to beat the Chicken with the 2x4 until the Chicken breaks it with his beak. He then starts pecking on Peter's stomache. All 4 take the fight out into the streets. Cars swerve past them as they fight. Zack grabs Lobster in a headlock and gives him a noogie! Lobster pinches Zack in the nuts and kicks him away.
Peter and the Chicken start punching each other. Peter grabs the Chicken into a head lock and punches him in the head. Lobster then comes from nowhere and attacks Peter, forcing him to let go. Lobster grabs Peter by the arms and the Chicken punches him repeatedly in the stomache. Zack tackles the Chicken and repeatedly punches him in the face while on the ground. Peter kicks Lobster in the nuts and punches him in the face. Lobster then slaps Peter away and lifts up a nearby car. He chucks it forward and Zack and Peter jump out of the way. The car makes impact with a wall causing a huge explosion. The blast sends Zack, Peter, the Chicken, and Lobster flying into the air screaming.
They all land on top of a flyng airplane where they continue the fight. The Chicken punches Peter a few times and tosses him away. He and Lobster are on opposite sides of Zack. They both nod at each other as they run towards Zack. Zack does a jumping spin kick that sends both of them sprawling on top of the plane. Zack runs to Lobster who does a handspring kicking Zack who almost slides off the plane, but hangs onto the wing. Lobster jumps onto the wing. Meanwile, Peter and the Chicken are still fist fighting. They keep fighting until they inadvertantly step off the plane. Lobster tries stomping on Zack's hands, but Zack grabs onto his leg and pulls him off the wing.
All four then land though the roof of a warehouse, which was the TNT factory. They all go into an all out brawl. Lobster and Peter get into a fist fight, but Lobster gets the upper hand and kocks down Peter. As he's about to land the final blow, the Chicken sees this and shoves Lobster. Lobster gets mad ans shoves the Chicken back. They then give each other angry looks and begin beating each other up. The Chicken then punches Lobster onto a TNT activator and Peter and Zack high tail it out of there.
"Oh crap," said Lobster as he looked at what he just did.
The building explodes as Peter and Zack are chased by a fireball. The building then explodes completely as Zack and Peter leap into the air and onto the ground. Then again in another angle. Then again in a different angle. Then again in a different angle. Then again in a different angle. Then footage of a kitten playing with yarn. Then the explosion again in another angle.
Peter and Zack watch as the building collapses onto itself. They both then walk off into the streets, wounds and all as the clouds gather and it begins to rain. Back at the rubble, the rain poured heavily as lighting began to strike. As lighting struck once more, a lobster's claw and the hand of a giant chicken forced it's way upwards through the wreakage...
"Sorry about that," said Peter as he and Zack got back into place, "Anyway, you can't just leave! It wouldn't be the same without you!"
"Look, we're all sorry about last night," said Lois.
"Yeah," said Peter, "If the Meg bashing bothers you that much we'll sto... sto... ease up a little."
"Wow, Peter," said Brian, "That statement was about as believable as FDR winning an ass kicking contest," everybody else gasps, "...Too soon?"
"It's not just the Meg jokes," said Zack, "There's a lot of other stuff that's bothering me, like your constant need to get naked."
Flashback
"Peter, what the hell are you doing?" asked Zack.
"I'm dressed up as Donald Duck," said Peter as he was wearing a sailor suit with no pants.
Later...
"Peter, what the hell are you doing?" asked Zack.
"I'm dressed up as Donkey Kong," said Peter as he was wearing nothing but a tie that said DK.
Later...
"Peter, what the hell are you doing?" asked Zack.
"I'm dressed up as Wakko Warner," said Peter as he had a blue shirt, a red backwards baseball cap and no pants, "I'm not wearing any pants!" he said in a british accent.
Later...
"Now who are you dressed up as?" asked Zack.
"No one. I'm just naked," said Peter as he sat next to Zack on the couch.
"...I'm gonna burn that couch," said Zack as he left the room.
End Flashback.
"Zack, please reconsider!" begged Lois.
"We're staying in an apartment and that's final!" said Zack as he shut the trunk, "Okay everybody, let's go!"
Meg straps Maddie to the booster seat in the backseat of the car. Meg and Zack then get into the car and shut their doors.
"Goodbye, all of you," said Lois, "I'm just so sorry you had to leave under these circumstances. Remember, you're always welcome here in the Griffin home."
"Thanks, mom," said Meg.
"Wait!" said Stewie as he ran out from the house.
"Look!" said Maddie, "Stewie wants to say goodbye!"
Zack then rolls down his window and looks down at Stewie. Stewie looks back at him... and then spits on Zack's face.
"Let's just get the hell out of here," said Zack irritated.
Zack then backs up his car from the driveway... he then "accidentally" runs over Stewie's tricycle on the way.
