Disclaimer: I don't own Skins or the characters from the show, I do, however, own a man called Howard, a girl called Lexie and the contents of this story.
Author Notes: Thank you so very much to everyone for your wonderful reviews. I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to get the next chapter up, it was mostly written, just trying to finish it off seemed to prove a little difficult. I guess I got distracted by Let It Go, so I'm sorry. But I hope you enjoy this next one!
Without Warning
Chapter Thirty-Six
The hospital room was overshadowed by a horrible tension. Katie was sat on the bed, hyperventilating whilst a nurse sat in front of her trying to persuade her to accept the oxygen mask in her hands. Katie pushed it away.
"What's going on?" Emily questioned, entering the room with a sense of foreboding. "Dad called, said you needed me to come see you."
It was like looking into a mirror. Katie's face looked broken into a million pieces as she sobbed loudly, reminding Emily painfully of the number of panic attacks she'd had through the years. Emily could feel the situation tug on her heart. She moved across the room, let Naomi's fingers drop from her hand as she sat down on the bed beside Katie.
"Where is your dad now?" Naomi asked, sitting on a chair by the door.
"I don't think you should be asking questions right now," the nurse snapped, still trying to get the oxygen mask around Katie's face.
"I don't fucking need it," she cried out, clinging to Emily as she wrapped her arms around her. The nurse just shook her head and stepped away, hovered in the doorway as the twins sat together.
"Katie, I need you to tell me what is going on. Has something happened to Joseph?"
Katie gasped, "Howard."
"Is he okay?" Naomi asked.
"He," she cried, swallowing tears. "He punched James."
"Is James okay?" Emily whispered, not sure what else to say.
The whole situation was actually quite confusing. As far as they knew Rob had planned to take William in to see his little brother, by the sounds of it things took a nasty turn.
"He went to," Katie paused. "A and E."
"What about Howie?" Naomi spoke up.
"He just, he left," Katie muttered, her tears slowing.
"Is dad with James?"
Katie shook her head, "He followed Howard."
Everything wasn't making complete sense. Katie was practically on the verge of a breakdown and the only thing to have actually happened was a punch up between her brother-in-law and brother. There had to be something more, Emily just knew there was more to it.
"Surely that isn't enough to make you like this," Emily pointed out, worried.
"I'm so sick and tired of feeling this way. My hormones are flying around everywhere. All I want to do is hold my baby boy...and I cant."
It was so difficult. Impossible to handle when all she wanted to do was be with her son. The moment James landed on the floor and Howard fled the room, they'd all been thrown out, sent away because violence was not good for anyone, especially Joseph. Rob had sent James off to the emergency room, before helping Katie back to her bed. He then took William and left. She'd sat there alone, for fifteen minutes, trying to process Howard's violent outburst. But all she could do was cry until she began to fall apart.
"This will get easier," Emily tried, but Katie could tell by the look in her eyes that she was just as worried.
"Will it?"
"Yes."
"Naomi?"
The blonde walked across the room, could feel her hands shaking as she knelt on the floor in front of Katie. She was nervous, could feel two pairs of brown eyes staring at her, waiting for her to speak. She rested a hand on Katie's knee, lifted her other one up until she was clutching her sister-in-law's fingers.
"When I had Harley I was this big bag of hormones.
It was the first time Naomi had spoken in detail about her struggle, about how hard those first months were. It hurt Emily to hear it but she knew she had to, actually wanted to feel the hurt because she couldn't pretend it hadn't happened any longer.
"It feels like your heart is so tight, like you can't breathe because to breath is to live and to live is to go through everything inside your head. And it hurts to think about all of that. All I could think about was how much I was failing my boy, how negative I was and that I wasn't making our lives any better."
Katie's eyes filled up with tears again, "I just want to hold him, I can't even hold him."
Naomi smiled, a tiny smile that offered so much hope, "You will. Maybe not right now, but you will. You still have something I didn't have Katie, something that makes this all a lot easier."
"What?"
"You have the ability to know that you don't want to feel like this, that no matter how sad you feel right now, you don't want it to turn into something more serious."
"But I can't control anything," Katie sniffed, wiping her eyes.
