Lady Stark leaving was almost a sigh of relief to Jon. She and King Stannis left the same day. They moved as two armies heading south. Jon knew that he still had much to deal with at Castle Black, but his load was lightened by their absence. He only wished that the red woman would have left as well, but she lingered.

He wished that he could say the tension between himself and Lady Stark had lessened, but it never had and probably never would. How could he learn to forgive a woman like her? His sister had asked them to cooperate, but they would never move beyond civil formality. For the family and the future, that was why he cooperated with Catelyn Stark. Yet what future was left to him if the storms had sunk the ships? The reports from Eastwatch were frightening. The storms had been fierce, so fierce that many a ship at sea could be lost. If the ships carrying Ygritte, Rosalyn, and Sam had not made it through... He did not want to think upon those losses, it was too painful.

His work kept his busy enough that Jon had almost no time to think upon his family. As Lord Commander he had to worry about the wildlings that he had let through the Wall and the ones that he was planning to let through soon. He had to worry about the Boltons. He had to worry that there was not enough food for winter. He had to worry about Melisandre.

The red woman had come to him shortly after the King and Lady Catelyn's departure. He avoided her most of the time, but sometimes it was unavoidable. Like the time when she let him know how much she knew.

"You fear for their safety," she asked as they stood in his chambers.

"Whose? There is no safety for anyone my lady."

"For the girl you love and the child she carries."

He had not been expecting such a statement and his jaw hung slack. "How?"

"How do I know? Observation can tell a person far more than most people realize. Yes you wanted her safe, but it was always more than that wasn't it? Your affection was obvious by the distance you kept and the looks you exchanged. Her belly grew during her time here but there is not enough food here for fatness. Do you need me to continue?"

"No."

"Do not worry Jon Snow, your secret is safe with me."

He stared at her, opening and closing his sword hand. "Why tell me that you know?"

"You are important. I know not why, but the Lord of Light keeps showing me you and the dangers you face. Would that you had not sent your wolf away."

"He is assisting Lady Stark in her efforts."

"May she find her lost son. Don't be so surprised at my knowledge, she told me of him. Your father's wife is quite a fascinating woman."

He could not suppress the scoffing noise that came from his throat. Fascinating... does everyone love her but me? "She is a strong woman and fights for her children as any mother would."

"You hate her," she stated placidly.

"I tolerate her," he replied mildly. "Ghost agreed to go with her to find my brother. Ghost sees her as a pack mother. The woman never showed me an ounce of love as a child, but my direwolf obeys her."

She placed a warm hand on his cheek. "I hope that you can find peace Jon Snow."

Thankfully, he had been able to avoid her for some time after that conversation. They received good news that Stannis had taken Deepwood Motte. The mountain clans and Umbers were leading armies southward to join with Stannis against Lord Bolton.

At Melisandre's request, he sent Mance Rayder, whom she had kept alive even though Jon had thought him dead, to Winterfell with six spearwives to recover Arya from the Boltons. Arya, his little sister, was said to be set to wed Ramsay Snow, now Bolton. Arya, little sister whom he had loved from the day she could pick up a stick and chase after her elder siblings. She was far too young to wed, and far better than a Bolton deserved.

Then Alys Karstark arrived from Karhold, half-frozen and half-starved. She warned that her uncle, who had sworn himself to Stannis, was truly allied with Lord Bolton. Her birthright of Karhold was being taken from her by her uncle and cousin. Jon arranged for her to marry the Magnar of Thenn, securing the loyalty of both Karhold and the Thenns.

Along with those events, Jon had sent Val beyond the Wall to find Tormund Giantsbane so that they could form a peace. Whist she was gone, Queen Selyse Baratheon arrived with her entire ensemble of southern lords and knights. After several days of dealing with Selyse, he found himself missing Lady Catelyn.

He wished that there was news of Lady Catelyn's journey to find Rickon, but there was no report from Lord Umber one way or the other about the progress of the expedition to find the second youngest Stark. The plan, so far as Jon was aware, was that Lady Catelyn and her escorts would travel to Skagos in search of Rickon, and then return to Last Hearth. Yet months had passed with no word of Lady Catelyn's expedition. Even the bits of information which he could decipher from Ghost told him very little. Ghost was alive, but the further away his direwolf travelled, the less of a connection he felt to the wolf. It felt as though some part of their connection was beginning to fade away.

He also hoped to hear some news from Samwell. If his friend had survived the storms, surely he would be in Oldtown already? He knew that news was not anticipated from Rosalyn and Ygritte, but he still wished that he could know how they were. He had said farewell to so many people whom he had loved, and every time he felt a part of himself die. It was a wonder that he was alive anymore with how much he had lost. When he left Winterfell, he told himself that it would not be so bad at the Wall. He had expected to spend time with his uncle Benjen and be part of an honorable brotherhood. He expected that he would be able to visit his family in Winterfell. How wrong he had been. Benjen was gone, if he ever returned it would likely be as an undead monster. The Night's Watch was just an assembly of misfits and cutthroats. Winterfell was held by the enemy. His sister, once thought dead, was now on a journey to the other side of the world. Everyone else he called family was gone. Even the few friends he had made at the Wall were gone.