"Oops," said Zack in pleasure.
"MY TRIKEY!!!" shouted Stewie.
Zack's car then zooms off into the horizon. Later in the living room, Lois and Peter are having a conversation.
"I can't believe they're gone," said Lois, "This is the worst thing to happen to us as a family."
"Actually, I thought the worst thing to happen to us as a family was when Brian was hit by a car," said Peter.
Flashback
Brian is walking down the sidwalk somewhere in the city.
"My god, I gotta take a whiz," said Brian.
He takes a look around to make sure nobody's looking and then uses the bathroom on a car. He's about to turn and leave, but the car transforms into Optimus Prime! He then angrily punches Brian.
End Flashback.
"I don't really like the idea of our teenage daughter out in the world," said Lois.
"Well what did you expect?" asked Brian, "She was bound to leave sooner or later, what with the way you guys treat her. I tell you, haven't seen anyone treat their own family members so bad other than Chris Benoit."
Flashback.
(Due to the controversial nature of the subject, this flashback has been removed from this fic. WWE disavows any knowledge of Chris Benoit's existance whatsoever... family killing bastard...)
End Flashback.
"Brian's right, Lois. You should stop worrying," said Peter, "She has Zack with him. Besides, I'm sure they're gonna be staying in a nice place."
Meanwhile, Zack cuts on the lights to an old run down apartment. The walls were cracked, the windows were broken, roaches were moving all about and police sirens and gunshots could be heard from outside.
"This is our home?" asked Meg, "Zack, this place is a dump!"
"C'mon!" said Zack, "This place isn't that bad."
"Daddy! It smells like Great Aunt Linda!" said Maddie.
"But Great Aunt Linda's dead," said Zack.
"I know," said Maddie.
"I'm gonna get a drink of water," said Meg as she went to the sink. When she turned on the faucet, brown water poured out. She then quickly turns it off in disgust.
"God, I hope that's coffee," said Zack in disgust.
"This place sucks!" said Meg.
"I'm sorry, but I can't afford a better place," said Zack, "Business has been a little slow, as of late at the auto shop. But with a little touch up, we can do wonders here."
There is then a knock on the apartment door, and Meg goes up to open it. When she does, there stood Death.
"Hi, Death," said Meg, "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, hey," said Death, "I'm just on business. It gets pretty busy here a lot. Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"
"We just moved here," said Zack.
"So you left the Griffin place?" asked Death.
"Yeah, we just needed a place of our own," said Zack.
"That's good," said Death, "You know, a funny thing is that I usually come to this apartment alot. For some wierd reason, the tenants here are alway dead in about a week and..."
Death then sees the shocked looks of Zack, Meg, and Maddie.
"You know what? Never mind. Just forget I said anything," said Death as he was leaving, "I'll be back in about a week."
"...Okay..." said Zack, "Anyway, how about we all unpack."
"I'll be in our room," said Meg as she walked into the back.
"Dad, I don't like it here!" said Maddie.
"Maddie, it's gonna be alright," said Zack, "You shouldn't think about all the negatives. Just try looking on the bright side."
Meg then shrieks loudly as Maddie and Zack run into the room.
"What's wrong?!?!" asked Zack.
"There's a dead hooker on the bed!" said Meg as she pointed to a dead hooker lying on the bed.
"Damn! No wonder why I got this place so cheap," said Zack.
"Well, that explains the rancid smell of adultery!" said Maddie as she held her nose.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door and Zack goes to answer it. There stands Death once again.
"Now I remember why I came here," said Death, "I'm here for the dead hooker."
"It's in the room," said Zack, "You gonna take the body to the morgue or something?"
"Oh, uh... yeah!," said Death, "The morgue..."
Death takes the body and leaves. He goes to the apartment next to theirs and shuts the door. From Zack's apartement, they can hear a faint rythemic squeaking coming from a bed.
"What's going on over there?" asked Maddie. Meg then quickly covers her daughter's little ears.
Back at the Griffin house, Lois is looking through family photos remembering all the good and bad times everyone had. A tear slips from her eye as she slowly closes the book.
"Lois, I've noticed how sad you've become as of late," said Peter, "That is why I have decided to do the right thing."
"You're gonna make Meg, Zack, and Maddie come back?" asked Lois hopefully.
"Pffft! No!" said Peter, "I'm gonna replace them!"
"Replace them?" asked Lois, "Peter, they weren't pets! You can't just replace them like they're some kind of dogs!"
"Hey!" said Brian offended.
"Oh c'mon, Lois!" said Peter, "They do it all the time on TV! Just give it a chance!"
"No!" said Lois.
"Well, too late because they're already here," said Peter, "Say hello to the new Zack, Meg, and Maddie. Playing the part of Meg is that fake Meg from The Real Live Griffins."
