A/N: And so this parody comes to an end. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, especially Florencia7. If you have not left a review, please do so. They mean so much to writers.

With nowhere else to go, our sullen heroes rowed back upriver to Tia Dalma's shack, so familiar it seemed like a safe haven amongst the terrors of the sea. The only sound besides the gentle buzz of the fireflies was the mournful humming of several people who had waded out into the water holding candles.

"There's no time for us/There's no place for us/What is this thing/That builds our dreams/Yet slips away from us/Who wants to live forever/Who wants to live forever," they sang.

Tia Dalma welcomed them in, already aware of the dreadful news. Clearing out some of her clutter by just shoving it to the floor, she offered everyone a seat, and soon a tray of drinks was being passed around.

"Again the cold and the sorrow," she said when she offered one to Elizabeth, her eyes deep and knowing. Elizabeth's could not meet them.

Will could not stand the silence, the indecision all around him. All he could do was stick his knife into the table multiple times.

"I know you're pretty bummed," Tia Dalma said, kneeling next to him. "But that table was kind of expensive…"

"Sorry. I am chipping away it," he answered carelessly.

"You know, I know you are thinking that with the Pearl, you could have captured the devil and set free your father's soul." She took his hand and flipped it over, studying the lines on his palm. "When you were eight, you had to go to the bathroom really badly at recess, so you ran inside, but didn't make it to the urinals. Your mother had to come by and give you a second set of pants."

Will's eyes widened in horror.

"When you were eighteen, you wanted to ask Elizabeth to the prom but were too afraid, so the nice lady in the milliner shop next door threw her morbidly obese second cousin at you. You appreciated the gesture, but the fact she was also an albino with a cannabis leaf-shaped growth on her neck prevented you from having a good time."

"Would you stop?" Will pulled his hand away. "I never liked psychics. Anyway, what's it matter what I wanted? The Black Pearl is gone, along with her captain."

That was the perfect opening, Gibbs thought, tossing his Extemporaneous Eulogies for Dummies into the river. "Aye, and already the world seems a bit less bright. He fooled us all till the end, but I guess that honest streak finally won out. Yes, as sure as no one in this room has any relationship problems, Jack decided of his own volition to stay behind, sacrificing himself so the rest of us could get away. No one made that decision for him. No one dared take such a sacred thing as human life and pooh-poohed it, tricking him in a treacherous way into staying on board, thusly killing him in cold blood. Not any of us, his friends, even, dare I say it, his loved ones?"

Elizabeth burst into tears.

"Never another like Captain Jack!" Pintel raised his glass.

"'If a man begins with certainties, he shall end in doubts. But if he will content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.' Francis Bacon," Ragetti said. Pintel gave him a glare. "Er, to Captain Jack! A gentleman of fortune, he was!"

"He was a good man," Elizabeth uttered, trying to lift her glass to her lips with an unsteady hand.

Will looked back over at her, ready to ask just how good, but thought better of it.

"If there was anything could be done to bring him back, Elizabeth…" he started. Her eyes looked ready to fire daggers at him.

"What an odd thing to say," she snapped. Then her eyes widened in revelation. "That was the exact same thing you said when my turtle died! Is that your fallback? 'If there was anything could be done…' Why don't you go out and do a successful rain dance and then literally move a mountain and then we'll talk."

"It is an odd thing to say," Gibbs said when Will looked to him for defense.

"Not so odd," Tia Dalma said. "Would you do it? What would any of you be willing to do? Would you sail to the ends of the earth and beyond to fetch back witty Jack and him precious Pearl?"

"Actually, I was just trying to do some consoling," Will muttered, but no one heard him.

"Aye!" Gibbs said.

Fuck, Will thought.

"Aye!" Pintel repeated.

"Aye!" Ragetti said.

"Aye!" Cotton's parrot screeched.

"Anyone know how Marty feels?" they all asked each other, searching the room for Marty.

"I'm minding the boat," he called from outside. "And aye!"

"Yes," Elizabeth said, tears still lingering in her eyes. She'd make it up to Jack, she promised. The next installment would be epic, something unexpected. A musical!

"Aye," Will said.

"All right!" Tia Dalma shot her fist up into the air. "Cool! Awesome! But if you're going to brave the weird and haunted shores at World's End…"

"What's this 'you're' shit?" Elizabeth interrupted suddenly, knowing how valuable a voodoo woman/potential goddess could be. "You're coming with us! Plus, I need a gal-pal."

"Er okay," Tia Dalma said. "As I was saying, you will need a captain who knows those waters." She turned her head toward the staircase.

The crew slowly made their way to the stairs, frozen in shock at the sight of the man before them.

"What?" Barbossa said, glancing behind him. "I know. I was surprised this place had an upstairs too! It looks so small from outside!" JTM ran up onto his shoulder just as he bit into a crisp green apple, its juices running down his beard. "So! Anything happen while I was dead?"

END

A/N: Who Wants to Live Forever is a song by Queen, one of my favorite bands. Am I the only one who finds the "if there were anything to be done to bring him back" line just a little awkward? Why would you say that to someone? The only reason is that it serves as the perfect lead-in for Tia Dalma to convince them to go to World's End. The sequel to this is the musical I've written for AWE, so there will be no "affectionate parody" of AWE in the near future. Once again, JTM stands for Jack the Monkey and I am willofthewisp, thanking you once again for reading. I hoped you had as great a time as I did writing it and please, please leave a review to tell me what (if anything) made you laugh.