He wondered about Ygritte and Rosalyn. Did they reach Pentos and Robb's widow? Did Rosalyn travel to meet Daenerys? Had his child been born? He knew that the birth had to be soon. A father... If they live I'll be a father... And the true King of Westeros. He did not often dwell upon everything he had learned in the ancient weirwood grove, but some days he could not help but wonder how different his life would have been. The possibilities which arose in his mind were endless.

What if he had been raised as a Prince in King's Landing? With Rhaegar and Lyanna, his parents, Elia as a step-mother, and Rhaenys and Aegon his other brother and sister. Would he have been forced to marry Rhaenys? Rosalyn? Would he have met his cousins? Would he have been pledged to his cousins? To Sansa? To Arya? To his aunt Daenerys?

If Lady Catelyn had married Brandon Stark would the brothers and sisters he loved have even been born? If Rhaegar had won the battle on the Trident, would he have killed Eddard Stark? If Lord Stark told the truth of Jon and Rosalyn would they have been murdered as children? What if Robb had declared Jon and Rosalyn as Rhaegar's heirs? Would the people of the North have gathered around Lady Lyanna's children? Would the south have supported them as well?

It made his mind spin. There were days when he hated Lyanna for running away with Rhaegar. There were days when he hated Rhaegar for running away with Lyanna. He hated his father, Lord Stark, for never telling the truth. He loved his father for keeping them all safe. He hated himself for wanting a crown, for loving a woman, for wanting to betray the oaths he had sworn. He was trying to be a good Lord Commander, but he could not help wanting to fight against the men who had murdered his brother and father.

He was lonely too. The closest thing he had left as a friend at Castle Black was either Melisandre or Val, and neither of them was a friend. Val had returned with Tormund and the wildling host. In the morning, the wildlings would be let through the Wall. Jon knew that many of his men were opposed to the arrangement, but Jon knew what not letting them through would mean. If left on the other side of the Wall the wildlings would become thralls of the Others. Jon would rather have the thousands of men who were set to cross the Wall fight for the living then come back from the dead to fight for the Others.

Jon also heard rumors about himself. Traitor, they called him. Wildling-lover, turncloak, and traitor were the names he heard whispered about himself. He could not help but bitterly think how true it all was. Yet at the same time, every decision Jon made was for the survival of the realm. His men were all so blinded by their hatred of the wildlings to see the benefit of allowing the Wildlings to pass through the Wall.

It was a few weeks after he allowed the wildlings to pass beneath the Wall into Westeros that he received a letter. The letter was sealed with pink wax and addressed to 'Bastard'. He did not question who the bastard was, he knew the letter was meant for him.

He froze inside at the words. If what Ramsay Snow said was true, then Stannis Baratheon was dead. If what the Bastard of Bolton said was true, then Arya was missing and Mance Rayder was held captive. Ramsay also claimed that he was holding Eddard Stark, the youngest child of Lady Catelyn, in his custody. He demanded that Lady Catelyn return to Winterfell for her child.

He wondered, for a brief moment, if bad news was the only news left in all the wide world. The news from Hardhome had been grim. The news of the storms and not knowing if his bride or sister survived was maddening. There had been no news of Lady Stark. There had been no word from Lords Stannis, Umber, or anyone else for him to doubt the words which were written upon the parchment.

He told himself that day that the Night's Watch takes no part. Yet was that true? The vow had been that he would take no wife, hold now lands, father no children, wear no crowns, and take no glory... He had broken most of those vows. Their vow was to be the shield that guards the realms of men. That did not mean that there was no taking part in politics. Ramsay said that he would attack the Night's Watch if Jon did not appear to face against him. If he did not meet Bolton's Bastard in battle, then surely the Bolton's would attack Castle Black.

He thought of his brothers and sisters, all cousins save one, but that mattered naught. He thought of Rickon and Bran, both so young and full of life, now lost somewhere in the wilds of the north. He thought of Sansa, always so proper and gentle. Eddard, the brother-cousin who was only a babe alone in the world. Of Robb... his brave brother who had been murdered because he had loved the wrong woman. Rosalyn, his twin, the one with whom his heart beat and from whom he had never withheld a secret. Arya, the wild girl whose clothing was always torn and dirty, whose face and hair were never clean. Bolton wanted Arya back... she was too young to be a bride!

He discussed his plans with Tormund and some of the other men. Hardhome would still need to be helped, if there was any hope left for survivors at Hardhome. He would ride south to find the truth of what happened at Winterfell.

The assembly was large in the Shieldhall. The men listened as he told them his plans. Men eventually agreed to follow him, shouting support. He also noticed the men who walked away. He did not worry about his dissenters. He had the support to go after Arya, to ensure that she was safe.

He was in the yard after the meeting, trying to deal with Wun Wun who was in the process of killing Ser Patrek. He had not expected such violence from the giant. He was not expecting the daggers from his men.

"For the Watch," Bowen Marsh said, as he plunged a dagger into Jon's belly.

But I was doing everything for the Watch... He couldn't move. He fell to the ground. The knives pierced through him like fire. The world went cold and dark.

AN:
Will you hate me more if I tell you that it is going to be about six chapters before this is resolved? Credit to George RR Martin for most of this chapter's context and some of the words. At least I will have a resolution to this event sooner than Winds of Winter will arrive.