Chapter 36
"You Could Be Happy"
Three Years in Passing
2000
The Fucking Truth
HAPPY NEW YEAR! The world has been holding its breath for the past few months and it finally has arrived! The Bent Broomsticks via Finnegan's P.R Firm have announced the dates for their World Tour! Which will kick off January 30th in London, the perfect way to start the New Year!
Party, Party, Party
Alrick Fulton, lead singer of the Screaming Banshees threw the New Year's Bash to end all New Year's bashes at his Oxfordshire home, last night! We left our own New Year's festivities as soon as we heard about it! The music was blaring, the laughter was loud, and we could hear it from our hiding place in the bushes across the street! There were music producers, editors, artist, and socialites coming and going all night long. We got a great photo of Draco Malfoy, heir, stumbling out of the house at two o'clock in the morning with the experimental artist Magenta Comstock (boy is she robbing the cradle), the two looked pretty cozy. This is the first time we've seen the heir himself out partying in a while, I guess he dumped the frizzy haired girl what's her name that dated Potter and Krum at the same time. That gold digger! He's better off. I personally never saw the appeal.
"Skeeter Report"
Potter Sighting!
Harry and Ginevra Potter were spotted last night in Holyhead, Wales leaving a Bent Broomsticks concert. Earlier that morning Ginevra played in the Game that qualified the Harpies for the Irish and British League Cup.
"Skeeter Report"
The Sexiest Warlock Alive
Aidan Lynch, seeker of the Kenmare Krestals has been voted sexiest Warlock in the world by our international paper!
"Magic Times"
Harry Potter to Head Auror Department…
Sources say that Kingsley is preparing to have Harry take over the Auror department. Reportedly Gawain Robards only agreed to come back as head of the department after Voldemort's downfall due to an agreement with Kingsley that he'd get to retire as soon as Harry's ready.
"Daily Prophet"
Ministry News
Padma Patil will be the new Junior Undersecretary under Minister for Magic Kingsley Shaklebolt.
Daily Prophet
L'héritier et la Première de Fille
(The Heir and the First Daughter)
Monsieur Draco Malfoy was seen on holiday in the French Rivera last weekend. He and the Première de Fille, Mademoiselle Charlotte Dubois, daughter of French Président de Magic Henri Dubois were seen taking a sunset flying carpet ride. The two were inseparable the entire weekend….
"Déchets!"
("Rubbish")
Lucius Returns
We noticed that Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy haven't been seen together in months! Although we have seen Narcissa out and about where was Lucius? Well the couple was seen last night having dinner at Bewitched. But where has Lucius been? Are the rumors of divorce true? Were they meeting to discuss the split or are the Malfoy's up to no good?
"Skeeter Report"
Aidan's New Trophy
Aidan Lynch has got a new trophy and it's not for Quidditch! It's Padma Patil his new wife. They were married in a private ceremony last month and the two were seen having dinner at "Wilde, The Restaurant" in Dublin yesterday. After dinner the two were spotted taking a romantic stroll in a nearby park. Who is this girl and what is she doing with one of the most gorgeous men alive? My sources tell me she's a secretary but then again she must not be too bright, but she is quite beautiful making the perfect trophy wife.
"Skeeter Report"
Longbottom and the Creature!
(Cover Story)
(Pictured) Neville Longbottom and the creature that lives in the Black Lake at Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry, Hogsmead, Scotland, taken by Photographer Willow Whitcomb. Article "Longbottom and the Creature!" written by Winkus Oddpick freelance writer.
"Wizard's Home and Garden"
2001
Dean Thomas to Head Magical Games and Sports
Dean Thomas will be the youngest person ever to head the Department of Magical Games and Sports at the age of twenty-three. Kingsley stated, "Mr. Thomas is perfect for the position he has the passion and drive for sports and understands the importance of the unity these games bring between nations…."
"Quidditch Daily"
Heir Gets a Job
The heir to the Malfoy fortune, Draco Malfoy has started working at the Ministry of Magic in Britain. Draco is said to be an Unspeakable, is this such a good idea for someone with a shady past but more importantly what is the millionaire doing working?
"Wizards Fortune"
Potter Sighting!
Ginevra Weasley aka Mrs. Potter was seen leaving Zero, a hip New York City nightclub with Adam Smith, chaser and Maxwell Foster, keeper of the Fitchburg Finches. She was a bit tipsy and was leaning on the two men for support. The Harpies lost to the Finches that morning yet they all seem to be out having a good time. Is our hometown princess truly a party girl or is she enjoying the spotlight too much that she'll do anything to stay in it? Including clinging to men who aren't her husband!
"Skeeter Report"
Oliver Wood, Most Charming Smile
Oliver Wood, keeper for Puddlemere United has won this month's most charming smile award.
