I was going to wait until Monday and then I didn't! :D
The premiere had me way too excited. For real, I've got so much homework it's insane, but here's a short chapter... I'm sorry if the past-to-present narrative is confusing. I had extra space between the sections for clarity, but the doc manager won't allow me to recreate the effect and using the full lines just looked... really strange... so, I hope it's not a chore.
Have I told you yet that I love you, because I do?! I LOVE YOU!
Friends, mother and older sister warned her about pain, that first time. Unavoidable, but worth it. Pain wasn't the word she would have chosen. Pressure seemed like a better way to describe it. A weight her body wasn't used to, heavy and hard.
A ruby glow bled through Beth's eyelids, even before her mind fully awoke.
It was still.
Time might as well have halted with the sunrise. The house slept, no bird or breeze or ticking clock tore her away from pure suspension. The first sounds she heard were her own breathing and then his.
Dead asleep on his stomach next to her, Daryl had one rough hand against her neck, his fingers all tangled up in her hair, one of her legs caught between his.
They'd been breathing in sync at first, but now that she was fully awake her own draws started to quicken. She fought it, closing her eyes again and filling her lungs deep to try and recapture the night before; every vivid sensation was still close enough to touch. She opened her eyes again, deciding she wanted to look at him. It made remembering richer, and she was all wrapped up in euphoria. It was so easy to travel back in time a few hours and imagine how he'd made her feel.
His face was turned towards her so she could see the dark circles around his closed eyes, the momentary peace. His hair was getting long. She'd messed it up pretty good; it was still sticking out at odd angles, greasy, and pulled, and bunched together.
"Great view. Scalp massage… all the little noises you tried not to make so loud." She had never seen him grin so big as he did right then, "'Sides, there's something about the way you taste."
After all he'd made her body feel, she was still struck momentarily dumb as his fingers lightly brushed the inside of her thighs; her nerves shivered over the fading teeth marks he'd so unnecessarily apologized for.
He'd almost put the brakes on way too early. Disheveled, but still dressed all the way down to his laced up boots, he backed into the couch, somehow under the very misguided assumption that she wouldn't notice that he was folding his legs up in front of a throbbing erection. Breathing under strain, as he failed the hide the bulge in his trousers, he told her it was alright; they could just go to sleep. He didn't want to push her. Didn't want to make her regret tonight.
She wouldn't.
She didn't.
Neither of them had ever gotten around to putting clothes back on. She knew they ought to; Maggie and Merle could wake up and come downstairs any minute. She took her time, still clinging to the stillness, staring at him, wanting to touch him, but not wanting to tear him away from sleep too soon. Instead, her hand hovered just above his scars and the tattoo on his back, two demons wound together.
"We don't gotta stop. I don't wanna stop." She'd said to him hours earlier, half pleading.
He'd heard her but took a while to acknowledge what she'd said. It amazed her, how he still came over shy sometimes. She hadn't caught her breath yet, was still dizzy and overwarm, and he was already preparing a retreat; she could see it in his eyes, pinning her in place while he fell back. This sudden diffidence was a sharp contrast to how he'd used his tongue and lips to massage her straight into delirium… and minutes later when he came apart and held her so tight that she lost all the air from her lungs.
Mentally, Beth shook herself and took a deep breath. She was rushing ahead.
At the time she hadn't realized she was drifting closer to him, using a softer voice, but in retrospect the analogy that came to mind was approaching a wild animal. "You think about it… don't you?" She'd asked him, trying to find a balance between coming on too strong and being too timid.
He'd removed each piece of clothing she had on gradually, skating and then kneading his hands over every inch of her. No one had ever touched her like that before, and maybe that was the problem.
Virgin. If he didn't want to say anything… then she wouldn't.
He finally looked at her straight on, naked on the floor where he'd left her.
"You don't have to say."