Naomi waited until Katie's eyes were locked with hers again, "Yes, you can."
*
Howard didn't smoke. In fact he hated the habit, wished that people wouldn't ever do it. Yet for some reason he borrowed a cigarette off someone and lit it up. It made him cough, it made him feel vile and disgusting, on top of how he already felt. Halfway through he dropped it on the floor, giving up before he'd even begun. He felt sickness in the pit of his stomach, a sickness that he knew wouldn't disappear with ease or medicine. Bruises appeared on his knuckles, wrapping around a number of cuts. The pain searing through his hand was nothing. He deserved it and for that reason alone he allowed it to consume him until a number of tears reached his eyes. He held back, punishing himself for the mistake he'd made. It was weakness that had put him in that position, weakness and stupidity that he had to keep at bay. He couldn't let him feel sorry for himself, couldn't let him feel like maybe something other than himself was to blame because there was no excuse and there never would be.
"Taken up the fags?" a voice called out from behind him and he turned to find Rob Fitch stood there eyeing him up.
He shook his head, "Doesn't work."
"Messes up your insides too," Rob stated.
"What do you want?"
He let out a sigh that seemed to last forever, his eyes rolling back in his head. He wasn't in the mood for company. He knew what he'd done. He just didn't know how to fix it.
"Don't you roll your eyes at me Howard Dixon. You hit my son. If you weren't married to my daughter or the dad of my grandsons then you'd be on the ground right now, understand?"
When he'd first started dating Katie he'd received a 'welcome' talk from her dad; a warning to not hurt her, to be the man she deserves. It physically hurt to have Rob Fitch, the man who respected that Howard was a good man and everything he could wish for his only straight daughter, completely change his stance and come across aggressive. He was a protector of his children, that much was clear. It had just never been a conversation Howard had ever wanted with his father in law.
"I'm sorry."
The words felt stale on his tongue, not quite doing what they were supposed to. He was sorry, but the word didn't do anything to change what had happened. Rob wasn't even the person he had to be sorry to; it was James and Katie and he wondered, if maybe, it was also himself.
"Empty words boy," Rob muttered, resting against the wall with his arms folded.
Anger rose inside him again, "You think I don't know that?"
"Don't get heavy with me kid, you make a mistake, you fix it."
"I don't know how to."
"Then do everything you can do, alright?"
*
Closing her mobile phone, Naomi re-entered the hospital room, hovering in the doorway whilst Emily joined her. Katie lay on her bed, curled up in a ball. The conversation hadn't been very long, but Naomi hoped she'd made a difference, no matter how small. It had made a huge difference to her, made her see things clearer for the first time. Emily slipped her arms around her waist and planted a gentle kiss on her lips.
"Any luck?"
"No answer," Naomi replied. "I hope he's alright."
The door swung open and Howard came in, his eyes red with tears and his face contorted with anguish. Katie shifted in her bed, sat up until her eyes locked with her husbands. Emily muttered an excuse to leave, which Naomi quickly followed and the two of them went out into the corridor to allow Howard access to the room.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, not taking his eyes off Katie until she finally looked away.
"I've heard it before."
A number of small sobs escaped his lips, which he quickly pushed back. He was going to be strong, he had to be strong. Katie bit her lip to stop herself from crying. All she really wanted to do was move across the bed and wrap her arms around Howard's body until the two of them were stood together so close, but she couldn't. It wasn't that simple.
"I don't know what else I can do or say," he sighed, honestly.
Katie closed her eyes and lifted her head, finally looking back into his eyes again, "Words don't mean anything Howard."
"I know."
He was ashamed. She could tell by the look in his eyes, the glistening of tears and the tone of his voice. He was broken up about what he'd done. It should have been enough, it was enough. Yet Katie wasn't feeling very forgiving, was actually feeling a lot worse than she'd realised now that she was face to face with the man she loved.
"Quite frankly," she whispered, her voice gaining power as she continued. "I don't want you anywhere near any of us unless you can guarantee that something like this isn't going to happen again. You scared me Howard, you really scared."
Howard moved forwards, walked across the room to fill the space between them until he was so close Katie could almost feel his breath, "Tell me what you need Katie, I will do anything."