"Hello, everybody!" said fake Meg as she walks up and hugs Chris, "Hi Chris!"
Chris giggles a little and faints. Jillian sees this and gives an angry look while balling up her fist.
"Playing the part of Maddie will be a little girl who goes by the name of Mary Sue," said Peter.
Mary Sue is a little girl who's about a year old. She's blonde, beautiful and perfect in everyway. She walks up to Stewie.
"OMG you're Stewie Griffin!" said Mary Sue.
"How do you know who I am?" asked Stewie.
"I am your biggest fangurl evar!" she said, "You are like so kawaii! I write a whole bunch of fanfics of either you and me getting together or you and Brian getting together! You two make such a kawaii couple! I love writing BrianxStewie fics!"
"Oh really?" asked Stewie.
"And Playing the part of Zack will be none other than the game himself! WWE superstar Triple H!" said Peter.
"That's right!" said Triple H, "There's a new Zack in town and he's the best in the business! You think otherwise and I'll beat you within an inch of your life! Why? Because I'm that damn good!"
"Peter, I don't know about this," said Lois.
"C'mon, Lois. It'll be just like old times. You'll think that they were the real deal," said Peter as he turned around to see Mary Sue missing, "Um...where's...where's Mary Sue?"
Stewie then gives a surprised look to everybody.
"Oh!" said Stewie, "Uh... Where is she? I could've sworn she was here a minute ago," he laughed.
"Stewie, is that blood on your hands?" asked Lois.
Later on at the apartments Meg and Zack are trying to get some sleep but there's a bunch of loud rap music playing outside and there's also a bunch of laughing and yelling.
"God, I can't sleep!" said Meg.
"Niether can I! There's too much damn noise out there!" said Zack as walked up to the window and opened, "HEY, YOU PUNKS BETTER TURN THAT DAMN RACKET OFF OR I'LL-" then a bullet flies and hits inches away from Zack. He quickly shuts the window and goes back to bed, "Just ignore it, Meg,"
Maddie then walks into the room tired, and holding a black fuzzy pillow.
"You can't sleep either, Maddie?" asked Meg.
"No," said Maddie, "Not only is the noise too loud, but my pillow is lumpy!"
"Um... Maddie," said Zack, "You don't have a black pillow."
"Really?" asked Maddie as she looked at it, "Then what the hell is this?!?!"
The black pillow then reveals itself to be a huge black rat. Maddie screams as the rat leaps onto Zack's face. Zack begins screaming as he starts rolling around the floor with the rat biting on his face. Meg grabs a baseball bat and repeatedly beats on the rat until it gets off Zack and scurries away somewhere.
"Zack, let's just go back!" said Meg, "I don't care about the bashing anymore! I just wanna get the hell out of here!"
"Meg, if we go back they win!" said Zack, "And I hate losing! Knowing them, they probably found a way to cope so they don't even miss us anyway."
The next morning at the Griffin home, everybody is having breakfast. Triple H, Fake Meg, and Mary Sue(who has a bandage wrapped around her head) enter the room. Fake Meg sits next to Chris.
"Good morning, Chris," she said seductively as she moved her finger down his chin.
"Oh, um, hi Meg..." said Chris nervously.
"I was wondering if you could come to the mall with me," she said, "I need you to help me pick out a bikini, but they may be a bit too tiny."
"Oh my god..." said Chris, "I just milked my pants!"
"No he can't!" said Jillian as she bursted throught the door as if on cue, "Because he's going to spend time with me and OUR kids!"
"Jillian, are you jealous?" asked Chris.
"What?... I... no, of course not!" said Jillian, "Besides you're just a kid! I'm not jelly of her at all! I'm not peanut butter of her either!"
Fake Meg puts Mary Sue in her high chair and she notices Brian reading the newspaper.
"ZOMG! You're Brian! I'm also your fangurl, too!" said Mary Sue, "I luv writing Fanfics of me as a cat being with you!"
"Wow... how cliche," said Brian.
"I also luv writing slash fics with you being with either Stewie, Jasper, or even Peter!" said Mary Sue, "It's so Kawaii!"
"You don't say," said Brian.
"Hey!" said Triple H, "Hand me those sausages, porky!"
"Hey, don't call me porky!" said Peter, "I'm not fat! Only women get fat!"
"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" asked Triple H, "I'm the game! You don't talk to the game like that! It's all about the game and how you play it and guess what? It's game over for you!"
Triple H grabs Peter and pedigrees him on top of the table which breaks. Triple H takes a plate full of sausages and walks away.
"Oy," said Lois in frustration, "I suppose you want me to clean this up... Brian, where's Mary Sue?"
"I dunno," said Brian as a piece of Mary Sue's dress was sticking from his mouth.