His eyes were hungry on her; she was already flushed, but a new wave of warm, overpowering feeling came over her, as she met his gaze and silently she knew that whatever his reserve, his attempts to 'protect' her from himself, he wanted her. It wasn't simple or easy, but right on the edge of the plunge, he was coming over edgy. He'd thought about all the ways he wanted her, but he'd fought it so hard, trying to spare her if he could. "You don't have to say anything." She'd slid right up to his side, resisted the urge to touch, to attach herself to him, but made sure she was close enough for him to reach out. "I know there are things you want from me. Don't tell me. Show me."
In the morning, Daryl Dixon slept like a man who hadn't really shut his eyes in years, and held onto her in a way that made her realize how much he hated sleeping alone. She thought about that night in the woods when she came to his tent. You trust me. He'd been amazed by that, and she'd thought about it a lot since. She did trust him, more than that, she sensed from the beginning that he was worth trusting. She swallowed and dared to let her hand drop, close enough that she could feel his heat, fingers splayed out, to trace the shape of his scars in the dawn air above his muscled back. Each line was a cruel reminder of what a raw deal his life had been.
She hated how so many of the marks were wide, and had clearly needed to be sutured. Not only had he been abused by those who should've protected him from harm, no one helped him heal. Each stripe must have gapped open for days before they started to scar. She couldn't help but imagine him quiet, head and body pounding with pain as he tried to keep to himself at school; walking far enough away from people that they wouldn't brush up against him accidentally.
When it was his turn to undress, he did it with more deliberation than she expected. She didn't want to be selfish, didn't want to push him. His body had always held a fascination to her, so she only wanted to apricate a moment before him. She didn't overthink his hesitancy until much later. In the moment she couldn't consider the difficulty he might have being that vulnerable with someone. Taking it for granted that he was made up of a lot more than his horrible past, right then, she didn't wonder if the scars gave him pause.
Beth had seen them before, the night he found Penny. He let her up close when the two of them weren't supposed to be alone in the guest room together and he was a bit of a basketcase of nerves as a result. She could still remember how he'd collapsed a little when she kissed him. At the time she hadn't felt, as such, confident. She knew there was a delicacy to these feelings between them that might easily be upset. Deep down, she'd been scared that he wouldn't like her touching him like that, but something about the sight of the damage, so clear and devastating had solidified her determination. He'd been denied affection; it didn't take much to see that about the man.
In the guest rooms she'd held her breath as she finally leaned in and gently pressed her lips against his warm, slashed skin, hoping it would work.
He would know she cared about him, and that he was worth caring about.
He'd relaxed, melted almost, and she hoped so deeply that it meant she'd made him feel better about all of it. Maybe only for an instant, she could do something to make him happy.
Last night had been about a lot more than that, but she was reminded keenly of those first shaky impressions of him, back when he was so unsuccessful at trying to keep her at arm's length.
"Do me a favor, and don't expect too much," he grumbled.
"Nope. Expectations are already too high, no point trying to fix that now."
Neither of them mentioned virginity. She was sure he had worked out that much about her, without her having to say it in so many words. It was impossible not to feel a little nervous, but it mostly manifested itself in suppressed giggles, and even that didn't last long. He was reassuring every moment, his piercing eyes gave away his own nerves in little flashes of blue, but his pupils were mostly black and it was after dusk, so he hid it well, at least until he took her hands and started to guide her. His palms were warm and damp, and he trembled slightly as he showed her how he wanted her to touch him.
She wanted to appreciate his body bit by bit, the way he'd done with her, but that would have to wait. Whatever patience either of them had started out with was ripped to shreds in mere seconds of being so close. Instead, she got an unrelenting dose of his strength, of what was behind all that insecurity and brusque talk that he'd cultivated, and that she'd slowly peeled back, sure there was a world inside him that she wanted to be part of. Maybe it wouldn't last longer than the sun was away, but for now, his inhibitions were gone. He'd given in and she hoped it was as sweet to him as it was to her.
