Chapter Thirty Six
Jasper
I was relieved to hear that Charlie wasn't seriously injured and even more so when Peter told me we'd picked up another ally in Darius. If he couldn't get information on the attackers then no one could although I was surprised the guardian tribe had come out in the open to attack Charlie. Why were they so interested in Bella's choice? Harry had refused to tell them where she was and I wondered at that too? He was no friend of ours so why keep silent? I checked Bella was still deeply asleep and then rang my friend back,
"You just can't cope without me Major can you? What's up now?"
"Ask Darius to do some digging on the tribe that attacked Charlie. I want to know why they are so interested in what's going on and why Harry didn't drop Bella straight in it."
"Will do Major, is she OK?"
"Yes she's asleep Peter but thank you for taking Charlie out, she had a bad fit after he left".
"I thought something was happening. Just tell her I said hi when she wakes up. I take it you wont drive straight through?"
"No, it wouldn't be fair on her, we'll stop in another couple of hours. I'll let you know where we are. Maybe you'll catch us up."
"Will do, this cars a heap of shit but it goes like the devil, see you soon."
Charlotte looked at me then smiled returning her gaze to the road,
"So Major what's on your mind?"
"Am I that transparent?"
"I just know you and before we start let me tell you categorically, she is your mate."
"Yes I know and that's what worries me Char"
"Why? Because she's human? Or because she's a damaged human?"
I knew she was trying to get a reaction so I ignored the question.
"Charlotte, I lost Maria which was no bad thing I know but I lost Alice too and both for the same reason."
"I very much doubt that Major but go on"
"This is really hard and please don't tell Peter if you can avoid it. I have nightmares about losing control and becoming The Major again. Not this man, but the one I was when you first met me. I can't get the images out of my mind, the way I acted with women, the things I did to them. Charlotte I can't...".
"I understand Major, you don't have to explain any further"
"Yes I do Char, if I can't even articulate these thoughts then how can I learn to deal with them? I couldn't make love to Alice, I couldn't touch her without those memories coming back and freezing me. That's why she divorced me"
"Did she say that?"
"Not in so many words but I felt her frustration, her hunger, and it just made things twice as bad. I'm not sure I can give Bella what she has a right to expect from a...mate or husband or whatever. I can't make love to her, it frightens me"
"Major you have to stop this now. Bella is your mate and you would never ever hurt her. Whatever happened in your past should be relegated back there. Take it slow and easy. She wont push you or pressure you, Bella loves you and she will understand. It will come but I wouldn't worry too much about Alice, she either really fancied you and got frustrated or maybe she was trying to help you get over this block knowing that your mate was getting closer."
"Why didn't she warn me or at least give me some idea of what Bella meant to me? It doesn't make sense."
"Not to you no, but Alice is a complicated person. I don't like her but I don't think she's deliberately tried to hurt you. I think her mate arriving was just bad timing or perhaps I'm seeing things wrong and she's a class A bitch just as Peter maintains but whatever, forget her and concentrate on Bella. She loves you and she needs you. Just be gentle and slow, I promise you it will work out, she's probably as worried as you are."
Bella
I wasn't sure where I was or what was happening but I recognised the sounds, I was in a car and it was travelling pretty fast. My head was pounding and I remembered the fit with a groan. Jasper had asked me something but what?...Yes, if I wanted to get away for a while. It had sounded a wonderful idea in the abstract but I had a job, rent to pay, utilities...I couldn't lose my home small and humble though it was. I started to panic sitting up too fast which only made me feel nauseous. Looking out of the window I saw unfamiliar countryside and knew he'd taken me at my word. Then I realised he was sitting beside me and I had been laying with my head on his lap. He smiled at me and touched my cheek with a cool hand,
"It's OK Bella, please don't worry. Your rent is paid for the next six months and I organised everything else too. Work are giving you a months sick leave and I explained you might need longer but we'll see. I hope that was OK?"
"Why did you do all that Jasper? I have no way of paying you back"
"I was paying you back Bella. You saved me out on that fire escape, remember?"
"That's different Jasper"
"No it not. Please Bella let me do this"
I looked into his face. There was a strange light in his eyes, a kind of fear laced with longing, a look I didn't quite understand, especially if Alice had been correct about my being his mate. Why would he be scared of me? I didn't understand and I felt too tired and weak to think straight so I just nodded and closed my eyes again but before I fell asleep once more I heard his quiet voice,
"Thank you Bella, I love you."
My dreams were a mixture of the past and the present, the first time I saw the Cullens, Edwards pretty face, but this time it didn't make my heart beat faster, it filled me with anger. My run through the woods and the tumble over the edge of the falls but this time I didn't hit the rocks, this time my fall was broken by a pair of strong arms. Did Jake save me in this reality? No, when I opened my eyes they gazed into a golden pair it was Jasper's arms. The months at the hospital and rehab passed in seconds and then my fight for independence. The struggle with Jake and Edward, why wouldn't they see I didn't want anything to do with either of them any longer? Then my own personal guardian angel appeared and suddenly everything was better. But as I became stronger he grew weaker until Alice appeared standing over him laughing as he cowered at her onslaught.
I saw his body, cold and still, hunched in on itself and I knew what I needed to do. I would save him as he had saved me, I held out my hand as a friend and as he grasped it my hand became that of a companion, a lover. I wanted Jasper, body and soul and I knew it was within my grasp if I could only figure out the fear and reserve and I would, given time I would find a way through the fear to the man below and give him my hand for eternity. I just needed time and he had already given me that, now it was up to me.