Chapter 34

James was beginning to stir. Slowly she lifted her head from his shoulder and caught his eyes opening. His face went into a frown at first but then he smiled sitting up.

"What time is it?"

"A little after one."

"In the afternoon!"

She nodded as he pulled himself off the bed. Gently he lowered himself into the chair beside her and she just grinned.

"What you smiling about?"

"Albus said that you needed to sleep."

He shook his head gently and she looked back at him.

"Who else died?"

His head shot up and his eyes were on hers. They were clouding and she knew that he didn't want to remember it. But he did remember he sat there a moment before speaking up.

"The doorman Ethan, he's dead as is George the barman."

Lily nodded at him as he looked straight into her eyes.

"Ryan was killed, as was Robbie Clarkson and Tabby Carter from Wigtown. Then the bats lost Janine O'sullivan and Jason O'Reilly."

She cut across him suddenly.

"Wait did every team lose someone."

He nodded before continuing.

"Yeah its like the Magpies only lost Simon Harper and the Kestrels lost Janet O'Neill you know the one married to John Jones of Puddlemere. He's dead too mind, as is Kathleen Walters, Paul Pratt and Todd Pipes."

"What about the Harpies and the Arrows, they're the ones I knew the best."

"Jack Shadow he was killed, and so was Zack Thomas. Bobby Hardwick is in St. Mungos but he doesn't look good. Well as for the Harpies they lost Holly and Clint was killed too. Sian Goodman is gone as is the new keeper Amanda Smyth. Oh and you know Delia's husband Stuart, he was killed as well."

She began to cry now as she heard of so many of her friends gone. She couldn't believe it not one bit and having Lyn taken from her as well.

"Did we lose any Aurors?"

"No it was the Order that turned up not the ministry."

She nodded slowly as the tears ran down her cheeks. James moved from the chair and was sat next to her. His finger brushed at her cheek rubbing away her tears.

"I thought I'd lost you."

She lifted her head to look at him.

"I'm not yours to lose James."

He nodded gently as his thumb continued to stroke at her cheek. Then ever so slowly his face was coming closer to hers. His lips brushed against hers for a moment before coming to rest there. She let him kiss her. It was gentle not filled with the passion she knew it could be.

As he pulled back she watched his face.

"I've been stupid Lily."

"What?"

"I don't care if you're carrying another mans baby, you're my baby. What I mean is I love you and I always have. I know things aren't perfect and that we didn't plan it to be like this but I want you. I want you more now Lily than I ever did. When I thought you'd gone for good I just kept thinking that I was a prat for not realising sooner."

"But James I've told you I come with a package."

"Yeah and I'll love the baby too. Okay maybe at first it will be awkward because it isn't mine but blood isn't everything Lily. I love you and don't want to lose you ever again and I'll cope with the baby."

"No James you shouldn't have to. This is my responsibility and I'll do it alone."

"Tell me you don't love me."

"What?"

"You heard me Lily. Tell me that you don't love me. Look me in the eyes and say it and then I'll go. I'll leave you to raise the baby."

She let her eyes meet his and then shook her head.

"I can't James."

"Exactly you love me, and I love you."

He took her hands in his raising them to his chest.

"I can't go back and change things Lily I know that. But I want to start afresh. I want it to be you, me and this baby as a family."

"But –"

"But nothing Lily say yes, say that you'll give me a chance to prove that we belong together."

She stared into his eyes seeing all the hope in there. This was it she knew it. This was her second chance for happiness. She couldn't just throw it away but if she said yes things would be difficult.

"James I need you to understand something first."

"What is it?"

"This isn't going to be easy. I mean if we do this then that's it. This is full on commitment. You can't take on this child and then decide you'd rather be off doing something else. The child won't understand."

"I know –"

"I haven't finished yet. This is a big change for me. I mean I've always been selfish and it's been about me but it can't be like that anymore. I have to settle down and be a mother even if I don't think I'm ready for it. But James it's different for you. You don't have to play the dad; you don't need to settle down."

"I'm ready to settle down Lily."

"You can't know that."

"Yes I do. I was ready to settle down when we were finishing Hogwarts. I was planning to ask you to marry me as soon as we graduated. I'm not going to be foolish now Lily. I mean I'm not going to ask you to marry me yet. We need to get things sorted, see how we are together. But please don't just throw me away because you think I can't settle down. I've played the field so to speak for the last three years and nothing is as good as you are."

The way he was speaking made her believe what he was saying was true. She had no doubt that he was speaking from the heart.

"It's going to be difficult though James."

"I know but I want to do this."

She smiled gently as she grabbed hold of his top. Slowly she drew him towards her and they kissed, sealing the deal they had just made.

Sorry its been a while since I updated. My internet has been down for the last week. But its sorted now. Hopefully there'll be another post on the weekend, and one more before Egypt (week tomorrow!)