Later on, Maddie is watching TV with Meg in the living room while eating Ramen noodles. They have to watch in on the floor and the TV is held up by an old crate.
"We now return to Harry Pothead and the Sorcerer's Stoned," said the Announcer on TV.
Cutaway to TV
Harry, Hermoine, and Ron are in the basement of Hogwarts getting high on pot.
"So anyway, I think it's all like this," said Harry in a stoner tone, "Magic is all, like, an illusion, man. It's like, not even there. This school... It's, like... it's like all fake."
"Yeah. like, totally, man," said Ron, "School in general is like, a different kind of prison, know what I mean? You're still told what to to do, and still confined by the man."
"Totally," said Hermoine, "You know, once in the school bathroom, I got involved in a 4 way. It was totally wild."
"...I want you so bad..." said Harry.
"Hell no!" said Hermoine, "I'm a lesbo!"
End Cutaway.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door and Meg goes to answer it.
"Who is it?" she shoutes as she grabs Zack's shotgun.
"It's just us," said Lois, "Your family."
"Just a minute," said Meg as she began to remove the locks. This took about 20 or so seconds since they had a LOT of locks. You can never have too many locks where they're at, "Okay, you can come in."
"Oh my," said Lois nervously as she looked around the place, "What a... lovely place you have here."
"Ugh," said Stewie, "I've seen New York subway stations that looked and smelled better than this."
"I'm sorry about this place," said Meg, "But SOMEBODY wanted to go for the lowest bidder."
"Oh, I don't see YOU getting a job and finding a better place," said Zack, "Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"
"Oh, we just decided to drop by," said Lois, "Just for a visit."
"Oh really?" said Zack, "Have a seat! You want something to eat? Maybe some noodles?"
Zack goes into the refrigerator and out flies out the big black rat that attacked him earlier. It grabs onto his face again as Zack falls to the floor. Peter stomps on the rat and it scurries away again.
"You guys look miserable!" said Lois, "Why don't you just come back!"
"Your replacements stink!" said Jillian.
"Yours keeps pedigreeing me!" said Peter to Zack.
"Yours is annoying," said Brian to Maddie.
"I like yours," said Chris to Meg.
"And that's why she must die!" said Jillian.
"We're begging you guys!" said Peter, "Please come back!"
"Zack, they want us back," said Meg, "What do you say?"
Zack thought about it for a moment.
"No," said Zack.
"What?" asked Peter, "But this is the part where you say yes and we all get into some cheesy hug and then it gets all campy from there!"
Meg then slaps Zack on the face angrily.
"What the hell do you mean, no?" shouted Meg.
"Look, I can't!" said Zack, "I just... can't okay?"
"What's wrong?" asked Meg, "Are you still mad at them? They said they were sorry."
"It's not that," said Zack, "It's just... I hate being so dependant on them! I just wanted us to get a place of our own! We're going to have to do it someday, because we can't stay with them forever! I just wanted to see if I can support this family on my own."
"Is that what this is all about?" asked Meg as Zack nodded. She then let out a heavy sigh, "Then I guess we'll stay... Just like what our vows says: For better or worse. You know, with a little redecorating, this place could look nice."
"Yeah," said Zack, "Just repaint the walls, redo the ceiling, redo the cabinets..." he continued before being attacked by the black rat again. Lois knocks it away with a broom and it scurries away, "Ah, screw it. Let's get the hell out of here."
Later on, the entire family is back in the Griffin home. Everybody is on the living room couch.
"I never thought I'd say this," said Peter, "But it's good to have you all back, INCLUDING Meg."
"It's good to be back," said Meg.
"It's good to be back, too," said Zack, "You know, despite all of your short comings and obscurities, you guys are like the family I never had. I'm sorry I lost it the other day and went into a raging rant."
"I's okay. We forgive you," said Lois, "Anyway, I wonder what happened to those replacements."
"Oh, I got rid of them," said Zack, "I used the most effective method known to authors: I pushed them all into a plothole. Except yours Meg. I couldn't find her."
"Oh, that girl?" asked Jillian, "I threw her off a cliff. Nobody gets too close to my baby daddy!"
Everybody then laughed.
"Yeah, murder is funny," said Peter.
"Yes, spot on!" said Stewie.
End Chapter.
Author's Commentary: I would like to apologize if anybody was offended by Mary Sue. It was not a shot at people who make BrianxStewie slashfics or people who make fics of Brian falling in love with cats. It just seemed funny when I first thought about it. I also apologise to Harry Potter fans if they found the cutaway offensive, but Family Guy probably would've done one anyway. Anywho, it's becoming increasingly harder for me to come up with ideas, so updates will probably be slower than usual(assuming I can think of anything at all.), otherwise this may be the final chapter. Anyway, don't forget to review because that's another factor of the story's existance...