"Witch Weekly"
British Magical Music Awards
It's that time of year again when all the music that has grazed our ears for the past year is rewarded! Whether it's with Best New Song, Album of the Year, Most Sinister Song or Oh My God You Should Never Sing another Note Again! The 2001 British Magical Music Awards (BMA's) are hitting London once again and will be hosted by stage and wireless drama actress Raleigh Grace.
"Treble"
The Music and Malfoy
Draco Malfoy, heir to one of the largest wizarding fortunes in Britain has really been stepping up his game these last couple of years. If there's a news worthy event or the party of the century he's been showing up and showing off! Malfoy attended the BMA's last night, in a slim fitted black button down with the top two buttons undone, black trousers with a black belt that had a shiny silver buckle in the shape of an A and X. Wizard's Style informed, on the what to wear pages that are frequented by the young Mr. Malfoy that he was wearing muggle brand Armani. Don't the Malfoy's hate muggles? Anyway, he looked hot and everyone knew it including his date for the evening Sage Warbeck, who's Mother Celesta Warbeck received the lifetime achievement award. Sage herself walked away with the award for best composer of a pop song, for Lucy Wales' hit song "You Tainted My Love So I Ran You Down with My Broom" which also won most Sinister Song that night as well….
"The Skeeter Report"
Top Thirty under Thirty
…5. Draco Malfoy heir and Unspeakable
4. Anthony Botticelli Italian opera singer known for his superb high C's
3. Dean Thomas head of Magical Games and Sports Britain
2. Kofi Omo sculptor currently touring with his cheese exhibition
1. Ho Choi- Reigning three year international dueling league champion
"Magical Times"
Herbology at Hogwarts
Pomona Sprout has been the Head of Hufflepuff House and Herbology teacher at Hogwarts for twenty one years and has decided to retire. Neville Longbottom, herbolgist for the Quibbler, will take her place. Don't worry Quibbler fans his place will be taken by Luna Lovegood, naturalist and daughter of Xenophilius.
"Daily Prophet"
2002
International Warlock Convention
Never have we seen such a heated debate since the convention of 1289! Myron Wagtail, lead singer of the Weird Sisters sparked quiet the controversy. It all began when he showed up drunk and gave a coherent lecture on why the magic carpet never took off as the official way of travel for families. Every warlock there began to brainstorm ways to make carpet travel more efficient arguing back and forth over whose idea was better and some still skeptical about the whole proposal! "I was shocked," said one of the attendees in regards to Myron's speech, "we all know that Myron is super talented musically but it's no secret that he can't even tie his own shoes when he's sober let alone give an articulate speech. I vote that he stays drunk all the time!" "I still think travel by carpet isn't a good idea, I don't care who delivered the speech" stated another attendee, "it could unravel mid-flight! This was probably a scheme set up by a flying carpet salesman!" Percy Weasley British Undersecretary made the flowing statement, "although carpet flying is a main source of travel in some countries. I would just like to point out to all of the warlocks that are citizens of the UK or anyone that will be visiting that flying carpets are illegal! They are listed as muggle artifacts and are not to be charmed to fly!"
"Wizard World"
Potter Sighting!
Harry Potter was seen having lunch with fellow Auror Angelina Johnson at the Leaky Cauldron. Sources say this isn't the first time, should Mrs. Potter be concerned? Not to mention I heard she was dating George Weasley isn't he away opening a new store? What will their sufficient others think of the latest information?
"Skeeter Report"
Leaky Cauldron under New Ownership
Hannah Abbott formally of the Daily Prophet has left our fair paper to replace Tom at the Leaky Cauldron. We have all grown to know and love Tom but he says it's time to move on, with his suitcase in hand he handed over the keys to Hannah who is now in full ownership of the Inn. She made the following statement, "I've always loved staying at the Leaky Cauldron and hanging out at the Leaky Cauldron and I hope to keep the same familiar feel. I hope this works out because there goes my savings…"
"Daily Prophet"
Women in Power
The witches of today are throwing aside their aprons and using their wands and intellect for the betterment of our society, the top ten witches to look out for in 2001…
10. Natalie McDonald- A stay at home Mother who developed faster ways to clean the home and is the author of the Magically Speedy Clean.
9. Patricia Stimpson- is currently studying wand making under Mr. Ollivander himself. It is a very special thing for Mr. Ollivander to share his talents. Could we be looking at the next greatest wand maker in the world?
8. Penelope Clearwater- unspeakable, moving up the ranks maybe future head of the department of Mysteries
7. Susan Bones- of the Department of Transportation revolutionized portkey travel
6. Lavender Brown- creator of the extremely successful line of makeup and hair products, "Jolie de Rouge"
5. Angelina Johnson- led the team of British Aurors into the mountains between Norway and Sweden to help battle the giants alongside the Swedish Aurors, after two years they were finally able to put a stop to the feuding, she was awarded an Order of Merlin first class.