They didn't fall to pieces in the shaking, because they held onto each other so tight.
In the cold light of day, she could still recapture it.
She'd taken too long, lying there next to him not wanting to let the night go. In her mind she rationalized that she couldn't move his arm off of her without waking him up anyway, but because she'd lingered there with one hand hovering right over Daryl's bare back and messy hair, she didn't get dressed before Maggie came downstairs. In fact, she barely moved, even when she heard her sister's light footsteps approach.
Too late anyway. She sighed and prepared a nervous smile that was almost a grimace and directed it to the living room entryway.
Maggie bounced down the last steps and froze when she saw them. Pointedly she pivoted in stance, turned away a moment and seemed to collect herself before she turned back around, face red but free of disapproval, at least. "Y'all gotta come see this," she whispered, for a moment determined to ignore how she'd found them, smack-dab in the middle of a nest made of couch cushions and stolen bedding on the floor of the living room, undressed and tousled.
Daryl started awake the second Maggie spoke, lifting his head just enough to see her through unruly fringe. He groaned and his head hit the couch cushion underneath him.
Maggie headed back up the stairs, eyes averted, though Beth could see the back of her head lingering at the top of the staircase, waiting for them.
While trying to find and then yank on his pants, Daryl looked thoroughly embarrassed. During a split-second when he was holding still, she quickly pecked him on the face, getting more nose than she'd meant to, but his mouth just quirked into a smile. He caught her chin in one hand and kissed her deeply, slowly against the inside of her throat, then went on a quest to find his shirt. Beth was a little more efficient at pouring herself quickly into her jeans and sliding her blouse on as she jogged quickly up the stairs to Maggie, unable to suppress the grin on her face.
Maggie's arms were crossed, but she mirrored her little sister's smile and blinked slowly, fighting off a laugh she murmured, "Remember when you got so mad and threw out my birthcontrol?"
Beth covered her mouth to keep a giggle back, "How dare you have sex," she shook her head.
"You were a cute kid… You two weren't quiet, you know."
"We tried to be," Beth shrugged in what she hoped was an apologetic way.
"Uh huh," but Maggie only rolled her eyes. "Did you build a fort at some point?"
"Yeah, but he knocked it down."
Maggie snorted. "Yeah, you were tryin' to be real quiet—oh don't sweat it, I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep much anyway. I kept remembering the previous occupants of that bed. Comin' up with ghost stories." She shuddered, then looked past Beth as the stairs gave a little from the weight of Daryl's footsteps.
His hair looked slightly better. But was mostly still ridiculous. He ran a hand through it self-consciously, eyes tentative on her sister's face, as if he half expected her to shove him down the stairs.
"In here," of course, Maggie launched no such hostile attack, but instead beckoned for them to follow her into the back of the house. She was still keeping her voice down and Beth had followed that example, once they got to the little girl's bedroom she saw why. Maggie carefully opened the bedroom door without a creek, holding her breath as her lips curled slightly in delight.
Merle was still fast asleep. Beth actually stuffed her knuckles into her mouth to keep from giggling when she saw him. Sophia's twinbed must have usually been buried under about fifty stuffed animals. Most of them were on scattered all over the floor, but there were still a dozen or so on the bed with the sleeping fugitive. He'd clearly collapsed right on top of her floral quilt without hardly inspecting the surroundings and just kicked off whatever was inconvenient. The result was Merle nestled in with all things sort and purple, one arm groping at a particularly plush monkey. "Aww," Beth couldn't help but emote a little.
"Pfft," Daryl turned away from the door just as the camera on Maggie's phone chirped.
Merle jerked awake.
Finally Maggie let a laugh loose.
"What the hell are y'all starin' at?" Merle grumbled in a slur that turned to a yawn, he frowned as his surroundings and shoved a few more animals off the bed.
"You look real sweet," Maggie sighed and backed into the hallway again, on the stairs, Beth could hear her say, "Yeah… that's definitely my new wallpaper," as she glided away.