"The first thing you need to do is apologise to my brother, apologise to my dad, apologise to everyone and anyone. They all deserve to hear it Howard. They all deserve to know that you're not just making up excuses."
"I'm not that kind of man."
"I know you're not," she sighed. "But right now you're not the Howard I know, not entirely. I know you're in there, but I can't see you clearly."
"I am still really sorry."
"I know. But you need to go back to your specialist, make sure that whatever they're doing to make you fully recovered is happening."
"Katie, I know what happened," Howard sighed, cautiously. "I haven't taken my medication for a few days."
It explained everything and it made Katie feel angrier. She wasn't just angry with Howard anymore, she was angry at the situation, the fact that her husband needed medication to stop him from flying off the handle at the drop of a hat. She didn't want him to still be suffering from his accident, it had been months ago, almost five months since the car crash. Katie couldn't speak, couldn't find the words she wanted to say. Instead she looked down, biting the inside of her mouth to stop tears from building again.
"I guess I'll go stay at a mates house or something," Howard whispered, turning to leave.
The future flashed before Katie's eyes. Howard walking out on them and never coming back, Katie letting him go and not finding the energy or the courage to allow him to return to their lives. It made her heart ache.
"Howie…"
He stopped and turned, "What?"
"Don't go. We need you here."
The relief beating through his veins consumed him, invaded his fears and worries as he turned and moved across the room until his arms were wrapped tightly about his girl's. Tears fell from his eyes, mixing with Katie's hair as he sobbed against her shoulder, apologising for everything repeatedly until she silenced him with a small kiss.
"I love you Howard, we're in this together, we'll get through this together."
He nodded, "We will."
"Can you take me to the chapel?" Katie whispered, her body relaxing into Howard's.
"What for?"
"To pray, I need to pray and I want to get out of this room."
Somehow in the speed of recent events Katie had forgotten that she didn't just need her family and friends to support her through everything, she also had her faith. With everything else slowly building back up she was still left with her worries about her son and she hoped that speaking to the man upstairs would help her gain some perspective on that. Howard nodded his head, pulled her to her feet as he guided her through the hospital.
*
The heat was blasting in the car, hitting Emily's face until she could feel herself growing flushed. She didn't ask questions at first, just sat beside Naomi as the blonde drove them down country lanes. The heat was growing insufferable so she turned it down, choosing instead to turn up the radio as a song played out. It reminded her of college, of the simpler days where love meant spending every waking hour together and to be apart was like the end of the world.
"Where are we going?" Emily finally asked, sick of the uncertainty.
"It's a surprise," Naomi muttered, shooting a cheeky grin in Emily's direction.
Emily let out a chuckle, "Is this where you take me to some other twin sister's house, lock us in a room together and wait until after her baby is born to let us out?"
Naomi rolled her eyes, her smile still set on her face, "Ha. Ha."
"Seriously, tell me!"
"All I will tell you," Naomi informed her. "Is that we're celebrating my freedom from foot casts, strap things and the physical therapy it took for the doctor to tell me I am free from my broken ankle."
Emily raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "We're celebrating that?"
Naomi nodded, "We're also spending some time alone without the children."
"How much time?" Emily questioned. "Are we talking a couple of hours?"
"A night and a morning."
"I like the sound of that."
The answer was enough to leave Emily wondering. She didn't mind it any longer, instead dreamt up all the places Naomi could have been taking her. A spa in the middle of the English countryside? A hotel surrounded by fields? A lake that defined their relationship. It came into clear view. The opening in the trees that, despite looking like anywhere else along the stretch of road they'd been driving along, was still the easiest place to spot. In fact it sent a chill down Emily's spine in anticipation for what was to come.
"Anywhere," she whispered, prompting a smile from Naomi that was both knowing and longing.
"The best place on earth."
Without words the two of them unpacked the car of blankets, firewood and a box of food. They were more prepared than they had been before, more knowledgeable about how cold it could get at that exact time of year.
"It's out anniversary you know," Naomi mumbled whilst building the fire.
"It's the middle of the month, we got back together at Christmas," Emily frowned.
"Not that anniversary."