4. Cho Chang- author of Witch Like Me, the book of how to get over the death of a Lover and her own personal experience. It has spent two years on the Daily Prophet's bestseller list and she is currently working on her next novel.
3. Hermione Granger- started working in the house elf relocation office in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Today Hermione is working in the department of Magical Law Enforcement as the District Attorney for London to fight justice for all.
Vane- inventor of the newly redesigned Firebolt, the firebolt 360, it can go from zero to 360 MPH in under a minute and is currently the fastest broom in the world (due to its extreme sped it is currently illegal for people under the age of seventeen and to be used during professional Quidditch games)
1. The Number One Witch to look out for is…
Padma Patil Lynch- She began working at the Ministry of Magic right after leaving Hogwarts in 1997. This Ravenclaw student began as a translator for the International Confederation of Wizards, then spent a year in 2000 as Junior Undersecretary to the Minster for Magic, and is now the head of International Magical Law Office. She is currently being considered to head the entire International Magical Corporation Department. Watch out world at the rate she's moving she may be Minister for Magic next week!
"Witch Weekly"
Potter Sighting!
Harry Potter was spotted running down Diagon Alley yesterday afternoon chasing a headless six-year-old boy! The boy has been identified as Teddy Lupin, his godson, and the son of the werewolf Remus Lupin who was fired as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts ten years ago for attempting to bite students! His mother was a twenty something year old Auror, far too young for Lupin. They were both killed in the battle against Lord Voldemort. Apparently Teddy just got a Headless Hat courtesy of Weasley Wizarding Wheezes and was overly excited. Harry was seen pushing through the crowded streets trying to grab the laughing little boy….
"Skeeter Report"
From Night to Day
Edwin Phyfe, known for his line of dress robes and business attire at the upscale store Twilfit Tattings, London and other fine retailers, is showing his newest sportswear collection this Thursday night. We are very excited for the collection, this will be the first time Phyfe has designed sportswear in his thirty-year career! The show will take place at the Quidditch Museum in London. Interior Designer, Sonia Duccet was asked about her feelings on the upcoming event, "If anyone could bring sophistication to sportswear its Phyfe. He has a way with sculpting the male form, which is something you usually only see portrayed in women's wear, and it's so refreshing. I can't wait, I'm so excited!"
"Wizard Style"
The Elite Hit the Front Row
There's nothing like a good fashion show to bring about more chances for drama and scandal! Last night we attended the Edwin Phyfe fashion show at the Quidditch Museum in London. He sent men's casual sportswear down the runway with the influence of Quidditch uniforms through the ages. The museum backdrop was perfect and the collection was a hit!
But most importantly a good fashion show brings out the important people. Sitting front row were The Bent Broomsticks, Head of Magical Games and Sports Dean Thomas, lead singer and lead guitarist of the Weird Sisters Myron Wagtail and Kirkley Duke McCormack. His sister Meghan McCormack, ex-keeper for Puddlemere United also made an appearance, she was wearing a hideous orange and green one-shoulder dress! She should be arrested for stepping out in public like that! Ginevra Weasley aka Mrs. Potter looked lovely in a black off the shoulder number, Aidan Lynch and his arm candy came out to enjoy the fashions. Sonia Duccet interior designer was there as well. The evening's festivities also brought out the newly engaged Viktor Krum and his fiancé Monica Olbansk daughter of the Minister for Magic of Bulgaria. My former boss Barnabas Cuffe, Editor and Chief of the Daily Prophet and the official hag of the world! Heir Draco Malfoy made an appearance with Zoe Shea Evans, the twenty eight year old daughter of Victoria Evans the editor and chief of Wizard's Style on his arm. He later sat front row of the show between Zoe and her mother Victoria. All through the show Victoria was seen leaning over and whispering in Draco's ear, who simply smirked every time. Looks like Zoe's Mum is giving her some competition and why shouldn't she? She's fifty-eight and fabulous she looked stunning as usual in her red belted silk dress! The older women seem to be flocking towards the young Malfoy, he's only twenty three. But then again the way he looked in the Phyfe dress robes he sported to the event who could blame them!
"Skeeter Report"
The Fucking Truth
The Notorious crook Mundungus Fletcher claims he is going to be the first person to fly the Firebolt 360 around the world. He'll have to steal one first, those things are crazy expensive not to mention he was drunk at the Leaky Cauldron when he made this declaration, if he actually goes through with it I think it would be safe to assume he's drunk then too!
Lee Jordan, Most Charming Smile
Lee Jordan, wireless personality has won this month's most charming smile award!
