A Winter Lady For A King.
Chapter XXXVI: Not Forgiven And Not Forgotten.
They entered the gates of the chief city and all heads immediately turned to see the return of the one who had once been their unreachable princess. She didn't look at any of those people, for all she wanted was to be with her brothers in their time of need. Éomer, the king of Rohan, the neighbour country, did pay attention to the people of Vathinia and he saw fear and concern in their faces: they couldn't even imagine what would happen to them after Idrios' death.
It seemed an eternity had passed when they finally found themselves entering the palace. She instantly felt her soul being swallowed by those walls she knew so well and a sudden weakness took over her body, but Éomer held her close to him to prevent her from fainting. It didn't take long for Marjut to meet them in the main hall, looking tired and old. The king of Rohan almost felt sorry for her; her destiny was as uncertain as everyone else's in that country apparently forgotten by the Valar.
-Eihhlin. –she whispered when she saw her daughter and walked to her to hug her. The daughter, however, did not move.
-Mother. –Éomer's wife replied with no emotion in her voice, showing she would always be the cold princess of Vathinia inside those walls. –Where are my brothers?
-Your father wants to see you. –Marjut stated, ignoring the queen of Rohan's question.
-I don't want to see him. –was Eihhlin's reply to her mother, who could see no change in the young woman's heart.
-Eihhlin. –Éomer called, unsure if he should advise her of what to do. –He's dying. I know it's difficult for you, but you should hear what he has to say. –he finished, hardly believing what he was saying. Idrios did not deserve Eihhlin's pity but Éomer, as a king, had to do what he knew to be the right thing.
Eihhlin then looked into his eyes in silence, trying to absorb his guidance and decide if she should be merciful or not. He could see she was not ready, but he knew she would never be and there was no time to avoid the unavoidable. She read all his support and love for her in the mirror of his soul and it made her feel capable of facing her father one last time.
Nodding, she finally decided to go upstairs to Idrios' chambers, followed closely by Éomer. They didn't say anything to each other as the sound of their steps on the stone floor haunted them because, once again, there was no need for words. Eihhlin held his strong and warm hand in her fragile and cold one, seeking the comfort nobody could give her. That fragment of time seemed unreal as she felt she was walking towards her own death. The queen felt the courage in her heart fading away but her feet didn't let her stop and go back.
They finally reached the door of the chamber and, while Eihhlin stared at it with indescribable emotions in her eyes, the king of Rohan looked at his beloved wife and felt frustrated: he had tried and succeeded at protecting her from evil and pain before, but this time he was powerless. Her past was something he could not touch, he could not reach.
Eihhlin looked at her husband after a long time and knew he could not go any further.
-I have to do this by myself, Éomer. –she stated, only louder than a whisper.
-I know. –the king replied, caressing the pale skin of her face. –I will be here if you need me.
She entered the room and slowly closed the door, leaving a very concerned Éomer behind her. There was no light in the room except for two burning candles next to the bed where the dying king laid. Feeling her entire body turning into steel, Eihhlin walked toward the bed and sat down on a chair placed there for visitors. She kept her silence when she saw her father was very pale and had lost too much weight; not even then she felt compassion for him.
-Eihhlin… -he called in his already weak voice. –You came.
-I did, father. My brothers need me. –she replied coldly while her mind told her to leave that room and never go back.
-I see you haven't changed. –he said. –I thought your husband would be able to tame you.
-Éomer is a good man and showed me the world is very different from what you wanted me to believe. –Eihhlin answered, knowing that her words meant nothing to her father. –I didn't come here to say I forgive you, because I don't. That's something you taught me well: not to forgive.
-But you didn't learn everything else. –were Idrios' next words. –That I don't ask for anyone's forgiveness.
-I know you don't father. That's why you are dying alone in the dark: you mean nothing to this world. –her cold and cruel voice escaped her mouth. Then, she stood up and, without looking at the king of Vathinia, walked away to the door.
-Eihhlin… -she heard him call again and her name sounded like a supplication. Eihhlin did not turn around and, opening the door, she exited the room and left her father to die.
Seeing her husband still waiting for her outside the room seemed to bring her the already familiar feeling of being protected from harm. He immediately held her hands in his and realized her energy had been drained. Knowing she wouldn't say a word about what had happened inside the room, Éomer took her away from its door and to their own provisory chambers.
Once they were completely alone, Eihhlin embraced him wishing he could make the agony in her heart go away. He held her close to him, softly kissing her shiny red hair and also wishing he could do something to take her out of her misery in that dark moment. But his love in a deep silence was all he could offer and there was no one he could blame but a sad dying man. He saw she had closed her eyes while her head rested on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, and he suddenly felt desperate to convince her to rest. After all, the fact that she was carrying a baby never left his mind and he feared exhaustion would take the best of her.
Eihhlin only felt strong enough to talk to her young brothers the next day. Even though she wanted to see them before they went to bed, Éomer had insisted she should try to sleep so she could handle the grief the two young boys were probably drowning in. She had reluctantly accepted to do so, but had rested very little; she would never feel completely safe until she had left Vathinia.
Mero and Paro were in the library, where their mother had sent them to so they wouldn't notice the heavy atmosphere felt in the palace. They were children, Eihhlin thought, but they were not stupid. As soon as she entered the old and rather dusty library, she saw they were everything but oblivious to their cruel reality. Approaching them, the queen hugged her brothers, who remained silent even though their eyes showed a very deep sadness and confusion. The concept of death had never been explained to those children and, now, everyone tried to find the right words to tell them their father would disappear and nobody would ever be able to find him again.
-Eihhlin, what will happen now? –Mero asked and, for the first time in her life, his sister didn't have an answer.
-I don't know. –she said. –But I will be here and I'll stay with you until everything's decided.
-Will father really go away? –was Paro's question.
-Yes, he will. I know it's difficult to understand it now, but you will one day. –were the only words Eihhlin could say to comfort the little brothers.
Idrios died before dusk and not a single tear was shed for him in the palace: the king left no loved ones to grieve his passing. Eihhlin was standing by the window of her bedroom when she heard the news in the corridor and Éomer sat on the bed looking at her, almost expecting a reaction. But she remained still and calm, feeling nothing, just like she knew she would. Turning away from the window, she sat down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. He then put his arm around her to let her know he was still there for anything she needed. But Eihhlin didn't need anything besides the feeling he had for her and which he had taught her to have for him as well. Yes, that was all she needed in that moment.