With a groan, Merle forced himself upright, back bent as he ground one rough palm against his face then shot Beth a quick searching glance. "Nervous 'bout your first day as an arsonist, Dollface?"
She'd managed to completely forget about that for a few hours, at least. Now that he brought it up again she made a face. She wasn't sure if she was capable of being nervous right now, she was too content, too close to falling into a stupid grin every second. She finally managed to make an odd sound and moved to make a little more space in the doorway as Daryl slid in next to her.
"Ya should be," Merle warned her.
"Don't listen to him," Daryl suggested. "The storage place has gotta have insurance, we'll call the fire department ourselves… we're helping out an old lady. It's basically the criminal equivalent of rakin' your neighbor's' leaves."
"And gettin' paid," Merle added somewhat indignant that Daryl had forgotten the most important part.
"Wow. Stop. You're both terrible at selling this," Beth shook her head a new sweat breaking out over her spine. "What if…" she bit her lip, looking back and forth between the brothers for reassurance that she knew neither of them could offer, not about this, "…someone gets hurts?"
"They won't," said Daryl in a voice so firm and strangely soothing, in spite of his usual gravel. Maybe she was wrong, maybe he could reassure her about this. "We'll make sure nothin' goes bad."
"Yeah, listen to your man," Merle tossed something at them that hit Beth, like a puff of air against her stomach, before it bounced onto the ground.
It turned out to be a stuffed turtle, automatically she bent down and snatched it up, though there wasn't much point, the floor looked like an explosion at the carnival shooting gallery. "How old is Sophia?" Beth frowned at the turtle in her hands, eyes looking at the other toys, the dolls on the shelves and the books. They were the kinds of books a young child would have, lots of pictures. "I thought… boarding school?" and though she hadn't looked closely at the family photos, she'd definitely been left with the impression of a teenager. This looked like the room of a little girl.
Daryl and Merle were both strangely silent for a moment. Merle especially looked uncomfortable as he avoided her eye and got up to his feet. The mattress had been sagged low under his weight. The springs creaked once he rose. He kicked some of the toys out of his way to make a path to the hallway. "Sometimes, parents who don't do what's best for their kids… try and keep 'em young, too long." She was surprised Merle said anything. He still looked intensely uneasy, but he forced a somewhat grim and sleepy smile. "I bet you don't know anything about that."
Not really; although, if she was being honest, her father did still see her as a little girl in a lot of ways. She wouldn't have had to leave the farm like that, if he didn't. He knew better.
He'll realize he made a mistake. It didn't take much to make Beth feel better, when she really thought about it. Things didn't look so bleak today, as they had yesterday. He might be mad for a while, but he was a reasonable man. In time, he'd understand that his daughter hadn't given her heart to someone who didn't deserve it.
"We gonna go do this, or what?" Daryl moved aside, allowing his brother out into the hallway.
As Merle got close to them he made a face. "Damn." He blinked hard. "Yeah—we'll get outta here, take care of this shit. Ugh." He shook himself. "Then, y'all need to shower." He slapped his brother on the shoulder as he shuffled past him into the hallway. "There might not even be hot water—but it's gotta happen. Got the stank on ya, somethin' awful."
Friends, I nervously await your approval/disapproval.
Also, the second episode of the season. I await that too. I usually try to exercise some self-control and wait until a few episodes stack up, because I find binge watching four or five at a time to be the most satisfying way to experience the show, but I CAN'T DO IT THIS TIME. I'm too desperate for more material. Maybe I'll be stronger in a few weeks, but for now, I am weak and I need my fix. Tomorrow needs to hurry up.
I love you all, super-high-five to everyone who follows, favorites, reviews and recommends!
Stripped - Shiny Toy Guns (The original Depeche Mode version and the Rammstein cover are also great, but STG is the one I've got on my playlist, I love that they turned it into a duet.)