"Witch Weekly"
Grand Opening!
Weasley Wizarding Wheezes is celebrating the grand opening of their new store in Rio Largos, Tarapoto, Peru with a chain wide sale.
"The Daily Prophet"
He's Scaring the People!
Lee Jordan radio personality is scaring the administration. Now that his show can be heard internationally some officials believe he is a bit too real for the public ears. Not only is the title of his show risqué he says what he wants when he wants and cares nothing about censorship. With his knack for telling the truth it is believed that his show may cause uprisings throughout the wizarding world.
Although the administration is frightened that he will point out the truth and problems in certain plans the people love him. Wizards and witches love having someone be straightforward with them instead of telling them what they think they want to hear. If Voldemort or any crazed lunatic should rise again I am sure he will be the first to let us know. Lee's comments on the matter were the following, "I tell the f***ing truth and for those of you who don't like it then F*** you!"
"Wizard World"
Potter Sighting!
Ginevra Weasley aka Mrs. Potter was in Bulgaria yesterday, she attended the exclusive engagement party of Viktor Krum. She was seen with the frizzy haired girl, what's her name who used to date Krum and Potter at the same time and later dated heir Draco Malfoy. Speaking of Malfoy's, the entire Malfoy family was in attendance as well. It's a shame no mass drama unfolded from the appearance of the puffy hair nobody girl with two of her ex's there. Coincidently two of the wealthiest men in the room, but why was the gold digging ex invited and where was Mr. Potter?
"Skeeter Report"
The Sexiest Witch in the World
The votes have been counted and Wizard's around the world and some Witches too, have voted for the sexiest Witch in the world and she is…. Ginevra Weasley, seeker of the Holyhead Harpies!
"Warlock Max"
The Fucking Truth
"Good afternoon world Monday began another year at Gilda's Preparatory School for Young Witches and Wizards. It's 4pm and I have a wonderful surprise for you I'm sitting here with a close personal friend and seeker of the Holyhead Harpies Ginevra Weasley. We've been friends for quite awhile, I'm surprised I didn't have you on the show sooner."
"Me too, I'm offended you didn't ask," joked Ginny
"My sincerest apologizes… So what's going on in the world of the Harpies Seeker," asked Lee
"Not much, it's quite quiet right now. The Quidditch League is still on Holiday. Practice begins next week," responded Ginny.
"So your life isn't really as hectic as it seems. One minute your somewhere in Wales, then you're in London, Paris, or off in the states."
"When you put it like that I suppose my life is a bit hectic," laughed Ginny, "I love the game of Quidditch and I have gotten the chance to travel all over the world, which I never thought would happen. But I'm still the same person… with better clothes"
"Yes you have become quite the snazzy dresser. But through all the won games, the endorsement deals, autographs, and constantly being in the public eye you're still the same old feisty girl I've grown to know and love from Ottery St. Catchpole."
"I'm not old!" Ginny protested
"I suppose you're right," he chuckled, "So how does it feel to be Warlock Max's Sexiest Witch in the World."
"Have they seen every Witch in the world?" She laughed, "I'm extremely flatter that there is a select group of people who feel that way about me but it's not really something I'll be running through the streets shouting."
"I want to make it known that I completely agree with the outcome of the poll. You are quite lovely," Lee smiled
"Thank you, you're not so bad yourself," Ginny smiled back
"Thanks. There's a messy haired, spectacle wearing husband, where does he fit in the midst of all this."
Ginny laughed, "Harry's been great, and he's really supportive. He's done everything from travel with me to help me practice during the off season."
"So Harry's the perfect husband."
Ginny snorted, "No! He'll never be perfect he's male," Lee laughed, "We have a great relationship but it took work. Before we were married I was off all the time training with the Harpies then came back got married and was off again. It was an awkward arrangement with me always coming and going and it took effort. We didn't even fully know each other… well we knew each other we dated for two years but dating and marriage are two different things. It's hard when two lives are forced to merge underneath one roof."
"Amen to that, that's why I'm never getting married," declared Lee
"Or is it because George is dating Angelina," joked Ginny.
Lee chuckled, "No, we're better off as friends, which she figured out before I did… that probably explains why she always turned me down… But back to you… are you and Harry expecting any little ones."
Ginny choked on her breathe of air, "No! We haven't even discussed children and we've only been married for three years!"
Lee laughed at her reaction. "We'll be right back with more from Gin after new music from the "Screaming Banshees". I'm Lee Jordan and you're listening to the Fucking Truth."
As soon as the music was playing and Ginny was sure they were off the air she immediately punched Lee in the arm for bringing something like that up to the ears of millions of listeners.
"Same feisty girl," Lee laughed rubbing his arm.
"You Could Be Happy" Snow Patrol
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