Naomi didn't explain, didn't really need to provide an explanation despite Emily's confused expression. Instead she got up, moved to Emily's other side, resting her fingers over Emily's to emulate their first time in that very same spot. Emily just smiled; didn't quite seem to understand what the occasion was until Naomi reached over and pushed her lips against Emily's in a kiss she tried to make seem familiar. Emily pulled back with an expression of confusion, one that made Naomi laugh.
"Still not getting it?"
Emily shook her head. Naomi stood up, pulled on Emily's hand until she followed her to the edge of the lake. They stood side by side staring at it until Emily finally spoke.
"It's still so beautiful here."
Naomi let her lips curl at the edges, "It's one of my favourites."
Emily twisted her head around with realisation, "Hey, that's my line!"
"Yeah well you took mine first," Naomi joked, stripping off her shirt.
Emily laughed and put on a mocking tone, "I didn't bring my swimming costume."
"I cant believe it's been this long," Naomi mused when the laughing died down and they were once again stood in their underwear.
"Guess our love handles got a bit bigger," Emily smiled, resting her hands on Naomi's hips until the blonde turned in her grasp and rested a small kiss on the crook of her neck.
Naomi pulled back, "Stop perving!"
"You know you love it really."
"Guess I cant deny that."
Emily took the plunge first, really just wanted to tease Naomi as she pushed her lips against her own, lingered there until Naomi took control, looked about ready to collapse from the excitement. Then Emily jumped in the water and Naomi stood on the side pouting.
"You're a tease, you know that right?"
"You're the one who wouldn't tell me where we were going until we got here."
"That wasn't teasing, it was a surprise."
Emily swam to the edge, "Help me out then."
Naomi reached out a hand, taking hold of Emily's wet fingers about to pull when she felt herself jerk forwards and land on top of Emily and into the water.
"You fucking bitch!" she squealed, splashing Emily.
"That's pay back."
"What the hell for?"
"For pushing me in."
Naomi couldn't help but laugh, "That was twelve years ago!"
Emily just shrugged, moved through the water until she could hold onto the edge, holding a hand out for Naomi to join her.
"I don't know if I trust you."
"All will be forgiven if you come over here," Emily grinned, sliding her hand back under the water until she pulled it back up with her underwear. She threw her knickers onto the side and slid out of her bra doing the same with that.
"I see," Naomi raised an eyebrow and swam towards her, moving her hands under the water until she was completely naked. "Why don't we do this often?"
"Swim in lakes?" Emily questioned.
"Skinny dipping."
Emily grinned, holding her arms out until she could touch Naomi's fingers, pulling her closer as she wrapped her arms around Naomi's back, letting her hands travel under the water exploring Naomi's body under the shield of water. Pressing soft kisses against Naomi's collarbone, sliding a hand between her thighs until she got the reaction she had hoped for. Within moments Naomi was pushing her against the edge, taking a deep breath as she ducked under the water to kiss Emily's breasts.
*
The fire was burning beside them. Their hair still damp and their clothes sticking to their skin. It was reminiscent in every way of their past.
"Didn't bring a spliff did you?" Emily grinned a cheeky grin.
Naomi frowned, thought the suggestion pretty silly, "Are you serious?"
Emily shook her head, "Of course not."
"Good."
"It was fun though wasn't it? Blowbacks and boobs."
Naomi burst out laughing, "And boobs?"
"What? If I remember correctly, there were a lot of boobs."
"Four of them."
"I hadn't realised how much fun this whole thing could be."
"Well if you didn't realise then I was completely clueless because it was the best thing in the world."
"You think? I thought it was pretty bad actually."
"My inexperience was that bad?"
Emily grinned. "The whole thing was just awkward wasn't it? We didn't even kiss like normal, all those weird little kisses."
"I always liked those little kisses."
Emily raised an eyebrow and leant forwards until her lips pressed against Naomi's, repeated small kisses leaving her trace on Naomi's lips. After a moment she stayed in, pressed her lips upon Naomi's for a while until she slipped her tongue between her lips and pressed herself against her. Finally, she pulled away.
Naomi smiled, "Point taken."
Author Notes: Can't believe this story is coming to an end soon...please review! :-)